Bad news

I just found out that my mom has about 2 months to live, due to cancer. I have told some people this already that she has cancer. But I just wanted to let the rest of the community know, and why I have not been on much, I might even be on less because of this.

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Oh, LSK, I am so sorry to hear it. My heart goes out to you and your family. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best.

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So very sorry to hear this LSK. Completely understandable if you decide to take time away from the game to be with your family.

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I'll second what both Impish Kat and Callie said.

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Throwing darts at the board to see if something sticks.....

Come show your resolve and fight my brute!
Tanks: Gauntlet, the streak breaker and you!

Sorry to hear it LSK, best wishes to you and your family. Family comes first, do what you have to to help them during this time.

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It's times like this that I really wish I actually had my Empath powers...

So sorry to hear this news. Spend as much time together as you can, we'll still be here when your ready to return.

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I'm really sorry, LSK. I wish the best for you and your family. If you ever need an open ear I'd be more than willing to offer one.

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That sucks, LSK.

My dad also fought against cancer. If you ever need to talk or to have someone listen and understand, you know how to reach me in game and on the boards.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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Sorry to hear the news. Hope things are as easy as possible for your mom in a real crappy situation.

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I am very sorry.

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I'm so sorry, LSK. My thoughts are with you and your family now. I've been through it before and it's never easy. Focus on spending time with her and the rest of your family right now.

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"Live every week like it's Shark Week" - Tracy Jordan

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Spend less time in the game during the time left, and more time with her. I'm sure everyone here understands, and would encourage you to.

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Thanks folks the only problem with that is My mom lives in another town far from me and I am currently car less. But tomorrow I am going to go see her and spend most of the day with her.

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Sorry to hear that LSK :/

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I am so very sorry to hear LSK. You and your family are in my thoughts and it's my hope you all are able to spend as much time as you are able with her.

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I'm so sorry to hear this LSK. I'll keep you all in my thoughts.

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Stay strong for your family. We'll be here... you need to take more time with your family.

Plus, check this option out... I know people personally who have benefited from it in similar times.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johanna_Budwig
http://www.thebudwigdiet.com/

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Member: Mutant Force Five, Chaos Legion & Team Awesome

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, LSK.

-8-

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LSK, please accept my deepest sympathies to you, and to your family.

Having lost my mother, and many other family members and friends, to cancer over the years (I am an older player), and being a cancer survivor myself, I understand exactly what you and yours are going through.

If this is the prognosis for a sudden discovery of an advanced cancer, rather than the final news about a long term, ongoing condition, you may wish to seek multiple opinions.

I realize, LSK, that it is presumptuous of me, as a stranger, to give any advice on so sensitive a topic. But knowing what I know now, and being certain that some of my friends and loved ones would still be with me if they had just not given up on hearing the word cancer, or had had the benefit of better advice in seeking advanced care, I am going to present you with some ideas which you may wish to share with your family. Without knowing your mother's age or other health issues, and considering that the total picture might preclude anything I have to offer being of any help, I hope you will take these thoughts in the spirit they are offered, and if things truly are beyond any hope, will forgive me for rehashing what you and your loved ones may have already done. I also realize that this might have been better said in a private message, but this information may help some others and I would like it to be available to them.

There are aggressive and experimental procedures out there that not every physician is aware of. Also many specialists, of necessity, to stay current in their own particular field, just don't have the time to be aware of all the breakthroughs in other forms of treatment. By this I mean that a Chemotherapy focused Oncologist may not be aware of the full potential of, for example, the Proton Beam treatment in the Radiation Oncology field. There were only a handful of those machines in the whole of the U. S. A. when I researched my cancer. While I did not wind up getting proton beam treatment, research into that therapy helped lead me to my eventual doctor and treatment option. To be blunt, surgeons will almost always offer a surgical solution as your best option, radiation guys offer radiation, and chemo docs will favor chemo, and a few will suggest a mix where that has already been found to be a superior Proven therapy.

My Urologist was sure my best option was surgery, since I was so young for a prostate cancer patient, even though I was already morbidly obese from other illnesses that had severely limited my ability to exercise. I would have been classed as a Very High risk patient if I had elected surgery. My research also showed that people with my weight issues had some definite long-term magnified chances for prostate cancer surgery specific complications, ie: diapers for life. Now, the flip side is that after surgical excision of the prostate there is NO chance that prostate cancer will come back, at least not in the prostate gland. Since I still have a prostate gland there is a risk. As a relatively young survivor I will face that risk for a much longer period, unless my others conditions kill me first, which formed a part of my choice to accept that risk and not have surgery. My point is you and your family must become highly informed about the specific condition you face to balance the various suggestions you will receive.

