Galth

I bought the Science pack when it came out mainly so I could have characters with multiple body types. Just tried to change body types today and couldn't get access to the type tab.

If auras do not count as costume pieces take them out of the costume tab in the market and list what is actually included in the pack before the purchase. It's a bug pure and simple.

This review is a few days late, and I appologise as I see you've already made some changes and some of this will probably not apply anymore.

Ran this with part of my gaming group. Should've run it with more people and different toons as it definitely qualifies as a killer arc. Lord Recluse and the patrons are all in the last mission which should be listed in the description. They are very tough AVs that you need high level toons for. Our group was half 30s, a 20 something, and a 48ish. So, we ended up having to quit during the last mission. (From your post apparently this has changed)

The overall arc had the problem of having the first 4 missions being 29-35 and the last mission for 44-50 which until recently meant a group of 45+ toons (which is what you should have for this series) would get no xp for the first 4 missions, or you have our group who couldn't complete the last mission. This is a fairly serious flaw mechanically.

Custom Characters:
The Virtea, a mostly shark themed group. Interesting combo of powers, but I'm not sure of the term virtea, also one of the info mentioned something like dushelegos (misspelled). I'm not aware of that term either. They had their own version of the Sapper which can turn some people off. The costumes were pretty good. The expansion of the Coralax was interesting, but you didn't follow their naming convention. I would personally think that the EBs would be called turquoise; that's just a personal preference though.

Story:
Captain Mako is your contact. In some of the dialog he seemed a little too nuanced and introspective which is not how he generally speaks. Most of the time he sounded fine. The story deals with the Virtea who have been around for 1000s of years and are the slaves of the Coralax. It kind of begs the question of why haven't we seen them before which might not be a big deal to some.
After the 2nd mission I am supposed to feel really really lucky for some reason, but it's not clear why from the clues or dialog up to that point. We learn that they've been looking for some type of messiah to free them like a shark Moses. I come to find out that I'm supposed to be that messiah which I guess is why I feel really really lucky. We free the sharkmen and they're so happy that they'll do anything I ask; this is the real point at which I would feel really lucky and this knowledge should probably be moved up to make the motivation clearer. I'm a villain and freeing people even shark people seems altruistic unless there's a great benefit to me.
Anyway, I decide that I want to rule the Rogue Isles, and how to accomplish that, by destroying the Rogue Isles. umm.... uh.... what? This is where the story kinda goes off the rails for me. I was pretty much fine with writing off the changed canon as alternate universe sort of stuff, but this is a little different. I've heard of taking over the world, destroying the world, and taking over the world by threatening to destroy the world, but destroy the world and then take it over? Basically, this is the villain version of "you can't have your cake and eat it too." This is a big plot problem for me.

Obviously, I never finished the arc so maybe there was some big reveal at the end (it was all a dream/illusion/etc), but hopefully this is still helpful to you.

-Galth

I create custom missions for a group and this one went over well. It's based on a villain group with a horsemen of the apocalypse theme. This arc specifically deals with the pestilence side of the group.

It was desgined with group play in mind. Half of the group was mid 30s, the rest 40+. The AV is tough. Feedback appreciated.

The id is 340559

-Device

Review
ID:118752
Bob's Crazy Car Dealership

Very nice concept for a mission. Finally, one of those "crazy" used car salesmen finally snaps and takes hostages. The execution was done well with just a few problems.

Intro dialog: "Whatever has happened to Bob seems to have affected all of his employees also." Nothing grammatically wrong, but it sounds awkward to me.

Debriefing: "He mind seems to have just..." and "The rest of his employees are starting to recovery now they are away from Bob's influence."

Other notes: Bob could definitely look crazier, most of the other employees already have the used car salesmen look. He would probably look better as the crazy TV pitchman. Also, the hostages had funky colored hair which seemed out of place compared to the buttoned up salesmen.

If anything, this concept could be played up even more for laughs. Other than that, nice job.

-Galth

Review
ID 29900
Trouble at ParaCon

This was an enjoyable mission. A pretty straight forward rescue the hostages type mission with the twist being that they're super hero convention goers. The dialog was good as was the info on the hostages, nice touch.

The difficulty was a bit easy for me though as the Freaks can scale up to 50, but are pretty easy to take down at 50. Also, the allies make it pretty much a walk, since eventhough, they're optional, the indoor office map pretty much guarantees that you'll end up rescuing them.

Story-wise, the Freaks could use some reason to be there other than general mayhem. Otherwise, fun.

-Galth (where are the other onesies?)

[ QUOTE ]

2 out of 5 stars

Ran this with my 32 Ninja Blade/Energy Aura stalker.

