Wow... these are some seriously detailed reviews.
I'd love it if you were willing to take a look at any of my arcs, Misho- the names and numbers are in my signature, and I believe that all the relevant info should be in the mission description.
Thanks in advance!
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Fine reviews indeed. I'd be obliged if you could add an arc to your review pile 
If you only want one arc per person, feel free to pick just one of these, whichever one you think looks more interesting.
Through Rose-Tinted Glasses (101681) Villainous
Elspeth Wallace is a senile old lady. Elspeth Wallace knows many secrets. Elspeth Wallace thinks you're Manticore... wait, what? This could be weird... but profitable. (2 Signature AV/EBs)
The Sleeping Star (53951) Heroic
A young girl's friend has gone missing, and she'd like you to help search for her.
(2AVs, 1EB. With one of the AVs, you have an ally. The other is optional. Kheldians may have trouble in the first mission, (bring purples?) but will be fine after that)
Thank you in advance
Name: Of Dice and Dens
Alignment: Heroic (Neutral to, if you like)
Number: 151634
Creator's Global: @dionon
Genre: Story Driven, Semi-Serious, Satire
Difficulty: 3/5 maybe 4
Oddities: 2 Elite Bosses, 1 Timed Mission
Description: When the roleplayers of Paragon City go missing, and iconic creatures of roleplaying appear all over Paragon, is magic trying to take back the world, or is there a new super villain waiting in the wings?
A tounge in cheek story arc spanning 5 chapters. Part 1 of a trilogy making a super arc that spans a whopping 15 chapters.
[ QUOTE ]
Review for story arc: Blitzkrieg
Creator: @Mekkanos
Ok first I need to say a couple of things, nice short and helpful description on the overall arc. I find it funny that people always use Crimson whenever someone mentions the Malta Group, but in this case is ok, makes it feel like you are actually playing an in-game mission arc.
Lets start this show then.
Mission 1 : The dialogue is credible and concise to what you need to do and why. I would change in the Send Off Dialogue window someplace for maybe someone that can actually provide some answers. But is up to you, the author, to either change this or not.
The mission felt pretty cool actually, the enemy dialogues were clever and very in-character for the Malta Group. Theres only one typo, you used to many
in the defeated text of the boss Bishop.
It should be This isnt over, fool. No, its only the
beginning.
Also the clue was really intriguing and let me wanting to know more about the arc.
Mission 2 : Good Intro and Send Off Dialogue, it all feels like something the real Crimson would tell you and the little I can gather of the plot reminds me of the Top Cow series with Apex, War Witch & Horus. Let see how it fares.
In the mish, when I saw my character had entered an Arachnos base I was thinking How cool would it be that the enemy group here were the Rogue instead of the regular ones?, so you can imagine my surprise when I saw that the enemy group was them. I find it very refreshing seeing that it has actually maintained the story-line of the games canon material. The Zeus Class titans are interesting bosses, always fun and hard to battle, but, in this case there seems to be an error with their settings, since they ask for reinforcements when badly wounded, but only one ambush ever responded to the call for only the first of the Zeus Titans, the rest kept asking for them (reinforcements) but none ever came. You can solve this by breaking them into separate Fight a Boss objective, giving them their own ambush spawn.
Again, in the boss final words after being defeated, you over-used the
.. Three are enough.
Nice clues, I especially liked the Marshal Blitz message.
Mission 3 : Good Intro and send Off Dialogues yet again, I dare say that your narrative skills improve by leaps the more I get involve in this plot. I feel the excitement pre-battle bubbling up inside me already. I want to know more about the arc itself as Im playing and that is always a great sign. Also great lore use with the name of the arc, I had actually forgotten it was the name of a lightning strike operation made in WW2.
Again with the excessive
., this time I found them on the Burning Ronin dialogue. Not to get extremely anal with this minor typo, but the correct form is to use only three consecutive dots.
By the way, great Boss selection.
Also nicely done mish intro pop up, very enlightening, especially for those not familiar with the Zig map.
Also good use of the Destined Ones raids as a reference. I honestly can see this arc as part of the canon of the game lore.
Mission 4 : As I stated before, the narration just keeps getting better and better, this time the mission briefing actually gave me some useful Intel regarding some of the barrels I need to dispose off. The only thing is that if I were a radioactive character there could be some difficulties to adapt the process that explains that the material only explodes with radioactive energies, then where would it leave me?. But I wont delve too much into that. I like the story so far
So much, in fact, that the time here is 2 am and Im still wide awake in attention of whats going to happen next.
The only little detail that didnt convince me entirely was the Black Empress suit. It looked more like a chaotic mess of a police officer with a Gunslinger, bearing the Malta colors. Perhaps you could invest some more time designing her suit better. Her info display was ok. Like how all the Malta bosses so far are named after chess pieces.
As something you might want to consider, the entrance of this map mish is an Arachnos Flyer, since you already got the whole Rogue Arachnos/Malta deal going on, you could state at some point that you approached the Malta Base in a stolen Rogue Arachnos Flyer in order to avoid raising the alarm. Or something. You know, use the game tools in your favor.
Nice clue regarding the Story of Fallout. And nice hero.
Very well, I cant wait for the exciting conclusion.
Mission 5 : Great final mission build up.
The mission is excellent, continually engaging, the hostages dont take too long to find, I think two hours might be a little too much for the sense of urgency you wanted to implement here
45 minutes is a little more credible. Also I deeply enjoyed the participation of Indigo in the mission. In the description of Isotope you typed However, hes willing to control his chaos for a price
When it would actually sound better like However, hes willing to control his chaotic behavior for a price
Actually, up until now, I have found only a couple of things you could have done to improve your story, like for example include a story on how they were kidnapped by the Malta when you rescue the son, or her husband strange behavior as of lately, when you rescue the wife. I mean Fallout kind of becomes a side story in the arc; you could give it a little more flavor by including a couple of clues or something like that there.
