*giggles*
I liked it! 
Day 21:
2:00 PM
Quick bounce-back from being run over promising sign. Invade home once more, find wife cleaning up childrens' toys in living room. Am flailed into submission by child's wooden toy on a string; find self wishing Captain Amazing would come home and throw me through wall. Would be less painful.
6:00 PM
Revive to find self duct-taped to lamppost immediately opposite Amazing household. Upside down. Captain Amazing comes home, returns me to base, javelin style, still attached to lamppost. Landing likely to hurt.
6:25 PM
Was correct. Landing painful. Losing consciousness now.
Day 26:
10:00 AM
Have procured tank. Plan to level house in its entirety. Unfortunately, am unclear on exact position of firing button for main gun. Will peruse while in transit.
11:15 AM
Have found firing button, finally. Unfortunately, found it by bumping into it. Am discovering that cargo ships float poorly with eight-foot hole in side. Panic, attempt to drive tank out. After all, cargo ship is nothing but disguise.
11:20 AM
Apparently, cargo ship not merely disguise. Tank also floats poorly, even without eight-foot hole in hull. Both tank and ship rentals; Dr. McDemon unlikely to be pleased.
2:00 PM
Dr. McDemon, indeed, displeased. Oddly, seems more upset about seawater dripped on carpet. Dragged away to be tortured.
5:00 PM
Torture less painful than encounters with Mrs. Amazing. Puzzling. Torturer gives up, disheartened. Shouted at for depressing torturer, sent to room without dinner.
Day 31:
12:00 PM
Have not eaten since lunch, five days ago. Approach Amazing household once more; hunger clouding judgement, no plan. Decide to raid kitchen before attacking wife.
12:05 PM
Find Amazing family (minus slightly larger small child, who is apparently at school) seated at table, eating. Surprises all around.
12:10 PM
Wife sets fourth place for me, offers dinner. Badly confused, too hungry to care.
12:30 PM
Chastised for poor manners, but am no longer half-delirious from hunger. Remember original purpose, pull out knife. Captain Amazing throws me through wall to applause of small child.
Day 33:
3:00 PM
Awaken from coma with primal scream, assault Nurse for vaguely resembling wife of Captain Amazing. Am clocked by bedpan.
3:15 PM
Awaken again, more controlled, but still boiling with rage and renewed sense of purpose.
3:20 PM
Mystery solved; apparently Dr. McDemon has been playing subliminal motivational tapes while am comatose. Dr. is pleased tapes work so well; Nurse hears this and tenders her resignation with some force.
3:30 PM
Dr. McDemon has regained consciousness after being clocked by bedpan; tells me that there is 'support' coming to attack Mrs. Amazing this time.
3:40 PM
Have met "Bubba". Bubba very, very large. Am frightened. Still, should prove effective in restraining Mrs. Amazing while fatal blow is delivered.
6:25 PM
Approach Amazing household with caution. Coast is clear, Captain Amazing is out on emergency call. Pull out knife, prepare to attack.
6:35 PM
Last sight of Bubba had him curled in the fetal position sucking his thumb. Wife hit him in groin with vacuum cleaner powerhead, then over the head, then turned it on and jammed his nose in it. Then turned attention on me. Judging by smell... and feel... head has been tied in diaper bag. Very little air. Do not wish to breathe what air is here.
6:40 PM
Comfortably familiar feeling of hurtling through multiple walls informs me that Captain Amazing is home. Believe am beginning to recognize individual joists.
Day 37:
6:00 PM
Experiencing bizarre deja-vu watching Road Runner cartoons in hospital bed. Source of deja-vu unclear. Find that Bubba has quit for job as Aeon Corp guinea pig, citing 'safety concerns' with working conditions here. Not certain on meaning- workplace is fully OSHA compliant.
Day 38:
9:30 AM
Back to fighting trim again! Discover that Dr. McDemon has time-share on Killsat; request usage of, but am told that someone has to be at ground zero for targetting. Shrug, take targetting laser. Back to the Amazing house!
