So who would YOU work for out of Batmans Rogue gallery?

Ok had a weird dream...well not weird but...surprisingly coherent.

Probably had something to do with the Batman: The Animated Series marathon I just had.

You see in this dream I was what can only be described as a 'mook', one of those nameless henchmen that usually just gets their backside kicked by Batman without a second thought. The 'gang' consisted of me (as the fairly intelligent but general skill wise fairly useless muscle), some young Chinese guy with all the actual technical know-how and Harley Quinn as 'The boss'.

From what I can remember from the conversations both myself and the Chinese guy are career henchmen, as in we move from employer to employer looking for work (apart from one which will be raised later).

Now before you start chuckling about 'dreaming about Harley Quinn' I distinctly remember her annoying me more than anything else.

Crime was to steal a painting, this was a 'to order' crime as in we had a buyer already lined up, I remember snippets of the conversation.

Me: Yeah boss you go have fun, me and my friend here will do the hard work.
(Harley leaves)
Me: I say we got five minutes before she breaks something and sets off an alarm.
Chinese guy: I say we don't even have that...lets get the hell on with this.

So as the Chinese guy is disabling the security systems for the area another conversation crops up.

CG: Why are we working with her again?
Me: Nobody else was hiring.
CG: Yeah but surely we can do better than her...I mean she's like Joker lite and you know our policy on working with the Joker.
Me: Well who else we gonna work for? I mean Bane ain't exactly needing in henchmen, the guys smart and tough.
CG: Poison Ivy?
Me: She hates men...hell she hated people period.
CG: Penguin?
Me: Didn't he retire to run a bar, you know me and bar work don't mix.
(Smash, alarms going off)
Me: Heh four minutes and thirty seconds, when we get out of here you owe me a drink.
CG: Fine just grab the damn painting and run before 'he' shows up.
Me: Alright, alright the cars parked out back...which floor we on in the car park again?
CG: Second.
Me: Just great...BOSS WE ARE LEAVING!

So it got me thinking. There really is nobody in the Batman universe I can think of that would either a) Need henchmen or b) Anyone with half a brain would want to work with, especially career henchmen.

of the rogues in The Animated Series, there's a great many that would either kill or experiment on their own crew, the Joker being the foremost of that list.

I'm thinking the Riddler might keep you around, if only because your thuggish stupidity feeds his ego of mental superiority.

Roland Daggert might be fair to a hard-working crew too.

Mad Hatter might be okay, so long as he doesn't see you as a test subject. The downside is you'll probably have to wear a Doormouse costume.

Maxi Zeus might be okay, so long as you respect his "deity".

I'm not sure about Ra's al Ghoul. You'll have a hard job, but if you can keep up, I think he'll see you as one of his empire, and have a certain protectiveness of you, probably because he'll see his empire as an extention of himself.

I'd go with Penguin. He's one of Batman's rogues who looks to stay out of Batman's way and tries to keep things legitimate at least on the surface, so you might even get decent pay and benefits.

The Ventriloquist. The Scarface persona is a straight up mobster, so brutal though he may be, he'll at least reward loyalty and pay well. Of the crazy villains in Batman's Rogues Gallery, he seems to be the most sane.

There is not enough money in the world to risk working for the Joker, working for Harley is bound to attract Joker's attention as he doesn't like it when she's solo. Joker is way too random and while there may be method to his madness, he's a complete loon.

Penguin: he went "legit" so to speak and basically set up the bar/restaurant and likely was becoming the new kingpin of Gotham's crime circuit. Working for him wouldn't be too bad as long as you can put up with his attempts at aristocracy and all the birds. I suspect the pay and benefits may not be too bad.

Riddler: he uses henchmen from time to time and would keep some around to feed his massive intellectual ego. Now while he isn't the Joker, he's still crazy but more in an obsessive-compulsive way. As Batman in TAS told him in one episode "You can't stop yourself" and Batman was right. Also while Riddler may want to kill Batman, Batman is the only one that can match wits with him so it would be a never ending game against Batman that might send me as his henchmen to the hospital and/or prison quite a bit, so I'd put Riddler towards the bottom of the list to work for. (Joker wouldn't even be on the list)

Mad Hatter: feh he'd make drones out of his henchemen if he felt the need to. He's way to into controlling people.

Ventriloquist: perhaps the most mentally stable of Batman's villains despite being a schizoid. Scarface rewards loyalty, punishes screwups but doesn't seem to be a capricious killer.

Clayface: he doesn't really use any.

Catwoman: she's at least semi-legit after meeting Batman

Poison Ivy: only if I could wear a breath filter to block out her poisons and her pheremones and maybe not even then.

Bane: any henchman that fails him would likely find themselves broken in two.

Scarecrow: only if can get innoculated with the antidotes to his assorted gas formula

Mr. Freeze: NO. He'd freeze you just for looking at him.

Now the problem with all the above is that at any time they will abandon you to Batman and the law if ti served their purposes or if you failed them somehow and they would not come to bail you out of jail unless they wanted to kill you to make sure you didn't turn states evidence against them.

Rha's Al Ghul: okay now granted his philosophy seems to be that in order to save the Earth he must scorch the Earth clean, but I suspect that those in his employ will be well treated, provided they pass muster of course. Also if you prove valuable enough to him he might well use the Lazarus Pit to keep you around for a long time.

