Over the Rainbow, please
- It is all in the story <3
Copied and pasted from Link*
Arc: 66042
Title: Over the Rainbow
Length: Medium
Morality: Neutral
Mission 1: Defeat All
Mission 2: Defend Objects & Boss
Mission 3: Boss & Ambush
Enemies: Custom
Description: Dr. Aeon had a slight mishap while watching a 24 hour Musical Marathon on Arachnovision. You see, he was working on his new Evil Infusing Character Cloning Automatic Spectraumatomizer. And something happened when his Grande Iced Caramel Macchiato fell off the table and went SPLAT! right onto it.
*WARNING DISCLAIMER*
I only run M/A stuff on easy. If you chose to do this Arc set to "Impossible" Please do not complain, that it is "Too Hard". It is not too hard on "easy".
Arc Name: Origin of Mezzolith
Arc ID: 77406
Author: Lazer Light
Number of Missions: 5
Description
A war between the Hellions and Skulls is starting to brew, but there is more to this than meets the eye. Find out the Cirlces Involvement in this plot to win the gang war in Perez park.
est 1-2 hours for the average solo or group
Edit.. ill test yours when im done with this run through 
Arc ID: 5349
Arc Name: Childhood Horrors
Faction(s): Council, Arachnos, Custom
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Xenite Blackthread / LordXenite
Difficulty Level: Easy.
Synopsis: Discover how growing up surrounded by Superheroes and Supervillains can affect the mind of a child...
Estimated Time to Play: Anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.
Recommended Team: Solo-friendly on Heroic
I believe that a Kheldian Gold Standard should be based on SO's, and for anything above that... there's Platinum!
Save Ms. Liberty (#5349) � Augmenting Peacebringers � The Umbra Illuminati
Save Ms. Liberty (#5349) � Augmenting Peacebringers � The Umbra Illuminati
Arc Name: Seldom Told Tales - Statesman and the Atomic Soldier
Arc ID: 8993
Author: @Fyst
Number of Missions: 4
Description
Experience first-hand one of Statesman's greatest battles you've never heard of.
The premise of the arc is that Statesman and AE teamed up to let you experience one of his previously unknown adventures. Expect the 5th Column and some custom named bosses. I've played this arc on a team at invincible high levels, played it solo at heroic at level 12, and several levels/team combos in between. I don't care about stars, but would love feedback.
I'm especially worried about the bosses. I want them to be tough, but DON'T want to smack players down. I'm mainly in it for the storytelling.
EDIT - and yes, when the 5th column custom bosses shout at you in German, it will make sense to those who speak German. I hope. 
::Looks up at Xenite's arc post::
Consider yourself in the cue, sir - right after the Revenge of Hro'Dotz
....... makes a note to make a giant Homer Simpson Rikti boss named Hro'DOH.....
The Scrappers' Guide to Dark Melee | Kheldian Binds and Strategies
I could use some feedback on an arc in progress, I have been fooling around with a custom critter group that I plan on having a pretty big story on; This group is introduced as a cameo in the MA mission below (they are fighting the skulls in an office), I need to get opinions on their makeup, ability, description (in 'Info'), etc. They are tougher than the skulls I know for sure, the battle I came across was over before it started :/ - need to know if this translates into fighting other heroes too (Tested on a 12 Elec/Elec with little to no issue).
Arc says Defeat All but it is really just clear all of the last room - there is an optional glowie clue as well that adds some more flavor.
Arc 72565: Informatino Disruption
Creator: @Clorius
Length: Short - 1 mission as it stands now
Morality: Hero
Map: 2 Floor Office Map (standard Hero set #7)
Description: A high level Skulls contact has gone missing disrupting the flow of information to the PPD. You have been called on because of your reputation... but is there more to meets the eye on this case?
Level Range 1-14 (got info on making custom Skulls that I will use for later missions)
I will review one of your arcs in a little bit, doing a humor arc right now 
Arc Name:Passing Notes
Arc ID:72475
Author:@Aracade
Number of Missions: 3
Level Range: Covers all but Recommended Level Range: 30 - 50
Description:A Treasure Chest contains the key to a world that shouldn't be.
Very weak discription really but I couldn't think of something better at the time. Generaly... Your missions are given to you in the form of letters or notes depending on what you want to call them. It show Custom as enemies because I wanted their group names to be specific and/or I wanted certian enemies to be in the group without me having to make them all. It can cover all level ranges to a certian extend but the bosses are not lowbie friendly.
If you play at max difficulty, last mission boss is AV instead of Elite Boss.
I will check out your arcs in the evening when I'm not at work posting messages when I shouldn't be like i'm dowing now @_@...
Since I'm posting from work (*cough cough*) I won't be able to play your missions until later tonight.
Arc Name: Catching Lightning in a Bottle
Arc ID: 60639
Author: @Hertz
Number of Missions: 5 (one defeat all)
Level Range: 40-45 heroic
Description: Defeat the body-exchanging villainess Shanghai.
would love to get some feedback on one of mine:
Arc Name: Town of Super People
Arc ID: 59106
Author: @CaptainBaffo
Number of missions: 5 (all large maps...)
Level Range 1-50, Neutral
Description: A video game company, NC Hard, has stolen the info on every hero and villain in Paragon City and the Rogue Isles. Now it's up to you to stop them from releasing their game, Town of Super People.
