How about:
Name: Death to Disco!
Arc ID: 84420
WN
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
I'd appreciate it if you could review my Arc, " The Galactic Protectorate - 01 ", before the next Issue hits the servers. It's listed in my signature, but the Arc ID# is 47143 .
It's 3 missions long, and you should be able to solo it so long as your difficulty level isn't set to high and you're careful about only pulling 1 mob at a time, but... bring some inspirations just in case 
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Please feel free to subject any of the arcs in my sig to The Treatment.
Story Arcs I created:
Every Rose: (#17702) Villainous vs Legacy Chain. Forget Arachnos, join the CoT!
Cosplay Madness!: (#3643) Neutral vs Custom Foes. Heroes at a pop culture convention!
Kiss Hello Goodbye: (#156389) Heroic vs Custom Foes. Film Noir/Hardboiled detective adventure!
Well, I know you ran my villain arc and didn't like it particularly much back in the Mission Critique thread (I've changed it a bit since then but I don't think that would change your opinion of it). However, if you would like to run my hero arc (Blitzkrieg), I think you'd probably like it. Its arc ID is in my sig.
I will warn you that it features Malta and there are two AVs and an EB, but one is optional and you'll have help with the other two (Of course, if you stealth, you probably won't be able to bring that help along). The last boss has Grav attacks, so keep that in mind if you don't want to be held to death. If you can stomach that, though, I think you'll find that it has a stronger story than my previous one.
My arcs:
Title: Blitzkrieg
Arc ID: 3416
Title: Soldiers of Fortune
Arc ID: 4431
Title: The Rikti Accession
Arc ID: 278757
Sure, why not? More points of view are helpful. Feel free to have at "the Revenge of Hro'Dohz" (1356) and "Hunting the Dark Dragon" (2922) arcs in my sig.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
Im a slow player, so I'm going to run with a small queue of 5 arcs.
Some info about my playstyle:
My MA toon for heroic content is MrCaptainMan, my 50 en/en/fire Blaster. Villainous content will be run on the Dirty Promise, my 50 NB/Nin Stalker.
I run all arcs at difficulty level 1. As far as I am concerned, that is the default difficulty setting.
I believe that for best enjoyment and/or aprreciation of what the author is tryong to achieve with his or her arc, it should be played as they best recommend. If any authors have any special preference for difficulty or AT choice, please let me know and I'll see what I can do.
There is no requirement at all for you to play my arcs in return, although if you wish to, feel free. The Echo was my first arc, and it was in fact written long before the MA went to Test. As such it is a bit rough mechanically, specifically in the last mission. The Audition was awesome fun to write, and I learned a great deal whilst writing it. That's all I'll say on my arcs for this thread; they both have feedback threads if anyone wishes to discuss them.
Current Queue:
Death to Disco! 84420
The Galactic Protectorate - 01 47143
Kiss Hello Goodbye 156389 (ooh, I'd forgotten about this! BAD MCM! Cool)
Blitzkrieg 3416
One of Fredriks arcs (I'll have a look at them both when I'm ingame next to choose)
Mekkanos, You might know that I loathe Malta, but in the last Malta arc I tried (Venture's arc Blowback, arc ID4643) the Malta mobs I encountered were far less annoying than the ones I've met in canon arcs. I have no freaking idea why this was so, but I hope it holds true for yours too, and I promise i'll give your arc a good shot.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
Ah, the sweet fresh air of a new review thread. I'll dump my old stale arcs in here and see if I can't fog up the place. Please review #1152 and/or #114284, if you want.
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
Let me know what you think of the Arc in my Sig. Haven't gotten many to play it since I did the rewrite.
Thanks
Would you put my arc into the queue when you get room? I think it will meet most if not all of your criteria. 
A Close Encounter - 233720
This "stream of conciousness" review could be exactly the sort of feedback I need on Entrusted with the Other Secret (Arc ID 120462). Although it helps if you have played the Ouroboros 'task forces', you can probably get by with the knowledge that (minor spoilers)...
1: The Menders rarely time travel anywhere, and your alterations to time don't change the present to any appreciable degree.
2: Mender Tesseract is a b***h.
3: Mender Lazarus has you mess around with some computers in 5th column base (knowing this is hardly a requirement for the arc but should increase your enjoyment).
You'll be bombarded with these, so if you get around to it, could you give The Invasion of the Space Ape Armada (ID: 81043) a shot?
Who the heck 1-starred this thread? Yeah MCM, you're definitely being stalked by someone who's got beef with you. 
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
That first post is probably the longest one I have ever seen outside of the guides section. o.o
Anyways - as always, any attention aimed towards the two arcs listed in my sig is greatly appreciated. Both are (supposed to be) funny, story focused and relatively not-too-hard as there are no AVs or EBs in them. The first one is probably the better of the two but the second has been rejiggered a lot based upon player feedback; I'm always open to suggestions as to something that might need work, I'm no diva (but I might disagree with your suggestions, just saying ). Both sat at 4 stars last time I was able to check (been out of town for just over a week) with 50 and 26-or-so plays respectively.
If you do check them out, I hope you enjoy playing them as much as I did making them. 
Just to go over a few of the less petty objections....
The other one (Eva) is the same, except in purple. I guess from their identical costumes theyre maybe part of some bigger group or something.
Actually it's because they're twins.
Incidentally, if I played this as Venture has said he does in the past, blasting through it and reading all the clues at the end
When did I say that?
Anyway, she cant stay to help me defeat the kidnapper, which is what the Nav now tells me to do.
There are no triggered objectives. I don't like them, they make the player run all over the place so I try not to use them.
He did shout out for aid whilst he crumbled to the floor on my second shot, but alas it wasnt an ambush.
He says "Ermeeth, protect your humble servant!" Ermeeth is one of the gods venerated by the Circle. I'm not sure why anyone familiar with the canon would think that was a literal cry for help.
He drops a book, which apparently is a family tree encyclopedia, only Magic.
The Blood Tome is introduced in one of the level 30-35 Circle compound tasks hero side, and referenced in Mu'Drakhan's arc redside.
says the Azuria Robot in a dull monotone in my debriefing.
I tried to match the character's established voice as well as I could. If you feel I didn't do so that's one thing. If you're complaining that I wrote Azuria as Azuria, that's another.
Blood Redeemer Esiliaaargh is the Boss Fight this time. Another very nice costume, but a bit monochrome. Nice tattoo hes got though
...and a bit later...
I find Blood Redeemer Beliastios, whos got the exact same costume as the other Boss Fight blokes, except its blue whereas the first one was gray and the second one was yellow. Or possibly green. Im noticing a trend here. Venture might be color-blind, perhaps (This isnt an insult, Im serious if so, fair enough and nice way of avoiding any color-clashes)?
Circle magi are pretty uniform in their robes; I don't see why that wouldn't carry over to the Redeemers' coven. The color choices match the branches of the Circle of Thorns magi each Redeemer came from. Orange for Agony, Green for Madness, Blue for Ruin, and Black for Death. The only reason these mobs exist in the first place is because the Arch-Magi models were tedious and unfun to fight.
Ah, here he is. Rescue captive, examine final body (which means that that initial there are bodies everywhere entry popup was referring to
eight bodies. Maybe ventures had more experience with quantifying corpses, but I wouldnt use everywhere until were talking 20 or 30).
Would the player actually enjoy having 20 or 30 glowies to click on, none of which actually did anything? Or should there just be a few bodies to set the mood and take it as read? Moot point, they were removed weeks ago in the Test version, now that I can put Legacy Chain models into the arc without borking the level range.
Belastios notes elaborate on what you already from the Chain's papers. come on Venture, this is schoolboy error stuff. 57 plays and no-ones pointed that out? How many you got in your SG, 56?
Two.
