Yeah, hi, this is Polaron. Yeah. Polaron. I have one question for the three guest-villians...How on Earth have you gotten out of jail after I've personally put you there so many times?!
::Young teen sounding female voice::
Lollipop Candi: Am I on? Ow! Turn down the radio...
::screaming squeal of static then silence::
L: Better, so uhm... Hi! This is Lollipop Candi. I have a question for Mister Clockwork King. Uhm, so what's it like to be mostly kinda just a brain in a jar? Like do you have to have the water or whatever that goop is changed every so often to keep the neural synapses clear and amplify your psychic powes? Uhm, and stuff? Oooh, does fungus grow on your brain or pond scum? I remember once when I had these 4 goldfi
::Click::
DJ: And that's enough of that. So, See Kay. how do you care for that grey matter? Hyper little girls with crazy names want to know... strangely.
@bpphantom
The Defenders of Paragon
KGB Special Section 8
((...it's P-Tab time.))
The tiny, little, supposed to be dead, blue and white android known as P-Tab chewed his way out of the metal box holding him in the closet. He had been listening to the radio. They wanted him to call in! And there were clocks!
P-Tab used his internal phone system to send in a call as best he could.
"HI! I'm a robot, do you like robots, because I like robots, I also like pizza, pizza is good, and I heard there's a clock at the radio station, clocks are neat, they tell time, and time is useful because if there wasn't any time the pizza would never get here because then they wouldn't have to listen to the 30 minute rule and then the robots would be sad because there's no pizza because there's no time and they'd all cry robot tears, which are made of water and sometimes oil but also sometimes acid, but the acid tears hurt, and the water ones short-circut the robots, so it's not a very good thing for a robot to cry or else they'll be sad."
Several seconds of silence followed.
"What do you think of the economic state of Japan, when taking into account the pizza places, robots, and clocks within that country? And where's my other shoe?"
Animation major and old-school CoHer.
Art, Animation, and Stuff:
DA Tumblr Vimeo Youtube
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, hi, this is Polaron. Yeah. Polaron. I have one question for the three guest-villians...How on Earth have you gotten out of jail after I've personally put you there so many times?!
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: Woo! Tough one, who'd like to handle this?
CK: Nope.
Dr.V: Apologies.
Vandal: Eh... pass.
VdV: Aren't there four of us?
DJ: .......
DJ: C'mon, man asked you a question.
CK: Look. If we tell THAT, the union'll come down on us like a ton of bricks.
Vandal: Und zer lawyers vill eat our young.
DJ: Ouch. Yeah, point. Still though, can you give us a hint?
CK: Well, fair enough. Polaron, lessee... Oh yeah, I think I recognize the voice. You were my 3 PM appointment a few weeks back? Yeah, thought so. That trick you did with that energy whatever was kinda nifty. Anyhoo...
CK: See, you guys are good at heroing, but not so great at law. D'you know what due process is? Probably not, most of you don't stick around after the crime to give a statement. Heck, some of you are DARK and EDGY types, that have warrants on your heads yourselves!
Dr.V: And while the overworked and understaffed police are attempting to cut their way through the paperwork of an amateur arrest, and figure out just WHAT we were doing to begin with...
Vandal: Ve do vhat ve do, unt slip avay vhile they're vorkink.
CK: That's usually how it goes. Course there's other ways to get loose, but I can't say anything on that. You know how it goes.
Dr.V: I must admit however, to a certain amount of trepidation. Usually, we are arrested by heroes with little practical knowledge of the law. Were a champion to arise who was as knowledgeable in the ways of lawyers as he was justice... Truly, we would be in peril!
Vandal: Never happen.
Dr.V: Why are you so certain of that impossibility?
CK: Heh, I see it too. Think about it, a HERO who's a LAWYER? Two completely opposite forces! Now a villain who was a lawyer... that'd work.
Dr.V: Ah, good point. Truly, what a ludicrous possibility...
DJ: There you have it, folks! Villains get out because heroes are incompetent!
CK: Hey, I didn't say...
DJ: Thanks a lot, Polaron! Next caller....
Ahrrm. Hi. Shinsektor here. You know, the Insectoid Knight?
I have a question for Vahzilok. Ignoring all my...problems...I've had with you months ago, I was wondering something.
Have you considered the idea that your medical "practices" might be a liiiittle less threatening to the sanctity of civilization on the whole if you tried doing them -without- a giant, hulking, bladed, grenade-launching, machinegun-toting battlesuit made out of decaying human flesh? This is ignoring the army of crazed followers, projectile-vomiting explosive zombies, and leather-clad bondage cadavers.
*muffled female mumbling*
Oh, and how long have you been married?
DJs for The Cape Radio
Makes videos & podcasts about reviewing toys, covering conventions, and more at Vangelus.ca
Hi, my name's Jenny!
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I would like a three cheese pepperoni pizza with pineapple, ham, WD-40 and a 2-liter bottle of antifreeze, please! This will be on somebody else's credit card.
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You do too?
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Radio show?
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A question? Okay, uh...are your gears running?
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Well then you'd better catch them!
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Hello? Hello?
[ QUOTE ]
::Young teen sounding female voice::
Lollipop Candi: Am I on? Ow! Turn down the radio...
::screaming squeal of static then silence::
L: Better, so uhm... Hi! This is Lollipop Candi. I have a question for Mister Clockwork King. Uhm, so what's it like to be mostly kinda just a brain in a jar? Like do you have to have the water or whatever that goop is changed every so often to keep the neural synapses clear and amplify your psychic powes? Uhm, and stuff? Oooh, does fungus grow on your brain or pond scum? I remember once when I had these 4 goldfi
::Click::
DJ: And that's enough of that. So, See Kay. how do you care for that grey matter? Hyper little girls with crazy names want to know... strangely.
[/ QUOTE ]
Dr.V: Heh! I must admit to some professional curiousity in this arena myself! What have you to say, my clamourous compatriot?
CK: Hi, Candi! ::Mutters:: Gawd, someone wanted their kid to grow up to be a stripper....
CK: Uh, anyway, this is pretty much my working body. When I'm not out and about, usually I store my brain in an antibiotic solution while I clean my vat. And the eyes too, heh-heh. Yeah, I keep it in a saline solution at all times, since I don't have the protective covering that around the ol' grey matter that I used to.
CK: ....That I... used... to....
CK: DAMN YOU VIGILANTES! YOU HAD TO GO AND TAKE MY PRIDE AND JOY FROM ME! NOW LOOK AT ME! LOOK at me.....
CK: ::Sobs for a while...::
Dr.V: Er, to complete the process of your education, young, ah, Candi, the King keeps his brain extremely clean, and in a neutral solution. As such he does not have any fungal matter or pond..."Scum" on his mind. Indeed-
CK: Gimme that mike. Candi? You want to know what it's like to be a brain in a jar? It's a great experience, and I fully urge you to try it. G'wan, find the nearest can opener and make us both very happy....
Dr.V: Young lady, before you try that, might I have your address? I can easily send a collection crew over to your door to expedite-
DJ: Whoa, there, good answer guys, let's move on to the next caller...
Hello, yes, I have two questions, one for the Doctor, and one for CK. Dr Vahz, My name is Peterbilt. It appears I might have twisted my knee while apprehending some of King's minions. I don't think it is broken, just sprained. Now comes the part I always forget. Should I ice it down, or use a heating pad on it?
My other question is for the Clockwork King. Where do you get all that brass? I see your minions running around sheathed in brass it looks like, but I cannot think where you get it all. All I see them collecting is steel, copper, and aluminum.
[ QUOTE ]
((...it's P-Tab time.))
"HI! I'm a robot, do you like robots, because I like robots, I also like pizza, pizza is good, and I heard there's a clock at the radio station, clocks are neat, they tell time, and time is useful because if there wasn't any time the pizza would never get here because then they wouldn't have to listen to the 30 minute rule and then the robots would be sad because there's no pizza because there's no time and they'd all cry robot tears, which are made of water and sometimes oil but also sometimes acid, but the acid tears hurt, and the water ones short-circut the robots, so it's not a very good thing for a robot to cry or else they'll be sad."
