Samuel_Tow
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Posts
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Quote:That's actually my primary argument against unlockable costumes. Why would I want to make a character who won't be the way he's supposed to be until, like, level 35? Why, more specifically, when I'll never be happy enough with the character to get that high?Originally Posted by Thirty-Seven
I guess I have to ask: why would you make a character who you KNOW for a fact (at the time of creation) was NOT going to look "the way she is supposed to" and that there was no prospect of her looking that way... and no discussion of that happening? -
Quote:I think the solution to that is simple, and it lies in the Dopelganger system. Let us either design a nemesis or pick one from our roster of opposing characters. Once that's done - and it's as technically doable as putting your own clone in - then just have that nemesis show up in random missions either in place of the mission boss, in addition to the mission boss or just in a spawn somewhere along the way. Give him a few generic lines of dialogue, like "I strike when you least expect it!" or "We meet again, Mr. Bond!" or something along those lines. That's pretty much all you need. At most, replace his surrounding spawn with Mastermind henchmen of your given choosing and be done with it.Originally Posted by Shadestorm
I'm at a loss on this one, as I can't honestly think of any reason outside of direct player intervention that players of opposing factions WOULD be uncomfortable with each other. This is the situation we have now. Vigilante visits the rogue isles to be buddies with villains rather than stop villains from committing crimes. This is thematically all kinds of wrong, and takes quite a bit away from the concept of having a side in the first place.
Well, Rogues in Paragon City have their own unique briefing options for Tip missions, and they can't really do much more, such as regular contacts. They are, in fact, not welcome, because no-one will work with them. You CAN still team with other players, but I don't want to encourage strife between players, themselves. Faction on faction and fiction on fiction feuds I'm perfectly fine with, but under NO circumstances do I want to encourage players to be hostile to each other. That's the prime reason I hate PvP - I much prefer cooperation over competition and backstabbing. People will naturally want to be friendly and play together because that's what players do. Write the environment to be hostile, but don't try to make the players hostile to each other.Quote:What isn't well done is the execution of those grey moralities in a thematic sense as a long term alignment. Taking a rogue to paragon city doesn't feel any more dangerous than staying at home. Nobody's wary of my motives, nobody's ready to tell me they don't work with scum like me unless it absolutely necessary. Nobody's threatening to have me arrested if I step out of line for even a second. Hell, everyone's happy to see me, wants me to join their posi taskforce, and then throw flowers and ******* lollipops at me for being such a cool random guy walking the streets. -
Quote:You're probably right. I didn't remember the number and couldn't be arsed to look up the Issue Trailer with that cool voiceover. But, yeah, even counting all the different ways we've travelled through time already, they still don't come up to 11. And even then, who's to say there aren't more Silos just isn't aware of? Yeah, yeah, Nemesis, whatever. There's always some other power the plot is conveniently unaware of until the writers decide to come up with it.Originally Posted by Fleeting Whisper
IIRC, he specifically says that it's one of eleven means of time travel.
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I suspect Incarnates may come with some story assumptions appended, but I'd say they'll get treated like Patron powerpools do now - that is to say, people will take the powers but pretend to not take the narrative with it. There are plenty of people who took Scirocco's red lightning because they wanted red lightning and simply write it off as an extension of their own Electrical Melee powers as created by arc reactors, rather than as the magic of the Mu. Incarnates will be no different.
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Quote:You really should be using ++ SOs, as any self-respecting SOd 50 will have upgraded his to ++ by just buying his enhancements three times. I'd do the calculation for commons, but ParagonWiki seems to be down and I don't remember the enhancement percentages.Originally Posted by Rush_Bolt
3 SOs = 99.9 pre-ED/94.98 post-ED
*edit*
Or do I? A basic level 50 Schedule A common is 42.4% enhancement. The very rare damage enhancement is 45%, two thirds of which skip ED, so that's 30% unaffected and 15% affected. With three level 50 commons and that, you have:
3*42.4 + 15 = 127.2 + 15 = 142.2%.
That's over the highest ED cap, so its ED calculation is:
95 + (0.15*(142.2 - 100)) = 95 + (0.15*42.2) = 95 + 6.33 = 101.33%
Together with the extra 30% unaffected, that's a total of 131.33% enhancement. Smite for a level 50 Scrapper deals 82.58. With enhancement, that's:
82.58*(100% + 131.33%) = 82.58*231.33% ~ 191.03 damage enhanced with this thing.
Without the added Incarnate thing, Smite's damage enhancement, post ED, would come to:
95 + (0.15*(127.2 - 100)) = 95 + 0.15*27.2 = 95+ 4.08 = 99.08.
At Smite's base of 82.58 and enhancement value of 99.08%, that's a total of:
82.58*(100% + 99.08%) = 82.58*199.08% = 164.4 damage total.
So, yes, you get around 30-ish points more damage, but Smite is one of Dark Melee's weaker attacks, so the difference in direct damage does not look great. However, the difference in enhancement is significant, at 231.33% - 199.08% = 32.25%. That's basically an entire extra base-level SO in every power that does damage over your entire character, which is no small thing. -
Quote:Pure new content does not require Incarnates to exist. The Incarnate system is just that - a system. It's not too much different from levelling up or gaining experience. You don't do a story arc to "earn" level 50, you just gather enough experience, with story arcs along the way divided into level ranges. That's how you should view Incarnates - as a system of more levels, an extended level cap, as it were. Don't look at it as new stories resulting in Incarnate stuff, but rather look at it as levelling up WHILE doing new stories, where available.Originally Posted by Flarstux
I don't mind repeating content. I do it with every new alt. What I don't like is doing the same stuff over again on a character that's done it already. That's why I can't farm worth a damn, even if I get it in my head to try. So, for my 50s that have played through all the available level 50 stuff - is there going to be enough NEW level 50 stuff for them to get anywhere with this?
That said, unless this changed, you were actually encouraged to do all the existing level 50 tasks, as well as the new ones to come. Incarnate boosts take many different components, and each 50 task gave out a different component. -
Quote:Here's the thing: It "introduces" me to origins as a tangible game aspect - possibly the single worst plot device in the history of the game... And then does nothing with it. It's a bad story, because it's pointless and, moreover, because it's destructive. It ruins what could have been a good plot element, and for what? It does NOTHING with it.Originally Posted by Shadow State
But there's a world of difference between it being an introduction to origins and letting it railroad you because you see it as the whole of origins.
I may sound like a snob saying this, but the Origin of Powers idea hasn't earned the right to jump the shark. I could have swallowed this if the story were interesting or compelling, if it lulled me into the idea and THEN slapped me with the railroading nature. But no. The story is just about nothing but a straight jacket.
I assume the story is "right" because if it's wrong then it has no reason to exist. -
You are right in that we haven't been told. I hope we're not locked in some "Destined One" storyline with the Incarnate arcs that basically re-writes our backstories and changes our origin. Ramiel did speak about our "inner incarnates," so it seems like it won't be a new origin but a sort of next stage of evolution. We're still who we were before, we're just... Sort of godlike.
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Quote:Numbers don't lie, but numbers don't talk. You need to interpret them, and it's in these interpretations that falsehoods arise. NCsoft don't release all of their pertinent numbers, and even the ones they do release get misinterpreted to mean something completely different more often than not. That's why I rarely pay too much heed to these threads.Originally Posted by Zombie Man
NUMBERS LIE!
Blah! That's just anti-intellectual conspiracy-theorist stupidity. -
Quote:Thank youOriginally Posted by Symar
Ooh. I like. I generally don't read this stuff, but I like this one. Sorry, nothing to say beyond that. Makes me wish I could meet her in-game, heh.
I tried to make this an easy read, and a less... Heavy story than it really is. It's been really fun to write so far, and I don't think I'll stretch it out much more than that. No need to go too long, really, but with the way Po goes off-track so much, it could be longer than necessary
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How many times must the developers reconfirm that they are adding content rebalanced with Incarnate powers in mind IN I19 before people start wondering whether there will be content rebalanced with incarnate powers in mind?
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But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
Discuss. -
Quote:It's not ideal, as you have to devote a slot to it, but then I have a LOT dumber things I could be devoting slots to, like damage in Beanbag, endurance reduction in Combat Jumping and actual knockback distance INCREASES in practically any power which has knockback. Technically speaking, turning knockback into knockdown would be an improvement to some powers, so I can see spending the slot of that. Easily. Might actually make me feel less stupid for taking Hand Clap.Originally Posted by Dark_Impact
I see no downside to this. You give up an enhancement slot to do nothing other than reduce knockback, and it is totally optional.
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Quote:Targeting boxes, hit boxes and collision boxes are the same for all player characters irrespective of their size, model or costume choice. There is no advantage to being small, because you can't fit through tighter areas than a bigger character and there are no disadvantages to being big because you just clip through the wall and pass through the same areas as smaller characters do. The only possible disadvantage is that taller characters put your map higher off the ground and closer to the ceiling in low-ceiling areas, but that's really just a nit-pick.Originally Posted by BBQ_Pork
Aren't the targeting boxes the same size for different size characters?
Otherwise there wouldn't be a PvPer in the current game over 4ft.
Collision-wise, though. I have a couple of 4ft characters who cannot pass under piping in some sewer maps, where they look like they should, but my 6ft+ characters would obviously have to duck.
(Oh, of course, that bubbler can target through the team window. ) -
Quote:That I actually don't know. I'm not sure what technical limitations there are to a greater variety in sizes, with the possible exception of the height slider becoming too sensitive. PvP really shouldn't be a concern, as all players have the same size and shape click box regardless of their model, so even if you're as big as a field mouse, you still have the click box of a grown man. Yes, even if you're a woman. It worse in reverse, as well - hugely tall, chunky dudes have the same hit box as an ordinary man.Originally Posted by Amerikatt
If I *have* to be this silly anthropomorphized feline hybrid thing, can I at least get the height slider lowered to 1', please? Being a 4' tall cat makes me *quite* self-conscious and breaks my immersion!
I would, in fact, support extending the sliders both farther down and farther up. My agenda in this case is the opposite - I want a character roughly as big as a Fake Nemesis. But I see no reason why it can't work both ways. What's more, I'd like to see women resized so they're on the same height scale as men. Right now, they're about a foot shorter by default and are significantly shorter at maximum.
If you look under the hood and examine your costume files, there's a height value that goes from a negative value to a positive value, with 0 being the middle of the slider. Height caps vary from model to model (men cap at 25, but women go as high up as 38), but it seems to be capped more by choice, rather than by technical limitation. -
You lost me at PvP, I'm afraid. I'm not opposed to a nemesis style system, but I don't think it's something you want to tie to PvP, simply because it isn't needed. Now, having an option to assign a real player as your nemesis, that I can't really argue about, but if that nemesis HAD to be a player, then I'm not interested.
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The way it worked in GR Beta was satisfactory. Those of us who wanted to solo our way into Incarnates had Shards to look at, and those will drop from ANY level 50+ enemy for a character who's unlocked the slot. Those who wanted a faster run of it could instead do TFs and get a guaranteed component, though which component you got depended on which task you did, as each dropped a different one.
If the Alpha slot is like it was in Beta (pun not intended), then I like how that worked. You had to work your way up, true, but an important component in each new boost was one of the old boosts, so you were never really starting from scratch when you were upgrading. And because these shards weren't tradable, the thing felt a lot like actual levelling, which in turn felt like a level cap raise, which in turn again felt like a good thing. Cheeky, in fact - raising the level cap without actually raising the level cap.
I hope this doesn't turn into some kind of elitist "You are not cool enough to have this!" kind of thing. With Shards being untradable (they ought to) and with Shards dropping from solo play (let's hope that doesn't change), the system certainly ran in precisely that direction. It's just... Gonna' take me a while to figure out which boost I want for what character, provided it doesn't take a year each. -
Quote:And, yeah, pretty much this. Every game faces limitations in some place at some point. There hasn't been a game made that has been completely and entirely unlimited, and I'm counting pen and paper games in there, as well.Originally Posted by Bad_Influence
I might want to create Cthuhu in this game, or a giant sea-serpent, but I recognize that its based around an anthromorphic body model and that is they way we roll here. Everything has limitations, and that is a limitation of this game as EVERY OTHER game has its own limitations.
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Quote:Please don't throw around accusations like they're going out of style. I'm not trolling you. I'm picking the least bad of two possible options - either this thread is a joke and you're just having a spot of fun, or you're seriously serious and sadly deluded that this has even the inkling of a chance to happen. It doesn't. It never has, and it never will. Fact.Originally Posted by Amerikatt
No joke, Sam. Please don't troll me. You don't want a cat model, that's fine. I do, and I will continue to hold out hope -- no matter how long it takes nor how naive my request may sound to certain factions of the community!
And I'm not saying this because I don't like your request. I do. But I realise it is technically and mechanically impossible to make, and even if it were would be so, so horribly not worth the price of investment that you won't get any sane developer to even look at it. It's like asking to add space ship combat to the game, or asking for the game to be remade in the Unreal 3 engine, or asking for a turn-based conquest mode to be added. It's so far and so completely out of scope with any precedent that has even been hinted at as to be unthinkable.
The most you're ever likely to get is an AT with a transformation into such a thing, but then it won't be YOUR character, unless you choose to remake. You have a very, very, VERY slim chance of getting a quadruped transformation ala Walk, but this is guaranteed to disable all of your powers, so you won't be doing any flying around.
David basically dismissed any notion of adding new models out of hand and beyond argument, and that was when we were suggesting HUMANOID models. You WILL NOT get a non-humanoid model to make characters into. Not in this game, not at this stage of development. You are free to keep requesting it and keep hoping, but be realistic about your prospects. And please, don't insult my intelligence for being realistic. -
For a while now, there's been this massive push to make players "belong" to organisations, come to think of it. It started with I10 and Vanguard, where you can't really do any War Zone arcs unless you're a member of the Vanguard. Luckily, you're assumed to be one for setting foot in there and it doesn't have any lasting repercussions, but it's still noteworthy.
