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The third mission, while it does state before the mission that it is a timed mission, it didn't register with me when I first read through the intro text. I suppose this is my fault due to the way I read, but I would suggest making the warning a different color than the rest of the text so people who read fast or people who just skim will see it for sure.
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Ooh, yeah... good idea. I'll figure out how to do that tonight. 
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Select the text then right-click on it, I think. That should give you a list of ways to format the selected text.
-D
Darkonne: Pinnacle's (unofficially) mighty Dark Miasma/Radiation Blast enthusiast!
Be sure to check out this mighty Arc:
#161865 - Aeon's Nemesis
Thanks Venture for putting so much work into this arc review thread, and everyone else who is contributing to reviews. You folks inspire everyone to write better arcs.
I'd like 2 add my first two stories for review.
Kidnapping an Idol - 136188 (neutral)
Shota Takenoko is Johnny Rocket Entertainments next super idol. Only problem is that before he could sign the contract with them he got kidnapped by a rival of Johnny's called "The Agency". Johnny is not the type of businessman to put up with that kind of stuff. He asks that you help rescue Shota and send a message to The Agency so they know not to mess with Rocket Entertainment. The mobs are all custom and divided among, The Agency idol's and managers, and the Lucky Dragon chinese restaurant. I spent alot of time on their costumes and tried to mimic what I saw when I did some reporting in the Japanese idol industry. The arc is meant to be fun and light-hearted. With all the custom mobs I ran out of my 100k. It is story based and I hope coherently presented. This arc can be done in an hour, even with one of the 4 missions being a timed 1hr mish.
+++++++++++++++
Santa's Workshop of Misfit Toys. - heroic(134140) - a christmas holiday 1 warehouse arc that contains an elite boss at the end. I tried to come up with some nice fun mobs to fight that made sense in the story. I may develop it into a longer arc, but right now it's just a short help santa cleanup his warehouse that got hit with some bad hex mojo. I'd like to add some funny Supernatural tv show element to it as well.
Arc Reviewed: [color= yellow]Freaks and Geeks[/color], by @El Condor, ID# [color= orange]55715[/color]
Played on my level 50 Kat/Regen Scrapper
My Rating: 4 Stars
Well written throughout, some funny dialogue that fit the characters well. Good map choices as well, thematic and well varied.
Everybody loves Freaks, the good-time kill-em twice mobs are great for leveling, Crey tanks make a strong showing in this arc as well and as usual, the custom mobs are tough, including minions with confuse powers, which could be problematic. Good thing my Scrapper packs a pair of Break Frees in case of emergency.
First mission is a basic run through the office to sewers map looking for hostage students. The varied terrain is a nice as a opener.
Second mission is in a creepy makeshift office/hospital, fitting the story rather well, another rescue mission. The mobs overall are a bit harder than the first mission, Crey tanks and custom mobs. The boss is a pretty tough tanker type, he gave my hero a fair bit of trouble. His dialogue is great. I have to hand out some points for not making every rescue in this arc an escort, it's nice when they say "Thanks!" and get their own butt out. 
Third mission is back in an office setting, against the Freaks. You find the doctor you escorted in mission 2 inside, Leeroy Jenkins style already in trouble. Once you save the Dr. again you see she has become a formidable fighter in her own right, as a result of what her captors did to her. She is aggro and will start most of the fights herself. At some point a large ambush ran in and killed her tho. Luckily I had Instant Healing up and managed to take them all out. There are a couple machines to destroy, maybe that's what the trigger was. Once all the other objectives have been cleared the boss spawns, which in my case meant I ran around a bit looking for him. He is a freaking tough EB! I laid into him for about a full minute without making a dent before I unloaded about half a (level 50) tray of 2nd tier inspirations on him and finally worked him down.
Overall I enjoyed this arc, the dialogue is good, maps are good. The enemies are well designed, but like many custom mobs, can be a bit too powerful at times.
I'd like to throw my review to the sharks, if anyone is able to review it, I would greatly appreciate it.
Arc Name: Heaven's Not Enough
Arc ID: 15381
Arc Length: Expect an hour or so
Notes: It'd be a wee bit of a challenge to a squishy. It has a fear using critter, so don't be surprised.
Thanks, BC, for the review of "Freaks and Geeks"! You mentioned so many things that I spent time working on - I appreciate you commenting on them.
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Well written throughout, some funny dialogue that fit the characters well. Good map choices as well, thematic and well varied.
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In a nutshell, this is what I was going for. The story and how the player is immersed in it is the most important thing to me.
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I have to hand out some points for not making every rescue in this arc an escort, it's nice when they say "Thanks!" and get their own butt out.
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ROFL! Extra "busy-ness" is always something that I find a drag and a spell-breaker. Getting to the main objective fluidly was a key to this mish.
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She is aggro and will start most of the fights herself. At some point a large ambush ran in and killed her tho.
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The AI thing is problematic. MA offers "Aggressive" and "Fight Defensive" as your choices for a fighting ally. The ally in this mish has always been set on the latter, and yet has always had "happy feet" and started many of the battles for me; I'd hate to see what "Aggressive" looks like! :P
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Overall I enjoyed this arc, the dialogue is good, maps are good. The enemies are well designed, but like many custom mobs, can be a bit too powerful at times.
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Again, you obviously put real effort into attending to my arc - I appreciate that! I'm satisfied and proud of the writing and overall storytelling. I've gone back and forth with the difficulty of the custom mobs and EBs, and probably will again. I know that balance point between fun challenge and "impossible - I quit!!" is a tough one to get right, and varies based upon the likes of the player(s). Your comments are exceptionally helpful, though, and will make a difference - muchas gracias, BC! 
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I would like to submit my newly created arc for review. At this time no one has reviewed it, just published it yesterday, so any feedback is appreciated and welcome.
Arc Name: A Grave Undertaking
Arc ID: 120646
Author: @Micro-Burst
Number of Missions: 4
Level Range: 1-54
Morality: Heroic
Description: Caroline Chan is an aspiring reporter investigating a the disappearance of corpses from Paragon City cemeteries.
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Fixed my Arc ID
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Arc #70210: Is it Live or is it Memory-X?
Rating: 3 stars
The short of it: Decent plot with a few issues, annoying custom enemies, problems with mission design
Plot Overview
The 5th Column are robbing a bank, and Citadel has asked you to stop them. You arrive on the scene and dispatch the soldiers, who are being led by a Wolfpack Mk II robot. One of the guards drops an encrypted 10 GB flash drive. (Yes, it's that specific) Citadel is unable to fully decrypt it, but from what he was able to extract from it, he is able to discern that the 5th Column are attempting to build a new highly advanced AI system called Memory-X, and the flash drive contains the schematics for it. Your next goal is to go to a Crey computer research lab, where an experimental AI is being developed. The 5th Column are going to strike there next, and it is your mission to destroy the AI before they can steal it, and obtain a copy of some decryption firmware that is being developed at the lab. After fighting through both Crey and 5th Column forces, you manage to find the firmware and destroy the mainframe. Upon decrypting the flash drive fully, Citadel discovers that apparently the 5th Column has already built Memory-X but lost it, and is now trying to build another one to find and correct the problems with the first one.
