Lowbie Arc Reviews by an Altaholic Couple

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I now suspect Ms. Liberty may have had a hangover, or ate the wrong prawns, rather than getting poisoned by this lot.

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That's a good idea! Why didn't I think of that??!!

FAKE EDIT: I'm so adding this to my arc.

Clue: Ms. Libery's Sick
Wow! For someone who's drugged, she sure did run fast to the bathroom. You kinda doubt she would let the Hellions poison her. You suspect Ms. Liberty may have a hangover... or she ate the wrong prawns.

In The Shadow of the Towers, arc 1402

I played this on my 13 Archery/MM blaster and Londer was on his Eng/Eng blaster. It was well balanced for our lowbie team. This was a pretty straightforward arc involving Skulls and some greater threats. I liked the mob dialog in missions and thought the clues were pretty good, though there were some confusing points that could stand to be clarified. Nice amount of detail generally.

Some feedback as I went through it:

Mission 1

Run on sentence - I'm having trouble calling in the department's heavier guns right now, as they're stretched thin enough across more dangerous parts of the city, but I need a raid on that hideout before the gang can use what they've got.

High explosives crate contains ammonium nitrate, C4, *and* TNT. Londer's chemistry geek background chafed at this a bit. How is this crate able to contain all this stuff safely, and how did you blowing it up not level the building?


Mission 2

Awkward sentence - We might miss some of the other locations for now, but without those explosives it should put a cramp on an important part of whatever scheme the Skulls are trying to put together.

Nav bar has a lot of "find" in it. Might reword some of it - Find Skulls' plan, Find Skulls' target, Find leader, 1 crate to find

I'm a bit confused about the skulls motivation. They're intent on getting into this building, and yet have no idea what they'll find. Seems like a lot of effort and resources for a street gang to spend on this.

Mission 3

Run on sentence - I'm concerned, however, about what we found out about Lee Towers itself, because there's no way you could make a building like that without someone important, like the city zoning board or building safety commission, from finding out right away, unless you found a way to fool them or keep them quiet.

Mission 4

I almost expected a transition to sewers map here as there was a lot of talk about the Skulls in the sewers. But small map is good. I can dig this.

confused about the command codes, and clue is vague - The Skulls were given a message for you: Someone wants those command codes you don't ever remember having in the first place.


Mission 5

Pop up mentioned "absurd situation between you and Arachnos". I don't recall anything absurd involving me and Arachnos, so a bit confused.

Noticed a small dialog error in the mission (Hey $name over here). The variable showed up in the text, think it should be $Name.

I'm not sure the name Operative Dirk was mentioned prior to seeing it in the objective. Since we dont know his name, might want to change it to something like "Defeat the Arachnos Boss".

Boss defeat clue or mission end clue would have been helpful. I'm still confused about the command codes, and would have liked this to be wrapped up a bit or at least explained.

Overall, it was a nice arc for a lowbie and the missions seemed like they were the right length. I'm glad you varied them up a bit. I do feel like I still don't understand the motivation behind the Skulls actions or Arachnos's mysterious building. I think there are a couple things that could be wrapped up and clarified in this arc, even if you want to leave other things open for a continuation.

Rating: 4 Stars

In the Shadow of the Towers, arc # 1402
(is this a reference to the twin towers by any chance?)

Rated 4 stars.

Played on a level 13 eng/eng blaster with level 13 arch/mm blaster on easiest diff.

This was an interesting idea for an arc and has some nice build up in some of the action near the end. There is obvious effort in the writing and the game play was pretty good. Nothing too difficult.

Overall, I think this is a decent enough story for four stars but there are some things in the writing that could be improved. I noticed some run on sentences and a few vague statements. You mention "cells" but didn't really mention that there were secret cell groups established before using the word. So it kinda comes out of nowhere without any reference to tie it to. This is just an example but I think the writing needs a good going over, maybe with a friend who can give suggestions.

Be careful with big leaps in the story that don't directly effect the overall plot. For example, you say there's a list of addresses that might possibly have explosives and then say it is unimportant that we find them all. You can simplify this down to: "We have one address. We know the explosives are there but need your help." Then you don't have to put so much effort into covering your tracks on something unimportant to the over all plot.

Also, and this is just being nit picky, I wouldn't put TNT, ammonium nitrate, AND C4 in the same box unless you are going for the absurd factor. If that's the case than kudos! Otherwise you're going to have enough fire power in that one little box to kill you, all the skulls, people on the street outside, the fruit seller across the street, and anyone left in the building. I would pick one, ammonium nitrate has a nice ring to it, and use that.

I also notice at one point you had "theres" and "weve" in the same sentence. That will need to be fixed when the apostrophe key on your computer is working again.

tl:dr Good job with this arc! But you have a lot of room to improve it and have it flow more smoothly. Go over your story a few more times and rewrite where you think you can make it flow better.

Nice work!

