Will definitely think this over, Zamuel. I'm pretty sure you've run some of mine already, though, right? Wrong?
I'm out of signature space! Arcs by Tubbius of Justice are HERE: http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showthread.php?t=218177
I'm giving this some thought too; probably one of the biggest things holding me back is my limited time to game, I've been working on my last arc for over a month, little changes and additions here and there instead of big blasts of time to get it done.
Quote:
I've run Foxhunt and Hammer and Sickle. I also know you've run at least one of my arcs but I forget which one. I think you ran Rider's Ribs.|
Originally Posted by Tubbius
I'm pretty sure you've run some of mine already, though, right?
|
Anyway, those curious about my methods and madness can look at the way I did things with the original thread: http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showt...light=handyman
The process fluctuated quite a bit before I settled in on some things, I actually had a few typos that make me cringe as I re-read the thread, and I was still sorta new to the game so there was a fair bit of "this map is new and awesome!" when I ran things. Some of the arcs there may have stood the test of time better than others but I urge people to try them out if you see something you like or even if you see something you think you could help the author improve on.
Im kinda stuck on how to improve my arc and would love the Handyman's help.
I will play a few of your arcs this evening.
My arc is #381565
@1st. Son
Help Agent Martin in: A Favor for Liberty
AE arc #381565
My 1st. Video: Agent Martin in the new tutorial zone.
Overview
A rather interesting critique I have is with your title. I was sitting there going "Where have I heard of Meagan Duncan before?" until I realized that was Ms Liberty's real name which was confirmed by loading up the arc and seeing her. It seems odd in that using her name in such a way would invoke the concept of this being a more personal arc though it didn't turn out that way. All the other major heroes/villains use their alias instead of their birth name (Tamura Shirai Strike Force?). Sort of nitpicky but just throwing it out there. There seems to be three options here:
- Ignore me. Which is fair since I can be an oddball at times.
- Alter it to be the Miss Liberty TF.
- Leave it as is and tweak the arc to have a more personal feel. I like this one since if handled right, it can add a nice bit of story depth. For instance, the Longbow Agent you rescue has her name as Sandra in her bio. Perhaps tweak Lib's dialouge to overtly hoping she's okay as opposed to her being just another (disposable) soldier.
Some of your humor and experimentation works and some doesn't. /dropremote and officially calling Ms Liberty's message to you a [Tell] seem mildly immersion breaking. However, I like her little spiel as if she's a trainer at the start and the green and red countdown timer on the bomb was a nice touch. I like the optional civilians to rescue in the first mission. Something else you did was a recap. This works well with canon arcs since they delete the previous clues. In MA, it tends to make the list of clues a bit Wall of Text-ish and doesn't seem as needed since arcs are generally done all in one sitting.
Were some of your allies based on other people? I kept getting this vibe that I was missing something when I met some of them. I more or less went "Quien es?" when I met Sister Flame. I didn't know who she was from the bio and many other probably won't either. Also, was Electra-Las supposed to be Electra-Lass? Seemed like an odd spelling there.
I happened to read Glazius' review of your arc and agree with a lot of what he says as far as chained objectives not really working in your favor, especially since most of your maps are outdoors. Scaling back the chains and/or making some optional should do a fair amount to help your arc. There's a number of places where you have to find three of something but it would be better to just go ahead and combine them into just one glowy and play with the text a bit.
For mission 1, I'd change the Midnighter from Escort to Captive so you don't have to worry about problems with leading him out (and the immersion breaking message that accompanies it). Supposedly I17 will let us lead to objectives so maybe an escort would work there, otherwise a captive is better. Make the end boss optional and make the Midnighter and his car non-chained from each other but perhaps have them chained off of rescuing the Longbow Agent. At least have him chained but the car is open since realistically you might just stumble on it. A simple "Protect public property" rename for the objective should suffice and tweak the clue to not assume a set order.
Mission 2, and a lot of the arc to be honest, sort of falls into "I see what you were going for but..." territory. It's supposedly a set piece to show how much the gang war is escalating and introduce you to an ally or two you meet later. However, it might be best to scrap the mission as a whole and incorporate parts of it later on in the arc. It allows the arc to flow a bit more freely and possibly open up some writing space.
Because I can, I'm going to skip Mission three for a sec and got to Mission 4. Unlike Glazius I think this mission should be kept with changes since the plot point works with the Hellions' master plan but the mechanics need to be tweaked. Remove the getaway car and make the corrupt officer optional. From there, make Destroyer and the security computer non-chained but both required. Add a few PPD versus Hellion battles and all should be good.
