Steelclaw

Not too long ago another thread in the forums led me to discover a web site that allows you to create your own movies; you just provide the script and a few general stage directions.

Needless to say, this was similar to introducing Nitros to Glycerin.

So, I would like to announce the first ever Steelclaw Studios Production of The Good and Evil Interviews. I envision them as a sort of commentary on the game by two of the characters who are in it. Captain Chrome will be representing the hero side of things while Doctor Dial Tone will take up the nefarious villain perspective.

If they are relatively well received I will continue on with the series, probably at around once a month commenting on current in-game events and so on.

This is my very first attempt at this so please, PLEASE don't expect Dark_Respite quality video work. I'm just a hack. On the other hand, if you have any suggestions to improve things please feel free to fling them. Any feedback is welcome.

Oh, one last thing... I promise there will be no lists or song parodies in this video.... .... .... and yes, it was STILL me who wrote the script despite that.

Without further ado...

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5895157

* Bone Daddy: "I resolve to kill the next smart acre who calls me a 'Bone Me Daddy'"

* Synapse: "I resolve this year to slow down and take a look at the big picture for a cha... oh look! A Bunny!"

* Hellions Supplier: "Bactine... gotta order more Bactine..."

* Blue Steel: "Personal improvements? Hmmmm... personal improvements.... I'll have to get back to you on that one."

* Sister Psyche: "To still fit inside my hero outfit come next December."

* Manticore: "To have a little archer running around the house come next December."

* Sister Psyche: (Sighs) "Not even January first yet and already failing at my resolutions..."

* Clockwork King: "I resolve to find a hollywood make up artist who can make a foam rubber mask to fit around the jar. Note to self: Make sure they've never been lauded in Fangoria magazine first."

* Doctor Vahzilok: "I resolve to see the beauty inside people! Like that woman last night; never have I seen such a perfect spleen before."

* Crimson: "I resolve to be more forthcoming."

* Blue Steel: "Hmmm... nope... nothing yet..."

* Lord Recluse: "I resolve to finally get over my arachnophobia."

* Scirroco: "I resolve to finally be Evil in 2010! Wait, I didn't say evil... I said Evil! Oh come ON! You can not tell me that this stupid curse won't even let me say I want to be Evil! No! I said Evil! EVIL EVIL EVIL! Oh, drat... this isn't good at all... Wait, what? Oh for the love of all that's Evil!"

* Wretch: "Wretch gonna be housebroken. You betcha."

* Ghost Widow: "I resolve not to use my spinning hold attack on Wretch as a form of punishment any longer. I've seen lawn sprinklers with less range."

* Blue Steel: "I suppose I could resolve to be better at... wait... nope... scratch that..."

* Nemesis: "Let's see, I'll get this hero to fulfill resolution number one. Oh, and that hero right there would be perfect for helping me with resolution two. Oh dear, I was a bit ambitious when I made my third New Year's resolution... this may require a Task Force."

* Silver Mantis: "I resolve to FINALLY find a tank who can live up to their Invulnerability power set."

* Azuria: "In 2010 I hereby solemnly vow to... to umm.... I had it right here... I swear... well darn it all... my resolution list seems to be missing..."

* Fusionette could not be reached for comment.

* Carnival of Shadows Strongman: "I resolve to get treated with respect around here and not like some piece of meat!"

* Blue Steel: "I've got it! In 2010 I resolve to be more humble!"

Another magnificent triumph that far outstrips the accomplishments of so-called "normal" people.

Indeed, it was so stupendous that it leads me to suspect the creator of such majesty may not be entirely human. Or, perhaps.... just perhaps... the song is a clue to the truth!

Dark_Respite is not human. She is, in reality, a City of Heroes construct.

She has obviously taken the Artistic Genius archetype with Natural Origin. Further research has revealled that she took Videographer Vixen as her primary power set with Sublime Comedian backing it up as secondary.

I still think six-slotting her ninth tier Pure Perfection power was over-kill.

Excellent job, D_R!

~Steelclaw

* Westin Phipps got enough coal to heat Haven House for six generations.

* Back Alley Brawler got those Freezy Freaky mittens. XXXXXXXLarge

* Scirroco got an IOU from Santa for when he finally manages to break the curse.

* Synapse got a year supply of "protection" which he insisted was a joke gift from someone. In early 2010, however, he will spend 20 minutes attempting to convince his accountant to accept a receipt and file it under "advertising expenses."

* Captain Mako got the blu-ray collector's edition box set of Jaws; special Family Reunion Version.