Retired Arbiter Kirby has gotten word that a "Dr. Wasp" has invented a cube that creates inventions without salvage. This is a bit of an odd quasi-OOC thing, because I'm not really sure how you can talk about "invention enhancement" in character.

[/ QUOTE ]I never talk about invention enhancements. I talk about a cube. It's too bad you're not a comic book buff as it seems you missed the entirety of the parody. Not your fault, of course, just unfortunate.

[ QUOTE ]
Once again, you have Longbow, the most boring group in the entire game. She's a Energy Blast/SR EB. She runs at 25% health, and since she's SR she's nearly impossible to catch, so she got away.

[/ QUOTE ]Not sure what other group I could have used in their place, the hero side is a little limited for heroic groups, and story-wise I didn't want to use the custom group for all the missions. As far as failing the mission, I haven't had much complaints on that end. Obviously, in a group I don't think she ever gets away, but solo stalkers I can see having a problem.

[ QUOTE ]
Apparently, the group are researchers for the military, which constitutes an invasion in Lord Recluse's eyes. They've apparently all gathered in a warehouse and you are sent in to take them out. All 5 EBs. This isn't challenging, because none of them are particularly strong. It's just tedious.

[/ QUOTE ]I've found difficulty to be one of the most subjective things in the game. I've had a few who couldn't get past the first mission and others who don't have a problem. I'm just sorry that the story wasn't compelling for you.

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, you get a good job from the Arbiter and that's that.

This arc doesn't have much story to it. In the first three missions, you're trying to get this magical cube. In the second two, you're just fighting the EBs for the hell of it. In fact, the entire arc seems to be "Fight EBs for the hell of it." I can't say they're author inserts, because they use powerset mixes you can't actually create, so it seems unlikely. In the end, it's just a bunch of fights against EBs with no personality and for no good reason.

[/ QUOTE ]Ouch! No story and no personality. I guess those hours of tweaking dialogue and making sure each EB had their own voice failed me miserably. Maybe the clues and souvenir weren't as fleshed out as I'd hoped. As this is all subjective, I can't really take much issue with anything except for calling it a "magical cube"; they're scientists, so no magic.

[ QUOTE ]
It also suffers extensively from run on sentences in the contact dialogue.

[/ QUOTE ]I wished you had provided an example as I try to keep the grammar as clean as possible; especially since my proof-reader friend apparently missed them.

Thanks for the review though. If you get a chance maybe you can look at ID:2902 (Architect Entertainment O-o-o-o-n-n...Line...). It's only one mission, and no run ons promise.

-Galth

Review

Gnomish Madness
ID: 30204

This was a pretty fun little mission. I liked the character designs, although I'm not sure about using Talasorian weapons for the robots, but that's me. I might've made one of the robots more robot-looking, a sorta unfinished look, again me.

A little overboard on the warning to squishies by having it in both the briefing and a separate clue, one place should be enough (probably the briefing).
The Assassin Gnome, despite his info, didn't seem stealthy. I undestand not giving him ninjitsu, but you probably want to update his info.
Doctor Dinglebelly - Stop Doctor Denglebelly - Defeat Deinglebelly. Pick a spelling and stick with it .

-Galth

[ QUOTE ]
Is this really a big problem? I do mention it in the intro text briefly, but I just prefer Council as an enemy group and I would use "council base - on fire" if it was available. But there's only 4 indoor on fire maps that I know of (hellions, skulls, arachnos base, arachnos warehouse).

[/ QUOTE ]
I don't consider it major problem, but it's certainly noticeable.

It's the first mission and not much is understood going in, so it adds a dream-like quality to the mission and arc as a whole. From a player's perspective, they've talked to a magical flame, been magically transported to the base, and seen members of one group try and put out the fires in another group's base. It gives it a surreal quality which is not a bad thing especially if you're going for that atmosphere. Otherwise, the only reason to have the Council in there is your preference to the group.

Just my thoughts on it.

-Galth

Review

A Close Encounter
ID:107888

Some fairly basic problems here. Some clues have no title. The mission seems to be "taking pictures" and returning. Of the clues, I have a body bag which is lighter than normal (for some reason I don't look inside), a metal barrel that seems to not like me, and pictures of a control panel. When all is done, there is no explanation of all this stuff. Also, the most interesting part of the mission is optional and could easily be missed, rescuing an alien. Of course, after rescuing the alien I get no extra information that lets me know what's going on. The custom group is a fairly generic military-style group.