More Details: First 4 missions have glowies as well as 2 bosses each, final mission has glowies and EB/AV
"When Eric Estrada looked me in the eyes, I thought I would feel different..." Michael Perry
The Frat and the Furious - MA ID 27145
Town of Super People - MA ID 59106
[ QUOTE ]
Over the Rainbow
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: ****
Likes: very creative enemy group, fun story, whimsical atmosphere, excellent classical references.
Gripes: surprise EBs, lack of clues, not enough flavor.
Synopsis: this is already a very good work, but with just a few tweaks, it could be truly fantasmagorical. 
With so many great custom critters, I realize space may be an issue, but nevertheless I recommend you really get yourself into both the stories and Dr. Aeon's head again. You're just...missing things: the doctor's general insanity, the played-up atmosphere of what you're including; stuff that's not technically wrong, but really should be included.
Furthermore, you've got some grammar twiddle, but that was small enough to not count against you. I still recommend you go over it again, but really the only thing that caused me not to give this a 5-star rating were the surprise EBs and the feeling that things just weren't involved enough, both of which can easily be mended with proper text additions.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Intro dialogue: the sentence starting with 'while' should be continued with a comma, not a period. Also, I'm not really getting a 'mad' feeling from Dr. Aeon - more of a just 'careless and scatterbrained', maybe just a little nuts, but in a cute way.
Intro popup: Needs periods to separate sentences.
Mission: I was immediately taken by your custom group. Very detailed, fun to fight. But why does the poor Greaser have such a short bio when the others have such wonderful descriptions? 
You handled the defeat-all very well with a short map and well-meshed story involvement. Excellent work.
What could this mission use? Dialogue from the NPCs.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro popup: 'Now' should be capitalized.
Mission: Hm, the three motion sensors all spawned together right at the entrance. Made for an pretty epic fight, though. 
Then...defeat Mary, huh? When did that come up? I've got nothing in my clue bag. Okay, so I head to defeat...agh, surprise EB! Warn me about that, will you? Fun fight, for though the illusion was a bit much, her dialogue was excellent.
What could this mission use? Warning about the EB, clue(s) from the motion sensors, dialogue form the regular NPCs.
[u]Mission 3:[u]
Intro dialogue: Who's "them"? Yes, I know, but could use more detail there.
Mission: I see some new faces again, yay. Keep 'em coming. Capture Sandy? Okay...not sure who that is, might want to give that to Dr. Aeon to explain or just leave the next text ambiguous. Chanc chang? Interesting. I open the door...ahh, another surprise EB! One that runs! Yaaagh! Warn me about that, dammit! Interesting dialogue she had though, ambush was well-timed.
What could this mission use? Warning about the EB and the running, maybe a 'stasis chamber with her in it' clue upon boss defeat, some more dialogue form the regular NPCs.
Return dialogue: some capitalization in there that isn't needed: 'no', 'everyone'.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
I am at 99.99% full of the story. I had to cut stuff out. It really was a big downer that I also had to cut 6 of my custom enemies as well.
Thanks for the awesome feedback
I don't have room to add anything, or any text. I really really wish I could. When I originally finished the story, I was at 123.54%
I will try to fix some of the text errors >.< I looked over it several times.
Hi, I've already asked the guy doing lowbie arcs to have a look at this one, but would love a second opinion.
Arc Name: Out of the gutters
Arc ID: 68054
Faction: Villainous
Creator: @Madcat 88
Difficulty levels Easy - Medium. No bosses, but designed for lowbies. Has a leut with status effects.
Synopsis
Left for dead after your neighbourhood was trashed in a running battle between Arachnos, Longbow and a pack of destined ones, you dragged yourself out of the rubble and swore that you were through with being a victim.
Notes: This arc is designed as an alternative start for villains, it'll get a character from level 1 to level 3 or 4.
#2409 - The Mystery of the MAGI vaults. Azuria has contacted you to help her stop the thefts from the MAGI vaults.
#68054 - Out of the gutters. Left for dead, you swore that you were through with being a victim (alt villain beginning story)
[ QUOTE ]
Rise of the Hellions
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *
Likes: The concept, the will to provide content for low levels.
Gripes: Just about everything else.
Synopsis: I'm sorry to say this arc pushed me right out of it. Grammar, spelling, the nature of the missions, the bosses chosen, ambushes thrown, mangled objectives, and unclear briefings all combined into one another to form something that just gave me very little fun and a great big sensation of 'I just want this to be over'. The concept has a lot of potential, and content is indeed needed in the low ranges, but it'll take a lot more work to make this entertaining.
Details:
Description: some typos here: should be 'An', 'peace', 'Meant', and Perez Park should be capitalized.
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Okay, looks like I'll have to go with a different format for this. I can't say the intro and supporting text enamored me to this arc. No offense, but frankly you've got absolutely horrible English. At the very least run these things through a spell checker, though my personal recommendation is that you go over this with a language club in hand and smack it until the grammar's acceptable too.
The contact isn't exactly the most fitting thing either, but I'll enter, see what's what...and I already see this is a timed mission with several objectives not specified in the intro. What should I do with the frightened girl and the 'Alter' of power? Who are Skull Smasher and Chavek, and what the heck do I do with them? Well, guess I'll find out.