* Statesman received a year's subscription to Barely Legal magazine. After much public embarassment and bad publicity an investigation revealled the billing address on the subscription to be somewhere in the Rogue Isles. The press apologized and the whole thing smoothed over. No one noticed he never cancelled the subscription.

* Marshall Brass got a personality. He returned it for cash.

* Fusionette got a GPS tracking device.... surgically implanted under her skin.

* Black Scorpion got 25 cases of Turtle Wax.

* After several weeks of what seemed like a bad case of Turets Syndrome, Luminary was finally correctly diagnosed. Her Christmas gift of an effective Spam Filter cleared things right up.

* Ghost Widow got a case of Vanishing Cream. Once found, the sender got vanished.

* Sally got a giant economy size can of mace. Soon after, a random badger got a big surprise.

* Doctor Aeon got a Rubik's Cube. After five fruitless days he re-gifted it.

* Nemesis got everything he asked for on his Christmas list.... .... eventually...

A bonfire of Hellions

An anatomy of Skulls

A harvest of Vahzilok (alternatively an Explosion of Vahzilok if there are a lot of 'em)

A click-clack of Clockwork

A broadcast of Lost (but only if one is wearing a tv helmet otherwise they're a Bureau of Lost)

A confusion of Trolls

An indraw of Outcasts

A meeting of Council

A sphere of Circle of Thorns

A nosefull of Hydra

A junkyard of Freakshow

A L.A.R.P. of Warriors

A row of 5th Column

A Cat House of Carnie

A Liberation of Knives

A mix of Malta

A rain of Rikti

A plot of Nemesis

Sorry, I don't do song parodies.

Here are a few off the top of my head...

* You're actually worth XP?!

* What am I playing the Muppet Babies version of CoH now?

* I didn't know enemies could con transparent.

* Let's see... xp, influence, prestige... oh and calories... yeah, may as well.

* I'm only doing this because I'm hoping you have an older brother who will be worth my while.

* Okay, you will be judged on execution, difficulty level and landing of your upcoming face plant... Go!

* You should be warned... I've been practicing Origami applications in the field of ragdoll physics.

Santa Claus has a lot of things to worry about in our world; what with delivering presents to most of the world's children in a single night, elf rights, frequent BIO breaks for the reindeer and the occassional air space violation over military bases.

However, one might imagine that the Santa Claus in the City of Heroes dimension may have a few concerns that ours does not...

* Every super villain in the world knows he's carrying a veritable ton of loot, the night he's going transporting it as well as his standard operating procedure for delivery. As added bonuses they don't have to leave their homes to get it and can claim to the cops it was self defense against breaking and entering.

* The psychics of the world can tell if HE's been naughty or nice.

* The elves keep getting into philosophical debates about whether they are Natural or Magical origin.

* The reindeer get offended by the wolf-whistles and cat-calls from the Tuatha de Dannan every time he delivers to Croatoa.

* All the danged Nemesis plots trying to get himself back on the Nice list.

* Months of letters from Westin Phipps attempting to convince him the people of the Rogue Isles really WANT lumps of coal so as to keep warm during the winter.

* The presents scattered around Paragon and Rogues during the Winter Event. He's tired of having to explain to small children that HIS presents won't spawn giant killer snowmen.

* Rikti attacks by commanders who heard about the Magic of Christmas and want to erradicate it.

* Every year Santa gives Statesman a brand new FULL helmet for his costume. And every year Statesman forgets and rips the thing in half the first time he takes it off.

* Foreshadow ALWAYS knows what's in the present.

* The contents of Captain Mako's gift always leaks over the other presents in the sack.

* Swan still refuses to sing "Santa Baby" to him when he delivers her present.

* Mrs Claus constantly referring to Widow as the "Ghost of Christmas' Past" for that one little indiscretion when she was still living.

* Scirroco's name appearing on the Naughty list no matter how many times Santa writes it down on the Nice.

* Being the real reason behind the condition of Boomtown and constantly having to remember that, despite her requests or how nice she's been that year, Mynx is NOT to receive catnip toys for Christmas.

* Hand delivering Fusionette's present because lord only knows who's captured her this week.

* Base Raiding defenses.

* Explaining to Wretch that his gift of a pet bunny is a "look but don't touch" kind of present.

* Having to work closely with Bill Gates just to puzzle out what the heck Luminary's gift request is.

* Form letter responses to all the requests to "please un-nerf ED."

* People using Ouroboros to rewrite their letters to Santa over and over again until their gift-receiving potential is maximized.

* Red Cap requests for female elves as breeding stock.

Okay... here's some for ya... now before you get in a tizzy remember you said you wanted "New" updates... you said nothing about "accurate"...

