When you(as a kinetic) join the team to discover that it is made up of energy blasters and a storm defender, and they expect you to be the main healer.
(That list was pretty thorough. It will take me a few teams to add more, I think 
)
Shae Firewarder
Your Force Field defender gets kicked for not healing
Your Kinetic defender speed boosts the group who run to the next zone and enter without teleporting you to the gate, then ask for "spd plz" while in a different zone.
The one blaster in the group gets mad because your Kinetic Defender is healing the tanks and scrappers all the time and ignoring him as he hovers near the roof.
Your level 7-10 anything gets invited to a group in perez and before you can ask the plan, you get teleported into a hydra fight.
Your scrapper heavy group attacks a group of CoT consisting of 4 energy mages and 6 guards, you rush in with the other 4 scrappers, all of which run when the first mage goes up. As you are running back from the hospital, one says your guy must suck, he dies too fast.
My first short story (detective fiction) came out in Jan-2012. Other stories and books to follow, I hope. Because of "real writing". COH was a big part of that happening.
*sob* This thread is like a big, terrible flashback.
[ QUOTE ]
your team has finally assembled and the controller says, "Wait! First we dance!!"
[/ QUOTE ]
Yup, I've been in too many dance teams.
Visit The DC2 Universe today!
some blaster sets up mines, and INSISTS that you "drag" the mobs over there.
everyone stands too close to the tank in a grenade-happy 5th column mission. then every decides the tank must suck at drawing aggro because everyone died.
while in the middle of a large mission the defender decides that he must go to Icon right away to change from dark red pattern to a slightly lighter red pattern. Admits its his 7th time modifying his costume and he asks for influence to buy some DOs.
One teammate decides to cleary spell out the options (i.e. lvl x door in zone A, lvl x door in zone B, hunt 15 whatevers in zone C). Nobody cares, so the team sits around for 20 minutes.
Then, someone says "Back. What are we doing?" Someone else starts leaping up and down like a crazed rabbit.
While hunting packs in a hazard zone the team's defender / controller / tanks asks for an end break. The fireblaster proceeds to run off and AoE the biggest pack of reds he can find. Winds up with red health, and starts screaming for heals. Shortly thereafter, he'll level and run off without saying anything to go train and add another 2 slots to hover.
The scrapper you picked up hasn't yet put any slots into his attacks or his secondary's defenses, but he does have Hover and Aid Other 6-slotted.
Teammate zones into the mission and then goes afk without telling anyone.
Leader invites a team member who is 3 levels higher than everyone else then wants to do their mission cause it's bigger XP. You zone into the mission to find a sea of red and purple. Debt insues.
Conversely, you're street hunting with a partner who is about your same level and they keep attacking packs of greens and greys while ignoring the whites and yellows.
One teammate repeatedly asks "Do you think people are dancing in Atlas? We should go see."
Team leader refers to you as an anything-bot (provoke-bot, heal-bot) or meatshield.
Street hunting or in a mission where there are many packs close together. Team defeats one pack, the leader moves forward 10 feet and says "here".
Any my personal favorite -
Someone on the team lols at everything. Sometimes they lol at their own lols, or just write lolz. Sometimes you can make fun of them, and they'll lol.
You: "When we enter into the next room, let's focus on taking out stunners first this time so we don't all get held."
Them: lolz. I'll aim for the minion gunner, lol
You: "Well, half the team died last time from being stunned, let's get the stunners first"
Them: lol. n00b. lolz.
You: "Are you retarded?" (not meant as an insult to the mentally handicapped)
Them. LOL LOL LOL !!!!!!!lol111oneone
You: Seriously, what's wrong with you?
Them: Lol lol LOL. Minions are teh suk. I wonder if anyone is dancing in Atlas
And what's with that airline food?
Eh...
I've fallen and I can't get up!
[ QUOTE ]
Any my personal favorite -
Someone on the team lols at everything. Sometimes they lol at their own lols, or just write lolz. Sometimes you can make fun of them, and they'll lol.
You: "When we enter into the next room, let's focus on taking out stunners first this time so we don't all get held."
Them: lolz. I'll aim for the minion gunner, lol
You: "Well, half the team died last time from being stunned, let's get the stunners first"
Them: lol. n00b. lolz.
You: "Are you retarded?" (not meant as an insult to the mentally handicapped)
Them. LOL LOL LOL !!!!!!!lol111oneone
You: Seriously, what's wrong with you?
Them: Lol lol LOL. Minions are teh suk. I wonder if anyone is dancing in Atlas
[/ QUOTE ]
Excellent point 
Also, there's always the healer who invites you to group, spends the twenty minutes extolling how great of a healer she is, then says, "Cmon Mr. Blaster, you can solo this Archvillain, all you need are my buffs!"----
<RA, HA, Fort., Invis.>
Your Target Drone increases your accuracy.