Then we got Ouroboros and becoming a member of that. Then we got the Midnight Club and becoming a member of that. Then we got Soldiers of Arachnos. Then we got Going Rogue where you either belong to the Resistance or the Loyalists. And now we're getting "end game" where we'll side with whatever god or organisation it is that controls the Incarnate stuff. I hope not, but Mender Ramael was the one talking about these things, and he was in the Ouro citadel.
And all of that bugs me. As such, I would really support an unaffiliated way to get into Cimerora. If I were so inclined, I could join the clubhouse mansion and go to Cimerora via their pillar of ice and flame. If I weren't, then there's that abandoned lab with that sturdy and still working time machine someone built at some point that seems to be set for Cimerora and use that. No strings attacked and, more importantly, no five-mission story arc every single damn time. -
Quote:I should also point out that Maxwell Christopher saying much the same about Nemesis surviving his "death" at the end of The Eternal Nemesis or Doc Delilah saying much the same about the History of Faultline at the start of her own arc don't change the fact they they are both absolutely right. The entire game is based on the premise that we make "revelations" without actually going through the process of finding conclusive evidence, and many times we do so even when we're told there's no way to be sure.Originally Posted by Shadow State
I should think Positron saying "Now as a scientist, I want to point out to you that there is no hard data on any of the theories I mentioned to you,"should make it clear he isn't speaking with the authority and phrasing of absolute truth.
I'm not saying that Positron or any of the other contacts speak as though they are experts, but more that the way the narrative is structured takes a wide swing to the left with these contacts, pretty much shattering a whole bunch of tropes that the narrative of the rest of the game more or less created. More specifically, consider the entire point of the Origin of Powers are to begin with - it's a tutorial mission little different from the University tutorial. It's not just another story arc because it consists of five (well, four - Positron seems to have been dropped out due to some bug) "talk to" missions that don't reward any experience and serve no purpose other than to introduce us to the concept of origins as a plot device. It makes sense we would assume that the origins tutorial would have truth in it, because otherwise it would be completely pointless, wouldn't it?
Well, it is, and it is, but that's kind of what gets my nether goat about the whole thing. -
Haven't really seen the movie, but I did see this review of it. The only reason I'm reposting that is because I got a chuckle out of the "It looks like Paragon City for cryin' out loud!" line
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Quote:The point I'm attempting to make has nothing in the slightest to do with that, as the "but that's neither here nor there" part should have signified. It's not important to the rest of the post, considering the rest of the post has notions which are self-contained and explained in their own descriptions.Originally Posted by Luminara
KB offers more damage mitigation than KD. Ergo, the point you're attempting to make is that there's almost no situation in which more damage mitigation is preferable to less damage mitigation.
I'm not asking for either the option to remove knockback or for the MANDATE to remove knockback from most melee attacks and ALL AoEs in melee powersets based on the mitigation properties of the effect. I'm asking for it because it's DISRUPTIVE to how a melee character operates. Single-target knockback is rarely much of a problem even for purely short-ranged sets like Martial Arts, and it's easier to, if not predict, then at least account for.
The scatter in AoE knockback, on the other hand, is just disruptive in the extreme. Hand Clap - something which could have made for an excellent power - is gimped specifically because of its scatter. Yes, people will tell you to use it as a cone, thereby using about a quarter of its total land area, yet paying for ALL of its reach even though actually using it as designed, which is to say when surrounded by enemies, HURTS you far more than it helps. A well-placed Foot Stomp can turn the tide of a battle, but when enemies are scattered to the four corners of a room, a Foot Stomp cannot be well placed. Similarly, trying to use Shockwave in an open field, such as pretty much every location in Croatoa, just makes Whirling Claw pointless from that point forward, to say nothing of making Eviscerate less useful by virtue of not being able to hit multiple spread-out targets with it.
Whether or not knockback has mitigation qualities is irrelevant in this aspect, because the presence of high-mag knockback on large-area powers is disruptive to the point of making those powers actually detrimental to use. When I use a power and I consistently hope a particular effect does NOT fire, then there is a problem. It's not too dissimilar from putting a chance for enemy heal on an attack.
That, of course, is not to say high-mag knockback in itself is not a useful tool, but much like Taunt, it's not useful for everybody and can actually get some people killed. There's a reason knockback haters exist, and it's not because they're all idiots.
How useful knockback in general is is not relevant here.
