The_Phantoms_EU

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... Well, I promised GR that I wouldn't comment on these anymore, but... I just HAVE too; sorry GR!

Phantoms, PLEASE don't take this as anything but constructive criticism, OK? I'm NOT trying to get at you, or put you down, or anything. I just want to try to help you become a better writer.

OK, that said, I have to ask... Have you actually sat down and read this yourself? I have a feeling that what you've actually written doesn't bear much resemblance to what you're trying to get across. Sorry, but the whole thing is very disjointed, confusing, and well... Just not particularly intelligible to the reader.

At the end of part 1, we go from a drip of this chemical on your characters foot (I'm presuming he's wearing shoes), to at the start of part 2 with him being terrified of what happened. How is a drop of some chemical scary? You said that he didn't know what it would do, presumably nothing as it landed on his shoe rather than his skin, so why is he terrified?

The bit with William's death doesn't make much sense either, and the part at the end with the hero... How does Alex know this hero's name? Why would he be watching some nondescript researcher who had just spilled a drop of some new chemical on his shoe? What DID the chemical do? And who, really, ever talks like your hero does?

Again, I'm really sorry, but whilst the story you have in your head for this very likely works well, as you imagine it; when written down it just doesn't come across in any legible manner at all. As it stands, the only thing I'm left with after reading it is... confusion. I really just don't have a clue what's going on.

A few suggestions I'd like you to consider before continuing:

1. Get yourself a proof reader. Preferably someone with some experience in writing if you can, and most importantly, someone who will be HONEST with you. Without honest criticism, you will never improve.
2. You've clearly left large periods of time between writing each part, and haven't reviewed what you've written already before doing so; this makes the whole thing even more disjointed and hard to read. It's better to either write the whole thing in one sitting, and perhaps posting it a bit at a time, but finish it first; OR, make sure you properly review what you've already written before continuing.
3. Read it to yourself before posting; several times, and carefully. Don't presume that what you've actually typed is exactly what you had in your mind. Personally, I go through my stories several times, AND get them proof read, before I post them.
4. Do some reading of other peoples works in here. Look at how they construct sentences and paragraphs. Take note that when dialog is present, it's not presented in some disjointed manner, as if the speaker doesn't actually understand the language they're using, but flows naturally just like how people speak in real life.

If you have any questions, please, feel free to contact me via PM. My only aim here is to help you to become a better writer, after all.

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A lot of the questions you actually ask will be answered later. I appreciate all your critisim. I haven't ventured too far into the story venue, yet: I'll try to take it on board.

Anyway, good luck on getting banned by GR

I joined just before I8 launched. I would just like to thank PC Gamer for giving me a CoV trial and giving me 2 years on one of my most loved games I won't pick on you guys anymore!!!

There's been great memories, I can still remember my first team, all I remember I was on my first toon "Martialman" MA/Inv or MA/Regen it was and I was teaming with a Troller from the Netherlands . We were in a sewer mission with Vazhilok *blabs on*...

Back on topic, I agree and disagree with the changes since I started playing. What's changed and what's new:

Hero Paper Missions, in the form of Radio Missions

The New Faultline!!!

Veteran Rewards

Invention System

RWZ

Rikti Invasion Event!!! YAY!!!

Dual Blades and Willpower

Ouroboros

Midnighter Club

Cimerora

And that rounds it up. Lots of new stuff, good and bad.

Bit of a thread revival, but...

Chapter 3: A New Idenity, Part II

The horror that had faced Alex was unbearable. He had no knowledge, no insight, into what this was going to do. He slowly opened the door to get outside his lab, and looked a picture of the hero he wanted to be like. Positron. A great hero, a legend. He was undoubtedly one of the best in the world...that's why he was in the Freedom Phalanx. But Alex could not become that.

He went over to William's lab to tell him what had happened. Then, Alex opened the door to a shocking sight. A project had - killed - William. It can out of a giant testing tube. His "behind the scenes" creation had caused his own death. His heart was pulled out and the project eyed at Alexander. He then ran outside of the lab into the fresh open air.

Nothing could stop what happened that day; nothing dared come out of the lab. The eerie project lay there on the floor, sleeping. It let out a whine as it lost all its energy fighting William.

Soon, a hero known as Astral Outburst approached Alexander. "Hello there, Alexander Detrich. I have seen what has happened to you. I have watched your movements for years...now your heroic life will begin. Follow me, I will show you," Astral Outburst stated. Alexander began following Astral Outburst in a confused manner. He didn't know what to expect...

Yeah, so do once again and comment on this chapter. Part III will be up soon.

I have never tried perma-PA on my Ill/Sonic. I'll test this theory, too.

The underlying problem is his choices; as has been said, Fighting is pretty much useless, unless you want the extra defense from Tough/Weave. Also, don't slot Sprint, Brawl, or Rest.

Brawl = This is your bread and butter damage attack. Yeah, I'm being sarcastic.

Sprint = You have SS. No need to use sprint.

Rest = Slots could be better used. Not many people use Rest in the high levels. It should be recharged once youve finished off a mob, anyway.

