Thanks for the review! Four out of five, even though the only real flaw you mentioned was the problematic mob? I guess the self-insertion really put you off. Can't say I blame you; I know it's pretty egotistical.
Issue 16 made me feel like this.
Warning: This poster likes to play Devil's Advocate.
Check mine out, spent a lot of time on it and could use some good feedback.
#6999 Seekers of the Grail
Note: I can't get the boss animations to work properly and it is bugging me, it would add a lot to the atmosphere.
Queue as of this moment: 12285, 12669, 1614, 1033, 2085, 9590, 9584, 1462, 1684, 5898, 7662, 2007, 7780, 1074, 1297, 14826, 20696, 6999.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
I will willingly and willfully throw mine into the Queue with a few provisos:
1) If you are only reviewing "serious" story arcs then just stop reading now, ignore the numbers below and move on to more deserving story arcs. Because mine is meant to be humorous and silly for the most part.
2) My arc is actually spread over 3 different Arc ID's because I refused to cut corners on my new creations and stuffing jokes into every nook and cranny I could find. It is actually only 5 missions long though (and one of those is tiny). If you won't/can't run from beginning to end then I completely understand and you can set my request gently by the wayside.
Other than that I would be very interested to hear your take on it. The Arc ID's and titles of my silliness are in my sig.
Many thanks, many glad tidings, many more where that came from.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
Thanks for agreeing to take a second look at my arc BTW. I aim to please. 
Arc #12285, "Small Fears"
tl;dr: 5 stars. Nits: annoying escorts, multiple AVs, possibly disturbing models
The Contact, an "Oracular Urchin", tells you that something is coming for Paragon's children, implying that it is somehow associated with whatever is happening. The map is the "flooded office" map, and the first mobs I fought were a "Monster Under Bed" (Claws/DA), a "Bully" (small boy model, SS/Invul) and a "Mean Girl" (small girl model, looked like Psy Blast/Mind Manipulation). I don't know how well the idea of having the player beat up little kids is going to go over. The first hostage (who refused to leave the map, probably not the author's fault) also had a "Hallway Monster" guarding him, an Axe/Shield. There are total of three hostages that have to be escorted out, including your Contact, on a multi-story office map...yeah.
The Urchin tells you that whatever sent the fear creatures after the kids is still out there and sends you to find it in the second mission. You're sent to another office map, with more of the Monsters and brats, where you find a clue telling you that Mother Mayhem must be nearby. Sure enough she's in the sewers under the building, evidently hiding from "her"...whom is taken over Mayhem's asylum. Whatever is there, it's too much for the Urchin to take when he tries to scan the asylum...so off you go.
The Asylum map has the Monsters from before, plus Mean Girls who now look a lot less human (and, I think, have changed from Psy/Mind Manip to Psy/Mind Control), and some "Closet Monsters" that are very nicely done (Fire/Something). We also get "Dark Clown" LTs with Katana/Illusion; these actually look worse (in a good way) than my character Mr. Pagliacci.... And the Bullies have "evolved" too, less human models and SS/DA now. The Big Bad is "Phobia", a Dark Blast/Dark Miasma AV. I had some trouble here at first due to auras off her goons interuppting Aid Self. All that ended when I hit Elude. Ambushes are triggered as Phobia weakens, consisting of both Mayhem's mobs and Phobias, which are hostile to each other. Upon her defeat you get an ambush including Mother Mayhem herself (I think...might just be a triggered spawn), whom I managed to take down before Elude crashed (she spawned at +2, too). Defeating Mayhem and her guards ends the mission.
I was on the fence on this one between four and five stars. I decided to err on the side of mercy. The mission has good atmosphere, good writing and some good looking mobs, especially The Closet Monsters. The negatives are the annoying escorts, multiple AVs in the last mission (but then, it is a short arc, and if Mayhem isn't an ambush you'll at least have time to recuperate before taking her on) and the child models, which may be disturbing to some. I'd recommend making them less human from the start.
Edit: published wrong version, had some omissions
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Just so you know, I had to re-publish my arc (fixed a lot of things). It may be easier to simply look up Shadowlight in browse since I don't know if it will be changed again between now and by the time you get to it ~_^ your such a busy reviewer.
Also, you've gotten me to play some of these arcs based on your reviews. So far they're pretty much dead on.
So do you do low-level stuff, Venture, or just high-level? Because I'd like your opinion on my lowbie mission "Bricked Electronics".
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
Arc #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
tl;dr: 3 stars. Offenses: Killer GMing, "just a bunch of stuff that happened"
Another unusual Contact, this one is...a box of junk named /Hide. It claims to be a shapeshifter. The arc description (in the database) says you're sent to it by Citdel during an investigation of strange behavior on the part of Paragon's artificial intelligences. It also says the arc is "solo unfriendly", which leads me to a digression I expect will go over like a lead balloon, but I'm sticking to it.