Theres a lovely animation on the release of the Arch-Tellus (Legacy Chain geezer whos mission is the same as yours what, to find the Arch-Tellus?), but his costume isnt up to the usual standard. The helmets a bit big, he looks like hes borrowed his big brothers helmet for the day.
His costume is based on the Legacy Chain's standard garb. Much of their costume is available in the editor but some key parts aren't, particularly the unified shoulder and chestpieces. I did the best that I could and I've gotten many compliments on the similarity, actually. The version on Test uses a different helmet design, though, a half-helmet with faceplates so you can actually see the character's face. Unfortunately, the animation you liked isn't currently playing on Test.
You cant just push info at Players without giving them some explanation of why their character knows it. And its not brain surgery, this:
The office building seems quiet, but the distant sounds of [fighting/earthmoving/Titans servomotors/Freak Techno music] tell you that the [bad guys] are already breaking through into [the guy youve come to help]s underground base.
would solve the problem of me knowing theres bad guys up ahead even though I cant see anything upon entry.
It's not brain surgery to the point that the average player doesn't need this spelled out for him. Oh, I'm sorry, that was one of the more petty complaints. I'll move on....
hm, the book glowies are on random placement, perhaps, because I encounter them out of order. This might not bother some players, but as far as I am concerned , things like this detract from a sense that the arc has been made with care.
They are placed front, middle and back on a map that honors those locations. That's the best I could do at the time since collections couldn't be triggered. i15 does allow triggered collections but there are issues with that, and as I said above I don't like the idea of potentially forcing the player to run back to an already-cleared part of the map to pick up a new objective.
Into a big cave, and The Elder Cinnamon is waiting. Oh, yes. Hes got medieval leather togs, groovy shoulder studs and a great helmet, and his EYES ARE SHINING! He looks awesome. I hope hes got a big mallet, that would be perfect.
Again, Cinoval's costume is a modified version of the Legacy Chain uniform.
I believe that clues should appear in the clue list as much as possible in the order that the player encounters them in the mission.
Clues are placed in the list in the order in which their associated details are created. Since the order in which you create details affects their spawn, it is not always possible to neatly align both the order of placement and the order clues will appear in the list. Fortunately, the vast majority of players couldn't care less so it's never mandatory to do so.
Woohoo! No mallet from Cinovar Hes en/en, just like MCM! haha, awesome. Just call us the Knockback twins!
Energy Blast/Dark Armor, actually. There are some bugs with allies and toggles, particularly on Test. I'm not sure if I'm going to change his secondary if this isn't fixed by the time i15 goes live.
I doubt you can do that exact thing here, cos its all Magic, but you should be thinking about as many variables as possible. Every single forehead-wrinkle you can anticipate and prevent will pay you back in ratings.
No one cares. No one but you in any review of my arcs or anyone else's arcs that I've read has gotten their panties in a bunch over the order in which clues are given or whether or not something is in a mission-end clue instead of inside the mission. It seems the vast majority of players understand that for a variety of reasons Architects don't have a lot of control over this and are willing to fill in the gaps on their own without needing to be hand-held.
So the Redeemers are back again. Didnt I defeat them earlier?
Circle of Thorns mages are disembodied spirits that abandon their bodies on defeat and move to new ones. This is Circle 101. I don't think it's appropriate for a level 41+ arc to brief the player on basic mob knowledge.
and theres mention of the Mu, who I see from paragonwiki are a CoV faction (So YAY for those players who know the stuff youre obviously supposed to know before you play this).
The Mu are first introduced in the hero level 35-40 arc "The Envoy of Shadow", which has been in the game since issue 0. They are expanded upon in CoV. The Mu, BTW, are mentioned in "Chains of Blood" all the way back in act I and a few times thereafter. Again, this is basic canon information.
The challenge level was unfortunate in that as everything was so incredibly easy to defeat (apart from the EB which was half a challenge), there was no excitement to be had from the combat either.
I don't design arcs intended to kill anyone who didn't blow over a billion inf on his build.
Dialogue like The other leaders bade me hold my tongue makes me groan out loud because its produced completely deadpan.
The Legacy Chain characters are scripted to match the way other Legacy Chain characters in the canon speak. If you feel I did not do so adequately then that should be the substance of your complaint. If I did, then you are complaining that the characters are written correctly.
Kudos for resisting the urge to put your own characters in the last mission, although there really wasnt any special need for them in the first one either as far as I can see the rescuees could have easily have been characters created originally for this arc.
I included them to show what I considered to be an innocent usage of one's own characters in an MA project, and because the plot illustrated a small detail of their background. Their appearance has drawn no complaints and very few comments at all.
Also they were completely ignored after the debriefing of mission 2.
They are mentioned in the acceptance text for act III, actually. Their part in the story is over by then. It might be fair to observe that you can't both complain they are Mary Sues and unimportant.
Oh, and I spotted this posted while I was writing:
Who the heck 1-starred this thread? Yeah MCM, you're definitely being stalked by someone who's got beef with you.
I don't "star" forum threads.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
I'll appreciate it if you review my arc
Red Typhoon
Arc: 4912
MA Arc:
Red Typhoon 4912
Akhdar Blood Arc: 247198
[ QUOTE ]
I don't "star" forum threads.
[/ QUOTE ]
Um...I never said it was you.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
Just to go over a few of the less petty objections....
[/ QUOTE ]
and then you pick the more petty ones.
[ QUOTE ]
The other one (Eva) is the same, except in purple. I guess from their identical costumes theyre maybe part of some bigger group or something.
Actually it's because they're twins.
Incidentally, if I played this as Venture has said he does in the past, blasting through it and reading all the clues at the end
When did I say that?
[/ QUOTE ]
Just had a brief look, couldnt find it. My apologies, I must have mistaken you for someone else.
[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, she cant stay to help me defeat the kidnapper, which is what the Nav now tells me to do.
There are no triggered objectives. I don't like them, they make the player run all over the place so I try not to use them.
[/ QUOTE ]
This type of blanket, intractable statement shows how much of an amateur MAuthor you are. You should be using a modal. Triggered objectives can make the player needlessly run around a map (the last mission in The Echo is unfortunately a good example of this; after a great deal of testing I had to settle for it and accept any resulting downrates for the sake of the narrative), but they dont have to. With some amount of careful testing on multiple maps, you can produce an objective chain that consistently spawns in a linear manner for the player and that doesnt require backtracking. It IS possible.
But my point above wasnt referring to triggered objectives anyway. Youre focussing on the word now too much. I meant that at that point, I looked again at the Nav and saw only defeat the kidnapper.
[ QUOTE ]
He did shout out for aid whilst he crumbled to the floor on my second shot, but alas it wasnt an ambush.
He says "Ermeeth, protect your humble servant!" Ermeeth is one of the gods venerated by the Circle. I'm not sure why anyone familiar with the canon would think that was a literal cry for help.
He drops a book, which apparently is a family tree encyclopedia, only Magic.
The Blood Tome is introduced in one of the level 30-35 Circle compound tasks hero side, and referenced in Mu'Drakhan's arc redside.
[/ QUOTE ]
Theres a difference between hand-holding and if you dont know this stuff, THRRRPPP! to you.
[ QUOTE ]
says the Azuria Robot in a dull monotone in my debriefing.
I tried to match the character's established voice as well as I could. If you feel I didn't do so that's one thing. If you're complaining that I wrote Azuria as Azuria, that's another.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, if you see Azuria as Dullard Queen of the Tedium People and think that her canon voice reads like a 1,200 mg a day Thorazine addict whos lost the will to live, then you were bang on with that voice.
[ QUOTE ]
Blood Redeemer Esiliaaargh is the Boss Fight this time. Another very nice costume, but a bit monochrome. Nice tattoo hes got though
...and a bit later...
