Here now is my personal favorite. This isn't the origin of the Fruit Salad Defender meme, but it is by far the best definition of it I ever wrote.
- Jock Tamson, Who would add that say you could define accurately "Fruit Salad Defender" is to misunderstand it.
Over the course of time Defender had many children. The eldest where the powerful and conceited Storm and his mild and giving twin sister Empathy. Then came Radia and Darkity who knew much of their mothers gifts for weakening a foe. Kin, like her older sister Empathy, was a giving sort, perhaps with less generosity, but with more of her mothers speed and strength. Young Trick was a tinker who made toys to copy his mother;s powers, while Sonic and Bubbles both inherited talents for enshrouding a ally with a protective grace.
These elder children in turn had children of their own until Defender was graced with many grandchildren and great grandchildren to help watch over the progeny of her siblings.
It came to pass that one of these later generations decided to learn which of the branches of Defenders children was the greatest. So he went in turn to his Grandfathers, Grandmothers, Grandaunts and Granduncles to ask.
Empathy answered, "Why my children of course, because we make those under our care more powerful than any hero alone."
Storm answered, "You have to ask who is most powerful?!" And swept the child from his home with a powerful wind.
Kin answered, "My charges are as safe as Empathy's and move twice as fast! My children are clearly the strongest."
Bubbles answered, "Protected by my children you need fear no harm, what could be more powerful than that!". Listening nearby Sonic retorted, "Mine shall do that and weaken the foes around you, clearly I and my children are more powerful."
Radia and Darkity both fell to squabbling about the most effective way to weaken a foe, but both agreed this was the strongest of Defenders gifts.
Trick laughed and said, "Show me what another can do that I cannot!" The child replied, "Heal?" So Trick shot him with a sharp arrow and the child fled.
Confused and frustrated the child sought Defender herself and asked, "Great Mother, which of your children is strongest?" Defender chuckled and laid before the child some fruit she had in a nearby bowl and said, "Which of these fruit is greatest my child?". The child thought and answered, "Well watermelon is cooling on a hot day, and orange will help ward off illness. Apple is sweet and filling, but grapes are jucier and make heady wine. I could not say. What do you say?". Defender then took the fruit and chopped them, mixed them together in a bowl and handed it to the child saying, "That my child, is wisdom."
- Jock Tamson, Mythologist
I have to agree, this is the best one of them all.
I concur, it has always been my favorite.
Though I have to know, are you doing these in order? I seem to remember a few others before this.
No
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
I think you underestimate our fools, sir.
Why /duel is a bad idea
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Trick laughed and said, "Show me what another can do that I cannot!" The child replied, "Heal?" So Trick shot him with a sharp arrow and the child fled.
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Though I have to know, are you doing these in order? I seem to remember a few others before this.
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This is the order I originally posted them in. I'm afraid I peaked early 
Here is another story about peaking early and then falling off...
- Jock Tamson, Who presents the origin of "nerfs"
It is said that Statesman's favorite son was Tank, who was most like him. While Tank received fewer gifts than his sister Defender, those he did receive he received in abundance. Tank could stand amidst a sea of his foes and take no harm and yet hold their rapt attention while he slowly whittled them away.
One day Tank set out to test the limits of his powers. So he sought out the Drek who has famed for his numerous children. The children of the Drek were so kind to the children of Statesman as to stand back up once defeated so that they could be fought again, and were much valued for this.
Tank set about gathering about him all the children of the Drek, and indeed they came about him in a great throng, and yet could do him no harm.
In time Tank's brother Blaster wandered by to see what his brother was doing. Seeing his brother lost in a sea of foes, Blaster called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied "No. I shall put these in a box, just set them on fire and I shall bring more." So Tank piled many of the children of Drek into a box he had found and went to seek more, while Blaster amused himself setting them on fire.
In time Blaster's sister Defender wandered by to see what her brothers were doing. Seeing her brother lost in a sea of foes, Defender called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No, I am putting these in a box so brother Blaster may set them on fire. Help him do it faster." Amused by the game Defender reached out her gifts to strengthen and speed her brother, who once more set it on fire, laughing to himself.
In time Defender's sister Controller wandered by to see what her siblings were doing. Seeing her brother lost in a sea of foes, Controller called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No, I am putting these in a box so brother Blaster may set them on fire while sister Defender aids his strength and speed. Go help your sister." Amused, Controller reached out her pale imitations of her sisters gifts to aid her in her task, while Blaster once more set the box on fire, laughing to himself.