With scans made by Positron, Citadel is able to direct you towards an abandoned lab which may contain clues to Memory-X. When you arrive, you find that the lab is not abandoned, and in fact is crawling with 5th Column forces. You're able to find the data that you came for, and surprisingly, you find Citadel being held captive by robots within the base. Citadel claims that he hasn't sent you on any of your previous missions. As it turns out, the previous Citadel was a fake. Memory-X had kidnapped Citadel and replaced him with a replica version as part of its plan. The real Citadel is able to discern from the data you collected that Memory-X's purpose was to create replicas of all of the world leaders to bring the world under complete 5th Column control. However, the AI has rebelled against its masters and is now working towards its own ends. After scanning for the energy signatures of the battle droids that you encountered in the lab, Citadel pinpoints some of the robots at a new Portal Corp. Facility, and asks you to check it out while he consults with Statesman. He gives you a bio-scanner designed to pick up life-signs so you can find if there are any hostages inside. When inside, you find the President of the United States and Statesman captured by the robots. The robots are preparing to teleport them to a facility where they will be replicated, and upon learning of your intrusion attempt to destroy the mainframe which houses the co-ordinates. You successfully prevent that from happening, and rescue the hostages. However, it turns out (not surprisingly) that Statesman is a replica.
Memory-X's base is located underground on the moon, and Portal Corp. is capable of teleporting you there. Citadel says that he has found a reliable way of determining who is real and who is a replica, and the Freedom Phalanx will sort out the world leaders who have been kidnapped and not with the help of the United Nations while you go to the moon base. On the moon base, you rescue the hostages that Memory-X has held there, including Back Alley Brawler. With his help, you destroy the mainframes that house Memory-X, and the Master Builder droid that he downloaded himself to, ending its threat. Upon your return to Earth, Citadel informs you that the Freedom Phalanx was able to find the world leader replicas and destroy them, and thanks you for saving the world.
Mechanics
The first mission is on a 15 minute timer, and the contact doesn't tell you that until after you accept the mission. Bad move, made even worse by the really short timer. The specific amount of time isn't a big issue, as it's a really small CoV heist map. However, how small the map is an issue, as the final boss runs at low life, and if you don't have knockback resistance, the amount of KB that higher level 5th Column have will ensure that he escapes. The mission is a defeat all, but that's not a huge deal considering how small the map is.
In the next mission, you have Crey and 5th Column facing off, and it looks like the 5th Column are the main enemy with Crey on Rogue. However, it looks like the author made a couple mistakes with the details, because I would often see groups of Crey killing each other. There are too many fake computers in addition to the real one. Finding the right glowie in this mission is a major pain. The map is also the Crey cloning lab, which doesn't make sense considering the story. The lab is supposed to be developing software, not bio-engineering humans.
The third mission takes place on an abandoned tech map, and you have to find 4 computers in a sea of fake ones. It's not as bad as the first mission, but still annoying. Citadel spawns after you find the 4 correct ones, and he spawns as the AV version instead of the Pet version. I would switch him to the pet one. This map is also a defeat all, but here it's much more of a big deal considering that the map is a larger size. After you rescue Citadel, patrols of 5th column spawn, meaning you have to hunt all of them down in the random areas they pop up at. Considering that this mission is an escort, the defeat all can just be taken out. Even if you stealth the glowies you're going to have to fight things as you haul Citadel back anyhow.
The fourth mission uses a portal corp map, not really any problems with the map itself. Really, the only two problems with this mission that I can think of involve the President. First, he's not set to non-combat, but is a person, meaning that he'll run into fights and begin brawling people. He should be set to non-combat. Also, right after killing his captors, the defend object appears. Based on the clue you get when you return him to the door, it sounds like it should spawn after you haul him to the door.
The 5th mission takes place in one of the Rikti Caves, a pretty big one. I didn't really have a problem with the size, as it was the last mission. In my opinion, your last mission has the freedom to be rather large. However, there are far too many non-essential boss spawns, and the bosses themselves are really annoying. Even if you decide to grab Back Alley Brawler (he's non essential to the mission) he doesn't help much as the bosses are all masterminds who summon 5 robots, meaning BABs will inevitably start beating up a protector bot or something.
The custom group has a few problems. The aforementioned bosses are a bit too much. Bots/Devices, with what appears to be hard/standard. My scrapper had no issues with them, really, but my all-human peacebringer was having major problems. First, they'd immobilize him, and plus the protector bots would just wreak total havoc on him with their forcefields, seeker drones, and stuns. A squishier character is going to have major problems with these guys. The LTs just plain have too many powers. One of them is Forcefield/Energy Blast. The energy blast is definitely on hard, as they have energy torrent, but I'm not sure what the Forcefield is on. Regardless, they have force bolt, dispersion bubble, and aid self. On my peacebringer it was just constant knockback, and I couldn't even hold them to stop it due to the dispersion bubble. The other LTs are Axe/Elec Armor, axe is on hard, not sure of the elec armor. I will tell you however that they were annoying as all hell to kill, even on my scrapper. My peacebringer eventually just skipped all of these whenever he could, because since he only uses energy it was like fighting someone with unstoppable running constantly. Lastly, one of the minions uses Electric Blast/Electric Manipulation. The end drain from these minions was incredibly brutal, thanks to the custom critters using the same power effects that players do, and the fast recharge of charged bolts and electric fence. Even with conserve power on, my Peacebringer's end was floored practically the whole time.
Story
The overall plot is a decent one, but it has issues. First off, in the first two missions Citadel says that he was built by the 5th Column and that they will take control of him if he goes with you. I really hope this is foreshadowing the fact that he is the fake Citadel that was created by Memory-X, because Citadel wasn't created by the 5th Column. Another issue is that the plot, while it makes sense, is pretty hard to follow. After playing through it with 2 separate characters, I had to run through part of it a third time when I sat down to write the plot overview and drew a complete blank as to how the transition between the plot of the first three missions went. After playing it again, it made sense, but barely. Things need to be made clearer. Also, a minor nitpick, but the Flame Protector that spawns claims that he has a powersuit, when Flame Protectors have demon faces under their helmets. After they use a certain power their demon heads are visible. If you really do want him to be someone in a power suit, there is a Paragon Protector Elite that uses fire powers that you could use instead.
Final Thoughts
With some improvements, this arc could be turned into a pretty good one. The plot isn't a bad one, just hard to follow at places. The custom enemy group does need work, however.
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Thanks again very much for the review. I just thought I would mention that I have made some changes/updates based on two reviews (including this one); and a few other comments I received from players kind enough to send them:
Mission 1:
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Redid a portion of the Contact's (Citadel's) text so that it is in line with the CoH in-game lore for the Citadel; (specifically the '5th Column' version of the old Bastion/Citadel Task Force before that Task Force was retconned and changed to use 'The Council').
Mission 2:
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Cut down on the 'sea' (a term used by more than one commentor and reviewer ) of false glowie 'Computer Terminals'; making it (I hope) easier to find the one you need to complete the mission requirements.
Mission 3:
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COMPLETELY REMOVED the 'Defeat All' mission requirement from this mission.
