LaserJesus' Crucible of Unforgiving Criticism
By
Aisynia,
Posted on: 2009-06-12 15:14 in Mission Architect
Alright, I'm going to start reviews again. A combination of beta testing the hell out of the MA changes in I15, getting The Sims 3 (so damn addictive) and a debilitating summer cold (I hate summer) was the reason for my absence.
Just to respond to a few of the posts that have been made:
A) Drakule's dark regen was always a tough thing for me to decide to keep or not. On one hand, Standard meant just the two armors. Not too impressive for the big bad. Dark Regen itself is just ridiculous on AVs though. Some teams had no troubles, if you had some slows, or -regen or whatnot, he went down in no time flat. If you were melee heavy, he was a beast.
However, with custom power selections, it's gone! So is Oppressive Gloom, since the stun's kinda mean, and Cloak of Darkness is gone since some people were reporting not seeing his model. He's got Soul Transfer now, but if you've completed all the other objectives, killing him should end the mission immediately, as his encounter is set to only need the boss to complete.
B) If the writing for Rise of the Drakule and its sequel seem very derivative, there's a good reason for it, as it's a parody. I assure you it is definitely not meant to be a serious story. To me, the humor comes from the sheer ridiculousness of the contact's dialogue, the character Ashton, and the dichotomy between Drakule's completely overwrought brooding and the utter incompetency and lameness of his wannabe vampire army who hang out in dance clubs. Senses of humor are wildly different, and if it doesn't strike you as funny, then I'm not too worried. Some will get it, some won't.
C) Alright has been in use since the 1800s, and it both saves space for the character limit for dialogue, and it looks far more conversational to me. Besides, Ashton's a dudebro who thinks he's a ninja and wants to become a vampire to score with hot vampire chicks. I don't think he has the best grasp of the intricacies of the English language, brah.
Welcome back, LJ and gratz on the the Dev praise.
Here to kickstart your review return is...
Arc Name: The Trifecta Task Force
Arc ID:164681
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Ashcraft
Difficulty Level: Medium- Designed for teams or strong solo characters.
Synopsis: A unique mutant with ties to the Midnighters Has called on you for help. His brain has mutated to the point where he has three separate personalities. Sister Psyche tried to help him but the time he spent with the psychic powerhouse caused another mental mutation.
Trifecta now has three distinct personalities wrecking havoc in the world with uncontrolled psychic power. One shard of his mind has contacted you and asks that you help him before he loses his mind... for good.
Estimated Time to Play: 5 missions, 20-40 minutes
Promotional Video
A Guide to Champion Drama
My Videos
Ashcraft been published.
Hey LJ, how 'bout a review of "The Portal Bandits"? With issue 15 I feel that I finally have it close to a "final" state.
Red Typhoon
Arc ID: 4912
Author: @MM3 Squints
Rating: 2 stars
Quick Version
Custom enemies with annoying powers, and a plot that doesn't make up for the playability issues.
Plot Synopsis
An international crisis is brewing that could lead to World War 3, and the Malta Group and a mysterious intelligence group from North Korea seem to be at fault.
Story
There's potential here. The core idea behind the plot isn't a bad one. It's the same premise behind movies like A Sum of All Fears. Unfortunately, it's not really executed well. First off, the contact says in the first couple of missions to avoid combat if you can, but the missions themselves don't really seem to give me any incentive, mechanically or in terms of story. The missions are just hunting for collectible objects, without much explanation other than "There is information here that we need." Also, since I'm fighting Malta, who are pretty much considered rogues by every Western nation, I don't really see how my actions could cause an international incident. The arc also bills itself as team oriented, and I can't really think of a way that a team of heroes would be well suited to espionage. At least, as well suited to espionage as a lone hero.
At the end of the third mission, the AV says, and has a note, that suggests that he was working with your contact. The comment and the note really aren't all that convincing. Anybody could say that someone was their partner and have a note with the person's signature forged. However, the contact doesn't make all that impassioned of a defense of himself, mainly just saying "You gotta believe me."
The next mission has you fight the real culprit, who escapes, but not before you can take a photo to prove your contact's innocence. Next mission, you team up with the contact and this time take him out for good. Unfortunately there's no explanation as to why he wasn't able to just escape again. The whole situation with the possible nuclear war has a rather anti-climactic ending, as well. It just kind of stops after you catch the leader of the North Korean intelligence group.
The text also needs a lot of work in the area of spelling and grammar.
Mechanics
The arc bills itself as a challenge for solo characters, more meant for teams. On this front, it pretty much delivers. The main enemies are Malta, which a lot of characters have trouble with, and his custom group. The custom group features minions who heal, and minions with Ninjitsu. Thankfully, Ninjitsu's no longer as freakin' ridiculous as it used to be, but they can still pack a punch. One of the lieutenants have both Illusion and Sonic Resonance. The Illusion powers are turned up high enough to have Spectral Terror, which is frankly just plain irritating. Fear is something most characters don't have protection against, and their fear power has a pretty big tohit debuff, which stacks with itself. The sonic powers are also turned up high, with them shielding pretty much everything in sight. Combined with the healing minions, this can make fights a big chore. The other lieutenant has aim, as does one of the bosses, so anyone with defense as their main protection (like myself) is going to find those enemies particularly annoying.