Okay, found the frightened girl, saved her. Had some dialogue, good...and even a clue, woot. Clue says save her friends...who unlike her are misspelled. That's kind of strange. You got it right the first time. Oh well. Looking then, and I find...ohhh, a body bag. Yep, they killed one. Nice touch, shows off just how bad gang wars can be. No text on the progress bar though, and the clue is...I'm sorry, but the word 'ugh' comes to mind.
Continuing on, I find 'Spunky Girl'. Interesting. Idealistic teacher too, and gives me a clue that some mages dragged her friend Jenna off, whose last name is apparently Katt, which I already know. Oh dear. Well, I continue on to find Chavek. Ah, so he's the mage leader, okay. Seems to have some good idea as to what he's doing. Mezzes me right into the ground. Chavek: 1, me: 0. Note to self: remember that at lvl 14, you don't have mez protection.
Come back for another go with some breakfrees. Chavek buys it, hah! ...and then the all-ghost ambush floors me. Ouch. Looks like Chavek still got the last laugh on that one. At least he dropped me a clue. No, wait...not really. It's just a filler.
Come back, wax the ghosts with some yellows, find the altar of power. Looks spooky, but what do I do with it? Oh, I must destroy it. Why? Heck if I know, but I do. Hey, it drops a clue! "The mysterious altar has been destroyed." Yyyyeah, thanks for that, I couldn't tell on just my little old lonesome.
Next I save Jenna, who's being held by some mages casting what's actually a relly nifty-looking spell for a blood sacrifice to some Mezzolith (a monolith that mezzes, perhaps?), and *bursts into tears* when I get her...without an animation or a clue...oh wait, she's a rescue, I have to lead her out. Ugh, no wonder she was following me all of a sudden. Okay, fine. Oh look, there's Skull Smasher, who promptly proceeds to do exactly that with his pet ambush. Ouchies.
Oh, make that ambushes. Yeesh, for this level range, that's really nasty. I get 'em, though. Time for the long trip back to the entrance...with the hostage...yuck. You could've picked a smaller map for this. Oh, Skull Smasher dropped a clue. He blames the Hellions. For what, I'm not quite sure. Get Jenna out, clue says apparently I'm some big hero now. Hm. I like the message, but not the tone. Could use work.
I exit and the popup tells me how I feel. Not sure how I feel about that. Return to contact who suddenly knows everything. Yeah, thus far this isn't much entertaining me.
[u]Mission 2[u]
More grammar issues, but eventually I figure out what the contact wants. Not sure why I'm doing it though, as a hero I should just bust him. So I head out to find a Hellion undercover agent...oh dear, where will this end up? Yep, in a street fight, in which apparently the Hellions are now my allies. Um...okay? So I take off and hey look, there's Mezzolith. Well, he ain't no monolith, but he sure mezzes with the best of 'em. I eat pavement. Mezzolith calls me a noob and says to bring breakfrees.
So I do, he goes down...but frankly, I can't say I feel any sort of triumph. Looks like my patience has worn thin, and my desire to be entertained by this arc has fled. Sorry bud, but here's where I say "adios, this needs a lot of work" - and not just in the grammar department.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
I'd like to request a review of...
Arc Name: The Sleeping Star
Arc ID: 53951
Author: @Leese
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 45-50 recommended, but I've done it on a lv41 Blaster.
Description:A young girl's friend has gone missing, and she'd like you to help search for her.
Yes, the contact is one of my characters, but I'd appreciate an open mind. I was deliberately trying to avoid the worst of the Mary Sue tropes while writing this. If you want to leave any private feedback, please don't use the ingame system, as this was posted with my EU account and transatlantic feedback seems to be sketchy at best.
I'll throw one of mine at you. It's a redside arc intended as a prequel to when you ended up in the Zig. It intentionally caps out at 15. And due to the abundance of a relevant custom critter group and our inability to defang their status effects, I'd suggest playing not before level 8--maybe even later.
Title: Oh, The Bad Things You've Done!
Arc#: 54308
Author: @SilverAgeFan
Length: Medium-Long, 3 missions, no defeat-alls
And if you enjoy that one, I've got a superspy oriented arc blueside as a chaser. This one is intended for levels 30+. Had some kinks with the first and second iteration of the custom villain group in it, but I think those are all worked out now.
Title: When T.R.O.U.B.L.E. Blows In...
Arc#: 26095
Author: @SilverAgeFan
Length: Long, 4 missions, (last mission is not a defeat all-but can easily turn into that)
Hope you enjoy!
[ QUOTE ]
Childhood Horrors
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *****
Likes: Dynamic mission objectives, story references, canon incorporation, plot flow.
Gripes: Mission 2 escort seems unnecessary, mission 3 has a few too many glowies.
Synopsis: I found a gem! Well, barring the grammar stuff, so maybe a gem with a scratch, but still a gem. The story was compelling, mixed several elements together into a cohesive and evolving plot, was told from a very interesting perspective, and while it ended a bit predictably, it was an excellent work all the same. I especially liked the dynamically changing objectives, the cross-referencing to here and there, and of course just the idea of You Know Who doing You Know What.
Aside from a text-cleanup and a few small nitpicks, I really have no concrete criticism for this. It's just a really good arc, and I highly recommend it.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Intro dialogue: some erroneous capitalization here and there. Also, you may want to add that it's the Council that nabbed Herbert before the scanner gadget stuff.