I find Blood Redeemer Beliastios, whos got the exact same costume as the other Boss Fight blokes, except its blue whereas the first one was gray and the second one was yellow. Or possibly green. Im noticing a trend here. Venture might be color-blind, perhaps (This isnt an insult, Im serious if so, fair enough and nice way of avoiding any color-clashes)?
Circle magi are pretty uniform in their robes; I don't see why that wouldn't carry over to the Redeemers' coven. The color choices match the branches of the Circle of Thorns magi each Redeemer came from. Orange for Agony, Green for Madness, Blue for Ruin, and Black for Death. The only reason these mobs exist in the first place is because the Arch-Magi models were tedious and unfun to fight.
[/ QUOTE ]
This isnt petty?
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, here he is. Rescue captive, examine final body (which means that that initial there are bodies everywhere entry popup was referring to
eight bodies. Maybe ventures had more experience with quantifying corpses, but I wouldnt use everywhere until were talking 20 or 30).
Would the player actually enjoy having 20 or 30 glowies to click on, none of which actually did anything?
[/ QUOTE ]
God, no. Change the there are bodies everywhere! sentence, thats all. Make it a strike force of Legacy Chain or sth. You have this My writing SAYS something is so, to hell with the actual stuff the player encounters! attitude.
You arent very flexible, Venture.
[ QUOTE ]
Or should there just be a few bodies to set the mood and take it as read? Moot point, they were removed weeks ago in the Test version, now that I can put Legacy Chain models into the arc without borking the level range.
[/ QUOTE ]
Awesome. You actually disagree with a point Ive made EVEN THOUGH you have changed that anyway. What a piece of work. And it's rich to include a 'moot point' in a list of things you consider less petty, too, lol.
[ QUOTE ]
Belastios notes elaborate on what you already from the Chain's papers. come on Venture, this is schoolboy error stuff. 57 plays and no-ones pointed that out? How many you got in your SG, 56?
Two.
Theres a lovely animation on the release of the Arch-Tellus (Legacy Chain geezer whos mission is the same as yours what, to find the Arch-Tellus?), but his costume isnt up to the usual standard. The helmets a bit big, he looks like hes borrowed his big brothers helmet for the day.
His costume is based on the Legacy Chain's standard garb. Much of their costume is available in the editor but some key parts aren't, particularly the unified shoulder and chestpieces. I did the best that I could and I've gotten many compliments on the similarity, actually. The version on Test uses a different helmet design, though, a half-helmet with faceplates so you can actually see the character's face. Unfortunately, the animation you liked isn't currently playing on Test.
[/ QUOTE ]
The helmet thing was totally minor. I think youre a good costume creator.
[ QUOTE ]
You cant just push info at Players without giving them some explanation of why their character knows it. And its not brain surgery, this:
The office building seems quiet, but the distant sounds of [fighting/earthmoving/Titans servomotors/Freak Techno music] tell you that the [bad guys] are already breaking through into [the guy youve come to help]s underground base.
would solve the problem of me knowing theres bad guys up ahead even though I cant see anything upon entry.
It's not brain surgery to the point that the average player doesn't need this spelled out for him.
[/ QUOTE ]
I thought you were into RP, and yet you seem to have no regard for the difference between IC knowledge and OOC. The average player doesnt even need that entry popup spelled out for him at all the Nav instruction would do. The character, however, has just entered what looks like an empty modern office building, and there is absolutely no sign that anything is amiss. No noise, no fights, nothing. If the entry popup read Hm. Strange. Azuria said this place was being invaded, but theres no sign of a struggle, nobody would bat an eye, because thats what the player can see, even though that information is in complete contrast to what youve chosen to impart.
[ QUOTE ]
Oh, I'm sorry, that was one of the more petty complaints. I'll move on....
[/ QUOTE ]
That was actually one of the things I thought was most important. Im not a total tool when it comes to you, Venture. There is some actual good advice in what I say. A good writer listens to constructive criticism, etc
[ QUOTE ]
hm, the book glowies are on random placement, perhaps, because I encounter them out of order. This might not bother some players, but as far as I am concerned , things like this detract from a sense that the arc has been made with care.
They are placed front, middle and back on a map that honors those locations. That's the best I could do at the time since collections couldn't be triggered. i15 does allow triggered collections but there are issues with that, and as I said above I don't like the idea of potentially forcing the player to run back to an already-cleared part of the map to pick up a new objective.
[/ QUOTE ]
With enough testing, Player Runaraound can be minimised if not avoided altogether. In addition, as it stands, since one of the books spawns in a small office at the top of the first part of the map (which is unused for any other objective), you will undoubtedly find players who find themselves running back to the start at the end anyway, as I did. So youre already failing to protect the player from that.
And triggering objectives arent the only ways to deliver objectives and clues to the player in a consistent, intended, logical order, either, stop obsessing on the triggered objectives and play around with spawn maximums and placement more and you can learn a lot.
[ QUOTE ]
Into a big cave, and The Elder Cinnamon is waiting. Oh, yes. Hes got medieval leather togs, groovy shoulder studs and a great helmet, and his EYES ARE SHINING! He looks awesome. I hope hes got a big mallet, that would be perfect.
Again, Cinoval's costume is a modified version of the Legacy Chain uniform.
[/ QUOTE ]
He looked brilliant and I was honestly sorry to leave him behind.
[ QUOTE ]
I believe that clues should appear in the clue list as much as possible in the order that the player encounters them in the mission.
Clues are placed in the list in the order in which their associated details are created. Since the order in which you create details affects their spawn, it is not always possible to neatly align both the order of placement and the order clues will appear in the list.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rubbish. Study the MA more.
[ QUOTE ]
Fortunately, the vast majority of players couldn't care less so it's never mandatory to do so.
Woohoo! No mallet from Cinovar Hes en/en, just like MCM! haha, awesome. Just call us the Knockback twins!
Energy Blast/Dark Armor, actually. There are some bugs with allies and toggles, particularly on Test. I'm not sure if I'm going to change his secondary if this isn't fixed by the time i15 goes live.
I doubt you can do that exact thing here, cos its all Magic, but you should be thinking about as many variables as possible. Every single forehead-wrinkle you can anticipate and prevent will pay you back in ratings.
No one cares. No one but you in any review of my arcs or anyone else's arcs that I've read has gotten their panties in a bunch over the order in which clues are given or whether or not something is in a mission-end clue instead of inside the mission. It seems the vast majority of players understand that for a variety of reasons Architects don't have a lot of control over this and are willing to fill in the gaps on their own without needing to be hand-held.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, cos nothing says Quality arc! like a 3-star rating after 58 plays. But the point youre referencing here wasnt about clue order, it was about the mission complete clue thats supposed to be Cinovars speech arriving when Cinovar was nowhere near me. If Cinovar hasd been defeated before that clue drop, it would have been even more incongruous. Your reaction has made me think that perhaps we have different ideas of when the information contained in a clue is supposed to be conveyed to the character. I think Ill start another thread for wider discussion of this aspect of the MA.
[ QUOTE ]
So the Redeemers are back again. Didnt I defeat them earlier?
Circle of Thorns mages are disembodied spirits that abandon their bodies on defeat and move to new ones. This is Circle 101. I don't think it's appropriate for a level 41+ arc to brief the player on basic mob knowledge.
[/ QUOTE ]
Not everyone will have your encyclopaedic knowledge of canon lore. You should also consider that some players, depending on personal preference, might actively avoid certain mob groups, and thus be unaware of some info, and the CoT with their oft-hated layer cake rooms of doom, are a good example of this. Of course, such players are less likely to play a CoT arc too, so I concede that theres no reason to be too much a babysitter in this particular case.
[ QUOTE ]
and theres mention of the Mu, who I see from paragonwiki are a CoV faction (So YAY for those players who know the stuff youre obviously supposed to know before you play this).
