The Official Steelclaw HLT
By
Ashcraft,
Posted on: 2009-07-05 24:41 in CoH and CoV General Discussions
Hooray! also SC, i suggest you make a lists of villaingroup's shopping lists sometime, no need to thank me for such a brilliant idea full of potential
I'll be posting these in order of oldest to newest, doing my best to get them right.
First of all, just a link because the oldest thing I found was a Guide that will already never be purged because it's in the guides section. So click the link to find....
Steelclaw's Guide to Protective Parenting!
Awesome. This will in fact be one of the most awesome collection threads ever.
Please read my FEAR/Portal/HalfLife Fan Fiction!
Repurposed
This one is also marked to be saved, so no need to repost it:
Steelclaw's City of Oz!
Brilliant!
The only problem is the messiness that comes along with the forum's inherent hatred of edits. Cause you can't edit a post after X amount of time. 
Still, this will be an excellent resource! I might have to help.
EDIT: Wh-... huh? I did a search and only found 22 threads started by Steelclaw in the last two years! That can't be right.
[ QUOTE ]
Brilliant!
The only problem is the messiness that comes along with the forum's inherent hatred of edits. Cause you can't edit a post after X amount of time.
Still, this will be an excellent resource! I might have to help.
[/ QUOTE ]
That's why I'm not going to bother to edit the OP, besides, I think it's funnier to read people's reactions afterwards as well, like the UniqueDragon thread. Getting to the end is more than half the fun!
Here we go with the oldest that I could find that survived the purge.
I'm also going to do a BIT of editing to make them more "spiffy" and more pleasing to read, using CoH FOE. Not to worry, I won't be adding tons of color all over.
That being said....
[u]Steelclaw's Salvage Your Fate[u]
So I was thinking again
despite the fact that my thoughts have taken a restraining order out against my brain
about the new tell fortune power in the magic set. It's very cool and all, but I was wondering what would be a better way for your heroes or villains to know what their future held for them.
So I introduce to you the City of Heroes/Villains Horoscope! Now, we can't very well base our horoscope on the stars since the ones in Paragon and Rogue Isles never change. So, your CoX horoscope sign is dependent entirely on the very first piece of salvage you receive when first running the character. Like the astrological horoscopes of our world, they combine a list of personality traits and possible future omens based on the characteristics of what you find.
And, in response to the comments I am sure I am about to get: Yes, as a matter of fact I DO have far too much time on my hands.
<ul type="square">[*]Alien Blood Sample: This rare drop is probably best left rare. You are out there in left field, unable to connect well with other players in teams. You feel vaguely guilty during Rikti Invasions and Vanguard billboards upset you.[*]Ancient Artifact: You have much better luck against "ancient enemies" like Circle of Thorns. Those "new-fangled" Malta and Freakshow are best avoided. You spend most of your time complaining about how "in my day there weren't any fancy travel powers, not only didn't we have Sprint we didn't even have Boots as a costume choice!"
[*]Architect Ticket: You are disconnected from reality and see things that really aren't there. You have a tendency to want to live in the fast lane and get impatient when the level ding isn't sounding at least once every ten minutes or so. Direct sunlight scares you.
[*]Base Salvage: You are living in the past; it's time to move forward with the times. On the plus side, you have just received the Entrusted With The Secret Badge!
[*]Boresight: You are exceptionally far sighted. You plan out your character's slotting and power selection before you even create them. Your character's accuracy is going to be exceptional as they continue onwards. Let's just say if you're running a katana scrapper you can make a day job out of neutering flies
while they're still in the air.
[*]Brass: Loud and obnoxious are two words that describe you perfectly, at least two POLITE words that do so. You tend to use the broadcast channel even when speaking to your team mates who are in a different zone. On the plus side, you get Taunt without having to purchase it through sheer enemy irritation.
[*]Chemical Formula: Drugs are bad, m'kay? Your Sprint should be changed to Stumble. You see the world as though through a swirling force field haze even when you haven't seen a bubbler all day. You are perfectly content hanging out under Atlas and begging people for munchies. Note: This is the best possible salvage drop for an Illusion Controller.