For some cancers there are Only experimental options and many doctors, for whatever reason, simply will not mention them even if they have heard of them. If your Only options ARE experimental and thus not covered by insurance, many experimental treatments have funding to assist people so as to get volunteers for that treatment. This can be a huge win-win for people Without insurance. And such programs are often restricted to only those with advanced cancers as they are the most in need. When I was looking for options, the Proton Beam therapy was like that. Even if I had chosen it I would have had a devil of a time getting any one to let me into their program as my cancer, though agressive, was detected very early.

I would suggest you visit the web sites of the premier Cancer Research hospitals and look for specific treatment programs for the cancer you need to fight. Be sure to look for both regular treatments and also those in the research stage. Some leading hospitals are:

Memorial Sloan-Kettering: http://www.mskcc.org/mskcc/html/44.cfm

Johns-Hopkins Hospital: http://hopkinsmedicine1.reachlocal.com

University of Texas, M. D. Anderson Cancer Center: http://www.mdanderson.org/
(My sister lives in the Houston area and my Mom, other family, and friends have stayed with her while undergoing treatment at M.D. Anderson, the #1 rated cancer treatment center from the list below, and the other hospitals of the worlds largest medical center - Texas Medical Center: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...r_institutions)

Dana-Farber Cancer Institute: http://www.dana-farber.org/

Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/

There are many others. This links to a recent list: http://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/rankings/cancer

If you do happen upon a therapy you did not know about, the particular doctor you need, who is focused on treating the specific cancer you face, may not be at a hospital that is at the top of the list, or any listed hospital. For instance my Radiation Oncologist is associated with the Methodist Hospitals group here in Dallas, which is # 45 on the linked list.

I was extraordinarily lucky that Dr. Arve Gillette had just relocated to the Dallas area when I was first diagnosed with an aggressive prostate cancer. He happened to be the former Chairman and was/is now the Chairman Emeritus of the American College of Radiation Oncology, and one of his focuses was not only prostate cancer, but the specific treatment type I was interested in. I was blessed in that my cancer was detected early and I had the time to track this man down. I spoke to multiple doctors and hospital/nursing staff, and read two books on prostate cancer to reach the decision as to what treatment would give me the best chance to not only survive, but have a reasonable quality of life after treatment. I was only 52 when diagnosed, and my outcome was very good.

Some treatments are neccesarily devastating and that is a consideration that must enter into any decision, as I discussed above. I saw that devastation firsthand with my mother, who developed an immune system induced paresthesia when her body attacked her nerves when the cancer was no longer there to fight. But the extra 3 years she lived after treatment for advanced small cell lung cancer were terribly precious to our family.

LSK, here are a bunch of what I hope are other helpful tips, in no particular order.

• I also suggest you visit the NIH (National Institute of Health) site for the particular type or family of types of cancer your Mom is facing.
• Try to find any National organizations dedicated to that specific cancer. Ditto for support groups for that type of cancer.
• Look at the various Medical Specialty organizations for the different cancer treatment disciplines such as the American College of Radiation Oncology I mentioned earlier, and other similar Boards and Colleges for chemo etc.
• There are really new things happening that are perhaps not even catagorized yet. Stem cell work, genetically tailored chemo, there are treatments that involve freezing the tumor(s) and more. I am no longer current on all this stuff, being cancer free for now, but information will be out there if you dig.
• City-wide and State-wide magazine polls and/or Doctor voted lists of Top Docs, Best Doctors, etc. They are certainly not entirely objective but my wife and I have both found them useful. Both having faced multiple major illnesses, and after getting stuck with a couple of what I can only charitably describe as duds early on with simple referrals, we now ALWAYS look for consensus local champs when seeking a Second Opinion or choosing a Specialists to interview. Ask everyone you can for first-hand experience of any doctor that you find that way. It may surprise you how many people have a friend or family member that sees that doc. And I do mean interview. As the patient my wife and I take the attitude that WE have the power, and you should too. We don't flaunt it but we go in to see a new doctor with a critical eye. We always go together to a new doctor or specialist, too.
• When sizing up a new doctor, pay particular attention to his staff. A kickass staff of quick, courteous, obviously competent assistants says a LOT. Give them a leading comment like 'Dr. so-n-so sure seems good-smart-really up on his stuff-whatever'. Often the nurse or other staff will fall over themselves to tell you what a great doctor he is, how lucky they are to be working for him, and how much he helped THEM. We have found an amazing number of really top-notch Doctors have at least some staff that originally had their first contact with the doctor as patients. I have to say I hope that none of those reading this ever have enough experience to get as good as we feel we have become at sizing up new doctors.
• Ask people you know locally or in your area if any of them have faced or know someone who has faced a similar cancer. We have found or confirmed very good doctors that way, too.
• The Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I talked with them at length, and while I did not choose them for therapy, they did mail me a large packet of highly useful information. This is the organization that advertises nationwide and some find that distasteful, I am sure. But they were not high pressure, at least not with me, and I favor using every resource you can locate.
• Herbal medicine. I also read a third book giving all-natural types of treatments and remedies for prostate cancer. I use some of the supplements suggested as part of my aftercare. There may be herbal or other natural supplements that would have efficacy in treating or relieving your Mom's symptoms.
• Prayer. I know of a few documented instances of advanced cancer where people with a strong spiritual foundation and loving church affiliations have organized prayer groups and round the clock prayer circles, etc. There are such things as spontaneous remissions, for whatever reason.
• If you do decide to get treatment, don't be afraid to look up your doctors, and hospital or treatment center at the various public rating and grading services. When my wife had to have part of her intestines removed for a blockage/possible cancer tumor recently, we learned that the closest local major hospital, where we might normally have sought treatment, had the lowest rating out of thirty listed in the Dallas/Ft Worth area for that particular type of surgery. Oddly enough the Gastro-Enterologist and Surgeon we had already found for her using the top docs technique mentioned above were both associated with the number one rated hospital for the same type of procedure on that same hospital grading service. Curiously, that same local hospital whose Gastro Surgery rating was worst has a Day Surgery center that is among the top rated, and when my wife had to have a breast tumor excised and biopsied, they were great.