Mission 4:
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Changed the text for the Navigation Bar mission objectives display to more clearly state what the mission objectives are in the mission; and also changed the success description text in the mission to more clearly state was was done by the player; as well as the resulting Clue text..
I'm also considering making changes to the custom group I created (althogh the comments to date are 80% positive to 20% negative about the 'level of challenge' they give those running my arc); but I'm going to wait until after the build currently on the Training Room server goes live before maiking a final decision on this.
So thanks again, LaserJesus; the review was very helpful (and also balanced/fair IMO); and I'm still looking for feedback from those willing to give it (15 people have rated it so far and it remains at four stars overall ).
Arc# 37724, "Brokering the Brickers"
tl;dr: 3 stars. Offenses: "just a bunch of stuff that happened"
Reviewed on: 5/2/2009
Level Range: 11-20
Character used: Mother Night/Virtue
N.B. While I may post reviews in the next few days, I am still not taking requests.
"Hanna the Ghost", a would-be broker, needs your help to recover her USB drive. It was stolen from her while she was doing research at Aeon U. She's hoping the thief doesn't know its value, which is why she's not getting involved directly. The first first lead sends you to an Arachnos base to take out an unnamed "special target" and retrive his or her notebook. If I don't know the name then how...oh, never mind. The first thing I found that looked out of place was "Dirt Digger", an Earth Control/Stone Melee Boss that dropped me instantly. Adding to the inconvenience, she was in the huge Arachnos "reactor room", meaning on the rematch as soon as I hit her she went flying off into the wild black yonder. I managed to stay with her allllllll the way to the floor and finished her off. Her notebook turned out to have a lot of information on many things, including Hanna the Ghost and the PC. It does not have information on the missing USB drive though, something Hanna knows even without looking at it. It turns out she asked you to whack her rival to see if you could be trusted. She points out that this was just part of the contract and you'll be paid for it.
The real target is the Goldbrickers. Hanna knows where they're stashing their loot. Your objective is to connect another USB drive to their computer network. The software on it will locate the contents of Hanna's old drive, download them and then erase all copies on the network. Of course, it's not that simple. When you get to the warehouse and find the mainframe, connecting the USB drive doesn't do anything. The information isn't there. As you find out after clobbering the base's commander and getting back to Hanna, the information has already been moved to King Midas' personal system.
So...time for a royal audience. You have 60 minutes to take out Midas himself and retrieve the information. This is a fairly straightforward run on a tech lab map. Midas was a Super Strength/Invul EB, seeming to lack status protection (this may have been the PToD bug if he was intended as an AV). When you get out you peek at Hanna's data, despite her having told you not to. You are told (but not shown) that it contains ominous data on Operation Destiny and the "Destined Ones". In the debriefing Hanna assumes you read her files and asks you to keep silent about what you've seen, offering you Dirt Digger's notebook (with lots of data on you) as an additional payment.
This is a decent arc, but it's really not much more than an extended newspaper run. There is no theme. It writes a lot of checks it really can't cash, tossing around references to big dark secrets that don't go anywhere because they can't. It's not bad, but it doesn't really stand out in any way.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
First off, thanks again for reviewing my arc, Venture. I'll go into more detail regarding the points you raised here.
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The first first lead sends you to an Arachnos base to take out an unnamed "special target" and retrive his or her notebook. If I don't know the name then how...oh, never mind.
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I've changed this now to include the target's name (and powers, considering Hanna's supposed to be good at espionage). Beforehand, I was aiming for the player's decision to play along and kill on Hanna's word to be a test of trust. As in, "Here's a gun, go kill the person in the other room". I realize that's bad form, but I played it straight. Plus, Hanna could be being watched, and she doesn't want people to track this to her.
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The first thing I found that looked out of place was "Dirt Digger", an Earth Control/Stone Melee Boss that dropped me instantly. Adding to the inconvenience, she was in the huge Arachnos "reactor room", meaning on the rematch as soon as I hit her she went flying off into the wild black yonder. I managed to stay with her allllllll the way to the floor and finished her off.
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I blame this on the fact I left all maps for this arc on random. I didn't realize the green reactor room of death (isn't it like 40 stories high?) was in the roulette. I've changed it to a relatively straightforward map. I was hoping the patrol and NPC chatter would reveal the target, her powers, and purpose for being in the base.
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Midas was a Super Strength/Invul EB, seeming to lack status protection (this may have been the PToD bug if he was intended as an AV).
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I was struggling with the decision to make him an EB or all-out AV (scaled to EB plus PToD) for soloists. I decided to leave him at EB level to save Dominators the pain of not being able to lay down control, but I may reconsider that when a larger team comes a-knockin'.
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When you get out you peek at Hanna's data, despite her having told you not to. You are told (but not shown) that it contains ominous data on Operation Destiny and the "Destined Ones".
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I ran out of characters, hehe. I have altered the final mission's clue with actual examples of the "ominous data", hinting at some of the things the player may find in the game lore.
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This is a decent arc, but it's really not much more than an extended newspaper run. There is no theme. It writes a lot of checks it really can't cash, tossing around references to big dark secrets that don't go anywhere because they can't. It's not bad, but it doesn't really stand out in any way.
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This is probably the biggest concern I had writing the arc. I knew JABOSTH was a very likely claim to come up when I asked this arc to be reviewed, but in the story I have written out, I can't really find any way to make the story be meaningful or challenging to the player's morality. Early on it was just a straight run from A to B, so I added the option of betraying Hanna and siding with the Gold Brickers.
It's funny, too, because this arc was the one I was most interested in fleshing out. Siding with a broker and getting a peek at the future stuff you'll see in your levels? Sounds fun. Too bad I can't go past that in level 20, and all the big conspiracies like Aeon's PST are addressed in Tarikoss's Strike Force.
Virtue: The X-Patriots
Characters include Firewinter, Olive Branch, Maltese Spider... and more!
@Firewinter
Arc 37724: Brokering the Brickers
Arc 128109: All in the Family
Arc# 128109, “All in the Family”
tl;dr: 4 stars. Offenses: Did Not Do The Research, plot holes
Reviewed on: 5/2/2009
Level Range: 21-30; author recommends 25-30
Character used: Mother Night/Virtue
Vincenzo Raffaelli has been asked by his superiors to “take care of” some troublesome witnesses to a recent Family heist. He's been promised a promotion to consigliere if he does. I don't think that's the way we^H^Hthey normally do it here in Jersey but it sounds passable for CoH. He thinks this job is going to require a lot of work and feels a villain would be more reliable than his usual crew. You're told up front the job is going to require killing and isn't for an “honorable” villain. The first step is to rescue the operative who was looking into the witnesses for them, Hanna the Ghost, whom we may remember from the last review.
You're sent to an office map with PPD mobs. Yes, Ghost and Equalizers...fun. There's one PPD Boss, and Hanna who needs to be escorted out. The Boss calls one ambush, you get one when Hanna is sprung and another right on your heels as you hit the door. Hanna unfortunately doesn't have the information any more, her notes having been confiscated by an Inspector Rosa Hadley. You'd think someone in the information business would have a bit of a memory, but, moving on.... She also implies that Raffaelli has no idea what he's doing.
