Airheaded Editorials

Poi, Demonology, and Everything I Learned From Hellions, #164235, @londerwost

Heroic, fair bit of combat, but just two (medium-large) maps. Definitely 5-star potential here, nothing broken yet, but needs to leave fewer unanswered questions now and if questions remain, then offer a sequel. I labelled some of those questions below, there's others in this description as well. I expect those answers will add considerably to the complexity and detail in this arc, it's rather sparse at the moment.

The Vegemite Kid (level 11 kinetic/dark defender) springs into action on Heroic difficulty.

Ms. Liberty doesn't show information when you Ask about this contact. You might paste something in there from her standard bio, or add something new, if you have space.

So I'm off to find out more about the Hellions. But it's not stated where 'there' is, perhaps it could be Search the Steel Canyon Streets, or Liberty could explain, or in the pop-up.
Unanswered Question: A patrol highlighted the Poi aren't food (or in China, fish) but rather are fire jugglers. After this, "poi" seems to be a dropped element from this point on. Perhaps something more in the rave brochure could tie in to this.
Unanswered Question: Hellions everywhere on the city streets. Where are the regular people?
After battling my way through several Hellions, I encounter The Mole being beaten.
Mole's Clue: hight -> height
Unanswered Question: The clue doesn't suggest why anyone would subscribe to this crazy invitation, or indeed, who can actually read it. Presumably just Hellions, who are fireproof (or fire resistant?), so why trash the warehouse ?
I find half of the papers about devil worshiping. Now I need to find Pyro Dios. What did I do that makes Pyro appear now? I have to search the whole map again, be good if there's a valid reason why he shows up late. It took me a while to get around, my graphics crashed and I had to start this over.
Pyro Dios says "Nothing like the first kill of the day" when Vegemite Kid goes down. It didn't happen twice, but it might, then it won't make sense.
Unanswered question: Also, Pyro lets me know I'm too late, that the rave's already started. Why is he not there? Why aren't all the Hellions here, there?
I do wonder what the "time bug" is, that is mentioned here. I understand there'll be no clock on this, although you'd have liked it that way.
The second clue confirms what I knew, but I still don't know how non-Hellions can read the invitation.
Mission 2 intro: Statesmen -> Statesman
Now, my mission is exactly aligned with the Phalanx's needs from a low level dude. Although I am surprised they don't have mobile phones. Perhaps Statesman is waterskiing, so won't have his phone handy.
Ooh, Liberty says don't follow her, so I think... yup, I disobeyed. A bit of an assumption about my toon, but nonetheless, it's still what I'd have done, assumption or no.
Mission 2 pop-up: hyphenate: battle-trained battle-hardened
It does make we wonder what happened to Liberty.
Neat, 3 of the 4 bombs were in one room.
Found Liberty, beaten. Her description ends "She lieks mudkipz". You might put another description that is more relevant to her predicament. Unless Liberty was poisoned with a mudkipz. I do wonder tho how she was poisoned - I doubt she'd be drinking a spiked drink with these guys, even tho it is a rave.
Liberty fleeing to the entrance is a little out of character. If she can run like that, she can fight. Perhaps have her stand still after rescue, then animate sitting or kneeling on the floor.
unanswered question: Now the Hellion leader has turned up! Why now? After disarming all the bombs? But the clue suggests I've added that goal simply to ensure the instigator is punished. So why didn't I see him earlier?
I see no non-Hellions here, other than Liberty. So what exactly is accomplished by blowing up the place? (This is answered at the end, but only raises more questions - is there a sequel?).
And a good little duel with Fyre Pyre, who I accidentally jumped down upon. It helped that I leveled shortly before.
Now, Fyre does ask why nobody (other than Hellions) showed at his party. Perhaps the language had something to do with it.
The pop-up on return is cute. But you might say "No innocent ravers were harmed...", since I certainly beat on some guilty ones.
Arrgh! The final message doesn't explain why nobody went to the rave. So nobody was at risk (aside from Liberty). I feel a little let down.

Cheers, airhead

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
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Thanks Airhead! This certainly has some helpful ideas for how to improve my arc and I will seriously look at what can be done. I have a feeling I will probably have to bite the bullet and make a souvenir for the ending, fill in some gaps.

I hope you understand that part of the problem maybe the limitations of the arc format itself. A lot of the room for text is maxed out which is why I tried to use clues to fill in the rest. I wanted to keep it short yet interesting enough for a lowbie while at the same time put some humor in there for people who really search deep into the detail (you found the "mudkipz" easter egg but missed the other ones ).

I'll certainly follow the advice that can be instituted into my arc (and correct those damned spelling errors) and really appreciate you taking a nice long look at my arc. Makes me feel good that someone spent there time on it!

EDIT: Ok I made some changes to the arc, corrected some errors, and cleared up a few things. And as I suspected, some things are just going to have to stay because of limitation of space and/or map type. But I think I hit on most of the points you made. Feel free to take another look. I even added a souvenir.

A gratuitous summary of recent review highlights for my arcs:

[ QUOTE ]
'Captain Dynamic, the Great, Faces The Great Face' - Tryouts, Arc 190069. For heroic levels 30-50.
Here’s an opportunity to contribute to the Captain Dynamic phenomenon! If you haven’t seen the three awesome Captain Dynamic videos at www.captaindynamic.com, you might check those out first. This is a story involving multiple architects.

Solo-friendly, Save the World, Comedy. --> POSTER below
[/ QUOTE ]
Doctor Minerva @ CoHMissionReview.com
- "A fun, cute little arc. Five stars in game."
Jophiel's review
- "If I hadn't seen the videos, this would have probably been a low three just because it wouldn't have made sense. Having seen them, ... I went with the full five stars."
Wrong Number's review
- "This arc takes off where episode 3 ends and does a really good job of capturing the overall feel of the videos. It features really neat objective twists, very sharp briefings and the customs are spot on. Funny Level – Very Humorous. Fun Level - Awesomeness!"
LordXenite's review
- "Did it, loved it, 5-stars in my book as it is a niche story which not only builds upon the awesome (imo, of course) work already done by the creators of the CD vids, but adds to it a flair of its own."
Dalghryn's review (AE Story Arc Recommendations)
- "It is a hilarious take on the AE, with one-liners that had me laughing out loud."
Mirror_Man's review
- "The arc was well-written, the comedy was very well executed compared to the other "comedic" arcs I've played, and the small details (such as the colored font and the clever visual gags) really were the highlight of this arc in my opinion."
ArrowRose's review, and again
- "Lots of details, great use of game mechanics and most of all really funny. Notice the captions when opening the crates.
londerwost's review
- "There is an immense amount of detail and comedy placed in this arc. I actually had a lot of fun clicking on the boxes and emails, and found myself interrupting on purpose just to see what it would say. [...] I truly loved this arc and want to see it polished up."
anachrodragon's review
- "Overall, absurdity is really hard to convey, especially in a medium like this. I think you did a great job though, and the arc accomplished its goal... and was really enjoyable and funny. [...] highly recommended!"

