Steelclaw

So MMORPG and Paragon Studios have teamed up to offer the players a new contest in which to participate. The grand prize for this contest is... however... a little... well... shall we say... odd?

Trust me... I know odd...

I'm not talking about the five year subscription to the game; that's an awesome prize. I'm more thinking about the flying out to California... to get a haircut from Positron.

Don't get me wrong... I would LOVE to win this prize. I've already put in my entry. (Although to be honest I'm already thinking about how cool it would be to time it so I can guest-co-host one of the weekly U-Streams with Zwillinger... an idea guaranteed to give the poor lad nightmares until the contest winner is determined)

It makes one think about what the prizes might be for future Paragon Studio contests...

* Win a three hour class with Frietag on how to properly cook popular German cuisine! The winner shall also receive a free cholesterol test following the class...

* This month's prize will be to spend an evening at a local nightclub with Sexy Jay! Male winners will be given lessons by the king on how to properly woo ladies at the club. Should the winner be female, she and Sexy Jay will simply hang out at the club without any lesson plan for the evening. Note: SJ has requested that female winners supply a recent health clinic screening report prior to arrival at the club.

* Winner's of this contest will attend the "How To Abuse Your Power And Get What You Freaking Want" seminar with guest speaker Second Measure. First runner up will attend the "How To Get An Annoying Co-Worker Out of Your Office" talk by Synapse.

* Ten winners will be drawn at random from those who enter; those selected shall each win a random HAT actually worn by an employee while on a recent Ustream talk! A second drawing of ten more candidates shall... ALSO win HATS! A third drawing of ten more candidates shall be invited to attend the Great Hat Addiction Intervention of 2011 where we will finally try to get to the bottom of what the heck is up with all these guys and their freaking HATS!

* The winner of the Attention Junkie contest will be granted a special nickname of their choice in a here-to-for unattainable color on every character on their account. They will also have their name mentioned at least 10 times per Ustream episode for the next four weeks. Finally, they are guaranteed to have at least one Red Name respond to any post started by them in the Forums for the next year. Likewise, any person posting directly after the winner will have "First After the Attention Junkie" automatically added to their post.

* Pick ten movies that Tunnel Rat HASN'T seen then force her to watch them with you!

* Karaoke Night with Zwillinger!

* Touch Beastyle's Hair!

* Black Pebble will whisper ONE thing the Developers are currently thinking about planning to maybe possibly eventually work towards introducing into the game at some undisclosed time in the near or far future in your ear. Note: The winner must sign a non-disclosure agreement in their own blood in the presence of a personal servant of Sata... er... the NCSoft legal department.

* Draw something on the White Board!

* Leave memorial flowers at the base of Pohsyb's box.

* Pitch a story line idea to Doc Aeon... listen to his delighted laughter when you ask him if you will retain intellectual property rights or at least get paid for the idea if it makes it in-game.

* 48 hour Anime Marathon!! Yes, you can be locked in a small 10x10' room for two straight, uninterupted days with Beastyle and TheNet watching whatever Anime they choose! Note: Acceptance of this prize will require the signing of a Mental Health Liability Waiver.

* Adopt a QA! The Winner can pick any un-named QA employee in the office and give them an official "Arbiter" name of their choice.

Actually, I didn't write this as a means of saying "those darned newbs are ruining everything I love about this game!" Truth be told I've been hoping for an infusion of new players for a long time now and am still too close to my own frustrations of "Why did my danged attack button disappear when I clicked it?!" to feel comfortable ridiculing anyone else for their ignorance of a game that's new to them.

The concept behind the above news report was more along the lines of "what in the world must the non-powered citizens of Paragon be thinking about all these heroes coming in who have no idea of what they're doing? Especially considering most of the heroes they've dealt with over the past several years (even the first level ones) have been salty veterans..."

I imagine it must be very confusing.

We interupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this urgent message.

The CDC has declared Paragon City and the surrounding areas to be under a Yellow Alert for possible biological or chemical contageons! I repeat, Paragon City is currently under a CDC Yellow Alert.

