Steelclaw

NOT go hog wild?

But... but...

::looks behind::

...what am I going to do with all these pigs?

Okay, get in here and sit down... you... Zwillinger... get your darned complimentary cup of coffee and park it... The rest of you Forumites can stay if you want but pipe down until I'm done...

::fixes beedy eyed glare on the Devs::

Do you know what you've done?

Do you people have any concept of what you've done to us?

You think you created a game... a "Game"... yeah, right... Well, you're wrong... You did something a lot worse than that.

Let me clue you in. You didn't make a game... you created a world. Do you know how awe-inspiringly incredible that little accomplishment is? You took a League of Extraordinary Imaginations and somehow got all of them to find something rarer than a four leaf clover... more precious than the clearest of diamonds...

...a common vision...

Paragon City is not just a setting for a game. It is a living, breathing community with real people walking its streets and keeping it running. You think I'm kidding? Setting you up for a Steelclaw punchline?

You could put me... ME mind you... not my characters... You could put ME in any zone in Paragon and I could find my way around easily. And I bet I'm not the only player who would say that in complete sincerity.

So, you say that it's just maps. Anyone can memorize a map. Mario has maps. I've played Mario games for years and years... and I have never once pictured myself in the Mushroom Kingdom... I have never LIVED in any other game like I have in this one.

Not only did you cruel and (let's face it) unusual Devs make a world I could live and breathe inside... you filled it with people and characters I actually CARED about! These people aren't just game sprites... they are REAL to us! We treat them like they're real too... teasing Fusionette... rolling our eyes at Statesman's take-me-very-seriously-because-I-am-very-seriously attitude... build entire conspiracy theories around a single Lord Nemesis raised eyebrow...

Heck, people... you threw a WEDDING for two of your so-called "game" characters and WE ATTENDED! ... ... IN DROVES!

You made us fall in love with the city.... with its people...

But that wasn't the worse thing you did... oh no... You had MORE up your diabolical sleeves...

You EMPOWERED us...

First you gave us super powers... but that was the easy part... both for you and for us... But that wasn't the only way you empowered the players... You did the unthinkable... you violated the first of the unwritten game-developer laws... you asked us for our opinions... you gave us a voice...

And you LISTENED.

I can't imagine how your first attempt to give us that voice must have been like for you. I imagine you felt as though you'd reached a hand into a pit of rabid chihuahuas, all yapping and snapping. You probably had to count your fingers after pulling back that first time.

But despite how clumsily we may have handled that first contact... you didn't REMAIN pulled back. You reached out again... and again... You started art threads to which we could post ideas. You created and actually READ a Suggestions forum. You had weekly on line coffee talks to talk to us but also to answer our questions. You had Create A Costume Set and Power Set forums at the meet and greets.

You empowered us in every conceivable way and in doing so you INVESTED us further in a game that we already loved. It became OUR game... Devs and Players... in a way I very much doubt any other MMO ever has in the short history of the genre. You showed the industry that generosity and open communication are as much development tools as any software engine.

And then... it ended. And in that ending left a deep wound in our hearts.

YOU people did this to us. YOU people created a world so real that its destruction almost physically injured us...

And to this I have one thing to say to YOU people...

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart... From the deepest wells of my twitchy, rather warped soul... I would rather have had these magnificent years end... than never have had them at all.

Oh... and one other thing... Paragon is NOT dead... Paragon will NOT die... the servers will shut down... the magnetic impulses that were our world and our beloved characters will be erased...

... but Paragon and its people will live on in our hearts...

... and so will you.


Sincerely,

Steelclaw

I added absolutely nothing...

-this message has been approved by Texas Justice

I was playing my latest 50 through an UG trial. We were doing that series of tunnels leading up to the back-to-back regen AVs when one member of our league announced the game was shutting down.

Since I was running an Emp Def who had the task of babysitting Des, I alt-tabbed over to the forum site and read the news.

I finished the rest of the UG in a state of shock.

The irony of the situation is the UG gifted me with the last very rare salvage I needed to get all my incarnate powers to tier 4.

I thought this was much more appropriate than a silly list. It was fun and funny while it lasted.

I would like to thank everyone who supported my particular brand of crazy throughout the years here. You have no idea how much you all helped me through some fairly difficult times just by being nice enough to laugh at a joke.

And... although I accept NO personal liability and/or responsibility... sorry about any sticky monitors and/or keyboards I may have caused.

::City of Heroes logo on black field... logo fades out leaving the screen dark::

::Atlas Park... under the statue... costume contest line of heroes along one edge of the platform... they are doing the usual emote poses and spamming of powers... then stop as Michelle's main character approaches... they slowly disband... flying at hover speed, walking... no superspeed... no running or leaping...::

::Talos Island... on top of the hill... huge group of heroes... gathered for an invasion of some kind perhaps... Michelle's main walks up the hill... the camera follows her back... the crowd parts before her... making space for her... she reaches the summit... she raises her hands for attention... they all turn to face her... moments later they turn and depart... walking yet again...::

::Grandville... one of the giant jumbotrons... a jokester (even Steelclaw perhaps?)... is clicking a remote of some kind that brings up the NCSoft logo on the giant screen with a huge red cross-out over it... Michelle approaches and shakes her head... the jokester hangs his head in sadness then nods and walks away...::

::a series of very short shots... Michelle walking through each of the zones in rapid succession... just walking... as though absorbing everything in for one lone lasting memory...::

::an image of Michelle's character standing atop the Atlas Sphere... she makes one last wave goodbye... then above her head appears the log-out countdown...::

::Final scene... the real Michelle in her office at her computer desk... she sighs... reaches to the computer tower and turns it off... she stands and teh camera pans to follow her to the door... she turns back to give one last look towards the computer... then clicks the light switch and closes the door... everything goes black::

::white words on black field:: Goodbye City of Heroes... You will never be forgotten...

Depends entirely on how you define "Furry"...

If you mean "someone who loves anthropomorphic art and web comics, has created several (and I mean SEVERAL) cat, bird, etc characters in-game and has written quite a few short stories and even one novel starring a half-human/half-animal character.." then yes... I suppose I'm a furry...

If you mean "someone who goes to the football game because that mascot in the costume makes him feel tingly in his naughty bits..."... er... not so much.

I am mixed up on this point. I have never hidden the fact that I have an obsessive/compulsive means of playing. All the spreadsheets, all the deletions and re-starts, all boiled down to the fact that my play style is very Goal-Oriented.

My latest goal had been getting one of each AT to 50th level but... well... I don't know if I can bring myself to play when I know my goals are out of reach..

If they re-open the doors... if they sell the license to someone who will love and support the game... if they come out with CoH2... I will be there on day 1 with my spandex tights firmly cinched around my ultra-tight buttocks...

But... play until Nov 30th? and then... nothing...?

I just don't know.

One last thought Zwill...

I hope your next job is spectacular and easily found...

... but ...

... no matter where you end up... they won't appreciate you the same way WE do..

Z-

Thanks for the laughs. Thanks for the 12 hour video show when the servers were all down. Thanks for each and every tangent. Thanks for expanding my hat awareness. Thanks for balancing so well on that line between being our friend and being a corporate man.

Thanks for not perma-banning me.

~ Steelclaw

I would like to dedicate this thread to all the wonderful characters we, as CoH players, have made over the years. These little bits and pieces of our souls we have created here digitally should not be forgotten.

I have deleted a great many characters over the years... but these are the ones who were here with me at the end...

D'Shan Steelclaw... 50th level Claws/Regen Scrapper
Edie Wyldfire... 50th level Fire/Devices Blaster
Mistress Monolith... 50th level Willpower/Super Strength Tank
Guardian Edge... 50th level Broadsword/Willpower Brute
Lord Gravenheart... 50th level Necromancy/Dark Miasma Mastermind
Razor's Whisper... 50th level Ninja Blade/Super Reflexes Stalker
Passive Aggression... 50th level Empathy/Psionic Blast Defender

Farewell, my friends... You have been true companions and only the end of your world could have torn me from you.

Thank you Devs for giving me a game to fill lists and lists with quirky observations and ideas. Thank you for providing me with an obsession that has literally taken up THOUSANDS of hours of my personal time.

Thank you for having a sense of humor that showed not only here on the Forums but in the game as well.

So long and thanks for all the Spreadsheets...

adamantly signed

CoH is the only game I've played for the past five or so years. Once the numbness wears off I'll probably go try DCU simply to see if it satisfies my super hero fix.

Guess I'll finally get around to buying/trying Diablo 3.

No joke list. I'm not feeling particularly funny right now. This little story is me trying to express how I DO feel.

Goodbye CoH. Goodbye Devs. Goodbye my beloved Forumites.

Goodbye Steelclaw.

-------------------------------------


Aaron stood high above the scenes below, the rooftop was quiet, granting a distance from the chaos that reigned on the street.

He took a breath, willing himself to become detached… to achieve the same emotional distance from what was happening as the physical one he’d managed. An impossible task, it seemed; his heart still ached, his stomach folded and clenched in upon itself.

The Well had departed.

