Steelclaw

I generally don't rant.. but this year's Halloween Event has a few glaring holes in it that have been irking me.

(Yeah, there's gonna be a list... deal)

1) If you don't have at least 1 full team of 8 members you are highly unlikely (not impossible, just very low probability) to complete the banners. At best you may get one or two done. My suggestion would be to remove the requirement of a minimum number of people at each banner to make them vulnerable. Or... better yet... allow INDIVIDUAL banners to go vulnerable after 1 minute of attack on it if there are zero players at other banners. So the team can run to a banner... blast on its guardians for a minute.. then blast on the banner until it falls... then run to the next banner. Difficult, yes, but not impossible.

2) Zombie Apocalypse is scaled for large, multi-team groups to get max efficiency. I get that. However, more times than not, there aren't enough people interested to get a group that size. So, you end up clustering around safe zones with others waiting for the event to pass, which takes quite a while. I don't think scaling the zombies back in power is the answer. My suggestion would be to scale back the length of the Apocalypse depending on how many teams are in-zone and actively fighting the zombies. The event lasts a base of 4 minutes plus more time for every team that is fighting zombies up to a certain maximum. Also, if more teams come in from outside the zone the remaining time will scale upwards to reflect the infusion.

3) The biggest thing that had me screaming at the screen is the Trick or Treat monsters. Specifically, they are made to be fought by higher level characters. If you happen to be 9th level or lower and not on a team, you are more or less screwed. Both Bosses have holds which are almost an auto-win against a low solo player who may not have a break free handy. I literally had a 6th level Tank die the first 10 seconds of battle against a Vampire Boss and Lt combo. This gets frustrating very quickly and I can't help thinking that new players to the game will be wondering how the Devs can consider this a "fun event."

Suggestion: Set up different ToT enemy team lists for the lower level zones (Atlas Park, Mercy Island, Galaxy City, Kings Row and maybe Port Oakes). Bosses may appear but at a lower chance and always alone. Lts who appear will either be alone or have 1-2 minions with them, never teamed up with another Lt. The most common appearance will be 3 minions.

I love the Halloween Event, it's easily my favorite annual. I would just like the opportunity to love it equally on ALL of my characters regardless of level.

To the tune of Sly and the Family Stone's "Thank You(for lettin' me be mice elf)"


Sittin’ in my office, bootin’ up the game
Fingers start itchin’, enter in my name

Pickin’ out my hero, my heart starts to race
Deep in the creator, Tank with a war mace

Oh, I want to thank you for lettin’ me play the game again
I wanna thank you for lettin’ me reinvent myself… again

Back Alley Brawler, we got you to thank
For all the animations, you’ve earned the highest rank

Want to bow to all the devs now, who made this game to play
Issues filled with new toys, that make us wanna stay…

We want to thank you for lettin’ us play the game… again
I wanna thank you for lettin’ me reinvent myself… again

/E Dance to the boom box
In Atlas Town
Role Playin’ people
Groupin’ to get down

Castle’s so happy
Castle start to cry
Created a new power
Got it right on the first try

We want to thank you for lettin’ us play the game… again
I wanna thank you for lettin’ me reinvent myself… again

Posi’s got the com now, he’s the man in control
If an Issue’s runnin’ late yeah, then some heads ‘r gonna roll

Fun and games are all we got
Spandex is in vogue
Heroes, villains fill their slots
‘Least ‘til Goin’ Rogue

We want to thank you for lettin’ us play the game… again
I wanna thank you for lettin’ me reinvent myself… again.

Wait... the new power is WALKING?

Awww CRUD! I thought it was WAKING... dangit... now I'll NEVER figure out how to get out of Rest.

Sincerely awesome news!

Now I need to list things I plan to do with the new Walk power.

1) Walk... er... well... places...

2) Walk... umm... other... places...

3) Oh! Defiantly refuse to run away from my enemies... show them my disdain for their obvious threat by simply WALKing away. The port to the hospital will provide me with all the speed I require.

4) Roleplay taking a walk with friends... oh wait... I don't have any friends.. ummm... Roleplay walking in quiet contemplative solitude.

5) Build a new and powerful appreciation for Sprint... comparable to the appreciation I had for my travel powers when all I had was Sprint.

6) Immediately begin begging for new "Prestige Walk" emotes like Saunter, Strut, Sashay and Mosey.

7) Eagerly anticipate "Crawl."

8) Six Slot Walk with Run Speed enhancements so I look like one of those Olympic Power Walkers.