The final AV has Ice Control and Psychic Assault. In otherwords, prepare to be slowed to oblivion. My SR scrapper has slow resistance, and still had his recharge times at practically nothing during the fight thanks to the Ice Control powers.
I would have to say, lose the spectral terror, since it's not so much challenging as it is annoying as hell, especially on lieutenants. Get rid of the single target sonic shields. The bubble's good enough. Lose the aim, and do something about the high amount of slows from the Ice Control. It still should be a good challenge for a team, but not have anyone pulling their hair out over annoying debuffs.
Final Thoughts
The plot needs to sell itself more. I need to feel a greater urgency about the situation. The enemies need some work, and the spelling and grammar definitely need to be tuned up.
Hey thanks for review.You actually the first to give this arc arc a detail review so I'll take it with a grain of salt.
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First off, the contact says in the first couple of missions to avoid combat if you can, but the missions themselves don't really seem to give me any incentive, mechanically or in terms of story. The missions are just hunting for collectible objects, without much explanation other than "There is information here that we need." Also, since I'm fighting Malta, who are pretty much considered rogues by every Western nation, I don't really see how my actions could cause an international incident. The arc also bills itself as team oriented, and I can't really think of a way that a team of heroes would be well suited to espionage. At least, as well suited to espionage as a lone hero.
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Like the mission say, it is best played in team, but 2 of the mission are espionage. Now that someone brought it to my attention, it really doesn't make sense to have that in. Thanks for noticing that.
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At the end of the third mission, the AV says, and has a note, that suggests that he was working with your contact. The comment and the note really aren't all that convincing. Anybody could say that someone was their partner and have a note with the person's signature forged. However, the contact doesn't make all that impassioned of a defense of himself, mainly just saying "You gotta believe me."
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Ya that an issue I had from the beginning I tried working around. One of my friends told me that there is no "bond" or that connection to people who are playing the arc that don't know me to have any intensive to help me out. I've been tweaking with ideas, but none really seem to have that empathetic connection. If you can think of any I would appreciate it.
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The arc bills itself as a challenge for solo characters, more meant for teams. On this front, it pretty much delivers. The main enemies are Malta, which a lot of characters have trouble with, and his custom group. The custom group features minions who heal, and minions with Ninjitsu. Thankfully, Ninjitsu's no longer as freakin' ridiculous as it used to be, but they can still pack a punch. One of the lieutenants have both Illusion and Sonic Resonance. The Illusion powers are turned up high enough to have Spectral Terror, which is frankly just plain irritating. Fear is something most characters don't have protection against, and their fear power has a pretty big tohit debuff, which stacks with itself. The sonic powers are also turned up high, with them shielding pretty much everything in sight. Combined with the healing minions, this can make fights a big chore. The other lieutenant has aim, as does one of the bosses, so anyone with defense as their main protection (like myself) is going to find those enemies particularly annoying.
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Ya the groups were meant to be team oriented, honestly I not problem on a ice/rad/psi controller when running it solo. But I can see where you are coming from, epically with the spec terrors. The shields and heal shouldn't be a problem with teams, but when solo you need to juggle your targets so I can understand. I'll modify those toons to make it more solo friendly.
Again thanks for the review.
MA Arc:
Red Typhoon 4912
Akhdar Blood Arc: 247198
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
Arc ID: 114284
Author: @FredrikSvanberg
Rating: 3 stars
Quick Version
A serviceable plot with only a couple hangups in couple spots with difficulty and some mischaracterization.
Plot Synopsis
An average everyday bank robbery becomes something more when the stash of diamonds you're sent to steal isn't quite what was expected.
Story
The plot is alright (That's right, I said it again! And you can't stop me!), and makes sense for the most part. Outcasts going hero is a bit of a stretch, but not out of the realm of possibility. However, the Outcasts' dialogue never really seemed like Outcast dialogue to me. As in, it didn't seem like the kinds of things that a bunch of punk kids who think they're all haaaawd and gangsta because they can shoot a fireball would say. Seemed far too eloquent. Sure, some of the Outcasts may not act like they're all thug, but that's more likely to be the exception than the rule.
Desdemona seems like she's speaking as if English is her second language. My first thought was that English was the author's second language, but the rest of the dialogue seems to be in order, so I'm not sure. If it's on purpose, then it's out of character for Desdemona, whose dialogue is more reminiscent of a girl who's trying to be ghetto because it's the "in thing". Huh. Kind of like how I imagine the Outcasts.
I guess long story short, what I'm stabbing at is that the arc needs more faux thug life action in the characters' speech. The Circle of Thorns members all sound proper, however.
