Such a Restrospective

What?

Its a retrospective that wants to take its time and just enjoy being read.

Clearly, it's looking back on Statesman's life by all the guys who aren't Statesman!

Weren't they strospective enough the first time?

It's obvious that the grief was so overwhelming, even the spellchecker was affected.

First after a red name!

It's times like this when we need a video of things like this.

I am so reapplying now for an Editor job, and including that as proof they need me.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

C'mon guys! Obviously they meant it was a retrospective upon Statesman resting in peace. It was an intentional portmanteau. Obviously.

We are all certainly being flip and irreverent about a eulogy, but a number of thoughts also struck me (and pretty hard, too! ) as I read it, so here is some color commentary on the eulogy, done with a wink and overall affection for Positron and CoH.


Some ***SPOILERS*** ahead for some things, so proceed accordingly.





"He was a beacon of strength, moral fiber, and inner will, a bastion of strength that protected Paragon City."

Of course, around Issue 4, he had to change that to being a CITADEL of strength, but we blame that on Marvel's lawyers.

"He led the Alpha Team of heroes, fighting off the Rikti from our side of the Rikti dimensional portals while Hero 1 led the Omega Team and sealed off the portals from the Rikti side. Thousands of heroes died in that battle, but Statesman's team, due to his bravery and unfailing mental and physical strength, came through relatively unscathed."

Yo, Positron, for someone so scientific, you sure are lousy at math. This is from the CoH official history:

"They then split into two teams, one led by Statesman, named Alpha Team, and one led by Hero 1, named Omega Team. Alpha Team was much larger, consisting of over 1000 heroes from across the globe. They launched a full frontal assault on the Rikti main troop concentrations, drawing as many alien troops into the fray as possible. This was a dangerous ploy, and it proved costly. In the ensuing titanic battle, 800 of 1000 heroes died, along with some 50,000 Rikti soldiers."

800 heroes is not "thousands," but 80% fatalities on the Alpha Team sure doesn't sound like "relatively unscathed," either. You sound like another armored guy, the Black Knight, talking about his "mere flesh wound."

"Maria enlisted a young, trustworthy, but experienced hero who looked up to Statesman. That hero uncovered a plot by Tyrant, a Statesman from an alternate Earth, to kidnap and steal our Statesman's power to augment his. It was only due to the valiant efforts of the hero Maria recruited that was Statesman was able to be with us in the years that followed"

Yeah, yeah, good ol' "What's His Name" saved Statesman, we are so grateful to "What's His Name," we will never forget the courage of "What's His Name," yadda yadda yadda. You are making me bloody well blush here. This is what I get for using Ascendant's agent, Uncle Saul.

"We may never know exactly how Statesman died."

Gee, thanks for blowing my report completely off, Positron. I was only there and saw the whole thing. How clearly do I have to I have to spell it out? Okay, here it is in "CLUE" terms: It was Darrin Wade, in the Cut Scene, with the Obvious Trap.

Positron, I keep telling you, bro, get Samuraiko to do this stuff for you!

"Yes, Statesman is dead, as one day we all must die.

I mean sooner rather than later. Probably tomorrow. Not sure yet. Thanks for coming, everybody; snacks amd punch in the foyer!"

I don't get these emails... what gives?! I should be signed up for them.

Pretty sure it has something to do with them: