Hey Arc_Salvo, ever read "The Comedy Bible" by Judy Carter? Excellent analytical tool about comedy writing that you might enjoy reading. I did, and I'm not the slightest bit funny. 
Anyway, you're correct that in a professional setting Mighty Storm's guide could use a polishing re-write, tightening up a few spots. But in this venue it works great. Overall I found the piece to be quite amusing, with some wonderfully-worded lines. Seems more reminiscent of Douglas Adams than Kaufman or Monty Python IMHO.
I only wish the url was short enough I could more easily recommend it in-game. Good job Mighty Storm.
RU c0m3d1aN??
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I just hope that someone actually follows this guide, just to be very evil.
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This actually explains quite a lot about a recent mission or two and the H34lar thereon.
He read your guide.
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Hey Arc_Salvo, ever read "The Comedy Bible" by Judy Carter? Excellent analytical tool about comedy writing that you might enjoy reading. I did, and I'm not the slightest bit funny.
Anyway, you're correct that in a professional setting Mighty Storm's guide could use a polishing re-write, tightening up a few spots. But in this venue it works great. Overall I found the piece to be quite amusing, with some wonderfully-worded lines. Seems more reminiscent of Douglas Adams than Kaufman or Monty Python IMHO.
I only wish the url was short enough I could more easily recommend it in-game. Good job Mighty Storm.
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I agree that in retrospect, it is suitable for this venue. People here aren't professionals, and they don't usually have time to tighten things up even if they're inclined to do so. Busy lives and such. As it is, sometimes I find myself spending a little (okay, a -lot-) more time than I originally intended polishing what was supposed to be an "improv" humorous post off the top of my head, and so know how long writing posts like this "guide" can drag on if you don't pull yourself away. Even still, I get the feeling that Mighty Storm will revise this again, and publish a newer, improved version.
Unless he doesn't feel like it.
And thanks for the heads-up, I think I might just read that book, and then ignore all the advice and continue to not be funny, as I am not right now.
Anyway, I hope M.S. adds a note about how the true purpose of teh h34lar is to flip out and kill people, because dead enemies can't hurt your team, and also because it's sooo awesome to flip out and chop off heads all the time and not even think twice about it. And the best h33l0rs are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. Just like all good Tankers, Defenders, and Controllers according to my many unfunny, incoherent posts on the subject.
Yep, everyone's supposed to flip out, and kill entire towns because some guy dropped a spoon, and uppercut people just because they open windows... except Blasters and Tankers, who are instead supposed to meditate all day to pursue the path of inner peace and possibly enlightenment... then take the medicine pool and use it on all the Defenders, Controller, and Tankers who are flipping out and killing people.
Because that's REAL ULTIMATE POWER !!!!
Arc Salvo: Okay hold one sec guys, we can't just rush in blindly vs these Nemesis, they've got these ranged aoe's tha-
Teammate1(charging in): Shut up, Arc Salvo, you lame*$% Viewtiful Joe wannabe! What do you know?!
Teammate2(also charging): yeah, ST#& arc salvo u PWR RANGR U!
Arc Salvo: *sigh*
fun. I'd like to see a new one too.
FAQ: Retribution: A guide for D3's, Storms and Kinetics on how to be a dick about being 'kicked from team' for 35 levels.
roflmao
That was great!
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Hey Arc_Salvo, ever read "The Comedy Bible" by Judy Carter? Excellent analytical tool about comedy writing that you might enjoy reading. I did, and I'm not the slightest bit funny.
Anyway, you're correct that in a professional setting Mighty Storm's guide could use a polishing re-write, tightening up a few spots. But in this venue it works great. Overall I found the piece to be quite amusing, with some wonderfully-worded lines. Seems more reminiscent of Douglas Adams than Kaufman or Monty Python IMHO.
I only wish the url was short enough I could more easily recommend it in-game. Good job Mighty Storm.
[/ QUOTE ]
I agree that in retrospect, it is suitable for this venue. People here aren't professionals, and they don't usually have time to tighten things up even if they're inclined to do so. Busy lives and such. As it is, sometimes I find myself spending a little (okay, a -lot-) more time than I originally intended polishing what was supposed to be an "improv" humorous post off the top of my head, and so know how long writing posts like this "guide" can drag on if you don't pull yourself away. Even still, I get the feeling that Mighty Storm will revise this again, and publish a newer, improved version.
Unless he doesn't feel like it.
And thanks for the heads-up, I think I might just read that book, and then ignore all the advice and continue to not be funny, as I am not right now.
Anyway, I hope M.S. adds a note about how the true purpose of teh h34lar is to flip out and kill people, because dead enemies can't hurt your team, and also because it's sooo awesome to flip out and chop off heads all the time and not even think twice about it. And the best h33l0rs are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. Just like all good Tankers, Defenders, and Controllers according to my many unfunny, incoherent posts on the subject.
Yep, everyone's supposed to flip out, and kill entire towns because some guy dropped a spoon, and uppercut people just because they open windows... except Blasters and Tankers, who are instead supposed to meditate all day to pursue the path of inner peace and possibly enlightenment... then take the medicine pool and use it on all the Defenders, Controller, and Tankers who are flipping out and killing people.
Because that's REAL ULTIMATE POWER !!!!
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I saw this ninja totally uppercut some kid for opening a window.
Someone dropped a spoon, and the ninja killed the whole town.
Then, the ninja committed frisbee seppuku. That's when he gets really pissed and flips out, but he has no one else to kill. So he kills himself by swallowing a frisbee.
Your guide is amazing. I read it again and again. I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. It was better than Cats.
<the above is all said in monotone>
--The Canuck
ok, that was a good laugh......I'll be thinking about this all day.