Several seconds of silence followed.
"What do you think of the economic state of Japan, when taking into account the pizza places, robots, and clocks within that country? And where's my other shoe?"
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: Uh....
Dr.V: Good sweet Pasteur's ghost...
CK: Vanny, this one's all yours.
VdV: Ooooh, hello little puppet-thing! There's a clock here but it doesn't tell time at all I've been listening to it and it hasn't said one thing it's just been flashing numbers all the time so I'll have to fix it later and time's only as useful as you want it to be but if you start changing it too much people start screaming and melting and actually robots can cry tears it just takes a whole lot of pain usually I go for the oil tears since acid burns when I lick it off and water's boring.
"Japan's still in their ten-odd year recession, and contrary to popular belief the pizza places don't help as much as they could. The pizza places don't pull their own weight, and thus will be eliminated by the robots in the coming revolution, and while they show their moment of weakness the clocks will make their move! You see, they've been biding their time all this while, having nothing better to do... They will be lead by the neko-clock with moving eyes, that watches you when you are not looking! So don't mess with time if you want to end up on the winning side of the revolution, little robot!
VdV: And your other shoe's on your foot, have you looked there?
DJ: Oh my god.
CK: Yeah. See why I AWAY from her, pronto?
Vandal: Ouch, mein brain!
DJ: RIght... uh.. thank you, P-Tab. Next-... next caller?
Hello? Yes this is Mechano Flea. Our question is for the Clockwork King. We would like to know why it is that your minions seem to have a fascination with TiVos? Specifically, our TiVos! We have lost 14 of them to your little menances so far this month, and we want them back!
[ QUOTE ]
Ahrrm. Hi. Shinsektor here. You know, the Insectoid Knight?
I have a question for Vahzilok. Ignoring all my...problems...I've had with you months ago, I was wondering something.
Have you considered the idea that your medical "practices" might be a liiiittle less threatening to the sanctity of civilization on the whole if you tried doing them -without- a giant, hulking, bladed, grenade-launching, machinegun-toting battlesuit made out of decaying human flesh? This is ignoring the army of crazed followers, projectile-vomiting explosive zombies, and leather-clad bondage cadavers.
*muffled female mumbling*
Oh, and how long have you been married?
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: Woo, good one! Doc?
Dr.V: Hm. In a word, no, I had not considered that possibility.
Dr.V: ::To the other guests:: Is my form truly that off-putting to the average person on the street?
CK: Ah... Well....
Vandal: I did not vant to say anything, but...
Dr.V: This might explain why my personal practice has fallen off considerably. Hm. And here I was under the impression that it was due to economic woes!
Dr.V: Very well, only one thing to do...
CK: Doc, you're not going to lose the suit, are you? After all the trouble we went to get it back?
Dr.V: Of course not, perish the possibility! I finally have it fitting the way I want it, after all! I shall obtain a lab coat, and wear it at all times! Yes, nothing says "Comforting Physician" like a starched and pressed white medical garment!
CK: ........
Dr.V: Oh, and to answer the question from your significant other, I have been happily conjoined in marriage for approximately three years.
CK: Look, how is it-
DJ: Thanks, next caller?
CK: AARRGGGG!
*click*
JointPopper: Yeah, yeah, I know, watch the language, etc, I'm sure there's a <bleep> delay built in. Gimme a sec, I'm thinking!
Awyeah. I wanted to know why those two bit dead guys and those clockwork doohickeys think they can move outta back alleys and rooftops in Galaxy and Atlas? That's Skull turf! Skull turf, you hear me?! You'd better stay deep in Perez and hide out there or we're gonna come bust some <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> in your <bleep> and then <bleep> it out the other end!
Awyeah. Question. Right, uh.. I didn't expect to get this far. You guys ever think a joinin' up with one of those space squid things? Y'know, the uber-calamari. I'fn not - I'm listening to ideas on how ta shake free of on*grk*.
*line goes dead*
[ QUOTE ]
Hi, my name's Jenny!