When asked why the Alert was issued, Mortimer Crumb of the CDC said the following at today's press conference:

"We were made aware of potential problems by several concerned citizens of Paragon. They had recently witnessed an extreme upswing in the number of heroes wandering around Atlas Park who were... in one man's words... 'severely clueless...' We have spoken to as many heroes around the Atlas Statue as we possibly could and have found startling evidence to support the theory that our here-to-for dependable and knowledgable hero community may be slowly succumbing to an agent that leaves them... well... a bunch of newbs."

Our reporter Rip Corewell interviewed several such heroes today while investigating the story. If you have children in the room, we strongly suggest you consider sending them out. What you are about to hear is not encouraging.

"Yeah, new here to Paragon... umm... say... after I level up... do you have any idea where I go to get new powers and stuff?"

"Can you hear me? Tell me you can hear me! I've been trying to talk to that guy over there for ten minutes but it won't let me. Someone said I don't have access to private tells... But you can hear me, right?"

"I can't jump! Can someone tell me how to jump?!"

And, CDC officials state, the epidemic is only likely to get worse.

"This sort of thing starts out slowly. But then it will begin to spread... friends will infect friends... people who had a resistance to it will give in now that certain barriers have been removed... Soon you won't be able to turn around without some hero asking you what an influence is and what is he supposed to do with it..."

Rip Corewell also uncovered rumors that make the epidemic even more horrifying. According to sources, many of the heroes who are not displaying what the CDC is referring to as newbitis, are moving out of the city to an undisclosed location known only as The Exalted Haven. With more cases of newbitis appearing every day and our healthy heroes leaving, how long can we citizens of Paragon City consider ourselves safe?

When asked if the recent meteors striking Galaxy City could be the carrier of this strange new disease, CDC spokespeople would only say:

"We're not ruling out any possibilities at this time."

Stay tuned to SCS News for further updates.

Huh...

The top ten list of tings to do with returning heroes I made was completely different...

It also violated the teen rating on five separate occassions...

Go figure.

Now that you mention it I HAVE noticed a facial difference... dark... brooding... I thought it was just because I'd forgotten to shave this morning..

WARNING: The following act, like most Vaudeville comedy dialogs, contains innuendos of a slightly more mature nature. I'm not entirely sure if this out-right violates the Teen Rating or not since nothing is said directly, merely implied. However, if you are offended by such things I suggest skipping this one. Thank you, the Management. (I'm sure the Mods will let me know if I crossed a line soon enough.)

Positron: Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to our show... My name is Positron and this is my partner Synapse... say hello Synapse...

Synapse: So... you and Numina, huh?

Posi: Oh for the love of... you don't waste any time, do you?

Synapse: My sense of timing is immaterial... and speaking of immaterial...

Posi: Very funny... Why don't we leave her physical state out of this?

Synapse: We don't have any CHOICE but to leave her physical state out of it... but I have to say you, my friend, are a lucky man...

Posi: Yes, I am...

Synapse: After all... you're the only guy in the free world who can tell his girl "I don't love you just for your body" and have her actually believe him...

Posi: Do you suppose we could talk about something else?

Synapse: So when you guys decide to get intimate do you sit at a pottery wheel with her hovering behind you?

Posi: Synapse!

Synapse: Does she make you call her Patrick?

Posi: That's enough... How would you feel if I talked about your little romantic misadventures?

Synapse: You got nothin'... My record's clean as Hamidon's dinner plate...

Posi: Yeah, right... You forget I've talked with some of your ex-girlfriends... that last one had an interesting story to tell...

Synapse: Hey now... that wasn't my fault... I was a little drunk... so my aim was off...

Posi: She said it happened so fast it was over before she realized...

Synapse: Enough!

Posi: Isn't that illegal in several states?

Synapse: Positron... ENOUGH!

Posi: I wonder if that sort of thing will move you towards Vigilante?

Synapse: That's it... I'm leaving...

Posi: And I haven't even mentioned what the lady superheroes say about your flirting...

Synapse: I'm back... so ummm.... heh... they talk about me, huh?

Posi: Oh, yes... Lots... Mynx said you've hit on her enough times to last her the next five of her nine lives...

Synapse: What? No... No... I was just joking with her... she has that vicious streak.. no sense of humor...

