DeviousMe

Sarah only smirked at Adam's comment, telling him wryly, "Too bad. Because at least where I come from, this is what dragons look like."

With that she let him be, turning back to the others, "Pax, you know as well as I do there's only one superhero on the island - and that it's not me."

"And you..." she gave an inverse nod to the elfin bard as she dug through her jacket's inner pockets on a quest for something, "You wanna see something outrageous? I'll show you outrageous. Where'd that thing go? Ralf!"

Her shout may have seemed random, but only for the next few moments. On command, a quartet of machines emerged from the surrounding trees; the very same sort that the stranger had encountered. Assuming a staggered diamond formation, the four glided smoothly into the clearing, coming to a hover around the Tornado like some strange manner of pilot fish.

Of course, exactly as these things generally went, before the dragon could remark anything in regard to them, a certain woman yelped out in peril at the edge of the clearing, drawing her and the drones' attention. Now she finally got what Zuzana had been staring at...or at least she thought she did.

"Aha." the Nadpráporèík but commented disinterestedly, though her interest quickly returned when the supposed mugger released the damsel in distress. That certainly wasn't expected...

Note: Though it may be redundant to say so, I am hereby closing the thread to submissions. I'll still critique what's presently in my queue, but am no longer taking any new requests.

Presently still in queue are "The Lost Choir" (123675, 136959, 141011), "The Revenge of Dr. Marcovici" (161797), and "The Calling of the Cult (First Chapter)" (64859).

If I've missed someone who's given me the requested feedback, please let me know.

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Saints and Sinners Part Three: The Fallen Saint
Arc ID: 147682
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Custom, Crey, Arachnos, Malta
Missions: 4
Difficulty Level: Hard. Level 40+ recommended. Either bring team or on difficulty 1.
Synopsis: The final battle with the Order of Steel and the Mysterious Saint draws near. Will you be able to save humanity from enslavement?

[/ QUOTE ]

Rating: ****
Likes: Big Bad concept
Gripes: Technical difficulties, some plot disconnects, convenience plot

Synopsis:

While I can't say I didn't like this arc, there's much room for improvement, and not just from a gameplay aspect. It does flow smoothly, don't get me wrong, but there are some details that just leave me stopped and scratching my head until I figure out where something came from. Some of these aspects are very immersion-breaking, like the erroneously scripted battles in mission 1.

The plot suffers form this as well, however. Long story short, it's a convenience plot: all the elements are so conveniently placed for the protagonist that all he/she/it has to do is keep wandering merrily, and everything will work out okay. While there's nothing technically wrong with this, it does leave me to wonder just what the point of the previous two arcs even was - just to reveal there's a new villain in town called the Saint and that he's mind-controlling people with cybernetics? The very first mission of this arc covers both of these things.

Truth be told, nearly the entire plot of this whole 14-mission multi-arc is contained in these last 4 missions, from discovering the Saint's actual plan to finding the means to stop him ('coincidentally' right along the way, I should mention) to revealing his identity to actually doing the deed. Not that it's a bad story, but again, the way it's presented here makes me feel like I wasted my time with the previous 10 missions when I could've just done these 4, yet still gotten the entire plot.

I'm not sure if this was done on purpose, perhaps to pre-empt the inevitable 'I didn't get it' cries from people who really ended up just playing the 3rd part, but in my opinion (which is nothing but my personal preference), telling a story like this is extremely bad form. Parts 1 and 2 could've greatly benefited from having important plot elements of their own, such as clues to the Saint's plan, his identity, etc. In closing: great concept, good story, but the main act getting scrunched in at the end there just wasn't my thing.

Oh, and one more thing: the 'elite' part of the Order felt a lot weaker than the regular troops.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Intro dialogue: I don't see anything technically wrong here, but it reads kind of weird with things like 'part of the planning of several operations' and 'to be able to afford'. Granted, this may be on purpose considering who the contact is, but I don't know her well enough to say for sure, so I'll just make a note here. The sentence regarding the Order's raid leader is a run-on and should be separated with something other than a comma.

Mission: Fairly well-scripted, but the battles just end up sitting there no matter what side wins, so it's kind of jarring when Malta win, yet stand right by the Order boss doing nothing useful.

Clue: Cybernetic Receiver: 'Complex-looking' should be connected as shown. However, in the context presented, it'd probably be better to drop 'looking' entirely.

