LOL, "Midgets?" I'm assuming that refers to the Experiment minions, but what the heck? 
Edit: Sorry, I forgot to THANK YOU for digging up the link and for your excellent advice. 
Main Hero: Chad Gulzow-Man (Victory) 50, 1396 Badges
Main Villain: Evil Gulzow-Man (Victory) 50, 1193 Badges
Mission Architect arcs: Doctor Brainstorm's An Experiment Gone Awry, Arc ID 2093
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Originally Posted by Nethergoat
it's NEVER too late to pad your /ignore list!
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I wanted the warning in there in part because the 'hero' does some things you'd not have a hero do, but that's a legacy from back when you only had two moral flavours of missions instead of four. I could just be rid of that now.|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
I find it odd that "warning: grim" might have actually desensitized me a tad to the third mission. Then again, it might just be coming into it in a really analytical mindset. Plus, red Atlas gets used often enough that no matter how good the arc, I "meh" on reflex.
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The problem with Atlas on Fire is that it's a visually striking map and kind of interesting, so lots of people use it because they can as opposed to any real reason, and lots of people use it because there's a dearth of mid-apocalyptic maps, for want of a better word. Pity, because Atlas Park is modestly useful to this narrative.
I'd say it probably works for what you're going for but I'd make two key tweaks.
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| Second would be to have a generic superhero as an ally. While Malta has a rather covert ops feel and this arc reflects that, this is still a universe of superheroes. You have a rather government sanctioned themed rescue team in there. While Hero ABC may be deader than calls for a Shadow Shard pug on a Tuesday morning, Hero DEF would likely come from another part of the city to assist. Due to the theme/feel of the arc, it might be best to make them a captive with some sort of fighting emote with surrounding enemies, then when you "rescue" them they can run off with some sort of "I'll go look for others!" |
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| You could possibly even make the hero Blue Steel since someone more street level may fit the arc better plus he's a legally sanctioned member of the PPD so he might have better clearance from some of the government types. |
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| Failure text on mission 2 seemed good though I need to go back through and check the success text. However, you don't give the timer warning until after the mission is accepted. You should try to note that before. |
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| That dark purple text in Mission 4 is really hard to read. I'd advice checking SupaFreak's thread and picking something slightly lighter in shade: http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showthread.php?t=261466 |
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| One rather interesting map thought crossed my mind. You used a Council cave in Mission 2. Since North Korea has red in their flag, perhaps a 5th Column cave would do better visually. |
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| Mission 1 is Malta and Mission 4 is Malta + customs. Fair enough. I might argue that you can give the Directors different looks since Tin Mage TF establishes that they can look different than the standard. Also found it interesting that one ran while another had a stupid huge ambush. Theseus 001 shows up twice. Not sure if this was intentional since the bio makes it seem like a unique agent rather than a ranking...or twins. |
Theseus should only be in there once. I've only ever seen him once in there, so that's very strange.
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| Alrighty, the concern comes from your minions. It could be argued that a 3/2/1 or 2/3/1 division of minions/LTs/bosses is best for an arc with even more variance being better. It feels like you got 1/2/1. This is bad due to your minion powerset. As best as I can guess, they all have Beanbag. Getting killed didn't bother me since that was my own foolish mistake. What bothered me was getting stunned straight through my status protection. Soloists may not need to worry but in the event of a team, resistance based sets are gonna get screwed over hard. Even if they keep the same look, mixing in some with a different division of Assault Rifle powers or perhaps some Dual Blade (commando knife?) or Martial Arts minions would lessen the stackage. Also remember that you can use MM Thugs without the henchmen in order to get Dual Pistols in a non flashy style. |
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| Materiel/material |
Thanks for the help.
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I think the mission probably works well enough. One suggestion if you want to change map is to use an abandoned office. It could potentially be useful in portraying a feeling of being trapped and claustrophobic.|
Originally Posted by uberschveinen
That was a possibility, but CBRND doctrine has always been to get everyone out and keep everyone out, no exceptions. Everyone you let into that place that doesn't have your level of training and a Roentgen counter on their uniform will at the best die and at the worst nearly die and force you to spend more men getting them out. It's difficult trying to resolve how things are with how people expect things to be satisfactorily, and I didn't give this mission so much attention since it's a hard mission to make interesting in AE.