Its departure had taken with it all the powers, both heroic and villainous. It had announced its leaving in the same cold, clinical way it had dispersed its favor. Everyone in Primal Earth had heard the words; abrupt and detached. The Well had never cared about them. It had lived AMONG them but never really been a part of them.

Below, made miniscule and toy-like by the distance, a group of people picked up a bench and threw it through the window of a store. They leapt through the jagged hole and began grabbing what they could. A former hero ran up, spandex dirty and dull, cape tangling about his legs. He tried to stop them; without powers now he tried to appeal to their better natures.

He failed.

When they left him he was prone on the street, his mask had been ripped off, his identity at last revealed to a world that just didn’t care anymore. No one moved to help him. Those who walked past deliberately averted their eyes, perhaps in shame at their weakness… perhaps ashamed of HIS.

Aaron sighed and looked away as well. His heart broken and bleeding in his chest he stared instead at his own hands, filled with the carefully folded uniform that had been his hallmark these past five years. He had been known and cheered in his day. He had been lauded by civilians and feared by his enemies.

Until today he had fought the good fight.

He leaned over the building’s ledge and let the costume go. Let his past be taken by the wind and flung to landing spots unknown. He considered for a moment following it. It was painful to remember he could not. To remember that he could no longer fly.

“All out of happy thoughts,” he whispered in a thick, tear-choked voice.

Instead he turned and walked back towards the rooftop door. He would live. He would move on. He was sure that, sometime in the future, he would find happiness and joy in life once more. He could not see that light at the end of the tunnel now, however.

After all, what light existed in a world without Heroes?

Positron: After years of exhaustive research I have determined the source of power behind the Well of the Furies...

Synapse: You spent years researching that? I could have told you in two minutes...

Positron: Right... sure you could... you still claim you know when you put your shoes on backwards because you can only run in circles...

Synapse: Fine... be that way... but let me guess... your research told you the water is enchanted by a round stone about the size of a quarter that rests at the very bottom of the well...

Positron: Wha...? How... how could you possibly...?

Synapse: Oh, it's very dark in color too...

Positron: You must have looked at my notes... you broke into my lab... you...

Synapse: I did not... I knew the power behind the Well almost a year ago... all you had to do was ask...

Positron: How?! How could you possibly know the Well was imbued by a magic rock?

Synapse: Logic, of course... Think about it... When the Well began to spread its powers among the general hero and villain populous did it give ALL its powers all at once?

Positron: Well... no... It only granted a few of them...

Synapse: Exactly... it gave everyone a TASTE of those powers... made them crave more... look forward to the next course in the meal it had prepared... And when it DID grant more of its power... did it give the remainder of those 10 levels of power all at once?

Positron: No... it only gave one more level of power...

Synapse: And has it given out a new power every month... even every several months? No, it's been releasing those powers about once a year... trailing us all along... making us pant and hope for the next one to come out every time something changes around here...

Positron: You make the Well sound like it had an agenda of some kind...

Synapse: Exactly! The force behind the well didn't want to just give us its power... it wanted us to wait for it... to hang around for the crumbs it threw from its table... almost like...

Positron: Almost like it was marketing itself... creating a perceived value for something we didn't even have yet...

Synapse: There you go... Once I realized marketing was controlling the Well... I knew the thing that was imbuing its waters was a Black Pebble...

Vermicious Knids...

You have been warned...

Just a few thoughts on TV commercials CoH could make... targeted to specific specialty cable networks and tweaked to appeal to that channel's primary demographic... feel free to add your own ideas...

* Animal Planet - (voice over has a thick Australian accent) "Here we see the shy Council soldier in its natural habitat... what a beauty! Oh dear... it looks like a 5th Column... the Council's natural predator... has spotted it and is sneaking up behind... this might not be pretty... but it's natural selection at its best..."

* MTV - Skulls Girlfriend: "That's mine over there... the one with the skull mask... no... the other one... I think... Anyway... I'm not going to be his girlfriend forever... I'm going places... I'm moving up in the world... you won't see me barefoot and pregnant still in high school... come Issue 24... I won't be his girlfriend anymore... I'll be his MINION..."

* Comedy Central - Old Man: "Tank a mob... phaah! In my day you could herd an entire MAP! And don't get me started on diminishing returns..." His Wife(glancing at his lap): "Honey, you got started on diminishing returns YEARS ago..."

* FOX Network - FOX Network Executive: "City of Heroes is smart and it's trendy... It has a depth of story that is captivating and believable, likable characters... Not only can you play the game but you can enjoy the story at the same time... so... obviously... we are cancelling it immediately..."