Intro popup: ohh, a twist already! How neat. Data terminals shouldn't be capitalized, though.
Mission: Okay, this looks promising. Decently sized, but not too long to wear out its welcome...I also like the changing objectives mid-mission; very clever. Oooh, is that a Council Sniper?! I hardly ever see these guys! Oh, and he's even a 'custom character', which I would know if I'd read the clue right away. Oops, my bad. Oh, and there's even a mission drop clue. Hehehe, it appears the plot thickens.
What could this mission use? Can't think of a thing.
[u]Mission 2[u]
Okay, gonna skip over the grammar discussion since it seems to be just capitalization stuff (let me guess; English isn't your first language either? I know it took me a long time to get that stuff right ). Hm, so I'm helping Posi, huh? Sound interesting. Hm I also see Arachnos. Let's see what comes of this.
Ah, and there's the first device, a generator...with its generic description still attached, bah. Was hoping for something more sinister. You might want to look into that. And I see we have changing objectives again, with supported text and clues; very nice. Looks like I'm off to find Posi.
I do quite soon, and he's got a nice animation, not to mention some very decent dialogue - and yet another new objective attached. This appears to be a trend here, so I'll just say nice work on the dynamics and be quiet about it here from now on. With Posi, I handily defeat the Big-Bad-Maybe - but it's not over! Though defeated, the villain had a backup plan! NICE!
Not gonna spoil what happens from here on, just know that I liked it very much.
What could this mission use? Maybe lose the escort. I imagine Posi is competent enough to take care of things on his own once you hurmhurmhurm. It doesn't detract, however.
Exit popup: You've got a typo in 'cowardly'.
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro dialogue: Typo in 'erected'.
Mission: Oh boy, the finale. I cannot say I'm not excited about this. The conveyance of urgency of the last mission was excellent.
Hm, so I'm not quite sure what these objects of power are supposed to be or where they came from - you might want to elaborate on that - but the custom enemies are definitely a sight!
Okay, found an object, an altar. Not sure...oh, I see where this is going. Very nice. Hm, you might want to change the fluttering shadow clue, it says there are only 2 objects there. I also ran into the Shadow before getting the objects, so a tad of a disconnect there, and when 'it' asks me to stop...um, how do I do so? Lacking a few instructions there. I guess you didn't count on people wanting to take its offer, huh?
Okay, finally found all the objects of power, and get...hehe, more stuff again, very nice. Oh, this is keeping my attention - and though the results of 'finding out' the stated objectives were somewhat predictable, they still fit every nicely.
What could this mission use? Less objects of power, since they all seem to give the same clue.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Out of the gutters
Arc ID: 68054
Faction: Villainous
Creator: @Madcat 88
Difficulty levels Easy - Medium. No bosses, but designed for lowbies. Has a leut with status effects.
Synopsis
Left for dead after your neighbourhood was trashed in a running battle between Arachnos, Longbow and a pack of destined ones, you dragged yourself out of the rubble and swore that you were through with being a victim.
Notes: This arc is designed as an alternative start for villains, it'll get a character from level 1 to level 3 or 4.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *****
Likes: Just about everything.
Gripes: Defeat all, level gaps
Synopsis: I hate defeat alls and level gaps. Have I mentioned how much I hate defeat alls and level gaps? Yes? Well here it is again: I haaaaate defeat alls and level gaps. That said, this arc is so good I had no troube giving this 5 stars. Give that a moment to sink in.
This arc accomplihes its purpose, tells a good story (though you do have to immerse yourself a little), has creative mechanics, and sets itself apart just enough that I cannot say 'it's just a rehash of something else', despite the very sparse use of custom ciritters. Personally, I think telling a good story like this with few or no customs at all (and instead 'crafting' custom characters from standard critters) is the mark of a truly excellent author.
My suggestions are detailed below, but truth be told, nothing here needs improvement. It would be nice if the level range was contiguous throughout the arc, (maybe 1-9; 1-5 is too little there in mission 3 IMO) but all in all that's a personal thing of mine, and not something that truly affects the experience here in a negative manner.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Mission: Quick and fun. Nice insertion, nothing glaringly obvious to nitpick on, even some nice flavor in the Longbow Dialogue. Can't really think of any improvements for this.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro dialogue: I imagine the name 'The Bad Sectors' should be capitalized like that.
Mission: Okay, this is downright spooky. Me like. Missed the computer the first go-around, but then found it. Not a bad touch setting everything loose, if a tad predictable. Also, ahem...HHHHAAAALLLL!!!!
What could this mission use? Some claim condition aside from defeat all. While it works, there really isn't an overly compelling reason, especially once the mainframe is destroyed. Also, if you're going to keep the defeat all, you should probably state it in the nav text as 'defeat all security' or something.
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro dialogue: 'Centre' should be capitalized if being used as a name.
Mission: Oy, another defeat all. Well, at least it's one with warning and excessively solid reasoning. But ARGH, why am I suddenly so level-limited? I was fine the first 2 missions, what's going on? Even not playing my high-level characters, I would've surely hit 5 by now on this arc.