--- Likely. There's really not that many 'government' superheroes, and introducing a bunch of bodies out of the air made for the purpose would be a distraction from the premise. I'm going to reformat the entire mission soon, once I have a good idea. |
Your research on the real life comparisons to some things certainly shows. Merely pointing out points others might comment on concerning "Why didn't any other heroes show up?" You might even be able to handwave some concerns simply by putting a quick note in the popup text that the area is quarantined to all--supers included.
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| I thought I had. I'm certain I mentioned the hour time-frame; maybe it needs to be up in red like the rest. |
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| Theseus should only be in there once. I've only ever seen him once in there, so that's very strange. |
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| There's only so many flavours of 'guy with gun and training'. I might split them into offensive and disruptive powers, or see if there's existing enemies in faction I can borrow. Suprised that they regularly stunned you, though, because I tested with large numbers as well. |
16 x 3 = 48 mag stun. With the exception of a few things like stacking resistance on top of status protection, no one is getting out of that. I will note it being a fluke of sorts since that particular spawn lacked bosses/LTs but that happens sometimes. There's a reason player made AE guides suggest you not give minions status effects unless it's a massively varied group.
You probably only need one more minion. If one is Burst/Slug/Beanbag, you can just have another as Burst/Slug/Buckshot and you should be fine since it was odd that higher ranks weren't in that spawn. I'd also like to note that I was set to +1 and that section of the map was spawning +1 so I was fighting +2 with my Alpha unequipped. So part of this may be my own fault but sometimes mistakes help you catch things.
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| Materiel is a real and useful word. It means the broad category of equipment, suplies, and in some cases support that a military or occasionally any organisation needs to prosecute its task. |
AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!
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Thanks for your time, Zamuel. This arc is ancient. Judging from the publish date, it's over 2 years since I last touched it. I read through the comments here, then played it once myself, before opening any of the MA files. I'm gonna say this about it - it felt like playing an Issue 0 story arc. By that, I mean that it had a lot of "busy work" that wasn't strictly necessary to progress the story.|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
In the "Victory regulars get freebies" file, did one for for @Roderick. Now, this is coming in with the knowledge that it's rather untouched since AE went live. Still, it's a short little romp that could be quite enjoyable with some tweaks.
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The Archon's New Clothes
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Arc #33801
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Story and structure The Mission 1 intro seemed rather short. It really feels like it could stand to be lengthened. Though that comes onto the thought that Mission 1 and 2 should be fused into one. Mission 1 seems almost filler though an initial starter can be good. Found it a little funny that the files were required while the civilians were not. This oddity plus the filler feel would be greatly alleviated with a merge. Have only one or two computers, an Icon secretary, a Tailor, Carson, and the surprise "hostage". Mixes it up a bit with appearances and dialog. |
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| I particularly liked Carson's seemingly callous remark about his employees safety. |
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| I find the Defeat All in Mission 3 rather unneeded. Doubly so, you have patrols. |
And the Ascendants! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
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| "Find the clue" in Mission 3 is too...overt. Spicing it up would be nice. |
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Enemy design Forgivable for the time created but the EB/AV in Mission 3 is a bit strong. Mainly Build Up and the Shield Defense tier 9. Probably fine with everything else. |
I never ran into either of those powers when I fought him. However, the End drain from EB-scaled Electric Melee is nuts. I may change his power set. I'm not sure.
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| The canon AV surprise in Mission 4 is fine. |
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Spelling and grammar Clue - Facemaker's files You found several folders full of low-quality photocopies of hand-written documents. It looks like Facemaker works on location and cash-only, so she doesn't have detailed like Serge does. She's still collected a lot of personal info on her clients though, and it looks like it's all here. should probably be You found several folders full of low-quality photocopies of hand-written documents. It looks like Facemaker works on location and cash-only, so she doesn't have detailed info like Serge does. She's still collected a lot of personal info on her clients though, and it looks like it's all here. |
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NPC Chat Vandal: Pitiful insects! Is that your best? To take into account soloists should probably be Vandal: Pitiful insect! Is that your best? |
Overall, I'm not sure if I want to tweak the existing mission, or remake it from scratch. There are SO MANY things that need changing because they couldn't be done right with the tools I had when this arc was first made, that I almost feel starting over would be easier. I'll take a look at it later, and see what I feel like doing.