Well besides that, I deeply enjoyed the design of the costume of the Black Monarch, and his power-sets make sense, what I didnt like as much is that his first dialogue is so damn big I cant be read all before combat starts, and he just keeps on talking, therefore I have to stop after the battle and scroll up to see the entire dialogue. The best of his lines is the checkmate one. It was, decisively, a great chess game.
Ok, Im done; it took me 40 minutes to complete the whole arc. The feeling of having saved hundreds of lives, not including the ones of Fallout and his family makes me more heroic and epic than many other arcs out there.
Rank:***** An Outstanding arc, has every element that makes me remember the story. It was fun, well written, intriguing; it has major plots that you thwart, people you save from certain death and an already excellent enemy group that you can beat up, all in a days work. It would most definitely play this one over again with my friends.
One element that I did find tiresome is that constant way Crimson refers to the Malta as our friends. Its ok to keep in-character and follow the game lore. But try not to over-abuse it. I ended up seeing the expression friends almost in all of the Mission Intro and Send Off dialogues every time the Malta were mentioned.
Excellent souvenir as well. Great reading material.
Well, keep it up and will review your other arc as soon as I can tomorrow or later today.
[/ QUOTE ]
Wow! Such a detailed and helpful review! I'm glad you loved the arc and I will definitely integrate quite a few of your suggestions (Especially the ellipsis issues. I tend to overuse those :P). I'm a little short on space, so I couldn't put everything I liked to there. Here's what I've done....
<ul type="square">[*]Fixed the "..." issues that you pointed out[*]Broke the two Titans in the second mission apart, gave them individual names (Mainly because you can't have two bosses with the same name without making them the exact same instance), and made an ambush for each one.[*]Changed Isotope's bio as you suggested.[*]Made the Black Monarch's first dialogue slightly smaller so that his words don't go off the speech bubble 
[*]Changed the final mission time limit to one hour. The mission is small enough that this should be doable, especially with Indigo's help.[*]Reduced the number of references to Malta as "our friends" when appropriate.[/list]
I didn't change the "someplace" thing because I figured you could get information from places rather than just people. I also left the Arachnos Flier thing unanswered because I don't know if the Rogue Arachnos really do have Fliers. Finally, I just couldn't think of anything interesting for Fallout's family to say that we didn't already know. Maybe I will come up with something later, though.
Thanks again for the great review and I'm glad you liked it that much! I'm looking forward to when you review my other one!
My arcs:
Title: Blitzkrieg
Arc ID: 3416
Title: Soldiers of Fortune
Arc ID: 4431
Title: The Rikti Accession
Arc ID: 278757
Review for story arc: Soldiers of Fortune
Creator: @Mekkanos
Well, my first Villainous review of the thread. I must say Im really excited since its a little hard for many people out there to write good evil material.
Ok as far as the mission description goes, fairly well done.
No other pre mission comments, so lets get this show on road.
Mission 1 : Ok, Darrin Wade, I presume hes going to send me around on some errands fetching some stuff. And
I wasnt wrong actually.
Well, I have got to go take a couple of art pieces for him before they get into the museum well protected halls.
Ok as far as the Mission Intro and Send Off go, really nicely done, a little too much dialogue for me. Or maybe it is enough, just too packed together.
Unfortunately the Still busy dialogue here doesnt gets exploited and theres plenty of opportunities for that, like Darren elaborating on the other goodies I might expect to find.
Presuming Im in a just-what-you-need-to-know basis, I head into the mission to fetch whatever might have caught his eye. I mean he has done so already in the past, when he just sent me inside the main base of a supergroup with some deadly statues that killed me in a blink. Well, who knows, maybe this time will be different
But no it wasnt apparently I just popped in the mission just in time to frustrate my new-found mercenary competition.
I must say great descriptions on the customs, nice group name. My only complain with them is that the powers that they use are so
cliché in some way. I enjoyed the boss Hellraiser type and the Technician ones.
My other complaint is regarding the mission clues. You could have added a little more flavor to this mission if you had a different clue appear on each glowie. I mean, give a little more side-reading to the player about what hes fetching, and maybe add some dialogue like: this looks pretty expensive, you guess Darren wont notice that you kept some, in compensation for you hard work. Again, you are the author, but having 5 glowies with one clue that you actually get from the First display case, is a little boring.
Moving on, great dialogues and great ambush selection with the Sky Raiders. In my case the Porters started to spawn right behind me like immediately after I brought down the Hellraiser Sykes, giving an intense feeling of action and surprise.
Mission 2 : The dialogue here is strong, and it makes perfect sense, without any other addition to make, I head into the mission.
Well, one problem here is that Darren said this was going to be a one side battle because of the sheer number of the Raiders in proportion to the Paradigm group, but having only one group of paradigm (the boss group) is kind of ridiculous, is not a battle at all (iit's a massacre!). Maybe you did add some battle Paradigm/Raiders, and I just didnt see them.
But you could have included a couple of conversations on the battles to make the mission more interesting.
As advised by my contact, I tried to stay out of the battles (which where almost non existent, not including the PPD patrols sometimes walking into the Sky Raiders), and went Boss hunting.
The first boss (the paradigm one) was located in a nice spot, middle of the screen, fairly easy to see. Fought him and defeated him. Nice battle although it was kind of let down that there wasnt any clue afterwards. Now, only the Sky Raider Leader stands between me and the Eye of Chronos. Problem is
It was incredible difficult to find! I dont know what are the specifications that you are using for your map spawns, but since Im used to the bosses being at the end of the map, thats where I headed first
To my surprise, the guy actually spawned behind one of the first buildings near the beginning of the screen, I felt really stupid for missing him in the first place, but maybe consider that your average player will not scout the complete map when he/she is used seeing the bosses at the end of the screen in maps like this one.
