Nicely written mate.
With my kinetic defender I once got a tell asking if I could heal, I reply that I can also heal but it's not my main focus. So naturally I get the 'We need an empath' response. This time I simply ask why? After I explain to him kinetics will be could for his mostly scrapper team he invites me and the team kicks [censored] 
On Union we have an all-defender-team. It's a team with 8 defenders covering all primaries. With an average level of 15-16 the team is used to fighting +3 +4, Frosty was ridiculous, Atta was a bit of a disappointment, Positron's TF got pwn'd
But I also love my blaster, or to put it in your words, I love my pet 
G-Force
Right on brother! (or sister!)
Genious!
LOL. Class.
I look forward to re-education camp. Will there be beer?
Utterly magnificent story .
�How do I like my MMOs? I like them the way Paragon Studios used to make them.� - a fitting tribute from kiasa.org
EU, Union mostly.
ahahaha! this brings me joy
*weeps little empath tears of relief for the coming days*
XD nice one.
Don't ask me about joining Honourable United, I'm lazy. Ask Captain Cathode.
http://www.onthejazz.co.uk/honu/
"If I had a punch, I would so hit that guy." - Millenium (because drinking nail varnish remover is for real men)
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet manifesto dude! You got my vote! Like G Force I've experienced teh joy that is an all defender team, although equally I've participated in all-blaster teams.
I even turned PowerSWAT into a "Blampath" out of respect for my own H34LOR and love for empathy in general!
Awwwww, no fair, i knew.... i had been well educated...
p.s. please let the be beer in the redeucation camps, i have to have some thing to do while the others get lobotomised
In order for the Pavlovian punishment/reward training to be effective, I shall allow beer in the camps.
Not the expensive stuff, mind. Tesco's Value Beer, with better types available to those who properly restrain their controlling habits.
Dead Calm's Defender Manifesto
Amen to that, brother Calm.
They may take our buffs, but they'll never take our FREEEEDDOOOOOOOOMMMM...
Is it time for the dance of joy yet?
[ QUOTE ]
In order for the Pavlovian punishment/reward training to be effective, I shall allow beer in the camps.
Not the expensive stuff, mind. Tesco's Value Beer, with better types available to those who properly restrain their controlling habits.
[/ QUOTE ]
Urrrgh. I'll never control again, just don't put that gunk in my mouth.
Pretty effective incentive actually. And there was Pavlov messing around with wires and currents. All he needed was Tesco beer.
Although I've heard the Geneva Convention forbids the use of Tescos Beer on humanitarian grounds.
Hellowie!
Hail Dead Calm! It is so true that Defenders are the most superior AT of all. But it is also true that Stormies are the most superior of all Defenders and should be worshipped like Gods.
Very well written! I await your next Defender-loving edict!
Jazz.
Right, that's it. ARENA FIGHT!.
cant believe i've never read this! very funny!
except the controller bashing and the DM bit (read signature)! 
Just kidding mate, i like it! still cant believe it took me so long to read it!
oh and i will add that one of the best teams i have ever been on was a 8 person team made up of 4 diffrent flavoured Defenders and 4 diffrent flavoured Controllers which included DC and yours truely.... was awesome! buffs, debuffs and DoT flying around all over the place
'Mon the Squishies!!!!!
Standing Ovation
[ QUOTE ]
Standing Ovation
[/ QUOTE ]
Two standing ovations and a form inviting Dead Calm to stand for President.
@Dante EU - Union Roleplayer and Altisis Victim
The Militia: Union RP Supergroup - www.themilitia.org.uk
"Good Lord, wrong meeting. Quickly Pious! We must get out of here!"
"No way, he promised us beer!"
I think this is the time and place to point out that the most VIOLENT and SAVAGE team I have ever had the honour of heading up was comprised of one scrapper and 6 defenders.
WhiteSnow and the dwarves seven, they will smash you DOWN.
Don't ask me about joining Honourable United, I'm lazy. Ask Captain Cathode.
http://www.onthejazz.co.uk/honu/
"If I had a punch, I would so hit that guy." - Millenium (because drinking nail varnish remover is for real men)
[ QUOTE ]
Never again will we be told to stop blasting and 'HEAL ME'! Never again will a lesser archetype DARE to question our ability by whining 'OMG!!!11 wr r teh heels????'.
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
And the sweet, sweet Empaths, who even more than the rest of us, have sufferd as they so selflessly dedicate themselves to looking after ungrateful and unworthy souls
[/ QUOTE ]
OMG!! Dead Calm I love you... Marriage, babies, white picket fence, etc...??
Thanks for the nice words everyone - At some point I may write a CoV based follow-up, although as yet nobody has annoyed me enough to prompt me to do it.
And remember - If they died, it was their fault. Or the Controllers.
Dead Calm's Defender Manifesto
I can't believe I've been on these boards all this time and not read this!
All hail Lord Calm!
HEALING IS BUFFING!
BUFFING IS DEBUFFING!
DEBUFFING IS VICTORY!
