Current Queue (posted for my own benefit):
81141: The Island of Misfit Heroes (left feedback)
84420: Death to Disco!
32158: Letterman and the Debbies. the bank heist
17523: A little RnR
39392: Intellectual Property Theft
This is a one off I did in beta.
"Architect Entertainment O-o-o-o-o-n-n.....line...."
ID:2902
Been looking for a shortie review thread. I'll take a look at the OPs and others soon as I like short mission arcs quite a bit.
-Galth
Matchstick Women
Mission 1
My biggest problem here is that you have Council inside an Arachnos base. Is there a reason to use Council over Arachnos here? Outside that the emotes and objects were inventive, I liked that.
Mission 2
Briefing: "enticing you to watch he fingers of fire split the off into different shapes, women." Lot of grammar problems in this line.
Debriefing: "and it like a second mask". Also, over use of compound sentences. Break them up as it becomes difficult to read.
Good use of the emotes again. Not my favorite map to be hunting on, too many nooks and crannies.
Mission 3
Briefing: Over use of commas.
Surprise! EB! Maybe an AV at a higher diff and/or more people. Always list that there is an EB/AV in the description. She wasn't a huge problem for me, but people like to know.
Other notes:
I've seen plenty of magical transport contacts at this point and they usually bug me. This one didn't bug me AS MUCH, but the problem generally relates to how and why? How am I being transported and why me? Your arc at least gave me something I could partially explain at the end, but others may still be bothered by it.
Also, your mystery is almost all answered in the last mission, the first 2 have very little insight into what's going on. You might trickle in some more info in the first 2 missions. Clues also tend to get lost in missions, and anyone not the leader will be pretty clueless the whole time. More information delivered through dialog and entry and exit popups helps keep players informed.
-Galth
I've got a three mission arc, broad strokes is Malta's up to no good and you have to stop them. There's a custom EB in the third mission, not a "challenge" EB but still respectable. I also included an ally optional rescue in the EB mission to hep with the boss.
Arc number's 100483, title is "a precious gift..."
I'll try matchstick women after work tomorrow.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is a natural manure. -Thomas Jefferson
Read the Patriot newsletter. It's right, it's free.
Letterman and the Debbies...
I did this one because unlike most of the others that have been posted it was actually short. One mission.
Entry popup: "Is a bank/ Rob it! Duh." punctuation and grammar problems.
Exit popup: "Congrads!..." Is this spelling on purpose?
Debbie Prime dialog: "I broke...A NAIL!..." the pause between "broke" and "a nail" seems unusual, implying that she wasn't sure what she broke, an arm, a chair, no a nail. Also, I've found that you don't need dialog at every 1/4 health for bosses; it's even a bit much on EBs as the dialog tends to scroll right through and you miss most of it. Besides which, you reused a line with Debbie Prime anyway, "I'm so going to tell...". For bosses, I'd generally go with 3 lines of dialog total, but it's up to you.
No info for your custom characters. It's something I always read, so I'm a little disappointed when I don't see it; even though it's only one mission. I know many people never read em.
Ambush at the end is a little tacked on, but I see those all the time and is somewhat appropriate for a bank job.
In general, I liked most of the dialog, and the mission itself. Nothing I've listed is terribly hard to fix, so good job.
-Galth (Might do some more 1 missions tomorrow)
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ArcID: 81141
Title: The Island of Misfit Heroes
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I didn't get very far into this one. Playing as my 39 Fire/Fire Brute I was just getting hammered constantly, with the Ninjitsu and the Broadsword just taking me out within a few seconds. I saved Cpl. Arizona but he didn't help much at first, but he did end up helping a little bit. After 5-6 deaths I gave up. I will try again with my 50 SR scrapper before totally calling it quits.
On another note, critter design is alright. Nothing outstanding, but nothing bad.
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This is a one off I did in beta.
"Architect Entertainment O-o-o-o-o-n-n.....line...."