Well, after defeating the Sky Raider guy, I find that they have already extracted the Eye from the site and transport it to a secure location. I got his clue and [u]interesting[u] enough, I got the clue I was supposed to get from the Paradigm guy I defeated like 5 minutes ago
Maybe you did it in this order because the mission complete clue allows more characters than the boss defeated clue, but you should take into consideration that sometimes players (like myself) will find odd the clue lag when they defeat the Paradigm guy first.
Also, for a technological advanced mercenary such as a Sky raider, finding a note on him makes me feel like a found a piece of paper on him Maybe, you could change this to a little more sophisticated alternative. Like a captains log or even like an iPhone or something like that.
Mission 3 : The intro and Send off Dialogues suffer from the same strengths and weaknesses as the previous ones, great description and flow, but a little too bunched together for my taste. And for my eyes.
And interesting enough, the still busy is a clean, neat, concise one, and is one of the few that doesnt bother me at all.
The summoning of creatures inside the mission is a nice touch.
Nice pop up mission dialogue.
Cant say that the npc ally surprised me since I gathered from the first clue ever in this arc that the Rularuu were going to be involved in some way.
But that doesnt mean I dont like it, in fact Im sure your average player will like it.
Also, good job on the dialogue of the Eyeballs.
Nice mission dialogue for the safes.
A little unexpected boss battle with a ***** (No spoilers) which was kind of unexpected following the first part of plot. You could have done that the guys surrounding the boss were carrying suitcases (as in if they were bringing the money in the suitcases) But thats just a visual effect.
What a shame that there wasnt a clue upon mission completion. You could have even made a clue saying like: Seems like once again, you are a little late. You should better report back with Darren Or something. I was kind of expecting something, especially since I thought this was it.
The contacts words here couldnt express any better my thoughts about being tired of chasing the groups around just for nothing. Considering the past in-game arcs that I have run with Darren, I would recommend you something to keep in-character and make this 3 missions a little more needed. You could have Darren only perform the magical localization spell up until now because he needed something you found in the base. For example, make that in mish 3 there is a Paradigm Boss/Sky Raider Base commander, that when you defeat you get a sample out of him or like a blood-stained (sample?) floppy disk, for example.
Since one of the components needed (if memory serves me well) is something that belonged to the person in question (like a handful of hair), to able to locate where the Eye might be right now. You know, give a good reason why he couldnt cast that spell up until now.
Because otherwise I just ask myself, why the bloody hell didnt he just cast this spell since mission 2 to begin with?
Mission 4 : Once again, you have got to be careful when introducing a deux ex machina element like a localization spell in your arc, it makes me wonder if I couldnt just skip this whole mission if Darren could simply divine whos the Paradigm client and where he/she is.
But for the sake of the story, Im off to hack into a network.
The Dialogues (all three Intro-Send Off-Still busy) are really well done, and intriguing.
I find the map selection a little bit recurring, with different paint jobs between the Portal Corp one, and this one, but they have the exact same layout.
You might want to check if you can do something about this.
The summoned creatures dialogue was ok. One of them actually didnt talk like Rularuu at all, but its ok.
The boss dialogue was really good, and it made me wonder, wouldnt it had been easier to bribe the Paradigm guys off? But what good is that when you can hack your way toward your goal?
Also interesting final clue, very appropriate and builds a lot of expectation for the final mission.
Mission 5 : The motivation in the contact Dialogue for this mission was kind of a let down; it didnt actually make me feel motivated to go get some artifact that I have already wasted a lot of time trying to get.
The promise of the artifacts power is tempting enough, but youve got to consider that since Im a villain, my patience will be tested unless Im offered a good reason why to do it. Vengeance? Power? Money?
I dont know, he does explain further what the Eye of Chronos really is in the Send Off dialogue, but still I feel a little more motivation is required. Especially since Im about to risk my hide out there in a mission that already hints me is going to be difficult
This map is a must love it type; it really makes you feel like you are infiltrating the main base of operations. I must say that the Arachnos commander dialogue took me completely by surprise, especially the last text. Which revealed a good chunk of the plot to me without having even finished the mission itself.
I would have changed the objective text in the navigational compass at the end after you defeat the Hellraiser Freeman, from Investigate interlopers in the tunnel to something more like you have the Eye! Now escape the cavern Since the mission wouldnt complete until I did try to leave through the main door, I would encounter the EB, General White waiting for me, surprising me even more!
But thats that. With the ****, defeated and the final clue explaining me the whole arc, I feel like I can go report to my crony, Darren, and finish up this complicated plot.
(Nice detail of the Rularuu helping you decode the final Clue)
I liked the AV design as well.
Well the mission is over and if we could edit and grant our own sets of temp powers, I would pretty much look forward to what you would set the Eye of Chronos to do.
Rank:**** An attention-grabbing arc, really interesting custom group and usage of the whole mercenary group against mercenary group ordeal.
No real final comments, except that I know you have been trying to get reviews on different threads for this arc before, and apparently you have been successful at it. Its not Devs Choice or Hall of Fame material. I wouldnt even say that is the best of your arcs, but is a remarkable one on its own.
I dare say that the Sky Raiders don't get plenty attention in the game, and that you used them as an important factor for you story really pikes my interest.
Some work on it would improve much the story and overall quality.
I liked the souvenir as well. And I must point out another thing... It was actually refreshing not finding any typos in an arc... Anywhere Good job!
[ QUOTE ]
Review for story arc: Soldiers of Fortune
Creator: @Mekkanos
Well, my first Villainous review of the thread. I must say Im really excited since its a little hard for many people out there to write good evil material.
Ok as far as the mission description goes, fairly well done.
No other pre mission comments, so lets get this show on road.
