Eating Breakfast in Praetoria

You have tried to walk the line between good and evil in Praetoria. However the path can hard to walk sometimes. Now you are faced with the most difficult choices of all. Can you successfully eat Breakfast in Praetoria?????

Eating Breakfast in Praetoria


Start Here
Its morning at the Power Division in Praetoria.
If you decide to skip Breakfast go to 1.
If you decide to go out to eat go to 2.
If you decide to use your science to make breakfast go to 3.
If you use your magic to make breakfast go to 4.
If you decide to abuse Power Division equipment to make breakfast go to 5.
If you decide to resist Breakfast go to 6.

1) The Power Divison Good Breakfast team has shown up to make you eat Breakfast. Candy Apple, Crab Rangoon, The Scrapple, Medium Rare, Killing Machine Snugglebuns and the Desert Fork are all holding their weapons pointed at you. If you beat them in combat go to 7. If you agree to have a cup of coffee or tea then go to 8

2) You are at the Cafe Facemaker. If you decide to cram down a lot of food go to 9. If you carefully look around trusting no one go to 10.

3) You almost have everything you want for breakfast but you need some more juice. Use your resistance equipment to power your breakfast maker go to 11. Use your loyalist equipment to make breakfast go to 12.

4) Your straining your magic a bit to make your breakfast. If you give it your all to finish summoning breakfast then go to 13. If you skip the hard part go to 14

5) You have a 2000 gigawatt generator, Nuclear Thermal Subatomic Death Heat Ray, Flaming Techno Sword, Lightning Projector, and Frying Pan. Something seem missing. Fashion a set of knives from Samurai Swords thought lost from the 12th century go to 15 . Get a small cup with a tiny umbrella in it for juice go to 16

6) What part of breakfast do you resist? If Greasy bacon and crunchy hash browns go to 17 . If its the oatmeal and unpleasant Bran Muffin go to 18

7)You defeat all these weaklings in combat. In one last halfheatred effort they all beseech you to at least drink a Breakfast Smoothee. However you defeat them all and then pour the Breakfast Smoothee all over them before leaving. You have earned the Death to Smoothee Badge!

8) You drink the cup of hot caffeinated glory and you see the Good Breakfast Team smiling. While you were not looking The Scrapple put some powdered Power Division Aid into your drink. This is a blend of Steroids, Growth Hormones, Vitamin B1, Gingseng, Corn Syrup, and Genetically Altered Salmon. This is guaranteed for a good Power Division Breakfast. However it interacts with your powers. You grow to the size of a small building but your mind degrades to a mindless Brute. You are put on special Power Division Duty and are used in Riot Duty and ride on Floats during Tyrant Cole Appreciation Day. You have earned the Cole-lossal Badge

9) You encounter the Clockwork Sam1Am who offers you a plate of Soy Eggs and Ham. If you wish to try Soy Eggs and Ham go to 19. If you wish to pull off Sam1Am's arm and beat him with it go to 20.

10) You notice that after the customers leave the left over food crawls off the plate and heads back to the kitchen. You quickly decide to grab a power bar at the Quick Mart. You have earned the Vahilzok, Breakfast of Champions Badge

11) When you power up your cooking equipment you notice the food seems to be bland. This has attracted the attention of the villainous Black Pepper Lanterns, a group of undead heros and villains armed with Black Pepper Mills, who attack the living at mediocre restaraunts and place small amounts of pepper on their meals. The Black Pepper Lanterns overwhelm you and continue to grind out pepper on your Breakfast. Finally in one last desperate attack you use your powers to obliterate them. Then you find out the meal does taste better but you still stiff them on the tip. You have earned the Black Pepper Lantern Badge!

12) Your signal attracts the Clockwork Sam1Am who offers you a plate of Soy Eggs and Ham. If you wish to try Soy Eggs and Ham go to 19. If you wish to pull off Sam1Am's arm and beat him with it go to 20.

13) You have used to much magic and have punched the fabric of reality. Your attempt to create a delicous Omelete with magic has changed the Clockworks into half chicken half robots. These are now known as Cluckworks. The omelet is ok but you can taste some machine oil in it. You have earned the Cluckworks Badge!

14) Summoning a full breakfast was way too hard. Instead you summon a box of Cole-Cole Puffs and some milk. The box is missing the prize which is on purpose. It frustrates the resistance but Loyalists know the true prize is the benevolent rule of Marcus Cole. Loyalists do not need a badge either. Pbbbbbt!