Posi: Liberty said if you approach her one more time for "training advice" while wearing mirrors on the tops of your shoes she's going to kill you...

Synapse: ONCE! I only did that ONE time!

Posi: Apparently once was enough... I'm told Manticore has a special super-sonic, jet-propelled, electrical impulse seeking arrow with your name on it...

Synapse: Hey, wait a second... I have NEVER flirted or been inappropriate with Sister Psyche!

Posi: Well, you know Manti likes being prepared for eventualities... Speaking of which... If I were you I'd really try to control your thoughts around Swan...

Synapse (apprehensive and evasive): Swan? Er... I have no idea what you're talking about...

Posi: Well... she said if she hears the word "Molting" in your thoughts one more time she's going to make you think you're a four year old little girl with severe ADHD and a predisposition for My Little Pony.

Synapse: Some people have no sense of humor...

Posi: Now, I can handle all the others but... Synapse... you hit on Luminary? Really?

Synapse: I did no such thing! She's a machine... What makes you think I flirted with her?

Posi: Did you or did you not ask her if overclocking her processor would get her hot? And did you or did you not follow up with questions about her hardware/software interface, maximum RAM tolerances and which I/O port configurations she prefered?

Synapse: I'm a scientist... they were legitimate scientific questions! That's it... I'm out of here... good night everyone... I'm sorry to leave early but I have a hot date tonight...

Posi: If she isn't hot now she will be later... Being a scientist you'd think you'd remember the thermo-dynamic principles of friction... or at least realize what's going on when the smell of burning rubber fills the room...

Synapse: GoodNIGHT Positron... (he growls and sprints from the stage)

Posi: Heh, I haven't had that much fun in years...

Announcer's Voice Over Intercom: Mister Positron? Sorry to interrupt your show, but I have a Dark Respite here wanting to discuss your recent romance choices with you...

Posi: Synapse! WAIT FOR ME!

Wedding stories are great... especially the little boo-boos...

In my case, my bride (this would be my current ex-wife) stopped beside her grandfather's chair while walking down the aisle and turned to him.

He is a huge man who doesn't handle heavy emotional scenes very well. He looks up at her and, in a booming voice, says "Well, what in the hell do you want?"

"I'd like you to lift my veil for me, grandpa," she says quietly while every member of her family begins hiding their faces in their hands.

"Oh g****mmit," he thunders and climbs to his feet. He flips her veil up and back then, not missing a beat, says "I don't see what good it did... you're just as ugly with it up as you were with it down."

Yeah... wedding memories are priceless.

Not to start a rush on the Devs to create this or anything but...

Wouldn't it be supremely cool to have this as a cape option but when your character stood idle for a certain length of time they would automatically go into an emote where they wrapped it around themselves to get snuggly?

Congratulations and many happy returns to you both!

Now... because I'm me...

Top Ten Ways Samuraiko And Hublet Can Celebrate Nine Years

10) Take full advantage of this being the Leather Anniversary... spend three days apologizing for forgetting the "safe" word...

9) Add "Nine Years: A Retrospective" to the list of videos to be done... get around to it by the 14th anniversary...

8) Convince the hubbie to put on the home-made Positron armor to re-enact favorite scenes from Nerd Romance...

7) Whisper "you know... City of Heroes isn't the ONLY game in town that's free to play..." in his ear and see what develops...

6) Watch Wedding video together... complain about all the errors and mistakes... shake head at what a noob you were back then...

5) Second Honeymoon Task Force.

4) Read all the responses to this thread... double then triple check main characters' email and realize everyone would rather say "happy anniversary" than send gifts...

3) Run one of your Tip missions together... congratulate him on his find of a purple recipe... call lawyer to see if there is such a thing as "justified homicide"...

2) Greet him at the door wearing nothing but a name tag reading "Hello My Name is Katherine"... ask him if he's interested in running a quick Katie...

1) Use your Ouroboros Portal to go back and do it all over again... Not. Change. A. Thing.

Desperate Guy: You must be on a villain mission because you've stolen my heart.

Turndown Girl: You'd better hope not because you have to touch a glowie directly for several seconds to get it.