[*]Clockwork Gear: Your character is so organized and precise they make Howard Hughes seem slipshod. You don't care about graphics since you can't see them through all the information windows crammed on your screen. You simply can't live without knowing the exact buff statistics when some wandering kinetics defender zaps you with speed boost on the fly. Mids screams when it sees you log on.
[*]Clockwork Winder: You always start out strong in any situation but before long you begin to run out of gas. It's as if your energy level slowly deteriorates over time the longer you stay at something. Like a draining battery. No, more like a rolling ball slowing due to friction. Nah
Hmm.. I'll come up with a better metaphor later.
[*]Complex Chemical Formula: Same as Chemical Formula but with an extra helping of paranoia just for fun! Don't bother making a team because they're all out to get you anyway. Unlike Chemical Formula people you CAN'T hang out anywhere for long because if a civilian walks by and mentions you by name you are immediately sure that he's one of THEM and THEY know where you are now! What really ticks you off, though, is the lack of a Tin Foil Hat option in helmets.
[*]Computer Virus: I'm not going to bother telling you your future since your computer won't be able to run City for much longer anyway.
[*]Daemon Program: "A hidden, resident computer program." The hidden program serves as a little entity that follows you around. If you receive this on an odd level of experience then the entity is a poltergeist who just revels in tripping you up, making sure you miss directly after popping a yellow inspiration, waiting until you are in an epic battle to send you into map server disconnect, etc. If you get it on an even level then you get an angel named Murray. Murray doesn't do much for you except keep the poltergeists at bay. You can always tell Murray's around by the faint smell of garlic in the air.
[*]Enriched Plutonium: Provided you can avoid the authorities who would like to "talk" to you about where you got this stuff, you have a very bright future to look forward to. Bright as in "glow in the dark". You really should have checked the seal on that container before you picked it up. Note: This is a good omen for those with radiation emission, radiation blast or those who always wished they never had to shave again.
[*]Heads Up Display: You always know what's best to do in any situation. This is great when you are soloing but not so good on teams. It's not that you don't know what to do while on teams; it's that no one ever listens. You will spend most of your days writing posts in the forums complaining about how stupid the people you played with last night are.
[*]Heavy Water: Your future will include a great many chat messages of "brb bio."
[*]Human Blood Sample: If you received this from Skulls, Lost, Hellions, etc then you will be a dervish in battle! You will PWN your enemies through glorious combat and the civilians around you shall call out your name in praises of awe at your incredible pugilistic skills! If you got this from a Clockwork you will be confused. Very, very confused.
[*]Inanimate Carbon Rod: It just sits there. No matter how long you stare at it, it just isn't animate. Let's face it; you're not the brightest light on the Christmas tree. It's a CARBON ROD! Why do you expect it to animate? How in the heck did you manage to find an enemy to get this from in the first place? How did you even manage to load the game? Oh, I'm sorry. I really should apologize
I wasn't thinking. Here
let
me
talk
slower
does
that
help?
[*]Lament Box: You complain. A lot. You're leveling too slowly. Your team mates are idiots. Anyone who uses MA to farm is wrong and ruining the game. Well CRUD, they just nerfed MA farming. What's next?! Are they gonna nerf Brawl?! On the other hand, you have an excellent career as a forumite ahead of you.
[*]Luck Charm: Everything you touch turns golden. You have it made in the shade. No, seriously, at this point you could be a soloing defender with brawl six slotted with nothing but recharge reduction and still run the Statesman Task Force without a hitch.
[*]Mutant Blood Sample: Your name is WolfReen, Wulvarine, WolverTeen or Hugh Jackman. You're not aware that there ARE other options beyond Claws/Regen Scrapper. You've been generic'd more times than a WalMart shopping list. You'd be playing right now but you're on the way to see the Origins movie for the third time this week.
[*]Page from the Malleus Mundi: Yeah, you're a few pages short of a book there Skippy. Despite your absent minded insanity, which is kind of endearing actually, you are a dervish in a fight. If your team doesn't show up at the mission door on time they'll find out you've already cleared the mission instead of waiting. Note: If your forum name is Steelclaw you will immediately try to come up with new lyrics for the Bangles' song "Manic Monday." It's just another Malleus Mundi
ooh oh.. Lookin' like it's dooms day
A 'send 'em to their tombs' day
just another Malleus Mundi.