Thanks for the review. It had a lot of good points.
@Roderick
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All things considered, doesn't Carson actually make a snide comment about your outfit when you get his costume unlock mission in the actual game? I'll have to double check at some point. Though it is a valid point that even if he's a little snobbish, he wouldn't actually want to see his employees get hurt.|
Originally Posted by Roderick
I wasn't sure exactly what you meant by this until I replayed the mission. I'll have to rework his dialogue, because that's not the impression I was trying to get. The intention was more along the lines of "They're well-disciplined and loyal, and neither they nor I will give up the information you want." Not sure how I'll adjust it, but I'll figure something out.
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| And the Ascendants! WHAT WAS I THINKING? |
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When I made the arc, we couldn't customize power selections, so I had no choice in the matter. I didn't think he scaled up to AV; I thought he was EB all the time. I'll double check that. If you DID get an AV, that was unintentional. I never ran into either of those powers when I fought him. However, the End drain from EB-scaled Electric Melee is nuts. I may change his power set. I'm not sure. |
Whatever you finally decide for editing the arc, let me know and I'll be glad to run it again.
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Originally Posted by Roderick
And the Ascendants! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
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Originally Posted by Zamuel
They look cool?
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@Roderick
Despite the current...concerns...with the AE system at the moment, I'd like to point out that I'm still taking requests.
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By special request of Zamuel in-game, I'm posting up The Strife of the Grave (dun dun dunnn) arc #3409, from the decrepit vaults of the most ancient AE arcs for his handyman's touch.|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
Despite the current...concerns...with the AE system at the moment, I'd like to point out that I'm still taking requests.
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Let me know what you'd like me to run in return (if that's still a thing) and I'll give it a play
Ambush City, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Ambush - Arc #1043
Strife of the Grave - Arc #3409
Shift - Arc #529411
After pushing the bandwith boulder and battling the grand and phenomenal evils of the forum logout bug I suddenly have to face
The Strife of the Grave
#3409 by @Reisma
Story and structure
Acknowledging that the arc is a little old but there's good and bad. So...we've got zombies kidnapping zombies so they can raise the undead. That's awesome! Possibly could be viewed as over the top as some but a cool kind of over the top. I think that the biggest flaw is that the more you know about canon, the more some things break down.
For instance, you do mention in the final mission that the Banished Pantheon is trying to awaken ancient gods but it feels somewhat like the scheme to do that during the arc (kidnapping other entities so they have a strong enough forced to do so unopposed) doesn't seem to acknowledge that enough. I believe that the Ancestor Spirit's generally are actual ancestors so the Tsoo would be pretty enraged at their capture. The Vahzilok zombies are more related to a Frankenstein style mashup of parts so I'm not sure they should be on the Banished Pantheon's radar since it's tech instead of science. Also, a rogue faction of Midnighter's wound up as pretty surprising since the Banished Pantheon are on a level of possible catastrophe where even the Circle of Thorns wants to see them stopped at all costs.
Still plenty salvageable though. You could connect the Tsoo and Vahzilok by having the Ancestor Spirits bound to the Vahzilok zombies. Perhaps the first mission you could rescue a few spirits and the second mission reveal why they were being captured. Perhaps you could foreshadow the Midnighters in the first mission, reveal in the second, and have them return in the third.
The contact is a little dry, plus he's lacking a bio. Rewording things could add a bit of emphasis on things overall. Well, actually the final mission's outro is good but I don't know if any changes you make to the arc overall will cause it to be revised. Also, all of your renamed standard enemies are using their default bios. Also seemed odd that the level range was 24-28 rather than capping at 29 or 30.