ID:2902
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This was a fun little mission. Played again as my 39 Fire/Fire Brute (random side note, if you see fire/fire as my character, it's Burnt Matchstick. The character design that inspired the arc). I like the concept and I thought it was pretty well fleshed out - for a simple one-off mission. The character designs were interesting (Can't place my finger on it, but compared to the last arc's critters, I liked these costume designs much better. Both are plainclothes type critters, but there's just something extra in Galth's designs that made them pop more) My biggest complaint is Aeon was a pain in the butt, which I would fall on every single attack. That is when I wasn't in a detention field. I was actually glad that he ran at 1/4 health which made me fail the mission. Again, will try with my SR scrapper just for kicks.
I'd like to submit 103594 - A Close Encounter which is an all level friendly, one mission "sneak and peek" to find 3 objects with an optional hostage situation.
Comments on Matchstick Women - I liked the design of the custom baddies and loved the use of the hostage effect, it made them stand out nicely. I was surprised at one point when the hostage I'd rescued walked by me later and started a fight. On the downside however, I'm not a fan of the "purple prose" that was used in the contact dialogue. That and the repetitive nature combined with a number of spelling mistakes had me gritting my teeth by the end.
But from a pure playability standpoint I very much enjoyed the arc.
submitted for your consideration...
Arc Name: Madness And The Minotaur
Arc ID: 90124
Faction: neutral
Difficulty Level: 35+
Synopsis: This is a short, 2 story arc set in Greek mythology (using a custom enemy group). Defeat the Minotaur and his minions in order to save the beautiful damsel from being sacrificed and stop history from being rewritten.
Feedback welcomed and appreciated in order to create an enjoyable story.
Matchstick Women -- I thought this was a well written story arc. The custom enemy group was well thought out including the bios, with a nice combination of powers that fit their design. The map choices were also well used and suited the overall story (the map used for the second mission may cause anyone playing on dial up to lag until a few groups of mobs have been eliminated).
I would (and have) recommend this story to other players to try.
Reviewing (I hope Bubba doesn't mind sharing)
ID:39392
Intellectual Property Theft: Save the Secrets of the Architect System
This was well done all the way around, I really enjoyed it and plan to do it with some alts as well (since I missed the info on the first hostage). Definitely my favorite one-off mission so far. With all the ratings already on it I figured it would be pretty tightened up by now, and it was. However, I did find a few things that could be improved.
The worst thing I found was the grammar for Chris "Back Alley Brawler" Bruce. Several sentences need to be looked at here and fixed.
Exit popup: "You've saved the day! You see it all in the hero business." The second sentence reads a little awkward to me for some reason. It's a flow problem but not a big deal.
Lastly, no clues. Generally, this is not a big deal, and it's not a big one here either. You certainly don't need it for the hostages or the boss, but you could use one for the item clicky. Like I said not a big deal, ignore this suggestion at your leisure.
-Galth
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ArcID: 81141
Title: The Island of Misfit Heroes
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I didn't get very far into this one. Playing as my 39 Fire/Fire Brute I was just getting hammered constantly, with the Ninjitsu and the Broadsword just taking me out within a few seconds. I saved Cpl. Arizona but he didn't help much at first, but he did end up helping a little bit. After 5-6 deaths I gave up. I will try again with my 50 SR scrapper before totally calling it quits.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for trying and please note I have re-published the arc and it is now #104496. I had suspected that the hard setting may have been too much for overall enjoyment of the arc but wanted to hear a little more feedback on it. They've all been edited down to standard , which I think might make the arc more accessible to more toons and lower levels. In this vein, I also knocked the ninja archer down to AR/dev because, well, she really was just brutal. I'd love to hear how your fire/fire fares under the new settings.
Chill.
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50's: Jennifer Halloween, DM/DA Scrapper; Black Peet, 50 DM/WP Brute; Siansha, Soldier; Miss Terie, Elec/Dark Corrupter
Short but busy. As you can no doubt tell by the name, it's NOT a serious arc. There's some goof-off-ery afoot.