*edit*
I should try adding "Cake is better than Pie and PvP sucks, but that's besides the point." to the start of my posts and see how many people insist that discussions about pie and PvP have everything to do with a discussion on costume design. -
#Audio log entry: 2 / Date: Redacted
OK, lets... Wait, is this thing on? *tap tap tap* Hello? Nuts... Larry! My audio recorder wont turn on! Did you do something to it? *inaudible voice* No, it wont! The LCD wont light up? *inaudible voice* Oh, really? Well, gee, that mighta been something nice to tell me! *inaudible voice* Look, I dont care! Just dont mess with my stuff, or at least tell me when you do! *inaudible voice* Whatever! Jerk. I dont care if the LCD isnt needed. I liked having it there. It had a really cute theme to the menus. How much power does an LCD draw, anyway? Stupid Larry, always messing with my gear. Always has to be right, that guy. Always has to be his way. Ugh... And now I have to figure out how to turn the LCD back on, cause I dont want to be staring at a toggle switch like an idiot just to tell if Im recording or not.
Stupid... You know, its a good thing I asked. Cause if Id spent, like, an hour recording this crap and it turned out I didnt get any of it, Larry would be is so much trouble. Lets see how he likes going to that conference when his suit jacket is missing its back! Ha! Aw, who am I kidding? I couldnt claw his clothes to shreds... Much as Id like to. Larrys sweet, hes just... Difficult, you know? I mean, who cares if it isnt needed. Im the one whos gonna use the thing. Shouldnt it be my call? You know, instead of me having to re-modify my gear behind his back. And then hell be like Thats not how I designed it. Duh! Your design was stupid. I told you it was stupid when you showed it to me. So I fixed it. Surprise?
Anyway, I can rant like this all day, but I have to get this audio log going eventually... Not like I want to. Damn! Thats some nasty crap I have to recall. Are we sure this is helping? Cause Ive been having nightmares since last time. Nasty stuff from back then, you know? It pisses me off and it makes me feel like I just want to ventilate all those magic dudes for what they did to me. But then I keep seeing good guy mages like... Oh, right! That panda girl I talked about last time? I totally met her again today! Got her name, too, this time: Pandala. Phht! Obvious, right? Shes so awesome, like some kind of Buddhist monk... Thing. Shes always going on about wisdom and virtue and all that kind of stuff, but that girl can carve some flesh wit those claws of hers. Where does she retract them to? Theyre, like, longer than her forearm! Wait, never mind. Magic... I guess. Is it really, though?
Anyway, she helped me out of a scrap today. I was totally getting pummelled by those skirt wizard guys and their new toys... They had this spell which did something to my mystic shield generator that kept causing the software to reboot and kept taking down my shield. Nasty stuff! So I figure Im so toast when I hear this voice going on about lust for power and murder and stuff, and then Pandala just carves into the guys. Took down a whole coven, all by herself, while my systems booted up. Took quite a bit of damage, too those fireballs hurt, you know. But it looks like she regenerates like you wouldnt believe. Awesome! We chatted for a bit, she gave me a few pointers and her number SCORE! Totally gonna call her up tomorrow. Theres this cave of demons I wanna take her to. Shell like that, I bet.
So, yeah... Pandala helped me out big time. Almost had to get Larry off his lazy *** to come out and help me, and we all know how that usually goes. But she was cool. I dont want to kill her. Theres gotta be some other way, but I dont wanna go back on my word... But then, I may have to. I dunno, I just... Maybe theyre not all bad? But then... Forget it. Story time.
So anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, the nasty part. Yeah, like theres any part of this story that isnt nasty. Larry, I sure as hell hope youre right about this, cause I dont like remembering that stuff. But, yeah, the pit. Eric dumps me into that pit with the other animals, and my heads going 100mph. Where am I? What happened? Who are all of these cats and dogs? How do I get out? There are these dogs trying to climb out and Bill and Eric are just hitting them over the head with sticks. The bastards were laughing like idiots, even taking dibs on who makes it the highest. I wish I could have gotten a hold of their faces.
There was this pup who totally flipped out when they dumped him in, and he started climbing up over and over again. They kept striking him back down, but the thing was freakin out and just kept trying, until that monster Bill clubbed his head against the stone pretty much as hard as he could. Thing dropped limp on the ground and all the pets went quiet all of a sudden. We were all looking at each other in shock. There was this pitbull he didnt scare easy he flipped his lid and just started barking and yanked Bills stick out of his hands. Almost pulled that scum in the pit with us. Shouldve pulled him in. We were scared, but wed have taken his skin off his bones before they pulled him up. He more than deserved what he got in the end.
Crap! I dont want to do this. Its not fun anymore. You know how hard I tried to forget that stuff? God damn it! All of these guys are dead. I made double sure. But it still pisses me off to think about it. God frinnin damn it! See, this is why I swore to kill the punks to the last man. This is what I saw, and not just then, but for years afterwards. Its guys like Bill and Eric and that monster Cleveland that made me hate mages, because they just used us pets like meat. They just... *growl* Ack! *inaudible voice* No, thats OK, Larry! Im OK! Dont worry about it! Keep it together, girl. You went through this once, you can do it again. Youre better than this. Youre stronger than this. This wont happen ever again. No, it wont. Cause I wont let it.
