The you kill me, I kill you...(and so on) thread!
By
Abalest,
Posted on: 2004-06-26 06:41 in Roleplaying
[ QUOTE ]
Einstien after respawning from the dreaded killer wind comes up with a crazy idia.
He quikly grabed a pistol put it point blank to his hand and fired. "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! The pain oh crap agh aaaaahhhhh!!!!! AAAAGHGHHAAA!!! MY HAND! MY HAND! THE PAIN!!! WHY AM I SO CURIOUS!?! WHY?!!!?? AHHHHGGG MY HAND!!! MY HAAAAAAAAAAAND!! I HAD TO KNOW IT WAS IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!!!! BUT WHY DID I HAVE TO DO IT?!?" This had no meaning or point but he did kill many skin cells on his hand.
[/ QUOTE ]
Einstein's skin cells come back in a B horror movie and stalk him and his family until the third part of the trilogy, when he is finally devoured by the undead and becomes one of them. A spin-off cartoon about his wacky adventures eating "brainy snacks" and solving mysteries follows.
Immortal walks into the thread, expecting that his former post's self has already been eliminated, considering the time that has passed.
But the thread is empty, and a cruel wind blows. Immortal's eyes squint behind his jet black sunglasses.
"I'm here. I'm here...somewhere..."
There is a footstep off in the distance, slightly padded by the stealth suit Immortal knows so well...then the familiar sound of a bullet exiting a chamber.
Immortal drops to the floor, and rolls without hesitation, a trail of smoking bullet-holes in his wake. High above, on top of a rather new-looking office building, Immortal grins with the sort of pleasure a spider gets slowly entangling a fly. He exposes a set of almost unnaturally straight teeth, save for two of them, two elongated teeth, with sharp, gleaming points.
With a flourish, Immortal drops his high-powered rifle, and leaps from the rooftop. Down below, Immortal looks up from behind a dumpster that he was using for cover. He observes as Immortal lands the 50 foot drop as if he were stepping from one stair to the next. He grits his fanged teeth, and pulls out two automated pistols. Immortal stops dead, and listens. He can hear the sound of a gun being drawn for a mile. He turns toward a nearby alleyway, and stares evilly at a dumpster within.
Before he can act, though, a fleet of bullets pierce the thin metal layers of the dumpster, and fly through space in his direction. He leaps up 20 feet into the air, evading the projectiles' courses by seconds, and observes his hiding foe, who looks up and finally meets eyes with his adversary.
Immortal stares at Immortal as if he were simply an old mirror needing to be broken.
Immortal lands into a tuck and roll that gracefully turns into a powerful leap. He grabs Immortal around the chest, and tackles him into a brick wall. Their combined weight mixed with Immortal's unnatural strength is more than enough for the bonds between the bricks to give way. The wall crumbles around them as they travel through the air, finally landing on an uninhabited desk.
It collapses underneath the fighters, and immediately the place breaks out into panic. The customers immediately fall to the floor or rush out the entrance. All the workers tremble in fright, and look around frantically for those Luck inspirations they stocked up on when an entire supergroup got knocked out right in front of the bank last week. Immortal shakes himself off, and looks to Immortal, laying next to him.
"This has gone on long enough."
Immortal scoffs.
"Fine."
With lightning fast reflexes rivaling the speed of light, they both bring their hands up through the air and aim their pistols at eachothers' heads. The cool feel of the metal barrel up against his forehead is all too familiar to Immortal. Blood trickles down his pale skin, and down to his mouth. He licks it from his lips and grins in delight.
"I wonder if yours tastes like mine?"
Immortal scours.
"Just try it, bi--"
Before either of them can continue, though, a large Tank wearing a futuristic tech-suit and a dopey insigna on his chest falls through the roof, killing them both. He dusts himself off, and super-jumps away, creating another hole in the roof. Two of the bankers look to eachother.
"Did you understand that post?"
"Not really. But it sort of reminded me of every action movie I don't like."
"Really? I thought the dialogue was rather witty."
"Well, I'll give you that. The writing wasn't bad."
"Enh. Anyway. I think we better get back to work so the post can end."
"Good call. So you goin' to Fred's house on--"
"Shh!"
"Oh, yeah, right."
End.
just then prisoner *********** from the asylum walks into the bank kills both the tellers with exacto knives angry because he was ignored in his last post then leaves to find fat dumb tanker who squeshed the immortal twins to carry out revenge on the world that wont recognize him 
NPG walk into the bank & step on prisoner ***********. He says sorry but prisoner *********** gone berserk & try to stab him with the "exacto knives angry".
A mob of reporters ran them over, killing them both.
p.s. All praise Rhino, wherever he is. 