The Mu are first introduced in the hero level 35-40 arc "The Envoy of Shadow", which has been in the game since issue 0. They are expanded upon in CoV. The Mu, BTW, are mentioned in "Chains of Blood" all the way back in act I and a few times thereafter. Again, this is basic canon information.
The challenge level was unfortunate in that as everything was so incredibly easy to defeat (apart from the EB which was half a challenge), there was no excitement to be had from the combat either.
I don't design arcs intended to kill anyone who didn't blow over a billion inf on his build.
[/ QUOTE ]
I have a few set bonuses, but my toons are 80% generic Ios. Im in no way at all any kind of combat specialist. In fact, Im rubbish at fighting. My tactic for Ebs is; eat a trayful of inspires (until last week I didnt know that lucks had a cap at 4 I used to eat 8 of them in one go), BU, Aim, the damage one, then cycle my energy melee attacks until I die, rush to hosp, buy full try, rush back to EB and repeat. This arc was very easy, even by my standards. Theres nothing wrong with that, however. As I pointed out lol.
[ QUOTE ]
Dialogue like The other leaders bade me hold my tongue makes me groan out loud because its produced completely deadpan.
The Legacy Chain characters are scripted to match the way other Legacy Chain characters in the canon speak. If you feel I did not do so adequately then that should be the substance of your complaint. If I did, then you are complaining that the characters are written correctly.
[/ QUOTE ]
Dont blame the Legacy Chain for your po-faced lifeless prose.
[ QUOTE ]
Kudos for resisting the urge to put your own characters in the last mission, although there really wasnt any special need for them in the first one either as far as I can see the rescuees could have easily have been characters created originally for this arc.
I included them to show what I considered to be an innocent usage of one's own characters in an MA project, and because the plot illustrated a small detail of their background. Their appearance has drawn no complaints and very few comments at all.
Also they were completely ignored after the debriefing of mission 2.
They are mentioned in the acceptance text for act III, actually. Their part in the story is over by then. It might be fair to observe that you can't both complain they are Mary Sues and unimportant.
[/ QUOTE ]
It would be fair, and the one mary-sue comment I made was early in the arc when I (mistakenly I admit) assumed that theyd be making a comeback. In terms of Mary-Sueism, I think you succeeded in your aim to show what I considered to be an innocent usage of one's own characters in an MA project. They werent intrusive and didnt steal the players thunder at all.
Glad I was able to finish on a positive note.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I don't "star" forum threads.
[/ QUOTE ]
Um...I never said it was you.
[/ QUOTE ]
At least he admitted he does have a beef with me
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
QR - I just noticed that Devious requested a review before Fredriks. Sorry about that, I don't know why i missed it. I haven't played The Revenge of Hro'Dtohz yet, and it's one of the 'oft-mentioned' so i should. I've added it to my queue, which is now:
Death to Disco! 84420
The Galactic Protectorate - 01 47143
Kiss Hello Goodbye 156389 (ooh, I'd forgotten about this! BAD MCM! Cool)
Blitzkrieg 3416
This Is War Part I - the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz 1356
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend 114284
No more requests please, until I've finished this lot.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
So then. Death to Disco! (5-stars already for having an exclamation mark in your title) by @Wrong Number, Arc ID 84420 . Neutral morality. 2 maps. Ah, Death to Disco! (Must remember that exclamation mark!) Theres nothing like repeating old, loved content, eh? Lol I must have played this a few times by now. I see by the rating that I gave it 4 stars originally. I do know that I havent played it on my Stalker, so as its neutral, Ill log out and back in and take the Dirty Promise for a bop!
So, I login to BADGE EARNED! Excellent! How about that? I havent even started DtD yet and Im getting rewards already! (Up to 6-stars now!). ooh, and its Writer! Yay for me!.
Over to Nerva MA building and I quickly start up Death to Disco!
And then I quit. That was Death to Disco by @Lich-King I just entered by mistake I said I needed to remember the exclamation mark.
OK, the description could be slightly clearer by adding a now to the star-spangled banner reference, I think. I initially thought that booggie-oggie was a mistake; when I was a child in the late seventies, my mother would often use the term boogie-woogie, but I never saw it written down, and so its probably she was indeed saying boogie-oggie, since boogie-woogie seems to refer to 30s and 40s piano blues and 50s dance music!
Im learning a lot from this arc and I havent even started it yet! (Have another star!)
In I go.
The contact is a big beefy bloke in a leather jacket and shades. I have to jaunt back to 77 to check out jimmy Carter.
The AE array in the MA buildings is of course, canonically, a device where the players molecules are transmogrified into data in some way and inserted into the simulations that the MA produces (someone correct me if Im wrong). Often, MAuthors tell us its something else or use it in a different way (or just ignore it altogether, therers no need necessarily to refer to it at all). Here, the AE room is described as the Hall of Rock and in reference to the array, the contact (Diety of Rock) says touch the mists of Rock and Roll behind me
An aside, here: this produces a momentary internal pause as I cross-check mists of rock and roll with what I can see (and already know) in the AE array. Does it fit the story? Yep, and it made me smile. Importantly for immersion, does the array look like it could be the mists of rock and roll? Plenty close enough, Id say. This is an example of a) experimentation with something outside the boundaries of what might be considered the default limits of the MA (canon says the non-canon stuff starts after entering the array, not before), and b) getting away with it. The moral is: if youre going to think outside the box, remember that there is a box. If WN had said ascend the Stairway of Rock behind me shed have engendered a Forehead-Wrinkle Moment
I dont need any more lines on my forehead at my age, so now youre up to 9 stars!
Mission 1: Locate President Carter.
Inside, the Nav tells me to find Carter. The verbs are there, but I also have to defeat brainwasher apparently. Gimme one of those stars back for a Magical Infodump. Id have preferred a more generic confront whoever is responsible, or even investigate further.
Its a nice map, and there are Crey everywhere. Im a sneaky-sneaky though, so dont mind me, boys.
I find Carter, who has a simple amusing bio, and a well-chosen Face. He is caught in an energy field and his guards mention brainwashing whilst doing the star-trek medicorder thing animation. I assume this is the brainwashing in action. Nicely done, with minimal effort. This is borderline Elegant Simplicity at work. Its a shame that the brainwasher himself isnt in the same room though, tbh. It would take away the borderline imo. If your guards have a reaction dialogue line free, you could perhaps put a KCCH- [whoever the brainwasher is] [achtung] warning to their boss in it.
Carter warns me about something called the Disco Demolition, which enrages the Big Bad, Dr Disco Fever (a shout-out to this I believe.
Up a floor, and I find a Crey scientist whos showing brain. Hes a fan of Lawrence Welk lol.
Lol This is what the MA is for. Here I am, a pretty standard sexy ninja mercenary type, sent back in time by the God of Rock, fighting a mad scientist with an exposed brain whos brainwashing president Carter to love Disco music.
I love this game sometimes. Have another star because one of my students just cancelled a lesson too late, so I dont have to go to work but I still get paid.
The Exit popup is a ra-ra to my overall mission, but I think it could be enlarged somehow.
The debriefing is brief, and Nice save Dirty Promise! needs a comma after save
The Briefing for mission 2 lovin needs an apostrophe instead of that dropped g, and again in the after-acceptance go get em text.
Lose twenty thousand stars for Pedant-Baiting
So onto Mission 2: Destroy Disco Music.
This takes place at the Disco Demolition.
Its a shame we dont have a football stadium map, but the outdoor park map does a fine job as a replacement. The Nav instruction is suffering from Dude, Wheres My Verb syndrome, however lose a zillion stars or add to destroy to the instruction.