[*]Plasma Capacitor: You're just a little on the short tempered side. Those dents on your walls are from various computer components thrown at high velocity. You wish there was a universal PvP not because you want to fight other players so much as you desperately want to beat the tar out of your team mates for being so stupid.
[*]Polycarbon: You are destined never to win a single costume contest. People laugh as you walk by while pointing at what you're wearing. You need to avoid open flames at all costs. Your endurance takes a serious hit when you run due to your skin's inability to breathe
wait
oh
PolyCARBON
I thought it said polyester, my bad.
[*]Psionic Ectoplasm: You are a deep thinker and of a philosophical bent. On teams this gets in the way because you would prefer to stand around discussing tactics before every new mob. Your team has been known to abandon you after faceplants since you invariably begin to discuss the nature of death and mortality. You have a great career ahead of you if you prefer to solo because you will always be able to out think and out maneuver your enemies. You will also take 2 years to get to 20th level as you plot and plan every battle out on graph paper ahead of time.
[*]Psionic Manifestation: "A remnant of a psychic manifestation." Okay, make up your mind, are you a Psionic Manifestation or a REMNANT of a Psionic Manifestation? You are confused and confusing to those around you. You often contradict yourself, sometimes in the same sentence. You are the one who creates a scrapper and invests only in the Medicine pool because you really wanted to run a healer.
[*]Psionically Charged Brass: Similar to Brass, but much more cunning about it. In most Psychological Profiling Manuals your picture is located firmly in the section on passive aggressive behavior. You prefer running Defenders so you can withhold buffs and/or healing from the team mates who upset you. A MasterMind with this salvage omen will feel in their element but run the risk of their pets seeking employment opportunities elsewhere.
[*]Runebound Armor: It's all about the costume, baby. It's better to look good than to feel good in your opinion. You will gladly spend all day in the costume creator to get the look just right, you only wish they had a button in the creator to change the light quality to match those found in-game. Any costume contest you don't win is obviously fixed. They may as well just give you the Icon day job badge as soon as you enter the tutorial.
[*]Scope: You're focused on future plans, sometimes to detriment of what's going on right in front of you. You already have your Soldier of Arachnos's slotting planned to 35th level and the highest villain you have in your account is 5th.
[*]Simple Chemical: Yeah, see, drinking this was probably a bad idea. Now your brain cells are dying faster than a hellion in Peregrine Island. I'd tell you what your future is going to be like but you're going to be distracted by the pretty colors soon anyway.
[*]Soulbound Armor: "A piece of armor with an unwilling soul bound into it." You are conflicted. You created a scrapper but now you really think a defender would have been the better choice. Or maybe you should just skip the hero thing and go create a villain instead. You really can't wait until "Going Rogue" is live
on the other hand
you've heard some good things about WoW.
[*]Source Code: You like this character but what you're really looking forward to is the power set coming out in three or four issues. That and the costume pieces, not to mention that awesome new Accolade badge that's down the road a bit. Too bad they're going to cancel your account for violating the PIGG file restrictions for the 10th time in a row.
[*]Spell Scroll: Ur karaktar Rouge Angle iz gr8t! U totolee PWNZ teh 733t sawse in CoX! U hayt pepl who do'nt no teh diffrenz tween LFT & LFG. WTF?! U dont unnerstand Y pepl dont wana chat with U.
(On a side note; that last one just made my spell checker commit suicide.)
[*]Spiritual Essence: You are always willing to help out other people with their troubles. Newb players absolutely adore you because you hand out free influence as generously as you do advice. The only downside is you will never in your gaming career succeed in a timed mission because you are wracked by guilt if you try to run past a mugging scene on the street without helping.
[*]Strand of Fate: You have an uncanny ability to manipulate the destinies of those around you. With delicate fingers you lead team mates to the mission you prefer while getting them to give you preferred drops. You look forward to Going Rogue so you can see how many heroes you can turn to the darkness and how many villains you can lead to the light. When you see a Fake Nemesis, you never fight it, you simply pat it on the shoulder and wink.
[*]Symbiotic Armor: You are always more comfortable in a team. The extra experience is nice, not to mention the exciting battles, but ultimately it's the camaraderie that wins you over every time. In fact, you tend to feel antsy when not on a team. It's not like you're co-dependent or anything. You could solo if you really wanted to. Sure you could. In fact, just last week you soloed just fine! Although that was your level pacted character. And you DID have a printed screen shot of your pact partner taped to your monitor. And you kept typing in team chat even though you were alone. But it was either that or hyperventilate, so it's really completely understandable.
[*]Temporal Sands: You have a hard time playing the game because of time constraints. So when you do, you have to be doing something at all times when logged in. You always lead your own teams so there will be no debate in setting missions. Regardless of their chosen travel power every one of your characters has Recall Friend. If you get to the mission door first you start teleporting in your team mates whether they ask for it or not. Those who have their accept TP turned off are automatically booted.
[*]Unearthed Relic: You have a severe case of alt-itis. Indeed, the character you're running now is one you can't remember making in the first place. The counter on the character select screen that tells how many days it's been since last played had its numbers replaced with a row of X's. When you signed it on it took several minutes for all your veteran badge earned messages to finish popping up. You're pretty sure it was created pre-diversification since you have everything six slotted with damage enhancements.
[*]Volume of the Obsidian Librum: You are never without someone to play with because you are the master of social networking. Your global friends list resembles a New York City phone directory. You have filled out ratings and comments on people you stood next to in a costume contest. RFT spammers would LOVE to have your mailing list. In your case Volume of the Obsidian Librum = Little Black Book. [/list]
Editor's Note: Below is a song of Steelclaw's that was posted later on in the thread form whence this list came, saved for posterity.
(To the tune of "Manic Monday" by the Bangles)
Level six already
I was just in the middle of a team
I was beatin on some Circle
In the blue cavern 5-layer scheme
Then I got a drop
That soon sent me down a brand new trail
To destroy the world
And then over the ashes prevail
Ive got another Malleus Mundi
Ill have em all someday
And thatll be a fun day
My blottin out the sun day!
I found another Malleus Mundi
Have to find another one
Cant destroy the world with just nine
But when I find the tenth one
You know then Ill be feelin just fine
But it takes me so long
Cuz I want them but I just dont know where
But Ill keep the faith
And soon Ill plunge the world in despair
Ive got another Malleus Mundi
Ill have em all someday
And thatll be a fun day
My blottin out the sun day!
I found another Malleus Mundi
Then just last night
Why did the Longbow have to pick last night
For their raid?
Defenses dont matter
One strike and now Im shattered
In a downward fade
Its lookin like Ive got no choice
Farmin time, lets round up the boys
Time it goes so slow
Here we go again
Ive found my first Malleus Mundi!
Ill have em all someday
And thatll be a fun day
My blottin out the sun day!
Got back my first Malleus Mundi
[u]Steelclaw's The Scallion[u]
There is a tongue-in-cheek "news" paper in Paragon City called the Scallion. You may have heard about their sister company in this world.
Any-who, I happened across this article from them. If any of you happen to have others, feel free to add them.
The Origin of Disgust
Meta beings of natural origins have throwing knives, magical heroes or villains got their cantrip spells and even those technological wonders all seem to carry tazers up their fully armored sleeves.
But what about Mutants?
Mutants have an ability called Mutagen. They claim its simply a super power that every single one of them possess. An amino acid expectoration that does minimal damage and sometimes causes their opponents to choke for a bit.
[u]The Scallion has discovered otherwise.[u]
Our investigative reporters have done research into this so-called Super Spit Ball and discovered that this is no simple hock-a-loogie attack. For one thing, our staff watched several well known mutants use the power and in every single case they were throwing something with their hand. Further investigation revealed the mutants were not spitting into their hand and throwing it first. In every case the mutant seemed to be reaching towards their chest first before throwing their mutagen. We here at the Scallion filmed such an act with a super slow motion camera and were appalled to discover the hero reaching into their own armpit prior to throwing.
Thats right folks; mutants have been throwing their arm pit cheese at their enemies.
Well its no freakin wonder we all fall to chokin and gaspin after getting hit with that stuff, said a Hellion member who wished to remain anonymous. You can just imagine the smell it gets up to after buildin up a sweat fightin all day.