Back to Mission 3...what kind of inspirations did Drake use and where can I buy them?
Trained in the art of the Two Shot Shuriken of Death, he was wrecking fools. But alas, Drake is not needed for the plot at all so...can I have his stuff? Likewise, the phone can probably stand to be removed since while it makes for a nice tie in to the popup, it otherwise has no point. However, there is a suggestion due to that. In some of my arcs I use a clickie as way to summon an optional ally to help you. Tying into your minor plot point about losing cell phone reception, use that as the way to call in your allies instead of triggering them off the enemies.Parts of the plot start heating up here with the Circle's involvement and the magic Superadyne. Split some of your plot points from mission two and funnel them into here. Perhaps have Electra-Lass be your backup here using the phone idea?
Mission 2 gives me an interesting idea for mission 5. Alright, you've got this big knockdown, drag out fight in Perez which is good thematically but chained objectives + outdoor map don't get along. Furthermore, CoT pop up to go "lol Hellions" without their own part of the plot being resolved. You're presented with a few options here.
- Add the CoT boss here. Might seem a bit rushed but it closes out the plot without making the arc too long.
- Add a mission after this featuring CoT. This is probably far better since it should smooth things out a bit with more plot room.
- Or, something more unconventional...
Alrighty, Perez is supposedly War Walled off from people entering. Villains sneak in...but how? Then it hit me, the Sewer Network. This led to the idea of revamping the last mission from a reactionary showdown in Perez to a slightly more proactive attempt to head them off as they are heading to Perez by using the Office to Sewer transition maps. It has less thematic umph than a Perez showdown but as an indoor map it's less likely to make you want to stab your MA accolade since the spawn points are more controllable. With that you could add ArchWroth here or you could follow it up with a quick mission on a Small or even Tiny sewer map. The bomb plot could be moved to this mission so that the bombs can be disarmed with clickes as opposed to punching them.
You had a fair amount of errors in grammar structure in your arc. Usually this is the point where I go over all of the typos in the arc. However, I'm only going to do mission 1 as an example since I think you may be making changes to the rest. Mainly, you used Enter too many times and you neglected spaces after punctuation.
Spelling/Grammar
---M1 briefing
Oh wait,<player>, I apologize for getting stuck in routine matters.
I Have a task that I'm sure you can handle.
The last few days the Hellions have been Causing more trouble than usual. We know that terrorizing civilians,destroying public property, and arson are their normal activites.
However,in the last 48 hours those actions have increased drastically.
It has been reported that one was seen talking to a Circle of Thorns Mage.
Something big must be brewing to bring the Circle of Thorns to Atlas.
I need you to hit the streets and see what they are up to.
should be
Oh wait, <player>, I apologize for getting stuck in routine matters. I have a task that I'm sure you can handle.
The last few days the Hellions have been causing more trouble than usual. We know that terrorizing civilians, destroying public property, and arson are their normal activites. However, in the last 48 hours those actions have increased drastically. It has been reported that one was seen talking to a Circle of Thorns Mage. Something big must be brewing to bring the Circle of Thorns to Atlas.
I need you to hit the streets and see what they are up to.
---M1 sendoff
I knew the <sg> wouldn't let me down.
The Hellions activity seem to be concentrated on the East side of Atlas in Hyperion Way.
I sent one of my Longbow Agents to patrol this area,
Find Her and see what intel she's uncovered.
should be
I knew the <sg> wouldn't let me down.
The Hellions activity seems to be concentrated on the East side of Atlas in Hyperion Way. I sent one of my Longbow Agents to patrol this area. Find her and see what intel she's uncovered.
---M1 popup
The sounds of gang activity along with the cries and screams of frightened citizens is heard throughout the area.A quick scan of your surroundings tells you this block desperately needs your attention.
should be
The sounds of gang activity along with the cries and screams of frightened citizens is heard throughout the area. A quick scan of your surroundings tells you this block desperately needs your attention.
---Pedestrian clue 1
There was a large group of Skulls near the Perez Park entrance. They look like they are ready for a war.
I overheard one say they are waiting for reenforcements before beginning the attack on the Hellions.
should be
There was a large group of Skulls near the Perez Park entrance. They look like they are ready for a war.
I overheard one say they are waiting for reinforcements before beginning the attack on the Hellions.
---Rescue
longbow Agent: Thank you <player>,I had just rescued a man that was on his way to talk with Azuria,Where did he go?
should be
Longbow Agent: Thank you <player>, I had just rescued a man that was on his way to talk with Azuria. Where did he go?