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Arc Name: Attack of the Cliches
Arc ID: 99836
Faction: Heroic
Length: Short
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Leatherneck CoV
Difficulty Level: Moderate to High
Synopsis: Crey is once again blamed for an interdimensional horror: The Attack of the Cliches.
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Reviewing (I hope Bubba doesn't mind sharing)
ID:39392
Intellectual Property Theft: Save the Secrets of the Architect System
This was well done all the way around, I really enjoyed it and plan to do it with some alts as well (since I missed the info on the first hostage). Definitely my favorite one-off mission so far. With all the ratings already on it I figured it would be pretty tightened up by now, and it was. However, I did find a few things that could be improved.
The worst thing I found was the grammar for Chris "Back Alley Brawler" Bruce. Several sentences need to be looked at here and fixed.
Exit popup: "You've saved the day! You see it all in the hero business." The second sentence reads a little awkward to me for some reason. It's a flow problem but not a big deal.
Lastly, no clues. Generally, this is not a big deal, and it's not a big one here either. You certainly don't need it for the hostages or the boss, but you could use one for the item clicky. Like I said not a big deal, ignore this suggestion at your leisure.
-Galth
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for the review. I'll take a look at that particular dialog this evening. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Thanks for the review. I'll take a look at that particular dialog this evening. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
[/ QUOTE ]Oops. Sorry, I meant to say his info not his dialog.
-Galth
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Reviewing (I hope Bubba doesn't mind sharing)
-Galth
[/ QUOTE ]
Don't mind at all, gives people a chance to get their reviews sooner, and to get more than one perspective if/when I also review them.
Current Queue:
84420: Death to Disco!
90124: Madness And The Minotaur (bumped for interest and feedback)
103594 - A Close Encounter ("all level friendly", bumped for feedback)
32158: Letterman and the Debbies. the bank heist
17523: A little RnR
39392: Intellectual Property Theft
100483: "a precious gift..."
99836: Attack of the Cliches
81141: The Island of Misfit Heroes (updated)
Comments on Matchstick Women:
Although told differently, the arc was able to bring a sense of mystery about it. The missions are somewhat described to the player, or more like describing what he/she is seeing. It was a pleasant change, but sometimes there was a sense of confusion as to why my hero would be investigating a flame on a pedestal at first.
I liked the custom mobs, they were quite appropriate, from the black colored heads to the long striped pattern used to illustrate that they were indeed symbolizing a matchstick.
One downside (or upside, depending on how one sees it), is that the final explanation as to what or who exactly the story was about is explained fully either through a clue or in the final Boss's description. Although I liked the idea, others who tend to rarely read character descriptions or missed the clue may not understand who the person was or what the whole arc was about. The flame itself as the contact was never truly explained as well.
There were a few simple typos that I found, which should be easily corrected:
In the Mission 2 briefing: "The flame once again begins its dance, enticing you to watch he fingers of fire split the off into different shapes, women."
In the description of Perfect Match Recruiter: "Tempered with flame until becoming almost impervious to fire, these women are crowned as leaders of their indivitual units.
In the Mission 2 debriefing: "This time you were able to see one of the women's faces under her mask, and it like a second mask..."
Overall, I enjoyed the arc, with its different approach to mission story-telling. You actually felt like, you were the one doing the investigation, which I think is what the author is trying to do. There was a moment in the final mission, I think when I read her journal, that gave me a creepy feeling, like I was reading something out of a scary movie. Good job on that one. It's a nice arc to dive into. I gave it 4 stars. 
Here's one of my arcs, submitted for your (or anyone's, actually) review:
The Missing
ArcID: 37636
Level Range: 1-50
No. of Mission: 3
Difficulty: Medium
Synopsis: What starts out as a missing person case turns into something more sinister.
Notes: Story-focused. Mystery. Solo-friendly, with only one EB. An ally is also provided.