In fact, now that Ive retuned my shield modulators, I should be stronger than ever. Those magic dudes wont stand a chance. No more rebooting my system. That was a software bug, and Larrys just about fixed it. No, I wont fall in their hands ever again. And Ill make sure others dont, neither.
*sigh* Back to the story. When they gathered a bunch of animals in the pit, they pulled us up one by one and put us in these green glass boxes on, like, a rack thing. Kind of like in a post office, actually. Every day, theyd pull one of us out of the cage and take us to this... Circle thing drawn on the ground. I think it was supposed to be part of a magical ritual, but since these guys were all idiots, it never worked so who cares? Point is, they took the animals there, did some magic stuff on em and they chained em up in the middle of the circle. At first itd look like nothing happened and the thing was lucky, but then the... Transformation started. And it was nasty. First theyd swell up, like some nasty disease, but then theyd grow big and turn into kind of human-looking things. They called em werepeople, which is about on the same level of stupid as that Captain Indivisible guy. Who comes up with these names?
Sorry, sorry... I shouldnt be making fun of these things, but... Its really the only way I can cope with that crap. I mean, we became friends over time, and I had to watch my friends turn into these things and then die. How do you handle something like this? I... Just try not to think about it. Its just... Not fun. Not at all. And I do mean die. I... Guess the idea was to turn us into these human-animal magical beasts, and it... Kind of worked, but then it kind of didnt. Cause, see, they did turn animals into werepeople... Stupid name... But then they died. And they didnt die clean. Like they didnt just keel over, no. For some, their flesh started melting off their bones. And I mean literally melting. Looked like a fizzy drink. They screamed like hell. Man, I do NOT want to remember the screams. That was some messed-up crap Cleveland was concocting there.
But that wasnt the worst of it, oh, no! See, some of em wouldnt melt, just get, like, big nasty wounds. And if they lived long enough, they eventually went completely insane, and I mean totally out there crazy. You think youve seen crazy, like those people who talk to themselves or who think god told them to knife random women? You aint seen crap. These guys, its like their brains melted inside their heads. Theyd start twisting and turning at real awkward angles. Usually either snap their own spines or smash their own heads on the floor. And they shrieked like you wouldnt believe. You know how I said the melting ones screamed? That was horrible, but the mad ones... Man, those guys could stop your heart. Its like... That kind of sound should not be coming from a living thing. We all curled up in a corner when the screaming started, but even the pitbull guy... Man, he took all these magic jerks had to dish out and fought through it, but those screams scared even him.
I dont know what the idiots were trying to do. They kept talking about an army of were people, but... What army? They had, like, a hundred animals, and most of those were dying in the process. What are you gonna take over with an army of corpses? They wanted to take over the world, I think, but the world has, like, armies. Real big ones, not just a bunch of animals in a cave. And they have guns and bombs and tanks and stuff. I mean, yeah, the werepeople would have been tougher than, like, normal people, but I went through that crap and Im not THAT much tougher. Sure, I can take a few bullets OK, but I cant take, like, a frikkin grenade to the face. I mean, who could? Well, OK, bad example, but the things they were making sure couldnt. Hell, they couldnt even survive!
I... Dont know if I was lucky or unlucky that I was one of the last animals to be experimented with. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldnt have been better if Id just gone first and gotten it over with. Maybe Id have died and... That might have been OK, really. Or I wouldnt have, and Id have managed to help some of the others. But no. I got tagged when it was down to just me, the pitbull and a couple of other cats I didnt know way over on the other side of the rack. And, believe it or not, thats when the real nasty stuff happened. They chained me up in the circle and... And...
The hell am I doing? Screw this! I dont wanna remember any of it! Why am I even going back to that crap? I dont wanna talk about it! In fact... I wont. Thats enough for today. Crap... Thats more than enough for today. God damn... Not fun. Not fun at all. And worst of all, I dont think its helping. At all. Well, maybe if I wanted to hate all mages, I guess, but I dont! Im looking for an excuse why I shouldnt hate em all. Cause some of em I actually like. Like that Pandala girl. Shes a good person. Cute, too, man... I dont want to hurt her. I... You know what, forget it. Enough for today. My heads overloading. Gotta do something to calm down now. Something cool. Something fun. Hmm... Well, Im done with calibrations for a while and Im waiting on Larry to finish on his end, so maybe...
Yeah, why not? I can go mess with him as he works. *giggle* I know hell whine about me pawing at his carefully calibrated stuff, but he needs to loosen up a bit. Guys been cooped up in that lab for, what... Two weeks now? He aint been out of the house at all, and hes starting to get cranky. And weird. Larry always gets weird when he works too much. Hes usually a funny guy, even when Im laughing AT him, but when he works too much he gets just so damn surly. He always said I brought a smile to his life, so its time to go bring him a smile. Even if I have to drag his stubborn *** out of that basement by force to do it. Hey, it pays to have superhuman strength sometimes.
