The Official Steelclaw HLT
By
Ashcraft,
Posted on: 2009-07-05 24:41 in CoH and CoV General Discussions
[ QUOTE ]
The Family
* 200 gallons of Mama Lione's Marinara Masterpiece Sauce
[/ QUOTE ]
Mama Lione left a note on the door. It said "Sonny, move out to the country."
Final Straw, DM/Regen Scrapper
Solari, Fire/Fire Blaster
Real Americana, MA/SR Scrapper
Task Force Timmy, Grav/Rad Controller
Astral Paragon, Spines/Regen Scrapper
Mr Drama King, Katana/Regen Scrapper
Psi-Stunner, Psi/Mental Blaster
What about the...
Rikti
*20 DVDs of 'This Old Mothership with Bob Villa'
*14,000 copies of 'Chang Hu's: You Speak English: Now!'
*1 cryogenic preservation cell for Elvis.
*147 big, metal spikes for Hro'dotz, U'kon grai and Dra'gon.
A Guide to Champion Drama
My Videos
Ashcraft been published.
New One!
[u]Signs your hero or villain is getting too old to stay in the business:[u]
* He defeated a villain today just with his battle yell... that and the false teeth that struck them at 100 miles per hour
* Insurance company refuses to pay the extra for a reinforced walker that can handle Super Speed travel.
* As near sighted as they are teleportation becomes less a travel power and more a health hazard
* They spend enough time in the hospital to earn the day job badge but instead of caregiver or pain specialist they get "Hypochondriac"
* They can only aim Gale at enemies directly behind them... and have no control over when the power fires off.. and no awareness when it does..
* The navigation bar begins to reflect their senility; changing mission objectives every five minutes or so at random.
* Mission objectives start changing to things like: Stop Herbert from Stealing the Last Plate of Green Jell-O in the Home's Kitchen, Use X-Ray Vision While Getting Sponge Bath From Nurse Brittany and (for villains) Place Powdered Kool Aid in Arch-Nemesis' IV Bag - Shake Vigorously
* You're not forgetting where your keys are... to put on pants... who those strangers who say are your kids really are... or the other multitude of things... nope.. it's not Alzheimers.. it's a Nemesis plot
* You have superstrength... but still can't get the lid off that DANGED pickle jar!
* You're a regeneration scrapper but just your everyday ailments exceed the regen cap.
* Your sprint icon is now labelled "shuffle"
* You're a Necromancy Mastermind and all your pets are younger than you.
* You're a Robotics Mastermind and you can't get the <expletive deleted> digital clocks on your bots to stop BLINKING!!
* You go back to Cimerora and meet yourself.
* "She may be old... but I'll tell ya... Illusion Control plus Dementia makes for one crazy Party Chick!!"
* You don't have any control sets but still your story telling is an effective sleep attack.
* Just getting up from a seated position drains your endurance bar.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
[ QUOTE ]
* You don't have any control sets but still your story telling is an effective sleep attack.
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Sonic Blast's "Siren's Call" is now called "When I Was Your Age"?
when you try to use the call contact feature, and you get the error message "how do you work this newfangled cell phone thing!?"
I just fell in love with this entire thread....
@The Omega Elementress
Currently playing Project Willow lvl 50 DB/WP Incarnate Shifted Scrapper
This is just pure win covered in awesome sauce.
added to the favorite list.
/goes back to lurking
[u] Still More Signs Your Hero/Villain is Getting Too Old to Stay in the Business[u]
* To get from Atlas Park to Perez Park he first goes to the Hollows, then to Skyway City, then to Perez Park making sure to go up every hill and on-ramp because "Dangit, that's the way they did it in MY day!"
* People start calling him "The Housefly"; not because of his superpowers but due to the way he keeps bouncing off the war walls while flying.
* An Afterlife Advocacy group of Angels and Demons start showing up every time someone attempts to rezz you after a face plant.
* Electrical Powers + Pace Maker = Forced Retirement
* Even though you're a tank you still can't draw any aggro because all your enemies feel guilty about "Hittin' the old fart"
* You're a spines scrapper and can't use your powers because the spines can't nudge through the warts, moles and skin tags.
* Statesman starts calling you gramps.
* When charging into battle your new war cry is "My Hip!!"
* Because of you they expanded the alignment list; now in addtion to Hero, Villain and Neutral they include "Senile".
* In honor of all your prior services they tried to set you up as a trainer. It didn't work out though; since by the time you described to your trainee how things were done in your day, most of his other team mates had already leveled up two more times.