Im not massively bothered about the Nav, tbh, because I can see customs here, and their names, Disco DJ, Dancing Queen, Disco granny etc, are piquing my interest. This is also what the MA is all about. Ive fought most canon groups now, which is a big part of why I stealth a lot. Every time I meet a new custom group in the MA, however, its like being lvl 0 again and warily approaching my very first Infected. Wicked.
The customs costumes are serviceable enough, especially Kung Fun Fightin (bag of apostrophes for your birthday, WN) but Disco DJ needs flared trousers if you can manage it. Dancing Queens outfit is spot on, love the shoes especially lol.
Their bios are also good, but one little niggle is that the bio for the Divas is in the past tense whereas the others all describe them now, using either the present simple or present perfect. Dancing Queens bio needs a tiny tweak too.
Kung Fu Fightins bio is brilliant, and after reading it I immediately decide to have a fight with him.
OW! Lol 1 of each of those, all conning white, at the same time, and they did me in about 40 seconds! What a combo! Ill be more careful after I get back from the hospital.
So the Disco nation mobs are a mix of DB, Sonic, Elec, Psychic, maybe, and MA. Theyre a nasty combo in a group, for sure. I have a go at a few groups of varying sizes, and conclude that theyre pretty well pitched in difficulty/challenge for me. If Im careful, Im ok. If I wade in and treat them like canon mobs, I get into trouble. The Prince of Disco is also groovy.
Wooh! Another badge! Have some more stars
um, go on, make it a googolplex.
I hear a battle going on deep in the woods, and rush over (good job Im stealthed) to witness some Rock and Roll Nation' mobs finishing off a spawn of Disco Nation dudes.
I destroy a few crates of disco records etc, and the map fills with more rockers as I do. When theres one crate left, a new objective appears. Its time to fight the Big Bad.
But first, that last crate. Which gives me another badge! An Infinity of stars for choo!
Dr Disco Fever is an elec something, I can see before I fight him. His costume is great. His bio contains a minor language error ourobouros needs an in front of it, not a. Also, heres another Magical Infodump issue. Dr Discos bio contains the info which produces an ah ha
moment where I now know what the cause of the situation (and origin of Dr Disco) is. The bio itself is great and the info is definitely necessary for the story, but it makes me think about one aspect of IC/OOC info delivery in the MA; the bios.
I shall digress here, As Is My Wont.
Glowie:Computer. Clue: your hacking of the computer reveals this message;hahaha, my plan is to turn world leaders heads into pumpkins tih my Pumpkin-head-O-Meter!
is easy enough to absorb as a literal thing which gives your character info. Bios, on the other hand? Mobs dont have signs they hold up telling your character about them. These are (unless used in some clever manner) directly for the player, and usually just give some interesting additional information about said mobs. Wether or not they can be treated in the same way as clues in terms of information delivery systems for narrative progression is an interesting meta-wossname question. In this specific example, it might be easier to ask how else can WN impart this info to the player? it would either need another objective of some kind, maybe a collectible, or perhaps it could fit into the boss defeat clue in some way. Ill return to this after the Boss Fight. Gimme a sec.
I activate all my thingamajigs and attack!
Lol his dialogue is great during the fight. He isnt hugely difficult. Nice final nod to KC and the Sunshine band, and I really liked the silk shirt line $150 is probably an astronomical amount in 1979!
He doesnt drop any Boss Defeat clue, which would leave space for that reveal to be in there instead of his bio this would have the added benefit of saving the reveal till after the boss fight. That said, however, Ive just had a very enjoyable fight with him knowing all the stuff about his past already, so hiding that from the player till after hes defeated might lessen his appeal as a fleshed-out character. We care about (either like or love, or dislike or hate) people that we know stuff about, so in this case it may be better to let the fun outweigh the mechanistic integrity of the mission. So in conclusion, have 500 stars for the Fun, and lose 500 stars for the Magical Infodump
Exit Popup comma please after on, but plus eleventy stars for the three exclamation marks.
The debriefing has a comma where it shouldnt lol (after everything), and is very brief, but performs its well done, thanks function just fine, and finishes with FIVE exclamation marks, which pleases me no end.
To sum up, this arc is a lesson in Elegant Simplicity in my opinion. The first mission is short and nicely crafted, with no fat in terms of mechanics, featuring minimal text which delivers all neccessary information.. The second mission is the payoff to the firsts feedline. The destructables in the second mission are a good example of how mission pace can be directed by the MAuthor. They slow the action down enough to make the mission grander than the first, and there arent too many of them so the Player isnt groaning under the weight of tasks. People may not notice this, which is a shame, but theres a simple yet very useful mechanic at work here. The boss is held off until near the end (and is a textbook example of a basic Final Act Boss Appearance), and the addition of the rockers gives a sense of other stuff happening whilst the missions progresses.
MOST importantly, its patently been made by someone sporting a big cheesy grin its FUN
Its not Tolstoy, of course, but it doesnt purport to be. It could do with a little polishing, but even as it stands its great. You dont have to take my word for it check it out in the MA search. 302 plays and 4-stars says 'quality arc'
4-stars and an unreserved recommendation for anyone with a sense of humor.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
And as a special Free Gift, heres a quick review of Death to Disco (minus ten thousand stars for no exclamation marks!!!) by @Lich-King.
Its Medium length, 1 map, heroic morality, and the description says that DJ Zero wants me to save reality from a fate thats WORSE than total annihilation (plus a good few thousand stars at least, for this lineJ). Yikes! Id better get on that immediately
after Ive had a bath and logged back in with MrCaptainMan.
Ahh
clean, fresh, an hour left before work
Can MrCaptainMan save Reality from a fate worse than total annihilation?
It looks like all he has to do to succeed in that is Fight a Boss, Collect Something, and Defeat All Enemies
hmm
Ah well, nothing Ventured
Wow. I didnt realize DJ Zero was so short, what with only having seen him hovering up there before.
The briefing is amusing enough, but I think needs a hyphen in the word trans dimensional, and sets up what looks to be a simple Standard Get n Defeat mission.
Mission 1: Make Sure Disco Stays Dead.
Theres no time travel involved in this one, the fate worse than total annihilation is simply Disco music becoming popular again. The briefing also points out that I dont have to actually Defeat All, just the Boss and his entourage, so plus a handful of stars for thinking of the little children-uh, I mean thinking of the player who might have noticed that Defeat All in the mission listing.
Its the rave warehouse map, and a large-ish entry popup tells me I can hear Gloria Gaynor music (Im not bothered that its actually the standard techno music I can hear
hmm, I guess I could mess with the sound files and replace that sound file with I Will Survive
that would be awesome
plus ninety-nine stars for making me think of that)
Hm. Minus infinity stars for the fact that after typing that paragraph, I switched back to CoH to find myself facedown on the floor!
LMAO it DID say patrol in the description, so its my fault. Have your stars back because Ive got RotP.
Bio for East Side Hustler has a typo He make speak softly. The Disco Wizards customs are nicely designed, and their bios are long and amusing. Their powersets reflect their names; Disco Inferno is Fire, for example.
On the way to the final room I find some crates and a wall safe etc. They contain various disco records I have to confiscate. The clues are amusingly written.
The Big Bad isnt very Big (yellow conning Boss) but his fighting dialogue is great and his bio is v funny. With relative ease I mop up his guards in the final room and the mission ends.
This little arc is like
how can I put it? If it was a radio mission, people would be saying Have you played that Disco Radio mission? Good fun, isnt it?
I cant find anything horrible to say about it at all bar the very minor typos. I was half expecting some kind of farm, but instead I got a nicely written humorous time-filler that did the job it set out to. 4-stars.
Wow, how about that? Two lots of Disco goodness for the price of one! Awesome!
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
Thanks for the great detailed review Cap! I guess it is true, commas are more of a weakness than numbers to me It always amazes me when people find these sorts of errors and typos on arcs with 300 plus plays since the first 300 missed them (as did I).
