The Dev-Vinci Code

Conspiracy theories abound... here's a few of mine regarding the Developers and those who coded the game...

* There is code in the game that has a 90% probability that the attack directly following popping a yellow inspiration will automatically miss.

* Through sensors installed in my keyboard the game can measure the chemicals of my fingertips to determine my impatience level. The higher my impatience level the less likely Wentworths/Blackmarket will immediately accept my bid for a needed salvage item. Indeed, even if there are 1843 available and I am the only bidder... it will not accept my initial bid or any other until I am in the five or six digit range.

* When I am running one of my solo characters the game will manufacture team invites at random intervals. When I am playing one of my team-requiring characters it will blank my team search window and add my character's name to everyone's global ignore list.

* If I am in a long story arc which has only one defeat-all mission, the coding will generate a cumulative random chance equal to the percentage of enemies I have eliminated to have Mapserver issues and eject me from the game.

* The Forum Servers communicate directly with the Game Servers. When I enter a "looking for team" text in the chat window the Game Server will consult with the Forum Server to find every player who, either in PMs or in a thread, has stated that they hate my sense of humor. These people will be the only ones who receive my team request in-game.

* The CoHUpdater accesses my spreadsheets. When the Updater determines my current tournament is picking up speed and proceeding well, it sends a notification to the Devs. The Devs, in turn, choose that time to release the next awesome Issue which requires me to start over again.

* While I am writing this text and my attention is focused on the words in the text window, both Sister Psyche and Ghost Widow are looking at me. When I jerk my eyes up to return their gaze, they have already looked away.

* Nemesis has taken over my local post office. It's the only logical explanation.

* If I decide to use my AE tickets to get a piece of common salvage that I need desperately but is in too short a supply at WW/BM, the chance of me getting it with the tickets I have available is roughly equivalent to leaving a Las Vegas casino with more money than I entered it.

* If I go to a contact wanting a specific badge-mission, temp power mission or the first mission of a good story arc, I can be sure that the contact will make up missions on the spot or have me get their dry cleaning before I'll get the one I want.

* If I have just left a city zone and travelled across town to my contact I am guaranteed to be sent directly back to the zone I just left. I can also be certain that when I return from this cross-town mission the contact will finally give me their cell phone number.

* If I complain enough and am vocal about my suspicions, I will be determined to be paranoid and a possible threat to society. People will immediately discount my theories and scoff at them. These same people will wonder why they always seem to miss their first attack after popping a yellow inspiration.

I knew it!

* Enemy NPCs utilize a perverted form of scourge that dictates that the lower my health is, the higher their chance is of pulling a critical hit out of their butt and astounding me as I remember that some NPCs can, in fact, crit.

* Zones have the ability to tell when I'm in my "just one more mission" phase and will cause my contacts to assign me a street sweep mission. Said zone will then will play host to a Rikti invasion, a Zombie apocolypse, a deadly apocolypse (rather than a non-lethal apocolypse) and then a Rikti Zombie apocolypse.

* The greater my need for a particular TF's badge, the less people will be eager to run that TF. (MultipleGirl excluded, glorious person who has delivered me from this phenomenon. <3)

* The greater the number of SteelClaw lists on the forums at a given time, the higher the chance that I will dangle him by a pair of chains over a giant bonfire or tie him to a weighted dolly and throw him in a fountain.

* Accepting a timed mission has a 1 in 5 chance of spawning a surprise server maintenance.

* The code used to determine which inspirations drop will first check to find out which type I least need, and only drop that. In the event that I'm defeated and waiting for a third respite to drop so I can create a wakie, it will proceed to give me medium reds, small break frees and unique inspirations that look like wakies, but do nothing when used except cause the word "LOSER" to appear over my head.

*Keyboard sensors constantly monitor Spouse Aggro levels at the player's residence. As they rise, so does the incidence of "defeat all" missions. As they rise higher, so does the probability of a "cake room" cave for such missions. As the levels begin to redline, the likelihood that the last spawn on the map will be inside a wall goes to 100%.

*As a player's health declines, the random multiplier increases for a "turbo-boost" to enemy attacks. This boost will allow an enemy attack to suddenly move at light speed and thus arrive before the player can finish clicking on a Health inspiration.

*The previously noted "turbo-boost" will also kick in to prevent a player's attack from finishing off a foe before they can land the fatal attack on the player. Keyboard sensors measure the player's blood pressure and the devs earn Frequent Flier Miles for any increase caused by the player reading (before they can even hit the ground), "You cannot use that attack once you have been defeated."

*Use of a Health or Defense inspiration by a Blaster, Controller or other squishy AT results in an immediate 1000% increase of their aggro level, along with the words "SHOOT ME NOW, SHOOT ME NOW" appearing above their heads in 100 point type.

I miss when we could tag these as Steelclaw lists and have a single link to go to to see them all.

You know you already have the FASERIP thread still going don't you Steel? Attention issues?

*drops ball of shiny silver tinsel into thread to see what Steel does next*

//Jack

* Keyboard sensors detect when you are thoroughly enjoying the team you just joined. Nemesis is then dispatched to generate RL or SG aggro in your teammates, causing an immediate disbanding of the entire team.

* The one KB power that cannot possibly hit that purple boss 4 levels above you will hit him at just the right angle to knock him into the geometry so that you cannot attack him, but he can hit you with ranged powers.

* The above will happen in direct defiance of the "I just popped a yellow accuracy, and am guaranteed to miss" rule.