The Possessed Vahzilok didn't really look like Vahzilok. Possibly a nitpick but something that stood out in the enemy design. In fact, Khaled Boneshatter looked a bit more like he fit in with Vahz. Mister Dead doesn't seem "right" as a Tsoo name. The bosses tend to have a bit more elaborate sounding names. However, one valid way to cheat is to translate Mister Dead into Lao.
Overall, the final mission felt somewhat underwhelming. Not sure of the best suggestions for adding more to it. Maybe you could add a destructable or glowie acting as a summoning point. Perhaps make Khaled Boneshatter required instead of optional. While the graveyard map makes perfect sense, maybe the Mausoleum to Caves maps would work better since they aren't as commonly seen, plus being indoors and linear allows you to somewhat script the encounter.
Spelling and grammar
Mission 2 conclusion
They were controlling the Vahzilok zombies? I'm starting to have a bad feeling about this. Your encounter with a party from the Midnight Club is also alarming. I will have to consult with other mystics, but it appears that the Banished Pantheon are attempting to control the bodies and spirits of all the dead they can find and corrupt or possess.
Might be fine but the wording seems a little weird.
#3409 by @Reisma
Story and structure
Acknowledging that the arc is a little old but there's good and bad. So...we've got zombies kidnapping zombies so they can raise the undead. That's awesome! Possibly could be viewed as over the top as some but a cool kind of over the top. I think that the biggest flaw is that the more you know about canon, the more some things break down.
For instance, you do mention in the final mission that the Banished Pantheon is trying to awaken ancient gods but it feels somewhat like the scheme to do that during the arc (kidnapping other entities so they have a strong enough forced to do so unopposed) doesn't seem to acknowledge that enough. I believe that the Ancestor Spirit's generally are actual ancestors so the Tsoo would be pretty enraged at their capture. The Vahzilok zombies are more related to a Frankenstein style mashup of parts so I'm not sure they should be on the Banished Pantheon's radar since it's tech instead of science. Also, a rogue faction of Midnighter's wound up as pretty surprising since the Banished Pantheon are on a level of possible catastrophe where even the Circle of Thorns wants to see them stopped at all costs.
Still plenty salvageable though. You could connect the Tsoo and Vahzilok by having the Ancestor Spirits bound to the Vahzilok zombies. Perhaps the first mission you could rescue a few spirits and the second mission reveal why they were being captured. Perhaps you could foreshadow the Midnighters in the first mission, reveal in the second, and have them return in the third.
The contact is a little dry, plus he's lacking a bio. Rewording things could add a bit of emphasis on things overall. Well, actually the final mission's outro is good but I don't know if any changes you make to the arc overall will cause it to be revised. Also, all of your renamed standard enemies are using their default bios. Also seemed odd that the level range was 24-28 rather than capping at 29 or 30.
The Possessed Vahzilok didn't really look like Vahzilok. Possibly a nitpick but something that stood out in the enemy design. In fact, Khaled Boneshatter looked a bit more like he fit in with Vahz. Mister Dead doesn't seem "right" as a Tsoo name. The bosses tend to have a bit more elaborate sounding names. However, one valid way to cheat is to translate Mister Dead into Lao.
Overall, the final mission felt somewhat underwhelming. Not sure of the best suggestions for adding more to it. Maybe you could add a destructable or glowie acting as a summoning point. Perhaps make Khaled Boneshatter required instead of optional. While the graveyard map makes perfect sense, maybe the Mausoleum to Caves maps would work better since they aren't as commonly seen, plus being indoors and linear allows you to somewhat script the encounter.
Spelling and grammar
Mission 2 conclusion
They were controlling the Vahzilok zombies? I'm starting to have a bad feeling about this. Your encounter with a party from the Midnight Club is also alarming. I will have to consult with other mystics, but it appears that the Banished Pantheon are attempting to control the bodies and spirits of all the dead they can find and corrupt or possess.
Might be fine but the wording seems a little weird.
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Sorry for taking a while to get back to you!|
Originally Posted by Zamuel
After pushing the bandwith boulder and battling the grand and phenomenal evils of the forum logout bug I suddenly have to face
The Strife of the Grave #3409 by @Reisma |
I feel the same way about most of what you've said.