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This was originally envisioned as a two part story. As you've no doubt noticed, it sort of begs for continuation, but I want to get this first part nailed down so I'm happy with it before I even consider a sequel.


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Yeah, I was expecting another arc somewhere finishing the story.

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Justice_Blues' Low level trilogy (I think he's revising it?)


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Always, but I have finished the major revisions I was doing on the second arc. Until someone says something that gives me another idea on changing it anyway.

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Probably after our fabulous SD Comic Con vacation:


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I am seriously jealous.

EDIT: Arc was updated and replayed. New review here:
http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showp...&postcount=178

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Whenever you can get around to it. I'll try to give at least one of yours a run sometime this week.

Arc Name: BE Prologue: Gangs United
Arc ID: 250480
Author: @Ozzie Arcane
Morality: Heroic
Length: 4 Missions
Level Range: 10-20
Enemy Groups: Hellions, Trolls, Vahzilok, Custom
Description: An evil organization plots to bring several gangs together under their banner. Introduces a villain group I intend to use in future story arcs.

Should be able to solo or duo it with most ATs. I soloed it with my level 15 Trick Arrow Defender and went through it with a scrapper, defender, controller trio around level 19. If you do encounter any absurd difficulty problems let me know as I'd like to rectify them.

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Rated 3 stars.

Played with level 13 eng/eng blaster and level 14 shield/fire tank on easiest diff. Game play is excellent, maybe a little challenging (higher rated mobs or groups?) but it wasn't frustratingly hard. Big spider cave map made me groan but it wasn't bad really.

Common thing I see a lot in maps are bosses tied to minions for quest completion. Unless there's a good reason to tie them in, you really should set it to boss kill only, especially on large maps, like the spider cave. I actually think it might have glitch'd and spawned his minion on the other side so it didn't count till I cleared a different hallway.

Now that I got the technical stuff out of the way, I'm going to dive into story structure.

Let me start with this:

You are an excellent writer. You should write more!

Which is why it was a little jarring to see crude internet/gaming humor dumped in almost randomly in the first map. It kinda broke my immersion into your story. Unless you are writing a comedy, I wouldn't do this to your story.

One of my biggest pet peives in AE arcs is not seeing any clues or mission popups AND the story seems to fall apart at the end. Now it's not that bad but the plot gets shakey at the end, seems a little random. Let's say I had more questions then answers before and after the last mission when really this should be the time it's all getting resolved.

If you have a good solid story, you might be able to get away with no clues, mob descriptions, or popups. Even then I would suggest them simply for backup to the player. They are like a life line. Player enters a mission and thinks "WTH? WHAT ARE 5th COLUMN MOBS DOING HERE?" and there's a popup that says These soldiers are dressed up in familiar outfits but each has a patch on his shoulder that clearly has the word EVIL. Then the player goes "ooohh..."

The other thing I'm concerned about with this arc is that it goes in a lot of directions that don't really tie in at any point. I'm left wondering why I did the first two missions. And it doesn't make it better that the contact reveals all these important details right before the last mission. Really this should be the players job to find all these facts (CLUES? *nudge-nudge**wink-wink*).

I want you to know that the only reason I gave you 3 stars is because you have a combination of not utilizing tools of the arc and the story doesn't flow smoothly. I think this arc could easily get 4 stars if you did one or the other (clues would help the flow, if it flowed smoothly, you wouldn't need clues). You have a very manicured way of expressing yourself through writing, now you just need to pick out what is important and put it in order with more details. Don't leave anything up to assumption.

tl:dr
You write very well but need to prioritize facts and details and how they are revealed.
Smooth out the plot.
Utilize the tools available to help you and the player (ie clues).
Don't make geeky gamer jokes unless your whole arc is about Mario Brothers.

Oh and Good job! It was fun and I think it will be an awesome arc once you smooth it out.

BE Prologue: Gangs United, arc# 250480

I ran this on my 14 Shield/Fire Tank and Londer was on his 13 Eng/Eng blaster. The missions were suitable for lowbies, and the missions had a variety of enemy types, which made for some interesting fights. We did have a hard time following the story though, and I think the lack of clues in particular is really hampering this arc right now.

Here are the notes I made as we played through it:

Mission 1

No entry pop up

Boss says "I'm sorry but our President is in another castle!" - This cliched video game humour really doesn't seem to fit here.

No clues - Could have at least used an end mission clue


Mission 2

This one has an entry pop up - inconsistent with first mission, which doesn't have one

The Frost Giant objective was based on defeat boss and his group, which caused some confusion when we killed a giant but the objective didn't complete. His "group" was located a ways down the tunnel.

Arachnoid map looks cool but might be a bit large considering the number of objectives. It seems like we did a lot of needless walking around. Suggest using smaller sized cave map.


Mission 3

No entry pop up

At this point I'm having a hard time understanding how this relates to the first two missions. Clues and more descriptive background would certainly help.

