LaserJesus' Crucible of Unforgiving Criticism

Thanks, LJ! I might have to go back and add a patrol or two. We'll see.

Bricked Electronics
Arc ID: 2180
Author: @GlaziusF
Rating: 4 stars

Short Version
Good characterization of the NPCs, and a well defined plot make for a good story arc.

Plot Synopsis
Mark Freeman, expert hacker for the PPD sends you on a mission to learn more about the traces of data left on a refurbished cell phone, leading to an evil plot, like always.

Story
Again, the NPCs are well characterized. They all have personality, from Mark Freeman's rambling about technology to the Council base leader's paranoia. The story's a bit wordy, but that's not a bad thing if you don't mind reading.

Honestly, I don't have much to suggest to make the story better. However, in the last mission, the contact claims that I have 10 minutes to stop the bank robbery. However, the actual timer was 15 minutes.

Mechanics
Aside from the third mission, where I got iced by an ambush that was summoned on me by a boss, and where I had a little trouble hunting down a glowie in the council base, there was little frustration. The custom enemies weren't overpowered in the slightest, and should be easy enough for any character who isn't a complete wuss.

Final Thoughts
A good mission to play through with a low level character for sure. I recommend it.

LJ, I'm not sure how I missed this request. I've been swamped with RL stuff, lately so I'll blame senility.

In any case, I'd be honored if you'd run Part 2 of "The Consequences of War" #241496. Part 1 (227331) has been signficantly revised since your 3 star rating back in mid-June, but I hestitate to ask you to re-run it simply because you've got enough on your plate. Any way it goes, whatever you'd like to do would tickle me pink.

I humbly submit my arc to be shredded to ribbons with cruel criticism

Strife in Turmoil
Arc ID: 65180
Morality: Heroic
Level Range: 25-50
Length: long (4 missions)
EB/AV: 1 EB

The Custom power selection warning referes to a boss to which I removed Rage from.

Props to MGM who pointed out the many gramatical errors I made. If you find any he missed, let me know and I'll fix 'em

Hey LJ, have I told you to play this new one of mine yet?

Arc ID: 296884
Arc Title: A Show of Hands
Morality: Villainous
Level Range: 40-54
Length: 4 Missions
Description: Things go topsy-turvy when just a couple of hours before the sale somebody robs your fence. Get the item back in time and teach the thieves a lesson about stealing from the likes of you. (Ambush-heavy, teams or strong soloers recommended.)

'Ey there,

I've recently finalized [hah, as if] my first arc, and I'd like to get a good evisceration, if possible. :P

ID - #299972
Title - The Coldest of Wars
Length - 4 missions (~60-100 mins of playtime)
Level range - 40-54
Difficulty - moderate; there is an elite boss [downgrades to normal boss on low difficulty] in the last mission with Ice Control (used to have Ice Armor too *cringe*), but I tried to keep other annoyances to a minimum.


thanks in advance,

-- Z.

*blows dust off of thread*

I attempted to play through Arc #156813, The Computer Loves You on 3 separate occasions, and each time I was unable to finish due to required objectives not spawning, a file cabinet in the first mission, and an AV in the last mission twice. As such, I have not reviewed it, nor rated it. If the author is able to fix the problems, I will attempt it again.

LJ, would you be able to run The Echo for a review?

Eco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow [The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."

Well, I have looked at my latest arc and the current round of MA bugs don't seem to be doing any major damage to it (there is a small issue but I don't think it will even be noticed by players), so I would appreciate a run through if you would LJ.

Leaving Crey, ID 301947

One SGmate went through and pointed out typos (So there should only be a few hundred left. ), and I didn't get any feedback from the other run through, so it will be nice to get a thorough going over, or even a quick run.

Hi, it would be awesome if you could review The Most Important Thing (266877).

Strife in Turmoil
Arc ID: 65180
Author: @Imoba Strife
Rating: 3 stars

Short Version
An arc that's mostly a non-frustrating experience with an okay story that has a few issues that need to be worked on.

Plot Synopsis
Imoba Strife's brother has gone back in time to prevent them from gaining eternal life from a 5th Column experiment, and he has asked for your help in stopping him.

Story
First things first, the spelling and formatting need work. It's not unreadable by any means, but needs quite a bit of cleaning up. Unfortunately I don't take notes on this kind of thing so I'm not going to be of much help in editing. Again though, everything can be read and understood. I only rate something poorly for stuff like grammar unless it's a complete mess.

My main issue with the plot is the fact that Imoba can't go back in time to stop his brother since he has to remain in an Ouroboros magic ward to prevent changes to the timeline from affecting him. This wouldn't be a problem if his brother didn't get his immortality from the same occurrence. The brother is perfectly capable of gallivanting around time without instantly becoming an 80 year old man, so Imoba should be able to as well. This would make more sense if Jacen (the brother) was only sending his henchman back in time and remaining in the present himself, perhaps in a temporal stasis field of Dr. Aeon's design.

If you change the story in that way, then the final mission could be to go to Jacen's hideout and defeat him and destroy his time machine, preventing him from just trying again. (Well, unless he steals another time machine.) I want to point out that I'm not trying to tell you how to write your story, just throwing out ideas on how to fix a plot hole.

Also, the reasoning for why Imoba has to be in the ward is kind of vague at the beginning. He simply states that if he leaves the circle he'll become old, not why. At first I was thinking that was just a condition of his immortality and was wondering how he got any crime fighting done, but later it's said in plainer terms it's to prevent changes in the past from affecting him. Just a small bit about that being the reason in the first mission's text would clear it up immediately.

The story does have some potential. Jacen's motivations are believable, even if it is hard to feel sorry for him since he made his own bed. But then, when are villains ever completely rational? Never, that's when.

Mechanics
While the custom enemies being made up to look like Thugs henchman was pretty cool, just having 2 minions, one lieutenant and one boss to fight for almost the entire arc started to get a bit repetitive. The 5th Column changes things up a bit, but not enough since you see them a lot in the AE. Not bashing the Column, but if they're not the most used enemy group in AE arcs I'll die of shock. No reason you can't mix it up a bit and throw in some completely made up henchmen that aren't based specifically on the MM set. I'm sure you've got the space for it, what with there only being 8 custom characters in total and 4 missions.

The second mission where you have to beat up the past versions of the two brothers to ensure that they're captured by the 5th Column has them spawn as bosses with 5th Column surrounding them. The problem with this is that they say things like "It's $name! You guys are in for a beating!" and then promptly start shooting you with machine gun fire.

Getting into writing your arc for you territory, but there's a way you can do this mission without these problems. Set the enemy group to empty. This is necessary for a later step to avoid confusion. Have the brothers spawn as allies. Have one of the two be the first one that's rescued, with the second one spawning after the first one is rescued. You can have the dialogue be something like "My brother and I got separated." Then have the alarm set to not be completable until the second one is rescued. Set both allies to betray you when the alarm is completed, and also have the alarm spawn a 5th Column ambush set to rogue. This way, the 5th Column should attack both you and the brothers. This will make it so the brothers don't attack you until you give them a reason to think you're working with the enemy.

I failed the third mission before I even saw one of the objects I needed to defend. I'm pretty sure this is because a battle between the thugs and the 5th column aggroed the thugs that were standing around one of the objects, putting them into attack mode before I could do anything. Battles spawn in rescue locations instead of boss fight locations for reasons I can't fathom, and on lab maps they like to spawn right on top of boss fight locations for reasons I also can't fathom. The easiest way to avoid this problem is to make sure that the battles and defend object objectives don't spawn in the same area, like putting all the battles in the middle and putting all the defend objects in the back.

Final Thoughts
I'm sorry if I seem to be taking too much liberty with my suggestions, but half of the reason I do this thread is to try and help people create better arcs in addition to pointing out the arcs I think are great for others to play. If you don't like my suggestions, feel free to ignore them completely.

And I apologize for the complete lack of activity on this thread from me. Dragon Age is a ******* time vampire.

A Show of Hands
Arc ID: 296884
Author: @Lazarus
Rating: 5 stars

Short Version
A challenging and fun arc with tons of interesting minutia in the missions.

Plot Synopsis
Your fence is selling a valuable item you've stolen, and you're heading out to the deal to get your share of the cash. What can go wrong? (Hint: Everything)

Story
The plot is really standard, but it's executed pretty well. The story says that you have 2 hours to find the item, and I was expecting a lot of timed missions, but the author instead decided to instead go for a perceived time limit instead by giving you clues at the beginning of the mission that say how long you have to go. Gives the plot a sense of urgency without abusing time limited missions.

Speaking of clues, if you're like me and like to read, this arc is great. Tons of random optional objectives that more often than not give you a clue. Setting up bombs in the Council base was especially a nice touch. Being proactive in AE missions is always nice.