Also, some recommendations. Use Hurl Boulder + Fissure + Spectral Wounds + Blind as your bread and butter damage and mez combo. Take Earth's Embrace's rech away, you don't need to use it all the time as Ill/ and you won't be grasping for it. But situations change sometimes, if so slot it 1-2 Rech. I would also put 2xFear in ST, at the end of the day it really does help.

Other than that, it seems a good attempt at a build. There's just lots of flaws in it which will break it to pieces.

Edit: Remove the End Cost in SS, its useless.

I can not give any recommendations on /Storm as I have never tried it.

Since the G V E is actually cheaper than getting both seperate CoH and CoV, though it doesnt really matter anymore, I thought why not for the Wedding and Cyborg packs. Create a "double pack" that is cheaper than the regular £5.99, like £9 pounds or something. (25% off) Or even do a Triple pack with Wedding + Cyborg + Jumpack for £10. (33% off)

I believe this will encourage to get them all in one big package. When more booster packs are realased, we do the same. I'm not saying replace the current ones, just add a "Double/Triple pack" to the PlayNC Store.

What are your thoughts on this?

fish ice cream

I am thinking about putting this set in RE. Basically, I've 6 slotted it - 2 IO recharges, and a SO regen. Which 3 in the set should I pick? Heal/Rech, Regen/Recovery and Healing/End/Rech is the ones I'm thinking of.

What are your thoughts on this? Should I drop the one or both of the Rech since I attempt to stay alive a lot and when I die its usually up again? And other questions. Thanks for looking

I was thinking of other worldwide charites. Perhaps UNICEF or something like that?

I've been playing for 2 years now and my faith hasn't dropped like you Hopefully you can stay for 5 Myopic...I know I'll try

Congratulations on 4 years!

from the pandas

Teen-rated game...that's American rating. It's PEGI rated 16+ for CoV for its obvious more EVIL content and 12+ for CoH. But since the two have "merged" they are now 16+. So that would be allowed, from my own personal experenice you are allowed to shoot innocents in Splinter Cell but it was GAME OVER and Pandora Tommorow of that was rated 12+...or we could just say that the civillans were "severly injured". I want to face Osama Bin Laden in the game, kick his south side in for his EVIL acts. Of course that's not going to happen either.

Yeah, I agree with 2. I usually don't respec until higher levels when I start to question my build but sometimes when my build hits underground I will do it low level. So I am all with this.

If we wait till November it will be 6 months since I12...so, 2 issues per year? That wasn't on Posi's mind, was it? And this isn't really a massive issue, just a lot of "middle and lower class" features stuck into a issue.

Yeah, it's just the concept that's the problem, the Huntsman is often viewed as a lower rank than the Crabs/Banes/Night Widows/Fortunatas. After all, they are just normal soldiers with guns. In this game you are superhuman. C/B/N/F are superhuman, because they've been trained to break limits and their bodies have been messed around with. Wolf Spiders and Huntsmen are just the lowest of Arachnos' food chain.

Just for a little clearing up, GR posted this:

http://uk.boards.cityofheroes.com/showfl...ev=#Post1204165

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I would love it if they did the website then added something like other games, say the Sony ones get, where you get your character info, all you badges and whats needed etc.

i would love them forever for that, as I hate having to manually track my badges, and the programs you can get either keep crashing or lag me out.

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They're already doing something similar to that called the City Vault. It hasn't been lanched yet. And NO, it's not because of a technical issue.

Kern and GR said we were getting something big related to the website posted in September, they said "it'll change in the coming weeks and months" but Novemeber is nearing and nothing seems to be happening.

Next page the skulls will all come alive, right?

But then the

I know some people don't like Cancer Research (but that isn't me) so maybe Cancer Research shouldn't include it.

I say Great Ormond Street Hospital, theyre a really great charity and hospital.

CreativeUK-ML-1243703-ML-

Title really says it all. My PB is sitting at level 39 and Ive just got bored with him. I cant be bothered to find a team. I really want to get him to 50 as hes my closest but all I seem to be playing is my Ill/Sonic Troller, my Stone/Nrg Tanker, and my spanking new Dark/Dark Corr.

My style is mostly human form, I have no problem keeping alive, yet I hate Nova form cos I'm so vunrable and hate being the Blaster and I think Dwarf is alright but I dont really use it.

Perhaps it could be the damage thats pulling me away. Im thinking of putting some Dmg and Rech in Incan Strike. And some Def in Light Form. Thats me as far as slotting goes anyway.

Can anyone provide som tips to keep a good damage combo (usually I go for Glintng Eye>Gleaming Blast>Radiant Strike>Incan Strike)? Also should I drop Quantum Shield? + various other questions

Old: Kat/SR
Current: Spines/Regen
Next: MA/Inv

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Sounds intresting. It will be good to see Hero 1 but he will be OWNED by me

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You should have done that already by now

He's the Honoree in RWZ TF

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I have - I want to face the real one, not some dumbed-down version by the Rikti

It's good to she Samuraiko's putting this forward. Hopefully NCNC will hire her, fingers crossed. I demand she gets paid more than everyone else's wages combined!