Now for Batman Beyond:

Derek Powers: okay he's the Lex Luthor of the show, but even before he was Blighted I suspect that his top agents were well paid, provided of course they don't screw up. I suspect Derek Powers has a long trail of bodies behind him as shown at the end of Season 1 when Batman/Terry confronted him in the submarine

"You KILLED my father!" Blight's response: "Do you have the slightest idea how LITTLE that narrows it down?"

Spellbinder: he's worse then the Mad Hatter when it comes to brain twisting people and he'd be more then likely to braintwist any henchmen.

The Royal Flush Gang: only if I can marry into the family and be groomed to be the next King.

Inque: she doesn't like henchmen, remember the guy that helped her in exchange for her giving him her power?

Shriek: a bit crazy after blowing out his hearing, but shouldn't be too bad to work for.

Paxton Powers: a pale imitation of his father. Wouldn't waste my time with him.

The Kobra Organization: don't like snakes much, wouldn't want to dress like one and don't want to have to yell "COOOOBRRAAA!" (Okay different franchise but you get the idea)

Stalker: he doesn't use henchmen

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

Penguin or Clock King.

They're both obsessive, but not over things that will involve shooting you or frying your brain. Neither one's likely to cheat you out of your pay, either.

Heh just noticed, there's a thread for being a superhero and now one at the other end of the scale, being a henchman/Henchwoman/Henchperson(?).

Yeah there's pretty much only 3 options from what I can see, if you're willing to accept that your boss is a ********* anyway and will likely throw you at Batman to get away (which I imagine is pretty much a 'comes with the job' territory for a career Henchperson).

Penguin (who tries to be legit atleast), The Ventriloquist (Mobsters usually reward loyalty and hard work) or Rupert Thorne (also mobster in B:TAS).

I wouldn't work for Ra's al Ghul. His standards are no doubt ridiculously high, and while he might not kill you on a whim, he still demands a degree of loyalty where your life is essentially meaningless.

Well from what we can fathom the following. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you...

Your basic guide to being a career criminal in Gotham and NOT dying!
1) If you can, work for yourself, this means that while yes, you're limited to small scale stuff it means you tend to avoid Batmans notice unless you're really unlucky (or disobey rule 2). If you do want to have a career with prospects of moving up the ladder and stable paycheck, try to work for the mob.

2) Don't kill people, threaten if you have to but avoid outright murder. This cheeses off Batman more than anything else. Use non-lethal means to subdue your chosen target such as a stun gun. Always remember to politely ask if the target has a Pacemaker before using the stun gun, you don't want an accidental death on your hands.

If you're working for mob then you're probably not going to have an option to not kill someone, even if they're a member of another family. Sadly this WILL attract the attention of Batman...which leads to the following...

3) Accept that, as a career, you're going to encounter Batman atleast once. If you do encounter Batman the make sure to do the following. Give the hell up when he comes at you, drop your stun gun, hold your hands up and willing give up, it'll save him punching you face and you losing some teeth.

If you're working for the mob...just don't try to stop his fist with your face but atleast have a go at at taking him on...you WILL lose that fight but try to go down with some dignity.

The Riddler.

And I'd keep removing or changing the clues he leaves behind.

"You really bested Batman this time, Riddler. He failed to decipher your riddle and we're free to rob this bank in peace!"

Heh now I'm just seeing a Henchperson switching the clue card from something the Riddler thinks is really smart to something REALLY obvious but in completely the wrong direction.

Mind you if the Riddler caught you, he would probably beat you to death or put you in some elborate deathtrap because damn you do not just go messing with someones MO like that!

As to the question: I *shiver* thinking about working for any of them.

But, this is the opening of an episode I would watch and really enjoy:
(Reminds me in flavor of the Babylon 5 ep that followed the maintenance staff rather than the usual characters during major doings around the station.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr_MechanoEU Crime was to steal a painting, this was a 'to order' crime as in we had a buyer already lined up, I remember snippets of the conversation. Me: Yeah boss you go have fun, me and my friend here will do the hard work. (Harley leaves) Me: I say we got five minutes before she breaks something and sets off an alarm. Chinese guy: I say we don't even have that...lets get the hell on with this. So as the Chinese guy is disabling the security systems for the area another conversation crops up. CG: Why are we working with her again? Me: Nobody else was hiring. CG: Yeah but surely we can do better than her...I mean she's like Joker lite and you know our policy on working with the Joker. Me: Well who else we gonna work for? I mean Bane ain't exactly needing in henchmen, the guys smart and tough. CG: Poison Ivy? Me: She hates men...hell she hated people period. CG: Penguin? Me: Didn't he retire to run a bar, you know me and bar work don't mix. (Smash, alarms going off) Me: Heh four minutes and thirty seconds, when we get out of here you owe me a drink. CG: Fine just grab the damn painting and run before 'he' shows up. Me: Alright, alright the cars parked out back...which floor we on in the car park again? CG: Second. Me: Just great...BOSS WE ARE LEAVING!

Best: Calendar Man. While you'll have to work some holidays, just think of all the others you'd get to claim you needed to take off.

Worst: Dr. Hugo Strange. Sure, he keeps regular clinical hours at his office that would provide you with a desk job, but you'd always have to check the coffee for experimental serums that could turn you into a mindless ravening beast-man.

I'm pretty sure the Joker can get any thug in Gotham to work for him just by asking nicely.