I was hoping that the "valuable item" would turn out to be something completely stupid at the end, but it's never defined. Oh well. I'll just pretend that it was a prize winning Pomeranian, because people murdering each others over a small annoying dog greatly amuses me.

Mechanics
Again, the use of optional objectives is great. Though I was a little disappointed that even though the pet window appeared when I rescued the Battle Drone, I couldn't command it. Not the author's fault, I know, but still a bummer to be lied to like that.

The Nagans from The Portal Bandits make a return, so their brand of challenge is back. That is, hard, but not to the point of anger over cheap ********. I got killed by them once, and that's because the terrible spawn point placement on lab maps reared its ugly head again and dropped a boss group on top of a rescue group. Then again, it's partially my fault for playing on x3.

The author is not kidding about it being ambush heavy. There was a very intense moment where I was determined not to let the Freakshow destroy a single wooden crate, and despite the fact that I had an ally with me, the crate nearly died due to a nearby boss group and the fact that every nearly every single freakshow decided to rez. So again, the arc is a challenge. Thankfully, I like a good challenge.

Final Thoughts
The arc isn't a great work of literature, nor does it try to be. It's fun, well constructed, and a blast if you like challenges.

The Coldest of Wars
Arc ID: 299972
Author: @Celestial Nemesis
Rating: 4 stars

Short Version
A fun arc that could use a bit of polish, but otherwise is not a bad way to spend an hour or so.

Plot Synopsis
An undercover investigation into Crey's shady business practices by the FBSA reveals an enemy from the past who has come back to wreak havoc on Paragon City.

Story
Ridiculous Soviet super-soldiers? Check. Even more ridiculous plot to destroy the city? Check. Campy, over the top Soviet dialogue? Check. The plot is a classic superhero half-serious, half-what the eff affair, and I like it. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

However, at times it feels like the contact is simply spouting exposition to anyone in earshot instead of informing the player, particularly in the first mission. The author states that this was their first mission, and that's a pretty easy mistake to have. There's not much I can specifically suggest that wouldn't involve me rewriting the contact's dialogue completely, but in general it's best to avoid the contact spouting facts while the player character is presumably standing there nodding politely. What I do is try and read dialogue back to myself either out loud or in my head as if someone was saying it, and ask myself if it sounds natural or not.

If you can't find a way to make it sound natural, you can always fall back on using the mission begin clue to deliver the exposition in the form of a dossier or something that the contact hands to you, with the contact saying something in the form of "This is a briefing I've written up detailing all the things you need to know about the assignment."

There was also an instance of the contact saying nearly the same sentence word for word in both the debriefing for mission 3 and the briefing for mission 4. A simple oversight, easily corrected by just deleting one of the two instances.

Mechanics
Good idea on capping the arc level range at 45, to avoid the annoying all-tank Crey spawns. However, they still appeared at level 45 occasionally. Perhaps capping it at 44 would avoid them entirely?

A little sprucing up of some of the objectives that require you to click multiple computers and destroy the 6 devices couldn't hurt. In the first mission, I noticed some of the computers had the same flavor text when you finished clicking them. Making them multiple objectives that all have the same plural navigation text, but different flavor text, would help add a little variety. The same goes for the ice cream machines in the third mission. The lab scanner seems a bit out of place for an ice cream machine anyway, no matter how heavily modified. It'd be neat if at least one of them was a release captive objective who was a normal civilian doing the emote where they're standing by a vending cart, surrounded by snow monsters.

Final Thoughts
It's pretty standard for someone's first arc to be rough around the edges as the author learns how to use the system and what works and what doesn't work. With some polish over time, this arc can only get better.

If you can find the time, I'd like you to review my arc Real Afterlife # 354483 and if you got one you'd like me to play through (or if anyone reading this would like me to play through theirs) I'd be willing to. Just PM me the number and name

Thanks

I've decided to cut off requests at this point so I can get through the last of these arcs and do those re-reviews I said I would do, uh... how many months ago? In any case, yeah. Queue is closed until further notice. If you have updated an arc since I've reviewed it and would like me to take a second crack at it, let me know.

The Echo
Arc ID: 1688
Author: @MrCaptainMan
Rating: 1 stars

Short Version
The arc begins with comedic tones, with jokes that didn't do much for me, and takes a sharp turn off of an angst cliff in a final mission that was tedious and involved a plot point that left a sour taste in my mouth.