Your Cloaking Device increases your defense.
Your Combat Jumping has increased your defense.
You activate Smoke Grenade.
You Snipe Battle Maiden for 568 points of lethal damage!
Battle Maiden shoots you with her arrow for 560 points of lethal damage!
You take an additional 560 points of damage from the exploding arrow!
You cannot use that power after you have been defeated.
Healer: (and I'm quoting from experience) Hmm, that's never happened before. Oh well.
Healer X has quit the team.
I so love this post. It's so true! I've often found myself running into these situations. I can't really remember any of them at the moment but i know i've had them! Like comparing My Kinetics Defender to Empathic Defender. Being kicked from team when I wasn't a HEALER. I'm glad I don't get on pick up groups much. Thank the gods for my SG.
Blaster level X, tank level X-4, controller X-2, hunting street mobs. Tank won't accept sidekick cause he likes the big xp. Blaster will only attack mobs that are orange and up to him. you spend 3 minutes running past stuff that is green to yellow to find the oranges, then sit for 5 min after to the fight to recover listening to the balster say great XP huh?
You're in a Hydra group.
You're in the hollows and it's not a mission
My first short story (detective fiction) came out in Jan-2012. Other stories and books to follow, I hope. Because of "real writing". COH was a big part of that happening.
If this name is the Leader. Hawks.
That's me. Pickup groups all day and all night. Love em'!
Got a pick-up group invite last night on my newly L18 tanker. First thing on a chat channel: "Tanker! W00t we hit the jackpot!" That is never a good sign. Not surprisingly, everyone but me died when the blasters aggroed two other groups while I was tanking a third.
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[ QUOTE ]
When you(as a kinetic) join the team to discover that it is made up of energy blasters and a storm defender, and they expect you to be the main healer.
[/ QUOTE ]
ROFL... funny because it's so very true.
When a team member dies, and it's *your* fault because you Speed Boosted him, and he couldn't control his toon.
When after Speed Boosting your entire team, you have to keep asking them to 'wait for end', and the leader tells you 'I don't know why you're having such a problem, maybe you should stop blasting so much'.
When you activate Stealth + Superspeed and tell your team, 'gonna scout', only to have half the team follow you right into aggro range of the nearest mob.
When you ask the blaster to pull, and he does so... with Fire Ball.
When your team members get used to the reduced aggro of Group Invis, but ignore your next request for 'Group Hug'... and then wonder why the mobs can see them now.
When the empath sets Heal Aura on auto-cast... and then can't use Heal Other when needed because he's out of endurance.
When playing a controller, grouped with another controller, who uses his Hold on the minions or lts, rather than helping you to Hold the boss.
When playing an illusion or mind controller, and your team always attacks the confused mob first.
When the blaster is getting meleed by a mob, and rather than retreating or immobilizing the mob, stands there Brawling it while screaming 'heal! HEAL!'
...
I'm sure I can think of many more... just give me a few hours in game. 
Heh.
This was a few levels ago - and as a kinetic, I try to keep everyone boosted as much as I can.
So we're doing this freak TF (Clamor I think), and I'm the only defender - but we've been able to do a good job, and I've died maybe 3 times, but almost no one else has.
I have one guy who keeps yelling "speed plz" whenever he runs out... never mind that a lot of the time, I'm healing or waiting for someone to need healing (this is before Transference, so my endurance is at a premium).
So I get killed, and we have no one who can rez - so I go to the hospital. Mission is in Steel Canyon.
I'm flying back from the hospital, and the guy yells out "speed plz".
This pissed me off, because he wasn't paying attention to the fact that I *wasn't in the mission*.
It's one of the reasons why "speed plz" macros will piss me off more than just about anything as a kinetic.
Currently: 50s (5), 40s (3), 30s (5)
Red and blue side, mostly Infinity, Virtue, and Freedom.
When you get invited to a lv 16 group, and the leader yells out "Meet me at mission! be right there!" Then proceeds to ignore requests to actually put up which mission, and then ignores requests to switch leaders to one of us more qualified recipients. bleh, i hate that.
I personally am responcibile with this next one:
Me - Scrapper 30
Friend 1 - Controller 28
Friend 2 - Blaster 29
TRICK OR TREATING:
Friend 1 and 2 hit same door by mistake - 2 "TRICK" spawns (2 witches, 1 zombie, 1 Vamp lord). Me (scrapper) says "Lets make this interesting" - click on door to spawn a werewolf and zombie. Chaos ensues. Hehehehe!
Tanker-less group of 1-2 blasters/ 1-2 scrappers/ misc. defenders and controllers. (numbers vary every 30minutes)
Blaster: Hey scrapper, pull one of that mob (5th Col. in B-Town)
Scrapper: Um, with what? (doesn't have provoke, taunt or range weaponry)(says varius things on his side of keyboard)
Blaster (silent)
Scrapper responds with equivalent of "Hey Y'all, watch this!" and proceeds to wade in swinging sword.