[ QUOTE ]
The Amazing Rat Race, Arc 1144. For heroic levels 15-29.
The trial of a young Crey cleaner and his boss. You work with each of them in turn: Unravel the cleaner’s villainous past; Determine whether his employer is dangerous, or just mean. Kheldians beware there is an all-Nictus mission.
Solo-friendly, Origin Story, Drama. --> POSTER below.
[/ QUOTE ]
Perceptor II @ CoHMissionReview.com
- "This is one of those dreaded origin tales. But it’s one that is done right."
Mirror_Man's review
- "I'll start with the positive. There were little to no spelling/grammar mistakes in this arc, and the humor (as always with this author) was of the highest caliber I've found in any AE story arcs..."

Pardon the gloat, and do visit the review links to see the negatives as well

. . . .

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!

All quiet on the Airheaded Editorials front once more, since it's been far more fun posting into other peoples' threads (linked below). But the offer at the start of this thread still stands, PM for proof reading of your newer arcs.

Cheers, airhead

Arc 124319: The Shadow Rune of the Warlocks, @Red Warlock (quick revisit) (not shown, 5)
Arc 117821: The Galactic Protectorate - 02, @Unknown Hero (5)
Arc 254599: Of Futures Past, @Lazarus (5)
Arc 1591: A Minor Vexation, @Faldette (suggestions on intro) (not finished)
Arc 259920: In Poor Taste, @Wrong Number (5)
Arc 260284: A Warrior's Journey - The Flower Knight Task Force. @PW (repeated later)
Arc 3369: Matchstick Women, @Bubbawheat (not shown, 4)
Arc 258133: Ruinous Destiny, @Dreamlord Kuzuji (not shown, 3)
Arc 260107: Don't Play With The Dead, @Obscene (5)
Arc 250480: BE Prologue: Gangs United, @Ozzie Arcane (5)
Arc 174352: The Galactic Protectorate - 03, @Unknown Hero (not shown, 4)
Arc 164235: Poi, Demonology, and Everything I Learned From Hellions, @londerwost (quick revisit) (not shown, 5)
Arc 269714: The Galactic Protectorate - 04, @Unknown Hero (not shown, 5)
Arc 260284: A Warrior's Journey (a tale of samurai) [The Flower Knight TF], @PW (second attempt) (5)
Arc 230100: Pagkagising ng Kaluluwa, @Bayani (written in character as Airhead) (5)
Arc 110866: Defying Fate, @tensionfade (5)

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!

Arc 18503, So you want to be a villain?, @Beach Lifeguard

This review wasn't specifically solicited, but BL's review thread does indicate feedback is appreciated.

My hero, Airhead, played this. (He's quite impressionable. "Duh, okay, I want to be a villain!")

Crey, Customs, Praetorian Clockwork. Strange combination! 4 missions, with 3 unique maps. Strangely, the first mission has a lower level of 30, while the other missions have 1. I might re-test this with a low level hero to see if that's a bad thing.
The Arc Description says conscious, should be conscience.

Strange, my contact is simply called Contact Hologram. "Ask about this contact" doesn't say anything more, you could add a description of the contact.
Mission 1 intro: Its -> It's ; Your not on -> You're not on ; conscious -> conscience
Mission 1 send-off - there's definitely plenty of evil in my actions, but beyond pure evil, what's in this for me? I make Crey poorer, and people suffer, but I think most villains also have a greed aspect. Perhaps I could find some potential gain in the suffering I cause? Playing Crey's stock price, or sell those cures myself to the desperate people? This gets resolved in mission 2, but it did leave me a bit short of motive in mission 1.

Ahh, Crey is very dull at level 50. All Power Tanks. Since I'm a lackey on this arc in any case, perhaps you could set the upper limit a little lower to get more variety in Crey spawns?

Strange that such important cures are in a warehouse, like common goods. I'd expect them to be in a Crey lab.
Rogue Candystriper description: patients -> patients'
The Botanist description: develope -> develop
Rogue MD description: scalpal -> scalpel
Perhaps the CEO should be boss-only to defeat, or else indicate objective is to defeat him and his "management team" or something.

Wedding mission. The groom's animation is... punching his fist into his hand? Saying, "I can't wait to marry my sweetheart!"?? And I thought I was the villain. Then the bride, "This is the happiest day of my life!", is also doing the taunt animation. Yoiks.
for both bride and groom, it's necessary to defeat the longbow around them as well as them. Perhaps could be set to boss-only-to-complete.
Both the bride and groom have only the default lieutenant description. This is definitely a place to highlight why this might be Paragon City's biggest day in years.

Kidnap Child mission. Not sure why "?!" is on the end of the mission title - my behaviour doesn't really give me the right to question such a plot.
Accept string is just "accept", opportunity there to exaggerate my eviltude.
The rich family is protected by The Mob. I think I could get more evil than this?
The child is animated as a kneeling hostage. For extreme pity, could be "receiving punches" or just sitting on the floor.
Once rescued the child, it says "Lead hostage out". Could be "Drag hostage away".
Also, would be good to recolor the child so it doesn't resemble Baby New Year so much
Return message: handicap -> handicapped

The ending is a bit in-between. If I was expected to make moral decisions, you could hint at it with more than just the question mark in the last mission title...

Overall, I think with polish this is a 4-star arc. To get to 5-star, it could be more darkly humorous (it's close already) or if the moral angle is the key here, then the last mission could perhaps have the contact unaware the child is handicapped. Or make it more plausible that the contact is kidding. Otherwise, it really does seem the contact is as reprehensible, or more, than the player, even if the player does go ahead.

Cheers, airhead

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
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Arc 278757, The Rikti Accession, @Mekkanos

This one is by request. Apologies for being a bit of a mechanical review, I made the mistake of trying to do this over several days and so I didn't end up with a good handle on the continuity. To make up for this, I'd happily review again after you're done editing for this.

In summary, this arc is very well polished for an arc with so few plays, and creates a convincing and intriguing story for getting involved with traditional and non-traditional Rikti in about a new and believable problem (beyond their previous 'magic' differences). The arc would do well to also be reviewed by one of the canon-obsessed reviewers (I mean that in a good way) since I don't think my experience equips me in that area. I think it is the only area that you might trip up. The story worked fine for me, 5-stars easily.