Arcs that are designed to kill solo players are broken. Writing "TF" or "not meant to be soloed" on the label does not make it not broken. The Mission Architect system does not allow you to gate your work by team size, meaning it is intended to produce content for standard groups. That includes groups of size 1. If you've got a job to design a passenger airplane and you submit a design for a cargo airplane, then you've failed, no matter how cool your cargo plane is or whether you wrote "this is a cargo airplane" on the cover. If and when the system is upgraded to allow us to gate arcs by team size then you can up the ante. If someone games the system to let them solo an arc that requires (e.g.) four players it's their problem when they get smeared. Until then, unsoloable arcs are just killer GMing. The "reward" for killer GMing is having people not read your story because they quit and one-star you. Yes, I know the Ouroboros pseudo-TFs do the same thing. They're broken too. Bad behavior is not legitimized just because the developers engaged in it. Back to the review.
The first mission is on a warehouse map. I immediately ran into level 54 reflection versions of Council robots. This is a new one for me, as I'm using a level 50 character on Unyielding...not sure how the author got level 54 spawns. Plowing through the bots led me to "Archimedes' Lever", a level 54 EB assigned to the "Shameless Self-Insertions" faction. This is not a good sign. The Big Bad turned out to be a Freedom Phalanx Cataphract, which I believe explains the level issue...that doesn't spawn lower than a 54, I think, thereby allowing the author to lock the whole mission to that level.
The Cataphract had some blue goo in it (grey is the customary color for evil nanotech, but that's a nit), which /Hide traces to an Arachnos base for you. In theory a microwave pulse has already destroyed the blue goo. Entering the base it's clear this did not work, as I ran into a patrol of robots chatting about what they're going to do after the humans are all dead. PPD and Rikti Drones are added to the mix here, along with some customs...a "Drone Coordinator" LT (Bots/FF) and a "Repair Bot (Electric Blast/Pain Domination). I picked up a Bane Executioner ally and moved on. The Big Bad was OV3RDR1V3, a custom (Bots/something...died too fast). The /info says he was the result of a mistaken attempt at assimilating a helmetted Freak. The mission-complete Clue says the "Virals" are going to try to sterilize the Rogue Isles by taking over the Arbiter Drones.
The next mission doesn't go in that direction, though. Instead you're sent ot a Malta cargo ship full of Titans that have gone berserk. The first spawn point consisted of four Zeus Titans obliterating a bunch of Malta mobs. I hit Elude and wiped them out. It then became evident that pretty much every spawn on the map was multiple Zeuses, so I hit stealth and flew past everything. Before I found whatever it was I was supposed to do, the mission completed. I can only assume that one of the battles destroyed the objective. I did find a Malta hostage, which I freed even though the mission was over. He ran for the door, with a release message saying he was "going for reinforcements" and I "might want to wrap this up quickly", so I just clicked out.
Next up: Portal Court, as it looks like the Virals are trying to reach machines in other dimensions (including, say, Tau Delta 8-7, which is overrun by Nemesis Automatons). You're warned that the PPD and Nemesis are already on the scene. (You're also told that Citdel is staying out because the Virals can take over any AI. Good thing they never noticed my character has a symbiotic one. Likewise the Contact assumes your character knows little or nothing about computers or AIs. Really should write for the general case.) The mission is actually the "Portal Lab" map, not the outdoor map. Praetorian and Nemesis robots get added to the mix here. The Big Bad is a berserk PPD Enforcer, which had two or three friends...I lost count. You've got two PPD Quantum allies possible on this map, but one of them spawned behind the Big Bads. I pushed on to see if there were any Clues on the map but didn't find any.
Last mission takes place in a warehouse, objective is to destroy all three parts of the "Perfect Machine". I managed to get killed by converging patrols when one of them flatlined my END from behind. There are some more Shameless Self-Insertions available as allies, all Boss level: Energon X (Energy/Energy, I think), Flashpoint Zeo (Fire Melee/Aura), and Sergeant Allerdyced (MA/DA, I think). There weren't any significant fights. After destroying all three mainframes, a fourth part, a "Laptop Case" spawned somewhere but I never got to see it...I think one of the allies greased it. It taunts you by asking if you've ever heard of offsite backups. /Hide assures you this is an idle threat, that the signal used by the Virals is too distinctive to hide. To quote one of the early hackers (can't remember the cite right now) "never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon stuffed full of tapes hurdling down the freeway".