Plot Synopsis
A kidnapping by the Freakshow seems to involve an old hero called The Monitor, and is only the beginning of something bigger.

Story

Spoilers ahead, if you care.



So I'll just start with my biggest issue. I killed The Monitor? Why? There was no good reason for me to. What, because he had plans and components for a doomsday device? Big deal. Him and every other supervillain on the planet. They get their face kicked and thrown into jail, not murdered. The evil messages written in ALLCAPS and sent as text messages with LOL in them which are "obvious evidence" that he's "gone nuts"? When I saw those I knew that they were either lame attempts at humor or that I was being strung along, and my suspicions to the latter were strengthened by the multiple assurances that he was a "dangerous madman" written out in the clues and contact dialogue.

Most superheroes don't kill. City of Heroes assumes that most heroes are closer to Superman than the Punisher. Besides, The Monitor is singled out completely in the arc as to who gets killed. In earlier missions Freakshow bosses are decidedly alive after I defeat them in order for me to interrogate them. But for some reason I decide to run the ex-hero through with my sword? And I don't want to hear "But you thought he would have a medical teleporter on him, so normally you could deal him a lethal blow and he'd be fine." I was never led in the story to believe that. He's been presumed dead for years, he probably isn't even registered in the teleporter network anymore. At least, I would hope that the city inactivates a hero's registration when they die, including their medicom. I'd hate to think that a villain could just get their hands on a dead hero's medicom and have it still work.

It's also not if I hauled in a police drone, which as far as I can tell is still the only way for a villain to be instantly transported to jail. Any criminal I beat up still has to be processed the old fashioned way, by police. And even if he would be instantly transported to a hospital, I doubt there'd be a 100% chance that they'd save him from lethal wounds. A non-lethal takedown would always be the best option.

To make matters worse, the exit mission pop-up pretty much calls me a dick for killing him. Way to give a big middle finger to the player, by using authorial power to force their character to kill someone and then saying "How's it feel, hero?"

If the guy was still a hero at heart like the souvenir claims, he wouldn't have forced another person to commit murder, and instead would have put a gun in his mouth.

Moving on to the rest of the arc, the humor didn't do much for me. Humor is more subjective than pretty much anything else, so your mileage may vary. It went for complete wackiness, but didn't really jibe with the serious nature of the arc. I mean the first mission involves a woman who's husband beats her. Why The Monitor paid the Freakshow to kidnap her is a mystery, presumably just so a hero would rescue her and learn that he's involved, and start investigating. Still, spousal abuse is serious business, and not like the internet is serious business. It's explicitly stated by the police that she's been beaten by her husband. That doesn't mesh well at all with the wacky humor presented in other areas in the arc.

The Crey live fire exercise is completely unnecessary. The level range is 40-54, any hero by this point will know that Crey are a bunch of dicks and villains who will not "understand if you ask nicely" and in fact will shoot all intruding superheroes on sight, whether they're there to investigate or there to stop other villains from raiding their lab.

More of a side note, does this take place in an alternate Paragon City in Britain? Or are all the Freakshow just European? I guess British hooligans are a perfect fit for the Freakshow, but it just seemed out of place for the setting of Rhode Island. Not a big deal, just a little strange.

Mechanics
Oh god, the final mission. I understand the chained objectives were so the author could put the villain's monologue as clues, but my lord, 15 Freakshow bosses on the large boat map that spawn one at a time? That's just tedious.

After I finally got to The Monitor, he seemed to be electric blast/electric armor on high settings. In other words, goodbye endurance. It was a frustrating cap to 15 boss spawns that all needed to be cleared completely before the next one would appear. (So if any of them rezzed before you killed them all, you'd have to go back and kill that one. And if the boss rezzed while you were killing THAT one, then you begin swearing.) I'm frankly amazed that none of them failed to spawn on the map. I was all geared up for having to reset the mission and everything.

In the Crey library mission, the first enemy I ran into was Head Librarian Ray, a boss in a tweed jacket and a power helmet, no bio. Later I found out that the final boss for the mission is also this character, with a bio. I can only assume that Ray was at the beginning by total accident. Either the author made a mistake and added a boss spawn with him in the front and didn't realize it, or forgot to flag him as Do Not Autospawn in the custom group editor.

Other than that, the interact time for the glowies could really stand to be turned down. Especially since you have 4 or 5 in some missions.