-Ms Liberty's Longbow Agent clue
The Hellions are trashing his car,
I must have lost sight of him when we were surrounded.
I barely got him out in time. He said he needed to retrieve an object from his glove box. I guess he slipped away to get what ever it was.
Lets make sure he's safe.
should probably be
The Hellions were trashing his car and I barely got him out in time. I must have lost sight of him when we were surrounded. He said he needed to retrieve an object from his glove box. I guess he slipped away to get whatever it was. Lets make sure he's safe.
---dialouge
Evan Williams: I was taking an item to Azuria when the gang attacked me, will you find my vehicle and recover it?
should be
Evan Williams: I was taking an item to Azuria when the gang attacked me. Will you find my vehicle and recover it?
---M1 outro
Well done <player> This information and the intel my Longbow agent collected confirms a dreaded event.
We have documented many reports of Hellions gaining supernatural abilities,but the discovery of this artifact seems a little out of their league.
The Midnighters said the sources we're talking about are so Arcane and Ancient they're almost Primal.
It seems the Hellions are causing distractions to hide the fact they are looking for this Artifact,which could tip the scales in their battle with the Skulls.
The Hellion/Skull war in Perez Park has reached a stalemate.
It seems the Hellions have found an edge to cut through this stalemate and much more.
Fledgling chapters of Skulls have been reported from time to time in Atlas Park,but you encountered more than that.
You battled full blown Skull raid teams.
It seems the Skulls caught wind of the Hellions plans.
They are now trying to counter this with an invasion of Atlas to advance their position. We'll have Azuria check this item out.
should be
Well done <player> This information and the intel my Longbow agent collected confirms a dreaded event. We have documented many reports of Hellions gaining supernatural abilities, but the discovery of this artifact seems a little out of their league. The Midnighters said the sources we're talking about are so Arcane and Ancient they're almost Primal.
It seems the Hellions are causing distractions to hide the fact they are looking for this Artifact, which could tip the scales in their battle with the Skulls. The Hellion/Skull war in Perez Park has reached a stalemate. It seems the Hellions have found an edge to cut through this stalemate and much more.
Fledgling chapters of Skulls have been reported from time to time in Atlas Park but you encountered more than that. You battled full blown Skull raid teams.
It seems the Skulls caught wind of the Hellions plans. They are now trying to counter this with an invasion of Atlas to advance their position. We'll have Azuria check this item out.
Ok I had a go at your 'Illpracticed Malpractice' arc#246459 and submitted a reveiw on CoHMR. Any luck it won't be too long in the moderators hands and you can read it soon.
The arc of mine I would like you to look at is 'Salvage Rights' arc#366579. I recently made tweaks and im hoping it's done it's part to implement suggestions made by others as well as solve a couple of issues that originally affected the arc. Your input would be greatly appreciated.
Overview
So I go to load this up and notice the description says that the last update is "28/4/10" April 28? -glances at calendar- Did he time travel? Not time travel! Noooooooooo!!! -curls up in a ball-
Oh, it's probably just a typo. Onwards then.
The arc was pretty structurally sound and had very few typos. However, there's an issue of "feel". While I like a good comedy as much as the next, it seemed a smidge too aimed towards humor as opposed to the Drama tag it had listed. Considering this is an anti-super hate group, I'm really not seeing enough actual hate. Since your arc is already structurally sound, tweaking the dialouge would go a long way towards increasing their perceived threat level. Similarly, I'd move the Fusionette rescue farther back into the mission so that there's a bit more tension in saving her. However, a little snark may work in places, so it'll take going over it to see what feels natural.
The destructables had enemies saying their text twice. Would be better to either cut out one of the two entirely or tweak it so it's a conversation between the Blackshirts.
A few points seemed like they could be very slightly more elaborated. Mission 4 didn't give a timer warning until after the mission started. I don't think Spanner was named when I met her, just listed as Blackshirt Kitbasher. You mission exit popups were rather dry. On the flipside, some things were over described. The mob bios were very long but I don't think it was needed. The Medic's bio was roughly half the length but still gave the vital info. What I'd suggest here would be to shorten all the bios but have Borea give the player a Start of Mission Clue that's a dossier about what they've learned about the group at the start of mission 2.
Enemy visual design was nice but the Instigator didn't give any XP. It's possible you already knew this and regardless you should be able to remedy it when I17 hits and allows better powerset control.