Clue: The Shipping List: The 'to' in 'break it to you' should only have one o. Also, there should be a commas after 'so' and the last 'them'.

Return dialogue: There should be a comma before 'even though', and 'those guys are no pushovers' should be its own sentence.

What could this mission use? Some dialogue for the battles, as well as more fine-tuning of them. I don't know if there's a way to set battle groups to rogue, so I suggest you play around and test this mission many more times to make sure things don't go awkward like they did for me.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Intro dialogue: Needs commas after 'Cavalier' and 'hiding'. I'd also replace 'but not' with 'without' and 'we're able' with 'we might be able'.

Mission: Seems fairly straightforward, though it feels a little odd to have Arachnos in charge of what seemed to be a Malta smuggling ship. Oh well. The nav text about Agent Harris is kind of confusing. What should I do with him? Find, rescue, defeat? Ah, he's the mentioned Captain, and it looks like defeat. Too bad he has no dialogue, would've been nice.

Return dialogue: The first part of the second paragraph should be its own sentence.

What could this mission use? Dialogue and more detailed objective text for Agent Harris.

[u]Mission 3:[u]

Intro dialogue: The first part is a run-on; should just be its own sentence. Also, 'whatever' is one word, and 'doozy' needs another o. Also, I don't recall a Crey lab researching androids and AI from before, so you might want to explain the reference better when the contact says they're after 'another' one. 'Recorded' is missing an r, and the // are somewhat jarring. Why don't you just use italics for these?

Mission: Hm, it looks like the Crey Computer Programmer is missing his bio. I doubt he'd be working for Crey if he's helping Longbow with portal research. Also, your $placeholder tags don't seem to be working, and you seem to have gone just a bit overboard with the patrols/battles. There's blue text everywhere!

The Programmer's Computer (yes, it's missing the apostrophe) seems to be missing its bio as well, as I don't think it 'must be destroyed'. Finally, major disconnect between finding the android and beating the lab chief to a pulp.

Clue: The AI Virus: Should have a colon after 'objectives'.

Return dialogue: 'Then' should be 'than'. Also, the last sentence is a run-on.

What could this mission use? Maybe a few less patrol/battles, but most of all an objective pointing to the fact that you need to defeat the lab chief to find the android, and some manner of connecting text between him and the clue he drops. The easiest way to do the latter is probably to give him some more dialogue, the last part of which being something along the lines of him spilling the beans.

[u]Mission 4:[u]

Intro dialogue: More run-ons. The first one should only have one 'and', then a separation (more than one place to put it; I suggest separating before 'it looks like'), and the second could probably do with just a period instead of a comma in the last sentence of the pre-accept text.

Intro popup: 'Vanguard's' needs an apostrophe. I'm also not sure what you're trying to say with 'covers you as enter for the final face off', but I do know 'face-off' should be connected as shown.

Mission: Interesting that the internet access node is a Rikti conputer. Not sure if that's on purpose, but it feels very out of place on this office map. And what's with the hole in the floor? Well, guess I'll find out. Oh, Rikti caves, makes sense. I guess I redact my earlier comment. The Saint itself was somewhat disappointing though, especially after the ambushes beforehand.

Bio: The Saint: The first sentence is a run-on that I'm not sure how to fix. The two thoughts seem very incongruent, and could probably just use a general rewrite. Also, I think it would sound better if you connected 'variables' with the following sentence using a hyphen.

Return dialogue: The last sentence is a run-on. A period before 'it would' would serve it well.

What could this mission use? An ambush or something in the final boss fight. After all this build-up, the Saint needs some more oomph, but not in a personal fashion. It has an army - it should be used. Oh, and the ending could at least have a word or two about the Rikti stuff and the Saint's 'demise'. As it stands now, it feels like just an 'it's over now, we don't care anymore, bye'.

This would be a useful addition, yes.

Yeah, they drop. The chance is just really, really, really low. I think it might be about the same percent as purples, maybe less since they can drop at more levels and be bought as well.

"I'd prefer you don't." Sarah retorted to the bard, placated but still perturbed - in a saddened manner, no less, "It's stereotype myths like that that make people so hostile toward us. And they hurt too."

"But okay, I'll take your apology." she agreed with a nod, "Just...don't do it again, okay? Story or not, eating sentient beings is monstrous, and it doesn't feel good to get called a monster."