I did happen to spot a couple typos. In one of the clues for Mission 1, Ica should be Ice, and in one of the clues for mission 2, !ts should be its.
Mechanics
First thing I have to say is, I know I ran this on difficulty 2, but it seemed like most of the boss spawns were set on at least medium. For a 15-20 arc, easy seems the way to go in my book. Speaking of 15-20, a Shivan Decimator in the fourth mission? Woof. I only soloed it because I was still riding high off my level up buff, so I Assassin's struck it like a Mack truck, making him go down pretty quick. My main level 50 Scrapper, who is the person I usually bring along for these missions because he can take on anything that's not completely ridiculous (looking at you, build up) can hardly fight those things solo at level 25, let alone level 15 which is what I was running it at. Even with the allies you get, some solo villains are going to have a really rough time with that fight. If I were playing a level 15-20 Dominator I might have cried. I would use a Shivan Destroyer instead, or throw the Ideal for Teams tag on the arc.
The custom boss and EB weren't anything too hard. First one went down super fast to my assassin's fists of electric fury, and the second one only got me because he spawned next to a big group of minions. I came back and rocked his world in the end, however.
The third mission I did find a bit frustrating. The fact that it was an outdoor map didn't help. I really dislike outdoor maps, but that doesn't automatically affect my rating of a mission unless it gets egregious. However, the main problem was the fact that it was an outdoor map with an incredibly vague objective, simply "Find a clue". Thankfully, I was a stalker, so I could just slip by the huge battles that are spawning bosses and blindly search for the glowie/hostage/escort/defend object/destructible object/defeat all/boss... Oh wait, it's a boss, tucked in the corner. A Ruin Mage with a special name. Unfortunately, since the battles were spawning bosses, a Ruin Mage doesn't really stand out so much. I'd make the objective more informative. I mean, since you arrive to the scene of a fight between CoT and Outcasts, you could just say "Press the Circle Leader for information", and then the player would know he's looking for a named CoT boss. As it stands, the player doesn't know what to look for at all.
Final Thoughts
Not a bad run, but you should definitely bring a friend or two to deal with that Decimator in mission 4.
Thank you for your review.
I was indeed trying to make Desdemona sound like english was her second language. I guess I succeeded. Whether this is "proper characterization" or not is another matter. Her real in-game voice isn't heard enough to make much of an impression really.
Outcasts are a fun bunch. Sure, they are acting all hard and gangsta in Paragon City, but those are the ones who want to be hard and gangsta. These Outcasts are trying to get away from all that and prove to the world or at least themselves that they too can be heroes. They don't have to act tough anymore. You are the first to complain about their non-gangsta attitude though.
I will try to locate those typos and fix them.
As for the mechanics: I've played it and completed it with all kinds of characters. I think I even managed to pull it off as a level 8 blaster once, auto-skd up to 15 of course. I'm levelling up a new dominator and will give it a shot with that character too once I get closer to level 10 or so. At that level I play at difficulty setting 1 and I can't remember Jiggles giving me much problem. If I turned him into a regular shivan boss he wouldn't be a challenge at all to a team. Nowadays I suppose nothing short of an AV or entire maps filled with AVs is a challenge to MA teams, but I still live in the world of game balance and reasonable challenges so I don't care about that.
The third mission's objective is vague because I really want people to do some fighting and work for it. An outdoor map is tempting to just stealth through looking for whatever they have to kill or click. This is a relatively small map so it isn't really asking too much to let the players join a few battles and find the objective the fun way. I wouldn't do something like this and use the flooded Boomtown map, like the devs might have done back in the bad old days of mission design. I might have a way or two to make Teremex stand out more, and I'll consider using those.
Thanks again. One more question though: what could I do to bring this up to a 4 or 5 rating in your opinion?
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
Just as an FYI, I did play this arc with a Dominator when I reveiwed it. "Jiggles" was a handful especially with an empty Domination bar but I did have one of the Spectral Daemon Lords as an Ally. I took him down without a death.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
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Thanks again. One more question though: what could I do to bring this up to a 4 or 5 rating in your opinion?
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Making the third mission less vague would help. I understand wanting people to fight through to find the objective, but Teremex did not stand out one bit thanks to the bosses in the battles.
As far as the Decimator goes, I suppose the allies help more than I thought, but a Decimator at such low levels still seems like it's a bit overkill to me. This may be one of those situations where we're just going to have differing opinions. If you feel like it still needs to be a Decimator, then leave it like that. However, I'm still going to think it's a bad idea.
Getting to a 4 star isn't much of a big deal. Most missions I rate 3 stars were missions that would have been 4 stars except for a few problems I have. I find myself rarely giving out 5 stars, usually those are given out to arcs that make me laugh pretty hard, (by being intentionally funny, so bad it's funny is still bad) arcs that are really well written and use the MA system in interesting ways to portray the story, and arcs that utilize the capabilities of the MA in ways that are really clever and surprise me. Preferably a combination of some of those.