I'm confused as to why Vahzilok are here, this is the second time they've shown up and it hasn't been explained

Clockwork? Goldbrickers? I'd like to know the reasoning behind them being involved. United Gangs, I'm not familiar with this name yet.

Why do the Evil Corp guys look like 5th Column? I'd like some explanation, or at least acknowledgement of this as well.

Variety and playability in this map is good though


Mission 4

How does the contact have all this information? I feel like the player should have been discovering this along the way. If the police are giving him information now, does he have a better relationship with them than with the other heroic organizations who distrust him as someone who reads the Paragon Inquirer?

Confused as to why finding a clue about Big Evil's motivation is optional? I thought that would be of primary importance

No entry pop up

Mobs don't belong to United Gangs this time. I saw "Hellions" and "Vahzilok"

Destructable objects have standard description, or in one case no description. I'm still confused as to what Evil was using them for.

Glowie has no text on interract or in chat

You've got two clues in this mission, but being at the end of the arc these should really be wrapping things up, not introducing new problems.


Overall, I have no doubt that there's a good story waiting to be revealed here. Your writing is excellent, and especially the setup at the beginning of the arc is good. There just seems to be a disconnect in conveying the plot to the player. The variety of mobs makes for some fun fights, even if they're confusing from a storyline perspective. I really would like to give this one a higher rating, but the lack of clues makes it feel more like "stuff that happens" than a cohesive plot. Add clues to explain these groups involvement, give the player plot points to discover, make your pop-ups consistent, add a souvenir, and I'll re-rate it.

Rating: 3 Stars

You both make some good points and thinking about it I really do need to go back and add more info in. After writing my task force I got overly used to avoiding using things to save space because that thing had so many custom mobs in it.

The 5th Column enemies were used for two reasons. To save file space and because you can't make custom enemies that have a military feel like they do. They should have had custom descriptions though unless that messed up. I realized a little bit ago maybe adding red to their costume was a stupid idea though since the higher level 5th wear red and black.

I'm sorry about the destructable objects having default descriptions. I know last time I went in to edit the arc, they were all set to no object and when I reselected them it didn't occur to me to double check the text that was attached to them.

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Title: Future Skulls
ID: 4727
Levels: 1-15
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Canon Related, Save The World
Description: The Skulls are just a street gang now. But they have big plans for the future. Mirror Spirit asks for your help to stop one of them. [SFMA/LBMA]


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Soloed on level 14 Shield/Fire Tank. First of all, I noticed that the writing seems very polished which made things easier to follow. It was pretty easy on my tank, and the missions had a nice variety.

Here are the notes I made as I was running through it.


Mission 1

Nice clear intro, pretty dramatic, now I'm curious to know how the skulls will end the world.

Pop up - I'm impressed that I can smell darkness

Nav bar a bit redundant - Find the information, Find the Information Mirror Spirit sent you after.

A group of Skulls spawned at level 12, which was odd, but probably a bug that you can't do anything about.

I liked Bonesnap's dialog, though I think his mention of a ritual and sacrifice might be important enough to warrant a clue to summarize it.

Mission 2

Intro text is well written and clear.

Nav bar seems redundant again - Search the Coralax cavern for the information. Search for information

It's a nice change to get to fight Coralax. They're pretty under represented in the offical content.

The clue is a bit confusing. Failure wasn't really on my mind, and I'm not seeing the significance of the item - You took this small piece of the shattered urn, to remind you that failure is always possible.

Ok the end pop up explains that I feel empty handed, but I'm still not sure why I grabbed that piece of the urn.

I don't know about the end text. I'm not sure what a Guardian spell is, but it's capitalized so it must be important. Also, it's concerning that I didn't find anything but she believes others will be able to! That makes my character seem less important and also calls into question why I did this mission in the first place. I'd also like something to relate it more to the first mission.

Mission 3

Ok at least she's explained that everyone failed to find information.

Oh Jesus I was afraid this was going to be the ruined Atlas Park map. I'm glad that it's not! Still this seems like an awfully large map for a single objective.

Interesting custom mobs. I like the descriptions.

Nav text, is the Bride a "him?" Also the name of the boss isn't mentioned previously, so I would either mention the Bride in a clue, or make the objective sound more generic - Find the boss and beat the answers out of him. Find the Bride

Bride of Death had interesting dialog and is apparently a victim herself. Nice clue.

Mission 4

Nice detailed intro text, though I am wondering what the Skulls are doing in Salamanca. That seems like an odd setting for Skulls and we haven't heard hints of a connection before. I hope this and the connection to Coralax gets answered. Also noticed typo: "You have only *and* hour"

Wasn't Bonesnap the guy I defeated before? How did he come back?

The objectives were clearly marked with animations, which was nice. One of the victims was Penelope Yin. How did she get involved? It seems weird to just toss her in here.

Nice summary for the souvenir, but I'm still not getting the importance of the urn fragment. I'm assuming that will come up again in the follow-up arcs.