There's some good writing in the dialog, but the repeated attempts to stuff the mission full of Instant Death are tiresome. (And the only time I died was due to blind stinking bad luck, not from throwing a battleship at me.) Level-locking the first mission at 54 is just wrong: anyone trying this below 50 is going to get greased. I'd recommend toning it down so people will actually play through it and read the good writing, instead of getting frustrated and quitting.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Arc #1614, "Don't Rain On My Parade!"
tl;dr: 4 stars. Offenses: short, overpowering ally
Statesman asks for your help in rescuing hostages from an Arachnos raid, the Phalanx being busy fighting another raid. The victims are all members of the Phalanx's fan club involved in planning the annual parade, which Recluse wants stopped. The first fan you rescue is "Sh'rignok Destroyer", an alien that tried to take over the city in the 60s only to get hit in the head a little too hard by Statesman. He's now a Phalanx otaku, and a SS/Shield ally. His costume is a real eyesore but that's appropriate for the character. I then rescued "Jane", a computer geek:
[NPC] Jane: Looks like my rescue is here. Oh poo, it's not one of the Freedom Phalanx... My blog weeps...
[NPC] Jane: Pretty good job I guess. Have you ever considered applying to be a part of the Phalanx?
(My character thinks the Freedom Phalanx is a threat to society...she's lucky she's a non-combatant.) The next two were a little kid and an old former PPD officer. The mission exit popup says they managed to steal a piece or two of your costume...not very thrilling in my case, as I was using a street clothes slot.... In the debriefing Statesman tells you the fan club asked them to make you a member, and that they humored the club members but they're not looking for more members. Boo hoo. (Of course, I have "reserve member" status whether I want it or not.)
All in all, a funny one-mission arc. The ally is a bit much (maybe make him an LT) and the writing could maybe be generalized a bit more.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
First off, thanks for the reviews- appreciate you taking the time. A couple of quick comments in response... okay, scratch that, on review, a lot of comments in response-
Small Fears
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The first hostage (who refused to leave the map, probably not the author's fault) *break* There are total of three hostages that have to be escorted out, including your Contact, on a multi-story office map...yeah.
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Aye, that's a hostage AI glitch. They were originally plain-vanilla rescues, but upon being saved, they just stood there. Kind of breaks the mood >.<
Also, it seemed a bit weird to me, after some thought, to essentially pat the kids on the head and tell them 'okay, toddle along now, I'm sure you'll be fine running all alone through the demon-infested remains of your school'. The inconvenience is noted, but I decided to include the escorts for the sake of immersion... or at least an attempt at it. Frigging glitches -_-
As to the multi-levelled nature of the thing... I did my best to ensure that all the kids spawned on the first two floors, but it looks like you hit a bad run of it. And there really aren't any maps that fit the atmosphere as well as that one- for preference, I'd use the Croatoa ghost map with the debuffing fog- better ambience, and a much smaller map as a bonus. Unfortunately, that one doesn't seem to be available.
You have a knack for putting your finger on things that I already am unsure of; unfortunately, I'm not entirely certain how to remedy them with the tools I have :/
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I don't know how well the idea of having the player beat up little kids is going to go over.
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Hmm... I see your point here, but I'm of two minds on it. Part of me agrees, and part just shrugs and says that the various critters are supposed to be representations of childhood fears, and bullies of either gender are very much a part of that. Also, the 'little' kids are more than six feet tall >.>
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and if Mayhem isn't an ambush
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She isn't.
How to Survive a Robot Uprising
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It also says the arc is "solo unfriendly", which leads me to a digression I expect will go over like a lead balloon, but I'm sticking to it.
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Actually, the 'solo unfriendly' label was intended more as a 'bring an appropriate inspiration loadout, and you probably shouldn't try it on a Defender' warning than an 'I'm actively trying to kill you' one- unfortunately, the text box description is so sharply limited that there's very little room to actually, y'know, describe your arc.
Fair point, though. Mind you, I have soloed it succesfully on my Energy/Energy/Munitions Blaster (next to no sets, reasonable loadout of Hami-Os)
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The Big Bad turned out to be a Freedom Phalanx Cataphract, which I believe explains the level issue...that doesn't spawn lower than a 54, I think, thereby allowing the author to lock the whole mission to that level.
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*sigh* Not quite what I intended. If I could have the Cataphract at 50, I would. Unfortunately, my only other options (assuming I don't want to reuse the PPD bots, which I really really don't) for a large robot are the Arachnos Heavy Blaster, which doesn't fix anything, or the Vanguard Heavy... which I had actually forgotten about until now- I had originally used it elsewhere, which is why it wasn't in that mission. I may have to change that, although it loses a bit of the visual 'punch', being a much duller colour. Mind you, it will also be much less annoying. Right, something to look into.
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The Cataphract had some blue goo in it (grey is the customary color for evil nanotech, but that's a nit)
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It's a reference to the Rogue Robots mini-arc you can get from either Merisel Valenzuela or Allison King in the early thirties in 'canon' CoH.
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"Archimedes' Lever", a level 54 EB assigned to the "Shameless Self-Insertions" faction. This is not a good sign.
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Actually, they're what I use when I don't have a plot reason for someone to be there beyond 'I need an ally for difficulty reasons'. I've got all those ready-made costumes and characters, so why not? Also, it's a bit of gently self-deprecatory humour.