12:15 PM
Hide in bushes of house across street, 'paint' house carefully with laser. Killsat coming over horizon in minutes; destruction of house assured.
12:30 PM
Awaken in Amazing kitchen with vague memories of world going white behind me. Apparently was pointing laser wrong way. Lay still, hoping family will think am dead. Unfortunately, rapidly coming to realize that have landed facedown in the scalloped potatoes on the kitchen table. Smells delicious, but am rapidly beginning to feel slightly roasted.
12:31 PM
Leap up with face feeling like is on fire. Get thrown out through walls again. Thinking of naming joist that always breaks ribs "George". Must get name of contractor- he does solid work. Perhaps Captain Amazing gets volume discount?
Day 39:
Time unsure
Awakened early by Dr. McDemon screaming at me. Is displeased. Amazing Friends (Captain Amazing's supergroup, apparently) has found and de-orbited killsat. Still had seven payments on it; is coming out of my paycheque. Am sent to be tortured again.
10:00 AM
Torturer has burst into tears and quit. Apparently took me twenty minutes to notice he had started. Dr. McDemon deeply unhappy, but unable to have me tortured as torturer has quit. Should not have reminded him of this; has had me strapped into deathtrap instead. Spend time while walls are closing attempting to think up new plan for eradication of wife of Captain Amazing.
8:00 PM
Bored. Shark has gotten jammed in gears that close wall, and whole thing has come to juddering halt. Eventually climb spikes out of pit and sit on laser-table to have smoke. Crotch-laser surprisingly good cigarette lighter.
9:00 PM
Dr. McDemon comes in, finds me, throws hands in air, and sends me to fix broken deathtrap, muttering something about horrible luck.
Day 40:
2:45 PM
Have new plan- will crash plane into house. Worked well in World War II, should still work. Plane secured without incident this morning, and was able to enter Paragon City airspace undetected. Scream "TOSHIIIIIIIIIIIBAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" and dive plane. Wings rip off halfway down, lose control and crash on front lawn. Shakily get out and stand in driveway to inspect remains of plane. Get run over by minivan again; forgot about wife picking up slightly larger small child from school at this time. New plan a bust; need different new plan.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
((by the way, if you read and enjoyed this, feel free to comment- the format means that it doesn't matter much if it's broken up a bit))
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
((Any suggestions on improvements are also welcomed, since this is mostly stream-of-consciousness random gabble evolved out of boredom and a 'net connection at work 
As the man said, 'Dying is easy; comedy is hard.', although the endeavour of combining the two was never expounded on...))
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
This is pretty good, if violent. The gag with him coming to recognize (and name) individual joists is comedy gold, as far as I'm concerned...
This is gold.
Pure. Gold.
Please, more, more! I want to see how this pain-resistant bumbling minion gets out to be! Will he gain anything else? So far we know that he is
A: A typical, bumbling minion, who just recently joined up.
B: Has rediculously high levels of pain tolerance, even though it seems like he feels pain more when he notices it is there...
C: Wears a modified Freakshow suit as body armor.
D: Has a 7.5 on a scale of ten on his evil laugh!
Smells like...Jenkins...
((My as-yet-nameless Henchie would doubtless recognize a kindred spirit if he met Jenkins, but his origins owe more to Wile E. Coyote (well, that and this Something Positive strip, although I like to think my humour is a bit less... nasty and hard-edged) than the ever-luckless villain temp.
Oh, and Blarg? The Freakshow suit was dismantled by Captain Amazing's six-year-old with a screwdriver, so it's kinda kaput.))
Day 41
7:00 AM
Wake up early; first day off conscious, determined not to waste it. Suggest that other henchies and myself hang out. Strange smiles at suggestion; uneasy feeling returning.
Day 44:
4:00 PM
Have spent last seventy-nine hours hunting for snipe. Exhaustion and suspicion that was all elaborate prank beginning to set in. Am totally lost.
5:30 PM
Found by Dr. McDemon, yelled at for wasting time. Asked how boss found me; apparently, can be tracked at all times using the remote killswitch installed in my head. Is comforting to know that Dr. McDemon can come to my rescue at any time, if need be.
Day 45:
8:00 AM
Inspiration strikes! Wife of Captain Amazing comments (via tapped phone line) that school trip of slightly larger small child is being chaperoned by herself; they are going to Faultline. Will mean dragging body a fair distance to place in fridge, but perhaps worth it; am becoming fond of George, in a strange sort of way, but cannot feel too sorry at delaying next meeting. Set out to prepare ambush.
12:45 PM
Am thoroughly lost; followed directions given, ended up someplace called "New Overbrook". Am unsure if is even correct city. Stupid Mapquest.
1:00 PM
Decided to investigate New Overbrook, see if ambush could be salvaged. Have fallen off cliff and been captured by zombie-things.
3:00 PM
Managed to escape zombie-things when they stopped to argue with mutant hobos over who got to keep me... or possibly eat me. Is not clear. Have fallen off another cliff.
3:30 PM
Sanctuary! Soldiers of Lord Recluse are here, somehow. Run towards them hoping for protection.
3:32 PM
Note to self: do not laugh at those funny-looking maces any more. Considerably more painful than stupid looks suggest. Manage to escape from Spiders by falling off another cliff. How many cliffs does this place need?
4:00 PM
Manage to avoid falling off cliff after being chased by Clockwork, only to be knocked off cliff by flaming ball of metal. Am greatly surprised- is Dr. McDemon's de-orbited killsat. Am tired of living on leftover condiment packets... maybe will stop garnishing wages if I bring most of killsat back to base?
Day 46:
7:00 PM
Killsat heavy. Still not back at base.
Day 47:
5:00 AM
Dr. McDemon displeased at being woken early, even for killsat. Sends me to be tortured. Don't have heart to remind him that torturer quit a week ago.
6:00 AM
Throat sore; tired of sitting in torture room screaming for no reason. May be losing voice. Bunk off for quiet smoke, accidentally find Dr. McDemon in lab. Am surprised- rarely find boss working there. Dr. McDemon complains that de-orbited killsat is kind of useless, even once repaired; suggest using Warburg rocket to re-orbit it. Dr. McDemon nods, agrees could work, then sees who spoke.
7:30 AM
Dr. McDemon has been resuscitated, seems fine, although still in some kind of shock- keeps mumbling nonsense; "He had a good idea..? He had a good idea..? He had a good idea..?" Meaningless. Thankfully new nurse efficient, despite slightly odd looks.
7:35 AM
Nurse threatens to unman me with bonesaw if I call her a 'nurse' again. Nurse is actually 'Meat Doctor'. Why nurse wishes to be called that unclear.
7:45 AM
Have managed to outrun bonesaw-wielding nurse. Maybe she should try to kill Mrs. Amazing. Speaking of which...
Day 48:
9:00 AM
Have been thinking hard for last day; no new plan presenting itself. Decide to ask new nurse for help.
9:20 AM
Have managed to get bonesaw away from nurse. Ask for advice; nurse stares for a long moment, then bursts into deranged laughter. Rates at least an 8.6; impressive. Once nurse has calmed down, she suggests poisoning their water. A surprisingly good idea; while am distracted, nurse makes grab for bonesaw. Retreat seems to be in order.
12:00 PM
Thankfully, bonesaw too heavy for nurse to run quickly with; evasion simple. Reach Amazing household without incident, poison dispenser in hand.
12:30 PM
Have cased joint very carefully; minivan not in driveway, nobody seems to be home. Great luck- Amazing household has gone out for lunch. Break in, begin attatching poison dispenser to kitchen sink.
1:00 PM
Finally finished; plumbing amazingly thirsty work. Grab glass from cupboard and pour self a glass of water from tap.
1:05 PM
Finished just in time- hear minivan turning into driveway. Flinch instinctively. Feeling a bit dizzy. Nerves, maybe? Head for back door.
1:06 PM
Run into Captain Amazing as he is coming in back way. Captain Amazing wearing paper hat from child's party meal. Hard not to stare. Am thrown through walls again; wave to George on way by.
Day 51:
2:00 PM
Wake up in base infirmary. Dr. McDemon there. Ask nervously if poison plot worked. Hands me flyer advertising bottled water that had been stuck to shoe when Captain Amazing threw me through wall last time, informs me that Mrs. Amazing is happy with bottled water delivery and absolutely raving about new dish detergent- all dishes now sparkling clean when washed in sink. Suggest marketing poison as new dish detergent. Dr. McDemon makes unnerving choking noise, attempts to throw me through wall.
2:05 PM
Nurse returns, still carrying bonesaw. Requests Dr. McDemon wait until I have been released from her care before throwing me through wall. Boss agrees with amazing speed, mumbles something about being busy, and disappears. Nurse turns, smiles at me.
2:07 PM
Amazing how fast one can crawl with proper motivation. Am in unfamiliar part of base; hopefully am properly hidden. May need new plan.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Day 54:
Time Unknown
Base larger than expected. Either that or am lacking proper motivation to crawl fast.
Much, much later
Base significantly larger than expected. Dr. McDemon must be getting excellent deal on rent. Think have found exit.
Day 56:
10:30 AM
Came up in some woman's kitchen in St. Martial. Appears to be female-only elective in schools concerning self-defense with frying pan. Ow.
10:45 AM
Am eventually teleported back to base infirmary. Must request tune-up of teleporter; takes far too long to kick in. Nurse still there, grinning and holding bonesaw. Scream like little girl and run.
5:20 PM
Feeling somewhat better; two good meals and a quiet smoke or twelve have done much to calm nerves. Return to base, get shouted at for wasting time again. Am sent to clean shark-bits out of deathtrap and find way to keep them from getting in the gears.
Day 57:
7:00 AM
Get chance to sit and read paper; relaxing morning for a change. Pick up yesterday's paper first, by mistake- notice a Fortunata has started advice column along with usual horoscopes. Glance at personal horoscope- "Beware of women with frying pans". Would have been useful to know yesterday. Pick up today's paper, check advice column- Fortunata going by name "Dear Stabby". Letter catches eye- "Dear Stabby:
I am a hard-working Mastermind, unfortunately saddled with a completely incompetent minion whose only saving graces are being injury-resistant and handy at fixing the classically elegant, but hard-worn, deathtraps that came with my lair. Thus far he has utterly failed to get himself killed accidentally, even as he hopelessly bungles his assigned tasks. What should I do?
Signed,
The Evilust Scots Demon"
Chuckle at letter; glad to be working for a caring boss like Dr. Evilus McDemon, rather than nut like in letter. Consider writing Dear Stabby myself, but decide against- high-ranking woman in viciously cutthroat organization with psychic talents, formidable fighting skills, and vast resources unlikely to be able to help.
8:00 AM
Satellite surveillance reveals that wife of Captain Amazing is gardening; good; has been separated from improvised(?) weaponry.
2:45 PM
Have returned to base to have rake removed from ear. Am mildly surprised- had not realized trowel could be inserted in its entirety into left nostril. Do not wish to approach nurse, but trowel is beginning to itch.
3:20 PM
Success! Trowel and rake still in place, but have managed to abscond with dreaded bonesaw. Can now face nurse with no fear. Well... less fear.
3:30 PM
Bonesaw prominently on display on counter in infirmary upon return. Steal it as well and run, ignoring outraged yell.
3:50 PM
Bonesaw better hidden this time- tossed down old elevator shaft. Return to infirmary, bonesaw once again on counter. Repeat grab-and-run. Bound to work once have found proper hiding place.