Overall, this story flowed well except for Mission 2 which seemed very out of place and not well connected to the main story. I'm sure it has significance further into your trilogy, but right here, in this arc it feels like "stuff that happened" smack dab in the middle of an interesting story. It kind of steals away from your momentum. There are some other minor details and a few things that seem out of place. Penelope Yin's involvement should really be developed along the way, or not there at all. I thought it was a good lowbie arc though, and look forward to playing the next installment (maybe later this weekend).

Rating: 4 Stars

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Title: Future Skulls
ID: 4727
Levels: 1-15
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Canon Related, Save The World
Description: The Skulls are just a street gang now. But they have big plans for the future. Mirror Spirit asks for your help to stop one of them. [SFMA/LBMA]


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Soloed on level 14 Shield/Fire Tank. First of all, I noticed that the writing seems very polished which made things easier to follow. It was pretty easy on my tank, and the missions had a nice variety.

Here are the notes I made as I was running through it.


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Thanks. I have been writing and re-writing it since the closed beta. I certainly hope it is getting polished.

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Mission 1

Nice clear intro, pretty dramatic, now I'm curious to know how the skulls will end the world.

Pop up - I'm impressed that I can smell darkness

Nav bar a bit redundant - Find the information, Find the Information Mirror Spirit sent you after.

A group of Skulls spawned at level 12, which was odd, but probably a bug that you can't do anything about.

I liked Bonesnap's dialog, though I think his mention of a ritual and sacrifice might be important enough to warrant a clue to summarize it.


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An example of being too close to the work. I never look at the Navbar anymore, I have ran the missions so many times. Easy enough to change, if the changes stick. (See below)

Actually, the map is set to ramp up. That gives you lower level spawns, usually with larger numbers in the front of the mission, rising in level until they are your level at the finale. If it works right, it can help give the impression of wading through the minions to reach the big boss.

Thinking about, you are probably right about a clue for Bonesnap. I guess I didn't give him one because he is not a required objective. And I ran out of room before the I15 changes.

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Mission 2

Intro text is well written and clear.

Nav bar seems redundant again - Search the Coralax cavern for the information. Search for information

It's a nice change to get to fight Coralax. They're pretty under represented in the offical content.

The clue is a bit confusing. Failure wasn't really on my mind, and I'm not seeing the significance of the item - You took this small piece of the shattered urn, to remind you that failure is always possible.

Ok the end pop up explains that I feel empty handed, but I'm still not sure why I grabbed that piece of the urn.

I don't know about the end text. I'm not sure what a Guardian spell is, but it's capitalized so it must be important. Also, it's concerning that I didn't find anything but she believes others will be able to! That makes my character seem less important and also calls into question why I did this mission in the first place. I'd also like something to relate it more to the first mission.


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The piece of urn is just what it says. A reminder that sometimes there is just nothing to find, no matter how great of a hero you are. In most of the arcs in the game, if the contact says, "Go check here and see if there is any information we can use." you will come back with exactly what is needed to get to the next step.

I couldn't have that happen this time for the story. Mirror Spirit has sent out dozens of heroes searching for information, but you are the start of things and the hero. Your failure is unexpected and it helps build the idea that desperation tactics are needed, setting up the 3rd mission.

As for why you did the mission in the first place, she doesn't know you won't find anything until you actually look. I could probably add something about her sending you to the most likely source of information, and have you be the last searcher to return. Which would also mean re-writing the start of the 3rd mission. Will think on it.

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Mission 3

Ok at least she's explained that everyone failed to find information.

Oh Jesus I was afraid this was going to be the ruined Atlas Park map. I'm glad that it's not! Still this seems like an awfully large map for a single objective.

Interesting custom mobs. I like the descriptions.

Nav text, is the Bride a "him?" Also the name of the boss isn't mentioned previously, so I would either mention the Bride in a clue, or make the objective sound more generic - Find the boss and beat the answers out of him. Find the Bride

Bride of Death had interesting dialog and is apparently a victim herself. Nice clue.


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It actually used to be worse than the ruined AP map, I originally had it on the flooded Dreck map. That map was the inspiration for the original story I had, which morphed into its present form. But it is huge, and a lot of people rightly complained about it. This one is much smaller, but still gives the flooded destruction look I wanted for the story.

And this is the See Below part. I have changed the Navbar at least a dozen times so far, to refer to beating the answers out of her. And it just doesn't seem to take. Other changes go through fine, but I keep getting comments about the Bride being a him.

The problem with mentioning the Bride before this point is, no one knows she exists. The spells which are used to send you there are looking for anyone that knows the needed information and will help you. (That is the desperate part. There is no way to know if someone like that actually exist there. And I just got an idea to add to the story writing that sentence. Hope I have room. ) I don't really see any way to add information about her to the mission before you reach her, and I can't add it before that mission.