I suspect the cause of this is the boss. I think you may be able to change this by inserting 'random' there and get away with it, since IIRC Arachnos bosses below lvl 10 are exclusively Huntsmen.
Oh, not a defeat all after all? Well now, you sure set me up the bomb.
What could this mission use? Max. level range of 9, at least. Maybe a patrol with dialogue about the alarm. Just something for a little more flavor.
[u]Mission 4:[u]
Nothing wrong with the text that I can see, so straight to the meat. Yum. That's my opinion, anyway. Maybe a bit too quick a meal, but definetely a very solid one. It coud use a little bit of stretching, maybe a Longbow ambush that the Captain calls for backup.
What could this mission use? Just a bit more length.
[u]Mission 5:[u]
Well well, what have we here? A whole bunch of stuff, apparently. Stuff too good to spoil, in fact. So all I will say here: nothin' wrong with th-oh, what's what ever there?
What could this mission use? Can't think of a thing.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
Wow, thank you.
Noted on the level ranges will see what I can do about them. Have corrected The Bad Sectors and Centre.
2 requires a defeat in the last room only (where the mainframe is supposed to spawn, where the mainframe spawned every single test run, but where it seems to refuse to spawn in live), but will see if I can get it to behave more predictably, and if so, change it to be the Claim condition. *
Mission 3 - Noted re: patrols. In my other arc that's for general consumption I went very patrol heavy so that I could have lots of chatter, don't know why I didn't this time, will add some - as you said, they should really be talking about the alarm at least.
Mission 4 bugs me a little bit too - we just have so few details available in the map used, but warehouse maps are too messy for what I wanted to do.
* Actually, looking at the mission, this may be to do with their listing order. Will try to get it working properly again on my local version before playing with the live one.
#2409 - The Mystery of the MAGI vaults. Azuria has contacted you to help her stop the thefts from the MAGI vaults.
#68054 - Out of the gutters. Left for dead, you swore that you were through with being a victim (alt villain beginning story)
May need to run this one Madcat_88. Have you also posted it to Scholarman who is doing a low level arc review?
I'm quite interested in "alternative origin arcs" for lowbie villains. I never quite got into the canon material as compelling generic origin material--I think CoH, despite being dated, far exceeded CoV in terms of this.
I've published (and asked for review of) my first stab at one of these arcs in this thread as well: "Oh, The Bad Things You've Done!" (#54308) It has some problems. But I'm waiting a few more reviews for digging into my forthcoming alternative origins arc tentatively titled "I Am Monster."
A source of inspiration, despite a bunch of typos and no use of fancy stuff like colored text is @Alika-Awesome's "The Art of Villainy" (#43405). It's the most silver aged villain arc I've seen to date and scales just fine into the sub level 10 range.
So yeah, anyways, I'll be looking up, playing and rating yours later tonight I think. What was that number? 68054?
Silverage - yep, I've asked Scholarman to have a look at it too, but he's got MAGI in his queue first.
I am going to look at yours and the Alika one as I have a Widow I'm trying to level up through MA only, and finding non-farm arcs for lowbies is tough.
Edit: Have fixed level ranges in mission three as suggested, and used a random Longbow boss to open up 4's
More complex stuff like patrols will wait until I'm not half-asleep.
#2409 - The Mystery of the MAGI vaults. Azuria has contacted you to help her stop the thefts from the MAGI vaults.
#68054 - Out of the gutters. Left for dead, you swore that you were through with being a victim (alt villain beginning story)
[ QUOTE ]
Appreciate the feedback...I'm on my way to run one of yours!!! Great idea for this tread btw...
TITLE: Nemesis Plot?
ARC ID: 73479
GLOBAL: Pyro Nympho
ENEMY: Custom (surprise), Arachnos, Nemesis, EBs/AVs
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Depends on your weakness...muahahaha!!! (EBs/AVs...yes)
STORY TEASER: Nemesis requests your assistance. A Crey Scientist, Dr. Dubbs, holds the secret...to a weapon that could wipe out Paragon City. Lord Recluse wants it...Nemesis wants to stop him!
Teaming up with an Arch-Villian? Is this just another one of his Plots? Is Nemesis counting on you, or playing you against the Spider? (Special guest appearance of Kalinda, playing the role of herself).
Intrigue, mystery, backstabbing, and stealth belts (FTW!). Clones, Prototypes, Medical Duplicators, Binary DNA strands, and a glowing box...filled with EBs/AVs, and an assassin team to die for...literally!
Join the fun, or die trying!
WARNING!!! - Not for beginners. Some builds my find this story arc too difficult to complete. Grab a team! Only attempt to SOLO if your character can handle EBs/AVs alone. Check your difficulty level before starting...you will encounter Arch-Villians!!! (it's really not that tough...but really it is).
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: ***
Likes: It's playable, and decently so. The enemies look fun, and some are a very nice challenge.
Gripes: Missing descriptions, disjointed text and objectives, Nemesis doesn't talk anything like Nemesis, some maps are very ill-fitting, level gap, mostly bland missions except for bosses and allies, unfinished (or hasty) feel, Wall Banger plot.
Synopsis: Oh boy, where do I start? Yeah, it's a Wall Banger. A decently written Wall Banger, but the Idiot Ball gets thrown early and sticks like glue. Also, I swear there's more than one, and they're stalking you. However, the crux of the problems with this arc is that it feels very unfinished; that not a lot of thought went into it after the initial conceptual stages.