DG: Do you want it? If you asked for my heart, I'd take it out right here and hand it to you...

TG: Hmmm... before you do that let me check to see what the Vahzilok are offering for hearts these days...

DG: Why do you have to be so mean to me?

TG: I have to get SOMETHING out of this, don't I?

DG: That's okay... I've always thought of myself as a Tank... I can take whatever abuse is necessary to achieve my goal...

TG: That's strange... I've always thought of you as a Stalker myself...

DG: Stalker? That might not be so bad... You'd never see me coming...

TG: I could live with that... since what I've always REALLY wanted was to see you GOING...

DG: Admit it... if I DID leave you'd miss me...

TG: Probably... I can only throw things just so far...

DG: If you were an IO Set you'd be Absolute Amazement...

TG: Funny, I've always thought of myself as Mocking Beratement...

DG: What about me?

TG: Annoyance.

DG: If you were invention salvage and I found you... you'd be my Destiny.

TG: Yes, death omens are destinies too...

DG: You'd better be careful... If you keep turning me down I might go flirt with someone else...

TG: I've heard Silver Mantis was looking for a big, strong man...

DG: Really? And you think I qualify?

TG: No... I think you could help her look...

DG: I could never look at another woman anyway... I only have eyes for you...

TG: It's not your eyes I'm interested in... it's your hands...

DG: My hands? Oh, I get it... because you want me to hold you... to touch you...?

TG: No... I finally got around to checking out the latest Vahzilok pricing list...

DG: If you want I can respec to six slot my Stamina for you...

TG: No, because you can't respec to change your class..

DG: It doesn't matter... I don't have a specified Archetype...

TG: I didn't say Archetype... I said "class"... another thing which you don't have...

DG: I should talk to DJ Zero... I bet he has a dimensional door that could get me into your heart...

TG: I wouldn't... He only lets you in here because you put the "D" in Pocket D...

DG: Hey now... DJ Zero loves me...

TG: Not really... because of you he's been looking into establishing a permanent power dampening field on the dance floor..

DG: Because my powers of Awesome Animal Magnetism are so incredible?

TG: No... because you're making all the psychics nauseous... That's all for tonight folks... try the prime rib and be sure to tip your waitress! Say goodnight Desperate...

DG: Goodnight, Desperate!

Note... re-read the title... I said POSSIBLE reasons... my spy ferrets are notoriously unreliable with their information gathering techniques.

* They've found TheNet's pron collection and it's taking them this long to purge it all.

* "If we've told you once, Beastyle, we've told you a million times! Don't lean over the cooling system's air in-take vent! The server banks can't take that much hair product!"

* Assign Subroutine: TangentTracker... Subject: Zwillinger... Tracking All Tangents Diverging From Prime Focus Of Intent... Tracking... Tracking... ERROR... Insufficient Memory... Critical Memory Leaks In Sectors 0001... 0002... 0003...

* "Dang it... that's the tenth time this month we've found brownie crumbs in the server stack! Someone tell Samuraiko to stop sending War Witch bribery snacks!"

* Doctor Aeon's private log... Entry 48281.3... My plans to elevate my value as a writer are going along perfectly... Soon the servers will be so unreliable we will only be able to support a Zork-style text-only adventuring format... and then I WILL RULE ALL!

* "Indian summer my rosy red sweet cheeks! I don't care if you're THE Positron or not... if you redirect the server cooling systems to your office one more time we're smearing you with honey and staking you next to a fire ant hill!"

* "Okay Second Measure... let's go over this again... you LIKED the fact that Street Justice was considered your total abuse of power... you liked it so much that you began thinking about ways you could top it..."

* "They laughed at me because I'd never seen Ghost Busters... so I watched it... right? I mean... what the heck? But it was GOOD... I mean... it was REALLY good... so... well.. I started downloading more and more 80's movies... I couldn't seem to stop myself... and well... they all wouldn't fit on MY hardrive... so... I had an idea..."

* Subject: Freitag... Re: Disciplinary Action... We have decided that Freitag is simply overworked and so have required him to take a week's time off work using his accumulated vacation time. This decision was reached after the fourth day in a row of finding him in the server room, hand on the circuit board kill switch, dressed as a 5th Column cosplayer and screaming in german that his demands must be met or Paragon City would perish.