It almost seems like I stumbled into the 2nd mission of a 3-4 mission arc

-Galth

Review

Attack of the Cliches
ID:99836

briefing: None. Most of what you have in the send off dialog could go here.
send off dialog: "labratoray"; too many commas. "Now, back to our scheduled programming.", usually it's "...our regularly scheduled program."
"Arachno-Bow Commande"
debriefing: The dialog here is inconsistent with the send off dialog in voice and manner.

Most of your clues are very dry here; they don't help you tell the story as much as they describe what you see. The custom characters are very hit and miss for me here. Some I liked (e.g. Arachno-Bow), and some seemed drab (e.g. Peace Tyrants). Only the main bosses had info on them. The patrol dialogs were annoying but probably intentionally so. However, if the custom characters are supposed to drive the humor then you need more than a costume and a name. Some info and dialog could make it work better. Otherwise, I only get a sense of what you're going for, and it just wasn't doing it for me.

-Galth

[ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the review. I'll take a look at that particular dialog this evening. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[/ QUOTE ]Oops. Sorry, I meant to say his info not his dialog.

-Galth

Reviewing (I hope Bubba doesn't mind sharing)
ID:39392
Intellectual Property Theft: Save the Secrets of the Architect System

This was well done all the way around, I really enjoyed it and plan to do it with some alts as well (since I missed the info on the first hostage). Definitely my favorite one-off mission so far. With all the ratings already on it I figured it would be pretty tightened up by now, and it was. However, I did find a few things that could be improved.

The worst thing I found was the grammar for Chris "Back Alley Brawler" Bruce. Several sentences need to be looked at here and fixed.

Exit popup: "You've saved the day! You see it all in the hero business." The second sentence reads a little awkward to me for some reason. It's a flow problem but not a big deal.

Lastly, no clues. Generally, this is not a big deal, and it's not a big one here either. You certainly don't need it for the hostages or the boss, but you could use one for the item clicky. Like I said not a big deal, ignore this suggestion at your leisure.

-Galth

Letterman and the Debbies...

I did this one because unlike most of the others that have been posted it was actually short. One mission.

Entry popup: "Is a bank/ Rob it! Duh." punctuation and grammar problems.
Exit popup: "Congrads!..." Is this spelling on purpose?

Debbie Prime dialog: "I broke...A NAIL!..." the pause between "broke" and "a nail" seems unusual, implying that she wasn't sure what she broke, an arm, a chair, no a nail. Also, I've found that you don't need dialog at every 1/4 health for bosses; it's even a bit much on EBs as the dialog tends to scroll right through and you miss most of it. Besides which, you reused a line with Debbie Prime anyway, "I'm so going to tell...". For bosses, I'd generally go with 3 lines of dialog total, but it's up to you.

No info for your custom characters. It's something I always read, so I'm a little disappointed when I don't see it; even though it's only one mission. I know many people never read em.

Ambush at the end is a little tacked on, but I see those all the time and is somewhat appropriate for a bank job.

In general, I liked most of the dialog, and the mission itself. Nothing I've listed is terribly hard to fix, so good job.

-Galth (Might do some more 1 missions tomorrow)

Matchstick Women

Mission 1
My biggest problem here is that you have Council inside an Arachnos base. Is there a reason to use Council over Arachnos here? Outside that the emotes and objects were inventive, I liked that.

Mission 2
Briefing: "enticing you to watch he fingers of fire split the off into different shapes, women." Lot of grammar problems in this line.
Debriefing: "and it like a second mask". Also, over use of compound sentences. Break them up as it becomes difficult to read.
Good use of the emotes again. Not my favorite map to be hunting on, too many nooks and crannies.

Mission 3
Briefing: Over use of commas.
Surprise! EB! Maybe an AV at a higher diff and/or more people. Always list that there is an EB/AV in the description. She wasn't a huge problem for me, but people like to know.

Other notes:
I've seen plenty of magical transport contacts at this point and they usually bug me. This one didn't bug me AS MUCH, but the problem generally relates to how and why? How am I being transported and why me? Your arc at least gave me something I could partially explain at the end, but others may still be bothered by it.
Also, your mystery is almost all answered in the last mission, the first 2 have very little insight into what's going on. You might trickle in some more info in the first 2 missions. Clues also tend to get lost in missions, and anyone not the leader will be pretty clueless the whole time. More information delivered through dialog and entry and exit popups helps keep players informed.

-Galth

This is a one off I did in beta.
"Architect Entertainment O-o-o-o-o-n-n.....line...."
ID:2902

Been looking for a shortie review thread. I'll take a look at the OPs and others soon as I like short mission arcs quite a bit.