So the question of how to make an arc into a 5 star one? Unfortunately, most arcs that have already been written probably can't be bumped up to my definition of 5 stars from a 3 or 4. My 4 star seems to be most players' 5 star from my experience.
Wow. Somehow I just noticed Lionors' post for the first time. I'll respond to a few things that it said.
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However, if one didnt get to see the mission listing, there was no way to know it was intended to be humorous until the second meeting with the contact. To be in keeping with the rest of the arc, the contact needs to be as much of a parody as the villains. If he was, the whole thing would be hilarious.
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I've always felt Von Heksung's dialogue is the most likely to fall flat, mainly because the joke that he only lives to murder vampires is a bit subtle and requires a lot of build up. It's kind of a joke that creeps up as you realize how ridiculous it is. I also feel like I got funnier with writing his dialogue as time went on. In my personal opinion, he's far funnier in the sequel, and even funnier than that in the third part that rests on my hard drive. I need to wait to get my next paycheck until I can spend money on more slots though.
In any case, with I15 he has a description that explains that he REALLY loves to kill Drakule to the exclusion of just about everything else, and I was able to throw another Castlevania reference in there.
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One other note: Ashton refers to his opponents as dude and bro. While dude is arguably a unisex term, bro really isnt.
Im a female gamer and I play female characters, so it really throws me out of immersion when a game or mission refers to all characters as male. Try turning it around to where the game refers to your male character as girlfriend, or 'girl', and youll see what I mean!
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I thought about that when writing it, and have been told similar things by other people who ran through it. All in all, I've decided to leave it. Ashton's stone cold stupid, and probably doesn't even realize that bro is not a proper term for a woman. Personally, I think it's just another level of potential humor.
As an aside, one of the specific instances where someone pointed out things like that, is when one of my friends went through the sequel. His character was a female, and one of Ashton's lines in the sequel is "You're just jealous of all the chicks I'm going to score with this new body!" My response to him was "Ashton's experience with women consists of drunken sorority girls, so he assumes they all love to make out with each other."
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Too, undead and unholy arent the same thing. Ones not living and the others a matter of religious perspective. To be told to slay a bunch of undead or demonic things is one thing (theyre not alive, after all) but to be told to go slay a bunch of living people this person considers unholy is quite another, even in a humorous arc.
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Now that's something. I thought I had stated explicitly that they were in fact undead. I'll have to look through and see if that's something that needs to be fixed.
Heck, as much as I gas on, I'm impressed you read it!
Hope it was somewhat helpful. I really wanted to get back with ASAP, since you'd been nice enough to tender a review yourself, but ASAP + occasionally crying baby = not always my best work.
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Now that's something. I thought I had stated explicitly that they were in fact undead. I'll have to look through and see if that's something that needs to be fixed.
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I actually think you *may* later on down the road, or there's that inference, but IIRC, it wasn't in the initial screen, which may be the point where a dedicated heroic character makes a choice about whether or not to continue. I can make the other half re-run it with me and take a look if you need a double check.
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I thought about that when writing it, and have been told similar things by other people who ran through it. All in all, I've decided to leave it. Ashton's stone cold stupid, and probably doesn't even realize that bro is not a proper term for a woman. Personally, I think it's just another level of potential humor.
As an aside, one of the specific instances where someone pointed out things like that, is when one of my friends went through the sequel. His character was a female, and one of Ashton's lines in the sequel is "You're just jealous of all the chicks I'm going to score with this new body!" My response to him was "Ashton's experience with women consists of drunken sorority girls, so he assumes they all love to make out with each other."
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I actually think it's one of those things that will flick more on female gamers playing females than about anything else, which is why I brought it up -- didn't want you to be broadsided. A male playing a female character isn't going to really be affected similarly; after all, he *is* a 'bro'!
I *still* want to make the arc where the buff contact refers to all the players as 'girl', 'honey' and 'sweetheart', darn it.
I hate to admit it, but I ain't a console girl anymore, so I have no knowledge of Castlevania to put the humor in context. I *have* had more contact with the goth set than I think Dalghryn has, so I took it as a parody of that and enjoyed it for that reason.
And as for Ashton...I have no clue if this is intended, but I got the mental image of Ashton Kutcher as a vampire...which was a good giggle in and of itself. Made me think of whatever comic was griping about miscast parts and, in particular, the mere idea that Keanu Reeves could ever be considered as a Dracula. "So what would he say? [nasal clueless Bill & Ted Keanu voice] I am Keanuuuu Dracula!" [/end nasal clueless Bill & Ted Keanu voice]
Humor is a weird animal, though, and really, you just can't satisfy everyone. For example: A couple of years ago, one of the authors in my crit circle was writing for a line which folded. She had one more book on her contract, and it was suggested she write a romantic comedy, which she'd never done before.
So she tries. Keep in mind, she's sold several things and she's quite a good technical writer. However, nobody, but *nobody*, could give her consistent advice on how to make the humor element work.