* "You're kidding me, right? Well how the heck did he get access? But you're sure we caught in time... you're SURE we caught it? Okay... okay... that's good... I'd rather tell our subscriber base that we have another 8 hour down time window than try to explain that Sexy Jay somehow replaced EVERY NPC and character model in the game with an avatar of himself..."

So just after Issue 21 went live I restarted my latest version of my Tournament with anticipation and glee, unaware of the dark secrets and abyssal miasma of hatred and despise in which I was about to mire myself.

Oh, and before you continue, please be aware that this includes some SPOILERS... so if you haven't played through some of the new Atlas Park content you might want to shrug, mutter "Steelclaw's crazy" to yourself and go on to another thread.

That being said, I was playing my Main Hero D'Shan Steelclaw through early level content and got a new contact by the name of Aaron Thiery.

I felt a glow of surprise and happiness that one of the new contacts introduced in Issue 21 was named Aaron just like me! Now, being possessed of a warped mind, I of course toyed with the idea that it was a sort of anonymous, left-handed tribute to myself. I wasn't serious about that, mind you, since I'm not known here as anything other than Steelclaw and a few derogatory terms, but still, the thought crossed my mind...

And then I got into the story.

Apparently... despite people sending you to talk to Aaron... no one really likes him. Indeed, the introducing contact goes out of his way to say Aaron is "wierd" and "I don't really like him, but..."

Ummm... Okay... I squirm a little uncomfortably... I mean... I THOUGHT I was generally accepted if not liked by the Dev team... but obviously they weren't talking about me... right?

Then the story line develops and we find out that Aaron is really a backstabbing horrible individual who helped Arachnos invade Atlas Park.

Ouch! Okay! So maybe I made a few lists that poked fun at the Mods and Devs... still that doesn't make me a backstabbing traitor does it? The jokes weren't THAT bad...

Finally you manage the corner the unsavory Aaron at the end of the last mission and he... ::takes a deep breath:: He ASKS YOU TO KILL HIM! Aaron pleads with you to kill him in cold blood!

::shudders::

Now... I'm not saying that the Developers deliberately created a hated character who (apparently) deserves to be slaughtered at his own request and purposefully gave him my name... Still... it's an interesting stretch of the old odds, doncha think? Ummm... No... No I definitely do NOT believe the Devs would do something like that over a few joke lists and some harmless poking...

But still...

I would like to issue a public and heartfelt apology to any Developers and Moderators, past, present and future for any offenses they may have felt were directed at them due to my lists, jokes or comments.

Furthermore, if the Devs and/or Mods need to reach me I will be in my new Safe Room I've had built in my basement. For the immediate future I will be declining any invitations to CoH Meet and Greets.

I saw this episode and liked it.... as far as it went... but I would have done it quite a bit differently.

The point they all seemed to miss is the common denominator between Vampires and Zombies which is HUMANS.

The way I would have set up is there are three Vampires and... say... ten Zombies. But there are 500 humans on the grid as well.

Vampires can use the humans to feed upon which grants them a strong regeneration buff that lasts through the feeding and can heal them of any sustained damage if their feeding is not interrupted. The Vampires don't gain a damage and strength/speed buff from drinking blood but they DO sate their thirst. A thirsty Vampire who has not fed in a specific amount of time will incur a gradually increasing debuff to those stats.

Zombies, of course, have only one use for the humans and that is spreading their virus and increasing their numbers. So when a Zombie "kills" a human they not only take away a potential feeding victim for the Vampire but also increase their numbers. Also, in most Zombie movies I've ever seen a person can be bitten and not die immediately; they sort of linger on, growing sicker and sicker until they die and go Zombie. During this "in-between" stage of contamination they appear as normal humans. Any Vampire feeding on a contaminated human will become violently ill (not die) and vomit up ALL the blood in their system. This puts them immediately at their maximum Thirst Debuff and requires they find a healthy human to feed on as soon as possible.