4:00 PM
Got smart- tossed bonesaw into positron stream in base' matter/antimatter impacter. Bonesaw now wisp of greasy smoke. Return to infirmary. Bonesaw still there. Scream in frustration, grab and run.
4:01 PM
Peek back into infirmary once is clear nurse not in pursuit. Observe nurse opening cupboard, removing one of dozens of bonesaws contained within, and placing on counter. Contemplate torching infirmary. Mental image of angry (smiling?) nurse pursuing me with flaming bonesaw while on fire causes me to discard idea. Give up and return to have trowel and rake extracted. Nurse does not offer anesthetic. Ow.
4:05 PM
Gardening implements have been removed, bleeding staunched, and antiseptic applied. Sometime during this process, have been strapped to the table. Out comes the bonesaw. Uh-oh.
4:10 PM
Dr. McDemon grabs self from behind, demands to know why am sprinting through base dragging table. Point to nurse with bonesaw in pursuit. Dr. McDemon hurdles table and sprints down corridor. An impressive feat, given that he appears to have broken sixty miles per hour without the aid of superspeed. Return attention to own predicament.
Day 58:
9:40 AM
Finally managed to extricate self from table using one of cached bonesaws from earlier. Noise attracted nurse, but managed to escape. Kept bonesaw. Have idea.
12:25 PM
Break into Amazing household once more, menace Mrs. Amazing with bonesaw. She is feeding smaller of two small children, and calmly lobs mashed peas into my eyes. Unnoticed (at first) mashed peas on floor nearly cause self-unmanning with bonesaw when slipped on. Relinquish bonesaw when wrist stomped on. Why Mrs. Amazing feeding baby while wearing stiletto heels unclear. Very painful, though.
12:30 PM
Ah. Mrs. Amazing dressed up to go out to lunch with Captain Amazing. Wave to George on way by. Captain Amazing's golf game good; land in almost exactly same place every time. Am starting to leave visible self-shaped crater. Hope does not get Captain Amazing in trouble with neighbourhood association.
5:00 PM
Finally manage to get back to base; suggest new idea. Dr. McDemon adamant against using car (minivan) bomb; wife must be stuffed into fridge, mostly intact, or boss will lose 'face' amongst fellow-supervillains. Shrug, question why boss has not simply killed her himself. This earns unnervingly long stare.
5:15 PM
Dr. McDemon finally breaks stare, exploding into maniacal cackling. A solid 9.6 or better; easy to see why he is boss.
6:00 PM
Dr. McDemon has subsided at last, laughter trailing off into mumbling about 'show you my scars, someday'. Nod approvingly; working for genuine mad Doctor good for henchman-resume. Suggest boss change his name to "Mad Dr. McDemon". This earns another frighteningly unwavering stare.
Day 60:
4:00 AM
Preparations complete. Killsat has been re-orbited without help from self. Resist urge to sulk; chief-henchie Reuben screamed nonsense about "Cut off your arms at the neck if you even think about touching this!" before locking me in basement. Managed to escape basement, and have stolen targetting laser.
6:45 AM
Decoy targetting laser has blown up in pants pocket. Ow. Laying in Amazing driveway with pants on fire where explosion threw me; get run over by minivan again. Smaller of two small children in window watching and clapping. Developing phobia of toddler applause. May need new plan.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
I'm loving this diary. Please, continue!
Shortspark: 50 Fire/Fire tanker
Emberblast: 50 Fire/Fire blaster
Jessie Inferno: 50 Fire/SD scrapper
a wizard: 50 Rad/Sonic defender
The Nemesis Plothole: 50 StJ/Reg scrapper
Jessie Inferno: 50 Fire/SD scrapper
a wizard: 50 Rad/Sonic defender
The Nemesis Plothole: 50 StJ/Reg scrapper
Day 62:
11:45 PM
Sent to retrieve vital package for Dr. McDemon by chief henchie Reuben. Proud; sign of great trust to be given so important a task.
3:35 PM
Somewhat confused... must be in wrong base. Everything empty, even equipment gone. Nothing but dust and cobwebs. Perhaps at wrong address?
4:00 PM
Tired of wandering around, use emergency recall beacon to teleport back to base. Hand Dr. McDemon his package, beaming. Hear violent argument between boss and Reuben as to who was supposed to reset teleporter to eliminate 'his' code. Feel sorry for whoever they're discussing, go get dinner. Everyone surprised to see me.
Day 63:
3:15 PM
Decide to try new tactic; going to kidnap the Amazing small children and hold them hostage against wife. Have sent note to this effect; believe will heighten terror when inevitability of situation strikes home.
5:00 PM
Wait until Captain Amazing and wife pull out in minivan, apparently leaving children alone. Puzzling, but decide to go ahead with plan.
7:30 PM
Have fed toddler and put it to bed, and am playing blocks on floor with slightly larger small child when Captain Amazing and wife return. Slightly larger small child too far away to conveniently grab and hold as human shield. Am probably screwed.
5:05 PM
Wife has pecked me on cheek and handed me $20 bill, thanking me. Confusion reigning surpreme, but not about to turn down kiss or money. Both rare at current point in life. Captain Amazing starts to lift self, but wife stops him, goes to retrieve toddler, "Just in case." Toddler, of course, fine. Set on floor for moment to play with older sibling.
5:10 PM
Best chance seen and seized; made grab for wife with knife drawn once smaller small child was out of way. Was disarmed, both figuratively and very nearly literally. Shoulder dislocated, wrist broken, collarbone broken, foot now has hole from six-inch spike heel, and believe nose mashed pretty much flat from headbutt. Captain Amazing throwing self through wall almost relief. Captain Amazing actually apologized for not throwing self through wall 'soon enough'. Not following meaning. Wave to George on way by.
Day 71:
5:00 AM
Wake very perturbed from bizarre nightmare in which I have body of Wile E. Coyote and wife of Captain Amazing has body of Road Runner. Strangely unsettling for no obvious reason.
7:00 AM
Door to room still locked. Sound of much activity outside, reason unclear. Shrug, head out secret passage (unsure why supervillain lairs always have secret passage, but is always one there).
9:45 AM
Amazing household empty. Forgot about schooling of slightly larger small child. Settle into hidden position across street from house.
11:00 AM
Wife of Captain Amazing finally returns home with minivan full of groceries. Got clear view of groceries when was backed over by minivan maneuvering into driveway. May need new plan.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
((Hmm... for those of you following this diary, my next posting in it will probably be the last one, at least for a while- I'll try to bring some kind of closure to it, of course, but... yeesh, writing comedy is harder than it looks >.O))
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Good read. Reminds me of the Monarch from the Venture Brothers
Great story! Kinda curious as to what would happen if he actually caught Mrs. Amazing. Probably die of hart failure or something.
[ QUOTE ]
Great story! Kinda curious as to what would happen if he actually caught Mrs. Amazing. Probably die of hart failure or something.
[/ QUOTE ]
((Actually, if you check the last story post, he did catch her. She broke his arm in multiple places, punctured his foot with her high heel, and probably would have done worse if Captain Amazing hadn't managed to get him away and toss him through the wall. Mrs. Amazing can be quite dangerous ))
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Poor guy. I understand his pain completely. Henchmen can be such a burden to clean up after.
And yes I love the story.
Day 71:
11:05 AM
Injuries from being run over by minivan (again) surprisingly minimal; may be becoming adjusted to tire tracks over face. Have broken into Amazing house once again (actually, have used spare key. Am uncertain as to why spare key has label with my name, but no time to consider that now)
11:06 AM
Have just discovered that is unwise to startle a woman hefting 20-pound frozen turkey with one hand. Believe foot may be broken.
11:07 AM
Note to self: wait until wife of Captain Amazing has finished putting away groceries before attempting her life again. Have been bludgeoned into submission by two bagfuls of canned vegetables. Wonder vaguely deliriously how many feat points dual-wielding ability cost Mrs. Amazing as consciousness slips away.
12:10 PM
Familiar sensation of being hefted and thrown. Wave to George on way by. Cause nasty divot on landing... too much topspin, maybe? Captain Amazing should watch that; groundskeepers huffy when greens chewed up.
12:18 PM
Mediporter is slow, as usual. Have managed to regain feet, and still have knife. Mrs. Amazing watching me through exit hole. Rear back and throw knife, fall over. Twist violently to attempt to see final moments of wife of Captain Amazing. Am unsure as to how will manage to stuff her in fridge in this state, but one step at a time.
12:20 PM
Still staring blankly. Mrs. Amazing caught knife with one hand and tossed it aside. This could make killing difficult, as am now weaponless.
12:25 PM
Mediporter finally kicks in. Slowness becoming irritating. Wait... am not in infirmary...
12:30 PM
Eyes finally clearing; am in Dr. McDemon's 'throneroom'. Am not so sure about head... Chief Henchie Reuben muttering something about self 'costing him fifty bucks... no way I thought even you'd be stupid enough to go after her again!' while Doctor McDemon slapped him and ordered him to 'pay up!'. Not certain about bound, hooded man(?) in chair in middle of room... and could have sworn Doctor McDemon only had budget for six henchmen; are seven in room, counting self.
12:31 PM
Doctor McDemon has noticed that self's eyes are now focussing, and has dragged self to feet, nodding to Chief Henchie Reuben. Hood removed from bound man; is middle-aged, rather sharply dressed, and appears to have a dead mole attached to head. Chief Henchie Reuben orders "C'mon, Donnie boy." and prods captive with gun. "Just say the line and you're free to go. We've been over this." Captive sighs, squares shoulders and stares me in the eye. Wait... dead mole... nice suit... Donnie? Dr. McDemon has kidnapped Donald Trump?!? Am genuinely impressed; is villainy of first order. Focus once more; message from Trump doubtless vital.
Trump finally speaks. "You're Fired."
Stare at him. Stare at Chief Henchie Reuben. Stare at Dr. McDemon. Dr. McDemon laughing insanely for some reason; detatched part of mind rates it at 9.8... believe that to be personal best for boss... no... ex-boss. Cannot argue with The Donald, after all. Chief Henchie Reuben untying Trump, while shaking head. Can just barely hear mumble of "Still can't believe we kidnapped Donald-[censored]-Trump, just to give this idiot his walking papers... think the boss is finally losing it."
1:00 PM
Have packed things. Tearful farewells all around; nurse has given self bonesaw along with note saying "I haven't forgotten; I'm still coming for you.", while Chief Henchie Reuben has told self to hurry up and get out, as Dr. McDemon laughs uncontrollably whenever he sees self, and is starting to seem rather unhinged, even by mad scientist standards. Shrug, head out. Donald Trump still waiting out front; ask him for ride. This earns rather strange, frozen look. Wait for response for a while, get chased off by Trump security when they arrive.
2:30 PM
Have cashed in severance package; box contained sufficient high explosive to turn St. Martial into glowing crater. Got good price for it on Black Market once detonator was deactivated and re-connected properly.
3:00 PM
Heard from old buddy Jenkins that Arachnos recruiting; am fond of armour design, may look into.
5:00 PM
Have been out drinking with Longbow Ballista for past couple of hours. He assures self that joining Arachnos is a great idea. Strange. Thought Longbow and Arachnos got along poorly. Leave bar, heading for recruiting office. Hear Ballista calling in as door closes- "Operation succesful, sir. It's only a matter of time before Arachnos collapses, now." Decide to keep information in mind- Lord Recluse pays well for news of Longbow plots against him.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
((And thus endeth the story of our hapless Henchie... for now. ))
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
The Trump part was win, Chameleon
Global - @El D
Servers - Protector
Poor Henchie... 