I will comment on the Vahzilok/BP thing: I figure if the BP is okay with raising shipwreck victims, world war 2 veterans, and any other body they can find, Vahzilok corpses with machine-bits in them won't be any different. Meat is meat, even if one has some wires and bolts stuck in it.
Thank you for taking the time to give me this feedback. I am definitely going to take a few hours sometime soon and work on revising it. A lot of what you said (kind of plain contact) was things I already had a feeling I should work on, but I really appreciated the pokes into things I hadn't really thought that much about (contact biography for example). So thanks again, I'll give fixin' up the arc a whirl with advice from the Handyman
Edit: Oh! And the level range is odd because the Tsoo boss I use (Viridian Fear? I think) spawns only in an odd level range.
Ambush City, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Ambush - Arc #1043
Strife of the Grave - Arc #3409
Shift - Arc #529411
I think Mister Dead is a situation where it might be best to add a custom boss. He's recurring so a unique look makes him feel like a stronger part of your arc. Plus, with Darkness Manipulation being added for custom sets you can get a decent match of Viridian Fear's powers and still have other options.
Also, I was slightly wrong on the Ancestor Spirits. It's a maybe-kinda-sorta on them actually being related. Sometimes they are and sometimes they aren't and are just used to lure more into the Tsoo ranks with a fake tie in. However, the followers would probably still be in full out gang war mode over their capture.
Grabbing a pillow and some comfy sheets, it's time to tackle a nocturnal adventure with
The Sleeper
#521513 by @Mikya'el
Story and structure
Interesting premise and setup. Some may nitpick that it puts words in the player's mouth, especially since it's an author insert, but I don't think it's done poorly. However, mid twenties the player's character probably isn't a total unknown though admitted your notoriety may be limited. Also...
I like defendable objects and feel they are woefully underused in the game. However, they tend to be destroyed quickly in large teams, especially if you don't see them beforehand and enemies get a heavy alpha strike. I think it should be kept but just pointing it out. Running this solo certainly affected things. I am a little on the fence on it being an outdoor map due to backtracking but it's not a huge map you used.
Your arc has uneven level ranges. I'm assuming that this is due to the inclusion of Mooks but it would probably be better to just sub them out with Family. Also, you have a Warrior EB that caps at level 27 and I was level 30. This brings out two thoughts. One is that he should just be a boss so that not only will he fill out the level range properly, it'll be more soloable. The other is to make him a custom since he's a named enemy who is mentioned more than once. In fact, part of me feels you should have had a rematch rather than him being taken care of offscreen though an outdoor map might create a bit of runaround and the arc should not be padded out with another mission.
I like that you mentioned the contradiction between a code of honor and murdering someone in their sleep. However, one piece of canon was incorrect on mentioning that Warriors are known for Kings Row when they are more known for Talos. Still make a point about the abandoned warehouses though.
"Defeat Larz and his cronies." and "Defend the dumpster!" have the same thing for the mission title and the objective. I'd suggest giving each a unique mission title such as "Investigate the warehouse" and "Protect the sleeper".
While not "wrong" I felt the open solicitation for feedback in the arc description sort of weird. I guess it just seems like feedback is such a default thing that it shouldn't need to be requested but I guess it's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Spelling and grammar
Arc description
Join him on his adventures, and defend him from an attempt on his life!
should be
Join him on his adventures and defend him from an attempt on his life!
The Sleeper
#521513 by @Mikya'el
Story and structure
Interesting premise and setup. Some may nitpick that it puts words in the player's mouth, especially since it's an author insert, but I don't think it's done poorly. However, mid twenties the player's character probably isn't a total unknown though admitted your notoriety may be limited. Also...
- Awesome, there's a defendable in this arc!
- Oh crap, there's a defendable in this arc!
I like defendable objects and feel they are woefully underused in the game. However, they tend to be destroyed quickly in large teams, especially if you don't see them beforehand and enemies get a heavy alpha strike. I think it should be kept but just pointing it out. Running this solo certainly affected things. I am a little on the fence on it being an outdoor map due to backtracking but it's not a huge map you used.