Mission 1 : Ok, Darrin Wade, I presume hes going to send me around on some errands fetching some stuff. And
I wasnt wrong actually.
Well, I have got to go take a couple of art pieces for him before they get into the museum well protected halls.
Ok as far as the Mission Intro and Send Off go, really nicely done, a little too much dialogue for me. Or maybe it is enough, just too packed together.
Unfortunately the Still busy dialogue here doesnt gets exploited and theres plenty of opportunities for that, like Darren elaborating on the other goodies I might expect to find.
Presuming Im in a just-what-you-need-to-know basis, I head into the mission to fetch whatever might have caught his eye. I mean he has done so already in the past, when he just sent me inside the main base of a supergroup with some deadly statues that killed me in a blink. Well, who knows, maybe this time will be different
But no it wasnt apparently I just popped in the mission just in time to frustrate my new-found mercenary competition.
I must say great descriptions on the customs, nice group name. My only complain with them is that the powers that they use are so
cliché in some way. I enjoyed the boss Hellraiser type and the Technician ones.
My other complaint is regarding the mission clues. You could have added a little more flavor to this mission if you had a different clue appear on each glowie. I mean, give a little more side-reading to the player about what hes fetching, and maybe add some dialogue like: this looks pretty expensive, you guess Darren wont notice that you kept some, in compensation for you hard work. Again, you are the author, but having 5 glowies with one clue that you actually get from the First display case, is a little boring.
Moving on, great dialogues and great ambush selection with the Sky Raiders. In my case the Porters started to spawn right behind me like immediately after I brought down the Hellraiser Sykes, giving an intense feeling of action and surprise.
Mission 2 : The dialogue here is strong, and it makes perfect sense, without any other addition to make, I head into the mission.
Well, one problem here is that Darren said this was going to be a one side battle because of the sheer number of the Raiders in proportion to the Paradigm group, but having only one group of paradigm (the boss group) is kind of ridiculous, is not a battle at all (iit's a massacre!). Maybe you did add some battle Paradigm/Raiders, and I just didnt see them.
But you could have included a couple of conversations on the battles to make the mission more interesting.
As advised by my contact, I tried to stay out of the battles (which where almost non existent, not including the PPD patrols sometimes walking into the Sky Raiders), and went Boss hunting.
The first boss (the paradigm one) was located in a nice spot, middle of the screen, fairly easy to see. Fought him and defeated him. Nice battle although it was kind of let down that there wasnt any clue afterwards. Now, only the Sky Raider Leader stands between me and the Eye of Chronos. Problem is
It was incredible difficult to find! I dont know what are the specifications that you are using for your map spawns, but since Im used to the bosses being at the end of the map, thats where I headed first
To my surprise, the guy actually spawned behind one of the first buildings near the beginning of the screen, I felt really stupid for missing him in the first place, but maybe consider that your average player will not scout the complete map when he/she is used seeing the bosses at the end of the screen in maps like this one.
Well, after defeating the Sky Raider guy, I find that they have already extracted the Eye from the site and transport it to a secure location. I got his clue and [u]interesting[u] enough, I got the clue I was supposed to get from the Paradigm guy I defeated like 5 minutes ago
Maybe you did it in this order because the mission complete clue allows more characters than the boss defeated clue, but you should take into consideration that sometimes players (like myself) will find odd the clue lag when they defeat the Paradigm guy first.
Also, for a technological advanced mercenary such as a Sky raider, finding a note on him makes me feel like a found a piece of paper on him Maybe, you could change this to a little more sophisticated alternative. Like a captains log or even like an iPhone or something like that.
Mission 3 : The intro and Send off Dialogues suffer from the same strengths and weaknesses as the previous ones, great description and flow, but a little too bunched together for my taste. And for my eyes.
And interesting enough, the still busy is a clean, neat, concise one, and is one of the few that doesnt bother me at all.
The summoning of creatures inside the mission is a nice touch.
Nice pop up mission dialogue.
Cant say that the npc ally surprised me since I gathered from the first clue ever in this arc that the Rularuu were going to be involved in some way.
But that doesnt mean I dont like it, in fact Im sure your average player will like it.
Also, good job on the dialogue of the Eyeballs.
Nice mission dialogue for the safes.
A little unexpected boss battle with a ***** (No spoilers) which was kind of unexpected following the first part of plot. You could have done that the guys surrounding the boss were carrying suitcases (as in if they were bringing the money in the suitcases) But thats just a visual effect.
What a shame that there wasnt a clue upon mission completion. You could have even made a clue saying like: Seems like once again, you are a little late. You should better report back with Darren Or something. I was kind of expecting something, especially since I thought this was it.
The contacts words here couldnt express any better my thoughts about being tired of chasing the groups around just for nothing. Considering the past in-game arcs that I have run with Darren, I would recommend you something to keep in-character and make this 3 missions a little more needed. You could have Darren only perform the magical localization spell up until now because he needed something you found in the base. For example, make that in mish 3 there is a Paradigm Boss/Sky Raider Base commander, that when you defeat you get a sample out of him or like a blood-stained (sample?) floppy disk, for example.
Since one of the components needed (if memory serves me well) is something that belonged to the person in question (like a handful of hair), to able to locate where the Eye might be right now. You know, give a good reason why he couldnt cast that spell up until now.
Because otherwise I just ask myself, why the bloody hell didnt he just cast this spell since mission 2 to begin with?
Mission 4 : Once again, you have got to be careful when introducing a deux ex machina element like a localization spell in your arc, it makes me wonder if I couldnt just skip this whole mission if Darren could simply divine whos the Paradigm client and where he/she is.
But for the sake of the story, Im off to hack into a network.
The Dialogues (all three Intro-Send Off-Still busy) are really well done, and intriguing.