Her smile had made a bit of a return by now, and it grew a little further with her retort toward Adam, telling the man gently as she walked toward him, "Okay then, let me make it easy on you. Yeah, I'm a dragon. Tornado, to be specific. Doesn't matter how I look, I'm still me either way. But thanks for the compliment."

"Sarah Jovi, from Earth." she reached out a hand for him to shake, "You?"

"Annoying." Zuzana remarked, raising an eyebrow as the woman by the man and the drone vanished, the telescopic sight of her eye implant pulling the distant scene quite close indeed. One of the Tsaiv's eyebrows rose, the Nadpráporèík not sure what to make of it all.

On one hand, it could've warranted concern...but on the other, it could've been completely unrelated, and she'd already gotten sidetracked here. Doing so again would just drag things out longer, and this loyalty to her duty would not let her do. Besides, the accosted woman had gotten away, ergo the presumed bandit with the axe no longer had a victim that needed saving - and if he came for them next, she could always pick the thread back up then. For now, it was not important.

The hovering machine by the axe-wielding stranger seemed to think the same, disengaging and returning to standard recon mode. Its weapon ports closed up, flaps pulled in, and the 'eye' reverted to its normal, soft-blue luminance before the whole thing cloaked once more and began to hover off toward the canopy above...

"Oh man, I'm so sorry." Sarah almost exclaimed, taking the remarks as that she was in fact scaring everyone; something she really hadn't wanted to do, made clear by the worried expression on her face, "I didn't mean to. Hold on."

With a shimmer of pale blue, the Tornado shrank, assuming again the bipedal form in which Paxtera had first encountered her. Forefeet became hands, three claws five fingers, the like changing hind feet into plantigrade arches with five visibly developed toes each - or at least they would've been were it not for the sturdy-looking, slate-gray work boots that had appeared around those feet.

The rest of her garb had returned as well, her navy-blue jeans much the same as those form before. The black, sleeveless crop top was quite a difference though, as was the open denim jacket, the hue of which took that of her pants merged with a flat gray. Curiously enough, the scales of her hide had taken on such a fine nature that they'd gone practically invisible, and while a bellybutton was still far from existent, her skin now certainly bore great resemblance to that of a human.

The wings she now folded against her back, however, still very much showed just how much she wasn't, their relocation duly necessary for the large blue bag now between them. It resembled some demonic cross of golf and travel bag, and looked like it contained some manner of monolith - apart from whatever was in that multitude of bulging side pockets, of course.

"Better?" she queried with a smile, adjusting the strap across her front that held the monstrous thing in place, "And I'm working on my term project. I've got-"

She stopped as the elfin bard began to sing, having found his initial hum melodious and welcome, but when he started adding words, her lips became horizontal, her eyes quite wide. She just stood there in motionless disbelief, stiff as a brick until he'd come to and end.

"Oh yeah, thanks, that's polite." she almost growled at him upon the man taking his bow, "I'm sorry if I scared you, but that's no reason for insults like that, you racist little Vulcan creep. Honestly, the nerve of some people."

Zuzana couldn't help but chuckle...

He never said that the visit would disqualify you -just that you'd get one. Ergo, this means you can get both a visit and try to win.

"Negative." Wolfgang slowly shook his head at Isabel's question regarding Rularuu, "Sounds like a bad case of intestinal infection..."

When Zeo clarified what he wanted to know further, however, he quickly refocused his attention once more, remarking rather casually, "That's pretty interesting. So you have all this terribly destructive...stuff where you come from, and yet you think we're in a state of high alert? Fascinating. But to answer your question: once contact is reestablished, we're going to add this world to the SSR. It's almost ready to resume self-management, and Teivos believes the Nafrans can bridge the rest. They're pretty good with humans. Better than we Esertosians, anyway."

"We will of also dispatch a scouting party to your world." he added with an approving nod toward Isabel, the woman's common-sense deduction of their plans making him feel a good bit more comfortable with these people, "The humans here want certainty that this Reichsmann will never come back to bother them - and the rest of us wouldn't much mind either..."

--------------------

Somewhere in China

Jiang Xu Guan tensed when he heard the snap. With eager eyes, he looked to the unassuming 'metal lunchbox' between the clawed fingers of a certain red dragon. Or dragoness, to be exact. Thalathis he'd learned was her name, her conversation with Sun Tzu having revealed quite a bit about her - including the ability to take on that smaller, more human-sized form that now stood before the wooden workbench she'd used to piece together the construct before her.