I am glad the point of her not necessarily being a volunteer is more clear. I always had that in mind, but Talen_Lee did not get it when he review the arc. That is actually a point that plays a part in the last arc, so I wanted it to be clear there.

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Mission 4

Nice detailed intro text, though I am wondering what the Skulls are doing in Salamanca. That seems like an odd setting for Skulls and we haven't heard hints of a connection before. I hope this and the connection to Coralax gets answered. Also noticed typo: "You have only *and* hour"

Wasn't Bonesnap the guy I defeated before? How did he come back?

The objectives were clearly marked with animations, which was nice. One of the victims was Penelope Yin. How did she get involved? It seems weird to just toss her in here.


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There is no connection between the Skulls and Croatoa. The idea is they are performing a huge and powerful magical ritual, summoning something from a different dimension/universe. So I wanted it to be set somewhere associated with magic in the game. My choices are pretty much limited to Croatoa and Dark Astoria, and Croatoa already has at least 2 mystical beings regularly crossing dimensional barriers.

Penelope got involved the same way the other hostage did, the Skulls were sucking their powers out of them to power the summoning ritual. You have ran into the other hostage in game also, probably under 2 or 3 different names, rescuing her from various people for Azia.

I wanted the mission to be more then just defeat the boss, and the idea that they are sacrificing innocents to fuel the ritual fits both the Skulls death worship and other summoning rituals shown in the game. Generic civilians would work, but do not indicate much power.

I actually chose both hostages so that lower level players would have a better connection to them. Penelope is one of the most powerful psychics on the planet, so she makes for a really big battery and it indicates that something really, really powerful is part of the ritual and behind the Skulls. And whatever name you meet the other hostage under, she is usually described as having huge potential.

Yes, that is the same Bonesnap you defeated before. He came back the same way other characters in the game return later in an arc. I have been doing Ouroboros running the Mass Duplicity arc and there is one character there that shows up 3 times in the first 5 missions of the arc, and you are required to defeat him 2 of the times. All part of the Zig's revolving door policy. If you are playing a character that kills rather than captures, you will have to come up with your own explanation for his survival, just like you do in the regular game when someone recurs.

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Nice summary for the souvenir, but I'm still not getting the importance of the urn fragment. I'm assuming that will come up again in the follow-up arcs.

Overall, this story flowed well except for Mission 2 which seemed very out of place and not well connected to the main story. I'm sure it has significance further into your trilogy, but right here, in this arc it feels like "stuff that happened" smack dab in the middle of an interesting story. It kind of steals away from your momentum. There are some other minor details and a few things that seem out of place. Penelope Yin's involvement should really be developed along the way, or not there at all. I thought it was a good lowbie arc though, and look forward to playing the next installment (maybe later this weekend).

Rating: 4 Stars

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Thanks for the review and the thought provoking comments. Not sure why the piece of urn sticks with you so much, it is just what it appears to be, a souvenir. Heroes seem to be big on them and it let me give you a clue for the mission and something to use for the arc souvenir.

I look forward to your reaction to the second arc, I just did a major re-write on it and have no idea how well it works for an outsider.

You are no longer allowed to post responses to reviews that are longer than the review itself!

I mean come on, you shouldn't have to justify your arc this much. Plus she gave you 4 stars, dude! It's not like she told you to rewrite the whole thing.

Nah it's cool. I understand the need to explain stuff. But in general I'd say that effort that's going in to explaining stuff here should rather be put into clarifying things in the arc itself.

I mean if you absolutely require Penelope Yin's presence in your arc, just add some descriptive text and clues so people accept and welcome her.

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I have a couple of lowbie arcs. They're both pretty long-ish, about 2 hours each, so I'll certainly understand if you don't have the time to play either one of them. But I thought I'd toss them into the ring anyway, so to speak.

The Horsemen Chronicles (Part 1), #195149
The Wolfpack Chronicles (Part 1), #242869

They're kinda "mirror" stories of each other. Horsemen is heroic, Wolfpack is villainous.

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Your arcs look interesting, but at two hours each I'm going to have to say probably not. We're pretty casual players and if I have two consecutive hours to play this game, then I'll probably be doing a TF with my SG.

I think for the purpose of this review thread we're going to have to stick with arcs that are around one hour or less.

I made some big changes to Tailor Made, if any of you would like to give this short humor arc a try. This was due to feedback from folks here on the forums.

Tailor Made
Arc ID: 258291
Levels: 20-29
Length: 2 missions, 10-30+ minutes (depending on optional objectives)
Description: The Facemaker has serious problems due to the terrible economy, threats from The Family, and alarming new competition. (quick arc for lowbies or 20s villains who like to smash things)

Note: Was trying to replicate a mayhem mission-esque feel, with a bit of humor. Works well solo or teamed.