I actually have spoken with Lich-King and he was thinking of changing the name of his arc (since mine was published first).
As a side note, I got such positive feedback on Dr. Disco Fever I actually decided to have him step out of MA and into the "real" world. He currently resides on Virtue and has yet to convince anyone to help him with his cause.
Thanks again for the review!
WN
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
Can you put my heroic arc in the queue?
Arc ID# 195202
A Bad Hand from a Worse Dechs
4 missions, no defeat all, one EB (on diff 1 will be a boss, I think)
Yeah, I know it's in my sig, but I might change that...
EDIT: Sorry, I just noticed the post of yours saying that your queue was full and to hold requests until after you finished. Feel free to /ignore me.
Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.
With some amount of careful testing on multiple maps, you can produce an objective chain that consistently spawns in a linear manner for the player and that doesnt require backtracking. It IS possible.
It is not, because you do not control the player's actions. If the player misses a trigger or deliberately skips to the end of the map he will have to backtrack to find the trigger and then backtrack again to complete the new objectives. Arguably this is the player's fault for not being thorough or trying to take a short cut but now we're in "punishing the player for not playing correctly" territory.
Well, if you see Azuria as Dullard Queen of the Tedium People and think that her canon voice reads like a 1,200 mg a day Thorazine addict whos lost the will to live, then you were bang on with that voice.
Ambiguous, are you claiming she is not written in character or not? I've reviewed her text on ParagonWiki and I think she is. Ditto for the Legacy Chain.
God, no. Change the there are bodies everywhere! sentence, thats all. Make it a strike force of Legacy Chain or sth. You have this My writing SAYS something is so, to hell with the actual stuff the player encounters! attitude.
You arent very flexible, Venture.
I'm not flexible? You are arguing that writers should be limited to what the game can actually portray. The entire purpose of the text is to describe things that it can't.
I thought you were into RP, and yet you seem to have no regard for the difference between IC knowledge and OOC. The average player doesnt even need that entry popup spelled out for him at all the Nav instruction would do. The character, however, has just entered what looks like an empty modern office building, and there is absolutely no sign that anything is amiss. No noise, no fights, nothing.
Because there can't be. (Unless, again, I want to fill the place with corpses -- and then get complaints that they're in body bags.) Thus, the text sets the mood.
I guess every time an RPer (e.g.) describes his character as wearing a piece of jewelry or such that doesn't show on the avatar he's out of line, since you can clearly see that he's not wearing it. Emotes lacking animations must likewise be forbidden.
With enough testing, Player Runaraound can be minimised if not avoided altogether.
Not until the game becomes a side-scroller.
Yeah, cos nothing says Quality arc! like a 3-star rating after 58 plays.
Your (rather obviously vindictive) reviews are the worst ones my arcs have received. And those are still three-star reviews, since you couldn't credibly one- or two-star either. Reviews and comments have otherwise been consistently good. I don't pay too much attention to the rating system because it is too easily griefed. Too often when I post a bad review I almost immediately get a string of lowball ratings. (When the MA database was copied to Test, where zero-star ratings have been removed in i15, all three arcs jumped to 4 stars.)
But the point youre referencing here wasnt about clue order, it was about the mission complete clue thats supposed to be Cinovars speech arriving when Cinovar was nowhere near me.
Right, because it's completely impossible that the character might walk over and talk to you after the mission! Are you actually this literal-minded?
If Cinovar hasd been defeated before that clue drop, it would have been even more incongruous.
Cinoval. If you're going to complain about typos and attention to detail try living up to your standards.
I don't know if that's even mathematically possible, at least on a solo map and when he's actually using his secondary.
Not everyone will have your encyclopaedic knowledge of canon lore.
Everything referenced is found in-game, not dug out of web pages or the like. By level 41+ the player should have basic knowledge of the canon.
So, let's add this up...you didn't complain about any plot flaws or holes. You didn't claim it was "just a bunch of stuff that happened", or that I threw the Idiot Ball at anyone, or about canon inconsistencies or established characters being out of character. I didn't powerpose the player unacceptably or show him as being used as pawn or anything like that. Your complaints are that you disapprove of the manner and order in which clues are delivered, I used some locutions you don't approve of but aren't actually incorrect, there were a few typos that dozens of people either didn't notice or didn't think were worth mentioning and I used text to describe things that couldn't be shown in game.
Did I miss anything?
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Hi,
haha, awesome. Just call us the Knockback twins!
Inspired by the many other reviewers on this wonderful forum, I've decided to have a go myself.
My particular USP is that I'll be writing the reviews as I play through, giving an 'as it happens' and 'as it seems' experience of the arc in questiojn. I won't be editing it much afterwards, so it might come across as a bit stream-of-consciousness.
My MA play toons are MrCaptainMan, my 50 e/en/fire Blaster for heroic content, and the Dirty Promise, my NB/Nin Stalker for Villainous. My preferred playstyle is to stealth as much as possible, although if I meet any customs that grab my attention I'll be happy to do some blamage. I read as much as I can, I love a good story and I'm also partial to some slight-to-medium challenge. If i can't defeat an EB, it's a downer, but a worse crime is spelling mistakes or bad writing.
Right then, lets kick off with an arc from our very own Venture, shall we?
Chains of Blood. Arc ID 4829, Heroic, Very Long.
I played it solo on my 50 en/en Blaster
57 Plays, 3 stars when I started it.
Tl;dr: Rescue [sb], collect [sth], defeat [sb else] x4 + EB 3 stars
Mission 1: Rescue the Knight Twins. One of thems called Evan "Venture" Knight. Oh dear.
After an average briefing from Azuria, I head off to Oranbega.
The first body bag Inpsecting reads the popup as I examine it (that's a spelling mistake, it should be 'inspecting). This is the body of a Legacy Chain member. You have no idea what he was doing here. Thanks for telling me that, otherwise I might have jumped to wild conclusions.
I find the two trapped Venture toons and things improve. Venture himself has a very cool costume, the helmet goes really nicely with the roman chestplate, and the capes a good choice.
The other one (Eva) is the same, except in purple. I guess from their identical costumes theyre maybe part of some bigger group or something.
Theres another body bag to inpsect here too.
So they both run off without helping. Venture tells me his systems are offline, so thats understandable. Eva says the die is cast in Latin (wouldnt be a Venture arc without some Latin, would it?) and then runs off. The clue she drops (Incidentally, if I played this as Venture has said he does in the past, blasting through it and reading all the clues at the end, I wouldnt now know why Ewa ran off without helping, which would come over as a bit rude) says You remember reading that her fusion is unstable. No I dont, because I havent. Until this arc, I didnt know Ewa Starfall Knight from Adam. Maybe Venture should put a link to his Character page in the description with advice to read all about his toons before the Player plays it.
Anyway, she cant stay to help me defeat the kidnapper, which is what the Nav now tells me to do. As Ive just resuced them both without any great difficulty, and Azuria sent me here to Rescue the Knight Twins, I wonder why Im now being told by some mysterious inner voice to go beat sb up, tbh. Or I would if I wasnt painfully aware that this is a game, Ive rescued the hostages, so Boss Fight has to be next. Its a tradition, or an old Charter, or something. Venture (the author I mean, not the toon I just rescued) wants me to go have a Boss Fight, so in lieu of any character-driven reason for doing so, thatll have to be my motivation.
Only pausing to inpsect another Legacy chain body, I look for the kidnapper maybe hell be wearing an I kidnapped some Mary-Sues and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt T-Shirt
Aha! Blood Redeemer Thaloquin looks like a suitable candidate for the kidnapper!
One thing Ill say for Venture he can clearly be excellent at costume creation. This Tahloquin dude looks fantastic. I tend to be hit and miss with my costumes, so I try to be quite minimal usually. Im wary of trying stuff with hoods AND masks and shoulder stuff. This guy has a hood and a skull mask and shoulder spikes and a cape and shoulder pads of some kind and a cool jacket, and it all fits very well.