My contact for the arc is C'Kelkah! A familiar Traditionalist. She even has a description. She's apparently one of 6 leaders of the Traditionalists. Last I knew her, she was simply a dignitary. Perhaps this takes place after her in-game arcs.
C'kelkah description: liason -> liaison
Mission 1 send-off: seems be -> seem to be
Mission 1 busy msg: taut -> taunt
The heretic looks far more human than Rikti. Perhaps try the Alien helmet for the head? Unless it's intentional that "evolved" does go in a human direction. Bit cliche if it does though. Nice touch with the Rikti melee weapons.

Mission 2 intro: prescence -> presence
I can't tell if your Restructurist Scientist is recolored. It appears to be a Rikti soldier or leader, in typical Rikti colors. Since you can, might try coloring him differently.

Mission 3: finding Rikti in all kinds of odd colors! Nice.
The 'busy' message shows more effort put into it than I've ever seen in a busy message before! Astonishing.

Mission 4: intro: seperate -> separate
Nice mission explanation, many good elements coming up!
I chose not to take on Hro'tDoz.

Mission 5: I really like the multiple outcomes. I chose the "Fail" option. Not what I believe in, personally, but my superhero's power is gullibility, which affects him also, and the last suggestion he got was Rhodes' clue...

That was a short review. I'd like to hear when you've edited, as I'd like to give this a proper go. I don't think I was fully aware of my options when deciding in the last mission, but that's most likely because I didn't play through continuously.

Cheers, airhead

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your review of my arc:

In Pursuit of Liberty - 221702

You are a very constructive and detailed reviewer and I would recommend you to anyone.

If you are bored and care to relook at my arc to make sure I didn't introduce errors while attempting to improve it, that would be great.

If not keep up what you are doing! This board and the world need more people like you

Hi PoliceWoman,

I'll try to keep this short - hopefully doesn't lose its meaning. Your summary of arc 190069's intent is correct.

1. Is the contact, meant to be the "real" Captain Dynamic...?
The arc is written and slotted into MA, no editing taking place thereafter. Captain Dynamic the contact is programmed into the storyarc. There's no AI involved, so he just spouts the text given to him by the architects (CD and perhaps GF), and hacked in places by Captain Slippery. Mindy (who has an AI providing some independence) indicates he won't know things are broken.

2. Why does Captain Slippery change the first mission into a cat rescue? How does he benefit from this?
It's possible the switch was a mistake by the architects or writers (CD and GF have writers helping them as well). If Captain Slippery made the switch, it would be to highlight how pathetic Captain Dynamic's mission is (the one he was supposedly "doing" while you were supposed to face the Snakes). That ties into a planned mission from the videos (videos also showing how pathetic Captain Dynamic is - he doesn't want any danger in his mission). No, not much effort. Very deliberately so.

3. If we are inside the hacked story arc, why are Great Face's emails inside the story arc?
Captain Slippery copied them in there, after raiding them from Great Face's account. He edited the .storyarc file. To discredit Great Face.

4. Why would Captain Slippery include Euronator robots to defeat in the hacked mission? I would think Captain Slippery would be wanting to make his team the good guys, not the bad guys.
Captain Slippery does think he's the good guys. That's why he "replaced" (defeated) Archon Burkeholder, to show he's the good guy, also to show he's better than anyone else. He assumes that since he's a hero, the Euros will be good guys so the player can't hit them (that oversight is revealed in Slippery's dialog at the end).

5. If this story arc is really just something ... republished ... why is (the presumably "live") Captain Slippery inside it?
Captain Slippery has an AI, as he's an actor in the storyarc. He'd gloat if he didn't suddenly discover you can attack him (an oversight by Slippery). He still tries to get you to quit out and go away (he's not real, so he doesn't care about his defeat particularly).

6. How does the changes Captain Slippery makes actually accomplish his goal of stealing Captain Dynamic's identity?
Slippery tries to humiliate Dynamic, just because he's mean. He can wreck Great Face's account, a temporary interruption, but he figures he has enough email dirt on Great Face to make him go away for good. Dynamic, being Great Face's friend, would follow. Name is freed up, Slippery grabs it. Evil plan complete with plot holes... but it's just a plan. Humiliation is key here, so he needs the arc to be in its current state, not Naruto fanfic.

A. How real is Mindy?
Mindy, and Captain Dynamic inside the mission, have an AI. Great Face too. They are preprogrammed actors in a simulation, when the script their AI has suddenly stops making sense. That's why they attempt to rationalize the hacking going on around them. Slippery doesn't rewrite their dialog, he just changes objectives. Evil plan with plot holes...

B. I'm not sure it makes sense for him to wear armor that isn't working?
Not sure how important this is. He could pull it in a suitcase I guess, if that were possible. Or wear parts of it, if that were possible. Options in the costume editor today won't look much like the Rikti outfit. I have no access to anime costume parts. I can't add an aura to a Rikti.

C. Heh, I'd like it if the Snakes actually were terrified of Rikti techie taffy
Yep, the connection is a good one. I'll weave that into the encounter with Boa.

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!

One comment I'm reminded of: If it takes this much text to explain what you were going for in your arc, your arc probably isn't clear enough by itself. Though I am curious about it, I think I should give it a spin soon.

Thank you very much for taking a look at my arc! Sorry it took so long for me to respond but I just got back home from a trip. I've fixed the typos you've pointed out and I'll address some of the more major points you made here:

Quote:

Originally Posted by airhead My contact for the arc is C'Kelkah! A familiar Traditionalist. She even has a description. She's apparently one of 6 leaders of the Traditionalists. Last I knew her, she was simply a dignitary.

Most people probably know her as a dignitary because she is often used for that purpose when she shows up in the game, perhaps due to her open-minded nature. However, when you meet her in the Division: Line arc (Which is where, canonically, you're supposed to meet her first), she states that her current role is one of six Traditionalist leaders. Presumably, she still has that role even as she later gets her diplomatic roles.

Quote:

The heretic looks far more human than Rikti. Perhaps try the Alien helmet for the head? Unless it's intentional that "evolved" does go in a human direction. Bit cliche if it does though. Nice touch with the Rikti melee weapons.

I just tried looking at the Alien helmet and, unfortunately, found the options available for it were way too limited for what I wanted. I'd have something pretty close to the right head shape but the facial features wouldn't look remotely Rikti-like. Anyway, the meta-Rikti aren't really "evolved," just mutated. They only THINK they're the next step in Rikti evolution (If anything, they're a step back considering what the Rikti really are). That's the insanity you've been told about throughout the arc at work there.

Quote:

Mission 5: I really like the multiple outcomes. I chose the "Fail" option. Not what I believe in, personally, but my superhero's power is gullibility, which affects him also, and the last suggestion he got was Rhodes' clue...

I'm glad you liked this aspect. It's something I had in my head ever since I started the arc and it's great that you think I pulled it off.