There would be two possible Vampire strategies. They could immediately set out and try to take out the Zombies while their numbers are still small and prior to the over-whelming level. This might be problematic in larger combat areas. They could also herd humans into a well-protected and isolated area, getting as many as they can and then using them as replenishment when the zombies begin attacking.

The Zombies of course, being Zombies, won't have any sort of strategy at all.

Hmmm... that title may be a little misleading. I'm not talking about making them pay as in "I curse retribution down upon thee! May your children be born with goat beards and all your future lovers be card carrying members of the Disease of the Month Club!" sort of Pay... rather I mean ways to get them to switch from Free to Play status to VIPs.

My plan is to annoy Free players just enough so they switch to VIP just to get a break from the irritations without annoying them so much they quit entirely.

The following "alterations" will affect Free To Play players only:

* Any use of fire powers inside an office building by a F2P character will result in the sprinkler system going off. This will include a minor debuff to fire damage as well as making an annoying squish-squish-squish sound when you run.

* Any dual blades, broadsword, etc character who jumps in an office map while their weapons are out have a 10% chance per jump of sticking in the ceiling.

* Passing by a vagrant or beggar on any outdoor map will result in the message "Oh yeah! Like I expected a cheap ba***rd like you to spare some change!"

* When entering an instanced mission there is a 0.5% chance that the player will enter an over-head 8-bit graphics map with an annoying midi sound track and simple early 80's sound effects. The entry message will read "We're sorry but due to budget constraints brought on by un-named MOOCHERS we couldn't afford flashy graphics for this mission."

* Attempting to participate in ANY costume contest will result in transformation to the exclusive "Hefty Trash Bag With Holes For the Arms and Neck" costume set.

* While fighting Lost the enemies will occassionally say such things as "Sheesh, and I thought WE were on a tight budget", "One of us! One of us!" or "Get a job ya bum!"

* Although it will be viewable ONLY by Free to Play characters, any character having earned one or more Incarnate levels will have a new aura where a spot light of golden illumination lights them from above while cherubs hover playing beautiful cascades on their harps and fan girls/boys of incredible beauty and scanty dress follow them screaming in rapturous adoration.

* Instead of saying words of praise for their accomplishments, Civillian NPCs will occassionally stop, glare at the character and spit at their feet.

* Training to the next level will now cost influence.


As a complete aside I've decided to include a Steelclaw bonus track with this one. Which is a fancy way of saying I had a random thought in my head and couldn't think of a list to cram it into....

* Avatea is a British woman of Asian heritage living in America who speaks other languages fluently... If I ever have the honor of meeting her I'm going to have to make sure my passport is up to date before I dare say "hello."

She keeps the account and all her toons, allowing you access to delete all yours off the account first as well as promising not to take your names, etc.

You immediately open a NEW account and begin planning the rules, preparing the spreadsheets for your newest tournament.

Meh... I don't plan on creating any characters on Exalted anyway. And it's not like I have a spotless reputation to protect or anything...

Why did I just get a private message from Zwill telling me I could officially take tomorrow off from CoH?

Although the promise of waffles was a nice touch...

Yeah... what the thread title said... sheesh guys... do I have to re-explain everything?

* UStream Drinking Game... Hear a tangent... Take a shot...

* Enter password... Nope... not this time... ten seconds should be a long enough wait between log-in attempts, right? Enter password... Dang!... I know they said ten hours but surely they exagerated... Enter password... Aw flubbatawugget!!... come on!... fifteen minutes is MORE than enough time to download this thing!... Enter password...

* Watch UStream... try to get Zwill (or whoever is replacing him during his bio breaks) to say your name on-air... 1 pt per mention... winner gets a Zwillinger plushy!

* One million two hundred thousand three hundred forty two bottles of Enriche on the wall... One million two hundred thousand three hundred forty two bottles of Enriche... take one down... pass it around... One million two hundred thousand three hundred forty one bottles of Enriche on the wall...

* Get everyone in Chat to chant "Toga! Toga! Toga!" during the UStream broadcast... don't stop until one of the Devs actually WEARS a Toga...