-Galth

Arc Name: Super Science Invasion
ID:9691
Global:@Device
Range: 30s-40s (plenty of EBs, not really meant for solo, but many have)

Negative comments appreciated

-Galth

[ QUOTE ]

please try out my missions and give me some feedback. my welcome to dohnut world arc is the one that i am serious about. i have gotten some complaints that some of the minions are too hard ahnd i have tried to adjust, but i think people are not really trying hard enough. they are generally set on standard, even the LT's that everyone hates are set on standard... it is a bood story and some are there to create tension and make you paranoid. i will not nerf some, but i am willing to listen to feedback. i know it stillneeds some detail and i will work on it soon. whatever you can give me will ge greatly appreciated. thank you.

[/ QUOTE ]

welcome to donut world
Arc ID: 1233

Mission 1
I'm somewhat of a completist when I go through stuff, so some things bother me that others will never see. Like info on custom characters, Dime Bag had info but none of the others did.
The dialog when you rescue Dime Bag scrolls very quickly. Sometimes that is the nature of it, but sometimes you can get control. It's worth looking into.
Also, the dialog, clue and debriefing sort of repeat each other. You could definitely clip it down.

Mission 2
"muchless" is two words. Entry popup in mission doesn't really sync up to what Ms. Liberty actually said.
Also, since Dime Bag doesn't say what is being looked for, it's strange that we know what it is when we find it. You could probably just say you're looking for something that resembles a marble.
Debriefing, You need to explain why Dime bag doesn't trust us, and there could be any number of reasons, but it would help the character and narative if you gave a reason.

Mission 3
The voice through Ms. Liberty is a nice touch, don't know if you need all caps there.
His "meticulous hand writing" seems like a call back but don't remember it being referenced before.
Debriefing, "They are pulling all the stops and who knows what they will do to stop him...", too many "stop"s.

Mission 4
"SHE IS TO APPROACH AND ENGAGED...", fix this grammar.
The twist with Dime Bag is a bit daring, might put some people off but I think it works.

Mission 5
As I mentioned, the defeat all aspect doesn't really fit with the fact that defeating the AV should shut down the rest of the bad guys.
Debriefing, the donut world revelation seemed nonsequitur to the rest of the arc, except that the name is in the title. If it played into the story more it would make more sense.

Overall: It needs to be tightened up. The villains are difficult, but I didn't have too hard a time of it. Of course, I'm 50 playing heroic so I might have an edge over the more casual player. The look was ok; since you're going for normally dressed women it works well, but it does look rather plain. Perhaps the EB or bosses could look more part-robot part-human, just something to consider.

I hope this was helpful.

Now, if anyone would like to try my arc and comment on it, I would greatly appreciate it.
Super Science Invasion
Arc ID:9691
Missions:5
Description:Legendary arbiter Stanley Kirby has come out of retirement for one last assingment.
Info: Plenty of EBs in this one, I wouldn't solo unless you're ready for that kind of fight.

-Galth

[ QUOTE ]
Dual Blades - Can't see them in action. From the poses, looks like the swords are a bit long (but I guess we are in a Final Fantasy world). Some of the positions look a bit combat awkward. I hope at least some of the "moves" involve keeping the target at range with one blade while delivering a blow with the other - ie. preferably one with a acc-debuff and def-debuff (unless there is some other way to portray the ability to lock-up/parry opponents weapon with one blade while openning them up with a shot with the other). Thought it is not always the case, curved blades tend to be more for mounted warriors. Strait blades for people on foot. Think about the motion of the blade when you impale someone while riding and you'll see why I'm saying that. I do understand that curved blades look cool and you want to give them a different look from the other bladed weapons. I was expecting more short swords (or sai), a parrying blade and rapier, or batons/fighting sticks. Criticism aside. I'm looking forward to seeing the power-set in motion.
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Willl power - I can't get the site to come up. I'm pretty security concious, so it may have been blocked due to some spurious cookie or another that may cause other users security issues. Just a heads up. Of course, maybe other people are getting to the link a different way other than clicking on it and maybe the link itself is bad. I don't know which. I can't get IE to bring it up at any rate.

[/ QUOTE ]
Actually, curved blades are generally associated with ship battles where quarters are often too close for stabbing motions and fighting generally lends itself to chopping and slashing. Of course, the more famous curved blades are scimitars which is of Middle Eastern origin.

However, the pictures are closer to the curved blades more traditionally used on ships and not the giant headed scimitars of the Middle East. Dual blades in the hands of a Pirate are a fairly accurate representation, but then again realism is not something a super hero game neccessarily needs to lend itself to.

D