His powersets are No Freaking Idea/Died Immediately. He did shout out for aid whilst he crumbled to the floor on my second shot, but alas it wasnt an ambush. I used to hate them, but I quite like them now at the end of an easy Boss fight. Theyre like an After Eight mint to follow a nice dinner.
He drops a book, which apparently is a family tree encyclopedia, only Magic.
Thank the Entities you were successful. The involvement of the Legacy Chain was not foreseen, and this tome you have recovered bears closer examination.... says the Azuria Robot in a dull monotone in my debriefing. Thats me suddenly wondering if this will all be revealed as a Nemesis plot at the end.
In briefing for mission 2, Azuria tells me that the Legacy Chain tried to save the Knights. I dont know how she knows this. She hasnt mentioned learning it from Venture or Ewa (in fact she didnt mention them at all apart from that one sentence) and all I found were dead bodies. There was no conveyed connection between the legacy chain bodies and the knights at all in Mission 1. Perhaps there were battles I missed?
Nope, just checked. Weird.
Oh, of course. Azuria knows because shes Magic. Thats it.
So, into Mission 2: Defend the Legacy Chain Base
-eh? Uh, the family tree encyclopedia has run out of Magic (possibly until its needed later in the arc?) and a Legacy Chain base is being invaded by the CoT, Azuria has just learned! When? How?
Magically, because shes Magic.
Thankfully, the Olsen Twins have been told to stay away (for perfectly acceptable and believable narrative reasons).
There are bodies everywhere. screams the entry popup. Or it would, if Venture didnt suffer from an allergy to exclamation marks. Its like wading through liquid valium sometimes, this prose.
I find one of the aforementioned millions of bodies. It has been killed by Circle magics. Pluralizing an uncountable noun is a cardinal sin in my book.
I find a few scattered pages on a bookshelf with twenty books-sorry, TOMES on it (there are no books in this arc, only Tomes). I dont know exactly what the scattered pages are from. The infodump the clue delivers is clear enough, but Venture doesnt know how to wrap that info in a simple delivery. Im wrinkling my forehead at the scattered pages loose concept rather than just absorbing the info. Theyre scattered, but I got them from a smallish bookshelf. Venture may have a more nebulous idea of what the glowies signify, but as far as I am concerned , if a glowie is a bookshelf, then Ive just got a clue from something Id find on a bookshelf. a pile of scattered pages would be slightly better, but why not just get rid of the scattered altogether? It has no added value and it muddles things.
Blood Redeemer Esiliaaargh is the Boss Fight this time. Another very nice costume, but a bit monochrome. Nice tattoo hes got though. His powerset is psychic something, but he goes down really easy too.
Just a captive to find and thats the Legacy Base defended!
Ah, here he is. Rescue captive, examine final body (which means that that initial there are bodies everywhere entry popup was referring to eight bodies. Maybe ventures had more experience with quantifying corpses, but I wouldnt use everywhere until were talking 20 or 30).
The captives clue is either a self-referential piece of shining wit-no, its not. Its rubbish. The captive doesnt tell you anything, basically.
Incidentally, I find it quite amusing that I was told to defend the base, but actually I ignored all the invading CoT apart from the 2 guarding the archivist and the boss and his aides. Maybe the LG can hot-desk with the CoT I left inside.
At the debriefing I stare into Azurias dead eyes as she intones dully that now the Chain want [the Knight Twins]. Shes gleaned this because of a single vague clue from mission 2, listing the twins as undeclared members of the Legacy Chain. What does this mean? Theyre members but they want to hide it? Theyre members but they dont know it? Their membership fees have lapsed?
Azurias Magic, though, so Ill take her word for it.
So, a brief recap at the end of Mission two. What have I discovered? According to Azuria, whos much better at divining the meaning of Ventures clues than me, The Circle of thorns and The Legacy Chain want Ventures two main characters.
OK.
Mission 3: Retrieve the stolen records. Er, Azuria did tell me in the debriefing for Mission 2 who stole the records and what records shes on about, but I forgot while I was mopping up the drool escaping from her slack mouth as she delivered her lines.
Right, so Ive got 2 objectives in this bit of Oranbega. Defeat the Boss, Bellyachius, and find the Arch-Tellus, whatever that is. Im sure itll stand out.
[10 minutes later]
this map blows huge chunks.
I find Blood Redeemer Beliastios, whos got the exact same costume as the other Boss Fight blokes, except its blue whereas the first one was gray and the second one was yellow. Or possibly green. Im noticing a trend here. Venture might be color-blind, perhaps (This isnt an insult, Im serious if so, fair enough and nice way of avoiding any color-clashes)?
Belastios is Fire/Something; he drops like a stone, and what a stroke of luck - I find some of his notes nearby too lol.
Belastios notes elaborate on what you already from the Chain's papers. come on Venture, this is schoolboy error stuff. 57 plays and no-ones pointed that out? How many you got in your SG, 56?
Theres a lovely animation on the release of the Arch-Tellus (Legacy Chain geezer whos mission is the same as yours what, to find the Arch-Tellus?), but his costume isnt up to the usual standard. The helmets a bit big, he looks like hes borrowed his big brothers helmet for the day.
But enough of that! Ive got two more clue drops! One is some blather from this Tellus, about how the papers we are to recover will make everything clear (and not a moment too soon!), and then at exactly the same time the other clue tells me Ive found the papers! How lucky was that, they must have been right here with Tellus or on the floor near..or maybe one of the guards dropped them I dont know, but Ive got them now.
They reveal the AMAZING SECRET which I wont spoil for you in case Venture pays you to play his arc, but my reaction was pfffmeh.
LMAO the exit popup then tells me that a thorough search of the area turns up the missing papers.
OK, so Ill try to offer some constructive criticism here, instead of just being sarky. The final clue that drops INSIDE the mission tells me whats in the papers, so before I exit, I am told Ive found them, and I know whats in them. The exit popup appears AFTER this, yet is in the present tense A thorough search turns up the missing papers , which seems to say that the search happens now, after I exit the mission. To avoid a coffee-spurting laughter reaction, the exit popup could be worded thus: a thorough search of the cavern revealed the missing papers, which made interesting reading , although Id just simplify it by putting the thorough search reference into the clue inside and changing the exit to some flavor text linking back to Azuria.
I have no hopes that Venture'll heed that advice, of course, because he doesn't like me.
So onto the next mission.
Mission 4: Meet Elder Cinoval (hes the Big Good Guy I think).
The mission starts in an office map, with a nice clean corridor stretching away silent and empty in front of me, but the entry popup tells me that the Circle is inside the Elders underground sanctuary and also that it seems the Elder has sent his aides away and is holding the line himself. How do I know this stuff? It makes no sense.
You cant just push info at Players without giving them some explanation of why their character knows it. And its not brain surgery, this:
The office building seems quiet, but the distant sounds of [fighting/earthmoving/Titans servomotors/Freak Techno music] tell you that the [bad guys] are already breaking through into [the guy youve come to help]s underground base.
would solve the problem of me knowing theres bad guys up ahead even though I cant see anything upon entry.
Onward I go.
One of the nav instructions is 4 Cinoval's Tomes, so not only a missing verb but also a dropped preposition. 4 of Cinovals tomes to [verb] wouldnt leave you open to this bit of finger-wagging from me.
I also have to defeat Xanos, apparently, according to the nav. Weve had one mention of Xanos before one of the Redeemers moaned out his name as he swooned like a girl, I believe, but apart from that I have no freaking idea who Xanos is. Well, obviously Eco knows hes the Boss Fight, but MrCaptainMan doesnt know. Just like when earlier, MCM didnt know who the kidnapper was, but there you didnt magically thrust the info into his head. Whens your birthday, Venture, Ill send you a bouquet of Consistency.