Quote:

That was a short review. I'd like to hear when you've edited, as I'd like to give this a proper go. I don't think I was fully aware of my options when deciding in the last mission, but that's most likely because I didn't play through continuously.

I hope that I clearly laid out a good number of the pros and cons of each choice in the last two missions, so it may be because of the time gaps that you might not have caught them. Otherwise, I will have to look at how I presented the options again.

Anyway, thank you once again for taking a look at my arc and for the great advice. It's pretty much in a mostly completed state right now, so once I get some extra feedback on it, I'll change it to "Final" status and give you a shout!

Arc 281575, Et In Arcadia Ego, @FredrikSvanberg

This arc needs quite a bit of work, but otherwise has a good premise of aiding the dream world which is being abused by Carnies. The pace comes and goes, the magical feeling comes and goes. The first 2 missions were mysterious, the third and fourth were tedious, the fifth... well, probably suffered from lack of build-up. Also the game spawned an AV 3 levels below me, which wasn't much of a challenge - probably no fault of the author, unless placement was "Any" and pacing was "Ramped up" (then AV might have copped the worst of both). Some special names need explaining along the way, typical of a story that began as an origin tale, but easy to fix. This arc has 4-star potential. I can see 5-star potential but would require considerable rewrite, so I'll say 4-stars but I'm willing to re-review. Details below.


An origin story! It's still a story, good enough for me. Magical too. High-level, consistently level 41+. 3 unique maps, 2 medium maps. That could be pretty big, especially if the mediums are CoT caves. But the monsters chosen are very different - Carnies, and Reflections!
The arc description is sufficient, I need to follow up one of my dreams. Okay, so I'll decide whether I want to play this arc once I meet the contact. But something could be added here to make the arc sound juicier to a random player.
The contact is a regular-looking young man called "The Conduit". Sounds like a superhero moniker. His description indicates he's a placeholder for someone called Dreamlord, for when Dreamlord comes into the real world. Hopefully I'll quickly learn who the Dreamlord is, or else this is not useful information at all. Perhaps it could be also suggested that The Conduit is someone I've met in my dream.

First mission introduction doesn't explain Dreamlord. Is he good, or evil? What's his purpose? To hold back the critters in "dreamworld" from entering our world? Or more? Also, is The Conduit still in my dream when he's talking to me? I think so, since he says he's intruded, but on the other hand, I can see him here.
The Accept string is the default, perhaps could be "Awaken and do ... whatever" - clarifying I'm still asleep. The send-off does clarify I'm still asleep.
Yes, that's a lot of reminders that I meet Conduit in a dream, but it is important to get the player off on the right foot when your setting is unusual.
"My worst nightmare" arrives. He's so... not. Looks like a mid-level Crey tank. Perhaps you could rename him (Childhood Nightmare?). Or use a Storm Elemental (if abstract is okay). Even the Rikti chief mentalist (reflection version) might be scarier, especially if you color it nasty...
The return text and the second mission intro are very similar. Perhaps focus on the dream dust in the return message, leave the invasion to the intro (still mentioning dream dust in intro, since only team leader gets the return message).

Second mission, again a default Accept message, room here to spice things up. So, the Dreamlord's palace (which must be in the real world, since The Conduit is contacting me through dreams) is being invaded. Why does he have a palace? If he's "here" in place of The Conduit, why did whoever-he-was-before-being-The-Conduit possess a palace for the dream lord? Ahah - but it is all explained in the send-off message. I like how we think. Once I enter the mission, a pop-up could explain The Conduit's connection to this abandoned office. Is he a bum here? He's not dressed like a bum.
Aside - can you add an aura resembling reflection-events to The Conduit? Since he's a dream world creation?
The Conduit says, "Follow me" - is he coming to the palace too? Yes he is... in a new guise, which is absolutely fair enough. But shouldn't he also have a reflection event type aura? Perhaps The Conduit is an author's insert, who doesn't have reflection event aura, but for the sake of the story it'd be good for dreams-in-the-real-world to have that consistency.
It'd be best if you can create a custom group from all the level 41+ reflection events, so you rename the group. Not "Shadow Shard Reflections". Perhaps "Assorted Nightmares".
Okay, I meet Dream Raider - and discover that my ally is now the liability. I won't be bringing him along any more!
Great Clue - go bash 100+ carnies. We'll see how that works in AE.
Returning to The Conduit, he mentions Arcadia. I assume that's another name for "dreamland" but I don't think that was defined anywhere. Hopefully it's not from an mythos of another comic company.

Morpheus Heights - is that Peregrine Island? Could say so. There's another bland Accept message, perhaps imply my enthusiasm for the task.
Send-off message suggests "better men and women than me" have been lured by the Carnies. Nobody is better than me! I'm level 50! (Just being facetious, but perhaps avoid that comparison, since the player in this game is encouraged to feel like the best thing since sliced bread).
Busy message - capitalize "Carnies".
The mission has loads of Carnies hanging around. There's no patrol/boss messages indicating what they're doing (okay, it's a semi-permanent street party, but no harm in reminding me of that). And for such a big map, it's very repetitive. Perhaps include some things happening here that aren't critical to completing the arc. Destructible or defendable objects, Battles with law enforcement, muggings, just variant animations, anything at all.
Found the Dreamlord. Capitalize Carnies in his description. He's dancing with the Carnies - the only non-standard animation on the map. Carnies call him Lord Ego, supposedly his new name since his powers were stolen by "his old conduit". I presume then it's not The Conduit that I met. If it is, then this is confusing.
Hm. I guess I'll still go ahead and rescue "Lord Ego". An escort on this map seems gratuitous. Unpopular with some, but I don't mind. Oh wait, I do - this type of exit is not good for escorts. It can be hard to get the escort close enough to the exit point, unlike a conventional door. I got lucky, and I return to contact.

The Hedonist is mentioned again, could clarify that it was Dreamlord's previous Conduit (unless current Conduit doesn't know that). Arcadia mentioned again - could define that in Contact description or first mission description.
Okay, now The Conduit is also calling Dreamlord "Lord Ego". He's never done that before, why do it now?
Fourth drab Accept clause.
Some good patrol text on entry, remind me of the Carnie's intentions.
Oh. It's a single-glowie mission. I think it's a medium map, which is worthy of a bit more than one glowie. Instead of just changing to a small map, could add more depth to the storyline here. Any other objectives at all. Even just a random captive plaything being indoctrinated into the Carnies should deter players from stealthing the whole thing. Otherwise, I'd suggest dropping this mission as uninteresting.