Hanna's leads on Hadley take you to a warehouse being used by her PPD Family task force as a safehouse. Raffaelli thinks at least one of the witnesses may be stashed there as well. You are to kill Hadley and any witnessess. The witness turns out to be Giovanni “Lucky” Scalia, a Super Strength/Willpower (I think) Boss. His dialog indicates he knows Raffaelli is after him. Hadley is an Assault Rifle/Devices Boss who summons one wave of PPD, so expect stacked control effects. Unfortunately the information is not here either, Hadley has uploaded the files to the PPD network. You do get a name from her paper notes and from Scalia, Marcello Corleone (movie reference collision!). When you tell this to Raffaelli, along with Scalia's identity, he freaks out a bit.
Here, the plot pulls something of a Wall Banger. Raffaelli tells you that both men are ex-Family members. Corleone is said to have joined Longbow but Scalia was supposedly allowed to quit. No one quits organized crime. Ever. I might believe that someone defected to Longbow and was thus too well-protected to take out, but nobody just quits. They might be allowed to “retire” in some way but the only way out of cosa nostra is feet first. I'll chalk this up to Did Not Do The Research and move on.... You are sent to track down Corleone and find out what he knows. Raffaelli starts making noises here like he's looking for the door too, which does not bode well for his future.
Once inside, you quickly meet Mario Barzini, a Family Boss and ally. On being sprung he informs you that the Family is aware of Raffaelli's vacillations and that you are to eliminate the witnesses regardless. Failure to do so will be extremely unfortunate for you. A laptop belonging to Corleone has files revealing the heist that precipitated all this took place at Raffaelli Imports and all four witnesses are connected by a single individual. Hmm, now who could that be.... Corleone is a Longbow Warden, Martial Arts type. After his dirt nap you find a photograph on him of a young couple, obviously in love, and probably not long for this world.
Sure enough, Raffaelli identifies the couple as an old picture of his parents, the ones who were robbed. He's now stuck between two unpleasant alternatives: kill his parents or get rubbed out himself by Barzini and friends. The finale is a 30 minute timed mission in which you get to decide whether or not Raffaelli's parents live or die. He begs you to let them live, that he'll leave the Family himself and go underground. I didn't. I stealthed the majority of the base (passing an Agent McClain....) and took out both parents, Minion class mobs. Raffaelli actually gets his promotion, realizing he has nowhere else to go now.
This is a potential five-star arc, but it has some problems with its plot. There's the aforementioned bit about someone quitting the Family. The “anonymous tip” in the first act stands out as a seeming Chekhov's Gun violation. One obvious answer might seem to be that Raffaelli himself called it in, but that grinds up against the later reveal. Another problem is that Hanna, who is supposed to be a serious operative, conveniently catches the Idiot Ball by not being able to remember four names. Of course, that's because if we get the names in Act I the arc peaks too early. Raffaelli's promotion rubs me the wrong way but that's largely because of the difference between what a consigliere is in real life and what one is in City. If it were me I'd put a note in the success debriefing that his body is found a few weeks later.... There are a few references to what the mob used to be, an organization formed to protect powerless workers, but it hasn't been that for centuries and no one seriously tries to describe it that way any more. Aside from these problems the writing, particularly the dialog, is excellent. If the plot issues were corrected this would be a stellar example of what the Architect system is capable of.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Thanks again, Venture! I'll give this review the same reply treatment...
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The Boss calls one ambush, you get one when Hanna is sprung and another right on your heels as you hit the door.
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I thought I removed the PPD Grenadier's ambush from the arc... Damn you, Republish!
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Hanna unfortunately doesn't have the information any more, her notes having been confiscated by an Inspector Rosa Hadley. You'd think someone in the information business would have a bit of a memory, but, moving on...
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Can you believe I didn't realize that? I'll change it so that she just got started on her work (and hence has little info), but was quickly interrupted by the PPD.
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The witness turns out to be Giovanni “Lucky” Scalia, a Super Strength/Willpower (I think) Boss. His dialog indicates he knows Raffaelli is after him.
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Giovanni is Super Strength/Super Reflexes, to match his nickname.
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Here, the plot pulls something of a Wall Banger. Raffaelli tells you that both men are ex-Family members. Corleone is said to have joined Longbow but Scalia was supposedly allowed to quit. No one quits organized crime. Ever. I might believe that someone defected to Longbow and was thus too well-protected to take out, but nobody just quits. They might be allowed to “retire” in some way but the only way out of cosa nostra is feet first. I'll chalk this up to Did Not Do The Research and move on...
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Did Not Do the Research it is. I figured that Scalia's promise to not rat on the cops and live a quiet little life would keep the mob off his back. Too naive of me, I guess. I'll edit that detail so that he seeks PPD protection after he realizes what the deal is.
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There's the aforementioned bit about someone quitting the Family. The “anonymous tip” in the first act stands out as a seeming Chekhov's Gun violation. One obvious answer might seem to be that Raffaelli himself called it in, but that grinds up against the later reveal.
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I was hoping that wouldn't be a problem. Perhaps... Dirt Digger? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN! But no. I may just chalk it up to a random law-abiding citizen noticing a well-armed and ninja-like woman sneaking into an office building. Or previously unknown alarms go off.
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Raffaelli's promotion rubs me the wrong way but that's largely because of the difference between what a consigliere is in real life and what one is in City.
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I have no idea how the Family promotes its members other than being really bloody and loyal. I was considering making Vincenzo an Underboss, but his dislike of killing would probably make him less excited about the promotion. Consiglieres may just do the easy stuff... something Vincenzo can hide behind.
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If it were me I'd put a note in the success debriefing that his body is found a few weeks later....
[/ QUOTE ]
I never quite liked "Epilogue"-style finishes in the debriefing, even though they may wrap up a good story. I left a little note in the souvenir (success or failure) about what sort of personal hell Vincenzo is going through.
[ QUOTE ]
There are a few references to what the mob used to be, an organization formed to protect powerless workers, but it hasn't been that for centuries and no one seriously tries to describe it that way any more.
[/ QUOTE ]
I needed to find some plausible way to make Marcello, a defector to Longbow to do good, be in the Family in the first place. I figured making the Family have good PR would be a nice step, but again my ignorance of organized crime shows. I'll have to reconsider Marcello's backstory a bit more.
[ QUOTE ]
Aside from these problems the writing, particularly the dialog, is excellent. If the plot issues were corrected this would be a stellar example of what the Architect system is capable of.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thank you for the compliment! I'll set off on making this arc be of the highest possible quality, and perhaps others will grant the poor elderly folks a chance to escape the mob's death grip, you evil villain.
Virtue: The X-Patriots
Characters include Firewinter, Olive Branch, Maltese Spider... and more!
@Firewinter
Arc 37724: Brokering the Brickers
Arc 128109: All in the Family
Okay, here's another arc for the sacrificial altar:
Name: A Midsummer Night's Scheme
Arc #: 2378
Author: Devil Childe
Very Long (5 Missions)
Time: 45 Minutes to 1 1/2 Hours
Opponents: Red Caps, the Cabal, a Custom Group
Description: Shakespeare in the Park Paragon City Style. Can you keep it from looking like one of his tragedies? (Paraphrased somewhat).
