LeighB_EU

Well, after going from not knowing anything about NaNo last week, to reading BlueDarky’s post, going to a NaNo meeting at a local pub on Saturday and then coming up with a plot, here’s the blurb for my story (more to follow later if planning goes well):

The Wandering Year

Lucy Flanagan is down on her luck. An officer in the Paragon Police Department (PPD), the promotion that should have been hers has gone to a younger officer who had caught the eye of the Chief. Lucy has never had that big break others seem to get, that is until now.

A ritualised murder in Kings Row, one of the more gang ridden and deprived districts in the city, is a reasonably common occurrence. Everyone else in the department has a more interesting super powered crime to investigate and so the case has landed on Lucy’s desk.

Michael Hermes Aspen is a local radio DJ who's bored with his job. What he's more interested in is the crime fighting he does in the evenings under the superhero name Pentangle. He's started to hear rumours of a new villain in Paragon City who has been drawing people away from the others gangs and the last thing the city needs is another villain group.

What both Lucy and Michael don’t know is that they might be the only people who can stop a villain who could threaten the stability of power in the city.

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The Wandering Year is a detective story set in the world of City of Heroes. Any relation to PCs is purely coincidental. Title and plot may change drastically between now and 1st November. The fifty thousand word target may or may not be hit. Leigh may be found writing, crying, or sleeping (maybe even all three) on a park bench, on a train or by the sea.

This is the thread you are looking for: [linky]

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… it's the editing that hurts.


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Oh, so true.

I think I’ll be doing something CoH related. I went to sleep on it last night and now have an interesting idea. I did a bit of research this morning and I’ll see if I can plot something out over the weekend.

I’ll mention more later if it seems like a goer.

I like the way this is going (I’m just playing catch-up so have read a load of pages) and while I do like page fifteen, IMO it needs an additional shot to show who we’re still looking at. I know that is kind of on the previous page and maybe it’s just because I’m reading them as individual pages, but page fourteen doesn’t have any conversation from Dr D and his hands are together rather than cupping something so the narrative seems to get a bit blurry.

Keep it coming. Really enjoying this strip.

I really liked this. Well written and easy to read. Within those few paragraphs I’d started to like Annette, wanting to know more about her life.

I loved the bit where she takes off her suit and you describe it as transforming. This is exactly the feeling I get when I take off a suit or when I used to take off my school uniform – a great psychological break. The fact that she uses the third person to refer to Nitoichi just after reinforces this even more and later we understand why.

The boiler not always ‘kicking in’ is another great bit of description that brings the scene to life. In fact most of the bath scene made me think I could do with a nice long soak myself.

A few edits:

Be careful of repeating the same word at the start of too many sentences. Paragraph five has ‘she’ as the starting word far too many times. It kind of reads okay as they are short sentences so it almost becomes a list (where repetition like this works), but the pacing of the scene is slow so you don’t really want that.

‘She slipped inside, closed the door and locked it.’ would read slightly better if it was, ‘Slipping inside she closed and locked the door.’

‘Some weirdo out in the woods north of Salamanca name of Buck had sent her down something out of Alice in Wonderland into what she was apparently supposed to believe was 'The Spirit World.'’ Your editing is really good, but the comma key got broke for this sentence.

’There she had fought a lot of things she refused to believe existed, called Red Caps, and they had been real tough little...’ This could do with swapping around slightly a well. Something like: ‘There she had fought some things called Red Caps. Regardless of the fact that she refused to believe they even existed they had been real tough little...’

’… opened a small cabinet, …’ This (and the cloth bag bit) make it sound a little too disassociated from her and it is, after all, her bathroom cabinet. I’d change it slightly but it’s a minor thing.

’… the only one she really had. ‘ To avoid a bit of a close repeat of ‘she had’ this probably should be: ‘… the only one left to her.’

Story wise:

’Then she had gone over to Galaxy Girl's statue, where she could at least be guaranteed some relaxing conversation, only to find herself talking gibberish. Why was she talking gibberish? Gibberish like what? These are the sort of questions I thought of when I read that bit.