Spelling/Grammar
Guilt by association. remove period from clue title for consistancy
--Mission 3
Blackshirt Kitbasher: Where the hell is the rest of my troops? should be Blackshirt Kitbasher: Where the hell are the rest of my troops? <- grammatical error
--Mission 4 intro
We will use one of our choppers to drop you onto the cargo ship. Your job will be to plant a small number of explosive devices in key areas on the ship. Once in place we will detonate the explosives will cause enough hull damage to force the vessel to come to a full stop, but not enough to sink her or destroy her cargo. Hopefully you can cripple the ship before it hits international waters.
Once the ship is stopped it's just a case of waiting on the Navy who are despatching a Frigate to secure the vessel. Although while you are waiting you might want to see about capturing this Loot character. It seems he is the salvage operation's head honcho, and he already has a rap sheet that is a mile long.
should be
We will use one of our choppers to drop you onto the cargo ship. Your job will be to plant a small number of explosive devices in key areas on the ship. Once in place we will detonate the explosives which will cause enough hull damage to force the vessel to come to a full stop, but not enough to sink her or destroy her cargo. Hopefully you can cripple the ship before it hits international waters.
Once the ship is stopped it's just a case of waiting on the Navy who are dispatching a Frigate to secure the vessel. Although while you are waiting you might want to see about capturing this Loot character. It seems he is the salvage operation's head honcho, and he already has a rap sheet that is a mile long. <- rewording, typo
--Mission 4 outro
$name I salute you. should be $name, I salute you. <- comma
Thanks for checking out my arc. The stuff you picked up on is the sort of things I would have a difficult time picking up on myself so I really appreciate those pointers.
On the issue of Instigators not giving xp I am fully aware. They are currently using the Thugs set for dual pistols, and because I removed the summoning powers they count as nil at the moment. Of course once I17 hits I will be changing that, and have already been testing a new build for them in I17 Beta. Lucky enough they only rarely spawn so are not too much an issue at the moment.
As for Spanners not being named, I think that was due to an edit I missed. Due to lack of file space I was forced to use one of my standard Kitbasher models. That too will be rectified in I17.
The whole anti-meta thing not being present enough is also something I plan to look into. I think that perhaps with I17's file size doubling optional extra clues, and flavour patrols can be added to help convey this.
Bio's will be looked at, and I will use the Medic's as a reference seeing as you feel that one works best.
Lastly your idea of a dossier starting clue seems ideal so I will be adding that too.
Once again, thank you very much for your help. 
P.S. although I like to add a few comedy elements to some of the dialog (im guessing a certain bit of salvaged machinery's dialog did that for you) I still don't think the arc qualifies as being comedy. However I take your 'feel' criticisms onboard so with future edits I will try to put a more serious tone into the arc.
Just a friendly reminder that my offer is still available to any who are interested.
Looking to polish up my arc, so I'll invoke the ritual to summon the handyman...
Arc 345863 - When the Bough Breaks
Arc #345863 - When The Bough Breaks
"Curse you Perry the Plata...wait, is that Love Handel?" - Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
Thanks for the bump - I didn't see this before. I'll give my arc a sanity check to make sure nothing's obviously broken by I17, run one of yours, and then call you.
My characters at Virtueverse
Faces of the City
Quote:
"Is that an official wish? Say the magic words..." Haven't seen an arc comment/reply from you just yet. However, Peppercat actually beat you to the punch with an in-game request for Overload #405822 so that will be next up.|
Originally Posted by PsychoPez
Looking to polish up my arc, so I'll invoke the ritual to summon the handyman...
|
Overview
Overall the arc is mechanically sound and has a decent premise but it's a little underwhelming.The first mission only has generic rescue dialogue from the hostages with no patrols, idle chatter, or clues. Also, the Bum Slump animation seemed like an odd choice for the hostages as opposed to a Cower type animation. Then again, some canon mobs have weird restrictions on what animations you can and can't use.
The fact that the final mission takes place in a [spoiler] is the main thing that seemed underwhelming, especially due to one of the clues from the previous mission made it seem like something else may have been going on since it wasn't encoded. Any number of things could be done here. You could go the route of having a full rewrite of the mission and make it take place somewhere else. You could keep the same premise but use a larger version of that map and perhaps some hostages for a bit more chaos. Maybe add a battle with the enemy group from mission 4. There's also the concept of adding a timer for a bit of pressure. Merely throwing out ideas since the end result is up to you.