So off to the finale. I think the armor concept is a little trite. It's described well as being non-standard, but just calling it armor is a bit pedestrian. Considering the grandiose theme of the arc. Perhaps it manifests as armor, but could be Imagination, or Positive Thinking, or Dream Will (the power to influence your own dreams), or something. But whatever it is needs to be integral to the overall plot - why is the Dreamlord losing at this time, perhaps because of the armor?
Typo in italicized send-off: lets -> let
There are a lot of duplicate patrols spouting the same text about redecorating. Perhaps split into multiple patrols with varied text.
The Conduit appreciates my arrival, which is nice.
"Shadow Shard" group is here too.
Okay, that's weird. The Hedonist showed up as Level 47 EB (since I'm level 1 difficulty, it's an EB) but I'm level 50 - so he cons blue! Looks like a custom, so shouldn't be level-constrained. I've never seen anything like this.
I found the Dreamlord. He appears to be already wearing his armor, but I guess there's no fixing that.
Nice left-behind and rejoined messages on The Conduit.
The Hedonist has Shadow Shard allies. Another reason to fix the confusion on the Reflections guys' group name.
Since the AV was unusually low level spawn, I didn't have much trouble beating it.

Cheers, airhead

Edit: I'd forgotten to comment on the souvenir, which is a very good one.
Conduit's real name, Conrad - I think this is the first time it's given?
Otherwise, it's well written, and clarifies many of the confusions above (albeit too late for gameplay).

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Arc 297943, A Surprise Fit for a Baron, @Baron Von Doffen

I enjoyed this arc. It's a global-spy-hero story, with good pacing, although some quieter times. I'm at a loss for hero motivation in places. It's a 4 from me right now, but could be a 5. Either the spy intrigue could be amplified (give foreign places more atmosphere with pop-ups and dialog, even language twists) or there could be more personal interest in this - bad guys specifically targeting me by the end (create dislike of the bad guys) or even someone I can like (presumably the contact, every other recurring person is a villain). Perhaps there's other ways to enhance this too! The level range is probably too broad given AV/EBs are present. Other minor stuff below.


Interesting. The arc is for all levels, which is hard to balance - either too hard at the low end, or too easy at the high end. It should be tested at both. 3 medium maps and a unique map - the missions might be expected to have multiple objectives.

The enemies are 5th Column, Custom and Police. Makes sense for a real-world style setting, protecting a global summit. I'm understudy to a (hitherto unknown) group of heroes running the protection. As a level 50, I hope they treat me with respect (this would be hard to balance, given that any level can play).
The contact is a Paragon City Representative. I presume we're hosting the summit!
Contact name: Pargon -> Paragon
Contact description typo: aggreed -> agreed

Mission intro: intrusted -> entrusted
So I'm to take Vann into custody. Yet it is also explained that we never seem to have enough evidence about his activities. Why is this time different?
Oh. Well, I guess I better accept the mission regardless, since that's the only option I have.
And Vann has requested no supers come by him, and he's protected by the Police. Sorry, but at this point I am not being a hero. I am at best a kidnapper, at worst an assassin. As this is a heroic arc, I need a heroic cause to continue. I'm asked to "go easy" on the Police, but I have no cause to invade at all.
Mission 1 send-off: Period required on end of last sentence
The pop-up indicates the Police are on the wrong side. But if this is a summit participant, and there's no evidence of any wrong-doing, they're on the right side.
First two levels has no patrols/bosses providing dialog.
Finally find Vann. There ought to be a reason for my hunting him down, that ideally requires I stay silent (so the Police cannot know better, if they're to be protecting him). That isn't easy. Perhaps the Police are implicated as well, or it needs to be a secret so I'm in the guise of a villain, or something. Anything.
I beat the ambush, and take Vann to the entrance. I stealthed the mission (to avoid hurting cops) so this is awkward. Luckily I have a lot of mez powers, others might not be so fortunate (especially those below level 10).
Okay, so Vann now with criminal investigators. But why on earth couldn't we inform the Police? I don't mind, if there's a reason.
Typo in The Two Global Powers Clue: placed behind -> placed them behind
Reason for my invasion finally comes with the end-of-mission clue. But it needs to be shadowed before I accept the mission.
Typo in exit pop-up: couple files -> couple of files
Mission 2 intro: its them -> it's them
The introduction indicates I'll be facing a known supervillain. Can't I know who, before accepting the mission? Or even afterwards? It's in the mission title, but that's not really helpful when it's a known supervillain. Perhaps some background on Le Souvrain (his MO or archetype, for instance) could be provided by the contact.
Nice map for Peru! I keep looking for opportunities to use that map.
Description of Inactive Bomb: It must be -> They must be
Ahh yes, the problem with this map - everyone is swimming. You could lampshade that problem by having a random boss ask why he has to swim everywhere, when other villain groups provide canoes. Or explain how their villains' boat sank. Maybe even stick in a crocodile?
Le S's description mentions Doctor Velocity (and many other concepts). The only one I don't know: who is Doctor Velocity?
Le S is powerless against mind attacks. That was pretty short. Still, it's an EB (perhaps downgraded from AV, since I'm on difficulty 1). Players under level 30 would seriously struggle here.
I return, and now I'll be going after the League of Rogues. Have I finished with the summit? Could I get a thank-you for that part?

The third mission has me facing known supervillains again with no intel on their abilities. Not even their names, which I presumably saw on my crumpled piece of paper.
M3 send-off: every goal -> any goal
Militia Commander: Milita -> Militia
You could add some recolored militia from other factions to broaden your custom militia group.
Good dialog with the Longbow battle. Not much dialog otherwise.
The big-bads aren't so big or bad, a bit of a pushover for a level 50, but perhaps a good challenge for a low level player.
Typo in Harvester: Dimention -> Dimension
Awesome. I typed the coordinates from the computer clue into googlemaps, and it tells me Geneva (even giving a street number, but I suspect that's pushing the accuracy of the lat-long).
Computer Clue: accessable -> accessible
Nachtbandenkampfer is spelt with a capital K in its description, small K in the return message. Not sure which is correct.
M3 Return message: Its all -> It's all ; aquired -> acquired

Mission 4! The send-off text implies I leave before finding out all I can. That makes a big assumption, I don't think I'd actually run off mid-sentence. I'd need a reason to ignore my contact, which is unlikely, even if I didn't like her. Well, if she was prone to rambling on and on and on - but she's not. And it's not even a timed mission.
Mission 4 entry pop-up: officers It doesn't -> officers, it doesn't
Not sure why 5th Column are involved here. But it gets explained in the AV's description. Not everyone will see that, might want to add a clue for it too, when defeating the AV.
Le S was similar challenge to before, although he spawned at +1, so was a little more challenge. I still wonder how someone low level would handle him, you might want to raise the lower level limit for the arc missions to at least 10. Baron, on the other hand, is an AV - so minimum level should be 30-ish (and test it at the minimum). Although he is a fairly soft AV, since I can chain-hold him. He still hits very hard, and he took me down once.
Incidentally, how did Le S. recover from the last time I beat him up?
The hostage had the name of the real-world UN leader: Sec. Gen. Ban Ki-moon. Perhaps Kan Bi-Moon, or Ban Ki-Sun as a homage rather than a copy.
M4 return message: Its likely -> It's likely ; its only -> it's only ; It's
Global -> It's a Global
Souvenir: 'dove' shaped -> dove-shaped ; Carribean -> Caribbean ; couple groups -> couple of groups
Even the souvenir still doesn't explain why a bombing in the Peruvian countryside would have any global implications.
But a very nice souvenir nonetheless.