.. if a person keeps saying "sk plz" even after repeatedly being told no one is capable of doing it, throughout the entire mission. Said person then charges multiple times into the middle of a pack, each time almost, and sometimes, dying (the person in question was a blaster).
***
[Tell] Cont : r u healr?
[Tell] Me : I can heal to a certain extent, but if you pay attention to what I say, we wont even need much healing.
[Tell] Cont : wwwwwwwwssssssssssssdd
[Tell] Cont : lol, ok
[Team] Me : Hey, wait up. You guys know about anchors?
[Team] Me : Ok, its the enemy I hook my power on to. Since it takes a while for the power to recycle, its best save that enemy till last. With that power up, they'll barely hit us, and if they do, for less. You got me?
[Team] Cont : k, I know, just didnt know the name for it
[Team] Scrap : ok
[Team] Blast : sure
The first fight begins.
[Team] Me : Stop hitting the Anchor!
Minion is killed. We barely survive.
[Team] Scrap/Blast : sorry, didnt know which it was
[Team] Cont : lolz
[Team] Me : Its the one with the large cloud at its feet.
[Team] All : Ok
We head up to the next group and the exact same thing occurs, plus some deaths.
Me has quit the team.
You can't really defend those who don't want to be defended.
Ok, that was my pickup team gripe. (Yes I know I am a long winded arrogant person )
Straff to the left!
[ QUOTE ]
.. if a person keeps saying "sk plz" even after repeatedly being told no one is capable of doing it, throughout the entire mission. Said person then charges multiple times into the middle of a pack, each time almost, and sometimes, dying (the person in question was a blaster).
***
[Tell] Cont : r u healr?
[Tell] Me : I can heal to a certain extent, but if you pay attention to what I say, we wont even need much healing.
[Tell] Cont : wwwwwwwwssssssssssssdd
[Tell] Cont : lol, ok
[Team] Me : Hey, wait up. You guys know about anchors?
[Team] Me : Ok, its the enemy I hook my power on to. Since it takes a while for the power to recycle, its best save that enemy till last. With that power up, they'll barely hit us, and if they do, for less. You got me?
[Team] Cont : k, I know, just didnt know the name for it
[Team] Scrap : ok
[Team] Blast : sure
The first fight begins.
[Team] Me : Stop hitting the Anchor!
Minion is killed. We barely survive.
[Team] Scrap/Blast : sorry, didnt know which it was
[Team] Cont : lolz
[Team] Me : Its the one with the large cloud at its feet.
[Team] All : Ok
We head up to the next group and the exact same thing occurs, plus some deaths.
Me has quit the team.
You can't really defend those who don't want to be defended.
Ok, that was my pickup team gripe. (Yes I know I am a long winded arrogant person )
[/ QUOTE ]
Ok, since I soloed almost 100% to 20, I would probably end up being many of these idiots. In an attempt to avoid that beginning now: What is an anchor? I think I may know, but I don't wanna sound like a fool.
Since we haven't had one of these threads in awhile:
You know you're in a pick-up group when...
you easily avoided the mobs on the way to the mission door. And while you wait, you notice your teammates life bars slowly draining usually accompanied by calls of "HELP!" and "wwwwwwwwwwssssssssssssssssdddddddddddd"
your force fielder starts each battle by switching on his personal force field, then saying "Ready!."
your blaster teammate dies alone somewhere on the other side of the mission then exclaims "You guys, suck" and quits.
one team member constantly expresses his desire to split the team up inside a near impossible 8-hero mission because "It'll go faster"
after 5 minutes of retreating, you realize that the defender forgot to switch off the anchor toggle power.
one team member says "Ok, I gotta go to work, be back in 4 hours." Then proceeds to sit somewhere AFK, and the leader does not kick them.
the tank totally ignores the battle raging around him to start his giddy game of "Find the next glowy"
each mission is followed by a 30-minute heated debate on proper tactics, as well as the useless pissing contest of how many high level alts they have and time spent in beta.
the leader invites some random hero too high for the team. The high hero then says "Wow, I'm way to l33t for you guys. Come follow me, I'll powerlevel you. Exemplar is teh weak"
you cautiously elect to prompt for teleports before you join. The the leader then screams at you because he can't port you, shortly before kicking you.
one team member draws way to much aggro causing the entire group to die. He then says (as his first words since joining the team), "and that's why I don't play in 8-man teams." He then quits.
you constantly have to remind your buffers to refill the shields, speed boosts, acc. metabolism, etc. Guess those handy little icons and your group dying around you wasn't notice enough.