Einstien desides that he has lived for too long so he climbes the tallest mountain in the world and jumps off.
20 miles
15 miles
9 miles
1 mile
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! OH CRAP!!!! MY SPINE MY SPINE!!!!!!! A CRAZY MAN LANDED ON MY SPINE!!!!!!!" Einstien stands back up crushing the pore pedestrian with this final movement. "Damn I am soooooooo sore. Good thing that pedestrian broke my fall I was having second thoughts about jumping!" Einstien then walkes off in the distance and walkes over the horizon and out of sight.
"I believ I smell some gass. Its soo yummy!"
Immortal organizes a sacrificial ritual in tribute to Rhino, thread-god. He doesn't have anything to sacrifice, so he grabs Einstein. Einstein falls into the volcano, and the volcano spits him out in disgust. The volcano dies three weeks later of violent food poisoning.
A man with white skin and red clown makeup, dressed in his baggy, yellow costume, shakes his red afro. "Tisk tisk," he says. "This is no way to kill anyone!!" He turns around and grabs a rifle. After Shooting the Mad Cowman (humanely) in the head, he proceedes to gut, skin, butcher and then grind the meat into patties.
"Here!!! Have a delicious, deep fried (Elvis style) triple quarter pounder with bacon and extra cheese, and a super duper order of golden fried arched fries with an ice-cold caffiene laden Jumpstart Cola!"
Immortal and Experiment are unable to resist the delicious odor, and begin to stuff their faces with the food. Half way through, each gets a sharp pain in their left arms as their cardiac arteries clog.
Donald McRonald cackles in evil glee, watching his subjects turn purple, clenching their left hands in pain as each has a massive coranary and dies.
Einstien finaly waking from his stuper brushes some molten magma from his shoulder and desides that he is very hungry. Hmmm I think I will stop by McRonald's and have a few burgers. Then he sees Immortal and Expirament dead on the floor.
McRonald you are going DOWN!!! "SUPER EINSTIEN POWER!!!!" Einstien shouts this as he grows 20X his sizes and sprouts cannones from his shoulders. Then McRonald shouts out "SUPER HAPPY MEEEAAAAALLLL!!!!!!" And also growes 20X his size.
Einstien fires his Mega Sciance Cannones tm. from his shoulders and clips the side of McRonald's shoulder. Then Mcronald putes his hands together DBZ stile and shouts "MIGHTY...! KID'S....! MEEEEEEEAAAAALLL!!!" And blasts a yellow glowing burger from his hands and it findes it's way into Einstien's mouth and he collapses from joy. Einstien then scribles something onto a paper and then rips a hole in time and space McRonald is then sucked into the portal and never seen again.
Some say that if you go to the remains of the old McRonald's resturaunt you can still here them fighting...
Immortal goes emo and kills himself.
Nobody understands...
Einstien tired of some of the lame and cheap kills desides that he will do the most creative kill yet...
Einstien walkes over to Immortal's corps. He had killed himself so cheaply. Einstien rips off his arm and begins hitting pedestrians with it shouting "CONGRADULATIONS YOU'VE BIN ARMED!!!!" He then begins hiting cars and lamp posts with Immortal's arm.
Einstien then throwes Immorta's arm on the ground and sets it on fire. Everyone gatheres around the fire and begins singing camp fire songs. While they were singing Einstien starts throwing the unsespecting people into the fire and zaps the fire with his laser gun.
Later that week Einstien has a hankering to do somthing bizzar so he drops a cherry bomb in a portapody and watches as the unsespecting victom uses the tainted portipody... BOOOM!!!! An explosion of things that you may see in a portipody and flesh.
Einstien brewes some tea... He sips the tea... It was very good tea...
Dragon walks into the thread wondering how this thread came into being....with out him being told
and what happed to the guy....rhyno i think,who started the first Kill thread?
oh i almost forgot
Einstien gets run over by a bus of nuns
[ QUOTE ]
Dragon walks into the thread wondering how this thread came into being....with out him being told
and what happed to the guy....rhyno i think,who started the first Kill thread?
oh i almost forgot
Einstien gets run over by a bus of nuns
[/ QUOTE ]
Rhyno's angry ghost scares Dragon off a cliff, into a vat of scarring chemicals, except it's not a vat at all, but a giant meteor-dwelling worm creature's mouth, but by that time it's too late, and then it turns out that Doctor Octopus is inside the giant meteor-dwelling worm's belly, and he rips Dragon to bits, except it's not really Doctor Octopus, but a Rikti spy who wanted to be a good guy but then got his eye poked out by Statesman so now he's bad again, but that doesn't matter because he still has those scary metal arms that aren't really arms at all, but pure kryptonite shaped into looking like arms, just in case Superman was pretending to be Dragon, but he wasn't, so that doesn't matter either.