I find the map selection a little bit recurring, with different paint jobs between the Portal Corp one, and this one, but they have the exact same layout.
You might want to check if you can do something about this.
The summoned creatures dialogue was ok. One of them actually didnt talk like Rularuu at all, but its ok.
The boss dialogue was really good, and it made me wonder, wouldnt it had been easier to bribe the Paradigm guys off? But what good is that when you can hack your way toward your goal?
Also interesting final clue, very appropriate and builds a lot of expectation for the final mission.
Mission 5 : The motivation in the contact Dialogue for this mission was kind of a let down; it didnt actually make me feel motivated to go get some artifact that I have already wasted a lot of time trying to get.
The promise of the artifacts power is tempting enough, but youve got to consider that since Im a villain, my patience will be tested unless Im offered a good reason why to do it. Vengeance? Power? Money?
I dont know, he does explain further what the Eye of Chronos really is in the Send Off dialogue, but still I feel a little more motivation is required. Especially since Im about to risk my hide out there in a mission that already hints me is going to be difficult
This map is a must love it type; it really makes you feel like you are infiltrating the main base of operations. I must say that the Arachnos commander dialogue took me completely by surprise, especially the last text. Which revealed a good chunk of the plot to me without having even finished the mission itself.
I would have changed the objective text in the navigational compass at the end after you defeat the Hellraiser Freeman, from Investigate interlopers in the tunnel to something more like you have the Eye! Now escape the cavern Since the mission wouldnt complete until I did try to leave through the main door, I would encounter the EB, General White waiting for me, surprising me even more!
But thats that. With the ****, defeated and the final clue explaining me the whole arc, I feel like I can go report to my crony, Darren, and finish up this complicated plot.
(Nice detail of the Rularuu helping you decode the final Clue)
I liked the AV design as well.
Well the mission is over and if we could edit and grant our own sets of temp powers, I would pretty much look forward to what you would set the Eye of Chronos to do.
Rank:**** An attention-grabbing arc, really interesting custom group and usage of the whole mercenary group against mercenary group ordeal.
No real final comments, except that I know you have been trying to get reviews on different threads for this arc before, and apparently you have been successful at it. Its not Devs Choice or Hall of Fame material. I wouldnt even say that is the best of your arcs, but is a remarkable one on its own.
I dare say that the Sky Raiders don't get plenty attention in the game, and that you used them as an important factor for you story really pikes my interest.
Some work on it would improve much the story and overall quality.
I liked the souvenir as well. And I must point out another thing... It was actually refreshing not finding any typos in an arc... Anywhere Good job!
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for running my second arc! I'm glad you mostly liked this one, but sadly, there's not much I can do to fix the majority of the problems you listed. My arc file size is at 99.97% at the moment (Thanks to the custom group) and a single sentence will put it over the edge. I was lucky to have a 5 mission arc with such a (relatively) diverse group and had to cut some dialogue to do so, particularly from the Still Busy dialogue as you noted.
I did, however, space out the briefings a bit and modified Darrin's dialogue in the final mission a bit to take into account the fact that you may not actually want to use the Eye. I also changed the coordinates note in Mission 2 to a small data pad and changed the animation of the client's group so they hold briefcases in Mission 3. I also made Mission 4's map quite different from Mission 3's, although it is still the same tileset as before.
I did want to address the locating spell, though. Darrin Wade, as you noted, requires something that belongs to the person in question in order to use the spell. The individuals who have the Eye escaped from you before you even saw them, so you wouldn't have anything of theirs. Not only that, but the Eye kept changing hands, so it would be rather pointless to continuously use the spell to track an individual person when that person will probably lose it. The spell only worked because we weren't necessarily tracking the Eye but rather the Paradigm base. We were using the note that the Paradigm boss from mission 2 dropped to get there. This was possible before but the Sky Raiders had the Eye at the time, so it would be pointless to go to the Paradigm base when they obviously don't have the Eye. You'd expect a Paradigm boss to have visited there at least once, so to use the notice he was carrying to get to the base at that point seems pretty logical (To me, anyway). As for why it can't be used to divine the clients, we don't have anything that belongs to them. Darrin Wade's magic is powerful but it is not godlike, after all (At least, not yet ).
Regarding the second mission, I'm actually surprised you didn't see any battles. I put 20 of them on the map, to the point where the entire place tends to devolve into absolute chaos pretty fast! Sometimes their spawns can be wonky but they should show up eventually. Also, I can't really choose where the bosses end up. That's an Architect failing, sadly, since the positions you can choose don't seem to apply to outdoor maps.
Also, about the Rularuu that didn't talk like Rularuu, some Brutes actually do talk like that on occasion. I distinctly remember some Brutes fighting for supremacy in the Shard and one saying "I strongest!" They don't always talk in one word sentences, after all.
Finally, regarding the final boss, there's a few reasons why I worded it the way I did. First of all, the final boss's friends spawn in the submarine room when you trigger him, so that should immediately tip off the player that something is up. The System message (Which, sadly, no one ever seems to be able to see due to all the action that's going on at the time) that shows up when you defeat the boss says that you can hear gunfire coming from the tunnel, so you go to investigate. However, another reason why I worded it like that is a meta-game reason. Currently, there is a bug where bosses that are triggered by another enemy sometimes fail to spawn and the boss here seems to fall victim to the bug disturbingly often. I wanted to make it clear that there was indeed an enemy appearing so people wouldn't wonder "Ok, so I'm back at the entrance. Why isn't the mission completing?"
I know it seems pointless to collect feedback if I can't really change much about the arc at the moment (Blitzkrieg is currently at 97 - 98%, so it's easier to change), but I'm holding out for custom critters to either take up less space or for the file size limitation to be raised. Until then, though, I can only note the feedback, change what little I can, and wait. Thanks for reviewing it, anyway!
EDIT: Edited to make the location spell thing a little more clear.
Also, I wanted to say that although I defended certain aspects of my arc in this post, your review was still immensely helpful. If we're ever allowed more room in our arcs, I'll definitely consider adding more of your suggestions!
My arcs:
Title: Blitzkrieg
Arc ID: 3416
Title: Soldiers of Fortune
Arc ID: 4431
Title: The Rikti Accession
Arc ID: 278757
I would love any feedback on either of my arcs, but particularly:
Arc Name: Dr. Dave and the Copper Legion
Arc ID: 60280
Morality: Heroic
Length: Very Long (5 missions)
Level Ranges: All levels cap at 54; min. levels are 35-5-1-1-41.
Difficulty: Medium- Final mission contains 1 AV, but with two Allies; many collections, some captives to rescue, an escort mission
Synopsis: When an ancient weapon is unearthed by forces unknown, do you have what it takes to save Paragon City from destruction?
Rise of the Copper Legion (#60280; with soundtrack)
The Fractured Dreamer (#498588; with musical theme)
"Now Leaving: Paragon City": original composition for the end of CoH
Hello Misho, thanks for your time and reviews.
Have a short one here for you with no EBs/AVs if you have time.
Arc Name:A Death in the Gish
Arc ID: 168760
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Skulls, Vahzilok
Creator Global/Forum Name: Neuronia/@Neuronia
Difficulty Level: Easy
Length: Short (3 missions)
Synopsis: A lowbie mission arc about Kings Row. Caps at level 14.
Estimated Time to Play: 10-15 minutes
Link to More Details or Feedback: Just PM me or global me.
Questions about the game, either side? /t @Neuronia or @Neuronium, with your queries!
168760: A Death in the Gish. 3 missions, 1-14. Easy to solo.
Infinity Villains
Champion, Pinnacle, Virtue Heroes
These are some nice looking reviews. I'll throw mine into the mix because I always like getting good feedback. I can't decide which one to give you, so take your pick, or do both if you want to.
Arc ID: 3369
Arc Name: Matchstick Women
Group: Council, custom
Level Range: 1-54, SOs+ recommended
Synopsis: A mysterious flame shows you the tale of a strange group of women arsonists and their troubled leader.
Notes: 3 missions, 1 AV on standard difficulty, lots of descriptions and clues.
Arc ID: 137651
Arc Name: Time Loop
Group: Wyvern
Level Range: 15-25
Synopsis: Foreshadow sends you to recover an unknown time-altering artifact. The result makes your head spin.
Notes: 4 missions, no AVs, lots of descriptions and clues, as well as a couple easily overlooked notes, let me know if you find them.
Hey Misho. I appreciate you doing this. My arc is:
Arc ID: 4912
Arc Name: Red Typhoon
Group: Malta<---, custom
Level Range: 40-52
Synopsis: North Korea launches a missile in the Pacific and tension rises between the Rouge nation and the Western Countries. Can you deescalate the situation before nuclear proliferation happenes?
Notes: 5 missions
MA Arc:
Red Typhoon 4912
Akhdar Blood Arc: 247198
Review for story arc: Operation Pitcher Plant
Creator: @Mecha GM
Well, first off you have a couple of typos in your mission description, like when you typed "reseach" instead of "research". Also if you are going to use the short version for Portal Corporation, you should do it like Portal Corp and not Portal Corps. Or maybe you meant to use an (s)
Maybe you would do better to simply write it like this:
The League of Mayhem is robbing a Portal Corps research facility; you must stop them before they can steal any critical research data!
Lets start off this mission review, shall we?
First there is a thing I want to clarify, since you said in your reply that you wanted to know how it work on teams (the custom group) I decided I would try this arc two times; the first would be in a team, without reading any of the story or the contacts dialogue and the second time would be entirely dedicated to a solo play.
I will not do this every time someone wants me to see how it would work (their arc) with a team. I do this entirely as a favor to those who have little reviews on their arc and when I see fit to do so.
7 rates are a great lift to a person with an arc that has only 2 so far.
But, again, I wont be doing this on a regular basis.
As for you arc, I got an 8man going to try out the difficulty of your Custom Group, which I must say right here and now
For a Custom group to be great, it doesnt need all of your critters with Hard to Extreme Powers.
Some of the bosses and lieutenants actually run out of end from using so many attack powers.
Two of the critters Ill mention are the Mercenary Captain and the S Siege-Unit. Great costume designs and all, but you made them a little bit hard, considering not everyone out there has a character with a primary/secondary defensive powerset, they can beat to a pulp the squishy types in a second, especially since all of the captains (apparently) have the sniper shot, which you can hardly try to interrupt or control when theres like 6 of them per spawn group.
They were actually 1 hit KO-ing the trollers in the team. You might want to re-check their powers and tweak all of them down a little bit.
As an additional note, your Captain critter info was nicely done with the exception of your usage of the word support two times way too close to each other(and all of the mercenaries info from what I can see), try some synonyms like provide assistance or help, even the word aid would look nicely as a replacement for one of the support; you also typed a line which you could erase completely (again, in his info) which goes as
, such as this fellow, ...
In the Boss type of the armored units, the Siege-Unit looks pretty cool to me that in fact it is a big disappointment that you gave him only a short paragraph for a description, which doesnt really depict him, it seems more like a follow up of the minions and the lieutenant one.
Well thats it for these two types of guys. I wanted to mention them before since when I try this arc solo, no bosses will spawn and therefore I wouldnt be able to notice them at all.
Now that the team version is done and over with, I will start the review for the solo version of the arc.
Mission 1 : To begin with, I see that you have got a couple of problems aside from the typos I will point out later; these problems in question are the use of so many similar words repeated so many times in a single Dialogue box, for example, you used the following Portal, portable and portal and the weird structure you use to narrate your story.
I like the fact that Dr. Engles is so straight to the point but I think she might be a little too much, just this time I will type the Intro Dialogue and point out in ( ) my own views on how you could improve your narrative skills.
Operation Pitcher Plant (Nice title, too bad no subtitle but not really needed)
Ah, youre here. Excellent. Ive just received a report (you could change it for Ive just received word) that a secret Portal Corp laboratory is being raided by the League of Mayhem (maybe not use the name of the custom group here, to build up more suspense as to whom is raiding the laboratory) .Theyve been hired to steal (How does she know theyve been hired, actually how does she know anything from them?) some very important research Portal Corp is doing on an experimental portable dimensional portal generator. (See all the similar words in there? Try using alternatives like
research the Corporation is currently developing on an experimental transportable dimensional portal generator.) I dont think I need to tell you how much trouble such a device could cause in the wrong hands.
Would you please stop the League of Mayhem from stealing this research? (Such a kind contact, asking me if I would mind helping, but in reality a contact in need that has just received an urgent report of a secret probably important- laboratory is being raided would be a little more
desperate to get my assistance in the matter, try re-phrasing this a little bit)
Well, you got a couple of typos in the Send Off, when you typed techinical you should change it to technical. When you typed shes not especially tech savvy herself you could add a "very" between especially and tech.
In your Still busy you typed yet again Portable Portal Generator, try an alternative as the example above. Also you could add an If you dont, in the first part so it looks like this Hurry! [u]If you dont[u], the League of Mayhem will get their hands on that P.P.G. all too soon!. It would make the sentence sound better.
Well, now that weve tried to give the text a face-lift, lets head into the mission, shall we?
The mish pop text when you enter could be changed a little.
This could be another way you could do it:
There is something odd about this raid
But you cant put your finger on what exactly.
The enemy group is interesting, the Merc. Troopers are nothing of what I would expect them to be since they go and charge at you head-on using Martial Arts, while their description says that they are competent shots with their rifles.
I dont know which combat preference but it would appear that melee is a solid bet. You could make them Ranged. It would make a little bit more of sense.
I particularly liked the Merc. MediSuits since its a really original concept so far. Many would disagree, probably, but is like a cheap, ranged unit that can really turn the tide of the battle sometimes but it isnt too much of a headache.
Nice balance. I really liked the costume designs of this group and the fact that their members experience a hierarchy a little like in the Outcasts.
To explain myself a little better, you see the Outcast Torch ( minion) , the Scorcher ( lieutenant) and the Lead Scorcher ( boss) . In this case you see the Mercenary Trooper ( minion) , the Mercenary Sergeant ( lieutenant) and the Mercenary Captain ( boss) for example. And you have two different sets; the Battle suits ones and the Mercenary Soldiers, each with its own progression. Pretty simple but likeable.
I did anyhow.
On La Faes info you have some typos peresented instead of "presented", to barbarian tribes when in the context it would make a lot more sense to many barbarian tribes.
In to spread chaos, and destruction you can lose the ,. irritates her and amuses her could be irritates and amuses her opportunities to amuse herself could be opportunities to entertain herself since the two amuses are too close to the other.
In her text you typed Fie, fie maybe this is the sound she makes when talking, but you could add a couple of * * at each side so that I know is not a word and simply a sound.
In the Battlesuit description you could change the third support for another word, as stated above.
In the Sergeants description you might want to consider replacing hang back at range with hang back, away from melee combat.
Fun yet corny battle texts on the boss fights of Morrigan and Cyberix.
Superianna is way too tough on solo, having her kill me in one uppercut.
Theres also a typo in her talk, she says exepected instead of expected.
Also you dont stand a chance to escape me sounds weird
Try theres no chance youll escape me. Also its not balliwick but bailiwick.
Well, I had to use 2 shivans to finally defeat Superianna and then I could finally get to the safe.
The chat text suffers from the same problem when referring to the main objective, this time adding another p word. You have opened the safe and recovered the Portable Portal Generator Plans. Again, theres no problem with the P.P.G. name but you could change it a bit so it doesnt sound repetitive.
I wont even mention that it happens again in the mission complete pop up message
Well, I just did
But you might want to check into that.
The returning words for the Mission Success text were pretty nice and ably applied to the situation. It sums up everything that just happened pretty well.
Mission 2 : Nice dialogue here, you could change City Councilman to lowercase since you already include his name Harry there.
Nice hostage dialogue. A bit repetitive if anything since the office workers all have the same dialogue.
Good Councilman Harrys Dialogue. In his description you must change Petrified to petrified.
In Steel Locust info, you typed
wearing a suit of battle armor
, you could change this to wearing a battle armor. Its a minor change but you can consider it.
Interesting costume design for the EB that appears with the 5th Column spawn.
Nice, concise and short description too.
The first Dialogue of Gamma Emitter is a little big; you might want to make it smaller.
Also the clues so far are really useful so far in comprehending the story.
Mission 3 : Nice dialogue and motivation for the mission.
When I got into the mission I noticed a couple of things, I was kind of disappointed that there were no side objectives to complete but to defeat Oberst Olbrech. The other thing I noticed was that since the first two missions were so engaging because you had to experience and win many boss battles, bring down some really tough opponents and find some clues, I thought that the last mission was kind of mediocre.
It was interesting that you had the whole came-back-from-the-future-to-kill-you ordeal, creating maybe a time paradox if he could actually defeat you. But, the guy wasnt really strong
at all.
In fact I downed him in one charged attack. It was kind of lame
And no clue???! I could have used something to help explain a little more the plot to me.
The contact returning dialogue was kind of short. Had that hurried-up feeling some arcs get on the last dialogues.
Well, surprisingly enough I have only the following to add:
Rank:**** Strange as it might sound, I had a great time doing this arc, both in the team way and the solo run (well, at least after I finally defeated the first EB I did). Is an arc I would recommend to do a mindless hack and slash run with my friends.
But I wouldnt recommend it for the story or the plot.
I also didn't understood why the arc was named like that, maybe I missed a reference, or maybe there's no connection between the arc's name and the story.
Actually was really tempted to give you a 3. But there were some redeeming factors I couldnt ignore.
On the bright side, you did made one tough yet soloable enemy group that was balanced, visually appealing and fun to fight.
On the not-so brighter side that could have given you a better rate
No souvenir???
It was a huge letdown considering you could have built a little more suspense as to who really was after you, why, and if would you hear from them again in the foreseeable future.
Many special thanks to the following Pinnacle Players who participated on the 8man run for this MA arc:
Miar Ratha
Mending Surprise
Heat Shadow
Dojin
Rubble
Imp Master
Tungsten Flame
Now its time for short message brought to you by the author of this post
As a last minute add-on, Ive been playing the arcs taking a lot more of my personal time that I had expected and unfortunately Ive got a couple of term papers due this upcoming week. I won't be playing as much as I usually do, but fear not, I will get to all of the arcs that are queued up in the list. And will be reviewing them a lot faster too but still in the same fashion I've been trying to do all my other reviews.
But duty first, pleasure later. Hope you all understand and if you don't, theres nothing I can really do.
Hey, thanks for the review!
(especially thanks for getting the team to run through it)
I agree about the souvenir... when I first put the arc together, I was almost exactly at 100% full, so didn't have room for one. I've economized here and there, so I could (and should) add one back in.
I intend to squash the typos, thanks for catching more of them!
regarding the mechanics of the enemy group...
I was afraid what you've described with Superianna and the Merc bosses would happen. I cranked the diffuculty on their attack sets back to the minimum... and there is nothing I can do about KO Blow on Superianna or the damage levels on the Merc Captain.
I don't see the snipe listed, but the Merc Captain does get:
Burst
Slug
Buckshot
M30 Grenade
Flamethrower
with Assault Rifle when set on Standard. And if I could get rid of KO blow on Superianna, I would.
As to the Merc Troopers, they're set on Ranged AI, no idea why they're so fond of charging into melee. I'll see if I can find a different secondary than Martial Arts for them, that should help there.
I'll also see what I can do with the final mission to spice it up a bit.
Again, thanks for all the feedback. It's a big help.
(I hope you had fun playing through the arc)
Vila: Why don't you go?
Avon: You are expendable.
Vila: And you're not?
Avon: No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.
Gan: I'll get the guns.
- Blake's 7, Horizon
Hi! Awesome looking, and very thorough reviews. I'd like to submit my arc for review:
My Arc:
Arc Name: Destined Champion of the Multiverse
Arc ID: 128476
Faction: Custom Group
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Purple Badger
Difficulty Level: Moderate?
Synopsis: Your character has been chosen to protect the multiverse. You travel through various dimensions tracking down threats to the peace of all dimensions.
Estimated Time to Play: 1-2 hours
Link to More Details and Feedback
I have more details on this arc at the link above. Basically, it's not City of Heroes themed. Rather, you travel through various parallel worlds to fight a very specific threat. It's based on a pencil & paper RPG I ran, so I'm hoping to get people who weren't in that campaign to give me their thoughts on how well it works.
There are two elite bosses and an archvillain in the arc, though the groups I've run against them have never had any real problems with them. My hope is that it's fun for characters at many different level ranges and group sizes/compositions. I've run this with my friends with groups of sizes anywhere from 1 to 4 and characters in the 10-25 range.
Just a couple of other notes in regards to your (very helpful) review.
[ QUOTE ]
In her text you typed Fie, fie maybe this is the sound she makes when talking, but you could add a couple of * * at each side so that I know is not a word and simply a sound.
[/ QUOTE ]
Actually, "fie" is a word. It's an old one, coming from Middle English.
fie
interjection
1. (used to express mild disgust, disapprobation, annoyance, etc.)
2. (used to express the humorous pretense of being shocked.)
Origin:
12501300; ME fi < MF < L; cf. ON fy&#772;, L phy
[ QUOTE ]
I also didn't understood why the arc was named like that, maybe I missed a reference, or maybe there's no connection between the arc's name and the story.
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh, it's tied into the story. Pitcher plants are a type of carniverous plant that lure their prey in with the scent of something they want, and then the prey falls into the trap and cannot escape from the plant's digestive juices. The first two missions are traps set by the League for the player. I could have gone with Operation Flytrap as the name and had a similar tie between name and plot. I just felt that the Pitcher Plant was more appropriate. (also, Morrigan uses the latin name for the plant in her dialogue at one point)
Again, thanks for the review.
Vila: Why don't you go?
Avon: You are expendable.
Vila: And you're not?
Avon: No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.
Gan: I'll get the guns.
- Blake's 7, Horizon
I'll give you a choice. You can do my villain arc which currently has the most plays (17 ratings)
Arc Name: Web of Deception
Arc ID: 75310
Faction: Villainous
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Ozzie Arcane
Level: 40+
Synopsis: Help President Evil create a portal to an alternate dimension to trap a hero.
Enemy Groups: Circle of Thorns, Nemesis, Crey, Paragon Poiice, Arachnos, Longbow
Or you could do my "taskforce". It has absolutely no plays, but I don't reccommend trying to solo it.
Arc Name: Agent Thunder Taskforce: The Cracked Mirror
Arc# 159922
Faction: Heroic
Created by @Ozzie Arcane
Length: Very long, 5 missions
Summary: Villains from an alternate earth have arrived. They call themselves Wrongbow and their leaders known as the Domination Phalanx don't like our Paragon. Can you stop them?
Warning: Not intended for solo. Contains lots of AVs and EBs. Intended levels 45+