* To take advantage of the new Ultra Graphics mode coming with Going Rogue there will be new impact animations on all enemy types. There is some tweaking yet to occur however, as a single Super Strength punch against a Hydra will cause it to endlessly "Jell-O mold jiggle" as the shockwave makes circuits around its body.

* With the popularity of costume change emotes the developers will be introducing the Death Throes emote. You set your favorite manner of death and when you lose the fight you will go into whatever your favorite animation is. Choices will include: I Coulda Been A Contender, Flop-Like-A-Fish, Lemming Self-Destruction Pop and Stumble Twist Turn and Topple. Please note that the William Shatner death emote is uninterruptible since any death scene lasting less than 2 minutes would not be true Shatner.

* You've had that cell phone since your first contact gave you their cell phone number. Now you'll finally get to use it! To add realism to the game you will now get incoming phone calls! Just imagine how heroic you'll feel when you field calls from relatives, friends, telemarketters, and villains you just defeated desiring to spend their one phone call telling you off!

* Now that the OTHER game allows your player to have an arch-nemesis who fights you and follows you throughout your career; CoH developers will soon initiate their own version! The City of Heroes' nemesis system will be a little different, however. The Devs figure that since the game already HAS a Nemesis, why not use him? That's right! Your character will now be victim to a concentrated series of Nemesis Plots through out their career! Contacts will turn on you. Seeming victories will turn out to be complete defeats. Every good thing you accomplish will all seem to directly or indirectly benefit Nemesis himself! Watch all your life's work become meaningless! Yes, it's the Nemesis System!

Steelclaw's Christmas Make-Over:

* Every time you go to a trainer to level up they first ask if you've been a good girl/boy/indeterminate gender. Heroes who answer "No" or Villains who say "Yes" are patted on the head and subjected to a commercial encouraging them to buy Going Rogue.

* Clockwork spontaneously break into song about the "Island of Misfit Toys"

* Atlas Park and other areas will be decorated for the holidays. The Atlas Statue will have two very large spherical ornaments hanging from a strategic location. They will be blue.

* Contacts will randomly assign "fetch the stolen item" missions only to have it turn out you were doing their Christmas gift shopping for them.

* You will be able to give white washes to wimpy contacts who, despite not having super powers, always treat you with deep condescension.

* New Kidnap Rescue Mission: Get Frosty out of the warehouse before he melts! If you succeed you get xp awards and a recipe. If you fail then you get the "Must have been some magic in that old top hat you found" salvage item.

* New Grinch Giant Monster. You can defeat him either via combat or making his heart grow three sizes that day.

* Merry Christmas Charlie Brown Task Force: Search and find the scrawniest and most picked-upon of all the Devouring Earth. Once you find him, get decorations and support to make him look buff enough to gain the respect of the other Devouring Earth.

* The Rudolph Temp Power: It's basically another flight temp power, like the Raptor or Jingle packs, however it makes your nose glow such a bright red it obscures half the screen. Those of you who were foolish enough to create a /dark armor Stalker with flight powers will be well-familiar with this effect.

* The Christmas Fruit Cake: This item will randomly appear when you click on certain "mystery package" inspirations. The Christmas Fruit Cake will debuff your speed, recovery and recharge a minor amount as long as you have it. The only way to get rid of it is to "re-gift" it. Just click on it to activate then bump into another player. If that player has room in their inspiration tray they will get the Fruit Cake. You can not be "re-gifted" a fruit cake you have already held at one time. Although the Fruit Cake automatically disappears at the conclusion of the Winter Event, it mysteriously resurfaces come next year.

* Ice - Yes, all ponds and lakes will be frozen over! As an added bonus the ocean sections will also freeze close to shore. If that weren't enough you also get black ice! For those of you in warmer climes not familiar with black ice; it is practically invisible ice formed from puddles on the roads and sidewalks. You will need +perception powers/enhancements to detect it. Anyone moving over black ice at faster than a Walk will skid out of control. Normal run suffers knockdown. Sprint gets Knockback. Ninja Run also gets Knockback but they fall very acrobatically and land on their feet. Superspeedsters will act as though they jumped in a random direction falling down if they hit a horizontal surface first and becoming a smear on the face of any vertical surface they impact.