We havent been out in a long time, actually. I wonder if that park is still open. I remember when we used to go there just, you know, to be outside in the open air. Then Id sneak up on him, roll him up in his sleeping bag and roll him around the flats. Ah, fun times! OK, that one was kind of unfair, but hey! Hes the one who started with the practical jokes when he ran quite a bit of DC through my scratching post. My fur was singed for a week! Really, though, if I dont take him out of the house, hes just gonna set roots on that swivel chair, and it makes me sad to watch him like this.
Yeah, forget this audio log nonsense. Me and Larry are gonna have some fun today, whether he likes it or not. Hey, Larry, you got a minute? I got somethin to discuss! *inaudible voice* Aw, too bad! Guess I wont go downstairs, then! *giggle* Oh, this is gonna be good!
#end recording -
#Audio log entry: 1 / Date: Redacted
…you work this thing? Hello? Is this… Oh, wait, it’s on! Stupid Larry and his unintuitive designs. Um, yeah… OK, what was I saying? Oh, right! I’m making this audio log ‘cause Larry says it’ll help me deal with the “bad experiences” I’ve had in the past. Phht! Larry’s silly like that. He thinks about things way too hard and misses the forest for the trees, you know? Oh, wait, audio log! Right!
Hi, I’m Po and I’m a… Oh, where did he write it down? Ah! I am a… “Mystic Assassin?” Larry! What kind of crap are you having me read to the audio log here? *inaudible voice* Can’t I just tell the story? *inaudible voice* You know what? Fine! Whatever! Not like I’m gonna’ read off his stupid… What is this? “Audio log itinerary?” Oh, Larry, Larry… OK, chuck that and let’s start over.
Hi, I’m Po and I kill mages for a living. Look, I know it sounds gruesome and, to be honest, that’s kind of why I sat down to record this thing. Back in the day, everything was real simple. Mages are bad, mages suck, mages need to die. Simple, right? But then I met that cute panda girl, what was her name? Still pissed off I forgot to get her digits. Damn it! Anyway, then I met her, and she’s… We’ll, she’s not exactly a mage, but she does use magic and stuff. And then I met that Jack guy… What was his name? Rembrandt… No, Revenant Jack, yeah! Creepy guy, lemme’ tell ya! Brr! Would not want to have to fight the dude, seriously. And at first I thought I was gonna’ kill him, for sure, but he turns out to be this really cool cat, you know what I mean? Went so far out of his way to save this little girl’s kitty from those skull mask idiots… Don’t know what they wanted with it, but the guy just shadow-ports in there and puts those punks on their butts in no time flat, and he’s all “Be safe, child!”
I dunno… I made a promise to kill all those magical jerks that hurt me way back when, but that’s ‘cause I thought they were all evil. And, heh, most of the ones I killed were. And I mean seriously wacked out. Child-murdering, soul-stealing monsters, the lot of ‘em. They got what they deserved. But these magical guys I’ve been meeting since I moved here... They’re cool. Kinda’ creepy. Kinda’ hot, too, sometimes, rawr! But some of ‘em really are cool. Nice people, you know? I can’t kill them. I don’t want to kill them! Do I have to? I dunno… That’s kind of why I’m doing this. I’d ask Larry, but feh! The guy’s useless when it comes to that sort of thing. He’s all like “You must only kill those who you believe deserve it.” Yeah, thanks for nothin’, guy. Couldn’t have figured that one on my own! He’s cool, though, Larry. I bash on him a lot, but that’s just ‘cause he’s kind of awkward. But he’s real sweet, and a super genius to boot. He made me this really cool sword thing, see? It kind of glows and it goes right though mystic shields like claws through yarn. They’re all “I am invincible!” and I’d be like “Oh, really!” Wham! *sound of furniture breaking* Ack! Crap… Let’s hope Larry won’t need that fuse box for a while. *inaudible voice* Err… No, I have no idea why the power in the basement is out, Larry! Oops…
Yeah, anyway, I had a point in there somewhere… Oh, right! See, there are all these cool magic people here in the city, and I’m starting to think I made a mistake pledging to kill ‘em all. But... OK, Larry says I should “tell my story” and see if that helps clear my head a bit. Man, I hate telling stories. Stories are boring, and it’s such a nice day outside. Maybe I can... No. No, I made a promise. OK, here goes, then:
Let’s just get that out of the way: I’m a cat. Now, I know you’re wondering... Whoever you are that’s gonna’ listen to these things... You’re probably wondering how that’s possible. Cats don’t speak, right? Well, they kinda’ do, but people are too dumb to understand, but that’s not important right now. Point is, I used to be just an ordinary house cat. Larry got me out of a shelter oh... Five years ago? Thereabout, anyway. I don’t remember how I got there. Probably was a stray, not like it matters. Anyway, back then I really was just like any other cat. I had a nice little crib, a really cool scratching post and this awesome pink toy that made a squeaking noise when you slap it around. Man, that was SO much fun to chase around! *purr* Heh. I didn’t speak back then, and... You know, people always ask me the same thing. They’re all like “Hey, Po, what’s it like being a cat?” And I’m like “Hey, creepy guy, what’s it like being fat?” Stupid question, ‘cause I can’t answer it.