So many descriptions are missing, and while some mystery is good, this is just excessive. Not only does it aid the Idiot Ball greatly, but it generally leaves me highly disappointed in what to me looks to have the potential for a really nasty Nemesis Plot. Regrettably, with the elements arranged the way they are (mostly chained mission objectives that appear dynamic, but often have no connection text at all), and the general lack of dialogue within the missions (apart from required bosses and allies), this just doesn't come out much better than a really good newspaper mission.
Sure, it's got a plot, and one with a ton of potential. As it is now, however, this plot is little more than a general Wall Banger.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Intro dialogue: Hmm, Lord Nemesis seems unusually level-headed today. I'm not really getting a sense of the pompous madman personality here. Not sure if that's part of the story or not yet, though. However, there is no 'the' in Arachnos, and as an organization, it's a singular term. Also, since when does Nemesis talk in yellow and orange?
Mission: Okay, this is a pretty big map...kinda bland too. That's not a good sign right off the bat. Remember, bigger is not always better, even when the map is marked 'unique'. Appropriate choice is very important. Also, your device spawned inside a wall, which for most players would make this mission not completeable.
So I scan the device, and Dr. Dubbs spawns with his missing custom description. Na ja. I'm all for dynamic objectives, but there should at least be a small link of text from click glowie to spawn hostage. Also, 'strange medical device' should not be capitalized in the clue given. The change to Kalinda went a bit more smoothly, but still came off as forced.
Hm, surprised she didn't run with the 'prevent escape' type nav text, so I;m not sure if that's a bug or intended. If the latter, you should probably change the text to just say 'defeat Kalinda'. Oh, I also got a...recap clue? Interesting. Hey, this thing's got some question marks on stuff that aren't questions. Even without though, this first mission feels kinda bland.
What could this mission use? A shorter map. Also some flavor text, maybe in the form of patrols or a few randomly placed boss spawns with dialogue. More polished and cohesive text.
Exit mission popup: binary data should not be capitalized.
Return dialogue: medical device should not be capitalized.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro dialogue: 'lead' should be 'led'. Medical journal should not be capitalized. Neither should medical facility in the accept mission box, automatons, or allies.
Nav text: "Dubbs" should be "Dubbs'", implying a possessive.
Intro popup: rubber bullets should not be capitalized.
Mission: Interesting...for a Crey researcher's place, this looks really run-down. Well, guess I'll have a look why. Oh, a file cabinet, which gives me a clue and a new objective, neither of which have anything to do with one another. Such things really shouldn't spawn in series like this. Well, off to crack open the safe...literally, apparently. Poor safe. Hey, who're those Killer Blondes? KoA with MPD? Hm, guess I'll never know since they don't have descriptions.
So I break open the...very odd-looking safe to find a journal...and suddenly know there's a captive here because of yet another disjointed chained objective. Wait, I know - that medical device from the last mission must've given me ESP! I can see the future!
No, but really, these disjointed objectives are getting a little annoying.
Well, guess I'll check out this captive. 'Prototype', hm? Apparently, my ESP is gone as quickly as it came, for I can find out nothing more due to lacking description. Guarded by Nemesis Automatons, to boot. I cast Force Sense and feel the presence of the Idiot Ball. Two seconds later, I've already caught it with no explanation. Oh wait, a clue...no, just filler. Filler that's apparently my character's opinion. Not sure how I feel about that. Oh, and the ambush has some capitalization problems.
What could this mission use? A lot of things. Nemesis Automatons are famous for their office chatter, and without it, this place feels very bland. Also, you could probably find a better fitting map. What really needs to change here, however, is the presentation of objectives (either chained and connected with text/clues or not presented at the beginning) and the descriptions for the custom group need to come in. Also, the Idiot Ball this early already?
Mission exit popup: medical journal should not be capitalized.
Return dialogue: 'An' should be capitalized. There should be a comma after sinister. 'These' should not have an extra s at the end, 'so-called' should not have a space. there should not be a question mark after 'own'. Medical journal and automaton group should not be cap...okay, I'm just going to stop with that, this is getting silly. No offense, but you really need to look up the capitalization rules for the English language.
Also, it would appear Lord Nemesis has a whole stack of Idiot Balls somewhere, as he takes the one I have with a gentle smirk and promptly hands me another one before the next mission even starts.
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro popup: who is 'I'?
Mission: So I come in and need to find...the Multiplier. Sounds like a demonic abacus, which apparently I know since my ESP has returned. Interestingly enough, the Killer Blondes now like me. I guess that stealth belt really does work...either that, or it's my new haircut. Sadly, even the EBs have no description - and neither does anything from 'Twin Inc'. How disappointing.
So I find the Multiplier. Not an abacus after all, how sad. I either scan or search it - not sure which since the text says both, but the clue it gives me is at least somewhat useful. Apparently, however, combining DNA with binary code is a heinous crime, so I must now arrest Dr. Dubbs...or do I? The question mark in the nav text makes me wonder. Oh, and before I forget, I have to pick my Idiot Ball back up, since this mysterious device is obviously too mysterious to take with me, destroy (since it can't possibly be the thing that made many Prototypes out of one, right?), or report to someone else. Now that I have my ball, back to wondering about Dubbs.