Story about the Cabal's new tactic in the war with the Red Caps.
There is one Defeat All Mission (yes, I know these can be annoying) but it's on a Small Map. And yes, the custom group is a bunch of Faeries. (I need to work a Denzel Crocker joke in somewhere. If you don't understand the relevance, just ask.)
If Brevity is the Soul of Wit, Why are You Reading This?
Arc #89545: Light of the Sun
Rating: 4 stars
The short of it: Decent plot, interesting custom enemies (though one enemy was a bit annoying), author gives clear warnings for multiple things, needs an edit pass for spelling and grammar
Plot Overview
This arc takes place after the events of The Revenant Hero Project story arc. Janet Kellum has sent a younger hero into a warehouse in Crey's Folly that had suspicious Crey activity. However, a few days the hero returned in the hospital with severe burns and is in a coma, so no one knows what exactly took place inside. Janet wants you to go check it out for anything that Crey possibly left behind, even though it's likely that Crey has scrubbed the base for evidence. Members of the Freakshow have moved into the warehouse, hoping to score some free stuff. Upon defeating their leader, Butcher Betty, you persuade her to tell you what she knows. She says that one of the shipping containers they looked through had a shipping manifest from a Crey facility in Warburg.
Longbow intelligence shows that the Crey facility gets shipments from Arachnos Fliers periodically, so to sneak in, you "commandeer" a flier and fly directly to the Crey Facility. The facility is being run by Crey's Spacetech division, and is under heavy guard. Inside you find a shipping manifest on a computer, which leads you to a Crey owned office. Before you head to the office, Janet explains that Crey's Spacetech division provided the solar shielding for a space mission that NASA and the ESA put together to gather data on the sun. The solar shielding failed, and everyone on board would have died if the captain hadn't been able to plot a return course before it was too late. All three parties have been involved in legal bickering ever since.
Inside of the Crey Spacetech office, you find documents regarding the space shuttle incident, and notes made by a Crey scientist about harnessing the intense solar radiation for use in his Paragon Protector research. You also interrogate the head of security, and learn the location of the lab where the research is taking place. Janet warns you that the Paragon Protector in question is probably what put the hero she sent before you in such a dire state, and that it shouldn't be taken lightly. Undaunted, you proceed to the laboratory. The lab is run by a Dr. Mendares, a protoge of Dr. Summerfeld, the mastermind of the Revenant Hero project who is continuing his mentor's work. You apprehend the doctor and eliminate all traces of his research, before encountering the Sunpowered Protector, who commands extraordinary powers of fire. After a tough battle, you defeat the Sunpowered Proctector, effectively stopping Dr. Mendares' work in it's tracks.
Janet thanks you for your work, and gives you a heartfelt letter from the young hero who has fully recovered from his injuries.
Mechanics
First two missions are short and simple. In the first, is a small Freakshow warehouse with only a defeat boss. The second is the Arachnos flier map on Mercy Island with only a single collect object objective. First mission obviously has Freakshow as it's enemy and second obviously has Arachnos. The first mission has a custom boss, a Freakshow who is Katana/Pain Domination. Nice use on the rusty katana as a thematic choice.
The third mission is also relatively simple. It takes place on the Warburg map, with a single collect object inside as your only objective. The author is kind enough to mention in the introduction where the doors inside are, for those who haven't done a mission on this map yet. Here is where we run into the custom group Crey Spacetech Security. First, they have the level 46-50 Crey Tanks in the group. The custom minions are roughnecks and gunners, roughnecks being Mace/Invulnerability, the mace being the baton, both on standard. The gunners have Assault Rifle, and I honestly could not tell you their secondary. I know it wasn't any kind of defense set.
The lieutenants, let's see if I can remember them all, because there are a few: There are Field Medics, Assault Rifle/Pain Domination, Engineers, Robotics/Something, I honestly can't remember, I only saw a few and they didn't do anything annoying enough to stick in my mind, Scientists, who were Radiation/Claws, and then to my least favorite of the bunch, the Brawlers.
The brawlers are Martial Arts/Super Reflexes, two of the worst scaling powersets. First off, Super Reflexes are all or nothing. Standard and hard have no differences. Personally, I would have made it so on standard, they only have the passives, and on hard they get the toggles, but whatever. Not under my control or the authors. Martial Arts starts with two basic attacks and a stun, but then when turned up to hard, like these were, gets three more attacks and build up, which include a knockback, a knockdown, and an immobilize. On my Scrapper it wasn't such a huge deal, since he's armed to the teeth with accuracy thanks to HOs and don't care about any status effects besides fear, but on my Peacebringer they were just plain awful. Constant knockback and stuns and immobilizes, as I play full human, and the high defense made it very hard for me to land my attacks consistently to give out my own knockback and status effects, which is pretty much how my Peacebringer does his whole thing. While having one or the other isn't too bad, though the build up makes Martial Arts worse than it needs to be when you add in the status effects, combined it's rather ferocious. However, that one enemy is the only one that is a problem. All the others are set low enough and have powerset combinations to function pretty much like a normal villain group.
Oh, and the two bosses are Superstrength/Invulnerability, both on hard, and Assault Rifle/Couldn't tell you, Assault Rifle being on extreme, which isn't a huge deal. The arc is designed for high levels, so you should be used to fighting things that strong anyhow, and the worst thing on Assault Rifle is beanbag, which has a long stun duration.
Mission four takes place in an office and has two collect objects and a boss, specifically the assault rifle one. Nothing really special about this mission.
Mission five takes place on a lab map, and has two defeat bosses and a destroy object. The destroy object spawns an ambush when it's at 50%, nothing too major. The first boss you should encounter (I take no responsibility for the wacky way things spawn in MA missions) is Dr. Mendares, who is a lieutenant. I thought it was a nice touch that the doctor was by and large a pushover. So much in fact, that all I could tell you about his powers is that he's Radiation, as both times I fought him all he had the time to do was use accelerated metabolism. The second boss is the Sunpowered Protector, an Elite Boss. I was confused that he was a standard Elite Boss and not an AV powered down to one, as the description tells you to get allies.
As I read his description, I found out why. The description warns in a roundabout manner that the elite boss has extreme fire melee, which means build up, and a host of high damage attacks. I could also tell just by looking that it was hard level invulnerability, as I saw the beams of light that indicated invincibility. For my SR scrapper, this was all very bad news. The to-hit bonus from invincibility is itself enough to wreak havoc on his defenses outside of elude, and the build up is just the icing on the killing me cake. However, I was given ample warning that I should get help, and fortune favors the bold, so I hit elude, toss a shuriken, and wait for the build up to subside. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. I was taken down fairly quick for it being an elite boss. Round two, I used archmage, and thanks to the resistances I was able to kill it, though I did have to wait for elude to come back as archmage dropped before I could finish it off. Not surprisingly, my Peacebringer faired far better, as with Light Form and his toggles, his resistance to all damage but psi and toxic is capped at 85%, and with essence boost active his HP is higher than my Scrapper's. Unfortunately, due to his lower damage capability, he too could not finish it within light form's duration, after which I quickly ate lab floor. The boss was really close to death though, so I rezzed and cheesed my way to victory by flying, hitting the boss with -fly, and using ranged attacks.