As an experiment, we each wrote down four comedy movies which we felt to be surefire wins, and traded lists. Took us a couple of months, but everyone finally watched the movies.
The result? Of my movie list, one person liked all of my movies, two people thought I was even more twisted and geeky than they knew me to be, and the fourth flatly told me I'd wasted eight hours of her life. (But she said she still loved me. In a non-sexually-curious-drunken-sorority-girl way, of course.)
Some of humor is understanding the frame of reference, especially if it's parody or satire. (I'm on a kick about that today, for some reason...) Take Mystery Men, for example, which was the movie on my list that my fourth crit partner told me she loathed the absolute most.
I play a game about comic book heroes and I'm a comic book collector enabler, so I got most of the jokes. If I didn't get the jokes about the characters, my comic book collector was there to explain them to me. She, on the other hand, doesn't have that reference, so everything sailed right over her head and splatted on the wall. (So, I think, did the DVD; it had some suspicious dents on the case.)
So, if the humor elements aren't coming through, it may just be that people aren't familiar with what's being parodied, and there's not a thing you can do about that, unfortunately.
I am going to get him to run the sequels with me, though, and will give a yell if you're still looking for feedback.
~Elizabeth
P.S. Was an occasionally drunken sorority girl, but everyone I knew was into getting that MRS degree...
Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so! -Elastigirl
The SOLUS Foundation - http://www.solusfoundation.com
A Liberty-based bastion, seven years strong.
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Just as an FYI, I did play this arc with a Dominator when I reveiwed it. "Jiggles" was a handful especially with an empty Domination bar but I did have one of the Spectral Daemon Lords as an Ally. I took him down without a death.
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I played it as a level 7 dominator yesterday. I died once against Jiggles. If I had had domination up I probably wouldn't have died. The rest of the arc was no problem. The arc might be hard for certain ATs but it's not impossible.
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
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I actually think you *may* later on down the road, or there's that inference, but IIRC, it wasn't in the initial screen, which may be the point where a dedicated heroic character makes a choice about whether or not to continue. I can make the other half re-run it with me and take a look if you need a double check.
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I checked, you're right, the first reference that they are undead is in the enemy descriptions. I've changed up the dialogue and even ended up adding another joke in the process, when I noticed the absurdity of saying that nobody will mind if an undead creature ends up undead. I mean, what is the word for a dead... undead?
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And as for Ashton...I have no clue if this is intended, but I got the mental image of Ashton Kutcher as a vampire...which was a good giggle in and of itself.
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The Ashton Kutcher image is a happy accident. A little confession time. Ashton is a self-insert. Sort of. He's one of the Genin pets on my Ninjas Mastermind, Suburban Ninja. Suburban Ninja was made because of my opinion that the Genin look like kids who think it would be awesome to dress up in ninja costumes made from sweatshirts, but didn't own any black clothes. So I decided to actually make that character.
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Some of humor is understanding the frame of reference, especially if it's parody or satire. (I'm on a kick about that today, for some reason...) Take Mystery Men, for example, which was the movie on my list that my fourth crit partner told me she loathed the absolute most.
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I love Mystery Men. Yeah, it's stupid, but that's part of it's charm.
As for the parody in my arc, I tried to go for the shotgun effect. Parodying the stereotypical goths, vampire movies, video games, all that good stuff. Some of it's pretty obscure. Only one person has gotten the hemoblood reference so far. Then again, that's from a hoooooooorrible movie, so I'm not surprised.
Waddaya mean Ultraviolet was a "hoooooooorrible" movie. Also, it could be that others got the reference but didn't comment on it.
Whether or not that would be from the shame of admitting they watched the movie .....
EDIT: Actually, if you turn off the sound, it's not so bad.
If the game spit out 20 dollar bills people would complain that they weren't sequentially numbered. If they were sequentially numbered people would complain that they weren't random enough.
Black Pebble is my new hero.
But then you won't hear excellently written lines about how people are super pissed that hemoblood got on them, and how it's on because of it.
... HEMO MEANS BLOOD ARGH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
Whatever you do, please DON'T review my little ego-stroking arc. Or if you decide to review it, just don't post it publicly on the forums.
You've been exposed to me enough in the game that you "get" some of the jokes and stereotypes about my characters.
EDIT: I don't think I could take being put through the Crucible.
If the game spit out 20 dollar bills people would complain that they weren't sequentially numbered. If they were sequentially numbered people would complain that they weren't random enough.
Black Pebble is my new hero.
A Father's Iron Will
Arc ID: 198952
Author: @KemLi
Rating: 2 stars
Quick Version
A plot with some pretty big holes thanks to sparse explanation, the writing needs serious editing, and a couple unfortunate choices in mission design.
Plot Synopsis
The daughter of the leader of an Asian superhero team has been kidnapped, and it's up to you to save her.
Story
First off, I usually give grammar and spelling errors a pass. I've had them in my arcs, in fact, there probably are still some lurking there, waiting for someone to point them out to me. (No, alright doesn't count.)