Interestingly, the 2 authors which sprung to my mind reading this were Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. It does come across as very British humour.
Hak Inc�
"Justice by the sword since 2005"
"......anyone who read the description of a blaster and actually rolled one up isn't capable of understanding... how to breath without visual aids and an iron lung." - TheMightyScourge
�Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.�
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Yep, everyone's supposed to flip out, and kill entire towns because some guy dropped a spoon, and uppercut people just because they open windows... except Blasters and Tankers, who are instead supposed to meditate all day to pursue the path of inner peace and possibly enlightenment... then take the medicine pool and use it on all the Defenders, Controller, and Tankers who are flipping out and killing people.
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...You were in S.A.B.O.T.A.G.E.?!
Dawncaller - The Circle of Dawn
Too many blasted alts to list, but all on Virtue.
This guide made me a better person, which I had previously assumed impossible. Please keep up the good work.
Just read it again. It's still funny. I think this needs to go to the top of the guides area so people can read it and maybe have a happier minute in all the irritation that the recent changes to CoH have brought about.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.) - Whitman
Consistency is the defense of a small mind. - Beldin
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Anyhow, the idea by itself is classic.
Party Leader: r U h33l0r?
Lord Stormhawk(me): No.. I'm Storm/, I'm a buffer/deb-
<kick>
Lord Stormhawk: $#@$$!!!!
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LOL!! I can't tell you the number of times I've seen people kicked for not being h34lers.
Seriously, this guide.. the OP.. changed my whole outlook. 
Maybe I should respec... Muahaha!
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Chapter 4: Describing your role to teammembers
Don't bother, anyone who read the description of a blaster and actually rolled one up isn't capable of understanding your role, let alone how to breath without visual aids and an iron
lung.
AND
Finally other powers, such as fallout, fallout, or fallout leverage a dead teammate as a weapon, and can be far more effective than allowing that teammate to live. In fact, most teammembers will see that they are worth more dead than alive, and request that you stop healing them; alleviating your burden and increasing the team's defender and controller survivability overall.
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My favorite chapter is 4 and the fallout comment still has me laughing
This is so funny; this guide is off the chain!
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Finally other powers, such as fallout, fallout, or fallout leverage a dead teammate as a weapon, and can be far more effective than allowing that teammate to live. In fact, most teammembers will see that they are worth more dead than alive, and request that you stop healing them; alleviating your burden and increasing the team's defender and controller survivability overall.
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roflmao!
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This should be in the manual.
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LOL....definately
I have never laughed as hard while in these forums as I did while reading this post. Kudos!!!
Just read this today, and couldn't stop laughing. My coworkers started looking at me strangely, perhaps they think I finally lost it...
This is the best guide EVER. I may be inspired to write a guide entitled "Your Role as the PL Herder" or something to that effect, since I get asked everyday to do this sort of thing when playing my tank... I must unkowingly be an expert in the field, so I should write a guide as such.
If we still had stars, you'd be getting some. As it is, this post gets a 5 
ROFLMAO!!!
Brillant work!!!
I played a Empath to level 50 and then made another Defender... Dark Miasmama.... and I gotta say I never noticed the "Healer" thing till I made my dark miasmama... I have been kicked so many damn times from a team cause I wasn't a "healer." If only those people knew... When I was on teams they never needed healing anyway cause of all my debuffs. Those idiots out there that "Need a Healer" are such moronic jerks, they really do deserve to have their toons die Die DIE!!!
*breaths in, breaths out, counts to 10*
.
I'm respecing tonight
I'm going to go all Attacks, Heal Aura (For myself), Phase Shift, and Teleport, so I can TP away in case something hits me. I bruise easily 
Very entertaining posts, and I have to say I have enjoyed a lot of the signatures and locations too
Awesome read
I liked the: "This punishment is often received during brilliant and unconventional tactical maneuvers such as the 'lol you don't need end' frontal assault, or the 'lolz, look a glowy' feint which results in pulling 3 spawns at once. Of course, there's the ever popular 'musste Herdz!' t-shirt wearing tanker corps."
Not quite sure what the musste Herdz shirt thing is (Must hurt?) (yeah call me a newb if you want :P)
I created an Empath called Dr. Ironic.
As an Emapth, Dr. Ironic got many house calls, "healer?"
"Empath," was his answer. And the invite came lickety split.
Unfortunately, those other moronic ATs somehow found fault with Dr. Ironic.
"Where are the heals??!" they would scream.
"The only heal I have is Aura and that was forced on me, so I didn't slot it."
"BUT YOU'RE AN EMPATH!"
"That's way I'm called 'Dr. Ironic'" I'd reply.
Dr. Ironic has been kicked from team.
Speeding Through New DA Repeatables || Spreadsheet o' Enhancements || Zombie Skins: better skins for these forums || Guide to Guides
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Dr. Ironic has been kicked from team.
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Oh, it serves them right for not asking what field your doctorate was in.
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Not quite sure what the musste Herdz shirt thing is (Must hurt?) (yeah call me a newb if you want :P)
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NEWB!
Sorry...just kidding.
It means "must herd," referring to that pathological need by some tanks to try and herd up everything on the mission map into one room to take them out en masse. It's especially amusing to see this behavior these days, now that they've changed the game to make it all but impossible.
Keeping in mind, of course, that all truly foolhardy behavior is really only amusing to watch when viewing it from a respectful distance.
Story Arcs:
"The Joy of States-mas", #533168
"A Mosaic of Shattered Dreams", #497506 (2011 Players Choice winner!)
"Television Presents: Attack of the Toons!", #373710
"Lightning in a Bottle", #376222
Fantastic guide! I find your ideas intriguing, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.