* Dress your Star Wars, GI Joe, Masters of the Universe, Barbie or whatever action figures you have up as your favorite characters and enemy groups. Film your battles while saying aloud the damage done, powers used, and other statistical information for the camera to record. When done, send video to the NCSoft help desk with a demand that the appropriate xp, influence, etc be sent to the appropriate one of your characters.

* During the 8th or 9th hour of the UStream broadcast, when Zwillinger is beginning to phase in and out of reality, try to convince him it's the Jerry's Kids Telethon and he's Jerry Lewis. Bonus points if you can get him to be an angry Jerry who came on the telethon only to bad-mouth the people who kicked him off in the first place.

* Call naughty 1-900 number and convince person answering to pretend to be your favorite Signature Character. If they say something that seems out of character, demand your money back.

* In Chat send suggestions to Beastyle, Frietag or TheNet of practical jokes to play on Zwillinger while he is on air. You get 1 pt per suggestion they comment on and 10 pts per suggestion they actually follow through on. Winner gets 1 hour of play time with Zwillinger, who will no doubt be "oh-so-eager" to help you out after the "great fun times" you just put him through in front of a world-wide audience.

* 10 Hours of the Following: "Oh... I am SO going to get Beam Rifle with my points as soon as it's up! On the other hand, those extra salvage slots on all my characters would be killer... No.. No... definitely Beam Rifle... or Costumes... after all my character Uber-Mannz doesn't look as Uber as he could be... Hmmm.. I should check out that spreadsheet I made of the items and pricing again... maybe I could squeeze in both..."

* Listen in as Zwillinger calls the Ustream support staff while on-air to see if there's anyway he can perma-ban Steelclaw from participating in it ever again.

Response to OP List:

* Get outta my yard! Aw crud... don't matter if they're in muh yard or not... they've bugged all muh begonias...

* Wait... Westley was back?

* Hold on a moment... you can use EULA as a cover for searching your subscriber's hard drives and transfering whatever information you want? That's it... I'm gonna make my OWN game now! Once I have access to gamers' hard drives world wide my pron collection is gonna be HUGE!

* Seriously.... he's back? I thought we sprayed to prevent that sort of thing...

* Well dang... there goes my hopes of being a CIA spook... ain't no way I'm going to own a computer that doesn't have CoH on it...

* Westley came back without me knowing it... creepy... makes me want to go out and re-do all the booster shots I had as a kid... just in case.

What am I most looking forward to?

WHAT AM I MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?!

Being able to bloody well PLAY the game again since I couldn't play my new Tournament until the freaking game caught up with the new rules system for it!! I've been waiting three or more weeks without playing for this flippin' Issue to come out! An' all I gotta say is.... NO! Let me go! I've been waiting a while to tell the Devs exactly what I think of the way they treat me and my Tournament! Get your hands off me! OUCH! What the heck wazzz zat? Wuzz an owie... ooooh... pretty colors.... zzzzzzzzz...

Announcer's voice: We are sorry to interupt this response to the "What I'm most looking forward to in Issue 21" thread... It was Steelclaw's nappy time.

Why limit ourselves?

Relapse - Synapse from Repeater World

Mack Malley Mauler - BABs from the Sesame Street: Today's Dimension Was Brought to You By The Letter "M" world

Sister's Daughter's Cousin's Grandmother's Aunt's Step-Son's Mother Psyche - Obscure Relative World

Lord Obtuse - Planet Duuuuuuuuuh...

Toast Widow - World Without Heimlich

Capt Baco - Pork World

Lanaru the Comparably Reasonable - Steelclaw Dimension

Roast Widow - World without Fire Prevention

Lord Nem As-Is - World of Used Car Salesmen

Cole-Apse - (pronounced Collapse) World of Slash Pregnancies; son of Emperor Cole and Synapse

Moron - Neuron... also of Planet Duuuuuuuuuh...

Back Alley Sprawler - Planet Intoxication

Back Alley Bawler - Planet Emo

Host Widow - Planet Gameshow

Back Alley Lol-er - Planet Comedian

Back Alley Caller - Planet Telemarketer

Sir Rocko - Phonetic World

Pink Butterfly - Black Scorpion of Fabulous World

That's enough for now... I could do more but this is ridiculous enough as it is...