Well, apparently my answer will have to wait, for I meet Duce Dubbs, and since despite my ESP I don't know Dr. Dubbs' first name, I have no idea if it's him or his evil twin. Considering, however, that he says I can't stop him from multiplying with a capital M (which shouldn't be there), all I can be sure of is that I've got a very demented mathematician on my hands. The recap clue leaves that question open, so I guess it's on purpose - which on one hand is good, but on the other really could've been presented better in the once-more disjointed chained objective. Also, the last part should read: "are he and Dr. Dubbs the same", not is.
What could this mission use? The same thing as the above.
Return dialogue: There should be a comma after understand. There should not be one after agreed.
[u]Mission 4:[u]
Intro dialogue: I'm told of a choice, but can't seem to make one. That's fairly typical, but I didn't expect it from an MA arc. There are so many tools available to go around this. Then again, I suppose I am still holding my Idiot Ball. Also, there should be a comma after 'don't follow me' and 'Good day to you'. 'Spare' should not have an extra s at the end.
Mission: Well, I'm off to save the city from Dubbs and Recluse apparently, so as soon as I enter, I must...save Kalinda? Okay, this is getting weird. Let's see what's what with that. Oh, apparently she betrayed Recluse, and now I have to save him instead. How unexpected. Well, at least the clue's nice and clear and I finally get to drop the Idiot Ball, even though 'considered' should have an n in it.
Next thing I run into a Killer Blondes EB, also an ally. Huh, it would seem the KB are some kind of programmed creations, possibly robots, created by Dr. Dubbs. This once has been reprogrammed to help me. Seems pretty effective, but sadly lacks description.
Next I find Dr. Dubbs - so Duce and Doctor are not the same man, though the Doc did create the Multiplier and now wants to do the very same thing I did back in mission 2. Nice to see whom I passed that ball to. Oh and look, there's Recluse, trapped by a pair of minions. Apparently, he had nothing to do with any of this, and is only here because Nemesis kept throwing his name around. Go figure. So that's where my second Idiot Ball went. I was looking for that.
I probably shouldnt have been though, since it promptly gets thrown to me again. So I say hi to Duce Dubbs. Apparently, he's just a pawn, but Recluse steals my kill anyway. Does the same with Nemesis (whom I of course had to be told by Duce was pulling the strings before I realized I should go beat him), and only then may I finally destroy the Multiplier, which I reiterate I should've done way back in mission 2 already. Yeesh, what a Wall Banger.
What could this mission use? Too much to list here, but starting with the same as above is a good first step. Making the Idiot Ball just a bit less obvious would be a good idea too, at least as far as the objectives are concerned. That Duce, Nemesis, and the Multiplier all have to go is brutally obvious.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: The Sleeping Star
Arc ID: 53951
Author: @Leese
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 45-50 recommended, but I've done it on a lv41 Blaster.
Description:A young girl's friend has gone missing, and she'd like you to help search for her.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *****
Likes: Intriguing plot, suspenseful presentation, creative semi-custom group, excellent story told with no particular reliance on custom stuff; your customs only enhance the thing.
Gripes: Level gap, surprise EB, non-EB customs not very challenging, "just a bunch of stuff that happened".
Synopsis: Very well-presented story that, while it's not something we haven't seen in the game before, is told from a perspective that shines truly new light onto the concept. It's both an origin story as well as an involved plot of mystery and suspense, and at several points I worried for the author's characters.
Some people may call Mary Sue, but I say no way. Excellently written, wonderful grammar, and while it's not a grand-scale-epic or presents a profound moral of the story, it is definitely an arc worthy of 5 stars: fun, involved, and a pleasure to both read and play.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Intro text: should read "Founders' Falls". Same with intro popup.
Mission: Hm, Founders' Falls and suspicious people. I like where this is going, though the objectives seem a little...off in their nav text representation and arrangement.
What could this mission use? You may want to make the suspicious people optional to take them off the nav text and just have the player find them, and retain the required suspicious spawn(s) for when Leese is found. Also, you might want to relabel 'find luggage' as 'look for clues', and set the defeat boss conditions to boss only - since you're interrogating just those individuals. Finally, even though the dialogue already conveys it, a clue along the 'you're too late' lines would feel very appropriate.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Hmm, 'invasion' huh? That seems a little far-fetched. Is...ah, I see now. Semi-custom Nictus group. Hey, this is getting interesting. Let's find this Cap'Tur guy before...NYAGH, there he is, and smacks me with 'artefact'! Should be an i instead of e. Also, his dialogue is pretty sparse. The clue, however, is very nicely presented.
What could this mission use? Dialogue. A little more for the boss, maybe a patrol for flavor. Also, maybe make the boss spawn after meeting up with Leese, having her say something about you better finding the leader of these 'villains'.
[u]Mission 3[u]
A Council base to investigate, huh? Hm, I'd kind of like to know why I need to defeat the base leader to do that. The AAR clue could use a blank line in-between those paragraphs, and I believe Kheldian should be capitalized. Don't quote me on that, though.
What could this mission use? A little contact text on the base leader, and something to include that you need to defeat his guards too. Changing the nav text to 'defeat base leader and guards' should take care of that nicely.
[u]Mission 4:[u]
Intro dialogue: very nice fake Idiot Ball. Also excellent reasoning for the subversion. Me like.