However, when it starts to hurt the enjoyment of a story, I start to care. Waaaaay too many ellipses. (If you don't know what an ellipsis is, it looks like this: ...) Ellipses should be used very sparingly, only when the character in question pauses mid-sentence, or when you're trying to convey their sentence trailing off. Like, say, a giant robot unexpectedly bursts through a wall making a character is dumbstruck like a deer staring at oncoming headlights, and the only thing he can manage to say is "Holy..."
Nearly every NPC uses one or more ellipses where inappropriate. It kind of gives the impression that all of the characters in the story are high. I started to expect one of the patrol dialogues to go like this:
NPC 1: "Duuuuude... this is some primo stuff..."
NPC 2: "Hey man... hand me some of those cheetos..."
There are also numerous typos and small spelling errors and places where there's no space in between sentences, but the ellipses are the main thing that really need to be fixed with the grammar.
Ok, now that I've gotten that pet peeve out of my system, let's talk plot. We're gonna get kinda spoiler-y here. The first mission feels pretty justified. You're asked to investigate a lead given to you by the PPD to track down the kidnapped girl. However, as far as I can tell, no real evidence was gathered, besides knowing that the girl was kidnapped, which was already known, and that the girl was there but had been moved. To where, I don't know. But apparently a Rikti holo key might have that information? I'm not sure exactly what a holo key is, but presumably it's a key of some sort. I'm not exactly sure how PPD would decode a key and learn where the base is. They may be able to figure out how to deactivate the base's security, but what's the point of that? I have the key.
A side note about the key, there's no real justification given as to why the culprits, who are an Asian crime syndicate, would be holed up in a Rikti base.
There's a janitor at the office building that you're searching, and after you rescue him he says that he heard them talking about blood and power, and that he saw a dragon. The dragon happens to be the boss of the mission, but the blood and power bit doesn't really teach me much.
So to recap, our 3 bits of evidence are: A janitor's babbling about a half-heard conversation about blood and power, the kidnapped girl's pocket watch, and a Rikti key. Few of the clues in my clue window are very descriptive, either. However, the contact apparently is able to put together where the girl has been taken.
Also, she now deems it necessary to tell me about these enemies that I've been fighting. The group was created by the girl's father, an ex-hero who's turned villain, and the group has ties to Arachnos. The girl apparently has been kidnapped because her blood is special somehow, and they're going to do something and then bad things will happen. That's pretty much the extent of the explanation that we're given.
The second mission takes place on the Rikti portal map from the LGTF. Why, I couldn't say. The arc certainly doesn't. Inside are servers that need to be destroyed. Why? Because they're objectives. No explanation is given. The leader doesn't give any explanation of what his plan for his daughter is, or what's so special about her.
Then, my nav window tells me that I need to defeat the true leader. I'm scratching my head at this. The leader did make a reference to a "Master" in his idling dialogue, but didn't really elaborate. Well, whatever. He apparently can split himself, as I had to fight two at once, so maybe this is a copy or something and the real one's up ahead, Nemesis style.
Right style, wrong villain. Apparently Arachnos has been reading Nemesis' playbook, as I run into Black Scorpion out of nowhere, who apparently is the true leader of the Asian crime syndicate. And he wants the girl's blood, apparently. I guess her blood must be awesome. Can't wait to hear more about this blood, and why everyone wants it.
I never do. Not from the girl's mother, Shining Star, who is the aforementioned leader of the Asian superhero team, nor from the girl's captors. The girl, Cynthia, didn't even have a description either, the only custom NPC lacking one aside from the contact. The contact doesn't even tell me what is up with the blood when I complete the mission.
This all combines to make the plot confusing and underwhelming.
Mechanics
The mission is billed as designed for teams, but the tags say solo friendly. It really needs to say either Challenging or Ideal for Teams. I'd put it at challenging. The custom minions and LTs have a lot of build up going around. Thankfully build up only gets super ridiculous at boss level, and from what I could tell, nothing boss or higher had build up or aim.
The minions like to do a lot of bubbling and healing, and the empathy minions have regeneration aura. I cringe to imagine a big team with no debuffers. The elite boss in the first mission had one regeneration on him and I felt like I was trying to solo an AV until it wore off. Minions with regeneration aura, probably something that should be changed.
Speaking of that elite boss, power sink is probably one of the most dickish powers to give to a custom NPC. It's autohit, so essentially you've made a sapper that never misses.
The LTs didn't seem like such a big deal, even though they all seem to have build up. A bunch of them ganging up on you at once could easily overwhelm you. The only ones who really annoyed me were the invulnerability ones, who appeared to have everything except unstoppable. Very annoying to fight, especially for someone who uses S/L damage.
Amazingly, the "leader" was the least annoying custom enemy. He appeared to have robotics on standard, and had regen with none of the crazy powers. Fighting two of them at once wasn't hard in the slightest, and I can see a team easily taking on a huge group of them.