9) Bitterly complain that Inherent powers are non-enhanceable.

10) Walk like a man. Talk like a man. Walk like a man, my son.

Quote from Steelclaw of the FuuuUUUuuutuuuUUUUuuure....

Top Ten Complaints About Issue 139

1) The standard Intercranial I/O port I have is outdated and won't accept the new Brain-Piercer 9000 Link Plug.

2) Super Jump is still awesome and all, but the new Hallucination Technology Graphics System is so realistic I have to take motion-sickness pills before playing.

3) This whole 8-Bit Retro thing is seriously starting to piss me off.

4) We had to wait THIS LONG to finally get bell-bottom jeans in the costume creator? And what's worse is we have to complete the entire 70's Revival Story Arc missions to unlock it!

5) Okay, seriously? The Power Customization thing is going a bit too far now. Yesterday I saw a guy do the Eagle's Claw attack by honking his opponent's nose. BaBs would be rolling over in his grave... if we hadn't preserved his brain in a pickle jar and forced it to keep working.

6) After careful consideration, I find I agree with the Devs original assumption that having female Mastermind pets was asking for trouble... especially after introducing the new "craft your own emote" feature.

7) Costume contests have been much more interesting ever since they made Atlas Park a PvP zone.

8) I really think the Devs have gone a bit overboard in their war against farming. The "diminishing XP returns for killing the same enemy type in a row" rule was ill-thought out at best.

9) I think the "realistic aging process" idea was okay. If nothing else it makes us long time veterans feel like there is some progression going on. Still, after hitting 60 they REALLY should have made Sister Psyche and Swan get new costumes.

10) I know they were running out of Vet Reward ideas by this time, but really... The Sleeping Cow Kung Fu powerset was just insulting.

So this Paladin pulls his car into the mechanic's shop.

"What seems to be the problem, pal?" the mechanic asks.

"It's my car's steering!" The Paladin cried out. "It keeps swerving at the most inopportune moments! It swerves to hit old ladies, it runs over every squirrel that dares even get as close to the road as the sidewalk! Why, two days ago it even went completely out of my control, drove into a consecrated cemetary and started doing donuts! You have to help me! These people think I am the one doing these heinous things!"

"Okay, okay," the mechanic said, crawling under the car. "Don't get your plate mail undies in a twist."

The mechanic examined the car for a few minutes then rolled back out from under it.

"Well, I think I found your problem... Your car's out of alignment."

Step 1: Purchase City of Heroes CD or DVD.

Step 2: Using blunt instrument smash disc into fragments.

Step 3: Lightly glaze shards with a delightful butter-garlic sauce.

Step 4: Swallow shards.

Step 5: When you begin to choke have friend perform Heimlich manuever.

Congratulations! You have now successfully Hack'd up City of Heroes!

The Purpose(s) of Rep:

* To make (insert random adjective here) people ask (repeat adjective here) questions.

* As a means of allowing people the freedom to critique (grief) you in an anonymous (safe) manner thereby providing you with insightful (insulting) commentary (ridicule) without concern for debate (retribution).

* A function by which we, the forumites, can give the Moderators migraines.

* A means by which we can string red or green Christmas lights under our names in the margin. Less indicates you're a few lights short of a Christmas Tree. In my case my bulb has just plain ol' burnt out.

* We were going to cal it "street cred" but that seemed inappropriate given how many dedicated forumites rarely see direct sunlight much less an actual street.

* The purpose of Rep is to give each person a voice in a democratic society by electing an individual to represent them in a forum of peers... oh... wait... wrong Rep.

* A method of supporting a favorite poster privately when you think supporting them publicly will earn you your own negative rep.

* R.E.P. = Ridicule Emitting Pinhead

Today, Nov 2nd, will mark my 40th birthday. Being an organized sort of person, I realized that my mid-life crisis is likely right around the corner and it got me thinking that I should start making preparations for it.

That '69 Corvette ain't gonna pay for itself, ya know.

Anyway, I won't bore you with the details of my own, mundane, descent into temporary insanity, instead I'll bore you with how our lovely heroes and villains may handle the same situation.

So, Mid-Life Crisis: City Of Heroes Style...

* "I don't care if I can fly... The Maserati isn't for ME... it's... well... it's for my secret identity."

* "Listen... I'm bored with this... I've lived half my life away and what have I really accomplished? Oh sure, I've repelled Rikti Invasions, thwarted Nemesis Plots and saved the world more times than I can count... but I've never even left this CITY! That's it... I'm going to Disney World!"