Arc ID 61866 - A Series of Unfortunate Kidnappings

I soloed this on a level 14 Shield/Fire tank and had no problems. Mobs were standard lowbie fare, but the varried mobs kept things interesting, and worked in the context of the story. I'm glad you used all smallish maps. I often look at map size as a compromise in five mission arcs, sort of like a show of appreciation for the player investing time in the longer stories. The story in this arc had a lot of momentum built up from clues, and even a few minor twists along the way. I thought it was really well done.

Here are the notes I made while I was playing it:

Mission 1

The contact hasn't mentioned Chris yet, but accept text is "Find Chris and defeat his captors".

Nav bar redundant - Defeat Chris' captors, Defeat captor

Really good mission. Nice use of clues. However, I do think the optional cop ally could possibly use a clue.

Mission 2

I liked this line: Stiches' description of 'wears black' and 'uses knives' covers roughly half of the Paragon villain population.

Again accept text mentions Shane and Firehawk before you know who they are.

Again, nav bar somewhat repetative - Rescue Shane and Firehawk Find clues, Rescue Firehawk

Good short mission, nice end clue

Mission 3

I was surprised to see the Hellions. It looks like they're here for the girl too, and I caught them in the act this time.

Nice NPC dialog. I liked the hero and the clockwork boss.

Again, nice quick map

Mission 4

The CoT weren't mentioned until the mission accepted dialog, which seemed a bit odd, but was likely due to space concerns. I'd still see if you can work a short sentence about the CoT kidnapping into the mission intro dialog.

I thought 'Grow Your Own Psionite Lab' was pretty funny
Technon's dialog was funny too
Clue is good too. I liked the little plot twist with the Circle

Mission 5

Wow, you fit a lot of objectives into this map. The nav does look a bit cluttered so you might consider replacing the kids names with "4 Kids to Rescue"

Great climactic ending that ties everything together. I also thought your dialog worked really well.

Question: do you not have a souvenir or is there an issue with my souvenir file? I realized I've collected a ton of souvenirs now on this character, and I know that sometimes causes problems. I've cleaned them up somewhat now.

Overall, the story was solid, with good forward momentum and great use of clues. The variety of mobs kept it interesting, and the maps were short an quick. I thought the story was very accessible, and the gameplay supported it well. Great low level arc, recommended!

Rating: 5 Stars

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Wow, you fit a lot of objectives into this map. The nav does look a bit cluttered so you might consider replacing the kids names with "4 Kids to Rescue"

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Iunno how to do that, though. I'm not even sure if its possible. They're all custom characters. Same thing with my clues.

Thanks for the rating.

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In the Shadow of the Towers, arc # 1402
(is this a reference to the twin towers by any chance?)

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Absolutely not. Lee Towers is canon, and important to the game's plot, but rarely mentioned.

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I'm a bit confused about the skulls motivation. They're intent on getting into this building, and yet have no idea what they'll find. Seems like a lot of effort and resources for a street gang to spend on this.

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Skulls are stupid.

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Be careful with big leaps in the story that don't directly effect the overall plot. For example, you say there's a list of addresses that might possibly have explosives and then say it is unimportant that we find them all.

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I think Rivers said that the cops couldn't find them all on their own and that they needed your help, but there might be something else in there that I can't remember at the moment.

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I think there are a couple things that could be wrapped up and clarified in this arc, even if you want to leave other things open for a continuation.

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May try to clear up some subtext at a later date, based on this and past reviews. As for a sequel, I'm worried that it might break canon.

Thank you for the review.

This is super easy. Basically set all of your objectives to have the same plural nav (ie "kids to save"). If they are all the same, it will show as 4 kids to save, even though there are 4 different objectives with a 1 quantity on each.

Then you can set the single nav to what ever you want, either have it the same for all (ie "save the last kid") or you can set different ones for each. Which ever one is last it will default to that (ie "save chris")

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Might I suggest a little bit of fun?

City of Ho Ho Ho, or A Claus in Paragon
Arc ID: 18775
Levels: 5-20
Length: 3 missions. Timing may vary; they're on small maps.
Description: Experience the origin story of Tubbius Claus of Paragon City, a hero claiming to be old Santa himself, on vacation from his duties in the North Pole!

I'll see what I can do about playing one of your arcs tomorrow (today, whatever, as it's after midnight already!) as time permits.



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Rated 3 stars.

Played with level 14 enrg/enrg blaster and 14 arch/mental blaster on easiest diff.

I was ready to give this arc 4 stars after the second mission. In fact, I think this would have been a decent quick lowbie arc if you had stopped at the second mission.

Personally, I feel that the third mission seems random, does not add to the story, and actually was quite frustrating. We run on easiest diff to get a feel for how well we would be able to adjust our play style to arcs and this one was not very friendly. Spawning elemental boss groups for lowbies is kinda mean and I would hate to see how that would play out at level 5.