Hear ye, hear ye! My defenders looks forward to NDO
(hastily hides her vile scrappers, ungrateful tank and filthy controllers)
One of the best stories I've read. The humor is top class. Loved it and will have it as inspiration whenever I play my defenders (sweet empath and radiation wielder)
And I can't believe I haven't seen this in all this time >< shame on me!
First time I've read this, excellent, and oh so true!
Defiant 50's
Many and varied!
@Miss Chief
Genius. We stand united, should we fall....grp rez pls
"Well, they found my diary today.
They were appropriately appalled
at the discovery of the eight victims
They're now putting it all together.
Women wrapped in silk
with one leg missing
Eight legs, one body, silk,
spider, brilliant!"
Dead Calm's Defender Manifesto
AKA
Dead Calm Gets A H34LOR Tell Too Far
Dead Calm walks onto a podium. He stands between two huge banners, red, with blue defender shields in the middle. In front of him a huge crowd of heroes of all shapes and sizes waits expectantly
Fellow Defenders!
The time has come! Never again will we be subjected to the foolish and cretinous remarks of inferior archetypes! Never again will we be told to stop blasting and 'HEAL ME'! Never again will a lesser archetype DARE to question our ability by whining 'OMG!!!11 wr r teh heels????'.
The time has come to end this farce forever more. The holy purity and divine might of the Defender only team will take its rightful place above the broken and mangled bodies of those who have the temerity to belive that they are worthy to stand against us.
For we are the chosen ones! The Radiation Wielders who harness the power of the atom to smite our foes! The Kineicists who use our enemies very strength against them! The Force Fielders who form an impenetrable shield around us! The Darks who tap into forbidden magics and arcane tomes in their quest to protect us! The Sonics who let forth a wall of sound, rendering our enemies weapons blunt! The Mighty Storms, who use their mastery of the weather to let slip chaos, flinging our opponents aside like feathers in the face of a typhoon! The Archers, who unleash their arrows of justice! And the sweet, sweet Empaths, who even more than the rest of us, have sufferd as they so selflessly dedicate themselves to looking after ungrateful and unworthy souls who then cruelly cast them aside when they no longer feel they require a kind word and friendly shoulder!
No more shall we support those who are not worthy of our support! No more shall we resurrect those whose stupidity is a greater threat than a thousand praetorians! No more shall we buff those who have not even got the intelligence to even check what powersets we posses!
From now on, Defending shall be for Defenders! Today is the beginning of The New Defender Order!
Let us examine those who have proven themselves so unworthy of our support.
There is the Scrapper. A vile beast, who is unable to resist even the most base of impulses. The most simple concepts of strategy and tactics are above them. If you gave them a copy of Sun Tzu's Art of War they would try to hit someone with it. And yet, when they have decided to charge off on their own to do whatever it is Scrappers do when they are out of sight of their betters, they expect US to rush to their aid the second they decide they have bitten off more than they can chew by trying to solo Hamidon or use a slightly more complex than normal remote control! Within days of the NDO beginning, they shall have rendered themselves extinct through their own stupidity.
Next we come to the Blaster. A creature to be pitied. They come so close to the perfection that is the Defender, but their obsession with numbers renders them incapable of all but the most basic of emotions and behavior. See them jump for joy as they notice a huge orange number! Watch them run about screaming as a nasty red number appears! Pat them on the head as they hug your legs when they see a green number! Once the NDO is in place they shall be classified as house pets, unfit for anything other than amusement.
Then we come to the Tanker. A most ungrateful beast, the Tanker prefers to wallow in perceived past glories, entirely failing to appreciate that these feats were only possible because of Defenders. Muttering phrases such as 'must....herd' and 'burn burn burn', they wander around, occasionally hassling perfectly happy Defenders, in the belief that the Defender finds their interminable anecdotes anything other than pitiful. They cannot accept that any fool could herd Freaks, while it took a Defender to herd something impressive like Psychic Clockwork. Come the NDO, they will be confined to reservations where they can spend the rest of their days herding small harmless animals like guinea pigs and voles.
Finally (for we shall not concern ourselves with the ways of the squid), we come to the most repugnant mockery, nay, perversion of the Defender, the filthy Controller. Twisting and warping the purity of Defender powers into obcene parodies of their original beauty, they insist that they can do anything a Defender can! And they claim they can do more! More than a Defender! They whine on about "locking mobs down" and their "level 32 pet"! Locking Down? Level 32 pet? If they wanted such things, they should have become a Dark Defender, (the one powerset that no Controller scum will ever master), not the obcene offence against Man, Nature and God that is the Controller. When the NDO come into effect, they will be rounded up and shipped to re-education camps where they shall be weaned off their 'control' powers, and taught to use their inferior copies of Defender powers for the good of the NDO.
Now is our time! Now the age of the Defender must begin!
HEALING IS BUFFING!
BUFFING IS DEBUFFING!
DEBUFFING IS VICTORY!
This is humour. I do not actually belive any of this.
Well, except the bit about Controllers
Dead Calm's Defender Manifesto