Liking this so if you do any more please post it.

A good start to what appears to be an interesting story. Certainly I’d recommend you keep this going as I want to know what’s happening and more to the point why. I loved the bit with the alarm clock. It really brings some depth to the character and the scene.

On some general points, try to avoid putting the same words too close to each other or stating sentences with the same word when the sentences follow each other. Everyone does these things when they first write something, all it means is that you change bits around when edit it. I would recommend writing it, leaving it for a few days or even a week, and then going back over it again. It’s a pain, but it’s good to move on to something else (or some other part of the story).

Where you do have sentences that start with the same word or you have used the same word in quick succession just try re-arranging one bit or change an adjective (or reach for the thesaurus ).

Plot and pacing wise you seem to have fallen in between action and suspense. Personally I’d go for making the opening paragraphs a lot longer. Give the Faithe some more background and let the reader get to know her and also move the bit with Norman watching the Malta entre the building to before the explosion. Then switch to shorter sentences and paragraphs after the door has gone boom. Imagine it like a movie. Slow long shots for the build up and then quick, short, shots for the fight scenes. Mixing the two can work if you do it really well (heck, anything can work it’s done really well ), but remember that you’re playing to what the reader expects. A confused reader (or one who is disorientated) means they might not be a reader for much longer.

I won’t go through every bit as, one you don’t generally need it, and two I don’t think it’s right. Here, however, are couple of my thoughts:

’… body clocks going haywire …’ I’m not sure haywire is the right word. Out of synch or some such sounded as though it might fit better.

’… which was now blowing about in the early morning breeze.’ Would Malta really leave a door swinging in the breeze? Would a reasonably heavy door (presumably as it’s an exterior one) really move in a breeze? They could have just left it ajar or on the latch so they could get out quickly.

Hope this all helps and do shout up if you’re not sure what I’m on about.

Cool. I’ve been learning so much in the last few months and this is yet another thing I didn’t know about. Their web site seems all over the place at the moment, but I’ve added it to my home pages so I’ll keep checking on it, and I’ve done some searching and read up on it in the last hour.

When you say, “… few people on the boards do it …” do you mean here, the US boards (where I can never find any fan fiction, just videos, videos, videos [sic]) or somewhere else? (Sorry, just being stupid.)

Anyway, this appears to be an excellent challenge and could well be the final straw to push me in to sleeplessness that I need (I never do any work without a really tight deadline ). If I can do the planning before 1st November (and can come up with a good plot ) that’ll mean 3,500 words each day to have it done by the middle of the month. (It’ll have to fit around the one CoH short story per month I’ve got planned, but I’m already ahead of the game with that. Oh, doesn’t 3,500 words per day sound so easy. )

I have some ideas. I’ll ruminate on it for the next few days, but I think I’ve already sold myself on it - bits of me are just playing catch up.

I loved the last one and should be able to make this. I’ll also rope in a couple of friends who should be able to bring Kronos Titans – that’s three in total if we can.

Here’s a newish character I’ve created and been playing:

Hero Name: Miss Atom

Hero Picture: [linky]

Super Group: Wizards Inc.

Archetype: Science Tanker

Badge Count: 34

Primary Power Set: Invulnerability

Secondary Power Set: Super Strength

Battle Cry: “Atomic blond!”

Character Description:
Amber George - supermodel, aspiring actress and vocalist on the international number one tune "Love Beyond Love" - was walking to her local organic health food shop when a man stepped out of a portal that had appeared in front of her and said, "There. Now you have fabulous powers." From that day on Amber has masqueraded as Miss Atom, fighting crime in between Hollywood parties and hair and makeup. She also does some charity work.

As GR has been kind enough to sticky these for me, I’d thought I’d be the first to post something. Here’s my favourite chatacter:

Hero Name: Sonic Girl

Hero Picture: [linky]

Super Group: Wizards Inc.

Archetype: Science Defender

Badge Count: 46

Primary Power Set: Sonic Resonance

Secondary Power Set: Sonic Attack

Battle Cry: “Let’s fight like it’s a sale.”

Character Description:
Milly Temblin was a young girl with a beautiful voice. Her life was ruined when a tanker carrying Crey chemicals was caught in an explosion in Kings Row and she was nearly killed by the blast. From that day her voice was turned from something of beauty to something of power. With the compensation money from Crey she had a scientist at MicroLabs design some ear filters and now she splits her time between helping in the soup kitchens and fighting crime as Sonic Girl.

Wizards Inc

About Us:
A small Super Group that’s been around for three years. Originally started for a group of friends, but now open to any who want to join. Most players are casual (most are only on a few hours each week GMT evening times), and I don’t think anyone will mind saying, of the older generations. You should find us friendly and helpful, with a useful base and some experienced players. We play to have fun rather than as power gamers and we’re always happy to offer advice.

Established: 28 October 2005
Colours: Black & Silver (example)
Original Founding Members: Hellkitten, Colonel Combat, Lord Azure

Leader(s):
Colonel Combat @LeighB
Purdy
Carabraxis
Human Corpse

Current Coalitions:
None.

Level 50s Past & Present:
Hellkitten, Colonel Combat, Captain Collateral, Cosmic Boy, Femtron, Orbiteer, Ray Star, Asante Jones, Carabraxas, Purdy.

Supergroup Privileges:

Wizard
Leaders and founder members of the SG.
Privileges: All

Arch Mage
Main members who are not founders or leaders.
Privileges: SG Invite / Edit SG Moto / Storage Access (deposit & withdrawal) / Teleporter Access

Mage
Heroes who have been with the group for a while and contributed to the upkeep of the group.
Privileges: Storage Access (deposit & withdrawal) / Teleporter Access

Magician
Heroes that are keen to help with the growth of the SG.
Privileges: Storage Access (deposit) / Teleporter Access

Apprentice
New members.
Privileges: Teleporter Access

Supergroup Base:

Map: Base Picture

-Medibay
-Energy Room
-Control Room
-Meeting Room

-Workstation 1:
x1 Inspiration Collector (storage)
Personal Storage Vault
Invention worktable
Empowerment Creator (technical)
Advanced Worktable

-Workstation 2:
x2 Inspiration Collector (storage)
x2 Salvage Rack (storage)
x2 Enhancement Table (storage)
Empowerment Creator (magical)
Basic Worktable
Expert Worktable

Teleporters:
Atlas Park, Brickstown, Boomtown, Creys Folly, Croatoa, Dark Astoria, Faultline, Founders Fall, The Hollows, Independence Port, Kings Row, Peregrine Island, Perez Park, Skyway City, Steel Canyon, Striga, Talos Island, Terra Volta.

I like the picture, but want to see (and know more). I demand more pictures. I demand a cartoon and a story.

Hey, you know me, I’ll write anything.

Anyway, not heard of this before and the site is down. What is it? What happens? Need to know more.

Excellent! I like the torso, but the right leg (his right, not mine ) looks slightly off. The bottom part anyway.

I know what you mean about having a character you hate to play, but don’t want to delete.

Cool. I had a chuckle. I like this sort of things. Please do more.

(And, I agree with Swissy, the Shivan text just gets a but blurry, even when I zoom in on my web browser.)

I’ve spent ten minutes flicking between the two and I like them both equally. I like the definition the colouring adds to the jacket, the t-shirt and the hair. Having said that I also like the uncoloured version.

The only bit I don’t like is the fact that his eyes are closed. It doesn’t seem that natural.

Good sketches, both. I like Lilith better – the proportions seem about right and I like the stance.

With Clara the slanting of the character and everything else seems to make her appear slightly flat and lacking the fullness that the other picture has.

Apart from still being scared by Wilfred’s fingers I’ve also got a Halloween and a bonfire party to go to that weekend so I can’t make it.

Have fun though, and don’t drink too much.