Although the PPD police chief refused comment, we here at the Scallion have received word that they are in heavy talks with both the Ban Roll-On and Right Guard companies regarding possible counter-measures from the villains of the mutant community.
Editor's Note: This post came about because of a large number of "open letters". Open letters to the Devs, open letters to the Community, etc. The Editor must, in full disclosure, state that he is guilty of one of these.
[u]Steel Claw's Various Kinds of Letters to Various People [u]
I figured I'd jump on the band wagon..
<ul type="square">[*]An open ended letter to the forum: U[*]A series of letters regarding the series of letters currently sweeping the forum: WTF[*]Letters to the guy wondering why the girls are all pointing at him and laughing: XYZ PDQ[*]A message to the person also suffering from food poisoning: OU812[*]To the guy with the terminally slow computer when you all enter the mission door at the same time: CUL8R[*]To the guy who always quits the team when people take too long between missions: YUH82W8[*]To everything that ever happens on Pinnacle after the statement "Hold My Beer and Watch This": LOL[*]To everyone running a mute character on Virtue who eventually gets sick of the communication barrier: OOC FTW[*]To all the thoughtful, well considered dialog that the hard-working creator put into his AE mission which became the latest one beloved by farmers: TLDR[*]To all the teen age boys first trying out the game and seeing the costume category to show skin and the boob slider: Y UZ COH4XXX[*]In response to ANY attempt to get a developer to quantify "Soon": ROFLMAOWMBMOTHWWBFWRCC[/list](A little help with that last one for those not in the know: Rolling on floor laughing my a** off while monkeys beat me over the head with wiffle bats filled with rotten cottage cheese)
[u]Steelclaw's Mystery Solved![u]
I finally figured it out!
Ever since I've been a member of this fine, outstanding community of CoX forumites the incredible abilities of the Paragon City civillians has been a subject of much joking and conjecture. We have at once both lamented and lauded their seeming invulnerability to attack, incredible leaping abilities and endless endurance (at least when it comes to purse tug of wars).
Well, at last I feel I am able to put this mystery to rest.
Every civilian in Paragon City is, in fact, a hero. Yep, that's right. Every one you see walking in the streets who isn't an enemy is actually a super hero in their secret identity.
Think about it! Clark Kent always has to play the bumbling, helpless buffoon when there are witnesses around! You see him cowering before a man with a gun, but the second you turn your back.. WHAM! Unconscious bad guy!
This also explains some of the wierd comments civies say. They're forever going on and on about how nice your costume is. That's because they're comparing it to their own! And that business about "I've changed my mind about capes." Has nothing to do with how they feel about super heroes.. you just helped them come to a fashion decision!
One good thing about this is that you no longer have to feel guilty about walking on by those people getting mugged or intimidated without helping. Rest assured that the moment you are out of sight the "victim" is going to make a miraculous come back.
In fact; I would hazard a guess that the only Non-Meta people in Paragon city besides the criminals are the Police. Kinda sad, huh?
_________________________________
Editor's Note: Later in the thread...
_________________________________
Scene at a Paragon City school for adult education:
"Welcome back class. Tonight we are going to review the lessons we learned last week for how to react to a street thug when you are in your secret identity. Now, what was the word I asked you all to remember?"
"Crap!"
"Right, C.R.A.P.
Cower back in fear.
Run away as though in terror.
Assume your hero garb once out of sight.
Pummel the bad guy once you go back."
Epic thread full of epic lists is epically funny...
City of Heroes taught me that when the world is burning, you don't just stand by and watch, you grab a fire extinguisher and do whatever you can to stop it-even if it's not much at all. Sign the petition to keep City of Heroes alive HERE.
@MissKyo, Leader of the Teamsters coalition on Protector
[ QUOTE ]
Wh-... huh? I did a search and only found 22 threads started by Steelclaw in the last two years! That can't be right.
[/ QUOTE ]
It's called The Purge.
Fear it!
[u]Steelclaw's Expansion After Going Rogue[u]
After a week of hiding out in the various trash cans at NorCal (BaB's was my favorite one to hide in, he always had the best doughnuts) I have managed to ferret out information about the expansion that will be happening AFTER the Going Rogue one.
It will be obstensibly titled City of Heroes: Golden Age. It will be about those glorious heroes and dastardly villains who were fighting back in the 1940's and 50's. No, it won't be about them back then, it will allow you to play them as they are NOW.