Your arc has uneven level ranges. I'm assuming that this is due to the inclusion of Mooks but it would probably be better to just sub them out with Family. Also, you have a Warrior EB that caps at level 27 and I was level 30. This brings out two thoughts. One is that he should just be a boss so that not only will he fill out the level range properly, it'll be more soloable. The other is to make him a custom since he's a named enemy who is mentioned more than once. In fact, part of me feels you should have had a rematch rather than him being taken care of offscreen though an outdoor map might create a bit of runaround and the arc should not be padded out with another mission.
I like that you mentioned the contradiction between a code of honor and murdering someone in their sleep. However, one piece of canon was incorrect on mentioning that Warriors are known for Kings Row when they are more known for Talos. Still make a point about the abandoned warehouses though.
"Defeat Larz and his cronies." and "Defend the dumpster!" have the same thing for the mission title and the objective. I'd suggest giving each a unique mission title such as "Investigate the warehouse" and "Protect the sleeper".
While not "wrong" I felt the open solicitation for feedback in the arc description sort of weird. I guess it just seems like feedback is such a default thing that it shouldn't need to be requested but I guess it's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Spelling and grammar
Arc description
Join him on his adventures, and defend him from an attempt on his life!
should be
Join him on his adventures and defend him from an attempt on his life!
With my subscription being current again, Mission Architect Handyman is back open for business if you'd like the feedback.
While I'm still getting back into the swing of things, reviews are once again open. Gonna need to see what the game has broken so a formal "oops" if you run one of my arcs and something seems rather off.
Welcome back!
I played Rider's Ribs Restaurant and one of the Dhahabu Kingdom ones previously--does this allow me to submit my arcs for handyman consideration?
All of them can use some attention I am sure, so have at any of em that pique your interest. Robolution is my newest and therefore had the fewest refinement passes or feedback.
Try out my AE Arcs! (solo friendly, canon related, & some contest winners)
| #529832 Rularularian - Heroic - 41-54 | #515140 The Serpent Beyond the Horizon - Heroic - 46-52 | #183832 Save the Diver, Save the World - Vigilante - 25-30 | #245534 Condemning Croatoa - Villainous - 25-33 | #540585 Robolution - Villainous - 25-34 |
Been a while. Hope no one revolts with a
Robolution
#540585 by @Ankylosaur
Story and structure
One thing about arcs is "voice". You want contacts to have a personality but you don't want them to be annoying (unless that's the goal). Constantly using "bots" as opposed to 'robots' struck me as an odd choice. It seemed fine for Freakshow but didn't sound like something an Arachnos agent or members of the Sky Raiders would say. I obviously can't say it's outright wrong but it's one of those things that struck me as weird.
Your arc slightly runs into the difficulty of writing villain missions. While the contact is respectful, you don't seem to have much of a motive after the 4th mission ends since you've already completed your job and presumably been paid. It does seem like a simple fix though. In one of the previous intro/outro popups, note how there's a possibility that these robots might be useful to your plans. Word it right and it gives vague enough motive without being too immersion breaking. I'm on the fence on some of the "Accept" text lines. They seem incredibly dry but adding too much more might be out of character for some players.
Started a little slow but otherwise had a decent pace and plot. I just happen to have a small personal bias against outdoor maps but that's purely me and you did use them to good effect. Nice design on the customs. Speaking of which, I noticed you used a number of custom versions of standard mobs with the Sky Raiders being the most obvious. I'm assuming that this was due to level range though they worked well for the arc.
A number of named standard bosses had the default bios. Change isn't required but just something I noticed.
In mission 4, the objective "Lead Arachnobot Destroyer to Entrance (after defeating AV & EB)" doesn't seem like it needs the part in parentheses since the AV placement makes it almost not to encounter them on the way out.
Spelling and grammar
Mission 1 Clue Interrogating Crey Bot Protector Adams
Adams remembered the Arachnobot Destroyer Prototype. He told you: "The Sky Raiders used Skiffs to take the beat up Arachnos Destroyer Prototype as salvage.
Once again, a "voice" thing. Seems like "damaged" would be better than "beat up" but it's not incorrect as is.