[ QUOTE ]
Poor Henchie...
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh... don't worry. Henchie will always find a way to muddle through. There's a certain indestructability to him, after all (and he's about to become a VEAT ).
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Haha, awesome. Can't wait to see his adventures in Arachnos. Mayhaps a cameo appearance by your favorite roleplayer? Huh? Maybe?
Greatly entertaining narrative. 5 stars!
Day 1:
8:00 AM
Am very excited; it's not really the first, but this is the first day of my new life. Have gotten job working for Dr. Evilus McDemon, an up-and-coming criminal mastermind. Expect big things to come my way!
9:00 AM
Dr. McDemon has informed me that as the 'new guy', am being given a simple task- visit the home of his archnemesis, Captain Amazing, to kill his wife, and stuff her into the fridge. Am not entirely clear on fridge thing, but apparently is 'traditional'. Sounds simple enough, but way that fellow-henchies are snickering behind my back is making me uneasy.
11:45 AM
Have reached Captain Amazing's home. Wife is preparing lunch, apparently. Approach her from behind with garrotte ready, and have face smashed in with frying pan full of boiling grease. Ow.
12:20 PM
Regain consciousness briefly upon the sensation of being lifted. Captain Amazing has returned home for lunch and promptly evicts me... through several walls. Ow again.
Day 5:
3:45 PM
Dr. McDemon has praised me for my resilience; most henchmen remain in coma for at least a week longer than me. Praise leaves me feeling somewhat uneasy. Decided to be smart this time; had buddy fix up old Freakshow parts into a suit of power armour. Has a bit of an oil leak, but protection is solid. Frying pan no longer a threat.
6:30 PM
Break into house without incident once again. Mrs. Amazing is in bathroom, bathing small child. She immediately bundles child into towel and turns to face me. Laugh evilly (boss gave my evil laugh a 7.4 out of 10- an unprecedented honour for a minion!) and approach with claws outstretched. Fun fact: friction coefficient between freshly-waxed floor and lubricant-covered Freakshow boot stepping on a soapy rubber duckie approaches zero. Regain consciousness in tub, half-submerged. Wife reappears from wherever she took small child holding extension cord. Live extension cord. Cord is dropped into tub. Ow.
7:10 PM
Regain consciousness once again, to find different, slightly larger small child standing over me with a screwdriver. Cord is gone (thankfully), but relief is short-lived. Child cheerfully informs me that it's supposed to get me out of this pile of junk. Smaller sibling reappears carrying wrench, purpose unclear, as it can barely lift it.
7:30 PM
Feeling badly perforated; would expect child of so prominent a superhero to have better hand-eye coordination. Smaller sibling with wrench has probably concussed me, yelling "Helping! Helping! Helping!" in between giggles. Captain Amazing returns home, sends kids to bed, and throws me through wall again.
Day 9:
11:00 PM
Decide to ambush wife while sleeping. Break into house without incident and find bedroom. Forgot that Captain Amazing would be there too. Oops.
Day 16:
11:00 PM
Same plan, but this time make sure Captain Amazing has been called out on emergency. Discover that Captain Amazing is an avid golfer, and keeps his clubs in the bedroom. Wife heard me coming, and was standing behind door with golf bag. Five Iron required Jaws of Life to remove. Driver will probably need surgery to remove. Regain consciousness to Captain Amazing throwing me through the wall again. If his contractor works so cheap, should get number from wife before killing her; my place could use some work.
Day 19:
3:00 PM
Spent first paycheck on truck full of nerve gas. Pump house full, stand in driveway laughing maniacally. Get run over by minivan as she returns from retrieving slightly larger small child from school; she wasn't home. [censored]! May need new plan.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"