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The mission-complete Clue says the "Virals" are going to try to sterilize the Rogue Isles by taking over the Arbiter Drones.
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Tense error- were going to try and sterilize the isles, that's why they were in that lab in the first place. Hmm... going to have to double-check that, make sure it's clear. Oh... wait. Hmm. I think that's supposed to be the hostage clue. Time to do some bug-hunting, I guess.
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The next mission doesn't go in that direction, though. Instead you're sent ot a Malta cargo ship full of Titans that have gone berserk. The first spawn point consisted of four Zeus Titans obliterating a bunch of Malta mobs. I hit Elude and wiped them out. It then became evident that pretty much every spawn on the map was multiple Zeuses, so I hit stealth and flew past everything. Before I found whatever it was I was supposed to do, the mission completed. I can only assume that one of the battles destroyed the objective. I did find a Malta hostage, which I freed even though the mission was over. He ran for the door, with a release message saying he was "going for reinforcements" and I "might want to wrap this up quickly", so I just clicked out.
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Ooookay, apparently the dialogue on that one was problematic- I thought I'd made it explicit in the introductory text that you just have to kill a destructible object, but you're not the only one to misinterpret what's said. Going to have to do some rewriting, looks like.
I'm also going to change that to a glowie-click, I think. I hadn't thought that mobs could become hostile to objects, so... yeah. Didn't really expect it to be attacked.
And the Malta hostage is mostly for flavour.
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You're also told that Citdel is staying out because the Virals can take over any AI. Good thing they never noticed my character has a symbiotic one.
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... bugger. I thought I had fixed that. Er, for AI-type characters, I mean. Guess not, *sigh* Well, that is what reviews are for, after all.
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Likewise the Contact assumes your character knows little or nothing about computers or AIs. Really should write for the general case.
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Uhm... actually (and again, this is something I had thought reasonably clear, especially as I had rewritten it several times) the contact assumes that your character is not a trained counterintelligence agent specializing in rogue AIs. Not that you know nothing about AIs in general. But, once again, fair enough.
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The mission is actually the "Portal Lab" map, not the outdoor map.
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*grumble* Another case of the map I wanted not being available.
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The Big Bad is a berserk PPD Enforcer, which had two or three friends...I lost count. You've got two PPD Quantum allies possible on this map, but one of them spawned behind the Big Bads.
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I would kill for the ability to determine specifically where the allies spawn- I've had both PPD turn up first thing, and other times when I had to hunt all over the backside of the map for them.
Also, (and I know I spelled this out in the dialogue) you only have to kill the named boss. Again, I soloed this without much difficulty on my Blaster... don't even think I used inspirations, and if I had any allies, it was just one of them. I actually had bumped up the number of PPD bots because the initial encounter was too easy (bearing in mind that this was on a lone squishy).
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To quote one of the early hackers (can't remember the cite right now) "never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon stuffed full of tapes hurdling down the freeway".
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... you didn't read the mission souvenir, did you? 
I should really include a note to that effect- there was a bit of an epilogue in there.
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There's some good writing in the dialog, but the repeated attempts to stuff the mission full of Instant Death are tiresome. (And the only time I died was due to blind stinking bad luck, not from throwing a battleship at me.)
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Which might suggest that I am not, in fact, actually trying to kill you? >.>
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Level-locking the first mission at 54 is just wrong: anyone trying this below 50 is going to get greased. I'd recommend toning it down so people will actually play through it and read the good writing, instead of getting frustrated and quitting.
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You've reminded me of something I had forgotten, that will hopefully fix the issue... although I am sad to lose the Cataphract; the WTF-factor of fighting your way through a warehouseful of Council 'bots and running face-first into that big red-and-white bugger is classic
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I'd recommend toning it down so people will actually play through it and read the good writing, instead of getting frustrated and quitting.
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Noted and appreciated. Although the solo-UNfriendly label remains, because there is always going to be a certain level of challenge to it without rewriting the whole thing.
EDIT- Alrighty, bit of editing happening- Small Fears now has the kids begging you to lead them out and not leave them alone so that the escort at least makes clear story sense.
How to Survive a Robot Uprising has been cleaned up- the arcs no longer lock in at 54 for the first mission, the dialogue clues are more plainly worded (for example, the contact now flat-out tells you that you should probably avoid the Malta fights... although they're rather fun to watch ), and some of the dialogue troubles are cleaned up, I think. I didn't change the PPD 'bot bosses; I still believe them to be a reasonable challenge without being too over the top.