Mission 2 Clue Arachnobot Barter
Officer Tang revealed: "Sure, I remember the salvaged Arachnobot. <-- add the comma
Mission 3 sendoff
Should they treat you as the later, feel free to destroy any tech they are trading. As likely as not it is stolen Arachnos technology and not theirs to profit from.
should be
Should they treat you as the latter, feel free to destroy any tech they are trading. More likely than not it is stolen Arachnos technology and not theirs to profit from.
[NPC] Rogue Orb Weaver Johanssen: Tell Marshal Blitz I am impressed, and I will deliver a purchase order to the Sky Raiders for the new Assault Bot. The Sky Raiders also have a salvaged Arachnobot Destroyer Prototype they are selling, but I have not had a chance to evaluate it yet. If it works, I say we buy it. <--remove commas
Clue Arachnobot Destroyer for Sale
Rogue Orb Weaver Johanssen told you: "The Sky Raiders offered me a new Arachnobot Destroyer Prototype that they had acquired from Arachnos. I have not seen it yet, but had an appointment to view it down at their base in
about an hour."
Clue The Rogue Robots
Officer Goldstein was quick to explain: "The Sky Raiders are just middle men selling bots for Rogue Council Robots that make the bots. We did trade the Arachnobot Destroyer to the Rogue Robots, but the Rogue Robots are now asking us to find a buyer for it."<--remove commas
[NPC] Vortex Cor Leonis Archon: Do they let kust anyone on Striga these days? <-- "just"
Mission 4
[NPC] Col. Duray: There's reports of Arachnos coming after their Arachnobot. Everyone look ssharp and be ready to retreat. <-- "sharp"
Mission 5 Clue Vandal's Robolution
The Sky Raiders continue to accept and distribute my bots, only because I am not part of the Council. <-- remove comma
outro
Vandal then invented new, better models to orchestrate a return to the Council <-- add comma
Robolution
#540585 by @Ankylosaur
Story and structure
One thing about arcs is "voice". You want contacts to have a personality but you don't want them to be annoying (unless that's the goal). Constantly using "bots" as opposed to 'robots' struck me as an odd choice. It seemed fine for Freakshow but didn't sound like something an Arachnos agent or members of the Sky Raiders would say. I obviously can't say it's outright wrong but it's one of those things that struck me as weird.
Your arc slightly runs into the difficulty of writing villain missions. While the contact is respectful, you don't seem to have much of a motive after the 4th mission ends since you've already completed your job and presumably been paid. It does seem like a simple fix though. In one of the previous intro/outro popups, note how there's a possibility that these robots might be useful to your plans. Word it right and it gives vague enough motive without being too immersion breaking. I'm on the fence on some of the "Accept" text lines. They seem incredibly dry but adding too much more might be out of character for some players.
Started a little slow but otherwise had a decent pace and plot. I just happen to have a small personal bias against outdoor maps but that's purely me and you did use them to good effect. Nice design on the customs. Speaking of which, I noticed you used a number of custom versions of standard mobs with the Sky Raiders being the most obvious. I'm assuming that this was due to level range though they worked well for the arc.
A number of named standard bosses had the default bios. Change isn't required but just something I noticed.
In mission 4, the objective "Lead Arachnobot Destroyer to Entrance (after defeating AV & EB)" doesn't seem like it needs the part in parentheses since the AV placement makes it almost not to encounter them on the way out.
Spelling and grammar
Mission 1 Clue Interrogating Crey Bot Protector Adams
Adams remembered the Arachnobot Destroyer Prototype. He told you: "The Sky Raiders used Skiffs to take the beat up Arachnos Destroyer Prototype as salvage.
Once again, a "voice" thing. Seems like "damaged" would be better than "beat up" but it's not incorrect as is.
Mission 2 Clue Arachnobot Barter
Officer Tang revealed: "Sure, I remember the salvaged Arachnobot. <-- add the comma
Mission 3 sendoff
Should they treat you as the later, feel free to destroy any tech they are trading. As likely as not it is stolen Arachnos technology and not theirs to profit from.
should be
Should they treat you as the latter, feel free to destroy any tech they are trading. More likely than not it is stolen Arachnos technology and not theirs to profit from.