However, the regular custom enemies, I can see being rough on a team. All of the buffers are minions, besides the one who is a boss meaning a lot of them. There's going to be bubbles and RAs flying everywhere, in addition to the boss' defense aura and ice shield from cold domination.
And last but not least, the kidnapped girl is an escort. In the last room of the Rikti portal map. Dragging her back to the door was not fun. Since both Mechano Titan and Black Scorpion spawn before you run into her, there's no reason for her not to just be a captive.
Final Thoughts
Throughout the whole arc I felt like there was no rhyme or reason behind everything that happened. We never learn why the girl is so special, and Black Scorpion leading the custom group comes completely out of left field. Much more explanation is needed.
Arc Name: How NOT to Bind a Demon Using Magic & Machinery
Arc ID: 257266
Keywords: Custom Characters, Magic, Sci-Fi
Length: Very Long
Morality: Heroic
Enemy Groups Circle Of Thorns, Arachnos, 2 Custom AVs(2nd and 5th Missions)
Description: The Circle of Thorns attempt to summon a demon to aid them. Fairly routine thing for them... but something goes terribly wrong, and others attempt to capitalize on their mistake!!
Would love to get whatever feedback I can on it; Positive, Negative, or otherwise. ^_^
I've started a thread here for feedback on my story arcs. If you want to take me to task on my own writing (or less likely, lavish praise) then please go there, as I would like to keep this thread as clutter free as possible.
But then, you'll probably all do whatever the hell you want. Bunch of hooligans.
Give mine a go if you so wish 
Marked Man (3463) and/or The Perfect Drug (244209).
How To Survive a Robot Uprising
Arc ID: 12669
Author: @Wall of Knight
Rating: 3 stars
Quick Version
A good plot that may annoy some with it's "Mwahaha I will return!" ending. Some issues with difficulty.
Plot Synopsis
After the Council Rogue Robot incident, a new mechanical threat has arrived to destroy all the good and decent organic citizens of the world.
Story
There's a LOT of NPC chatter going on in missions. I had to go back to my NPC tab a lot just to keep up with the story. Not necessarily a huge problem, but it does tend to make things a bit confusing. For instance, if one of the Malta soldiers indeed did mention that Crimson was supposed to be in China during the third mission, I missed it entirely. Someone could easily miss the fact that the robots are planning to take over the Arbiter Drones in the second mission as well, until they read their clues and go "U-wha?"
Like I mentioned earlier, the ending could leave a need for closure. The souvenir does explain the plot if you haven't already figured it out, but I can see some getting upset that the main villain isn't defeated at the end. I guess that if you're one of those people, this is an arc to avoid.
Mechanics
The difficulty shoots up and down from mission to mission. The first mission is relatively easy, except for the presence of a Vanguard HVAS. Having fought these before, I knew what I was getting into. For those of you who haven't, the Vanguard HVAS' laser blast is a DoT that can easily one shot your average scrapper. I defeated it without incident using Elude and having the help of the elite boss ally that had kinetics. My experience however is probably going to be the exception rather than the rule.
Are you sure you didn't mean you'd advise against difficulty 2 or 4 in the third mission, and not the last? Because I have a secret, I ran it on 4 just to see what the warning was about. In the third mission, a lot of the groups are just straight out Zeus Titans. Not a Hercules in sight. Not even my level 50 scrapper could take on 4-5 of those at a time. Even Crimson was completely annihilated by them. I would either put Hercules Titans into the group, or if they're all Zeus titans because of space limitations, make it all LTs instead. Otherwise, the options for this mission are limited to stealthing it, getting a team, or playing it on heroic.
As for the last mission, I couldn't see any reason not to play it on difficulty 4. Sure the ambushes were big, but given the fact that the mission has 3 elite boss allies who all have some form of buildup, it was a complete cakewalk. Kind of boring for the climax of a story, really.
Final Thoughts
Making the NPC chat less confusing and/or adding a few more clues that offer some more description of things that you overhear the NPCs say would help people understand the story, and the difficulty needs some work in places where it's too hard and others where it's too easy. Otherwise, pretty solid arc.
Thanks for the run, LJ! Couple of quick things-
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For instance, if one of the Malta soldiers indeed did mention that Crimson was supposed to be in China during the third mission, I missed it entirely.
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Er- nope, that was just in the clue (it was in the laptop you raided).
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Someone could easily miss the fact that the robots are planning to take over the Arbiter Drones in the second mission as well, until they read their clues and go "U-wha?"
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Again, that was just in the clues (a couple of times)- the 'bots don't mention it.
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I defeated it without incident using Elude and having the help of the elite boss ally that had kinetics. My experience however is probably going to be the exception rather than the rule.
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I've squishy-tested the HVAS repeatedly on my Blaster- he goes down without much trouble as long as you maneuver the EB Ally into position so that he's taking the shots and not you- the HVAS even gets held every once in a while, given that the ally is a grav/kin.