In time Controller's brother Scrapper wandered by to see what his siblings were doing. Seeing his brother lost in a sea of foes, Scrapper called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No." So Scrapper amused himself by poking at the box while his brother set it once more on fire.
In time Statesman noticed his City was growing strangely quiet, and the challenges he had created for his children going unmet. So Statesman set out to see what his offspring were doing. Seeing his beloved son in a sea of foes, while his sibling sat playing with a box laughing inanely, Statesman called out, "Son Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No...", and so Statesman took half the power from each of his children and replied: "You do now!"
Thus a lesson was learned.
- Jock Tamson, Mythologist
Maybe you didn't peak too early
No
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
I think you underestimate our fools, sir.
Why /duel is a bad idea
I LOVED that one!!! But then again...my main is a tank.
That's an instant classic.
"People love to talk, but hate to listen." Alice Duer Miller, American Author (1874-1942)
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It is said that Statesman's favorite son was Tank, who was most like him. While Tank received fewer gifts than his sister Defender, those he did receive he received in abundance. Tank could stand amidst a sea of his foes and take no harm and yet hold their rapt attention while he slowly whittled them away.
One day Tank set out to test the limits of his powers. So he sought out the Drek who has famed for his numerous children. The children of the Drek were so kind to the children of Statesman as to stand back up once defeated so that they could be fought again, and were much valued for this.
Tank set about gathering about him all the children of the Drek, and indeed they came about him in a great throng, and yet could do him no harm.
In time Tank's brother Blaster wandered by to see what his brother was doing. Seeing his brother lost in a sea of foes, Blaster called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied "No. I shall put these in a box, just set them on fire and I shall bring more." So Tank piled many of the children of Drek into a box he had found and went to seek more, while Blaster amused himself setting them on fire.
In time Blaster's sister Defender wandered by to see what her brothers were doing. Seeing her brother lost in a sea of foes, Defender called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No, I am putting these in a box so brother Blaster may set them on fire. Help him do it faster." Amused by the game Defender reached out her gifts to strengthen and speed her brother, who once more set it on fire, laughing to himself.
In time Defender's sister Controller wandered by to see what her siblings were doing. Seeing her brother lost in a sea of foes, Controller called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No, I am putting these in a box so brother Blaster may set them on fire while sister Defender aids his strength and speed. Go help your sister." Amused, Controller reached out her pale imitations of her sisters gifts to aid her in her task, while Blaster once more set the box on fire, laughing to himself.
In time Controller's brother Scrapper wandered by to see what his siblings were doing. Seeing his brother lost in a sea of foes, Scrapper called out, "Brother Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No." So Scrapper amused himself by poking at the box while his brother set it once more on fire.
In time Statesman noticed his City was growing strangely quiet, and the challenges he had created for his children going unmet. So Statesman set out to see what his offspring were doing. Seeing his beloved son in a sea of foes, while his sibling sat playing with a box laughing inanely, Statesman called out, "Son Tank! Do you need help?" Tank replied, "No...", and so Statesman took half the power from each of his children and replied: "You do now!"
Thus a lesson was learned.
- Jock Tamson, Mythologist
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My favorite installment so far!
Is it wrong to want this as a picture book to share with my third-grade students? 
Satan trembles when he sees...
the weakest saint on his knees.
<----- Click there to learn how you can help!
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Is it wrong to want this as a picture book to share with my third-grade students?
[/ QUOTE ]
not at all.
No
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
I think you underestimate our fools, sir.
Why /duel is a bad idea
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Is it wrong to want this as a picture book to share with my third-grade students?
[/ QUOTE ]
not at all.
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Great.
I can start recruiting new players.
Or... CoH can make a kid's version...
The character generator has only pastel color options and no scary face options.
No AR/Dev powerset... and the Illusion powerset has cuddly bear phantasms.
And instead of AVs, the heroes must face against Elite Teachers, Elite Mommies, and Elite Daddies who want to take away their candy or make them go to bed early!
And *drumroll*
The players can make cute little cat characters that speak using bad grammar!
Oh. Wait.
Satan trembles when he sees...
the weakest saint on his knees.
<----- Click there to learn how you can help! I've read the first few of these before, but I have to say that the last installment has tilted this to my favorite CoH thread to date. At risk of falling victim of the signature above me, I couldn't possibly imagine a more eloquent summation of this game; how fitting that it's in the defender forums.
In tonight's story, Defender learns what goes around, comes around, but as always, she comes out on top in the end.
- Jock Tamson, Who isn't convinced she learned a lesson.
You have heard the tale of how Defender tricked Scrapper into doing all the work when she wished to gain experience without effort. Well Scrapper never quite learned that he had been tricked, and he told all his siblings how Defender watched over and made sure he never died. Scrappers brother Blaster knew more of risk than his brother since he had a thinner hide and had to be more careful in his own hunting. So it was that Blaster saw through Defenders trick and decided to play one on her himself.
Blaster went to his sister and asked, Sister Defender, will you not watch over me while I hunt as you have done for our brother Scrapper? Defender replied, Why brother Blaster! I would be glad to do so, let us go over here and confront the Skuls. They have been tugging on that purse for near a day now.. So they ventured out.
Blaster used his great strength to smite the Skul, then turned to his sister and asked, Are you watching sister? Defender reached out with the least of her powers and cured some minor harm Blaster had taken and replied, Why brother Blaster! Of course I am watching. If I did not, you would surely die. Blaster smiled to himself and said, Thank you kind sister. Watch this! So saying he leapt into a crowd of Bone Daddies that stood nearby. There Blaster set lose a great burst of flame that scorched and angered his foes but did not defeat them. They turned and attacked Blaster with great wrath. Surprised, Defender reached out to try and heal her brother, but the wrath of the Skuls was to great to be thus overcome and he fell. This bothered Blaster little, it was his way and he was used to it, but Defender was startled and fled sore afraid. From a safe place she called her brother to her and breathed life into him. Blaster arose smiling and said, Sister! Were you not watching? Through a smile that did not reach her eyes, Defender replied, Sorry dear brother, clearly that was my fault. Let us try again!
Not wishing to appear weak before he brother, Defender now reached out with her full might. Her brother was greatly strengthened and his foes weakened and slowed so that when he leapt once more into their midst they fell swiftly and he took little harm. As the last fell Defender reached out with the least of her powers and removed some minor harm her brother had taken. Blaster turned to her laughing and said, Great heals sister!
Now Defender began to suspect that perhaps she had been played the fool, so she resolved to turn the tables on her brother. They continued for some time achieving great deeds as the children of Statesman can when they use their full might, but when the opportunity arose Defender allowed her brother to fall once more while only the least of his foes remained. Rather than withdrawing and calling her brother to her as she had done before, Defender sped forward and began to strike, but with not quite enough strength to defeat her foe in any good time. Exasperated, Blasters spirit spoke to Defender saying, Must you defeat him yourself in such a way? We could be well on our way! Defender replied, It is true brother, your strength could fell him in no time, if only you could lend it to me a short while. Of course Sister!, Blaster replied, and moved part of his spirit into her. Exploding in light, Defender defeated her foe, but then ran off laughing, and has not returned her brothers gift to this day.
- Jock Tamson, Mythologist
I love your little preface posts. They remind me of when I used to watch The Wonderful World of Disney.
Thanks for the memories, Jock.
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I love your little preface posts. They remind me of when I used to watch The Wonderful World of Disney.
Thanks for the memories, Jock.
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yes, these stories do make you feel warm and cozy...
and want o wear mouse ears?
No
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
I think you underestimate our fools, sir.
Why /duel is a bad idea
[ QUOTE ]
...the wrath of the Skuls was to great to be thus overcome and he fell. This bothered Blaster little, it was his way and he was used to it...
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Amused, Controller reached out her pale imitations of her sisters gifts to aid her in her task, while Blaster once more set the box on fire, laughing to himself.
- Jock Tamson, Mythologist
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Booo Hissss Boooooo Pale imitatioins? Ha I say Ha!
Good stuff though.
Oh yea - BOOOOOOOOO
damnit, who let this pale imitation in here?!
;D
Thanks for this. I always feel proud playing my defenders knowing what only a defender can know about how the game really works 
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damnit, who let this pale imitation in here?!
;D
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Pale imitation? Ill show you a ....
Oh yea right.
Tonight, "The Parable of the Pointed Sticks". Wherein we learn the origins of villains, the value of working together, and another poignant analogy with fruit...
[Palin]Oh, you promised you wouldn't do fruit this week.[/Palin]
Well fine then, no fruit analogy this week, but there are some pointed sticks.
- Jock Tamson, A maniac without a bunch of loganberries.
Odin's beard was Skadi's nickname, wasn't it?