If you want to put How to Survive a Robot Uprising back into the queue to take a look and see if it's improved or not, I certainly wouldn't mind- the arc number is still 12669.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Arc #1033, "The Wool Over One's Eyes"
tl;dr: 1 star. Offenses: surprise timed mission, clear-alls on large maps, throws the Idiot Ball
Charles Psion, a self-described freelancer who does "a bit here and there, for the profit", wants you to clear out a office full of Freakshow. After you accept you find out that it's a one-hour timed mission and there's an artifact his client wants recovered. The safe the artifact is supposed to be in, though, only triggers an alarm and ambush, and the Freaks talk as though they've been "set up". Psion doesn't offer any explaination for this, doesn't even address it, which implies that you're going to be passed the Idiot Ball.
The second mission is much like the first. This time a warehouse scheduled for demolition needs to have some Fifth Column cleared out of it and some crates have to be destroyed. Why do they need to be destroyed if the building is going to be blown up? No time limit on this one. Again, the objective is a dud as the crates are empty, and the 5th complain that they've been set up. (There are some Council fighting them too, but I never actually saw them, only heard them.) You can pretty much see Psion dribbling the Idiot Ball at this point.
Last map is another warehouse, this time you are to clear it out (enemy unspecified) and seize a weapon shipment. You're also told there's a hostage on the premises. The weapons turn out to be holograms. The warehouse has Freaks and 5th on it, fighting each other. The hostage is implied to be Amanda Vines, which puts her a little outside her usual bailiwick, but at this point that's the least of the offenses. At least she's not an escort. A few Council ambushes get triggered along the way. Like most clear-alls on large maps, it ended with me grovelling over the map looking for the last mob wedged into the geometry someplace. In the final debriefing, Psion tells you you've "proven a wonderful distraction"...and here's your complimentary Idiot Ball.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Since my arc wasn't in your queue I resubmit it, with a number: #1152 - The Doctor Returns.
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
Thoughtful and interestng reviews. I look forward to reading more.
I'll submit my own, in the hope that you cutting it up as it likely deserves will garner it some advertising!
#1285 Training Day
When one of Det. Morgan's men is taken hostage by an arms dealer turned mad scientist, a new threat to humanity emerges from the aftermath in the form of a new and dangerous weapon wielded by a madman with the powers of a deity.
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Arc #1033, "The Wool Over One's Eyes"
tl;dr: 1 star. Offenses: surprise timed mission, clear-alls on large maps, throws the Idiot Ball
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Though I'm quite certain that I know what Kevin Spacey's Character is talking about in The Ref now in regards to the Restaurant Guide of New York, I'm curious on the term "Idiot Ball" in regards to this review 
This was created as a helpful tool for anyone who needed tickets, and wanted to have a semi meaningful experience aside from "Hey look a map of minions go and complete". It holds no massively roadblocking types of enemies, nor custom mobs that will eat your face off within 500 feet. In fact it contains two popular mobs from what I understand of quickies. Freaks and 5th. (I chose 5th since we hadn't seen them in a while save one encounter in game)
Whats going on during the entire process is you are running a distraction for whatever the villain is doing in the meantime. Perhaps I need to spell this out, I was hoping people would be able to pick up on that. I will have to revise this, I've already got that in my notes after reading this.
Secondary objectives of this were to show the many wonderful things you could throw into any mission, to do so and make it useful to people wanting a small badge run too, I placed them on somewhat larger maps. I didn't think the size of the map was an issue in this case. Again, in my notes to fix.
The missions are left unclear for the most part as since the plot suggests you are in the dark and simply a hired hand at this point, then you wouldn't need the details. The pop ups indicate this as well. I was trying to go for a middle feeling between "OMG Save the day!" and "Muhahahaha". It appears I've failed. I've made a correction form for that in my notes.
You won't always know the entire story behind everything, and that is the main reason I've left a lot of it in the dark. We still don't know the entire reason behind the MA to begin with or the ITF's impact. The player is left to their own conclusions if they care, on whats going on. It's implied that these groups have been led here under false pretense, and then someone has come to keep them busy once they are there. I'm a bit frustrated that isn't apparent.
I thank you for taking the time to rate me however as always! ^_^
Regards,
-C.A.
The Idiot Ball is a reference to the idea that it's an object that confers stupidity on the person holding it and they will, periodically, pass it to other people, as if it were a sporting event. Typically, if your story requires a character act like an idiot for any length of time, but then break out into fits of intelligence while someone else stands around acting like an idiot, you've shown someone passing the idiot ball to someone else.
Never. Ever. Ever. Make the player hold an idiot ball. The player is a protaganist. It is not fun to be told you're a retard. Especially if you agreed to go along with someone else. Making a story that makes the player the idiot is not only not very useful storytelling it's self-aggrandizing as a writer in the most pathetic fashion possible.
NPCs holding the idiot ball is unrealistic; people should be consistant in their behaviour and reliable. But at least passing the idiot ball around amongst NPCs doesn't make the player feel like they travelled a distance and did some work just so you could call them a moron at the end of it.
Okay, just finished up my second arc, and I can say with confidence that this one is FAR better then "The Final Nemesis"
The Descender
Arc ID:33034
Length:Very Long
Morality: Villainous
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains collection, Patrol, Battle, Defeat all.