True, she was still decidedly 'monstrous' by human definition, clawed feet digitigrade, and though her hands now had four fingers, their claws were still only too prominent. Her scaled nature hadn't changed much either, nor had the locations of plating on her body, even though she now wore a pair of earth-green shorts held up by a segmented belt that looked to be forged from some sort of black armor. The same material seemed to comprise the 'enforcer'-like tank top that covered her...

"Quit staring at my chest." a displeased huff at Xu Guan caused his body to practically lock up, standing stiff as stone within her glare as she let the box (and the other things on the worktable) be and stepped to where a wall hanger supported a black, hooded cloak, "Honestly, do you humans really have to stare at everything that has a-?"

"I-I wasn't." the sorcerer interrupted with a stammer, watching nervously while the dragoness donned the robe, then headed back toward the table, "I was..."

"Yes you were." she retorted matter-of-factly and gathered the odd colelction into the pockets of her belt and cloak. She didn't even look his way, "Once I'll let slide, so admit it and I won't have to hurt you."

Xu Guan promptly took her up on that offer. Dragon, human, whatever the species, if it was a woman, it was never a good idea to make it mad. Still, he couldn't help but ask, "So...then why do you...?"

"Because I happen to like this form." came the response with both a devilish smirk as well as a playfully thrown, soccer-ball-sized blue crystal sphere that had to weigh at least a ton. No, two - for it took the air right out of the man upon being caught in his hands.

"Make sure you keep that nice and safe now." she wagged a finger while she added the last item she'd be taking (though not the last remaining on the table) to her arsenal: a silver cylinder nearly twice the length of a hand and at least three centimeters across. It also resembled the two others she'd placed in a pair of loops of her belt, though those were only half as long.

"It'll only strengthen your spells as long as you're close to it." she added, walking out of the chamber and seeking out the base's more spacious parts again, where she could once more assume her larger form in preparation for the battle she expected - not to mention magically stow away the things she'd carried on her for safekeeping until they were needed.

Thus she sought out Sun Tzu again with intent to convey she was ready to depart. She had already told him that she knew 'Lord' Teivos well in their earlier meeting, and that she would be heading out to pay him a visit as soon as she'd made the proper preparations. Whether or not the CPSR's forces would join her, this she left up to them, but she was going, and she seemed to know what she was doing...

"Mh?" the Tornado raised her head a bit once more, regarding Pax thoughtfully for a moment until realization came to her, "Oh! Right! Yeah, I was. I guess you could call it a kind of transformation magic. Just about everyone on the island can do this, so it's easy to forget. Sorry."

Meanwhile, the drone retracted a pair of panels in its wings' leading edges, bringing to light the barrels of energy-based weapons. True, due to the machine's small size, they weren't exactly very frightening to look at, but the 'leave her alone' message still came across with more than due clarity...

One of my villains will likely end up blueside, but thus far, none of my heroes would go rogue. I do already have a concept in mind though, but it requires pistols, so here's hoping.

((I blame Ken. And Khell, Groul, Arek, Poseidon, James, and Thala. But mostly Ken. Freakin' infectious. ))

"Huh?" the monochromatic dragon responded with a puzzled look at Adam's words, and with a tone that fairly quickly identified it as a dragoness, regarding him with a mixture of caution and confusion, "Why...would I...?"

She gave a brief glance down to Zuzana, who hadn't even moved, though had to be aware of what was standing behind her, "Miss Sarovenkova...am I missing something?"

"He is human." the Nadpráporèík replied with a casual glance back at the Tornado, "All there is to it."

This gave the dragoness a frown, namely the 'oh ha ha, very funny' sort, but before she could actually say so, something in the forest drew her attention, head turning to look scrutinizing in the direction of a certain unknown two people. But before she could act on that in turn, the Kheldian woman entered the clearing as well, instantly consuming her full attention.

"Pax!" the Tornado's face lit up with excitement, and she sprang forward almost instantly. She shoved her nose into the woman's arms with a big smile in fond greeting, tail awag, apparently expecting a hug in return, "It's been forever! Where've you been? How've you been? Find anything cool? Weird? Gross?"