Your arc has inconsistent levels. This is generally bad unless time travel or power dampening is involved in order to simulate losing powers. Also, your contact does not have a bio. You might want to roll the timer warning from mission 2 into the actual text itself but that's purely a matter of taste. The 'Accept' text for your final mission is still the default while the text for your other missions is more descriptive.
Some of your clues wound up being out of order with the last clue for a specific mission showing up above the first clue. This can be remedied either by drag and dropping the objective lower in the list or cut and pasting the mission text from the objective to the actual End of Mission clue to guarantee it will be last.
I couldn't place my finger on Technogenic's secondary. I know he was a Robotics MM but I didn't know what else he had. I know he lacked KB protection. Merely a curiosity on my part.
Also, I think the inclusion of [spoiler] was a pretty interesting move that works. I was originally wary about the defeat alls but the maps are small enough that it's fine.
Spelling/Grammar
--Mission 1 start
Now for the really bad news: that warehouse is the primary storage area for demolition supplies we're using in the Boomtown reconstruction project, including a large amount of explosives. If whoever's behind this gets their hands on the explosives in there there's no telling what damage they could do!
should probably be
Now for the really bad news: that warehouse is the primary storage area for demolition supplies we're using in the Boomtown reconstruction project, including a large amount of explosives. If whoever's behind this gets their hands on the explosives in there, there's no telling what damage they could do! <- comma
--Mission 1 send off
Thanks, I knew I could depend on you $name. Your first task will be to rescue any workers that got stuck inside when the robots broke in, thankfully it was only night shift so there can't be more then two or three workers still in there.
should be
Thanks, I knew I could depend on you $name. Your first task will be to rescue any workers that got stuck inside when the robots broke in. Thankfully it was only night shift so there can't be more then two or three workers still in there. <- period + caps
--Mission 1 outro
Good job $name, it seems kind of odd those robots had no leader though, he must have already fled.
should probably be
Good job $name. It seems kind of odd those robots had no leader though. He must have already fled. <- periods + caps
--Mission 3 sendoff
I knew I could count on you $name. Now the priority here is to get in and out, you'll probably have to hack into their computer system to get any decent information, Crey's employees don't tend to talk.
should be
I knew I could count on you $name. Now the priority here is to get in and out. You'll probably have to hack into their computer system to get any decent information. Crey's employees don't tend to talk. <- periods + caps
--Mission 3 outro
Basically, this guy could "feel" instinctively, how machines went together and therefore if a machine was malfunctioning in some way he could figure out how to repair it just by being near it, in short he was a technopath. Unfortunately they went too far and increased his power too much, he went nuts and they had to detain him. He broke free a week ago and in the process repaired and now controls a host of Anti-Matter's robots he stole from a Crey storage warehouse. He now goes by the name Technogenic. Unfortunately that's all that's in the file, his whereabouts are completely unknown.
should be
Basically, this guy could "feel" instinctively how machines went together and therefore if a machine was malfunctioning in some way he could figure out how to repair it just by being near it. In short he was a technopath. Unfortunately they went too far and increased his power too much, he went nuts, and they had to detain him. He broke free a week ago and in the process repaired and now controls a host of Anti-Matter's robots he stole from a Crey storage warehouse. He now goes by the name Technogenic. Unfortunately that's all that's in the file, his whereabouts are completely unknown. <- periods and commas
--Mission 4 outro
Excellent work! Now we know where he is there's only one thing left to do
Your choice on adding a period or an ellipsis to the end of that sentence.
--Mission 5 startup
Now I don't know if you read all of that file on him, but Crey managed to boost his powers to huge levels, you might want to assemble a team for this.
should be
Now I don't know if you read all of that file on him but Crey managed to boost his powers to huge levels. You might want to assemble a team for this. <- remove comma, add period
[NPC] Technogenic: Awww, $fall down... Pathetic.
I'm assuming you meant either
[NPC] Technogenic: Awww, $name fell down... Pathetic.
OR
[NPC] Technogenic: Awww, look at $name fall down... Pathetic.
Quote:
Tried to log in yesterday to get that done, and ran into some problems with my PC. Instead of enjoying a good arc, I spent most of the evening updating software.|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
"Is that an official wish? Say the magic words..." Haven't seen an arc comment/reply from you just yet.
|
Fun times.
Hopefully this weekend...
Arc #345863 - When The Bough Breaks
"Curse you Perry the Plata...wait, is that Love Handel?" - Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
Quote:
First, lack of idle chatter: I didn't feel it appropriate for an entirely robotic set of enemies.|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
"Is that an official wish? Say the magic words..." Haven't seen an arc comment/reply from you just yet. However, Peppercat actually beat you to the punch with an in-game request for Overload #405822 so that will be next up.