Mission 2: Small size map, level range 5-54. Contains collection.
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 25-31. Contains Boss, Patrol, Ally, Battle.
Mission 4:Unique map, level range 25-31. contains Boss, Ally, Battle (a whopping 89 battles at that)
Mission 5: Unique map, level range 45-54. Contains boss, Collection, Ally.
Enemy Groups: Circle of Thorns, Custom Group, Arachnos, Coralax.
Description: Deep beneath the sea, a race more ancient than the dinosaurs has lurked for eons. Now, enslave this race, and use its power to rule both land and sea!
Venture, you're the kind of reviewer I'd love to get to look at my stuff, but I know you're so absolutely backlogged now that I'd feel like a heel asking you to review mine.
So instead, when you have some actual downtime, please send me a PM and let me know and I'll send you my two arcs.
Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite
Dark_Respite's Farewell Video: "One Last Day"
THE COURSE OF SUPERHERO ROMANCE CONTINUES!
Book I: A Tale of Nerd Flirting! ~*~ Book II: Courtship and Crime Fighting - Chap Nine live!
MA Arcs - 3430: Hell Hath No Fury / 3515: Positron Gets Some / 6600: Dyne of the Times / 351572: For All the Wrong Reasons
378944: Too Clever by Half / 459581: Kill or Cure / 551680: Clerical Errors (NEW!)
THE COURSE OF SUPERHERO ROMANCE CONTINUES!
Book I: A Tale of Nerd Flirting! ~*~ Book II: Courtship and Crime Fighting - Chap Nine live!
MA Arcs - 3430: Hell Hath No Fury / 3515: Positron Gets Some / 6600: Dyne of the Times / 351572: For All the Wrong Reasons
378944: Too Clever by Half / 459581: Kill or Cure / 551680: Clerical Errors (NEW!)
THE COMPLAINING: One of the vices of using established characters in this game is that you run the risk of putting words in their mouths that aren't really the way they'd say them. This is especially true of memorable characters like The Wretch and Fusionette or yes, Mako.
This arc's biggest vice is that Mako speaks nothing like Mako. He's got some good lines, but they're not Mako's lines. They're the kind of line you get from someone writing almost a generic badass. These lines could come well from someone - but not from Mako.
The whole of Not-Mako's plan seems fairly familiar - I mean, it's basically the Leviathan. Something to consider is that Mako already tried this plot and had no problems lying then and lied, in fact, very well by being honest with the player, so Not-Mako being a bad liar is a bit transluscent.
There is (almost) no good reason for a Defeat All.
There's also some grammar issues (its/it's, run-on sentences, bad use of punctuation). No need for .s at the end of mission objectives.
Why do the Virtea have horns and wings as underwater species? Not that they're bad, I suppose, but it doesn't seem right to me and it feels kinda 'weird for the sake of it.' Their face and eyes and smooth bodies work well, though.
The prophecy itself is bad. It's just very generic, there's none of the eldritch creep that makes such things potent, that shake people as people. It'd be like reading a prophecy of 'And lo, Edgar went down to the store for some milk and eggs, but returned home to realise he had forgotten the eggs.'
Not-Mako doesn't appear to double check anything you say or do. 'Crazy Zappy Guns' indeed... that's not Mako. It really, really isn't Mako. Eisenzahn could regale you in proper Mako-ology, I think.
Why did mish 3 downlevel you?
I was honestly glad for Mish 3 since it meant I didn't have to hear Not-Mako talking. Though I find myself wondering why I waited until after Mish 2's not-briefing with Not-Mako to not-do what Not-Mako didn't not-tell me to do. I think. Either way, if Mako is just there to instigate and send you out on the arc, why do you need the Malta mention in Mish 2? Not-Mako becomes more and more stupid as the plot goes on, his dialogue degenerating further and further. If anyone holds an idiot ball in this plot, it's Not-Mako.
Thanks to a crash, and my bed time, I've actually not finished the last mission, which is probably for the best since it just isn't as much fun after running around footstomping big gangs of guys to spend my time single-targeting my way through three copies of one Elite Boss who I already killed. There has got to be a better, more interesting application in this final mission. Might I suggest using a custom enemy to create a huge model, aura-laden creature that represents the Leviathan's senses? Such a vast creature would not be able to look and react in time to the scale of us, so maybe it has magical 'feelers', represented by individuals.
My main reason for wanting that is it means the level-gated Calystix doesn't have to show up. I beat his [censored] down when I was level 25, if I'm fighting for Mako himself, I would rather move on to something relatively new.
THAT SAID, THOUGH: There are some good ideas in this arc! First and foremost, it's very nice when the story lets you completely ignore the mission you're assigned by Not-Mako to go study the stuff you WANT to study (though that leads to its own problems later on).