LSK, I don't know if any of this will help find your family a ray of hope, but if your family does choose to seek extended life, I hope these ideas help.

Jak

I see that this post has gotten ridiculously long and has entirely too much information about me and my family when it should be focused on You and Yours, LSK.

I have written as I did, and am leaving everything in, to demonstrate that the ideas I am sharing are hard won and based on real experience. More and much more painful, experience than I have mentioned. Your trial has touched the hottest of hot buttons with me LSK, and I find I must complete the circle and share one final thought.

I hope none of the physicians involved in your mother's care are the type of old time doctor that puffs up if questioned, or resents a patient that seeks a second opinion or alternative therapy. This type of antiquated attitude is still out there, along with the patient attitude that Doctor's are semi-divine and NOT to be questioned. If going on 60 years has taught me anything about health care it is that the medical profession is full of, surprise, human beings. They are mortal, fallible, good, and bad people.

Some, perhaps most, are shining examples of professional concern and integrity, with a real calling to heal. But some are money-grubbing revolving door treatment salesmen who will hustle you off their table and out of their office if there is no money to made from your affliction. I had a guy exactly like that as my first doctor on major illness number two. The fact that severe endolymphatic hydrops had left me practically unable to walk was of no interest to him. His advice - "Get used to it, it might get better with time." When I mentioned possibly getting a hearing aid for the one ear that had major hearing loss from the same condition, it was like I had waved bacon in front of a Schnauzer. Woof. I had a handful of brochures in nothing flat. He was the last doctor I or my wife ever consulted by a blind referral.

My second otolaryngologist, found after an extensive search, had testing equipment that checked my balance function IN his office, and a Vestibular Rehabilitation Physical Therapist ON his staff. She spent several weeks teaching me how to walk again, so now all I need is a stick.

Some other doctors are over educated ego maniacs that know they are better educated, and certainly much better educated about medicine, than you are or ever will be. They Pronounce, but never inform or explain. Their idea is not only the best idea, but the Only Idea. The Surgery profession is rife with this type as, I suppose, it does take a really confident person to cut other people open day after day. Once again I could tell stories.

With the possible exception of a surgeon who you have verified as being a whizz by other means, or some other doctor whose reputation is literally nationally famous and beyond question, I would tell anyone with any disease to drop a God Complex doctor instantly and find someone who has the time to answer your questions and concerns, if only briefly. Find a doctor who cheerfully welcomes and encourages second opinions. One who pushes you to become involved in the selection of treatment options. Something you do or did because you felt it was the right move will always be a comfort to your mind, even if the outcome is not good, and wise modern doctors know this.

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I'm sorry to hear that, LSK and I wish you all the best as can be.

Jak, thank you. That is an amazing post and I felt tempted to offer a tiny bit of advice found within your well detailed post as well (but you've worded it all perfectly).
On behalf of anyone and everyone who can benefit from it, thanks for sharing all of that. And I agree completely with your advice. And I thought you worded your introduction perfectly as we can't know all the details involved over there, but just in case it helps, it is best to share whatever you can in kindness.

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Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle. http://www.fhcrc.org/

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Throwing darts at the board to see if something sticks.....

Come show your resolve and fight my brute!
Tanks: Gauntlet, the streak breaker and you!

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Being there for your mom is the best thing you can do. I lost my brother to Lymphoma a couple years back and know what you are going through. I cherish the time I was able to spend with him at the end hard as they were.

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Again thanks for all your concern unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about it. The cancer is wrapped around her liver and its in its final stage.

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