[NPC] Rogue Orb Weaver Johanssen: Tell Marshal Blitz I am impressed, and I will deliver a purchase order to the Sky Raiders for the new Assault Bot. The Sky Raiders also have a salvaged Arachnobot Destroyer Prototype they are selling, but I have not had a chance to evaluate it yet. If it works, I say we buy it. <--remove commas
Clue Arachnobot Destroyer for Sale
Rogue Orb Weaver Johanssen told you: "The Sky Raiders offered me a new Arachnobot Destroyer Prototype that they had acquired from Arachnos. I have not seen it yet, but had an appointment to view it down at their base in
about an hour."
Clue The Rogue Robots
Officer Goldstein was quick to explain: "The Sky Raiders are just middle men selling bots for Rogue Council Robots that make the bots. We did trade the Arachnobot Destroyer to the Rogue Robots, but the Rogue Robots are now asking us to find a buyer for it."<--remove commas
[NPC] Vortex Cor Leonis Archon: Do they let kust anyone on Striga these days? <-- "just"
Mission 4
[NPC] Col. Duray: There's reports of Arachnos coming after their Arachnobot. Everyone look ssharp and be ready to retreat. <-- "sharp"
Mission 5 Clue Vandal's Robolution
The Sky Raiders continue to accept and distribute my bots, only because I am not part of the Council. <-- remove comma
outro
Vandal then invented new, better models to orchestrate a return to the Council <-- add comma
Zamuel, thanks so much for the detailed review of Robolution. It is so hard to edit one's own work, so the detailed review is helpful. I would love reviews/feedback of all my arcs over time, if you can stand it. Nothing is ever perfect, and I am sure all of mine can benefit from the eyes of the Handyman.
VOICE
As to the voice, I have not really found a strong voice for this contact yet. Respectful, a bit reserved and maybe a little superior is what I was going for. He is pretty much a part of the Arachnos machine and is not going to reveal a ton of personality as a result--but that does make for a dry contact.
I chose the term "bots" to use a distinct term for the Battle Drone, Protector Bot, and Assault Bots other than robot. This was to distinguish from either the Arachnobot Destroyer or the Rogue Robots or even the Jump Bots. It's true that it does not sit naturally though with the speaker's tone--so I will think on that and see if i can come up with a better term.
MOTIVATING VILLAINS
You're right, it's hard to have much motivation for mission 5. I'll see if I can't make that stronger with your suggestion or another idea I have.
With most of my arcs I try to do at least something small I have not done or played with before. In this one, I have experimented with both ally betrayal and failing objectives--being able to keep the story thread even if a mission fails. Not so different that its a different play experience if you explore the failed path too, but it was fun to build an arc that works well-enough either way.
CUSTOM MOBS
The other thing I tried to do here was involve a lot of different groups to explore the dynamics between them a bit. Rather than work on creating a new custom group all together, I sprinkled in a few custom mobs to the existing mobs.
And yes, the custom Sky Raiders are there because of level range or in the case of the Raider Engineer, he did not show up in the list when pulling the standard group into my custom group. In his case, I also wanted the Raider Engineer to take on a different role with the "bots." The Sky Raiders are the only group that summons them at an LT level. While I was at it I made the inferno raider and assault raider fly because everyone and their cousin has jet boots by now and a groups called the sky raiders should. In fact, you might add the complete level range and missing Raider Engineer to your list.
IN CLOSING
Thanks a ton for the feedback! I will be applying it to Robolution soon and may explore some other ideas with the arc too.
Try out my AE Arcs! (solo friendly, canon related, & some contest winners)
| #529832 Rularularian - Heroic - 41-54 | #515140 The Serpent Beyond the Horizon - Heroic - 46-52 | #183832 Save the Diver, Save the World - Vigilante - 25-30 | #245534 Condemning Croatoa - Villainous - 25-33 | #540585 Robolution - Villainous - 25-34 |
I'm assuming you mean this: http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showt...andyman&page=5
I actually have kept the Notepad short notes of every one I've done. Well, short is variable since sometimes my "short" notes are walls of text and sometimes they were replaced with a copy/paste of the Handyman entry itself. Your notes are rather interesting without context:
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Mission Architect Handyman