This elite boss is incredibly tough, but I've fought far worse. The intro gives warning to bring allies, and if you read descriptions like I do, you'll know to be very careful going in, so I'm going to let this one slide, as it's not so much of a bus running you over like fighting enemies with build up usually feels, but more of sneaking up and poking a sleeping tiger and having it come to maul you. You know what you're getting into before you fight it.
Story
Like I said earlier, this needs an edit pass badly in some places. Missing punctuation, grammar and spelling problems. Not so bad that you can't read it, but it needs some definite cleaning up. I'm not going to go through and point them all out to you, since that's not my purpose here, but having a friend look it over and editing it would really help.
As for the plot itself, it's nothing spectacular, but by no means bad. It's on par with most of the CoX story arcs, which is a good thing as for the most part I think the plots of the CoX story arcs are rather decent. It's a good superhero plot and makes for an enjoyable play.
I like the overall design of the custom group. It was a refreshing change to fight Crey that's over level 45 and not be fighting wave after wave of those damnable tanks that resist everything under the sun. It was also nice to see bosses that weren't in power armor or were Paragon Protectors. The first two missions being quick playthroughs was very good for the overall flow of the story. Evidence collecting missions, in my mind, should always be quick and painless for the player, as the plot hasn't really picked up yet, and you don't want to bore your player before you've hooked them with your story. Nice job on that front.
Final Thoughts
As long as you are prepared for the difficulty of the last mission and can deal with the Brawler lieutenants, this arc is a fun one that shouldn't disappoint.
Thank you very much for the review, I appreciate the effort
Comments:
[ QUOTE ]
The brawlers are Martial Arts/Super Reflexes, two of the worst scaling powersets. First off, Super Reflexes are all or nothing. Standard and hard have no differences. Personally, I would have made it so on standard, they only have the passives, and on hard they get the toggles, but whatever. Not under my control or the authors. Martial Arts starts with two basic attacks and a stun, but then when turned up to hard, like these were, gets three more attacks and build up, which include a knockback, a knockdown, and an immobilize. On my Scrapper it wasn't such a huge deal, since he's armed to the teeth with accuracy thanks to HOs and don't care about any status effects besides fear, but on my Peacebringer they were just plain awful. Constant knockback and stuns and immobilizes, as I play full human, and the high defense made it very hard for me to land my attacks consistently to give out my own knockback and status effects, which is pretty much how my Peacebringer does his whole thing. While having one or the other isn't too bad, though the build up makes Martial Arts worse than it needs to be when you add in the status effects, combined it's rather ferocious. However, that one enemy is the only one that is a problem. All the others are set low enough and have powerset combinations to function pretty much like a normal villain group.
[/ QUOTE ]
Noted, come I15, they will lose build up and cobra strike (if I can remove that manually).
[ QUOTE ]
The first boss you should encounter (I take no responsibility for the wacky way things spawn in MA missions) is Dr. Mendares, who is a lieutenant. I thought it was a nice touch that the doctor was by and large a pushover. So much in fact, that all I could tell you about his powers is that he's Radiation, as both times I fought him all he had the time to do was use accelerated metabolism.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for noticing, that was what I was going for, he is just a scientist after all, so made him a Lt. on purpose
[ QUOTE ]
This elite boss is incredibly tough, but I've fought far worse. The intro gives warning to bring allies, and if you read descriptions like I do, you'll know to be very careful going in, so I'm going to let this one slide, as it's not so much of a bus running you over like fighting enemies with build up usually feels, but more of sneaking up and poking a sleeping tiger and having it come to maul you. You know what you're getting into before you fight it.
[/ QUOTE ]
Excellent feedback and battle report. Though I am sorry you had some trouble, this is the difficulty I had intended, at least offense wise. She was originally Willpower as secondary, but it turned out to be too hard to beat her regen for some ATs. Come I15, I will try to balance her secondary a bit better (losing Invincibility maybe), primary is working at a difficulty I wanted though.
[ QUOTE ]
Like I said earlier, this needs an edit pass badly in some places. Missing punctuation, grammar and spelling problems. Not so bad that you can't read it, but it needs some definite cleaning up. I'm not going to go through and point them all out to you, since that's not my purpose here, but having a friend look it over and editing it would really help.
[/ QUOTE ]
*sigh* That bad still? I've been trying to get them all, but sadly that is pretty much as good as I can get it (english isn't my first language). Completely understand though that you don't wan't point them all out, you did a great job already with all the feedback I will try to get someone to give it another pass.
[ QUOTE ]
As long as you are prepared for the difficulty of the last mission and can deal with the Brawler lieutenants, this arc is a fun one that shouldn't disappoint.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks again for the very detailed and in depth feedback, I really appreciate it
Yeah, willpower is brutal if you set it on hard or higher. I think invuln is the way to go. The tohit bonus on invincibility is mainly a problem for defense sets, like I said, my peacebringer didn't have any troubles except for when light form crashed.
The spelling and grammar aren't terrible, just cases of a wrong word used here and there, some punctuation and spelling errors and such. It was more noticeable in the earlier missions than in the later ones. The only specific example I can think of is in the first mission's intro text, conscience should be consciousness. The rest is just small stuff like mission periods and commas and spelling mistakes.
[ QUOTE ]
However, in regards to Citadel being built by the 5th Column, I still don't think that's correct. I doubt I have my original Bastion TF souvenir sitting around, but I think you have it a bit backwards. In the Bastion TF, the 5th Column had gotten their hands on Bastion's schematics and were using them to improve their robots. As far as I can remember, Bastion was built by a superhero.
[/ QUOTE ]
Bastion is described as being "the original android hero." He was nearly completely destroyed in the first battle with the Rikti. I don't see anything regarding his creation, so I can't rule out a 5th Column origin story. If anyone has source material on Bastion's beginnings, I'd love to see it.
Contextually, we know that the "Mek Men androids" first appeared in the early 1940s. They were created by Othman Doul (aka "Vandal"). Doul was recruited by Requiem into the 5th Column in the 1930s presumably because of his skills as a tinkerer in electronics and advanced mechanics.
If we were to suggest a heroic origin for Bastion, I'd suspect it was created by James St. John-Smythe, designer of the Vambrace battle armor (worn by ex-football hero Brandon Warfield). St. John-Smythe, as part of Team Vambrace, was one of the founding members of the Freedom Phalanx (1932). St. John-Smythe was apparently one of the geniuses of his age and most likely a multidisciplinarian scientist. His scientific enterprises included the St. John-Smythe Foundation for Medical Research, which among other things investigated the "troll-condition" created by chronic abuse of superadine. The most obvious course would be for St. John-Smythe to have decided to replace his friend Warfield - after death or injury - with a complicated mechanism capable of movement and crude decision-making. Possibly the first version of a Vambrace/Bastion armor was radio-controlled and it went on from there.