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In the third mission, a lot of the groups are just straight out Zeus Titans. Not a Hercules in sight.
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I realize this may bug a lot of people, but I never really intended for the Zeuses (Zeusi?) to be fought- they're more an environmental hazard than an actual enemy, and a nifty lightshow to run in the background while you skip them. Again, this is something I've tested repeatedly- they can be easily avoided with nothing more than Fly, or even just Sprint (there's only one group that you have to get close enough to to cause aggro, and if you move quickly, they'll be occupied slaughtering the Malta).
As far as I've been able to test, there will almost never be a situation where you have to engage the Titans- you can just dodge them and do your thing without too much difficulty.
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As for the last mission, I couldn't see any reason not to play it on difficulty 4. Sure the ambushes were big, but given the fact that the mission has 3 elite boss allies who all have some form of buildup, it was a complete cakewalk. Kind of boring for the climax of a story, really.
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Hrm... I'm having a really hard time balancing that last mission. The three allies are actually just bosses, not EBs, although they do all have Build Up or some variant thereof... and more often than not, you don't get two of them until you've already cleared most of the mission. I've had wildly varying reports of the difficulty, and my own testing showed similar- if you have too many of those custom 'bots, most builds will get stomped into mush by the Endurance drain and nonstop high-mag KB.
Guess it's time to go back in and fiddle with that one a bit more- I just didn't want to fall into the 'last mission time for generic boss fight X' trap (especially since, at this point, the mastermind behind all this doesn't even have a body :/).
Ah, well. Thanks again for the runthrough and the review (and, little secret- assuming I ever find the time, I'm planning on doing a sequel to this arc).
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
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he three allies are actually just bosses, not EBs, although they do all have Build Up or some variant thereof...
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My bad. I did mean to say they were bosses with build up and high damaging attacks. 3 bosses is a lot of help to start with, but the fact that they are so powerful makes it worse. Just toning down their power level would do a lot to make it not such a cakewalk. The easiness of the last mission is also magnified by the fact that many of the earlier missions do send you into some pretty extreme situations, making the last mission seem anti-climactic in comparison.
The Day I Tried To Live
Arc ID: 214195
Author: @Mr. Crowley
Rating: 1 star
Quick Version
The novelty of the unconventional storytelling is unfortunately overshadowed by incredible angst and outright plagiarism.
Plot Synopsis
Relive the memories of a man's tale of loss and revenge.
Story
Wow. The angst is laid on incredibly heavy from the moment you read the description, and becomes heavier when you read the opening text for the first mission. It continues on in this fashion.
The first mission involves the contact (who you are reliving the memories of) finding his girlfriend's dead body in a Crey lab. Upon finding it, he kills everyone in the Crey lab, where experiments are being done to turn people into Rikti. Through this process, the contact believes that he has killed God.
After this, I'm sure that every mission onwards is a complete fabrication in the contact's mind. He believes that he is losing his humanity, and in order to regain it he must fly to a Rikti Ship orbiting Jupiter and destroy it. Upon doing so, he heads back to Earth to destroy it and remake it in his image. He rampages through Atlas Park, only to have his wings ripped off by Manticore. Afterwards, he decides to kill the inhuman Machine inside of him, which I'm pretty sure is a metaphor for his suicide.
However, it's not the plot that made this 1 star. It's not the lines dripping with so much angst they become Bathos that made it 1 star. No. It's the plagiarism.
In the missions, you will find captives that look like the contact, who are supposed to represent the voices in his head. Nearly every one of the lines they say are lyrics from Nine Inch Nails songs. One of them is named The Great Destroyer, which is the title of a Nine Inch Nails song, and I'm pretty sure that The Machine is a reference to Pretty Hate Machine, the name of NiN's first album.
Inspiration and allusion are one thing. For instance, all of the mission titles are the titles of Nine Inch Nails songs. That's not a problem. I've done that before. I make literary references and allegories in all of my arcs. However, this is too much.
I have one good thing to say about the story. Placing the player in the place of the contact, reliving his memories, is something I haven't seen in any other AE mission that I've played. However, the novelty wore off fast.
Mechanics
There are relatively few custom enemies in the arc. You'll mainly be facing Crey and Rikti. The fourth mission utilizes a custom group made up of Longbow, PPD, and custom enemies. The only one of the custom enemies that were annoying was the one with radiation emission, as it had radiation infection. The final boss in the last mission went down without much incident at all.
The third mission, wow. Huge. Also didn't really fit the description of the mission. It uses a map that's a lab that transfers into caves and then a Rikti base. It's a pretty weird spaceship that has a cave in it. It's also so big as to be completely tedious.
Final Thoughts
The plagiarism has got to go. Using NiN as inspiration and making allegories in the mission titles is one thing, but going so far as to name your NPCs after NiN songs and having them say lyrics is no good.
Qr - I'm an English teacher too, and 'alright' is alright by me.
Eco
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)