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I dont particularly read the creative board much, I will admit that. But to be honest there is still so much about the CoX world that I dont know anyway I find myself reading Paragon Wiki for back ground info etc.

And when I heard that the mission creator is being put off till I14 I was a little upset because I am frustrated fanfiction writer and thought this would be a fun way to get my creative juices flowing!

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Come to the creative forum. Post something. It’s fun. The water’s warm.

/em hypnotic stare off

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Lack of elves is definatly a point in CoXs favour, but TR was also elfless, and that didn't make it good.

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It’s the fantasy thing that pulls people in and keeps them there. Fantasy is far more accepted than science fiction. People will read a ten book fantasy series and play a fantasy game, where as science fiction is more difficult to sell.

In the order of acceptability it goes:

Fantasy
Science Fiction
Comics
PnP Roleplaying (Shhh. Don't tell anyone I know about this stuff. )
LARP (If you don't know, don't ask. )

CoX works as it’s the only super hero MMOG. TR has lower subscriptions than Eve because it wasn’t appealing to science fiction people enough, it was appealing to Halo players and Halo players can play Halo – TR doesn’t offer them enough extra stuff. SWG should have worked, but it got messed around with and just wasn’t fun to play for most people who like Star Wars.

That is slightly cynical, but then I wondered if NC had suffered a bit of mission creep. What with this being a big issue and lots of new staff being added halfway through – well, we all know what that does to a project.

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Some of you are saying you are looking forward to it, but lets face it, when was the last time you checked out the creative forum? I thought so.......

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It’s the last bit of the forum I check at night and the first in the morning. I think at least half my post count is from the threads in there. In fact, excluding all the server and AT sections, it’s the fifth most popular section out of fifteen. That places it pretty high up the scale.

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The only thing that is going to make the SG Bases half good, and therefore grab the interest of the masses, is to make the editor easy to use and actually able to accomplish something.

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Absolutely, or if they cant manage a new builder, at least add an off map storage area for base items while you edit.

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I can't do magic desks, but I would so like to be able to stack items. (Now that I have to wait until April I'll go try again with the stacking. )

I keep thinking that if they (the Dev’s) have some program that allows people to create a series of rooms (on different levels), then lets people access that area via doorway or portal (or maybe an updated login screen) then why can’t that be a SG base instead of a mission?

(See how optimistic I am. Crazy really. )

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The Levelling Pact is very swish, but as a feature it isn't very big. Nor are day jobs, even though I quite like the idea.


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I was kind of just going by what other people are getting excited about, rather than what seemed big, as I’m not that excited about these either. Heck, I didn’t see any point in the veteran non-combat pet awards until I got them, and then I found they were so much fun to have a round (and I don’t roleplay ).

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What else is left, if not these tweaks? If the PvP and SG base side of things is as small as you assume, this is a damn slim issue. And I'm not just saying that because it doesn't have the architect.


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Of the new things that have been announced most people in these threads seem to be very interested in the Levelling Pact and the Multiple Builds, and there were a lot of people getting bouncy about the Day Jobs when they were originally announced.

That’s what led me to think they were the most popular things. I haven’t seen that many comments about the PvP stuff, nor about the SG Base stuff.

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Really, making PvP and SG bases popular might just be their intention.


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The only thing that is going to make the SG Bases half good, and therefore grab the interest of the masses, is to make the editor easy to use and actually able to accomplish something. IMO that will (hopefully ) come with the Architect issue.

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What the devs have done is disappoint everyone who wanted the architect, and not give enough information about what we're getting instead. C'mon, fellas. Take a long, hard look at what's in I13, without speculating as to what might be, or could be in there. New arcs, a new set, day jobs, PvP and SG base tweaks, Levelling Pact, and other things which fall into the realm of QoL stuff. An awful lot is riding on the PvP and SG side of things, and we know next to nothing about that.


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(my emphasis)

Judging by the general comments on the two threads (and I’ve not looked at the US boards yet) I’d say that very few people are interested in these two things and everything is riding on the other stuff in the issue.