Getting back to the actual game history ... around the same time Bastion was destroyed by the Rikti, Rick Davies (a starting science origin contact) donned an armored suit and battled the Rikti under the name Horatio. As the war progressed, Rick was severely hurt and his armor damaged.
Positron took the Horatio armor and used it to reconstruct the badly damaged Bastion. If the Horatio armor was based upon the Vambrace technology, and if - as I have speculated - the original android Bastion was also based upon the Vambrace technology, then it makes sense that Positron was able to merge the two fairly similar systems.
DATA also gave Bastion significant upgrades, after which his name was changed to Citadel.
The Council's version of Citadel is named "Bulwark." Bulwark is said to use the "same technology" as Citadel, plus that of the Mek Men, but so far as I can see it is unclear whether they are speaking of the technology from DATA, the modifications made by Positron, the technology behind the Horatio suit, or the technology behind the original Bastion.
I would say the most likely scenario is that the Council stole the Bastion upgrade technology from DATA, but really it could be anything.
If anyone has any additional information on this, please post it or PM me. Thanks!
Man that was some hard mod-smackin' right there.
No kidding.
Rise of the Copper Legion (#60280; with soundtrack)
The Fractured Dreamer (#498588; with musical theme)
"Now Leaving: Paragon City": original composition for the end of CoH
Arc #77928: Heroes at War - 1944
Rating: 2 stars
The short of it: Interesting NPC dialogue, outdoor maps that can make finding objectives a pain, annoyingly powerful bosses, annoying custom enemies
Plot Overview
As the title suggests, the story takes place in 1944 Europe, in the throes of World War II. You've gone back through time with the help of Ouroboros to fight the German forces and help the Allies achieve victory. You first are deployed to the beaches of Normandy, where the Germans have their own superpowered soldier. You battle with Herr Zerstoerung, a member of the German Storm Korps, and rescue the Sergeant who is leading the allied forces. Next, you're asked to help push back the Germans at the Battle of the Bulge. After rallying the allied forces at a statue, you defeat two of the Storm Korps members, Sturm und Drang and Derr Kommandant, helping the allies achieve victory.
Next your services are required in Bastogne, where more Storm Korps members are making the battle difficult for the allies. You defeat Nordmaedchen and Stahlfaust and save the life of an Allied General, securing victory for the allied forces. It seems like the war in the European theater of operations is nearly over, but command has lost contact with the 7th. Command suspects the Storm Korps is responsible, as the 7th had their own superpowered hero with them. Upon arriving at the scene, the 7th is completely massacred save for one man, Statesman. You save Statesman, defeat Sonnekrieger, and the leader of the Storm Korps, Eisensturm, ensuring the allied victory in Europe.
Mechanics
Now I will admit this is personal preference, but the outdoor maps make it a huge problem to find some of the custom bosses and other objectives. The main one I always have a problem with is the second map, where finding the statue and Derr Kommandant is always troublesome. Derr Kommandant mostly because he looks very similar to the German Forces. I'd suggest giving him some sort of aura to make him stand out from the crowd.
The German forces themselves are all Willpower, making their aggro radius pretty huge unless you have a lot of stealth. On outdoor maps, this can become a real problem as there's no walls or anything to block line of sight, meaning that you'll be fighting a lot of soldiers at once. I'd suggest switching them to standard Invulnerability if you want them to have a defense set. On standard, it's incredibly toned down effects wise (even moreso than Willpower) and gives them an added bit of toughness without making them omniscient. The allied Marines seem to be all LTs or higher, and on extreme invulnerability and assault rifle making them far stronger than the German forces. I didn't see a single battle where the US soldiers didn't completely obliterate the Germans. Since the mission text always suggests that things are going poorly for the allies, they probably shouldn't be this powerful. In fact, sometimes when a boss would spawn close to a battle, the US soldiers would kill them for me.
Some of the bosses are well balanced difficulty wise, while others are far too powerful, especially the two that have storm powers, Sturm und Drang and Eisensturm. Sturm und Drang is extreme Electric Blast and Storm Summoning, meaning he has aim, freezing rain, and thunderous blast. This can pretty much obliterate most people. Eisensturm is similar, with extreme electric melle instead of blast. Same problem, freezing rain and build up means death for pretty much everyone but the most powerful of characters. Sonnekrieger and Stahlfaust may be a bit too strong, but they're not as bad as the two storm enemies.
Statesman's costume is very nice, it looks a lot like his 1940's costume that is shown in the trailers for CoH. However, he's Archvillain class and extreme superstrength/invulnerability, meaning that if you can deal with his tendency to run off and fight everything within a mile radius, that he can take out any of the elite bosses in the final mission in a couple hits. Not only does this make it way too easy when you bring Statesman along for the boss fights, it also feels wrong that Statesman is more powerful in World War II than modern day Statesman. Turning down his difficulty would both make him less overpowering and more fitting with CoH's history, as Statesman has become increasingly powerful over the years.
Story
The arc is more or less a World War II themed slugfest, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The German soldiers' dialogue was a nice touch, as they hardly ever spoke in English, and whenever they did it still seemed like it was a German speaking English and not a native English speaker. I can understand a bit of German, so I was able to get the gist of most of what they were saying, and there's always Google Translator if you want to get a good idea of their dialogue. As I said earlier, the custom Statesman with the World War II costume is a nice touch as well, even if his power level is out of touch with canon.
If there's one thing I need to point out, it's that Ouroboros only sends people back in time when something has tampered with the time stream and it needs to be fixed, at least for their task forces. However, nothing in the arc really says that there's been any tampering.
Final Thoughts
I really want to like this arc, but some of the problems with it are too annoying for me to recommend it as it currently is.
I made a post here earlier today, but it appears to have been deleted.
Arc Name: "ASHes: The Mystery of the Rudatio Corporation"
Arc ID: 135774
Length: Very Long (5 mission)
Morality: Heroic
Author: @Molossus
Description: Uncover the plot of the shady Rudatio Corporation. Story Driven. Soloable, but can be difficult. One EB at the end.
Rip it to shreds when you get the time.
If anyone has the time to review my first arc, I'd appreciate it. It took me about 45 minutes to complete in testing, though I focused on completing mission goals rather than defeating everything in the missions. Someone without stealth will probably take longer, and the last mission will be a race against time, where it may be better to run past foes instead of fighting everything.
Digital Transition
by @Heroic
Arc ID: 143017
Length: Long
First Published: 05/03/2009 12:15 PM
Morality: Neutral
Mission 1: Small size map, level range 40-45. Contains Ambush, Boss, Collection, Ally.
Mission 2: Unique map, level range 40-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, Ally.
Mission 3: Large size map, level range 1-54. Contains Boss, Collection, A Destructible Object.
Enemy Groups: Freakshow, Psychic Clockwork, Custom Group.