In each mission we skipped over claus to stealth to the other objectives and then come back otherwise we would be forced to kill all by the nature of having an aggressive ally (he seemed to attack anything in sight). We had no issues up until the last boss, mainly because the main boss would spawn leut level. The last mission, as I said, had boss level general mobs which we tried to skip, a leut final boss, and then had an ambush with 5 (counted five) lieutenants which royally kicked our [censored]. Sure we could have survived with claus tankin. But I also believe that if this main boss had been going after claus in the last mission, then claus should have been closer to the boss and not at opposite ends.

On a more nit picky side, I noticed problems with the writing that might need some smoothing out. Here's some examples:

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But the next thing that went wrong was a horrible blow.

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I do not think that is what you meant to say. The way that you wrote this, "blow" is the subject of what went wrong.

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I have bills to pay, you know, and my work at the North Pole doesn't pay save in joy and smiles and warm, happy feelings.

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Bare minimum this needs a coma but I think it needs more, maybe break it into two sentences and clarify, "pay money" and "only pays in joy...etc"

These are only examples but I noticed this throughout. It's minor but if you can get another person to read over your stuff or simply read it out load yourself, I think you'll find were the problems are.

I think this arc suffers mostly from mechanics. But the last mission either needs more story or it probably should be removed. Doing stuff for the hell of it doesn't really help your story and having the villain break out for a rematch is a little weak. At least that's how it feels when I play it.

tl:dr

• Think long and hard about how you want the last mission. I think it takes away from the story. It also ruins the mood by being frustrating while the first two missions were easy going.
  
• Fine tune your writing and see if you can have someone in RL go over it with you. If you can't, read your stuff out loud to see if it really makes sense.
  

My arc is solo-friendly and lowbie-friendly, and can be completed in under an hour.

Defying Fate
by @Getsumei Kitsune
Arc ID: 110866
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Save the World, Sci-Fi
Length: Long (3 missions with relatively small maps)

Thanks for the rating and time.

A few quick things, and I'll look at what all you suggested.

I've no idea why it would have spawned characters that difficult. I've always run missions on difficulty level one, and I've been able to solo this arc with a blaster, three different controllers, a scrapper, and a sonic/sonic defender, without facing those kind of odds. My apologies on that. In addition, Claus is set to Defensive, not Aggressive, actions.

As for the grammatical concerns? I'll look back over those to double check. It's funny. . . you guys aren't the first to mention that, yet I teach English composition and research for a living. Go figure. I currently stand by the dialog as written, though I'll see if it needs tweaking.

I do agree about the third mission. I've not thought of a better way to end it, yet, and this was my first arc, so I've not gone back to adjust it heavily in some time. As for Tubbius, he's positioned where he is strictly to give players an ally for as much of the mission as is possible.

I didn't design the arc with stealthing it in mind, but I can understand why you would have wished to do so.

Again, thank you for your responses and consideration. I'm working on minor modifications, as I type this.

Hey, I think you guys havea great idea here. I just recently finished my first arc and would love to have your feed back on it. Thanks, and I hope you have the time for it. Let me know what you think!

Arc Name: The Boneyard
Arc ID: 253542
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Gebsy/Captain Zero
Difficulty Level: Easy, Level 1-15
Synopsis: A local youth, Gabriel Rodriguez, is getting involved in gang activity with the Skulls. His older brother, Manuel, has asked you for your help bringing Gabriel back to the right side. Can you help save him from a life of violence?
Estimated Time to Play: 30-90 minutes

Just a note to say that Londer and I are in San Diego for the next week, so we're taking a break from reviews. Now to get ready to head down to Comic Con!

I know you've played the one in my sig, but I have a lowbie-ish villainous arc that I haven't edited one bit since bringing it from Test.

I'd love to have some fresh eyes look at it and tell me what they think since I'm sure it needs a lot of work.

Strike!
Arc ID: 18401
Help the Local 151 get the Scrapyarders better working conditions. These guys have been pushed down and repressed for long enough! Actually, maybe you won't. Bit it is fun to torture this over-optimistic moron.

Contains an EB and will auto you to 20 on the last 3 missions if you're not already there. Whenever I edit it I'm going to even out the level range to max at 30 for all of them if I can, but it varies between 29 and 40 (30 for the last two).

It assumes your character is a mean [censored], so if that conflicts with your precious little snowflake of a character's personality, I really don't care (that's not aimed at the wost-dragon's, of course).

Hope you have a blast at Comic Con!

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Glazius, you should know that we've played all of yours and loved them.


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Belatedly, but thank you. Both of you, really. Finally taking a weekend to catch up on the forumage.

Hey guys, I've had a crazy vacation and will have a crazy week ahead of me so not sure how many reviews I can do before the weekend (not many) but I or anachro will do as many as we can.

Quote:

Originally Posted by airhead You might try 190069 from my sig, I'm especially curious whether the humor and story work played as a team. It's "Medium" length, 3 missions. Thanks! ... My Arcs: 190069: Captain Dynamic, the Great, Faces The Great Face...