Cheers, airhead

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Thanks for the review. I've started fixing some of the stuff you've pointed out, and the arc is looking much better already. Once I'm done with the changes I'll ask for a re-review. Now to explain some other things:

Quote:

Originally Posted by airhead First mission introduction doesn't explain Dreamlord. Is he good, or evil? What's his purpose? To hold back the critters in "dreamworld" from entering our world? Or more? Also, is The Conduit still in my dream when he's talking to me? I think so, since he says he's intruded, but on the other hand, I can see him here.

Without going into too much depth about what I was trying to accomplish with the dream setting I'll just say that for all intents and purposes the Conduit is coming to you in your dream, and asks you to go looking for his mentor or whatever we should call him - the Dreamlord - when you wake up. The Conduit is stuck in the dreamworld until the Dreamlord returns, and that is why he's asking for your help.

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The Accept string is the default, perhaps could be "Awaken and do ... whatever" - clarifying I'm still asleep. The send-off does clarify I'm still asleep.

I don't quite understand this part, but I've altered all the acceptance strings now so it's probably a moot point.

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"My worst nightmare" arrives. He's so... not. Looks like a mid-level Crey tank. Perhaps you could rename him (Childhood Nightmare?). Or use a Storm Elemental (if abstract is okay). Even the Rikti chief mentalist (reflection version) might be scarier, especially if you color it nasty...

"Your Worst Nightmare"'s info should say that he might not be your worst nightmare ever but he's certainly the worst of the nightmares you are currently facing, or something like that.

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Once I enter the mission, a pop-up could explain The Conduit's connection to this abandoned office. Is he a bum here? He's not dressed like a bum. Aside - can you add an aura resembling reflection-events to The Conduit? Since he's a dream world creation?

The Conduit doesn't have a connection to the abandoned office. The office just happens to exist "on top of" the Dreamlord's palace in the dreamworld. You might think of it as the palace being a reflection of the office in a dream, with typical palatial splendor which we can't see because we are in the real world. We can however see the enemies who are in the dream version of the place, since the Dream Sand lets us interact with dream creatures even when we are awake.

The Conduit once used the Reflection Effect but it only seemed to be working when he was flying so I removed it. He's not a dream world "creation", he's a real person's dream-self, so making him look like one of the semi-real dream fragments didn't work so well for me either. I gave him a nice purple glow instead. Oh wait... you mean the contact version of the Conduit? Hmmm, yes, I might be able to use the Reflection Effect on him. I'll try it out.

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Perhaps The Conduit is an author's insert, who doesn't have reflection event aura, but for the sake of the story it'd be good for dreams-in-the-real-world to have that consistency.

Not all dreams or dreamers are created equal so they don't all have to appear the same. The Conduit isn't the "author insert" in this arc, by the way; The Dreamlord is one of my characters on Virtue.

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It'd be best if you can create a custom group from all the level 41+ reflection events, so you rename the group. Not "Shadow Shard Reflections". Perhaps "Assorted Nightmares".

It would if they weren't actually Shadow Shard Reflections, but they are.

Quote:

Great Clue - go bash 100+ carnies. We'll see how that works in AE. Returning to The Conduit, he mentions Arcadia. I assume that's another name for "dreamland" but I don't think that was defined anywhere. Hopefully it's not from an mythos of another comic company.

If another game company has used that name it's because they ripped it off from somewhere else. Arcadia is a particularly pastoral area in Greece, and I think it's been used as a name for various paradise-like places at least since the 17th century. Arcadia is the name of the Dreamlord's part of the dreamworld, his "country" so to speak. This is not explained but it's not that important to the story, as long as people realize that Arcadia is in the dream. I'm making a few of these things more clear in my new version of the arc.

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Morpheus Heights - is that Peregrine Island? Could say so.

It's a residential area that I made up for this mission to take place in, similar to how we are sometimes sent on missions to board a train and go somewhere. Morpheus is of course the god of dreams in Greek mythology.

Quote:

Send-off message suggests "better men and women than me" have been lured by the Carnies. Nobody is better than me! I'm level 50! (Just being facetious, but perhaps avoid that comparison, since the player in this game is encouraged to feel like the best thing since sliced bread).

And what better way to make you feel better than to prove your contact wrong by not falling for the Carnies' tricks? I don't know, I just like this phrase so I'm keeping it.

Quote:

The mission has loads of Carnies hanging around. There's no patrol/boss messages indicating what they're doing (okay, it's a semi-permanent street party, but no harm in reminding me of that). And for such a big map, it's very repetitive. Perhaps include some things happening here that aren't critical to completing the arc. Destructible or defendable objects, Battles with law enforcement, muggings, just variant animations, anything at all.

Noted. I've added a bunch of bosses, patrols, hostages and a street battle already in the new version of this mission, and I'll probably add more stuff as I go along.

Quote:

Found the Dreamlord. Capitalize Carnies in his description. He's dancing with the Carnies - the only non-standard animation on the map.

This was the only non-standard animation in order to make it easier for the player to locate the important spawn. I know how much everyone hates to search for hostages and glowies on outdoor maps.

Quote:

Carnies call him Lord Ego, supposedly his new name since his powers were stolen by "his old conduit". I presume then it's not The Conduit that I met. If it is, then this is confusing.

Conrad is the current Conduit. There have been others before him. Ego is the Dreamlord's name, but since this seemed confusing I've removed that from the new version and use Dreamlord all the time.

Quote:

Some good patrol text on entry, remind me of the Carnie's intentions. Oh. It's a single-glowie mission. I think it's a medium map, which is worthy of a bit more than one glowie. Instead of just changing to a small map, could add more depth to the storyline here. Any other objectives at all. Even just a random captive plaything being indoctrinated into the Carnies should deter players from stealthing the whole thing. Otherwise, I'd suggest dropping this mission as uninteresting.

Ok, this and the previous mission might seem "uninteresting" but what I wanted here was really just a couple of missions where people would have a choice of either beating up a lot of Carnies for xp and tickets, or the option to bypass them quickly by stealthing or rushing. I like to consider gameplay as well as story and personally I like missions where I can choose to fight or not as it suits me.