Zuzana just rolled her eyes. Figured she'd have a human as a friend. No, this she didn't want any part of. Good thing there seemed to be something else worth giving focus to - namely what the dragoness had looked toward before seeing Paxtera.

Said two presently still unknown individuals weren't alone either, for as the man growled to the woman, accosting her with the blade of his axe, a certain machine chose to reveal its presence. Dropping its optic cloak, a drone that somewhat resembled a Steel Valkyre became visible as it hovered in just over a meter from the scene. The likeness naturally wasn't great, this machine being only about half the size of that Vandal had designed for the 5th Column, and it also looked a great deal more modern, but that Cylon-esque central red 'eye' opon its visor gave good indication it wasn't happy with what it saw here.

Indeed, the brief increase in engine output (and its accompanying rise and descent), very much sounded angry, even to those with very little imagination...

Coooooooooool...

I ran:

Arc Name: School Spirit

I disagree. Not only was there a surprise AV/EB (necro/illusion on extreme to boot; really nasty), but the plot suffered from a serious lack of common sense. Not that did didn't make any sense, but it felt like I'd suddenly entered brainless-town where the only solution to any problem was to smash it until it stopped moving.

I nominate:

Arc Name: Out of the gutters
Arc ID: 68054
Faction: Villainous
Creator: @Madcat 88
Difficulty levels Easy - Medium.

Synopsis

Left for dead after your neighbourhood was trashed in a running battle between Arachnos, Longbow and a pack of destined ones, you dragged yourself out of the rubble and swore that you were through with being a victim.

The Why

Not only does this arc fill the gaping hole for villains seeking alternative content at the very bottom of the level range, but it does so in an inventive, fluid, and truly outstanding manner. It allows for your villain to start the game completely independent of Kalinda or Burke, and yet still make all the contacts and connections needed to surivive in the Rogue Isles.

Hehehehehe.

Yes, we are indeed in the current game time. Post-2nd-Rikti-Invasion, the Menders of Ouroboros exist and are involved in the game world, etc.

Wow, that's pretty sweet. What did you use to paint that?

Someone had indeed better have heard something, for Adam was right to a much greater measure than his words suggested. Lusha Forest indeed held things aside from some rather unusual lions and bears, and if one of these happened to be tigers, they certainly weren't the worst. Something else was in that forest, and Adam probably had no idea just how right he was.

For on a world like Acunim, where castles walked and towns had taverns, a world where monarchs ruled upon their thrones and the gods themselves were still involved with the land's magic, that something was (of course) nothing other than the obligatory presence of a dragon.

Owner of a prominently snow-white hide, the large quadruped had been what had rustled the bushes, drawn to the sound of the commotion just like a certain new arrival - though of course sans axe. Instead, it carried upon its back a wide black stripe, which ran all the way from the short, single horn of its nose to the fire-red deltoid that was the tail tip. It hitherto covered just about the entirety of the dragon's back, including the outer skin of its wings, and thus also obscured the long mane of black hair upon its head and (not very long) neck, parted in two places not by horns, but long, slender white ears instead.

In fact, the horn on its nose was the only one this dragon had, though the claws on its feet and the hooks of its wings made up for that rather decently. Three on each foot they were, and one on each wing, the 'fingers' that didn't serve as skeletal supports within the wings themselves.

Remarkably, especially for its size, the creature moved rather quietly. Wings folded against its back, only a rustle here and there now paid witness to its walk toward the group - which apparently only gave Zuzana further reason to march on regardless of the warnings.

"This place is able to have saber-tooth tiger for all I care." she grumbled back to Adam as he followed, her confidence in her abilities as a soldier apparently knowing no bounds. Well, either that or she was just getting sick of being around humans, "Or giant swamp squid. Or dart strangler snake. Or..."

She counted off a few more things that lived back in the swamps of Esertos, the original Tsaiv homelands, just about any of which would've qualified as a mythical monster in the mind of a human. Finally though, she seemed to have enough. Upon reaching a small clearing, she stopped and turned about-face to Adam, placing hands at her hips.

"For the last time, I tell you:" she insisted just as the dragon poked its nose through the trees right behind her, quietly setting front feet not a meter from the Nadpráporèík's back, towering over the alien woman with nearly twice her size, "There stands nothing in this woods I am unable to handle..."