* The sudden surge of power from a level up ding makes you feel like you're 83 again!
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
I'll put in some more updates myself in about a week or so. I have a personal vacation planned and I also need to rewrite some code in FOE to get it working the way I want to before I do more of the "salvaging".
Love your stuff though, Steel.
[u]How Paragon City Prepares for Rikti Invasion Weekends[u]
* All war wall maintenance crew members go on vacation out-of-state.
* All trainers, task force granters and contacts take the "Buckingham Palace Guards' Crash Course On Ignoring People"
* The Municipal Roads and Highways Department puts out the over-time sign up sheet for pot hole repair.
* All City Veterinarians clear their schedules in preparation for the effect the Rikti bombing runs will have on the city's stray animal population.
* Wang's Wok Inn, Crawl Out Chinese restaurant clears out freezer space in anticipation of the effect the Rikti bombing runs will have on the stray animal population.
* Two-for-one "Fight Back!" sale at Mel's Fireworks and Bottle Rockets Emporium
* Local Radio Stations start their "Put our bumper sticker on a Rikti drop ship and win big prizes!" contests.
* Talos Island cancels the "Block Party on the Hill Top" yet again... To be rescheduled for Halloween.
* Azuria releases desperate press statement claiming that rumors that the MAGI vault security is directly linked to the War Wall power grid are completely false.
* Blue Steel considers taking care of the problem by himself but decides to let the kids have their fun instead.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
[ QUOTE ]
[u]How Paragon City Prepares for Rikti Invasion Weekends[u]
* All war wall maintenance crew members go on vacation out-of-state.
* All trainers, task force granters and contacts take the "Buckingham Palace Guards' Crash Course On Ignoring People"
* The Municipal Roads and Highways Department puts out the over-time sign up sheet for pot hole repair.
* All City Veterinarians clear their schedules in preparation for the effect the Rikti bombing runs will have on the city's stray animal population.
* Wang's Wok Inn, Crawl Out Chinese restaurant clears out freezer space in anticipation of the effect the Rikti bombing runs will have on the stray animal population.
* Two-for-one "Fight Back!" sale at Mel's Fireworks and Bottle Rockets Emporium
* Local Radio Stations start their "Put our bumper sticker on a Rikti drop ship and win big prizes!" contests.
* Talos Island cancels the "Block Party on the Hill Top" yet again... To be rescheduled for Halloween.
* Azuria releases desperate press statement claiming that rumors that the MAGI vault security is directly linked to the War Wall power grid are completely false.
* Blue Steel considers taking care of the problem by himself but decides to let the kids have their fun instead.
[/ QUOTE ]
Mad love.
[u]You know your Hero has fallen in Love when:[u]
and
[u]You know your Villain has fallen in Love when:[u]
Now get working, GPSC! 
[u]You Know Your Hero Has Fallen In Love When...[u]
* You go to the character selection screen and there's an empty space where they used to be and scattered rose petals on the floor.
* They begin berating you about not trying harder to defeat Snaptooth during the last Spring Fling for the Hearts design.
* They watch the Manticore/Sister Psyche wedding video over and over and over and over...
* Instead of beating up the street thugs they give them a hug and say "I understand your pain..."
* Flight + SWAT team smoke grenade = Sappy Message Sky-Writing
* Illusion Controller day dreams about their love interest are visible and violate the Teen Rating.
* They refuse to play until you purchase the Wedding Pack.
* They enter into a Leveling Pact without your permission.
* They're already on a Team with someone and you just logged in.
* They've thrown out their Little Black Book to prove their monogamy; unfortunately what they call their Black Book, you call your Global Friend List.
* Unfortunately Mezz resistance doesn't protect against goofy day-dreaming.
* They beat up the Costume Contest judge who didn't vote for their paramour.
* You find a forum post under your name that you don't remember writing demanding /e kiss.
[u]You Know Your Villain Has Fallen In Love When...[u]
* They begin drinking heavily with Scirroco always ending in extended crying jags.
* They carve a heart with their initials inside it in their victim's flesh.
* They make their Thug minions wear suits and ties when they go courting.
* They make their Zombie minions wear suits and ties when they go courting.
* He cancel's his membership in the Ghost Widow Fan Club.
* They are very particular about what they destroy in their next Mayhem... a news copter taking an overhead shot discovers the wreckage has spelled out "I Love DarkShade".