Ok, another re-edit for Matchstick women. I added a second boss that should give more dialog info for teammates. I cleaned up the typos (forgot to pay more attention to AE interface from my last edit as it does weird things with text when I'm not looking). I also added clues, bio, and AV tags in the description so players know to look for them if they want. And I added a little twist to the end that I personally think works well and ties things together better. Let me know what you think.
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Please review:
Name: Death to Disco!
Arc ID: 84420
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Medium
Synopsis: It's 2009; Dr. Disco Fever has somehow altered the timeline so that Disco never died. The Star Spangled Banner is played to a Disco beat! Sporting events start with people standing up and "getting down" for our national anthem. Restore the timeline or be stuck Boogie Oggie-ing forever!
Number of EB/AVS 0
Story Type - Humor
Mission Count: 2
Estimated Time to Play: about 30 minutes
[/ QUOTE ]
Whew! Finally got around to this one. One of the unfortunate side effects of having a Queue that shifts based on feedback and occasional personal preference. Anyway.
I thought it was really funny. Enjoyed all the writing and disco references in the second mission. The Rock 'n Roll patrols were a nice touch, though you could possibly cut one or two out. I liked the crey in the first mission. Though at first I thought that they were chosen because they have a secret service vibe to them, but then I realized that doesn't exactly make sense. But that doesn't really affect the arc at all anyway. I liked the use of color, effective and not overdone. The custom mobs in the second mission were pretty well put together, the only minor sticking point was there was a point where I was getting a lot of stacked slows from entangling arrows and ice blasts, but nothing frustratingly difficult. Overall I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Arc Name: Gnomish Madness
Arc ID: 30204
Faction: heroic
Difficulty Level: Easy
Synopsis: Single silly mission. You are asked by a longbow officer to investigate the latest doing of a nefarious robitics-focused mad scientist, who has recently been purchasing large numbers of oversized garden gnomes.
Length: 15-30 minutes, at the most.
Contains one EB/Boss
I'll see about reviewing the OP's arc as well.
As for mine, I've had a number of comments wanting a sequel. And while my villain does indeed lend himself to more stories, and I do have an idea for another set of silly robots for him, I'm lacking a good, different main joke for a sequel. I've done just sending the player after him with his army of silly robots. I don't want to just swap out one group of silly robots for another. So until I get an idea for a new core joke for a sequel, I'm kinda stuck.
MA Arc - Gnomish Madness - #30204 - A short, silly little story.
Ms. Tempest - Lvl 50 Storm/Elec Def (577 badges)
Maiden Dark - Lvl 50 Dark/Dark Corr
Moonlight Maiden - Lvl 50 Warshade
Sister Leortha - Lvl 50 Emp/Rad Def
Puffball - Lvl 50 Inv/SS Tank
Triumph Server
A Close Encounter has a new Arc ID number - 107888
Dissecting the OP's arc.
First Mission:
Text after accepting the mission: The first sentence should IMHO be two, splitting at the comma after "shape".
Burning Arachnos map is actually a Council base? Might want at least a simple explanation somewhere of why one faction is using another's base.
I like the council guy standing around with the fire equipment. 
Nice set-up mission, with interesting mystery to the custom enemies.
Second mission
Clue from rebellious PM is missing a title.
Nice building of the myster of these women.
After mission check-in text. 2nd paragraph gets a little unclear with the pronouns. You have two females, Emily and the turncoat, and the "she" towards the end is a little unclear as to which it applies. I think it's supposed to refer to Emily, but it's not perfectly clear.
Third mission ties it all up nicely. The book at the end was a nice touch.
Overall I liked it quite a bit.
MA Arc - Gnomish Madness - #30204 - A short, silly little story.
Ms. Tempest - Lvl 50 Storm/Elec Def (577 badges)
Maiden Dark - Lvl 50 Dark/Dark Corr
Moonlight Maiden - Lvl 50 Warshade
Sister Leortha - Lvl 50 Emp/Rad Def
Puffball - Lvl 50 Inv/SS Tank
Triumph Server
Review
Attack of the Cliches
ID:99836
briefing: None. Most of what you have in the send off dialog could go here.
send off dialog: "labratoray"; too many commas. "Now, back to our scheduled programming.", usually it's "...our regularly scheduled program."
