First Week On The Job
So you are some sort of magician? the City Rep enquired. Do you attend childrens parties? Weddings?
Oh no. I just happen to be magically inclined. I think youre missing the point of my business proposal, though. Ariadnee had prepared herself mentally for this. People always misconstrued her point about being a Paranormal detective agency. She was the paranormal one, for the most part, and her clients were regular Joes in need of some assistance.
My caseload consists of everyday, run-of-the-mill enquiries. It is me that is the paranormal one. Ariadnee gave a nervous chuckle.
I see the rep continued to gaze at her clipboard: Ari was unsure whether she really understood at all.
I do occasionally venture into the super area of investigation though. Ari offered. The reps eyes lit up like diamonds.
Ah, now youre talking about a more-familiar field for me. Do you have a portfolio of clients? Any notables in there?
Well, think Ari, think! not at the current time, no. Oh wait, I have helped some new arrivals out of a tight spot, once or twice.
And was that part of one of your investigations? Ariadnee noticed with some discomfort that the rep had begun to scribble notes furiously in the margins.
Actually, it was more a case of, well, hanging around underneath the Atlas statue. You meet some interesting people. Ari laughed again. There was an awkward silence, with an undertone of pen scribbling from the City Rep. Ariadnee clutched the seat of her chair and felt some of the foam underneath disintegrate between her fingers.
After what felt like a lifetime in limbo, the rep looked up from her clipboard and smiled.
On the proviso that there is to be no demon-summoning, blood-letting or any complaints of missing domestic pets in the area, the rep corrected herself mid-sentence apart from those in the course of duty, naturally, Im pleased to grant you a certificate to trade.
Ariadnee almost leapt up from her seat, Oh thank you. I am pleased to hear that. She smiled at the rep.
I will get one of my staffers to draw up the necessary paperwork and issue you with the certificate. Keys are available from the municipal desk; thats through the door opposite the registration desk. We will inspect the property in a months time and rent will be due from that day forwards, every month.
Ari gushed, Thank you again miss.
The rep returned a smile, I wish you all the best in your new venture, Ms. Ariadnee.
The two women shook and Ari clicked her heels all the way to the municipal desk.
***
Well, Argosy street isnt exactly one of the most salubrious locations. But the rents a steal and, considering the presence of Hellions, I should have more than my fair share of missing people to contend with. Ariadnee corrected herself. Well, missing animals anyway.
Ari looked at the small, gold key in her hand and sighed contentedly. She approached the door and put the key in the lock, relishing the click as it turned. The doorjamb creaked a little and she noticed that the paintwork needed a retouch or two.
Oh my word! What is that awful stench?!
A cloud of purple haze shot out of the door and Ari batted a swarm of flies from her hair. The air inside the small room was dank and the light switch appeared to be broken; when Ari flicked the old-fashioned lever a spark flew out and stung her.
Jeez, I know the rent is a steal but this place is a death-trap.
Concentrating for a brief second, Ariadnee muttered a little incantation and a tiny ball of light appeared above her head. She took in the peeling wallpaper, a discarded settee in the corner and a few broken spirit bottles lying in the middle of the floor; the source of the smell was nowhere to be seen. Cautiously picking her way through the debris scattered on the floor, Ari noticed a rotten door half hanging off its hinges at the far end of the room: she made a beeline for it and prepared herself for the worst.
The little light above Aris head flickered in the gloom and grey shadows danced across the wall of the cupboard. As cupboards go it was a good size and Ari let her thoughts drift to what she could make of it, given time and a tin of paint. Then she noticed the droppings on the floor; there were so many that they looked like an Axminster carpet. Ari recoiled from the stench and the light ball flickered again and as she stepped back she heard the crunch of glass and cursed. Eurgh! This place isnt a death-trap, its a toilet. At least Im wearing my boots. The things you put yourself through to make a few bucks, Ari.
Ariadnee held her breath and stormed the cupboard, this time not caring about the droppings on the floor. The ball of light returned to her side and as she looked to the ceiling it rose up, casting long shadows down the walls. Ari concentrated again, this time making herself as light as a feather, and began to ascend. As she did so the stench grew even more powerful and she was forced to exhale or lose her nerve and risk falling into the mire below. How tall is this cupboard anyway? An alien sound to this hellish environ alarmed her. Is that a mewling sound? Oh gods. It is. Some feral cat no doubt ready to scratch me the minute I get close. Then another thought struck her. And whats happening to my light spell? The half-light flickered erratically and a terrible shadow played against the ceiling. As Ariadnee drew level with the top shelf she began to wish she had a camera: right there, playing with the light like it was a ball of wool, was the cutest kitten she had ever seen. Although the stink was approaching unbearable up here, Ariadnee noticed a row of mice and rat carcasses neatly stacked up behind the kittens makeshift home. Well, that explains it then. Little fella here has obviously got quite the stomach on him and needs his food. I wonder where his mother is?