* TLC - Game Reviewer: "SUCH a fabulous game! I adored it! The color combinations and style represented were unbelievable! While those choosing the Free to Play option will have MORE than enough to keep them happy... the Paragon Market is simply TOO delish to resist for long... I give City of Heroes a fab five out of five! It's too bad I never made it out of the Costume Creator... but I'm sure the rest of the game is okay too..."

* G4 - Morgan Webb: "City of Heroes is a game that has withstood the test of time... staying alive when other MMORPG's have faded into history... it's player base is extremely loyal.. (glances to the left uneasily)... EXTREMELY loyal... sticking with the franchise even when other super hero MMO's took the field to challenge it... I am sure that... (looks down at the script and blanches, looks left then takes a deep breath and continues) I am sure that everyone watching will agree it is the ultimate gaming experience once they try the new Free to Play format... (looks left once more)... There... I did it... now please put the gun down!" Voice from Off Camera: "That was just practice... now do it in the bikini..."

* Discover - Capt Sig Hansen over the radio: "I'm in trouble... I repeat... I AM in trouble... Crew of the Northwestern seeks team to help take down Lusca GM in Bering Sea... please send tell.." Capt Jonathan Hillstrand: "What kind of reward does that give?" Sig: "Merits and a badge..." Captain Keith Colburn: "Sign me up!" Capt Jonathan: "Me too... and some guy named Elliot is yammering in broadcast that he wants in..." Sig: "No thanks... I have that jerk on global ignore..."

* SyFy - (visual of families enjoying a day in the park...) "Populace: Unsuspecting" (a few adults start to frown... look up into sky while shading their eyes) "Invasion: Imminent" (broad shot of a line of shadow sweeping over the grass... parents grab their children and start to run) "Rikti: Here" (screen fills with the face of a Rikti general) "Humanity: Doomed" (screen goes black for a moment then displays the City of Heroes logo) "Heroes: Needed"

Great idea for a list! I applaud your creativity while chewing on my spleen that I didn't think of it first... ah well... better late than never...

* Vahzilok - Even with 2nd rate medical equipment the costs of maintaining an army of quasi-dead soon outstrip what robbing the Atlas Park bank over and over again can cover. Introducing Uncle V's hot dog and sausage carts! These mystery meat wagons appear all over Paragon City, tended by the new female boss enemies the Wiener Wenches. The city's populace, thinking the V stands for Vinnie, embrace this new franchise. They even win some taste tests against "normal" hot dogs.

* The Trolls - After a particularly dim member does some investigation into Trolls through out history, the green team begin to supplement their Superadine racket by taking over every bridge in Skyway City. These new Troll Bridges charge influence/money for use. Any hero running or jumping on them is sure to be attacked. In addition, the Trolls will be introducing female members into the general population.... dressed scantily and called Trollops.

* Legacy Chain - In an effort to be more widely accepted and thus gain a larger recruitment pool, the Legacy Chain will begin to adopt more modern Wizarding models. All will now carry wands and adopt English accents. They will wear long scarves of four different color combinations and cast their spells with loud cries of "Wingardium Leviosa" or "Expecto Patronus!" Their leader will be branded with an oddly shaped scar. When a Villain invades their bases in the Rogue Isles... they will refuse to mention him by name.

* The Outcasts - will be disbanded.

* The Freakshow - After years and years of begging the Devs; the Freakshow will be granted access to Player Character costume items. Expect to see sleeker, more streamlined mechanical limbs and parts. Of course, being Freakshow, they can't agree on anything... The Devs will punish this lack of cohesion by making the game more "realistic" for them. Old style Freaks will be seen stuck to walls by the spikes when knocked back... crying over the puppy they just tried to pet with their hammer hands... or trembling in terrified anticipation with their massive scythe hands just outside the men's room door.

* Warriors - Digging deeper into their LARPer roots, the Warriors will really begin to buy into the whole Greek History thing. They will begin re-telling the stories of their heroes; Achilles, Paris, Odysseus and the rest in public. Civilians passing by will be greatly impressed by this new Theater-in-the-Round Production Company and the rest will be history...

* Clockwork - The Clockwork King will be consumed with worry about how long his brain will be preserved in its jar. He will turn his attention to a well-known Cryogenics Lab, directing his minions to enter and steal as much technology and information as possible. While inside the Lab some heroes arrive and, in the confusion, his brain will accidentally be swapped with one already in storage. So is born The Clockwork Disney. Soon after the Clockwork undergo a strange... and decidedly cute... appearance change. Walt Disney Paragon is soon in the planning stages.

* The Scrapyarders - In this economy? Laid off.

* The Carnival of Shadows - I can't tell you what I had in mind for this one since it will most certainly violate the Teen Rating. Let's just say that the CoS "life-style" will come back to haunt them... half of them will be "in a family way" and the other half will resemble those pictures your old Health Teacher showed you to scare you away from nooky before marriage.