New one:

(to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)

Oh Positron, Oh Positron
Please give us information
Oh Positron, Oh Positron
Free us from rumination

Oh please ignore your Marketing
We beg you tell us everything
Oh Positron, Oh Positron
Please give us information

Oh Positron, Oh Positron
Going Rogue sounds thrilling
Oh Positron, Oh Positron
But the wait to us is killing

For every week without more news
Is not the torment we would choose
Oh Positron, Oh Positron
Oh please don’t leave us hanging

Oh Positron, Oh Positron
More info we’re demanding
Oh Positron, Oh Positron
To your lackeys be commanding

Just tell us about seventeen
Please disobey and cause a scene
Oh Positron, Oh Positron
You’re Marketing’s wee play thing

Okay folks, I am hereby organizing the Official City of Heroes caroling choir. You don’t need six slot tone-detection, so long as you’re enthusiastic and willing to wear the spandex choir uniform door-to-door in sub-freezing temperatures.

Anyway, for those of you who are interested, here’s your lyric sheets.

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Fighting through the map
On an eight-man awesome team
Damage is at cap
Making villains scream
You watch the level round
Toward salvation creep
And then you hear that lovely sound
So sweet it makes you weep

Level Ding, Level Ding!
Inspiration high!
It will even bring you back
Should you happen to die

Level Ding! Level Ding!
Such a lovely song!
If you love the level ding
It will never lead you wrong!


(To the tune of Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer)

You know Statesman and Posi and Manti and Brawler
Sister and Malaise and Synapse that LoL-er
But do you recall?
The most nameless heroes of all?

All hail the Generic’d heroes
Found themselves without a name
Now they serve as a warning
In case you wanna do the same
The owners of all the comics
Into Court they took the fight
They said “We will not let you…
…Violate our copyrights!”

Then one lazy week end night
Some guy chanced to say
“You know what would be so keen?
I’m gonna make me Wolverine!”

Then how the Mods they clubbed him
As they shouted out with glee
“We’re gonna take your costume…
…And now nameless you will be!”


(to the tune of Silent Night)

Silent night
Boring night
Not a team
Is in sight

Here I stand and spam the tell
All alone in PUG-less hell
My favorite server is dead
All the servers are dead

Silent night
Boring night
I’ll solo
Teamless fight

Tell myself that I do not mind
All the missions an endless grind
Where the heck are the players?
Someone please answer my prayers.



(to the tune of It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter
As we flock to Pocket D
Just log in on your main to turn in your candy canes
Or use super jump while learnin’ how to ski

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter
Presents everywhere!
Just click to open wide and see what lurks inside
An ambush or a gift beyond compare!

A dark flaming halo or just one all aglow
Is the wish of the costume piece fiends
Snowball emotes or mistletoe notes
To give RPers the means
To play and wish each other a merry Christmas

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter
Snaptooth strikes again
On New Year he takes his toll; by kidnapping that little troll
And enlisting all the Tuatha de Dannan…

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter
With new added content
Scramble to find a team to end Lord Winter’s dream
And make that walking snowman just repent


That’s it for now. I will likely be adding more as they occur to me and, as always, feel free to add your own!

Okay, so we have the letters of Omega Team who nobly sacrificed their lives to save the world on a mission from which they knew they would not return.

This week's Stupid Question:

If the developers offered a closed Task Force that would not only influence the direction of the game universe's future but would also result in all characters on the Task Force becoming part of Canon... would you offer up one of your characters for the job?

Now, before you answer... consider a few restrictions/guidelines:

1) ALL your character's actions on the TF will become Canon... so if they are the true hero of the day and lead their team to ultimate victory they will be remembered as such. If, on the other hand, they die in the first mission... that will also be well-documented.

2) This is, as in Omega Team, a suicide mission. Once you finish the Task Force you will lose access to that character. You have the honor of having them part of CoH lore, but you won't be able to play them anymore.

3) In order to qualify for the honor, the Devs want a hero (or villain, this is a co-op mission) who has a developed past. In other words, only those who have long proven themselves as worthy will be allowed to participate. The character must be a long-standing one (say it's been in existence for at least a year) and meet a minimum level of 35. So no rolling up a character and power-leveling them just for this purpose.

So... if this were offered... would you jump at the chance or avoid it like the plague?

You all behave back there! Don't MAKE me pull this thread over!

I am thankful that my son's Leukemia has gone into remission. I am thankful the chemo he will be on for the next year has not made him too ill even if it has drained his energy levels.

I am thankful for the people in my life who understand my oddities and even love me for them.

I am thankful for a game that allows me to be someone else for a little while when reality gets closer and the mirror message "things in the mirror may be closer than they appear" begins to scream at me.

I am thankful to have been blessed with an imagination and sense of humor. I am thankful for it not because of the attention it sometimes gets me, but because it has been warm blanket, sturdy shield and occasionally trusty sword through some very hard times.