The war between the Virteans and the Corollax was fun! The boss-level Virts look pretty good, though the fourth mission in the arc really did feel like swatting a fly with a sledgehammer. With three bosses, no real encounters and a gang of yellow Corolax to fight, it was a bit of a walk.
There are also nice touches in the incidental dialgoue. Things like 'you hate this city,' and 'these books look interesting,' are good despite the fact they presume on the player. They're good because they're non-offensive ways to cast some character on the event, and therefore, give the player reason to consider what their character would do or think differently. I know my reaction to the hatred of Oranbega was amusement - I find the city a lot of fun and don't have the same hate-on for it you folk seem to.
Destroyed St Martial was a very nice use of an old map. Once again, my high-level character got dragged down, which feels remarkably inconsistant and honestly, a little stupid. I'm weaker at the end of the arc than I am at the start? Surely I'm not alone in thinking it ridiculous.
SO AS I WAS SAYING: Overall, the arc has a clear authorial voice, which is unfortunately, the voice of a decent author. The first mark of an author coming into his own is that he will often make every character the author likes speak like a smart-aleck fourteen-year-old boy. This arc reads like it's narrated by same. Mako sounds like same.
Fix up the voice of Mako, tighten up the writing in general, make the whole arc for a corolax-particular level range (even if that means using some lower-level Arachnos flunky to assign the mission, like, say, Barracuda), and clean up the Virtean designs and I think you'd have a real corker of an arc.
A would-be competent arc that schizophrenically tries to do vast things and eschews internal consistancy and the characters of the canon, it's a good idea with some nice tropes that fail to live up to the standards the arc sets.
Two stars, but I would eagerly await seeing any revisions to be made. The writer obviously has good ideas but lacks in the workhorse ways to make those dreams reality. A good editor could really help*.
* Not a good editor**.
** Not volunteering anyway.
I'd be interested in any reviews of the arcs I have up right now, which are:
The Legacy of Joe, the Longbow Eagle
Arc ID - 1009
(PLEASE NOTE: There are a few errors in Joe which I'm aware of, however I can't edit them due to being locked out of it from Dev Choice)
The Mind of a Villain
Arc ID 8774
Episode 3 - Business of a Hero
Arc ID 8787
Episode 4 - Faith in the Family
Arc ID 8795
Fearghas' Story Arcs! Action! Adventure! Danger! Romance? No romance!
Search Fearghas in MA to find any of my story arcs!
Check out my final arc, Episode 18, Salvation!
Replies to a few points:
Also, it seemed a bit weird to me, after some thought, to essentially pat the kids on the head and tell them 'okay, toddle along now, I'm sure you'll be fine running all alone through the demon-infested remains of your school'.
I think most people take it as read that rescued hostages take the route you cleared to leave, or that you "really" escorted them out, or they hide in a closet or something. The point is not making the player grovel over the tedious parts. Kind of like how the game doesn't make your character go to the bathroom every few hours.
Also, the 'little' kids are more than six feet tall
They were minimum-size models for me, until they changed to the less-human versions on the last map.
Not quite what I intended. If I could have the Cataphract at 50, I would.
I understand the frustration but you've got to play it as it lays. If what you want to do doesn't work or only works pathologically then it doesn't matter how cool it would be if it did work. It's got to go. Kill your darlings.
It's a reference to the Rogue Robots mini-arc you can get from either Merisel Valenzuela or Allison King in the early thirties in 'canon' CoH.
I remember the arc. I said it was a nit.
Actually, they're what I use when I don't have a plot reason for someone to be there beyond 'I need an ally for difficulty reasons'.
I didn't grade off for them because they weren't Mary Sues or even close, but difficulty is not a reason to include an ally...it's a reason to reduce the difficulty.
Ooookay, apparently the dialogue on that one was problematic- I thought I'd made it explicit in the introductory text that you just have to kill a destructible object, but you're not the only one to misinterpret what's said.
No, I got that, it just doesn't change the fact that there was a gang of three or four Zeus Titans every couple of feet. If the player can't finesse it somehow he's going to get splattered.
Also, (and I know I spelled this out in the dialogue) you only have to kill the named boss.
Again, I get it, but there's still two or three Bosses standing next to him.
.. you didn't read the mission souvenir, did you?
No, I didn't, it was late and I forgot to check for one. I would have docked you another star if I had. The Usual Suspects Ending is not appropriate for this format. It's too easy. The player has no choice but to take the Contact at face value, especially when, as /Hide does, he profers bonafides (the Crimson reference).
Which might suggest that I am not, in fact, actually trying to kill you?
No, it just says that you failed. I'm using a fairly extreme build (Venture/Virtue, my main...click the Virtuvian for the build, which is not a wish list, that's what he has) so there hasn't been too much in MA arcs I couldn't handle. (I usually use Starfall to test my own stuff.)