It will be sub-titled: Going Senile.
Some of the features of City of Heroes: Golden Age; Going Senile:
1) New travel power in the pool powers: Super Wheelchair which will include the tier one powers of Trick Riding(def buff), Coasting (zero end cost at sprint speeds), Turbo Props (faster superspeed with poorer handling) and Rockets (flight)
2) Clothing With Skin costumes will now have the Depends option.
3) For those who have been clamoring for the walk emote you will be met half way as the devs will introduce the Walker emote.
4) The Geriatric Arch Type:
<ul type="square">[*]Includes a large number of sleep based powers both against your enemies ("Why when *I* was a hero we didn't have that fancy Spandex stuff; we wore burlap and we liked it!" "That's nice grandpaa.. ZZzzzzZZzzz..") and as self heals ("Just a little nap before going to sleep I think.")
[*]Has the Senility inherent power. Open up new mission possibilities with this inherent. Every time you are headed towards a mission door you have a percentage chance of stopping suddenly and muttering. "Now what the heck was I doin' again?" At this point the mission in your mission list and the navigation bar will change to something completely different. Adventure for you and confusion for your contacts!
[*]New weapon selection: The Cane. Does smashing damage with a chance to stun. At lower levels the attacks will debuff the victim who is humiliated at being beaten by an old fart in public. Higher level attacks cause allies within range to act as though disoriented as they laugh themselves silly.
[*]Charge up defense. Similar to Brute's fury or Dominator's domination bars; this bar will charge up as the Geriatric fights. When it is full the hero/villain will give a mighty cry of "My Hip!" and fall down writhing. This immediately summons two dozen pets dressed as medical staff. The staff will heal and buff the Geriatric and all his/her allies in the area.
[*]The Psychological Torture secondary will be available to all Geriatrics. Examples of powers include: "Why Don't You Call Anymore?", "Let Me List My Illnesses", "Why Can't You be More Like Your Brother?" and "You Put Me In A HOME You Ba***rd!"[/list]
5) All in-game Hospitals will now be fleshed out as completely as the AE buildings or Pocket D. There will be multiple rooms with different kinds of doctors or specialists. Geriatric arche types will gain experience points for special AT-specific missions called "Track Down a Diagnosis."
6) New costume pieces: Hospital Johnny, Pants Pulled Up To Armpits, Ear Hair, Sandals with Socks and Plaid, Plaid, PLAID!
7) The boob slider will now have a "gravity" slider option as well.
8) The bio section of your character will allow the option of changing the title from "Bio" to "In MY Day..." Once changed to the latter option the text space will increase enough to hold a small novel.
9) A new type of inspiration called "Fiber"; 'nuff said.
10) Those buying the collector's edition box of City of Heroes: Golden Age; Going Senile will get a special click power. The power only works in Pocket D. Approach DJ Zero and click; your character screams "You call that music?!" At which point a record player scratching sound effect occurs and the club track switches to Big Band music for the next several minutes.
11) New Hero Zone: Happy Acres Retirement Community
12) New Villain Zone: Lou's Discount Retirement Penitentiary
13) Senior Citizen's Discounts at Wentworth's/Black Market
14) AE Tickets? Reward Merits? Vanguard Merits? All old and forgotten. The new standard: Gift Certificates to Country Buffet!
15) Finally you will be able to respec all your powers AND AT. Not because you fell in a vat of toxic waste, got bitten by a radioactive ant-eater or made an incredible scientific discovery. No. Just because you're Going Senile and woke up this morning thinking you were a Peppermint Fairy with minty-fresh blaster powers.
Wow.. this was a surprise!
I would like to start out by saying that I absolutely, in no-way-shape-nor-form requested this or even expected something like this. I have sneaking suspicions regarding PK's ulterior motives for doing this..
1) Pure popularity push; padding post production by pillaging puns & pundits from pre-history.
2) Everyone's tired of seeing Steelclaw, Steelclaw, Steelclaw in the author's list and... since they can't seem to shut the fool up.. they'll at least keep him confined to one thread.
But, for whatever reason, thanks for the idea. We'll give it a roll and see how it works. The only thing I ask about my new room... why are the walls padded?