I am thankful for every breath I draw in; for it is filled with potential. With these breaths I can give birth to communication. I can laugh, sing, sigh or sob. With each breath I draw within me life. With each exhalation I rid myself of that which would poison me. When the world has me cornered and the distance until dawn seems like a never-ending dark highway... I breathe. Just breathe.

One of the following is true:

A) In the book I wrote my main character's name is D'Shan who became D'Shan Steelclaw in-game which was shortened to Steelclaw on the forums.

B) When I was six I was in a horrible wood-chipper accident where I lost my left hand which was subsequently replaced with a crude steel simalcrum.

C) I originally considered Teal Claw but it didn't have the same impact.

D) All of the above.

E) None of the above.

F) One of the above and some of the below.

G) My original aim was to "rule the forums with a steel claw" but that has since degenerated into "being the court jester of the forums."

H) I was originally Foam Rubber Finger, as my post count grew I advanced to Brittle Finger Nail, Copper Cuticle and Tin Talon. From Steelclaw I hope to advance later to Adamantium Appendage.

I) Mr. No Pants was taken.

J) Attempted Mr No Shirt but the neighbors complained to the police and an injunction was filed.

K) "Poor dark soul living in the agony of loneliness and pushing back the terror and depression of solitude by creating an unending litany of joke lists and nonsense posts as a means of whistling in the dark" exceeded the maximum number of characters.

Most excellently portrayed... for which I must secretly curse you... as you have now made waiting for Going Rogue that much more torturous...

But don't worry... it's just a little curse... minor... maybe a hangnail or something..

Other than making time pass more slowly... Fantastic job!

Some new NPC dialog heard in City of CatGirls:

Vahzilok: I can haz ur liver nao?

Troll Spawn: Itteh Bitteh Dim-Witteh Committeh

Azuria: I haz a magic buckit. Oh no! Dey be stealin' mah buckit!

Just Rescued Civilian: I made you some influence... but I eated it.

Fusionette: I'm in ur mission... Aggroing ur maps.

Final Words of the Boss You Just Defeated: Happy Boss... has run out of happy.

Okay folks, blame this one on an in-game conversation I had with a character named Deuteronomy. Not my fault… keep that in mind while reading… not… my… fault…

Things that would be different if Cat-Girls (or feline based characters) took over Paragon City.

• Carpet the lower quarter of every statue in the city for use as a scratching post.

• Replace all cargo ships in Independence Port and Talos Island with fishing vessels… lots and lots of fishing vessels.

• All fountains in the city emptied of water... then filled with sand.

• Any character with the cat tail costume piece gets knockback protection, while cat ears grant perception bonuses.

• New Emotes! Including the Clean Self, Groom Other, Catch Butterfly, Happy Tail, Content Tail, Angry Tail, Nervous Tail and the puffed out and back arched PO’d PuddyTat.

• All AE buildings will now contain a room that is completely dark except for a randomly wandering laser pointer dot.

• Between the Halloween and Winter events each feline character shall leave a trail of shed fur. Such trails will accumulate and form fur clusters that shall blow aimlessly around the zone.

• All chat will now pass through a LOL-Cat filter changing “Hello” to “Oh Hai!” and misspelling most common words and phrases.

• All movie theaters and stage companies within the city shall now only show the broadway play CATS on their marquis.

• Statesman shall here-to-for be known as Ceiling Cat. Lord Recluse is hereby changed to Basement Cat.

• All between-zone transportation shall now be handled by Monorail Cat.

• Any leaking of information regarding the location/disposition of The Bucket shall be punishable by death.

• Sound effect emotes such as Purr and Caterwaul shall be instituted immediately.

• Any character choosing the Claws power set will now be allowed a Cat’s Claw weapon choice. Anyone choosing any claw version OTHER than Cat’s Claw shall take a permanent Accuracy and Damage Debuff.

• Anyone using the wolf head or having a character name in any-way-shape-or-form containing a canine reference shall be unable to create their character anywhere but the Rogue Isles. Existing characters with such names/costume pieces shall be forced to accept alignment change to villain once Going Rogue is live.

• All Paragon Police Department members will now go by the title “Dog Catcher.”

• The Rogue Isles are now officially known as “The Pound.”

• There will be a 600,000,000 influence reward for the capture of Bob Barker for the purpose of subsequent neutering.

• The Atlas Statue will now be holding a giant ball of yarn.

• Gravity Controllers will now only be able to summon Yarn, Squeaky Mousie Toys and Milk Carton Rings via Propel. Such items will be permanent until a Feline character bats them under the sofa, refrigerator or other such place.

• The power originally called “Speed Boost” shall here-to-for be referred to as “Catnip.”