15) Your incredible device creates the most delicous breakfast known to man. A bowl of Honey Coles. Suddenly you and your breakfast are teleported to the most secret place in all Praetoria, the Honey Cole Hideout. Scowling at you is Tyrant Cole. He nearly screams in your face asking "Honey Coles Big?". You yell back "Yeah Yeah Yeah". Then he stares at you with a piercing gaze that could kill 100 Hamidons. In deathly silence he quietly says "Its not small?". You reply "No No No". You have become part of the Honey Cole Hideout. You get a big delicious breakfast of Cole-Slaw, Cole-rabi, Honey Cole Cereal, and a Pina Cole-ada. You become a guard there and sometimes wipe drool or milk of Tyrant Cole's chin. You have earned the Honey Cole Hideout Badge!

16) You breakfast is good but could be better. Later on you stop at the Cole-Stone Creamery to get some ice cream to make up for that missing part of breakfast. The approved Loyalists mixins are Raisins, Kiwi Fruit, and Cloves. You get the I Overpaid for Ice Cream Badge!

17) Its a tough job but you resist that crunchy delicous crispy bacon and hash browns. You notice a bar code hidden on the bacon. You sieze the bacon to show the resistance but on the way there it breaks into bits. You warn them how the Loyalists are using bacon to mind wipe people. They laugh and call you crazy. But you know the greasy crunchy truth! You get the Bacon Bane Badge!

18) This breakfast sucks so you grab some nuts and eat them out of a shot glass on the way to Power Division. Civilians see this and start imitating you. Soon the "Nut Shot" is the hottest breakfast in Praetoria. People can't wait for their morning nut shots. Even Clockwork start carrying plastic nuts to pretend to be part of the craze. You have earned the Bob Saget Badge!

19) I do I do I like Soy Eggs and Ham.I will eat them in a hole. I will eat them with Tyrant Cole. I will eat them with a Ghoul. I will eat them using Tools. Your rhyming continues until you are drive mad and you spend your remaining days as a mental patient trying to find rhymes for "I would eat them on the street". You get the Something's Wrong with this Boy Badge!

20) "I will not eat these Sam1Am. I will not eat Soy Eggs and Ham. I will beat you with your arm. I will hurt you I will harm. I will not eat them while I cough. I will not try them your leg came off. Take these back from where you came. You better hurry before I aim". The android runs off with its plate of bad food. You stop off a get a cup of coffe. You have earned the Let the Rhyme fit the Crime Badge!

Awsome!

Do you eat Breakfast?

Loyalist: Consume the most important meal of the day and praise Emperor Cole for such delicious eggs.

Resistance: Bomb a hospital.

I like eating breakfast at Seer 925's restaurant. She always knows what I want.

Alternate joke:

Why are you skipping breakfast? Don't you know how hard I worked to cook that meal just for you? MOTHER LOVES YOU.

I think... I am in awe. That's just plain hilarious. I read it to my husband who doesn't even play COH, but has heard my rants RE: Praetoria and watched over my shoulder as I played.

Even he laughed.

Hangedman, you are a demented genius and I want to have your babies.

Steele, leave your husband and have my babies. (Technically they'll be Hanged's, but it's community property.)

This forum needs more choose your own adventure posts. So I decree.

Take a look at my skillet
Cos it's the only one I've got
Not much of a skillet
Never seems to get that hot

Take a jumbo egg and crack it
Like to see Paragon
See the girls in kitty costumes
I'm hoping it's going to come true
But there's not a lot I can do

Could we have kippers for breakfast
Mother dear, Mother dear
They've got to have them in Talos
Because everyone's a millionaire

I'm a chomper, I'm a goner
Do you want my papers, please
I'm a loser, what a joker
I'm playing my jokes upon you
While Cole's got better to do

Don't you look at my skill set (skill set)
For it's the only one I got
Well not much of a skill set (skill set)
They never seem to kill a lot
(What you got? Not a lot)

Take a portal cross the border
Like to see Paragon
See the girls in kitty costumes
I'm hoping it's going to come true
But there's not a lot I can do

*glares at TheHangedMan as she cleans milk off her monitor and her desk*

Damn you... made me laugh so that milk spewed all over the place.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

I heard that Emperor Cole eats breakfast 300 yards from 4,000 Resistance fanatics that are trained to kill him, so don't think for a second that you can enter Praetoria, flash your veteran badge count...

...and make him nervous.

Very clever! Thanks for sharing this.