[ QUOTE ]
Hooray! also SC, i suggest you make a lists of villaingroup's shopping lists sometime, no need to thank me for such a brilliant idea full of potential
[/ QUOTE ]
Interesting idea.. okay.. to cristen the thread with my first official HLT... I'll respond to the first request in it.
And I'll thank you for your "Brillian idea full of potential" if I danged well feel like it!!
Thank you.
Ahem...
Hellions -
* picante sauce for gang's pot luck supper
* bactine
* 200 metric tons of asbestos
* stickers to indicate how many pets are inside in case of building fire
* 2:00pm appt with insurance adjustor to discuss why home insurance premiums are so high
Skulls
* Bone-be-Bright mask polish
* Gift baskets for first time superadine purchasers
* Kinko's- print out 200 pamphlets on "How far away to stand from vandalized car when it explodes"
* 25 "I Love Kings Row" tee shirts for new Bone Daddy promotions
Vahzilok
* Ultra-Laundry Detergent : Gets out even the toughest stains
* 500 pair of Custom black leather Depends - at least until Doc Vahz can fix that "Back flow" problem from the projectile vomiting
* 10 body bags - was listed at 100 but have decided to recycle old ones due to budget constraints
* $60,000 worth of Taco Bell gift cards - for replenishment of supply when the Abomination's run out of "Juice"
Lost
* Digital converter boxes for tv-helmet heads
* 50 refrigerator boxes as part of new recruit enticement package
* The new Rikti Martin CD
* First season of Lost on blu-ray... (this is crossed out on the list with the words "Show not about what we thought!" written to one side of it.)
Circle of Thorns
* Ghost Busters soundtrack as gag gift for Roy's birthday bash
* 75 fog machines; 50 gallons of green mist-dye
* AVIS Maps to Forgotten Cities and Lost Civilizations
Council
* 200 "I Visited the Issue 15 Task Force and all I Got Was This Lousy Tee Shirt" Shirts
* 500 giant economy sized flea and tick collars
* Deluxe Tanning Bed for Vampyri - KEEP THE RECEIPT!!
Clockwork
* Super Glue - guaranteed to keep your head firmly attached!
* 200 yards of Hamster Tubing for inside those of us carrying Gears
* Isok's Preserves Jars and Supplies - try to find one big enough to house a human brain & pair of eyes.
That's a good start... may come up with a few more later..
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
Nice! 
Well, after all the editing, I'm going to take a break today, but it's a start. More to come soon.
if this doesn't get sticky'd, i have lost all faith in anything good.
This thread wins a whole internet.
No, two!
You could compile the lists at the Ouro Portal.
Teams are the number one killer of soloists.
[u]Villain Shopping Lists Part 2[u]
Captain Mako
* 500 Tubes of Halibut flavored toothpaste
* Tartar sauce flavored "love oil" for evening with Barracuda
* 10 gauge strength steel dental floss
* Build-A-Bear tailored suit for Mister Fluffy-Fins
FreakShow
* 200 gallons of Turtle Wax
* 75 units of deoderant for Juicer Chiefs since outlaw of bathing following the Paragon Powergrid incident
* This week's issue of Rolling Iron magazine
* 2,000,000 AA batteries
Luddites
* Subscription to Amish Hotties magazine; this month is the Exposed Ankles issue!!
* Order of 500 units from Signs-R-Us... keep the receipt this time. Always remember the "Aeon's Pipe Has Penetrated a Demon!" snafu.
Carnival of Shadows
* 100 cushioned interior, floral scented buckets for new male recruits.
* 25 silk handkerchiefs for creation of 50 costumes for new female recruits
* 50 bottles of Porcelain Cleaning Solution for the masks; Boss says she doesn't care if toilet bowl cleaner is cheaper and works just as well.
* 200 silk pillows for company picnic; ensure seams have been reinforced for the Sacred Centennial Pillow Fight.
* 10 sets of tongs for removal/retrieval of failed T-back costume design attempts.