* They beat the stuffing out of a group of Wailers until their victims finally relent and agree to sing "Glory of Love" as background to their next date.
* After killing all the Wyvern aboard the cargo ship; they decorate it and take their love on a romantic cruise.
* Upon seeing the smile, bubbly personality and serene state of mind... every one of their villain friends think they've Gone Rogue early.
* They spend a fortune at the Facemaker trying to find just the right look to entice their paramour into loving them back.
* They demand you buy the Science Booster just in case their paramour is gay.
* They kidnap Baby New Year, super-glue a pair of wings to his back and suspend him from the ceiling as decoration for their next date.
* Both lovers are Brutes and the villain group base is completely wrecked when next you visit.
* Your Robotics MasterMind tinkers with the robots until they can transform into a bed... a bed with a vibrate feature.
* Both lovers are Mind Control Dominators... they spend the entire date just staring into each other's eyes... but they always smoke a cigarette directly afterwards.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
Everyone seems to be making lists about what to expect at different levels in the game. I don't want to feel left out sooooo...
[u]What Steelclaw's Characters Think At Certain Levels[u]
1st - Hero: Oh dear lord.. the Isolator AGAIN!? Villain: Devs hate Villains my a**.... Jailbird is proof otherwise.
2nd - I've doubled the number of my primary powers in just one level! If this keeps up I'll be omnipotent by the time I reach 20th!!
3rd - Slots?! These things are useless this early on... All they seem to do is make my Powers Screen look like it has pot-holes.
4th - Hey... that first level over there is conning grey to me. Something is conning GREY TO ME!! Oh yes... teh powah.... TEH POWAH!!
5th - That's right little first level Hellion.. you just go ahead and pretend that I'm not here... I know it's because you're terrified inside.. I'm not invisible.. but you're really trying to be right now aren't you? I can hear you muttering under your breath "Please don't see me... please don't see me..."
10th - Hey... why is there this funky color on my advancement bar after my face plant? DEBT!?! The hospital gave me Debt?! I thought you people said my insurance card was accepted here!!
14th - Oh thank the lord... Finally I have my travel power! Hover was taking so long I was thinking about bringing along a portable DVD for an in-flight movie.
15th - AWESOME! I get to choose my first Title... hey... Where the hell is Stud-Monkey?!?
20th - Coolness.. I finally get to unlock my cape.. Oh yeah.. the boss bought the Valkyrie pack... then there are the shoulder capes from the Vet Rewards... huh... I wonder if Statesman realizes he left a bunch of loopholes in the "No Capes Before 20th Level" Rule.
22nd - Well I can finally use SO's... too bad I've been slotting IO's since 12th level...
25th - I was excited at first about being able to enter Ouroboros... but ever since they raised such a stink about me setting up a deck chair by the pool and asking the staff to fetch me a Mai Tai my interest has sort of waned...
30th - I was more excited about Auras until I discovered they didn't have "Strobe Light."
35th - Here I am in the Rikti Warzone for the first time! This is going to be awesome! ... .... ..... What a dump.
40th - Ahhh.. my final costume slot... I'm beginning to feel a little like Liberace with these costume changes.. but I have to admit... I Look FAAAAB-ULOUS!
40th (Villains) - Ahhh... I've slogged my way up through these accursed islands... working for everyone from a mad scientist to a television set... and finally I will be able to establish my independence.. I'll get all the power and not have to answer to ANYONE! What? What do you mean "Patron Powers"?
50th - I am teh Uber! I am teh Powah! I am teh ULTIMATE UBER POWAH!! I've unlocked an Epic Class.. Now I can become Epic! Wait... What? You mean I can't actually BECOME the Epic arche-type? Oh... So what? They'll be my Slave? Henchmen? Flunky? Can they at least be my sidekick/lackey?! Don't *I* get anything for reaching the highest level?! I mean seriously! I've been set on fire, beaten, blasted, tortured, face planted and nuked more times than I can count! And for what? A slightly more fancy Level DING?! Oh what the FU....?
::Screen goes blank for a moment... sign appears reading "Technical Difficulties"::
Steelclaw's Voice-Over: Umm.... let's leave our friend to errr... celebrate their accomplishments for a while.. thanks for watching... (mutters) now where did I put that super-strength sedative?
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
I like it all but...
What's a metric pound?
snip.
"* 10,000 metric pounds of pasta"
snip.
//Jack
The Kickers base.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
-Groucho Marx