the leader, a blaster, is the only one taking on the boss. After a few deaths, he asks the other blasters, scrapper, and tank why they keep focusing on the minions instead of helping him with the bosses. The blasters answer, "We don't want to draw any aggro." The scrapper says, "I don't care what it is, the closest to me, dies." The tank, "There was a boss?!?"
good tactics and power combinations are keeping everyone from taking any damage at all. Yet your healer constantly fires healing aura for no real reason and demands that everyone stay close.
your leader aggros a ton of villans, in mission, then runs back through your group, on the way to the door. Saying, "BRB I forgot to train"
the radiation hero throws a fit because she anchors the boss first everytime and the team continues to kill the anchor first.
you spend 30-minutes deciding what mission to do.
the blaster team leader tells the team to wait on the caltrops before they attack. After caltrops is fired, the scrappers instantly run past the caltrops into the approaching enemies.
the group leader assembles the team then makes someone random the leader saying "I don't like leading. You do it."
a teammember receives an unexpected speed boost and rockets to the other side of the mission and certain death.
your team has finally assembled and the controller says, "Wait! First we dance!!"
you, a dark/dark defender is invited to an established team and greeted by the calls of "A healer!! YAY!! Time to work off this debt. This mission is soooo going down. Sixth time's the charm!"
a scrapper is teamed with three kinetic controllers and says "Man, we need a healer."
you're leading a team and people say "We need (archetype X)" as if you can snap your fingers and magically produce that hero on demand.
while in Faultline, the superspeeder spams "Port me out now!!" when no one has recall friend.
a hero slots straight damage enhancements and has sprint on 100% of the time, then demands the group stop every 20 seconds for his end.
you find yourself the highest member of a Positron TF team made up of lvl 12 blasters and a storm defender.
the provoking tank grabs the aggro from a hazard zone group and his teammates proceed to attack a totally different group.
a new arrival from another zone asks "Where are you guys?" after you told him three times. He then quits in frustration.
you just killed the first batch of enemies in a mission, and the controller says, "Crap, BRB, gotta sell"
you have a total group wipeout except for the defender who later says "Sorry, I went AFK, what I miss?"
you join your new group and greet everyone and the group leader says, "Mission in King's, get down here now, heal-bot!"
you ask your new team what they are doing and they answer, "Working on the debt badge!"
you join a team in Skyway who has spent the last hour looking for Babbage.
you join a team fighting in the Rularuu invasion and the leader explains how they work in shifts. Four fight while the other four regroup at the hospital.
the tank joins the group and explains how he needs to stay close to hold aggro, meanwhile the earth controller constantly centers the Earthquake/Repulsion Field/Repulsion Bomb on the tanker "to protect him."
you confront your scrapper for continually breaking sleep mezzes and he reveals that he thought they were meditating to power up.
seven heroes in the group die in a mission near the hospital. The empath then sits a boombox in the middle of the corpses while saying, "Stay put, rezz will be up soon."
the tank gets angry at the group and exclaims, "Stop shooting the boss, he's MY enemy!!!"
your team just finished a tough lvl 30 mission and the one team member still inside asks, "How'd you guys get out so fast?"
half your team is made up of high school kids home sick from school.
your empath auto-follows the tank, but does nothing. When the leader asks why, she says, "I only heal. I'm reading a book until you guys need me."
you are fighting a massive crowd of 5th Column and your teammate has a bind that says "Don't kill the Nacht Fist! He's the anchor!"
the leader of a scrapper heavy team invites a kinetic defender named "Repel Bunny."
you invite a force field defender and he says, "Hi, thanks for the invite. My fee is one SO per hour."
you join a Positron TF group and the leader says, "Ok, guys, get to it. I don't have a travel power so I'll hang here with Positron."
your teammember vicously demands full participation for each aura power. "HUG!!! HUG NOW DAMMIT!!"
after taking a peak at the enemy levels inside the team mission, you sneak into a corner and log off.
three people in your Boomtown team gained a new level. Then all three proceed to go see Ms. Liberty to train.
you are invited to a respec team that contains six different levels.
bossy teammates keep yelling at the tanker to refill his radiation shield in the respec mission, totally oblivious to the fact that his HP bar isn't going down at all.
after finishing the respec task force, one of your team members screams, "NO!!!! I took the range SO by mistake!!!!!!"
one of your teammates says to the group, "Wait here, I'll scout. Port me when I die."
you finally find a tank to join the group and he says "Don't SK, it's better exp for me."
yours and another team hits a hazard zone group at roughly the same time. Your leader then spends the next 20 minutes traveling from zone to zone, broadcasting the names of the other team and labeling them kill stealers.
your teammate just got to an odd level while fighting with you deep inside the sewer network. He turns to you and says, "Sweet, just got level. See you topside," before running headfirst into the nearest group of purple Lost.
-------
Ah! The joys of pick-ups. Feel free to add more.