Arachnos
* 100 used sets of Authentic Star Wars Stormtrooper uniforms
* 200 cans of black spray paint
* 50 strings of ALL RED Christmas tree lights; do not get the ones that blink, Wolf Spiders complained of dizziness from the last ones
* The Little Contortionist Limb Stretching Machine for the new Tarantula Mistress recruits
* 200 pallets of Depends undergarments for the Mu Mystics; this should be the last order since the implementation of Velcro rather than belt buckles on their uniforms
* 500 cans of hair spray for the Fortunata (well, why do YOU think their helmets are that tall?)
* Copies of the latest musical CD, Arbiter Sands: Live from Las Vegas!
Ghost Widow
* Ghost in BluRay
* Renew subscription to World Obituaries website; remember to put flag on Sean Connery
* Visit all Sean Connery's fan sites; buy any items that actually belonged to him then test for authenticity. The spell calls for close personal effects ONLY!
* 500 lbs of Janitorial Vomit Clean-Up Powder for invaders who couldn't handle the Tilt-A-Whirl Hold Attack.
* 600 Automatic Air Fresheners for Wretch's room
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
You could write those shopping lists all day.
*whipcrack*
[ QUOTE ]
* 500 lbs of Janitorial Vomit Clean-Up Powder for invaders who couldn't handle the Tilt-A-Whirl Hold Attack.
[/ QUOTE ]
Good times, good times.
Nice thread by the way. 
This thread makes me very happy.
Part of Sister Flame's Clickey-Clack Posse
The English language is an intricate high-speed precision tool.Stop using it to bang open coconuts. ~Tokamak
Dark_Respite's Video page
[u]Villain Shopping Lists Part 3[u]
Banished Pantheon
* Fabric Softener... LOTS and LOTS of fabric softener
* 200 bottles of moisturizer for the Dry Chambers & Dry Husks
* Latest EMO CDs for the Spirit of Sorrow
* Gift Certificate to Ernie's Adult Books & Sundries for Spirit of Desire
* Book on IRS Tax Law Changes for Spirit of Pain
* Complete Collected Works of Harry Bellafonte for the Totem
The Cabal
* 10,000 Get Well Soon cards for Katie Hannon; remember to reduce order frequency now that "quick Katie's" are no longer so much in vogue.
* Recipe Book: 500 Recipes for Fresh Pumpkin
* 400 "Save Sally" tee shirts
Cimeroran Traitors
* Minotaur-sized tee shirt reading: "I'm not a cow.. but if you milk me you'll have a friend for life."
* 100 boxes of giant economy-sized contact lenses for Cyclops
* 50 bags of Nictus Chow
* BluRay of the uncut version of Caligula
Coralax
* Gift certificates to Sam's Sushi Hut
* Signs reading "Blue", "Green" and "Red" so color-blind players can tell the two hybrid types apart
* Soundtrack to The Little Mermaid
Devouring Earth
* Joke stickers reading "Hi! My name is Barney!" for all the Rubbles
* 25 Metric tons of E-Z Grow Fertilizer
* 10,000 small plastic ziploc baggies; for the storage of pieces from the "Special" Fungoids prior to sale and/or distribution
* Electron Microscope and Hi-Resolution viewing screen... so Hamidon can talk to its relatives
* Giant tee shirt reading "Taken for Granite" for the.. um... aw you get the joke..
The Family
* 200 gallons of Mama Lione's Marinara Masterpiece Sauce
* 10,000 metric pounds of pasta
* BluRay versions of every Godfather movie and mafia-inspired flick in existence
* "What S'amatta U." faux-college tee shirts
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
Ooh, I got one! I got one!
Outcasts
* Eggs
* Milk
* Bread
* Cat food
Wait, I think I may have done it wrong.... 
So, Steelclaw. With all of your brilliant humorous lists out there, I figured the best way that we can view them all is for you to keep them all posted in one thread. Then everyone can enjoy your funny quips all in one place! On top of that, it'll give you a place where people can post random comments and you can comment on those comments!
So, I hereby designate this thread as...
[u]The Official Steelclaw Humorous List Thread[u] (or HLT for short)
I'm going to go through the effort of searching through the boards and collect all of Steelclaw's humorous lists and combine them all here.
And if Steelclaw humors me, I'd love it if he'd consolidate all his future lists to this thread, and perhaps we might be able to talk the Mods into giving it protection from deletion and perhaps a sticky!
What do you all say!