Overview Overall the arc is mechanically sound and has a decent premise but it's a little underwhelming.The first mission only has generic rescue dialogue from the hostages with no patrols, idle chatter, or clues. Also, the Bum Slump animation seemed like an odd choice for the hostages as opposed to a Cower type animation. Then again, some canon mobs have weird restrictions on what animations you can and can't use. |
Lack of clues? There is one, it's not necessary for mission completion, but it's there.
No cower? The initial mob I was going to use as the hostage couldn't cower, I looked and looked but it wasn't there, I'll check in a bit to see if the replacement can.
Quote:
| The fact that the final mission takes place in a [spoiler] is the main thing that seemed underwhelming, especially due to one of the clues from the previous mission made it seem like something else may have been going on since it wasn't encoded. Any number of things could be done here. You could go the route of having a full rewrite of the mission and make it take place somewhere else. You could keep the same premise but use a larger version of that map and perhaps some hostages for a bit more chaos. Maybe add a battle with the enemy group from mission 4. There's also the concept of adding a timer for a bit of pressure. Merely throwing out ideas since the end result is up to you. |
I seem to remember looking for a larger version of the last map but couldn't find one, I'll look again in a tick.
Quote:
| Your arc has inconsistent levels. This is generally bad unless time travel or power dampening is involved in order to simulate losing powers. Also, your contact does not have a bio. You might want to roll the timer warning from mission 2 into the actual text itself but that's purely a matter of taste. The 'Accept' text for your final mission is still the default while the text for your other missions is more descriptive. |
) Timer warning is at least in the accepted text, I'll move it to the briefing. Bio, ack, knew I'd missed something!Quote:
| Some of your clues wound up being out of order with the last clue for a specific mission showing up above the first clue. This can be remedied either by drag and dropping the objective lower in the list or cut and pasting the mission text from the objective to the actual End of Mission clue to guarantee it will be last. |
Quote:
| I couldn't place my finger on Technogenic's secondary. I know he was a Robotics MM but I didn't know what else he had. I know he lacked KB protection. Merely a curiosity on my part. |
Quote:
| Also, I think the inclusion of [spoiler] was a pretty interesting move that works. I was originally wary about the defeat alls but the maps are small enough that it's fine. |
Quote:
|
Spelling/Grammar --Mission 1 start Now for the really bad news: that warehouse is the primary storage area for demolition supplies we're using in the Boomtown reconstruction project, including a large amount of explosives. If whoever's behind this gets their hands on the explosives in there there's no telling what damage they could do! should probably be Now for the really bad news: that warehouse is the primary storage area for demolition supplies we're using in the Boomtown reconstruction project, including a large amount of explosives. If whoever's behind this gets their hands on the explosives in there, there's no telling what damage they could do! <- comma --Mission 1 send off Thanks, I knew I could depend on you $name. Your first task will be to rescue any workers that got stuck inside when the robots broke in, thankfully it was only night shift so there can't be more then two or three workers still in there. should be Thanks, I knew I could depend on you $name. Your first task will be to rescue any workers that got stuck inside when the robots broke in. Thankfully it was only night shift so there can't be more then two or three workers still in there. <- period + caps --Mission 1 outro Good job $name, it seems kind of odd those robots had no leader though, he must have already fled. should probably be Good job $name. It seems kind of odd those robots had no leader though. He must have already fled. <- periods + caps --Mission 3 sendoff I knew I could count on you $name. Now the priority here is to get in and out, you'll probably have to hack into their computer system to get any decent information, Crey's employees don't tend to talk. should be I knew I could count on you $name. Now the priority here is to get in and out. You'll probably have to hack into their computer system to get any decent information. Crey's employees don't tend to talk. <- periods + caps --Mission 3 outro Basically, this guy could "feel" instinctively, how machines went together and therefore if a machine was malfunctioning in some way he could figure out how to repair it just by being near it, in short he was a technopath. Unfortunately they went too far and increased his power too much, he went nuts and they had to detain him. He broke free a week ago and in the process repaired and now controls a host of Anti-Matter's robots he stole from a Crey storage warehouse. He now goes by the name Technogenic. Unfortunately that's all that's in the file, his whereabouts are completely unknown. should be Basically, this guy could "feel" instinctively how machines went together and therefore if a machine was malfunctioning in some way he could figure out how to repair it just by being near it. In short he was a technopath. Unfortunately they went too far and increased his power too much, he went nuts, and they had to detain him. He broke free a week ago and in the process repaired and now controls a host of Anti-Matter's robots he stole from a Crey storage warehouse. He now goes by the name Technogenic. Unfortunately that's all that's in the file, his whereabouts are completely unknown. <- periods and commas --Mission 4 outro Excellent work! Now we know where he is there's only one thing left to do Your choice on adding a period or an ellipsis to the end of that sentence. --Mission 5 startup Now I don't know if you read all of that file on him, but Crey managed to boost his powers to huge levels, you might want to assemble a team for this. should be Now I don't know if you read all of that file on him but Crey managed to boost his powers to huge levels. You might want to assemble a team for this. <- remove comma, add period [NPC] Technogenic: Awww, $fall down... Pathetic. I'm assuming you meant either [NPC] Technogenic: Awww, $name fell down... Pathetic. OR [NPC] Technogenic: Awww, look at $name fall down... Pathetic. |
Many many thanks for giving the arc the once over Zamuel. Given how few people seem to be playing MA missions at the moment, I've been struggling to get someone else to look at it.