* Nemesis - In reaction to having his likeness routinely destroyed in "Fake Nemesis Hunts" all through out Peregrine Island, Lord Nemesis will introduce new automatons to confound heroes. Some examples include Faux Nemesis, Fakir Nemesis, Flake Nemesis, Sorta-Kinda Nemesis, Knock-Off Nemesis and the ever popular Store-Brand Nemesis.

The Most Inconvenient Time for One’s Toggles to Drop…

Why did I decide to get the morning paper in nothing but my My Little Pony boxer shorts? OF COURSE the door would lock behind me! And OF COURSE there would be a Rikti invasion at the same time! All I can say is thank goodness for Stone Armor and my Granite form! Nothing could be more humiliating that being caught in a huge group of my super-heroic peers in my… wait… what is that Sapper doing here?!

Lord Recluse Finds It Necessary To Pose As Santa…

“Yes, ho-ho-ho and… err… Merry Christmas…”

Recluse waved with a too-wide smile plastered across his face until the drunk Arachnos Soldier stumbled past then turned immediately back to the large pile of presents awaiting the annual Grandville Christmas party that evening.

“Not my fault… not my fault… she hasn’t been back that long…” he muttered as he desperately sorted through the multitude of packages. “Surely she would understand though… I could claim it was a joke gift…”

He shuddered at the sudden mental image that popped into his mind and redoubled his efforts, trying desperately to find the box containing the Director’s Cut of Ghost wrapped in a fimly bit of lingerie.

He had only written “To: Widow” on the card.

Steve Gets Drunk

He could remember the bar. He could even remember laughing with the bartender as he stated unequivocally that he would NOT drink and drive.

After that things got kinda hazy.

Someone had asked him how fast he could REALLY run. Had someone else speed boosted him? It seemed possible. More than possible considering how badly his feet were hurting.

Against his better judgment Synapse opened his eyes. He appeared to be laying face down in front of a 50’s style diner. All around him kids were walking by with slicked back hair and letter jackets on. He saw a girl in a poodle skirt.

Standing just beside him was a tall man with wild looking eyes and a shock of white hair bursting from his head in all directions. He shook his head and spoke.

“That will teach you to run at 88 mph while generating 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.”

That hair... it looks almost emo....

Wait! The evil influence of the underworld... the new hairstyles... the girlfriends who are suddenly now full-fledged members almost as though they were realizing they USED to be more than they are now...

Emo-Tep.... Emo-Tep.... Emo-Tep....

I would love to see this but don't have the know-how to make it...

1) Form a BAF... But ONLY allow melee characters to join it...

2) Instruct your League that they are only allowed to use single-target melee attacks during the "Keep the Mindwashed Inmates from Escaping" phase and that they are only allowed to use Sprint, Ninja Run and Beast Run as travel powers and should avoid jumping if at all possible...

3) They are also not allowed to use any power/temp that holds, immobs, etc

4) Film them chasing the inmates all over the place since they can only hit them once then chase again to catch up...

5) Edit the film and set the whole thing to the Benny Hill theme music Yakkity Sacks...

6) ?

7) Profit!

So, you're sitting and waiting... the little window says 23 of 24 people have agreed to join in the BAF Trial you are impatient to go attempt... and you're waiting... and waiting...

You probably want to say something... and someone has already grabbed the ubiquitous "There's always one" tag... so.. here are a few alternative suggestions...

* It rubs the lotion on its skin and then it presses the green button

* Seriously... it's time to upgrade to a COLOR monitor...

* I KNOW color blind people have the same rights as everyone else but this is NO time for a passive protest!

* You have failed every timed standardized test you've ever taken, haven't you?

* I'm writing a request to the Devs... if we have to wait like this the least they could do is insert the Jeopardy Theme Music...

* Use the mouse! You don't HAVE a touch screen yet!

* Ladies and gentlemen... introducing the most passive-aggressive person on the internet!

* Virus sent

* Your mom still reminds you you were two weeks overdue and took 72 hours of labor, doesn't she?

* You can click to accept it... really... the Humancentipad episode was only a JOKE...

* It's probably for the best... we were all going to vote you off the island anyway...

* When you finally return to the game window and read this... I hope the pron was worth it.

* Take the Green Pill! Come ON MAN! Kung Fu in a 4 second download!

* Press the button! The team leader just sent me a Private Tell guaranteeing you'll get a Very Rare this time!

* It's Zwillinger again... this happens every time... he has a custom interface with options "Yes", "No" and "Tangent"...