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Saints and Sinners Part Two: Blood is Thicker than Wire
Arc ID: 123721
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Custom, Crey
Missions: 5
Level Range: 30+
Difficulty Level: Same as above.
Synopsis: The search for a missing woman exposes a web of enslavement and coercion. ((Two EBs, ally provided on last mission only, same conditions as above.))

[/ QUOTE ]

Rating: ****
Likes: Custom critters
Gripes: Time sink mission, plot hole, contact is a Watson, disconnect with preceding arc, filler plot

Synopsis:

Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it: I didn't like this arc. At all. As in not one bit. Since I haven't played part 3, I can't state the following for certain, but from where I currently stand, this arc's plot is a filler story - an anecdote of 'hey look, some stuff happened' between parts 1 and 3. The only true plot element is that the story reveals the Saint is mind-controlling some (not all, and proportions aren't stated) members of the Order through cybernetic implants. Personally, I feel that doesn't warrant an entire arc, and since part 1 already has a filler mission that could've been dropped, said 'reveal' mission could've been added on there.

Now, don't get me wrong here. It's a very well done filler plot, free of truly egregious defects (apart from the time sink mission and a few small plot holes), and the plight of the contact for the assistance of your shining and heroic person in saving her innocent sibling from the vile clutches of the dreadful Saint's callous machinations certainly does something for it. Hence I will bold this here: YMMV. For me, it just didn't do enough.

My personal opinion of this could change if the contact showed a little more emotion (right now, she seems to try, but keeps floundering at it), and if she wasn't such a Watson - i.e. she seems to be too dense to figure out the obvious until well after the player does, even if she doesn't need to be told, "Elementary, dear Watson."

The arc's text elements need another go-over as well, though thankfully they are but many small things, not large grammar holes. All in all, a very well done arc, just not something that caters to my tastes in storytelling. Again however, YMMV.

Details:

[u]Mission 1:[u]

Intro dialogue: The contact's name/job introduction is a run-on, should be separated by a period. 'Northeast' and 'southeast' should be joined as shown. Also, the comma after the but should be before it.

Mission: I'm definitely liking this outside lead-in. Have been planning to do something like this myself, so rather glad others are using it as well. Enter the mission, this looks fairly straightforward, but the '2 find clues' nav text is a little off there. Also not really sure why this is set in an office.

Clue: A Day Planner: In, 'going to go to a night club', 'go to' should be removed.

Clue: A Worn Diary: 'Every day' should be two words, there should be a comma after the second 'day', and 'there's' should be removed.

Clue: Linda's Story: Second sentence is a run-on, should be separated by a period. Also should have a comma after 'phone'.

Return dialogue: The sentence describing Hope's diary should be separated with at least a semicolon.

What could this mission use? Better nav. text; for instance in the format of '2 clues to find'. An explanation of why I'm meeting the roommate in this huge office would be nice too. Oh, and some more enemy dialogue, maybe in the form of a patrol securing the area.

[u]Mission 2:[u]

Intro dialogue: 'Club Mosaic' should have quotes or something around it to indicate its questionable status presented by the 'a' before it. Also, there should be a comma after 'to do'. The sentence mentioning the address is a run-on, as is the one mentioning the manager.

Mission: Again, fairly straightforward. IMO, too straightforward. This contact isn't the sharpest gal around, huh? Well, I go save the club manager, get some information...but why do I suddenly have to fight another Templar? That's a pretty big disconnect there. Unless I missed something, the boss was never mentioned before he appeared.

Clue: Club Manager's Story (needs that apostrophe in the title): Paragraphs should be separated by a blank line. Also, the first sentence should end with a colon.

What could this mission use? An explanation for the boss fight. I suggest having the manager saying something along the lines that the Order will now come for her, or the guys guarding her calling for Templar backup. Anything, really. And again, more dialogue would be nice.

[u]Mission 3:[u]

Intro dialogue: Club manager should not be capitalized.

Mission: Ah, the good old insane asylum. Personally, I feel it's a little overused, but I suppose it fits decently enough here - though I would've imagined the Order having access to better funding. Hm, the level range seems a bit weird in this one. Looks like a ramp-up gone awry, so you might want to just set the spawns back to normal. Standard rescue, well enough...ah, I see the clue is a rescue as well, nice. Boss is fun, but seems oddly coherent for a Berserker, especially after the one in part 1 was such a garglehead. Kind of inconsistent, wouldn't you say?

Bio: Dr. Hanson: The last sentence is a run-on.