MA Arc:
Overload (Arc ID #405822) | Status: Final | Last Edited: 5th Nov 2010 for text fixes.
-shrug- Another set of eyes usual is a big help. People have helped me with my arcs so I figure it makes sense to help others. And feel free to call me out if you disagree. I make mistakes; my own arc thread has the title misspelled. 
Also, just give me a holler if you've made changes to your arc and would like me to run it again. Once I start helping with an arc, it essentially gains a lifetime guarantee.
I've slapped final on it now, after doing the following (listed from memory):
All the grammar changes indicated above.
Added additional glowy to first mission.
Changed patrol in last mission.
Changed map for last mission.
Added another objective in last mission.
Added Souvenir.
Added contact bio.
MA Arc:
Overload (Arc ID #405822) | Status: Final | Last Edited: 5th Nov 2010 for text fixes.
Arc 345863 - When the Bough Breaks
Overview
Pretty well done. Definitely get a "voice" from the contact and noticed little nuances like making a self-rescuing ally create a clue as you zone in. Similar to Peppercat, you need to check the ordering of some of your clues. Also, there's one or two places where objectives need a smidge more description ("Soldier Elh'tur" should be "Defeat Soldier Elh'tur"). I found the victory intriguingly chilling in implication, to the point of wishing I was on one of my villains for the first runthrough (I used my Stalker to stealth through to the failure ending).
Spelling/Grammar
--Mission 5 failure outro
Most likes them monsters would slay innocent children and women in their sleep.
This may not be wrong if you're going for an accent. Just sounded weird when I read it.
Quote:
No, that's wrong, one of the earlier iterations had Epillito using a southern drawl to give character, but it was more annoying then intended, so I tried to tone that aspect down. He originally talked like that in EVERY dialog...thanks for the catch.|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
Arc 345863 - When the Bough Breaks
Overview Pretty well done. Definitely get a "voice" from the contact and noticed little nuances like making a self-rescuing ally create a clue as you zone in. Similar to Peppercat, you need to check the ordering of some of your clues. Also, there's one or two places where objectives need a smidge more description ("Soldier Elh'tur" should be "Defeat Soldier Elh'tur"). I found the victory intriguingly chilling in implication, to the point of wishing I was on one of my villains for the first runthrough (I used my Stalker to stealth through to the failure ending). Spelling/Grammar --Mission 5 failure outro Most likes them monsters would slay innocent children and women in their sleep. This may not be wrong if you're going for an accent. Just sounded weird when I read it. |
Thanks for the review!
Arc #345863 - When The Bough Breaks
"Curse you Perry the Plata...wait, is that Love Handel?" - Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
And just a friendly reminder that I'm not sane enough to be concerned with xp loss and am more than willing to help with your arc.
I am sure that this is the wrong place to post it, but I noticed that someone said that people playing AE is down and it's hard to get people to run arcs.
From a player's side it is difficult to find arcs using the search. There a lot of unfinished story's, farms, dead farms, bugged missions, deathtraps (Arcs designed to kill teams that play on +4x8), etc. Wading through all this stuff is tedious enough that usually I would rather do The Hallows missions..again.
I don't farm and due to time constraints I solo a lot. Other than browsing through the forums and looking at sigs, is there any place where there is a vetted list of reccomended arcs for players like me?