Scooby and the gang later finds out that it wasn't Rhyno's angry ghost at all, but a projected image created by Immortal, who just wanted to keep those lousy kids away from his abandoned amusement park.
Oh, and Immortal eats babies.
Valiant Eats Immortal, spiced with babies.
01001001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101001 01100101
Einstien makes everyone sterile preventing Immortals favorite food from growing. Immortal starves to death and the human race dies out. And everyone lived hapily ever after.... The End?
Einstien sprays Immortal with sleeping gas making him lie down and take a nap. He is the arrested for loitering and faces the death penalty for the awful thing that he has done!!!! Einstien turnes out to be the judge, the prosecuter and all of the jury. Einstien convicts him and sentences him to 99999999999999999999999999999999 hours of labor and the death penalty, and the death penalty again and again and again... And again... And once more...
Immortal comes back as the undead, and starts a zombie epidemic that wipes out the newly remade human race that Einstein just wiped out with his devil magic and algebraic equations.
Everybody jams to Thriller.
Except Michael Jackson, who has legal immunity from zombies.
The zombies create a peaceful protest in front of his house, but then Ash comes in and hacks em into small pieces.
Jackson sues Ash for everything he's got, and Ash is reduced to acting in B-movies, and occasionally appearing in popular television shows, always just out of the public eye.
Meanwhile, Immortal realises he's a vampire, so his creating the zombie epidemic was just a fluke on the writer's part.
Immortal shoots his writer through the computer scree
I-trick witnesses the whole thread and using his patented pun and alliterated allegory refreshes the whole world and dooms it to repeat itself infinitly. A truer torture there never existed... to read (or live) this thread over and over!
However the the taxing effort of the trick doomed him to the same ironic fate and thus he kills himself to stop the infinite loop of torture... but this of course allows the thread to continue:
*A note to readers: No tricks where actually killed in this post, self inflicted or otherwise. (Except in your imaginations... killers)
Einstien studies black magic and curses fait to go on as planed. The consiquences were devistating many people died....
The young and cute Krystal Psion storms into the room.
"Yea, Hi. I like to order a large Ice Cream Please!"
She stops and looks around the room to see a dead janitor, blood splatered walls and a group of angre blood thursty super heros gone mad.
"That damn bum in the ally cheated me of my last can of Spam. This isn't the icecream palor."
In fear for her life she turns to run for the door but Immortal cuts her off blocking the exit.
An evil grin comes across his face. Y, I-Trick, Dragon and the others have all awakend and surround her. Fear grips her soul and she losses controle of her bladder.
Her Ice powers go into over load and freezes the warm puddle and forms a sheet of ice around her.
They all slip and break their necks killing them all.
She sees a chance to make a break for it but found she froze herself to the floor. "All I wanted was an IceCream!"
Ultradude, having just finished reading a book on originality, decided to test his new ideas out. "Here's some ice cream for ya!" he yelled, as he shot her with a Crey ice pistol, then removing her frozen limbs and mixing them with cream and sugar to make ice cream, he then puts hot fudge on the Krystal Psion-flavored ice cream and gives it to her. He forces her to eat it so fast that she dies from acute brainfreeze. Then the word conceptual tries to eat him again, but Ultradude smashes it with a giant novelty hammer, killing it. He then placed land mines in the places he was pretty sure the others were going to respawn, but accidentally stepped on an extra one he left in a random location. He wound up respawning on each of his land mines in sequence. Killing him about ten times. Each time he died, the recently respawned conceptual would eat the corpse and die from indigestion.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Immortal respawns, feeling quite injusticed.
He writes an angry letter to Krystal.
Krystal dies.
Einstien says terrible things to everyone making them feel bad about themselves and comiting suicide!
Immortal respawns.
His head blows up.
[ QUOTE ]
Immortal respawns.
His head blows up.
[/ QUOTE ]
Eisnstien kills himself becous all of the latest kills are so un-origional. Einstien wants to make a new kill thread but is afraid of plagarism.
Einstien after respawning from the dreaded killer wind comes up with a crazy idia.
He quikly grabed a pistol put it point blank to his hand and fired. "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! The pain oh crap agh aaaaahhhhh!!!!! AAAAGHGHHAAA!!! MY HAND! MY HAND! THE PAIN!!! WHY AM I SO CURIOUS!?! WHY?!!!?? AHHHHGGG MY HAND!!! MY HAAAAAAAAAAAND!! I HAD TO KNOW IT WAS IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!!!! BUT WHY DID I HAVE TO DO IT?!?" This had no meaning or point but he did kill many skin cells on his hand.