Oh look, a big hole in the ground. Quelle Surprise.
OK, a short stealth later and I find Xanos (Another Redeemer, gray again) and a pile o books glowie. We will not fall with victory within our grasp! shouts Xanos as I two shot him. The pile o books gives me some mumbo-jumbo containing the word magicks /sad headshake. Is it magics or magicks, venture? You wouldnt have this problem if you just called it magic like normal people.
Into a big cave, and The Elder Cinnamon is waiting. Oh, yes. Hes got medieval leather togs, groovy shoulder studs and a great helmet, and his EYES ARE SHINING! He looks awesome. I hope hes got a big mallet, that would be perfect.
But first ill get another glowie.
hm, the book glowies are on random placement, perhaps, because I encounter them out of order. This might not bother some players, but as far as I am concerned , things like this detract from a sense that the arc has been made with care. One of the clues here has an introduction explaining that the text that all 4 glowies gives is one statement by one of the LG. Unfortunately, I got that bit of info after reading two apparently random quotes. Again this might be a side-effect of playing with a brutes playstyle in mind If I ignore the clues window until Ive finished the mission, then of course all the clues will seem to be in the right order.
But Im not a Brute.
Cinovars clue drops in the middle of the clue list. I can tell which one it is because Ive been reading them all as I go, but theres no way to tell otherwise that it is his.
I believe that clues should appear in the clue list as much as possible in the order that the player encounters them in the mission. It often possible to tell what elements of a mission have been added at the end because of the way the clue list runs. Its not vital for a mission or an arc to be clean in this way for it to be a good arc. A virtuoso violinist is still a maestro in a mechanics dirty overalls, but the paying audience in the concert hall is better able to concentrate on his music if he wears a nice suit.
Woohoo! No mallet from Cinovar Hes en/en, just like MCM!
Haha, that was hilarious! I played CoT tennis with Cinovar. Brilliant.
After a bit of fun, though, I leave him. I still need to find the last tome o plenty.
Ah, its all the way back in the office building hidden in a cranny. Interestingly, it does have a little intro sentence this tome contains , so Ill amend my earlier complaint. Two of your tomes have this, two of them dont. Consistency, Venture. You seem to have the space, so thats no excuse (lol and if you dont have the space, theres that old gag about how real writers learn to work within limits) and as it stands, its messy.
And finally, the last clue.
Lol. Remember I left Cinoval back downstairs in the caves? The clue that drops as I find the last glowie is a speech from Cinovar. Got quite a loud voice, that dude, eh?
I hit exactly this issue when I was testing the Audition. I was lucky enough that the mob I left behind who had to deliver a final clue speech was in a tech base, and wired up to the intercom, so all I had to add was ..says X over the base intercom.. to the final clue, and bingo, no wtf? Lol dude, that guys like on another floor. I doubt you can do that exact thing here, cos its all Magic, but you should be thinking about as many variables as possible. Every single forehead-wrinkle you can anticipate and prevent will pay you back in ratings.
Cinovars clue gives the first genuinely interesting read in the whole arc, and its well-written too, but then at the end he says MrCaptainMan...you and your fellow heroes should be proud. my fellow heroes? Im soloing. This is either amateurism combined with the arrogance that your arc will ALWAYS be played in teams, or its a clumsy way of referring generally to the actions of the heroes of Paragon, and unnecessary.
Outside I go, for the debriefing and to rate.
-Eh? Its not over? Theres a mission left
So Ive rescued The Knight twins, Ive beaten up the bad guys, Ive rescued the Good Dude, what else is there for me to do?
And Azurias not making it any less confusing. She tells me that the arc has had 4 nearly identical rescue [someone], defeat [someone], collect [something] missions so far. We need a Big Finale where you rescue [someone youve already met] and defeat [an EB] on a Unique Map. Possibly youll get help from [Someone youve already met as well]
Ok, no she doesnt. She tells me I have to
Mission 5: Face the Redeemers. I have to go to Nerva (Unique map, check). She also tells me in red to gather my allies, suggesting that this might be a hard fight! Its been a long lie-down in the park after glugging some Nytol so far, so a challenge would be nice. She also tells me Entities grant that I am wrong and Cinoval yet lives. Not THE Entities this time, just any old Entities. Her diction isnt any less monotonous, though. Her dialogue reminds me of the anyone anyone guy in Ferris Buellers Day Off. At least this time we dont have to worry about magics, or magicks. Id half hoped for a magycks this time, but Ventures settled down with some magical energies so alls well.
Great map, this. And the verbs are back in the Nav instructions. Looks like 4 boss fights, an EB (check), and a destructable. I was sure those Knight Twins would show up again. Respect to Venture for not shoe-horning them in.
So the Redeemers are back again. Didnt I defeat them earlier? Why are they here? Apart from the fact that theyre in the custom group for this arc already so Venture can get another few fights out of them without stretching his memory, I mean.
I find the destructable, an altar with standard description. I fly above it, two-shot it, nothing attacks me.
The Redeemers go down in two shots again too. Redeemer Xanos bio has changed to reflect the situation, which is one good note amongst this morass of mediocrity. His death clue contains 4 instances of the word blood.
Which leaves the Big Bad, an orange conning EB. I was going to compliment Venture on another sterling costume, but upon wiki-ing it I discovered its a standard. Good looking EB, anyway.
I eat a trayful of various inspirations and drop into the fight. She loses. The mission complete clue gives me some more hands-on-hips stuff from Cinovar, which tells me how he saved the world or something. He refers to a ritual which I cant remember being told about, and theres mention of the Mu, who I see from paragonwiki are a CoV faction (So YAY for those players who know the stuff youre obviously supposed to know before you play this). There might be another reveal too, but its all very tacked-on. If the arc had ended with mission 4 I wouldnt have wondered where the end had gone.
Then, after exiting, theres a lusterless debriefing from I do not use contractions when Venture is writing me Azuria, who tells you that in the last mission to rescue the Good Guy, you actually had no chance and she knew this before you started it. You know, when even your own contact thinks that your last mission in an arc is pointless, that should tell you something.
And thats it. I rated 3 stars; It would have got 5 if it was fun, thought-provoking, funny, either cleverly complex or elegantly simple, clear, mechanically admirable, emotionally engaging or well-written. It wasnt any of these.
It lost 1 star because it wasnt clean enough. Schoolboy spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes are bad enough, but it is also messy mechanically. The Nav instructions arent consistent and the information delivery systems are slapdash and I have to assume badly tested for sequencing and logic.
The challenge level was unfortunate in that as everything was so incredibly easy to defeat (apart from the EB which was half a challenge), there was no excitement to be had from the combat either. But I didnt downrate because of that, as Im primarily an SFMA-centric player.
It lost another star because the story itself is dull, unclear, and tediously told. Its not appalling, however, just banal; you write like a precocious, wordy 15yr old D&D GM except without the redemption of any added fart jokes. Theres just no pizzazz, no OOMPH to it, its joyless. Dialogue like The other leaders bade me hold my tongue makes me groan out loud because its produced completely deadpan. Your writing gives the impression you have no sense of humor.
Kudos for resisting the urge to put your own characters in the last mission, although there really wasnt any special need for them in the first one either as far as I can see the rescuees could have easily have been characters created originally for this arc. Also they were completely ignored after the debriefing of mission 2. You must be aware that a fair percentage of players of the arc will know that they are you (and even if they arent forum-readers, they may recognize Venture as your global), and so as far as I am concerned, this qualifies as a Trivial Pursuit
So there you go.
Watch this space for more stream of consciousness reviews, and if anyone would like me to play their arc and give my opinion on it, please feel free to suggest it.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)