Quote:
Dev's Choice Suggestion Thread: other players recommending great arcs that should be Dev's Choiced.|
Originally Posted by DevilYouKnow
I am sure that this is the wrong place to post it, but I noticed that someone said that people playing AE is down and it's hard to get people to run arcs.
From a player's side it is difficult to find arcs using the search. There a lot of unfinished story's, farms, dead farms, bugged missions, deathtraps (Arcs designed to kill teams that play on +4x8), etc. Wading through all this stuff is tedious enough that usually I would rather do The Hallows missions..again. I don't farm and due to time constraints I solo a lot. Other than browsing through the forums and looking at sigs, is there any place where there is a vetted list of reccomended arcs for players like me? |
Excellent Arcs: Great arcs that are stuck at 4 star ratings, submitted by players and authors.
AE Contact Tree: Maintained by PoliceWoman and thoroughly organized by morality and level range.
The AE contact tree is very, very nice. It's made AE playing a lot easier for me.
A Guide to Champion Drama
My Videos
Ashcraft been published.
Thnaks a lotl I bookmarked all these and I will get in and try some of these.
So if your arc is there, I will give it a try.
PS. I always leave feedback, good or bad, so if you are looking for someone who justs plays, I'm your guy!
So today I ran through Tsoo In Love by EnigmaBlack. Fun little romp but there's a few things that could help it out.
Overview
First, it seems like it's story time. A long time ago there was a Strike Force started by a Mender Tessaract. A murderous little adventure that ended with a rooftop assassination. A very nice map with a nicely designed top floor. A while later this map graced Architect Entertainment with its presence. Unfortunately it was bugged.
I know exactly what you were going for with this map but rather than having Janet Jack spawn on the top floor, she spawned only a short distance from the entrance. While Marchand's Office is one of the nicer maps in AE (and I was intrigued when I found the exterior's location in St. Martial) it is bugged in a way that it randomly ignores the Front/Middle/Back settings. However, a differing issue is that I don't think it suits your arc. It's a rather large map and seems like it would be slightly too long for the pace of your arc if the spawns were working right. Personally, I'd suggest a two story map or a sizable one story.
Your other maps are fine. However, the arc as a whole could stand to have a little more detail. Full bios on named characters adds to the experience, especially with this being a comedy. The first mission didn't have any clues while the clue for the second probably should be expanded and tied to the hostage instead of mission completion. More extra conversations from non required enemies will probably help too. I'm torn on whether I think it would be best to leave General Tsoo as a canon mob (recolor him perhaps) or if he should be a custom.
Also, the arc seems rather firmly Heroic as opposed to Neutral. That said, you may want to change the generic Accept to something more context sensitive.
Spelling/Grammar
-Mission 1 intro
"We've gotten word that that psycho General Tsoo is so infatuated by Ms. Jack that he is willing to give anything to have her. It's gotten so bad that every one of his hencemen are trying to be the one that brings her to him."
should be
"We've gotten word that that psycho, General Tsoo, is so infatuated by Ms. Jack that he is willing to give anything to have her. It's gotten so bad that every one of his henchmen are trying to be the one that brings her to him." <- commas, spelling
-Mission 2 intro
"We have a small concert scheduled in Atlas Park today. Since's it's an open area we have to careful. Go out to the park and make sure things are alright. Right now the crew's are setting up. Ms. Jack is in route to do a sound check."
should be
"We have a small concert scheduled in Atlas Park today. Since's it's an open area we have to be careful. Go out to the park and make sure things are alright. Right now the crew's are setting up. Ms. Jack is in route to do a sound check." <- missing word
Also, I'm unsure if there's anywhere in canon that actually refers to Atlas Park as a park. With the map used, you might want to reword it as being right outside of city hall.
-Mission 2 sendoff
"Keep your eye out incase there are any Tsoo out there."
should be
"Keep your eye out in case there are any Tsoo out there." <- split into two words
-clue- General Tsoo Chickens out
"General Tsoo is not a well man by any means. he needs a little bit more help than the few lumps you gave him but at least he won't be a threat anymore."
should be
"General Tsoo is not a well man by any means. He needs a little bit more help than the few lumps you gave him but at least he won't be a threat anymore." <- capitalize
-Overall you may want to add spacing/carriage returns on the Sealed Envelope clue since it's a letter.
So you've got this arc but you really don't know how to improve it. Let the Handyman help! A second eye will help you build up a strong foundation for your architectural needs. Things here will be a little different from your typical review thread...
Building a better Architect experience - @Zamuel
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Mission Architect Handyman