* "Don't look at me that way! I still love you... it's just that I looked at you today and realized I was never going to have sex with any other person but you for the rest of my life... What the hell do you mean 'now I'M depressed'?!"

* "It's not cheating if I do it with one of my own Illusions honey! No, even if she DOES look just like Sister Psyche... What do you mean you know Manticore's home phone number?!"

* "I'm not old! I'm not even GETTING old! Why, Statesman is far older than me and no one thinks HE'S middle aged! No, I don't think his being immortal should count."

* "No, I am NOT getting glasses. My vision is just as good today as it was when I was 20. It was an honest mistake! No, I don't think having laser vision requires me to set aside my pride for the sake of safety. Besides, we can get another cat."

* "I'm thinking of changing from being a Thugs Mastermind to Mercenaries. Oh, no reason... it's just that... well... these new young minions of mine... I can't tell what the (censored) they're saying half the time! What the hell is a 'homie' anyway?!"

* "Dangit... I don't care if the sunnuva canine female is coming out with Windows 7. My robots have been running just fine on Windows 98 these last years and I'm not 'upgrading' them. Gates is why I became a villain in the first place!"

* "Well, Doc... I guess the reason I've decided to start therapy is... well... I'm a super-villain who doesn't want to rule the world... there... I said it... truth is I don't even want to rule my neighborhood... or my house for that matter... Doc, will I just be a minion all my life?"

* "Stop laughing! Just because I have to suck in my gut a little to put on my power armor... No I will NOT 're-size' the armor! Can you imagine how stupid this would look with a built-in pot belly? Dangit woman, a few sit ups will take care of this anyway."

* "I need to get a gym membership... Why? Because super-speed isn't all that useful if you can only run 30 feet before falling over from hyper-ventilation."

Oh, one other thought that occurred to me...

I used to do this with games like Diablo and Diablo 2... but I figure the same thing could work for CoH...

Play a "live off the land" style game. You are allowed to ONLY use the inspirations, enhancements, etc that are dropped to you. NO BUYING anything. See how long you can survive and whether or not luck is your Mistress or you her B**ch...

Well... I grew up an only child and so became very used to playing games by myself... Monopoly, Life, etc... I played every piece on the board and got used to making a game more interesting for myself. I even created a version of Monopoly where you could "buy" the chance and community chest spaces.

Yes, yes... if you're going to psycho-analyze me and come up with a number of (hopefully non-Freudian) reasons why I'm the way I am do it on your own time.

Anyway, the habits I developed as a child carried over into my adult life. I play City of Heroes in a tournament style... against myself. Each server is a "Team" and share resources (enhancements, influence, salvage, inspirations) via their supergroup base and a second account I have for trading purposes.

Each character's progress is tracked via several ... okay MORE than several.. spreadsheets that track such things as Undefeated Streaks from 1st level, total number of defeats, Power(calculated via a rather complex formula), reputation(calculated via a slightly less complex formula), badges acquired and several other criteria.

The characters are compared against one another on a semi-regular basis and I record their progress both as individuals and against all my other characters. I currently have 58 in the tournament divided among 10 teams. I don't have characters on Pinnacle.. not because I dislike Pinnacle but because there are 11 servers and I needed 5 villain teams and 5 hero teams.

Anyway.. you don't have to be as complicated as I've been, but a little self-competition may be just the thing. Start two characters and give them equal play times. See which one performs better.

Or... run a Hardcore Tournament. Create a list of 10 or so characters and play them until they die. See which one goes the furthest.

If you've "done it all" then the one thing left to do is set up your own game-within-the-game.

Yes... I know I'm obsessive-compulsive... the 88 City of Heroes/Villains spreadsheets I have pretty much made that clear.

So we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the trials and tribulations of being a hero or villain and even a few words here and there about being a civilian in City of. However, there is one group of people we have left out… who remain unheard.

What are the problems encountered by the normal, unpowered husbands and wives of those super heroes and villains?

• “He’s ‘faster than a speeding bullet’… ‘nuff said.”

• “Sleeping with a super powered thief? Not too bad… except he steals the covers… and the neighbor’s covers… and the neighbor’s car… and the neighbors…”

• “No, it won’t wait until half time… take the trash out right now or I tell the rest of the Supreme Squad why I have to use extra bleach when washing your tighty whiteys.”

• “Yeah… I love her but… well.. when you’re married to a super villain PMS stands for Pre-Murderous Situation.”

• “Does that spandex make you look fat? Ummm…” (makes call on cell phone) “My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question on the grounds that it might incinerate… I mean… incriminate me.”

• “I know he leads a double life Gladys… but if I find out he’s been ‘Going Rogue’ with that tramp Beverly I’ll starch his spandex.”

• “Oh come on dear… it’s not like you have superpowers or anything… I think you’re being silly.. there is no real reason why *I* can’t take the Thermo Nuclear Exoskeletal Power Suit out for a spin now and then… how about we start slow? Just weekends?”

• “I don’t know why you’re getting so excited… so I took the Spaz-Mobile out… my car is in the shop and we were out of eggs.”

• “Walter you STOP looking out that window this instant! You’ve been promising to visit my mother for six months now so STOP searching the night sky for the Rat Signal!”

• “You want me to cheat on my wife? Are you NUTS? She has super strength, super hearing and x-ray vision… Why I wouldn’t be surprised if she… Oh… Hi dear… where’d you come from?”

• “Yeah, living with a mind controller is a challenge… why just the other night she wanted me to take the dog for a walk during the game and I…” (sudden blank look on face, dull voice) “… My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world.. I am very very very very very very (Blink) happy.”

• “No, being married to an illusion controller isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. He keeps hinting about having a threesome… by having one of his phantom army members appear in the bed… nude. I guess I wouldn’t even mind that very much except it always ends up looking like the neighbor’s wife.”

• “Of course I still love you even though you’re a mutant now. You’ll eventually get control of your new electrical blasting powers. I’m sure the dog will forgive you for that accidental discharge when you sneezed… but… until you get complete control of your powers… no sex. No discussion. No negotiation.”

• “I tell you Marie, sex with a Brute is ah-may-zing… It’s hell on the bedroom furniture but when that Fury bar maxes out…. Oh my!”

• “I don’t CARE if they’re your minions Mister MasterMind… if they don’t learn to wipe their feet they’re not coming in the house.”

• “Okay, so what have we learned from this experience? Come on, say it with me: You’re right dear… using the Singularity to clean the living room was a bad idea.”

• “Oh… hello Professor Mayhem… no, my husband isn’t here right now. You need to kidnap me again? Oh my, can it wait a little while? I have a Parent Teacher conference with Billy’s math teacher in 20 minutes. How does four-thirty sound? Fantastic! I’ll meet you then and bring a batch of those chocolate chip cookies you love so much.”

• “My wife is a 50th level Shield/War Mace Tank. She’s saved the world more times than I can count. And I’m STILL the one who has to kill all the spiders in our house.”

• “Honey… I think you should come in here… no… nothing’s wrong… but I think Junior has inherited your teleportation powers… oh… and I figured out where the cat disappeared to…”

• “Okay FINE… I won’t nag you about lifting the toilet seat when you’re already angry… now how are we going to dislodge it from the ceiling?”

• “You fitted your super car with machine guns, ejector seats, laser targeting systems and a rocket booster but did you even consider a GPS? And now we’re going to be late to the Mayor’s dinner party because Mister Super Hero won’t pull over and ask for directions.”

• “Yeah, my wife is a Dominator… ALL my wives were dominators… this one just has powers.”

• “I wish he’d just let it go… I swear one red sock in the laundry and Lord White Knight has been whining for four straight weeks!”

• “I’m sorry… you can’t go… No… I’m putting my foot down. A magic consortium? Oh please… any place called the Midnighters Club has GOT to be a strip joint.”

• “I’ll tell you Madelyn, it gets a little trying at times… he’ll come home with a new badge and I’ll have to ooh and ahh and pretend I’m oh-so-proud of him… I swear it’s like living with a seven year old cub scout.”

• “Well I guess you should have told me before you MARRIED me! How hard would it have been Maurice? ‘Oh, honey, by the way… I have a squid form… isn’t that neat?’ It would have been a helluva lot better than springing it on me by simply transforming in our honeymoon suite!!”

Since everyone seems to be going Group Happy with all the Going Rogue possibilities I thought I’d throw in a few other Organizations from which you can choose.

The Praetorian Boy Scouts: Merit Badges are just as important in this group as they are in our world’s version. However the Merit Badges themselves are a weeeee bit different. Bomb Construction merit badge, the Hand to Hand Combat Specialist merit badge and Torture and Interrogation Techniques merit badges are just a few examples. The Boy Scouts in Praetoria are definitely Loyalist based. So be a good little drone and sign your kids up today!

Praetorian Masons: The fez hats are the same but the little cars are a little on the different side… as in side-mounted machine guns and ignitable oil slicks in case of pursuit. Those suckers do about 100 mph on the open highway too. In our world the appearance of a motorcycle gang is cause for alarm in most communities. In Praetoria you see two dozen old men driving miniature cars in figure eight patterns and you run for the hills.

Praetorian 4H Club: You’d think farmers in any world would be too danged busy to be able to stir up too much trouble. Not so! The Praetorian farmers are firmly on the side of the resistance, mostly because of Tyrant’s lack of subsidies and socialization of the food system. Apparently everyone in Utopia is never supposed to go hungry! Can you believe it? FREE food?! How is an honest farmer supposed to make a living when he has to GIVE his food away?! So, the Praetorian 4H Club is a wide-spread terrorism organization. They plan the bombings of food distribution centers, kidnap and extortion of high level key-positioned bureaucracy cabinet members as well as livestock and produce county fair competitions.

Praetorian Brownies: The arch-enemies of the Boy Scouts these little munchkins of mayhem are feared throughout the realm. They all look like sweet, innocent little girls but the hand grenades and bayonets (which they call their “boyonets”) hanging from their merit badge sashes aren’t for show. Despite being so fiercely against the Boy Scouts the Brownies are NOT, in fact, in league with the Resistance… they just think boys are icky. An interesting bit of slang terminology: when Praetorian Boy Scouts launch an assault against the girls they refer to it as “Baking Brownies.”

Praetorian Rotary Club: Actually, the resemblance of this organization to the one in Primal Earth is in name only. In Praetoria the Rotary Club isn’t really a cohesive collective so much as a group of individuals with a common bond. This is the name given to all Resistance members captured and currently receiving “treatment” in Tyrant’s torture chambers. They are named the Rotary Club in honor of a particularly gruesome apparatus called The Rotor-Rooter. Trust me, you don’t want to know.

Praetorian Lions’ Club: In response to the Rotary Club, the Resistance came up with their own version to assign to the Loyalist captives. As a happy little side-effect the creation of the Lion’s Club also gave the Resistance a means by which to feed their pets.

Praetorian Democratic and Republican Parties: Actually, Tyrant wiped these organizations off the face of the planet in his rise to power so no such parties exist in the Praetorian world. Hmmm…. Maybe it IS Utopia after all…

Praetorian Book Club: There are actually two versions of the Praetorian Book Club. In the Resistance Book Club people will read the assigned book and gather to discuss the ideas, plot, characters and possible symbolism in a quiet and supportive environment. In the Loyalist Book Club the members will raid homes, libraries and warehouses and hold the inhabitants at gun point while they search for banned materials. At the end of a successful hunt they will cast the books into a huge bonfire, toast marshmallows and sing heart-felt choruses of Kumbaya.

Praetorian Chess Club: On the surface this club is identical to ones you may find here in Primal Earth. The only real difference is that the winner of high-level tournaments inevitably disappears as the Loyalists “recruit” them into their Advanced Strategy and Combat Tactics Division.

Steelclaw's Preferred Cheat Codes:

1) 1MOREMINUTE: This cheat changes the time flow relative to play vs the real world. For every minute of real world time you will actually PLAY for 1 hour. So if you have 10 minutes before you have to be to work; no worries... you've got a full day of playing ahead of you.

2) ITHINKYOUDROPPEDTHIS: Make your team mates work for you... Literally. You get ALL the team drops; inspirations, recipes, enhancements, etc. You even siphon off 10% of each other team player's influence. Conflicts arise when more than one player on the team knows the code. After 200 or so entries of back-and-forth codes the game will announce "You two stop that right now and behave yourselves! Don't make me pull this server over!"

3) CODMODE: Turns everyone into a fish. BABs immediately quits his job rather than retool every animation for underwater use. Aquaman clones soon outnumber the Wolverine ones.

4) NANA_NANA_NANA_NANA_NA: Turns on the FREEM! sound effects system for everyone. Now instead of hearing sounds they appear as stylized bubbles above the player. However, they are physical objects and fall to the ground. Within minutes the region begins to resemble a Gravity Controllers Family Reunion.

5) CANTWEALLJUSTGETALONG: Sets a designated key with the special "Luuuuuuuuuv Doctor" effect. Hitting an opponent with this effect turns them instantly into the player's pet. There is no upper limit to how many pets can be so enslaved. Any emote the player makes will be instantly copied by all currently following pets. YouTube entries from City of Heroes suddenly grow exponentially.

6) WHATABOUTTHECHILDREN: Baby-fies any player or NPC within a 10 yard radius of the user's character. Unfortunately this is a Teen Rated game so defeating said babies for xp is out of the question. While villains can use this power as a guaranteed protection from their enemies heroes are not so lucky. The inherent goodness of a hero renders them incapable of ignoring a baby's cries and since, let's face it, the affected targets are likely QUITE upset about their new appearance, they're ALL going to be crying. Heroes using this power do have a secondary benefit however; for every in-game hour spent baby sitting they earn influence for day care services provided.

7) LOOKOVERTHEREISTHATELVIS: This game lacks a thieving or pick pocketing function! Use this code and its designated key against any NPC who is facing away from you and get a random drop. Use it against a player and get something they are carrying... even already-slotted enhancements! This is a Stalker's wet dream.

8) BLUESTEELISAWIMP: Who needs a 50th level cap? Certainly not you! Enter this code and your character will instantly be elevated to 100th level. You will be granted 10th and 11th tier powers that can destroy every enemy in a single zone at once; although it does have a bit of a recharge time. So that you don't get bored it also manifests equal conning enemies for you to fight or lead into groups of bewildered 50th level players for griefing purposes. Enjoy this while you can because I can pretty much guarantee you that the Devs will have axed your account for hacking within 20 minutes of receiving their first petition about you.

(post deleted as it was already done in another thread)

Possible ways Primal and Praetoria will Meet Up...

* Primal was standing in the rain waiting for a bus it missed... Praetoria was driving by and feeling generous... a light rock radio station... Praetoria's place was closer and what with Primal being soaked to the bone... magic was in the air...

* Upon discovering that Sister Psyche has a naughty "twin" in Praetoria Manticore holds Portal Corps employees at arrow point until they establish a connection.

* Blue Steel eats a bean burrito... one case of indigestion later there is a new dimensional rip.

* Pictures of Dominatrix make their way around the Portal Corps office pool. Employee moral has never been higher which allows them to burn the midnight oil in establishing contact with this world... just in case there's a video series too.

* The Resistance of Praetoria hear about a justice obsessed version of their own Tyrant and create a permanent portal to Primal. They begin screaming to the first people they encounter about living under the iron fist of a megalomaniac... when the people begin laughing their heads off the Resistance realize they are on the Rogue Isles and try again.

* Someone ticked off Happy Fun Ball.

* Someone engaged the Improbability Drive once too often.

* Tired of being at the bottom of the pecking order the Hellions walk in to the Magi vaults and grab the Mystic Plot Hole. With this Plot Hole firmly in place they realize they can accomplish virtually anything and never have to come up with an explanation of how that thing happened in the first place.

* Primal Nemesis decides to give a birthday present to Praetorian Nemesis in the form of a vacation getaway to Primal Earth. Hilarity ensues when Praetorian Nemesis does the same thing. The two portals combine and corrode to form a permanent nexus. After several hi-jinks the Nemesis pair blow up the laugh track machine and execute the writers for such a poorly written Nemesis Plot-line.

These are some things I "heard" during the Halloween Event so far... as well as the thoughts that flew through my mind as I heard them.

"Supernatural Activity Detected in Croatoa."
* Ummm... Duh.
* You were Mommy's "Special" child weren't you?
* They really let you man the Emergency Alert System, huh?
* They hire ANYONE for those Munipal jobs.
* Wow, I hope they don't have an air-raid siren attached to that alert... otherwise Sally is going to move to Independence Port.

"Zombie attack in Dark Astoria."
* You're the same guy who works in Croatoa aren't you?
* Wait a second... Someone actually entered Dark Astoria? I don't believe it.
* Okay, even if you DO respond to this Zombie Apocalypse... how can you tell who to attack?
* Family reunion.

"The zombies have disappeared from Dark Astoria."
* "... the zone's Hazard status has been summarily revoked."
* Hmmm... I guess that means it's a zone of nothing but guys in loin cloths... maybe they should rename it "Rainbow Astoria"?
* When the sky cleared moments later it was determined that the mist had just been a mass B.O. problem.
* But only because Keith Richards was rumored to have spotted in Pocket D.
* Oh, and the Council have disappeared from Striga... and the Skulls all left Kings Row... oh oh! And Arachnos is moving out of the Rogue Isles!