"Arachno-Bow Commande"
debriefing: The dialog here is inconsistent with the send off dialog in voice and manner.
Most of your clues are very dry here; they don't help you tell the story as much as they describe what you see. The custom characters are very hit and miss for me here. Some I liked (e.g. Arachno-Bow), and some seemed drab (e.g. Peace Tyrants). Only the main bosses had info on them. The patrol dialogs were annoying but probably intentionally so. However, if the custom characters are supposed to drive the humor then you need more than a costume and a name. Some info and dialog could make it work better. Otherwise, I only get a sense of what you're going for, and it just wasn't doing it for me.
-Galth
Review
A Close Encounter
ID:107888
Some fairly basic problems here. Some clues have no title. The mission seems to be "taking pictures" and returning. Of the clues, I have a body bag which is lighter than normal (for some reason I don't look inside), a metal barrel that seems to not like me, and pictures of a control panel. When all is done, there is no explanation of all this stuff. Also, the most interesting part of the mission is optional and could easily be missed, rescuing an alien. Of course, after rescuing the alien I get no extra information that lets me know what's going on. The custom group is a fairly generic military-style group.
It almost seems like I stumbled into the 2nd mission of a 3-4 mission arc
-Galth
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Please review:
Name: Death to Disco!
Arc ID: 84420
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Medium
Synopsis: It's 2009; Dr. Disco Fever has somehow altered the timeline so that Disco never died. The Star Spangled Banner is played to a Disco beat! Sporting events start with people standing up and "getting down" for our national anthem. Restore the timeline or be stuck Boogie Oggie-ing forever!
Number of EB/AVS 0
Story Type - Humor
Mission Count: 2
Estimated Time to Play: about 30 minutes
[/ QUOTE ]
Whew! Finally got around to this one. One of the unfortunate side effects of having a Queue that shifts based on feedback and occasional personal preference. Anyway.
I thought it was really funny. Enjoyed all the writing and disco references in the second mission. The Rock 'n Roll patrols were a nice touch, though you could possibly cut one or two out. I liked the crey in the first mission. Though at first I thought that they were chosen because they have a secret service vibe to them, but then I realized that doesn't exactly make sense. But that doesn't really affect the arc at all anyway. I liked the use of color, effective and not overdone. The custom mobs in the second mission were pretty well put together, the only minor sticking point was there was a point where I was getting a lot of stacked slows from entangling arrows and ice blasts, but nothing frustratingly difficult. Overall I enjoyed it quite a bit.
[/ QUOTE ]
Bubba,
Thanks a lot for playing and reviewing. I am glad you enjoyed it!
WN
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
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Burning Arachnos map is actually a Council base? Might want at least a simple explanation somewhere of why one faction is using another's base.
[/ QUOTE ]
Is this really a big problem? I do mention it in the intro text briefly, but I just prefer Council as an enemy group and I would use "council base - on fire" if it was available. But there's only 4 indoor on fire maps that I know of (hellions, skulls, arachnos base, arachnos warehouse).
Bubba, I just finished up Matchstick Women and rated it a four. I especially liked the characters and your design. Regarding the story, I like the concept and appreciate the attempt to set a mood; you succeed, to a degree. In the effort to set a mood, however, your language bogs down the narrative. It read to me like you were making extra effort at writing in a gothic and/or epic prose. I think you could have accomplished the desired affect using simpler language.
If you'd like to take a shot at mine, it's:
ArcID: 81141
Title: The Island of Misfit Heroes
Chill.
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50's: Jennifer Halloween, DM/DA Scrapper; Black Peet, 50 DM/WP Brute; Siansha, Soldier; Miss Terie, Elec/Dark Corrupter