Though I'm quite certain that I know what Kevin Spacey's Character is talking about in The Ref now in regards to the Restaurant Guide of New York, I'm curious on the term "Idiot Ball" in regards to this review.
Idiot Ball. Any time I use a phrase in caps like that, search TVTropes for it (like the earlier reference to The Usual Suspects Ending).
Whats going on during the entire process is you are running a distraction for whatever the villain is doing in the meantime. Perhaps I need to spell this out, I was hoping people would be able to pick up on that.
No, we got it. That's the problem. The player is an obvious dupe. As Talen says, you never do this to the player.
You won't always know the entire story behind everything
This is almost always done poorly. Doing it in an interactive format like this is a near-certain recipe for a bad reaction. People do not like feeling like they've been played.
We still don't know the entire reason behind the MA to begin with or the ITF's impact.
And if you may have noticed, an awful lot of players don't like either fact. The devs make mistakes too. The "professional" arcs are rife with Mary Sues, Idiot Balls/Plots, a few Wall Bangers and other pathological tropes. Don't assume that just because they did something it's OK for you to do it too.
Venture, you're the kind of reviewer I'd love to get to look at my stuff, but I know you're so absolutely backlogged now that I'd feel like a heel asking you to review mine.
I'm going to be running lots of player arcs whether I'm reviewing or not. Feel free to ask me to run yours, just post the numbers here or PM me. I'm not going to give myself carpal tunnel or spend my whole life running arc, I promise.
Also, while I'll be posting my reviews here exclusively, at least for now, I don't claim to "own" the thread. If someone else wants to add reviews, jump in.
Finally, the current queue: 2085, 9590, 9584, 1462, 1684, 5898, 2007, 7780, 1034, 1297, 14826, 20696, 6999, 1472, 2180, 16108, 1152, 33034, 12609, 1285, 1009, 8774, 8787, 8795
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Venture I'd be interested to see what you think of my 2 arcs, but I know you are swamped right now.. so whenever you get a chance- I'd appreciate it.
#12798 "It does a Body Good?" (hero)
#16338 "Neutrality & Brutality" (villain)
"Well, there's going to be some light music and a short note of apology saying, 'The universe ended last week, we're really sorry, we don't know what you're doing here, didn't you get the message?'"- Steve Moffat
Arc #1992, "A Hero's Halo"
tl;dr: 4 stars. Offenses: problematic mob
Powerthrust, whom I take to be the author's character (and really not, um, well-named, for Virtue anyway....) wants your help in figuring out where his halo came from. The author has a note explaining this in the initial briefing. He sends you to talk to another character who suddenly obtained a halo, Catscratch Fevah, who is off fighting a Praetorian incursion. The mission pop-up asks why the people you need to talk to always find their way into combat just when you need them, something I'm sure we've all wondered.... When you find her, the Praetorians (Marauder's boys) are mocking her for being a catgirl..."Stupid cat mongrel! We get enough of you back home!" Which, of course, they do. After cleaning up the mess, Catscratch tells you her supergroup mates noticed the halo while she was on the ski slopes at the chalet last winter. Powerthrust gets the same story from other heroes he's talked to.
After a conversation with Tina Macintyre, he found that the halos are made from a metal common to the Shard, and they're sending and receiving some kind of signal from there. They've traced to signal to several spots, one of which you're sent to investigate. You're supposed to find three signal sources. The first thing I found was "Screaming Weenie", a Fire/Sonic Boss, whose /info makes you think something isn't right. Next up were "Shortstop", a Mace/something and "Quantum Cowgirl", an Archery/Kinetic, then finally "He Who Watches", a Broadsword/Mind Control. All of these were "reflection" forms.
The result of your investigation is that the halos are part of an "essence-draining network" that is effectively stealing the souls of heroes wearing them. The guys you fought on the second map were the reconstructed versions of the real heroes, now under Rularuu's control. Powerthrust's coalition is mounting an attack on the network, and you and Powerthrust are sent in to take out one of the sites. You're warned up front that some of Paragon's more power heroes may have reflections guarding the site. First one was Z-Spec, a DB/Regen. Powerthrust himself was spawned next, as an LT ally. Unfortunately, his stolen essence was not only an EB, but an Super Strength/Invul, which dropped me in two hits. I was OK with the author insertion until this. I ended up having to use Elude to down the EB. Other hero reflections were Valence Bond (Rad/Rad), Fusionette (battle cry: "Aggro! Rularuu!"), Frozen and Furious (Ice Melee/Icy Armor), and Arcora (Dark Melee/Fiery Aura). In the end, of course, the essense theft is stopped and the halos turned into harmless costume parts.
The arc has a good sense of humor and doesn't have anything too difficult, except for the Powerthrust EB. Super Strength customs are problematic because they get Rage, which gives a long-duration high value buff to ToHit and damage. And of course, lots of people will welcome an opportunity to smash Fusionette's face, though personally I never had a problem with her.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"