Ran on level 10 ice/pain corrup and level 10 robot/trap MM on easiest diff.

CAPT DYNAMIC IS SO OUT OF CHARACTER, HE WOULD NEVER BE THIS SMART OR SPEND THIS MUCH TIME ON STUFF! YOU BROKE CANON!

Just kidding but I did think it was funny how much he talked about complex things.

Rating: 4 stars.

Playability was challenging for a two person lowbie team on low diff. Especially the custom mobs and last mission (ramp up). We didn't die but it did make me wonder what it would be like on a higher diff and/or solo.

I think this arc was quick, fun, and charming. I don't think it's for everyone. I could easily see certain people having a hissy fit about the more unique aspects of this arc, and the general slap-stick dialog.

I would have given this arc five stars just on the humor factor but I kinda felt that the "original" stories were a little over done and maybe too detailed. I felt they detracted from the 'gotcha' in the arc. I'm wondering if maybe that can be simplified or condensed into one story line that flows with the other one instead of having snakes and rikti armor. Although the rim-shot boa in the last mission was pretty funny.

There is an immense amount of detail and comedy placed in this arc. I actually had a lot of fun clicking on the boxes and emails, and found myself interrupting on purpose just to see what it would say. The 'somethings more important than looking in this empty box" was especially brilliant.

I found one major problem with your story in that at level 10, Lost spawn instead of rikti. YOU RUINED MY IMMERSION!! YOU'VE SINNED!! REPENT!! Seriously though, you might want to look into making custom rikti or maybe setting the min level to just above rikti level.

I truly loved this arc and want to see it polished up.

tl:dr

Very funny, very quick, lowbie friendly but soloing may or may not be a problem with last mission and custom mobs.

Needs work on rikti mobs to make them spawn.

I would suggest, from personal taste, simplifying the 'original' stories into one less complicated plot, to put more focus on 'gotcha' moment.

Probably not for everyone, especially not for the more serious story arc players.

Good job, I really liked it!

EDIT: Author made changes to this arc that earns it a 5 star rating. It is no longer low level but it makes more sense and is still a very quick play on easiest diff. I highly recommend this for team/solo play 30+ level. Very enjoyable and funny!

Captain Dynamic, the Great, Faces the Great Face, arc ID: 190069

Londer and I duoed this arc on our communist themed comedy duo: Eastern Bloc, level 10 Bots/Traps MM and Pinko Taxi Bot, level 10 Ice/Pain Cor. Our choice of characters seemed strangely appropriate for this arc.

SPOILERS BELOW








I really liked the intro text, and chuckled a bit at Captain Dynamic's obliviousness. Also have to say I liked the use of $Name in the mission accept. I think it's the first time I've seen that done.

I was really confused about how "I need you to visit those Snakes, and their leader, Sskrinssafa, and find out whether Great Face has succeeded in making Rikti armor." became this: "Save the cat - save the world". Then I had the dawning realization that this was intentional absurdity, and by that time I was laughing pretty hard at Mindy's lengthy description. So someone must have overwritten the mission eh? Well this completely lacks continutity, but it's intentional, so I'm going to make the choice to just roll with it.

Now for the next one... The mention of Captain Slippery and the Euronators had me laughing. Note: hopefully "worned" was misspelled on purpose.

Inside the mission, the dialog for the captain dynamic look alikes is really funny. We did note a crate with interrupt text that said "You are disturbed". Not sure something else caught my attention, or if you're making accusations here. Overall, the empty crates are funny, but I noticed that some of them repeated, which I don't think is really necessary. Once you've seen the joke once, you're not really accomplishing anything by having multiple objectives with the same text. Euronator robots had suspiciously yellow leg armor, eww

Now here's the biggest problem I found: At our low level, Lost spawned rather than Rikti. This sort of ruined the Rikti technology aspect of the story. I'd suggest probably setting the level to 30+ to ensure that players get Rikti.

Minor nitpick, the end mission text from mission 2 says this:

I have a new mission for you, "Captain Dynamic".

But I think you want this, because he's quoting himself:

"I have a new mission for you, 'Captain Dynamic'".

On to the next mission, the hacking is hillarious again, as is the nav bar. I do question the presence of the snake "Constructor". It seemed sort of out of place, like it's the punchline for a joke you never got a chance to tell. If we'd actually encountered snakes in the first mission it might have made more sense to me, but I don't know, it seemed strange that they showed up now. Also Captain Slippery spawned as a lieutenant which was a tad dissapointing, but I did think his dialog was hillarious.

Overall, absurdity is really hard to convey, especially in a medium like this. I think you did a great job though, and the arc accomplished its goal... and was really enjoyable and funny. The only real issue I had was the Lost that spawned due to our level. Also, while I think the first mission is a surprise and very funny, it seems pretty disconnected from the rest of the Euronator and hacking story line. If there's any way to add some more relevance I think it would help there.

Rating: 5 Stars - Funny and highly recommended!