Final Thoughts
This arc really did absolutely nothing for me. I went from not finding the comedy funny to being frustrated at utter tedium to being outraged at the ending that requires your character to do something completely stupid. Based on my own personal tastes I can not recommend it.

Leaving Crey
Arc ID: 301947
Author: @Justice Blues
Rating: 4 stars

Short Version
An arc with a decent plot with some nice little touches to put it in line with the point in time that it occurs, but could use some polish and some more mission dressing.

Plot Synopsis
During the first Rikti Invasion, a Crey employee finds evidence that Crey is illegally reverse engineering Rikti technology and asks for your help in bringing it to light.

Story
The plot works, so there's not anything that I would fundamentally change. However, the contact dialogue can seem a bit flat at times, a bit more expositional than conversational. Standard advice, try reading it out loud and seeing if it feels natural to say. The first mission's accept text said "you" instead of "I", as well. Some other areas probably have more typos that I can't remember. Unfortunately I never really take notes on spelling and grammar errors, I just remember the ones that really stick out.

Mechanics
For the most part, I like the custom group. It makes a lot of sense for the arc, considering that it occurs during the Rikti War, and thus Crey doesn't have armies of Paragon Protectors and such yet.

However, I do have a few bits of advice. Lose the devices on the minions. Web Grenade has a 4 second recharge, and when paired with another ranged set, they'll use it every time it comes up, which is an easy perma-immobilize and a hefty speed debuff in addition to -fly and -jump. Not a good thing to have on a minion. Especially with the lieutenants with electric manipulation. Those are less of an issue, as you won't see them as often, and they'll stop if they're in melee. In fact, setting the electric lieutenants to melee AI would help stop them from spamming it.

I also generally suggest against willpower on bosses that appear more than once. They not only get a hefty amount of smashing and lethal resistance, but they get resistance to everything else AND a pretty big increase in hit points. The level 45 bosses had an extra 22% HP or so, which just makes them a bit more tedious. Invulnerability gives practically the same resistances, but without the added HP.

On an aesthetic note, the electric using lieutenants were much taller than any of the other customs. While standard enemies have random height, when one custom is standing much taller than the rest of them, it looks strange, especially when another custom is kind of short. Speaking of which, was it intended for the contact and Justice Blues to be so small? They barely reached my waist.

I would consider switching from the default weapons to something else. For the assault rifles you could use the normal looking assault rifle or the 5th Column/Council one, and the Katana could be the Impervium one to fit better with the Crey aesthetic.

The second mission and last missions had glowies that didn't serve any purpose. Instead of just having them say "Nothing important here" or similar, you could put some clues in there, like evidence of Crey's other activities. The third mission also seemed like it could use a lot more sprucing up. I like the Rikti who speak in random symbols, but aside from them and a patrol, it's just mowing down badguys to get to the escort and back. A boat is already a pretty big map, and an escort just makes it seem longer. The escort doesn't even say anything when you find it, lose it, or get it to the door. It yelling at you incomprehensibly would be a nice touch.

Final Thoughts
Its a relatively new mission (my vote was the fourth) so it's expected for it to not be perfect. It definitely needs more polish and revisions, but most, if not all, of the problems are due to that fact, so this one gets a 4 instead of a 3.

I be honor if you reviem my Story Arc,I been working on for a while and need some more feed back,trying to get zero spelling Error's and suggestion

I kind of felt bad that mender Roebuck didn't have a TF/SF and all the other Mender's do So here we go

Story Title-Mender Roebuck Taskforce:World War Two-The Time War

Arc ID:105839

Global to Contact or to look up-Super Ratz

Story Description- Travel Back in Time to fight for Freedom,you most Stop a Great Evil form changing our Timeline.Travel to 1939-1944 Germeny and Stop this evil form changing our Timeline.

Contact-Mender Roebuck-Yes the guy who sell's inspirations

Story Length-5 Mission,Very Long

Villans-Have both Custom and None Custom,AV and Elite Boss's as well

Diffculty-Can be hard to solo depending on Arc type

Hey guys! Me again! Did you miss me?

...No?

Aww.



I'm going to start doing reviews again! It's been a while, and I've been doing all kinds of other stuff. But you don't want to hear excuses.

As always, drop a line here in the thread or PM me if you prefer that, and I'll get to your arc when I can. I promise to give feedback wherever possible and generally try to point out exactly what issues I had with an arc and any possible ways I can think of that they can be addressed.