Description: A strange message appears in your email. The citizens of Paragon City are about to be enslaved by Television. You must break into a Freakshow base and recover the parts to the one being that can defeat it - the Radio! [Type: Story, Estimated Time: 1 hour]
Arc #123675: The Lost Choir: Chapter One: The Old Testament
Rating: 4 stars
The short of it: Well written plot, overpowered bosses in final mission, lack of closure disappointing
Plot Overview
Abbas John has asked for your assistance. In the first Rikti War, the Rikti destroyed many of the churches and other places of worship to demoralize the human population. The Electist church is attempting to rebuild, and one of the churches that is being built in Salamanca is under attack. Upon arriving, you discover the place to have been overrun by Tuatha, who have kidnapped the construction crew. After you rescue them, the foremen are grateful, and tell you that the Tuatha are acting strangely and constantly talk about a Choir.
John is concerned by the fact that the Tuatha are talking about a Choir, because as far as he knows, the Tuatha have no such thing, and are likely being controlled by another villain group besides the Red Caps. However, no other villain group has such a After some research on the Rikti, he discovers that the Rikti word for Council is similar to Crier, which could be construed as Choir. Vanguard has some intelligence that might lead to some clues, and you head to a Rikti base. Inside, you find a religious altar and a Rikti holding a religious ceremony, in which it references something called the Soaring One.
John is more confused by this turn of events, as the Rikti killed all of the Gods in their home dimension, and religion is outlawed by their people. After contacting Vanguard again, you learn that the Rikti you found are part of a splinter group of the Restructurists who believe that they need faith to win the war against our Earth. Vanguard knows where one of their main temples are, but unfortunately it is about to be assaulted by the Restructurists for their dissent. In order to find more clues, you will have to save them. Inside, you discover that the Restructurists have gotten here before you, and the Vanguard officers sent to assist you have been captured. After rescuing them and the High Priest, you defeat the leader of the Restructurist forces in the base. The High Priest explains that they were unaware of the Tuatha being controlled, but mentions that the Choir likely refers to the Soaring One, the enemy of their god Thellos, who works to keep the Soaring One at bay.
When you next speak with John, he has bad news. Vanguard has detected invaders from another dimension inside of the spirit realm, and the Rikti High Priest is going nuts about it, talking about a being called the Infinite Eye. Vanguard's mages open a doorway to the spirit realm, and you go to stop this invasion. In order to do so, you must destroy tendrils that have crept into the spirit world from the other dimension, and defeat the leader of the invasionary force. The creatures inside all seem to share a sort of hive mind, and have subjugated the advance Vanguard exploration team. You also run into a Tuatha who explains that the Infinite Eye offered to free them from the Red Caps in exchange for their service. However, the Infinite Eye subsumed their will, and the one you rescue is the only one that resisted.
Upon your return, you hear more bad news, as a hole has opened in the sky over Atlas Park, unleashing more invaders. You race to the scene to find that they are different from the Infinite Eyes you faced earlier, appearing similar to angels. The PPD on the scene are no match for them, and it's up to you to defeat their leader, who claims to be the son of a being called Xhantranos. The plot is continued in the next arc.
Mechanics
For the most part, everything is fine. The first map is the outdoor Croatoa city map, the next two are rikti base maps, the fourth the Broken Teeth map, and the last is the Atlas Park meteor map. None of these maps were terribly bad, though the fourth mission can be a touch annoying to find some of the objectives on.
Nothing incredibly out of the ordinary objective-wise for the first 2 missions, just some rescue, collection, and boss details. The third mission has 2 allies, both Vanguard lieutenants, an escort of a Rikti Priest, and a boss battle with Hro'Dtohz under a different name. The fourth mission has three destroy object details, 3 vanguard LTs who are optional allies, (though they show up on the nav bar, I would remove them from the nav bar as it implies that they are necessary) another ally that is a Tuatha boss, and a boss enemy. The Infinite Eyes minions are Sonic/Sonic, and the boss is Psychic Blast/Dark Miasma. I didn't see a single custom LT in the group.
The last mission only has one detail, defeat the Nephalim, who is AV level and is Fire Blast/Invulnerability, I believe. He's on extreme, meaning aim and inferno. Unfortunately, the AI concerning nova style powers is really screwed up. I've only ever seen it used properly by custom enemies who are energy blast and dark blast. Every other time I've seen the custom enemies use it immediately as you fight them, meaning that as soon as you get up by them, there's an inferno in your face. The same problem exists with the bosses, who are extreme psychic blast. Psychic blast doesn't have aim, but it still has psychic wail, which can be a real problem for some ATs and powersets. For this reason alone, I would suggest putting the bosses and the Nephalim on hard difficulty for both of their blasts, as it's no fun to charge into a group of enemies and instantly get smashed with a nova. It's also especially bad on the bosses, because on a large team you're going to have multiple psychic blast enemies who will all hit the melee characters with a ton of psychic damage immediately. Goodbye, most tanks, and soon goodbye team. The rest of the custom group is rather well balanced, however.
Story
A warning: if you really hate religion, this arc is not for you. Don't even play it. Also, if you're sensitive about Christianity being used in a fictional context, it's not for you. Don't play it. Everybody else should probably enjoy the plot. The Electist church is obviously supposed to be Christianity, but the plot doesn't hit you over the head with Christian morals. It mainly uses Christian mythology (no offense to Christians) as material to draw from to tell the story.
Overall, I thought the story was well written. The quotes from the old testament as your entered a mission were all thematically appropriate to the missions and were a nice touch. The concept of an underground Rikti religion was also intriguing to me, and the Rikti's names being Riktified versions of biblical names was a nice nod. The text has a few spelling errors, but that's fixed easily enough with an edit pass.
However I do have a couple things to point out. Restructurists are mainly comprised of Rikti who were promoted from the ranks of the Lost, so would they be aware of the lost religion of the Rikti? Not a huge deal, but still something to consider. I would suggest changing Hro'Dtohz to a Rikti Priest in the third mission. A Rikti Priest attacking would make a lot of sense, as the job of the Rikti Priests is to ensure that abberant thoughts are crushed. Having one lead the purge of the religious sect would be more appropriate than a general.
In the last mission, the intro text says that the hole opened over Kings Row, yet the nav bar, mission accept text, and map all say that it is Atlas Park where you are fighting.
Finally, the last mission has absolutely no return dialogue, just saying that the story is continued in the next arc. Each chapter of the story should have it's own end point. Not even having Abbas John say anything left a bad taste in my mouth.
Final Thoughts
This would have been a five star arc, if not for the problems with the bosses in the last mission and the complete lack of closure. Aside from those problems the plot is still good, and worth a play if the subject matter won't get you bent out of shape and you can deal with the bosses in the last mission.
Seeing as my question got pruned.
Photonic Savior, Venture, other takers, what's your opinions of arcs that, were they canon, would seriously violate the status quo?
What shall claim a Sky Kings' Ransom?
PPD & Resistance Epic Archetypes
I would appreciate anyone's honest feedback on my first published arc.
Arc Name: Dawn of a New Day
Arc ID: 131320
Faction: All Customs - Chancellor Security, Priddellians
Synopsis: Hero(es) are sent on a wild goose chase in the beginning to create a cover for an evil leader to try and take over Paragon City. With your contacts help, you have to figure out what is really going on and put a stop to the plan.
Scales rather well as I ran it with my lvl 43 emp/ele defender and was able to finish it. If you want to run it at 50 and have upp'd the difficulty you should probably bring a few friends for the last mission.
Thanks in advance for any feedback.