I have however made a few alterations to the warehouse mission in order to make things more interesting, and I'm planning a few more, so your observations here were most appreciated.

Quote:

So off to the finale. I think the armor concept is a little trite. It's described well as being non-standard, but just calling it armor is a bit pedestrian.

*Shrug* It is his armor. I don't know what else to call it. I have always called it that when I've played him.

Quote:

Considering the grandiose theme of the arc. Perhaps it manifests as armor, but could be Imagination, or Positive Thinking, or Dream Will (the power to influence your own dreams), or something. But whatever it is needs to be integral to the overall plot - why is the Dreamlord losing at this time, perhaps because of the armor?

The Dreamlord is losing because his old Conduit has stolen his armor, which contains a lot of his power. The Conduit has also performed various rituals to drain the armor of said power in preparation for his final attack on the dreamworld. The armor still contains a little power that the Dreamlord desperately needs, most importantly it holds the magical power which allows the Dreamlord to return to the dream.

Quote:

Okay, that's weird. The Hedonist showed up as Level 47 EB (since I'm level 1 difficulty, it's an EB) but I'm level 50 - so he cons blue! Looks like a custom, so shouldn't be level-constrained. I've never seen anything like this.

That is weird. I've never seen anything like it either but I've not played this arc at level 50 yet. Perhaps it's because of the bugs which currently seem to affect the auto-sidekicking system. I don't really know what else it could be. The AV is actually Malaise with new colors.

Quote:

I found the Dreamlord. He appears to be already wearing his armor, but I guess there's no fixing that.

You gave him the armor before he went back to the dreamworld and left a portal for you to follow through. The mission send-off text mentioned it. I've tried to make it more clear in my new version.

Quote:

The Hedonist has Shadow Shard allies. Another reason to fix the confusion on the Reflections guys' group name.

Except that they really are from the Shadow Shard. The Hedonist has spent some time there making friends and taking control over a small army of reflections. I interpret them as dream-like creatures which The Hedonist learned how to take control of. Or perhaps it's worse than that. Maybe Rularuu allowed the Hedonist to think that he was in control when he was actually doing Rularuu's work for him, by finding a way out of the Shadow Shard through the dreamworld. Either way, they really are Shadow Shard Reflections and Soldiers of Rularuu so I see no reason to change their group names.

Quote:

Since the AV was unusually low level spawn, I didn't have much trouble beating it. Cheers, airhead

Thanks again for the review. I'll let you know when the arc is ready for another go.

No worries! I look forward to giving it another try.

I just had a hair-brained idea - perhaps, instead of Arcadia, Dreamlord's palace was in the Shadow Shard, or even [one of the Shadow Shard suburbs]? Not everyone would recognize the connection, but it'd reduce the confusion at having Reflection Events there. This might not exactly match your backstory, but it might be consistent. As always, you're welcome to throw that idea away too.

Cheers, airhead

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Arc 281575, Et In Arcadia Ego, @FredrikSvanberg

This is a re-review. Lots of little changes have been made to make things easier to follow - fantastic!

Plenty more atmosphere in the Carnie mish! The Captive "Civilian" has the description: Ken Kellerman has been kidnapped by Crey. He'll need your help if he's going to escape with his memory intact. Might like to put your own description.
Nice change on the Dream Armor, better than a clickie.
Mission 3 send-off is a strange blue color, rather hard to read.
In the mission, Save the Dreamworld, The Hedonist is now of type "Hero". Since I'm the hero, that's kind of strange. But then it is a dream, so I can accept that. With the aid my two buffed allies, I found the battle fairly easy, but not trivial. It's probably pretty good right now.

This is a nice piece of work. Flows really well. The plot is simple, but the setting is unusual. I like it. 5-stars.

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Thanks again. I'll get that civilian looked at, I didn't remember that they had info text. The blue text seems to be the "official" color for when a contact doesn't actually speak but is doing something instead. I wasn't perfectly pleased with it either so I'll see about changing that part.

The Hedonist is a recolored Malaise. Malaise is a villain sometimes and a hero sometimes. This version was the only one that fit in the entire level range of my story (41-50); there is a 45-50 and a 35-47 range version too. The one I ended up using is a so called Boss Signature Pet or whatever they are called. They are supposedly somewhere between a regular boss and an elite boss in difficulty. That he ends up being designated as a "Hero" isn't something I can do much about right now.

Arc 221702, The Pursuit of Liberty, @Gypsy Rose

I've actually played this before, very early on. At that point, I was struck by the "modern fairytale" elements of a child, artifacts, and the enchanted garden among more conventional CoH elements. I knew there'd be hurdles with many players/reviewers regarding the details of combat balance and plot. But the author has weathered those well, to create an arc that is still true to the original intent, and runs very smoothly. My third pass through this arc rates it 5-stars.


The arc description has covered playability pretty well, how to solo, beware of humor, play at own risk... but I think it undersells the arc. Perhaps just offer the player the chance to work with Ms. Liberty to inspire a future hero in this modern fairytale spanning nine years in the life of young Liberty Rose Jones. Or something. Actually, it's 9 years plus whatever number of years I jumped into the future. This arc is flagged as an origin story. But the problems with origin stories - focus not on the player / overpowered allies / author inserts at odds with the plot - do not apply here.

The first mission involves my first rescue of the future heroine. Evidence introduces me to the villain in this piece.

The plot is quirky. I'm traveling in time, but I have to "hurry", or "it will be dark soon"! Cute. The second mission uses a blue caves map. This is interesting for it is highly unusual. They're often avoided even more than CoT maps, simply because things can be hard to find in these caves. But being brave enough to use one of these maps makes the arc stand out as different. The map is actually quite linear. Exiting, the idea of wearing the heroine's costume ... did not cross my mind! Really! Won't someone believe me?

Mission 3, and I'm after a book and a girl. A nerd's paradise! In an enchanted garden, no less. I find what I'm looking for, and also get to beat up a villain with a great name. My, hasn't Little Liberty... grown. Little Liberty has the book she came here to find, and we're ready for mission 4 - the swords!

And I nab the swords, and save the unfortunate Statesman. Walked into a trap, eh? Great photo opportunity, Statesman looking sheepish and rubbing his elbow after I rescue him. So now Little Liberty's fully equipped! Time for the finale, to finally get Master Al! [as an aside, I wonder if MAL is modelled on a real life counterpart].

And into the fifth mission! Gah. Little Liberty is not Little any more. In fact, Liberty... Rose. Defied gravity. Must... focus... on... bad guys... Found all the good guys within the first minute, but it took a while to find MAL. This time I'll let Liberty Rose join in the fight. Her swords look pretty impressive, for something built by Merlin! Swords, dude. Merlin didn't make the costume. Hey, woah. If I abandon her, she holds out a sword pose. But it's a different kind of sword... Liberty Rose could be one category weaker, and still be a useful ally.
But in the end, I have to give up trying to get her to follow me up a cliff we descended earlier. I take on MAL on my own, and clobber him. Me and his confused robot minions... a nice heroic debriefing, and sadly, my fairytale is over. I can't believe I didn't get any screenshots of Liberty Rose. What WAS I thinking?