Mission: Again the nav text just jumps at me. How do I suddenly know all these things? Hey, nice ambush though, very clever. Oh, and what's this? Surprise EB! Well, good thing I've got my own, heh heh. Take it! So, we're dealing with the 5th now, are we?
What could this mission use? Ambiguous clues. Having them plural and not detailed at first would be nice, giving a sense of tension since you only discover what the clues are one at a time, and each paints another part of the picture that you didn't even know was there before.
[u]Mission 5:[u]
Intro popup: Council should be capitalized.
Mission: Well well well, the colors of old, how refreshing. Let's get to this. I see the nav text is focused on Leese only at first; very nice. The mission title ruins at a bit, but not dramatically. Oh my, looks like they got Leese...nope, but almost. Oh, NOW we're talking dynamic mission objectives, very nice. The clue could use another blank line, though.
Now then, let's see where this Vogt fellow...aha, surprise EB. And no ally. Nych. Well, do what I do. Oh, he's got a journal. Clue could use another blank line, but delivers the connection to the next objective very nicely indeed. Also nice twist on the EB not being the end of it, don't see that often at all. Not sure the escort's entirely necessary, though.
Ope, scratch that, it is indeed necessary. Very nice incorporation.
Exit popup: could use another blank line.
What could this mission use? A warning that if the 5th is really there that Vogt is probably very strong (you know, standard EB/AV you have to face text) somewhere.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
Quid pro quo. I'm doing this for very selfish reasons: I need feedback too. Therefore, I request that after you list your arc in the following standard format:
[/ QUOTE ]
Take-a you pick.
Arc Name: Dream Paper
Arc ID: 1874
Author: @GlaziusF
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 10-20
Description: The Lost are breaking into the cheapest apartments in the city. Finding out why will lead you up a scanty trail of evidence to a disquieting conclusion.
Arc Name: Bricked Electronics
Arc ID: 2180
Author: @GlaziusF
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 8-20
Description: Mark Freeman finds a ghost in a machine. Trailing it will lead you through the scrap heaps of Skyway City to meet an unexpected ally and stop a grievous heist.
Arc Name: The Bravuran Jobs
Arc ID: 5073
Author: @GlaziusF
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: very wide, suggested 20-30
Description: The tiny sovereignty of Bravura arose in the wake of the Rikti War. It claims an ancient ruling dynasty, but it's an open secret its holdings are products of military conquest. Sounds like your kind of place. And even better, they're looking for freelancers.
[ QUOTE ]
you give me some feedback on one of the following arcs: "the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz" or "Hunting the Dark Dragon"
[/ QUOTE ]
Don't suppose offering feedback on Welcome to AE and the Dragon stuff in beta counts? Didn't think so. Revenge is commented upon, as far as I could get.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
I'll throw mine on the pile, I'd love more feedback.
Arc: Romulo and Juliette
ID: 45146
Author: @Rhino Mikali
Level Range: 25-30
I'll put mine up
Arc Name: Red Storm Rising
Arc ID: 4912
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: @mm3squints
Difficulty Level: 40-53
Number of Mission: 5
Estimated Time to Play: 30 min-2 hour
Synopsis: Tension rises after N. Korea launches a missile. Nuclear war may happen can it be stopped?
Link to More Details or Feedback: Can be soloed, but best if team played
Thanks
MA Arc:
Red Typhoon 4912
Akhdar Blood Arc: 247198
Okay, so maybe just growl, and not very professionally at that.
I will review arcs though, and hopefully in such a manner as to give the author all the feedback he or she desires. With that, some general guidelines:
Therefore, I request that after you list your arc in the following standard format:
After that's done, I will review your arc. Note that you don't need to post feedback there if you don't want to - the in-game comment tell will suffice. However, if you use that, please let me know somehow that it's really you, whether by note in the comment, PM, or otherwise.
1. I rate much like Lazarus: 3-stars is radio mission quality, 4 stars is above average, and while 5 stars may or may not be perfect, it does mean I highly recommend it because that arc's just plain-old fun.
2. Fun is a very subjective definition. I'll be judging by mine, which may not be yours, so be aware of that. For you, a defeat all on an outdoor map may be the nonplusultra of CoH - for me (unless there's a really good and deep story reason behind it), it's just a timesink.
3. If I run into an arc that's got a really serious problem - "Grammar? What is this grammar thing you speak of?", every custom critter spams confuse (or smoke grenade, or something else that's just plain annoying) without a good thematic reason, or it;s just plain boring - I will have no second thoughts about not finishing. Period. That said, unless there is a serious problem, I will generally finish to give a complete and detailed opinion.
4. Quid pro quo. I'm doing this for very selfish reasons: I need feedback too.
Arc Name:
Arc ID:
Author:
Number of Missions:
Level Range:
Description:
you give me some feedback on one of the following arcs: "the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz" or "Hunting the Dark Dragon", the feedback thread for which can be found here. Yeah, pretty empty, ain't it?
Now, since both of those are long arcs, I realize it might take some time for people to catch up here. So to see I have something to keep me off my lazy tail in the meantime, the first [u]three[u] people to ask for an arc review get a freebie. One freebie - so if you list 5 arcs, only one you get a review for without giving me feedback.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters