City of Husbands and Wives

So we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the trials and tribulations of being a hero or villain and even a few words here and there about being a civilian in City of. However, there is one group of people we have left out… who remain unheard.

What are the problems encountered by the normal, unpowered husbands and wives of those super heroes and villains?

• “He’s ‘faster than a speeding bullet’… ‘nuff said.”

• “Sleeping with a super powered thief? Not too bad… except he steals the covers… and the neighbor’s covers… and the neighbor’s car… and the neighbors…”

• “No, it won’t wait until half time… take the trash out right now or I tell the rest of the Supreme Squad why I have to use extra bleach when washing your tighty whiteys.”

• “Yeah… I love her but… well.. when you’re married to a super villain PMS stands for Pre-Murderous Situation.”

• “Does that spandex make you look fat? Ummm…” (makes call on cell phone) “My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question on the grounds that it might incinerate… I mean… incriminate me.”

• “I know he leads a double life Gladys… but if I find out he’s been ‘Going Rogue’ with that tramp Beverly I’ll starch his spandex.”

• “Oh come on dear… it’s not like you have superpowers or anything… I think you’re being silly.. there is no real reason why *I* can’t take the Thermo Nuclear Exoskeletal Power Suit out for a spin now and then… how about we start slow? Just weekends?”

• “I don’t know why you’re getting so excited… so I took the Spaz-Mobile out… my car is in the shop and we were out of eggs.”

• “Walter you STOP looking out that window this instant! You’ve been promising to visit my mother for six months now so STOP searching the night sky for the Rat Signal!”

• “You want me to cheat on my wife? Are you NUTS? She has super strength, super hearing and x-ray vision… Why I wouldn’t be surprised if she… Oh… Hi dear… where’d you come from?”

• “Yeah, living with a mind controller is a challenge… why just the other night she wanted me to take the dog for a walk during the game and I…” (sudden blank look on face, dull voice) “… My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world.. I am very very very very very very (Blink) happy.”

• “No, being married to an illusion controller isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. He keeps hinting about having a threesome… by having one of his phantom army members appear in the bed… nude. I guess I wouldn’t even mind that very much except it always ends up looking like the neighbor’s wife.”

• “Of course I still love you even though you’re a mutant now. You’ll eventually get control of your new electrical blasting powers. I’m sure the dog will forgive you for that accidental discharge when you sneezed… but… until you get complete control of your powers… no sex. No discussion. No negotiation.”

• “I tell you Marie, sex with a Brute is ah-may-zing… It’s hell on the bedroom furniture but when that Fury bar maxes out…. Oh my!”

• “I don’t CARE if they’re your minions Mister MasterMind… if they don’t learn to wipe their feet they’re not coming in the house.”

• “Okay, so what have we learned from this experience? Come on, say it with me: You’re right dear… using the Singularity to clean the living room was a bad idea.”

• “Oh… hello Professor Mayhem… no, my husband isn’t here right now. You need to kidnap me again? Oh my, can it wait a little while? I have a Parent Teacher conference with Billy’s math teacher in 20 minutes. How does four-thirty sound? Fantastic! I’ll meet you then and bring a batch of those chocolate chip cookies you love so much.”

• “My wife is a 50th level Shield/War Mace Tank. She’s saved the world more times than I can count. And I’m STILL the one who has to kill all the spiders in our house.”

• “Honey… I think you should come in here… no… nothing’s wrong… but I think Junior has inherited your teleportation powers… oh… and I figured out where the cat disappeared to…”

• “Okay FINE… I won’t nag you about lifting the toilet seat when you’re already angry… now how are we going to dislodge it from the ceiling?”

• “You fitted your super car with machine guns, ejector seats, laser targeting systems and a rocket booster but did you even consider a GPS? And now we’re going to be late to the Mayor’s dinner party because Mister Super Hero won’t pull over and ask for directions.”

• “Yeah, my wife is a Dominator… ALL my wives were dominators… this one just has powers.”

• “I wish he’d just let it go… I swear one red sock in the laundry and Lord White Knight has been whining for four straight weeks!”

• “I’m sorry… you can’t go… No… I’m putting my foot down. A magic consortium? Oh please… any place called the Midnighters Club has GOT to be a strip joint.”

• “I’ll tell you Madelyn, it gets a little trying at times… he’ll come home with a new badge and I’ll have to ooh and ahh and pretend I’m oh-so-proud of him… I swear it’s like living with a seven year old cub scout.”

• “Well I guess you should have told me before you MARRIED me! How hard would it have been Maurice? ‘Oh, honey, by the way… I have a squid form… isn’t that neat?’ It would have been a helluva lot better than springing it on me by simply transforming in our honeymoon suite!!”

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My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw

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"After my first divorce, I wanted the absolute furthest thing from my ex-wife, which is why I went and found her Praetorian double!"

"The worst thing about being married to an Empathy Defender is loss of coffee. Every morning it's 'Hi, honey!' and then Adrenaline Boost."

"Is this Mrs. Cacophony? I'm calling from Paragon High... Yes, I'm afraid there's been some trouble with your daughter... No, it's nothing too serious. She just signed up for choir, and you know how it is with that Sonic Blast... To make a long story short, the windows are gonna run a few grand."

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"Sure honey, I'd be happy to pick up tampons on the way home but I can't fly into the city right now.. Why? Oh, it seems it's closed for maintenance... Yes, again... I know it's the fifth time this week!"

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Citizen: "You know, saving the world must put an awful kind strain on your marriage! Staying out till all hours of the night... putting your life in danger time after time just to take down some sleazy, lowlife street punk in a back alley somewhere... why, your wife must be an absolute saint for putting up with it all! How does she do it?"

Hero: "She doesn't - but my husband does... How do you think we met?"

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Steelclaw, you really need a life.

Oh yeah, great list, as usual.

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Arc #6015 - Coming Unglued

"A good n00b-sauce is based on a good n00b-roux." - The Masque

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My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw

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Combat Kangaroos, Justice Server. First 50's
Jirra Roo Plant/Storm/Stone/Musculature Controller
Combat Kangaroo Rifle/Energy/Mace/Spiritual Blaster
Kung Fu Kangaroo Martial Arts/Reflexes/Body/Spiritual Scrapper
Tribal Arc Shield/Elec/Mu/Spiritual Tanker