NPC Dialogue: Dr. Hanson: There should be a comma after 'wait'.

Clue: Enforced Loyalty: 'Cybernetics' needs an s (either that, or 'implants' does, either works), and 'Orders heads' should probably by 'heads of the Order's members'.

Return dialogue: 'Mind-controlling' should be joined as shown, and 'definitely' needs an e instead of an a.

What could this mission use? Aside from the mentioned text corrections, can't really think of anything. Maybe replace the Berseker with a Templar or give the present boss some more incoherent dialogue to mesh with the concept you established in part 1.

[u]Mission 4:[u]

Intro dialogue: Second sentence is a run-on, should be joined with something other than a comma after 'cyberpaths'. there should also be a period after 'right'. Oh, and when did 'the device' become 'the inhibitor'?

Entry popup: Needs a comma before 'but', a hyphen (or some other joint) before 'for now', and a comma before 'anyways'.

Mission: Standard Crey lab, okay. Get the inhibitor - on a long lab map. Very disappointing, reminds me of mission 3 in part 1, and feels like filler with little to no addition to the story.

Clue: The Inhibitor: Needs a comma after 'however'.

Return dialogue: The first paragraph is a giant run-on and should be separated into at least 3 sentences to cover the 3 different thoughts within. The second suffers from a similar case, though it looks like you just forgot to put a period after 'around'.

What could this mission use? Sorry to say, but: deletion. To reiterate what I said for mission 3 in part 1, it's a time sink, adds nothing to the story, and could've just as easily been covered by the contact saying something about Dr. Hanson having had some issues recovering his device.

Alternatively, it could be salvaged by using a smaller map or putting in some dialogue (patrols or bosses; just something to liven the place up). Either way, this mission is currently in great need of a rework, and feels like it has no other point than to make the arc 5 missions long.

[u]Mission 5:[u]

Intro dialogue: Needs a period after 'fight her'. Also, in regards to the inhibitor, 'it' either needs to go, or the sentence should be reworked into two. there should also be a period after 'we'.

Mission: Tech lab again, okay. Nav. text reads kind of weird. I would imagine it should say 'plant the cybernetic inhibitor' or just 'plant the inhibitor'. There's also a slight discrepancy of text when I click the glowie - am I planting the device, or just activating something Faith already put there? If the second, why didn't she just do so? Did the Order stop her before she could? Needs some more explanation.

Bio: The Inquisitor: Possessive designation should be 'Saint's', using the apostrophe. 'Among' needs an o instead of a u. Oh, and I believe she should be named Rayner, not Raynor.

NPC Dialogue: The Inquisitor: Not quite sure what you're trying to say in the first part of her inactive dialogue. I imagine it should be 'The last group's conscripts are overdue'.

Return dialogue: 'Docs' should not be capitalized, not does it need an apostrophe. 'Was' should be 'were', referring to plural places.

What could this mission use? Maybe a patrol or two with dialogue to put some more life on the map.

Good to see this discussion hasn't fished anyone's mind out of the gutter. Neat character, too. I especially like the stealing from his father take and the poke at Zeus' prolifity.

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Prepare to be mindfreaked

No, but, seriously...things are about to get WEIRD. MMs with Tanks, Stalkers with Blasters, Blaster with Brutes, Brutes with Defenders, Controllers with Dominators, Dominators with Tanks, etc.

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you realize you can do that now in the arena right?

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I was thinking the same thing but I didin't say it.... lol

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Indeed. I found myself quite confused looking at this thread, thinking "so another arena mechanic comes to zone pvp...big deal?"

I guess the primary effect will be more pvpers teaming with ATs from the other side, but that's about it I think.

Too hard? All you have to do to change a custom critter's rank is click a radio button. And then go through a few screens to hit 'save' of course, but seriously...

Also, how would being invincible help gauging how hard the mission is? If you take no damage, there's no way to judge this.

Interesting.

Agreed, it depends quite a bit. Usually, I use the ally's concept and the idea that a boss-class critter should be about equal to a player character as a benchmark. if the ally's concept calls for an inexperienced character or especailly squishy AT, I might use lieutenant. For tankers, I usually use elite boss. Other stuff it depends, but I usually use boss.

Yeah, tentacles were removed from the critters that you could just use normally. Only way to get them now is with random Hydra spawns and hope the RNG is on your side.