And with that thought, the mother cat pounced onto Aris head, digging her claws in and hissing like a burst water pipe. Ari shrieked and lost her concentration in an instant making the magical light go out and plummeting her to the floor.
Oh shiiii
***
One trip to the local supermarket later and a stop-off at the dry-cleaners (where she got some very odd looks) Ariadnee entered her new business premises. This time she had come prepared: she found the nearest socket and plugged in a desk lamp.
Ah, better. Now where are my two little lodgers? Here puss puss!
Ariadnee proceeded to click her tongue and make odd sucking noises proving that, despite ones usual sensibilities, everyone becomes a gibbering idiot when talking to animals, especially cats. When that activity failed, Ari resorted to some serious, high-level persuasion:
Oh look. How did that get into my bag? My word! Kitty treats! Mmm, they look so nice and tasty. Yum yum!
Ari stopped for a moment Im talking like a nutty old lady. Stop it woman, youre thirty-five years old; youre not ready for this yet. Ariadnee had a Cassandraic vision of herself in forty years time, then dismissed it as hysteria caused by the stink of dead rodents and cat poo.
As she began to tear the cat treat packet with her teeth, the mother cat slinked her way in to the room, casually avoiding the broken glass and oblivious to the detritus collected on her front paws. Although a sleek animal, the mother cat had the eyes of a hunter and she sensed the food before she saw it. Ari felt a small pang of compassion as she imagined what it must have been like, living here in a rotting, tumble-down house, having to hunt for food. The mother cat took a few of the treats into her mouth and bit down, her eyes widening in appreciation. Ariadnee emptied some more onto a safe part of the floor and watched intently as the mother disappeared only to return a minute later from the cupboard holding her only child in her mouth. Mother and son exchanged pleasant mewls and the kitten began to munch happily on the treats in front of him.
Well, its no use standing around watching you two enjoy yourselves. Ive got work to do. Ariadnee produced a dustpan and brush from one of her shopping bags and began to tidy the broken glass on the floor.
***
Ari stood back from her handiwork and admired the mauve paint on the front door. It certainly made the place stand out, and the sign-writer had done a good job of writing PARAGON P.I.B. in gold. All in all, doing up the place had taken the best part of a week: Luckily the lady from the cleaning company had been very understanding about the cupboard;
Oh I see all sorts around here. This area is rife with rats. The sewers are a little closer to ground level here than elsewhere in Atlas Park. Just count yourself lucky, one customer of mine woke up one morning to find an alligator in his bathtub.
And thanks to Paragon being rife with supers, Ari hadnt had to look too far to find a qualified electrician and plumber, although she was surprised when the man who turned up took one look at the wiring, phased his hand through the wall and wrinkled his nose;
Hmmm, looks fine to me miss. You may want to have another look at it next year tho; the fuses are nearly out. Ive done a little welding, no extra charge.
Ariadnee opened the front door and stepped inside. Where once there was a nasty smell, now there was the gentle waft of vanilla and cinnamon from a jostik burning on top of the filing cabinet. Ari had salvaged the settee, which now served as a waiting area and made a small kitchen out of the cupboard in order to serve clients coffee or tea while they regaled her with the gory details. Of course, that was the problem, no customers as yet. She had posted adverts in the Paragon Times and the Atlas Observer and was awaiting some business cards from a printers in Galaxy City. But it was no good: The phone just wasnt ringing.
The cat stalked in from outside, her eyes glowing green in the soft light of the office.
Hello mog. Any business going out there? Ari sat down in her chair and flicked the ball on her executive toy. The cat stalked back out, followed shortly by her charge who seemed to be terribly excited about something; he was miaowing and jumping at shadows and his eyes were as wide as saucers.
Ariadnee drifted off to sleep as it began to rain, ever so lightly, outside. She fell into a warm, comfortable pillow, surrounded by fawning cats and clouds shaped like alligators. Cool breezes touched her cheek and she tasted salt in her dream, as soft, crystal blue waves lapped at her legs
TAP TAP TAP!
Whasig? Ariadnee jumped from her chair, her hair flailing madly.
TAP TAP TAP!
Alright! Im coming. Keep your hair on!
Ari took a deep breath and opened the door: an old woman with fluffy, white hair stood there looking worried.
Are you the detective? the womans voice quivered
Um.. Yes! Yes I am? Do come in! Ariadnee was suddenly all smiles and supplication. Would you like a drink? Tea, or coffee perhaps?
Oh yes. That would be good. Funny, I never expected a woman. The old woman was distant, obviously deeply troubled by something, so Ariadnee let her off that last one.
Do take a seat, then you can explain all about it. Ariadnee fussed with the kettle then sensed a beginning and turned to the old woman.
Well, Im looking for my cat
.
- Croydon's lovely.
))