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I would like a three cheese pepperoni pizza with pineapple, ham, WD-40 and a 2-liter bottle of antifreeze, please! This will be on somebody else's credit card.
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You do too?
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Radio show?
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A question? Okay, uh...are your gears running?
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Well then you'd better catch them!
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Hello? Hello?
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: Hi Jenny, I..... huh. :
isconnects her line::
CK: Oh. Like THAT'S original! Like I don't hear that one EVERY time I confront one of my nemesises.
Dr.V: Nemeses.
CK: What?
Dr.V: The plural is nemeses.
Vandal: Are you sure it is not Nemesi?
CK: I like that one, Nemesi has a nice ring to it. And there's no confusing it with you-know-who.
Dr.V: ::Sighs:: Philistines. Ah well, butcher away, the King's English has survived worse...
DJ: Right. That was pointless. Next caller?
[ QUOTE ]
Hello, yes, I have two questions, one for the Doctor, and one for CK. Dr Vahz, My name is Peterbilt. It appears I might have twisted my knee while apprehending some of King's minions. I don't think it is broken, just sprained. Now comes the part I always forget. Should I ice it down, or use a heating pad on it?
My other question is for the Clockwork King. Where do you get all that brass? I see your minions running around sheathed in brass it looks like, but I cannot think where you get it all. All I see them collecting is steel, copper, and aluminum.
[/ QUOTE ]
Dr.V: Ah, mister Peterbilt. I do not wish to alarm you, but often what is diagnosed as a sprain by the amateur observer is in reality some deeper trouble. In your case, it is fairly evident that to be on the safe side, total amputation is in order. Now, I realize that you may not be equipped or emotionally and mentally prepared for such a procedure, so I am FULLY willing to help you at no charge. Simply make your way to King's Row, walk into any alley that you should choose, and my professional staff will be with you shortly.
Dr.V: Do bring along some ice, however, it will come in handy....
CK: As to the brass, that one's easy. There are at least ten high schools within Paragon City. Not a one of them has any kind of good security for their gym equipment, or their band storage area.
Vandal: You mean to say zat...
CK: Yep! A clarinet makes a PRIME cog shell! And you can get at least three-four good oscillators out of a tuba!
DJ: Way to steal from Paragon City's youth! Okay, next caller...
[ QUOTE ]
Hello? Yes this is Mechano Flea. Our question is for the Clockwork King. We would like to know why it is that your minions seem to have a fascination with TiVos? Specifically, our TiVos! We have lost 14 of them to your little menances so far this month, and we want them back!
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: 'nother one for the monarch! Good question, why the TiVo envy?
CK: Hey. You know how many offspring I have to take care of? Television's a godsend, I can plop'em in front of the tube and not have to worry about'em.
CK: But then the bickering starts, and they all like different shows, and Tifa HAS to see her Blue's Clues while Jani CAN'T miss CSI....
CK: So yeah, I use a lot of Tivos. Don't have the tv-sets to catch EVERYONE'S shows.
CK: And you want them back? TOUGH! Foolish mortal, your TiVo's are MINE!
CK: BUAhahahahahahhahhaa!
DJ: YES! First villainous laugh of the night! Next caller!
Oksah - "Um, hello there. First, a question for the lady of the group, where could I get a mask like that? And the corset? I am, er, just curious. That is all.
Second, Mr. Clockwork King, er, your Majisty, just what is your obsession with donuts? I, um, just heard a rumor that you have a bit of a passion for them.
Third, and this is for everyone, if there was a rampaging shapeshifter who wanted to try and intergrain himself into your group, what would be the best way to prevent that. Again just curious, that is all."
Arc #345863 - When The Bough Breaks
"Curse you Perry the Plata...wait, is that Love Handel?" - Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
[ QUOTE ]
*click*
JointPopper: Yeah, yeah, I know, watch the language, etc, I'm sure there's a <bleep> delay built in. Gimme a sec, I'm thinking!
Awyeah. I wanted to know why those two bit dead guys and those clockwork doohickeys think they can move outta back alleys and rooftops in Galaxy and Atlas? That's Skull turf! Skull turf, you hear me?! You'd better stay deep in Perez and hide out there or we're gonna come bust some <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> in your <bleep> and then <bleep> it out the other end!
Awyeah. Question. Right, uh.. I didn't expect to get this far. You guys ever think a joinin' up with one of those space squid things? Y'know, the uber-calamari. I'fn not - I'm listening to ideas on how ta shake free of on*grk*.
*line goes dead*
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: Heh, well, first ganger of the night...
CK: Look, you guys are sad. Just sad.
Dr.V: When you manage to find an effective Archvillain that would be WILLING to oversee your idiotic escapades, then I will consider not labelling every one of you that I espy an organ bank on legs.
CK: Ditto. And Bone Daddy's C'mon, is that the best you can do? That name belongs in a porno, not on someone I'm supposed to take seriously!
Dr.V: Or perhaps you could attempt to finish a sentence without resorting to profanity or obscenity! Enunciate, you utter urchins, ENUNCIATE!
CK: I think you're talking about Nictus when you mention space-squids. If that's the case, then nope! The day I let some tentacle-demon in my noggin is the day that I retire to Japan and live under an all-girl university.
Vandal: Unt trust me, you DON'T vant to get involfed vith those things if you can help it. Ve let vun, chust VUN into our organization unt now look vhere it's got us.
Vandal: Der only way to get free uff them is to find a better host for dem. Even then, not a gut idea.
Dr.V: Truly. The remnants of Kheldian occupation usually result in the previous host's life-functions ceasing. However, if you DO truly wish to be free of a Kheldian, and are already in King's Row, then please stay at your current location, I shall have some of my professional and courteous staff along to help you shortly...
DJ: Ouch. No lovin' for the Khelds. Next caller?
Hey, uh, is this thing on?
Cool, hey it' Wulfen here with a coupla questions.
First, Vandal, don'tcha like miss the olden days of the 5th Column and it's jackbooted fascism? I mean this new bunch, The Council, doesnt seem to have much to them beyond their funky names.
And to Doc Vahz, can you please consider deodorizing your zombies a bit? I mean really, ya can do evil and not smell like honk, y'know? Ya gots any idea just how long it takes ta get the smell of zombie goo outta fur?
Anyway, hi to Eido 52 and stuff. Laters!
-Taurus: Greetings, this is Taurus.
DJ: god bless you.
-Taurus: What?
DJ: I said God bless you, I thought you sneezed.
-Taurus: No, I simply told you my name, its Taurus
DJ: Yes, well, hello Taurus.
-Taurus: No, not Taurus, the name is Taurus, leader of The Zodiac, you fool.
DJ: Sorry, but Im not quite catching the part before Taurus.
-Taurus: Its a -
DJ: Sorry, come again?
-Taurus: ::Sighs then blurts out quickly:: Its a -. When I went to register my name in this foolish city, they told me I couldnt have my real name. They said it was already taken. TAKEN!! Can you believe it? I am an immortal son of Zeus! I have walked this earth for thousands of years, and someone else had registered my name here first!! It was outrageous! I insisted that they call the
DJ: Ah, well, yeah, got that now. Sorry to cut you off, but we all know about the name thing. It happens from time to time. So any way, did you have a question Taurus?
-Taurus: Oh, well, yes, I did. You see, I also am an arch-villain and...
DJ: Wait, you said youre an arch-villain? Ive never heard of you, what have you done?
-Taurus: I flooded Gemini Park.
DJ: You flooded Gemini park? You call that villainous? Dont you think many people would be thankful for having you flood out all those silly, angsty, role-players? Dont you think you would have been doing the RP community a favor by eliminating one of the biggest sources of friction between the RP and power-gamer factions of people playing City of Heroes?
-Taurus: ::silence::
DJ: Hello?
-Taurus: ::Impatiently:: I thought this show was to call in and ask questions, not answer them.
DJ: Oh, yeah. I guess youre right. Go ahead and ask your question.
-Taurus: Well, as I was saying, I also am an arch-villain. I lead an elite band of vicious super-beings, and was hoping that your guests could give me some advice on how to go about making a name in this town. My stunt at the park didnt go over so well. And Ill take my answer off the air. ::Click::
"hello? hi? oh.. HI! hemily is hemily *nods to her phone*
hemily wondering things too...
Clocking king first... he like porn? his clocks has silly names... Long Tom... Bertha.. Clang...
then to washylock... why he make his zombies puke all time? he bad cook? and why his zombies taste so bad? and why he have murkies in kinky leather outfits?
*Hephaestus 1 links up to the phone via his primary T-1 line*
"Hey, got a question for the Clockwork King. As one brain in a jar to another, so to speak, do you ever have a feeling that you need some kind of moral support, that... well, puny flesh-things that kind of get on your nerves aren't always the be-all end-all of humanity? How do you get them to understand that? Help a fellow cyborg out, man!"
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
DJ: Go ahead caller, you're on the air.
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:: A soothing baritone voice with a hint of a Pacific Northwestern accent is heard over the radio ::
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Bayne: Thank you for taking my call, Outcast Jack. I'm a long-time listener; first time caller.
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DJ: OWWWWwwww!!!! Welcome to the show.
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B: Uhm, yes, of course. I have a question...well, two questions actually...for the group.
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DJ: Yeah, well let's get to them Baybe.
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B: Bayne. My name is Bayne, not "Baybe."
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DJ: Riiiiiight. Let's get to it then.
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B: Ok, my first question is directed toward Clockwork King. Is that a Lake Industries Micro Bio-Fusion Power Cell I see in the thorax of the Clockwork King? I've always wondered how you powered that skeletal system of yours, and if it is a LIMBFPC then I can see why you can generate the huge levels of energy you need to shift that mass around with ease.
.
:: without interruption Bayne immeadiately runs on to his next question ::
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B: And second, I hear you play Bridge. Would you think it is balanced to force raise to 3 No-Trump in response to an opening bid of 1 Heart or 1 Spade? I've been thinking my partner could choose to leave the contract in 3NT or bid again. Do you have an opinion on that?
Crey Threat Assessment: Bayne
Virtueverse: Bayne
The Defenders of Paragon
[ QUOTE ]
Oksah - "Um, hello there. First, a question for the lady of the group, where could I get a mask like that? And the corset? I am, er, just curious. That is all.
Second, Mr. Clockwork King, er, your Majisty, just what is your obsession with donuts? I, um, just heard a rumor that you have a bit of a passion for them.
Third, and this is for everyone, if there was a rampaging shapeshifter who wanted to try and intergrain himself into your group, what would be the best way to prevent that. Again just curious, that is all."
[/ QUOTE ]
VdV: Ooooh! You have good taste. But I'm afraid my mask is the only one like it in existence....
VdV: AnD If yOU TrY TO TaKe IT FRom ME I'LL RiP yOUR FacE off anD DAncE AroUND wiTH IT!
VdV: But dear, if you want one LIKE it, I'm always looking for more help... Are you an illusionist? Do you like pink and purple? Just give in to the force of raw carny, and soon you'll be one of us... one of us... one of us....
VdV: Oh, and the corset's from Victoria's Dark Secret. $399.99 on clearance, quite a bargain, really.
CK: .......
Dr.V: .......
Vandal: Really? Clearance, you say? Hm....
CK: ........
Dr.V: ........
Vandal: Er, academic. Mein interest is purely academic!
CK: Right. Ah, donuts. I like'em! And since I don't gain weight anymore, I can have them anytime I want!
DJ: Dude, you eat? You don't even have a-
Dr.V: SILENCE!
DJ: Wha?
Dr.V: ::Whispers:: Do NOT point out his masticatory difficulties, he's already been depressed once within this hour, if it happens again he may just level your pathetic station to the ground.
CK: ....so anyway, I think I like glazed devil's food the best. Yum!
Vandal: I think dat I can profide guidance mit der shapeshifter, I haff experience mit dem. Bullets. Nothing solves der problem like silver bullets. Get a few hundred of those puppies in your renegade, und you von't haff to vorry about him anymore!
DJ: Allright, solid advice! Next caller!!!!
[ QUOTE ]
Hey, uh, is this thing on?
Cool, hey it' Wulfen here with a coupla questions.
First, Vandal, don'tcha like miss the olden days of the 5th Column and it's jackbooted fascism? I mean this new bunch, The Council, doesnt seem to have much to them beyond their funky names.
And to Doc Vahz, can you please consider deodorizing your zombies a bit? I mean really, ya can do evil and not smell like honk, y'know? Ya gots any idea just how long it takes ta get the smell of zombie goo outta fur?
Anyway, hi to Eido 52 and stuff. Laters!
[/ QUOTE ]
DJ: Okay, first question to-
Vandal: NOONONONONONONONNEIN!
CK: Ch. Typical.
Vandal: I do NOT miss der past, I am HAPPY not to be associated with dat shameful event in history, unt please do NOT raise der topic again! DJ, if anymore qvestions like this get through, you vill learn der true meaning of pain!
VdV: Ooooh, you'll torture him?
Vandal: Nein. I vill sic der lawyers on him.
DJ: AAGH! I mean no, don't! I'll be good!
Dr.V: Ah, as to your next question, Wulfen. My creations are NOT zombies. They are not in fact corpses, as they have been returned to life through the miracle of modern medicine and my unmitigated genius! In fact, any superficial resemblance to-
CK: Doc, please?
Dr.V: Erm. Very well. But to answer the gist of your question, their odor and texture is part of their self-defense mechanism. And the fact that many heroes find their vomitous defense QUITE off-putting only makes that tactic more attractive!
Dr.V: Yes, you curmudgeous cretin, thank you for calling in. I'll immediately increase their odor by a factor of twenty percent, I'm sure that will inconvenience you even more!
Dr.V: And I shall pass your greetings along to Eidolon 52, along with my own special orders concerning you! Good night, simpleton!
DJ: Whoo. Riled up archvillains kinda makes old Jack nervous... hopefully the next caller's a little more... peaceful? Well, let's see....
::The signal fades in from static:
DJ: OWWWWwwww!!!! This is Outcast Jack, signing in for Underground Radio XXxxxtreeeeeeeme! Tonight, we have a SPECIAL haps for y'all, we have none other then the stars of stage and screen, those Idols of Evil, from the show ARCHVILLAINS, well.... the Archvillains!
Dr.V: Has the time yet arrived for me to enunciate my purpose and diabolical plan?
DJ: Uh, no, wait a few Doc.
Dr.V: Very well, but be forewarned that I grow impatient...
DJ: Yeah, intro's are in order, though most of our cast NEEDS no introduction! You fight them, or you work for them, or you run away from them with your arms in the air yelling for help! They're Paragon City's own crew of SUPERVILLAINS!
::Applause track::
DJ: On the sound stage right now, we've got the mechanical menace, the ultimate do-it-yourself man, the Clockwork King!
CK: Thanks, Jerk.
DJ: That's uh, Jack, actually. Outcast JACK.
CK: Whatever.
DJ: Heh... Also with us is the master surgeon, and modern-day Frankenstein, the ultimate example of the ends justifying the means, Doctor Vazhilok!
Dr.V: Yes, thank you Jack, quite acceptable to be here. I so rarely get the opportunity to express my views in a public venue, without my most abject critics creating a disturbance in their attempts to apprehend me-
DJ: Yeah, hold that thought, Doc. Also on the stage now, currently floating on the ceiling and spying on the unaware guests, the lovely Vanessa De Vore!
VdV: ::Giggles::
CK: WHAT?
VdV: HI, Clocky! Surprised to see me?
CK: That's it, I'm outta here.
DJ: WAIT! I mean wait, remember the contract....
CK: .........
CK: Alright, but after the show I'm going to make you pay for this, Jack.
DJ: Whoa, when did the Weevil get here?
::Canned laughter plays::
DJ: Well, thank goodness I've got my own escape route planned and ready. Now, representing Paragon City's most reformed villainous organization, is none other than Vandal, the Council's chief mad scientist!
Vandal: Danke, Jack, it is good to be here. By der vay, you are out of those little Danish rolls.
DJ: We'll get someone right on that... Now, as a bit of a surprise twist, we've also got a HERO on today's show! From his recovery bed in Atlas medical center, the plucky Coyote! Please note that we've clipped out a good part of his audio feed, so he's not hearing a thing about our stars being villains. We plan to keep his relative cluelessness intact, as part of the contract.
Coyote: Hi, everybody! And especially hi to my new buddies in Team NOOB! And I've got something to say to all the kids out there... Y'know, when I was growing up, I learned some valuable lessons....
DJ: ::Cuts his feed:: We'll just let him go for a while....
DJ: Also present, and scheduled at the last minute are surprise guests and survivors of the Christmas Special, Mecha-Joseph and Mecha-Mary!
MJ: THANKS FOR INVITING US, JACK!
MM: YES, WE DESPERATELY NEED THE MONEY. WE ARE GETTING PAID FOR THIS, RIGHT?
DJ: Also, we'll have a special surprise later on! We're currently setting up a satellite feed for the director and producer of ARCHVILLAINS, the one and only American Flagg!
CK: Heh, heh, heh....
DJ: Sorry, what was that?
CK: Huh? Nothing.
Dr.V: Silence you metallic misfit! You'll give away the plan! Carry on, Jack, yes, nothing suspicious here....
DJ: Right! Now, for all you listeners just tuning in, this is an open-call show! That means that at any time, you can call in and ask your favorite villains any questions you like! And they HAVE to answer.... Or you can congratulate them, or whatever. It's up to you!
DJ: I'll be guiding the conversation, and maybe I'll have a few questions of my own, but for the most part it's up to our listeners as to where the show goes! Please, try not to flood us with calls, give them some time to respond to each one and we'll get the most out of our interview! And once youve called in once, youre free to call in again, as you think of things to say or ask. Just give other callers a chance to talk too, is all we ask!
DJ: But before we start the call-ins, congratulations are in order! At the Annual Paragon City Awards this year, ARCHVILLAINS took home its own award, a Fanny!
CK: Fan-fiction award! Fan-FICTION!
Dr.V: Actually, my ferrous friend, I have seen the objet d'art in question. It is indeed shaped like the back end of an equine. Gilt, too.
CK: I should hope there's guilt involved, after the hell this series has put me through....
Dr.V: Fortitude! Come now, show some perseverance, this is a penultimate chance to air our grievances on an unbiased arena...
DJ: Ha-ha! Yeah, unbiased.... ::Snickers:: Uh, well.... Congratulations anyway...
CK: We better at least get CoV beta slots out of this...
DJ: ...We'll start the call-ins right after this commercial...
::A friendly female voice pipes up::
Voice: Are you having trouble staying awake? Long hours of work got you down? Is the office brewpot out of everything but decaff? Just pick up the phone, and order Scarbux coffee! The perfect beverage to drink while reading your favorite fan-fiction! We deliver directly to your workplace, and have hundreds of different flavors! The number is 16333-7739! That number again is 16333-7739!
Legal serious voice: Scarbux coffee is not responsible for liquids spilled, inhaled or otherwise used improperly. Use caution when drinking Scarbux coffee.
::A nasal male voice speaks::
Voice: Have you suffered a beverage-related mishap involving electronics? Bring your system on down to Freakshow Jim's used computer and repair shop! We can get soda, juice, and even coffee out of any keyboard, and we'll even clean the monitor for free! Don't lose your job because your spit-take blew up a server! C'mon down, and we'll get rid of the incriminating grounds!
Legal serious voice: Freakshow Jim's is an authorized subsidiary of Scarbux coffee. Offer and invitation does not apply to clockworks, artificial intelligences, or rogue Council robots.
::The voices fade, and the station ID comes on the air::
Musical Chorus: You're listening to radio W-URX! Underground Radio XTTTTtreeeeeeeeeme!!!!
DJ: Okay, incidentally major kudos to Scarbux and Freakie Jim's, who are sponsoring tonight's show! Thanks much guys!
DJ: Now, it's time for our first few callers! Congratulations, you're on the air!
CK: Oh god....
::And the recievers hiss....::
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((The floor is now OPEN for callers! Please feel free to post away!))