Statesman makes a boo boo

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Arc 299972, The Coldest of Wars, @Celestial Nemesis

A canon-related save-the-world mystery! Level range is consistently high, with two small maps, one medium, one unique. Crey (oh oh, Powertanks), Freaks and customs. It's shown to be Final, so I won't suggest any changes. Elite bosses, enemies with custom powers! The plot is very good, with exceptional detail. The Crey Tanks were somewhat repetitive at the arc's level. As it is now, I give it a very solid four stars.


My contact today is Agent Kellum. I'm off to save an FBSA agent from Crey, where he has uncovered a plot to mass-produce superheroes. As feared, my level 50 controller faces hordes of Crey Tanks, so I job past them to take on the objectives. The first computer I find has entertainingly useless data. Ooh! And the security chief is a bit different, pot-shots me from a mile away. I teleport-sleep and take him out - but he has some great dialogue. Er, "she". I hadn't noticed, til the defeat text. The next computer is the same as the first. But the third completes my (or it seems, the hostage's) data collection, I free the hostage, and I'm done!

Okay, so another Crey invasion. With some help from Volta (Terra, presumably) to cut the power. I'll be contacted with 2 minutes til power cut (timed mission! No warning! But I have an hour and a half...). I guess it's considered I'll take 2 minutes to reach the mission. Then power is restored as I enter. I guess that was all perfectly timed then, and I didn't have to do a thing!
I take out the security chief, and let his Crey Tank ambush pursue me as I seek out my objectives.
I find a couple of computers. Then the Engineer, a curious flashback. He has some intriguing allies - including a stripper-bot (okay, ablative bot) called Matryoshka. And a bot with a bow. Cute. Oh nice - the dying bot takes a suicide pill! Awesome.
My clues mention a cemetery in I.Port. If that's Independence, I don't remember a cemetery there. Also spy paraphernalia from the 60s.

I "Accept" mission 3, and I'm off to stop the old fashioned ice cream machines. Awesome plot. It's another timed mission, a whole hour. I arrive in my... Arachnos Flier... and leap into action against the... Freaks. The ice cream machines have turned into spectral analysers - presumably some sort of reconfiguration, they don't look like ice cream makers. They're defended by Frostlings. Were these the vendors? Passers-by? Or something created entirely by the machine?
Good variety in the patrol dialogue. I take out the Freak leader, in case it sheds any light. Seems the Freaks were merely filling the void caused by the catastrophe. I defeat the leader, but the objective remains - perhaps I left some of his group behind.
Okay, so I completed the mission. Not very dangerous situation, really - presumably the defrosted Soviets were supposed to do something while the hazard took place. The minor nature of the hazard was not lost on my contact.

The last mission references Steel Canyon (which looked more like Atlas Park), then it's time to take on the rogue Soviet-era spies. It's another timed mission, so I guess I won't be taking that breather, and I'll finish it right now.
There's some great intel on the enemy provided. Something often overlooked in other arcs, despite having well-informed contacts.
Ooh, I get to rescue a Crey! Nice twist.
Interesting twist with disarming the bomb too. I wonder if the defeat-all requirement could have appeared after the bomb. That might annoy some people though, if they've stealthed it this far.
Awesome dialogue on the big-bads! Careful attention to the animations of their lackeys too. This is a great example to others, of the potential for character-building boss dialogue.

Nice work!

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'Ey, thanks for the review! Good stuff. (and feel free to suggest improvements, there is no such thing as 'final' in my view, heheh) Just some notes...

Quote:

Originally Posted by airhead Okay, so another Crey invasion. With some help from Volta (Terra, presumably) to cut the power. I'll be contacted with 2 minutes til power cut (timed mission! No warning! But I have an hour and a half...). I guess it's considered I'll take 2 minutes to reach the mission. Then power is restored as I enter. I guess that was all perfectly timed then, and I didn't have to do a thing!

Well, sort of... she does tell you that you have 'an hour-and-a-half' before Crey gets their security perimeter back online. The power isn't really restored, the lab has just switched to the backup generators (which are enough to provide lighting etc, but not enough to power the machinery of the perimeter defenses).

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Oh nice - the dying bot takes a suicide pill! Awesome. My clues mention a cemetery in I.Port. If that's Independence, I don't remember a cemetery there. Also spy paraphernalia from the 60s.

I think the engineer takes the suicide pill, captured-secret-agent style. About the cemetery: that's what THEY want you to think! but seriously, I can change it to another zone if it makes more sense (just wanted to stay away from the 'well-known' cemeteries for obvious reasons)

Quote:

I "Accept" mission 3, and I'm off to stop the old fashioned ice cream machines. Awesome plot. It's another timed mission, a whole hour. I arrive in my... Arachnos Flier... and leap into action against the... Freaks. The ice cream machines have turned into spectral analysers - presumably some sort of reconfiguration, they don't look like ice cream makers. They're defended by Frostlings. Were these the vendors? Passers-by? Or something created entirely by the machine?

After the mission it is explained that the frostlings ['cold demons'] were drawn to the cold. I wasn't really able to find any canon on them, so I just winged it, and figured that they'd like the near-absolute zero temperature going on.
About the flier: that's an unfortunate and unavoidable part of the mission (along with the passerbys roaming around). Originally this mission took place in Royal Overlook, but that is far too big, sprawling, and has a lot of annoying little cubbies to hide the glowies in. I went with Atlas which is a bit less immersive, but considerably less annoying. Same with the ice cream machines; there isn't a large variety of destructible objects, and these fit the bill the most (plus maybe The Box has transformer capabilities! Killer ice cream machines, ASSEMBLE!).

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Okay, so I completed the mission. Not very dangerous situation, really - presumably the defrosted Soviets were supposed to do something while the hazard took place. The minor nature of the hazard was not lost on my contact.

The contact tells you that back in 1963 it would've been a lot nastier, with one of those machines on every corner and no rapid-response high-tech police to lock most of them down, but yeah, they did have a backup plan.

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Interesting twist with disarming the bomb too. I wonder if the defeat-all requirement could have appeared after the bomb. That might annoy some people though, if they've stealthed it this far.

The kill-all requirement shows up when you enter. I tried to choose as small a map as possible while still able to spread out the objectives a bit.

Thanks for the review, hope I clarified things a bit! I'll go and fix that atlas/steel canyon thing now [doh, I can't believe I missed that].


-- Z.