The one that keeps popping up, though, is did I know Larry was an inventor. Oh, yeah, Larry? Yeah, he’s my master. Used to be my owner, but he says he “can’t own a sentient being.” Nerd. Anyway... No. No I didn’t. Really, I just didn’t care. Larry was always the guy who gave me food and hugs and I really didn’t give two rats about what he did when he was in that basement of his. I mean, I saw all the wires around the house and all the cool tech, but I didn’t really know what any of that stuff was. I couldn’t tell a gas chromatography mass spectrometer from a lazyboy couch beyond which was comfy to nap on. You’d be surprised how nice an electron microscope is to sleep on, but I’m getting off-track here. Point is, I couldn’t have cared less about what Larry did as long as he came up to the loft at the end of the day so I could sleep on his lap. Don’t ask, it’s a cat thing. You wouldn’t understand.
Frankly, I wouldn’t have minded if this went on forever, ‘cause they were sweet, sweet times. Only they didn’t go on forever, because of that ******* Cleveland and his crew of dead meat. I don’t know if that was his real name – I always got the impression he was being possessed... OK, I didn’t always get that impression, I did research on the guy post-mortem after my... Transformation, but point is that’s what his guys called ‘im and that’s what I remember him as. Damn I hate that guy! He’s the reason all this happened to me. And he was an idiot, too, with that stupid plan of his. Well, either Cleveland or QuasilVasilSomethingOrOther. Stupid unpronounceable demon names! OK, OK... I’m getting ahead of myself.
Eric, one of Cleveland’s men, kidnapped me from the loft one day while Larry was in the basement. Ugh... Bad memories there... I heard a window break, I got curious to see and I got bagged as I came through the door. Literally bagged. Eric had an honest-to-god burlap sack. Who even makes these anymore? Bad choice of fabric, too, ‘cause I managed to claw his back through the bag. Real good, too. Guy was bleeding like a stuck pig. Serves ‘im right. So he took me from the house and... Crap! Bad memories. I don’t wanna’ remember. Why can’t I talk about something fun? Like that cool upgrade I got to my chest plate. It gives me 150% the dampening and it almost doubles shield capacity, even over the hard limit of... *sigh* I don’t want to do this...
You know what? Screw that! I’ll just say it. That guy dragged me from my house clawing and screaming and tossed me in a god damn bag. My heart was beating out of my throat, I got soaking wet with the stupid rain, I didn’t know where I was, I was panicking and... *heavy breathing* No... No! NO! Keep it together, Po! Keep it together! That dead beat doesn’t deserve your fear. He doesn’t deserve your respect. He deserves to die. Oh, wait, he already did. How’d you like that, Eric? Huh? Frikkin’... I hate this! *inaudible voice* I know, Larry! If you want me to do this damn audio log, then stay out of my business! *sound of door slamming* Insensitive idiot!
I... I got dumped in a big pit with a whole bunch of other pets... At least I think they were pets. We didn’t really try to communicate much. Not until we got separated, anyway. There were all kinds of pets, too. Cats, all kinds of dogs, a bunch of things I think were dogs, but with them you can’t really tell, and even a pet monkey or two. They... Were pretty much as scared as I was, but they were holding it together, for the most part. A few of them tried to claw their way up the pit wall, but it was made of smooth stone. Nowhere to get a claw in. Plus there were people up top shoving the climbers, as they called them, back down with sticks. They were swinging hard, too, the jerks. There was that pup that...
You know, I don’t wanna’ talk about this anymore. Not today, anwway. This is... God damn it! No, forget it. I’m not gonna’ think about it right now. Larry wants me to do an audio log, so I’ll do an audio log, but not all at once. Not like this. I’ll do more tomorrow. Or, you know, maybe in a week. We’ll see how I feel about it. Probably gonna’ wanna’ get some more work done to take my mind off this crap. I still need to retune my shield modulators. Larry’s great at making the things, bless his heart, but he is completely clueless on how to programme them. Keeps giving me these ridiculous “default” settings, and he never listens when I tell him he’s an idiot. Always has to be right, that guy. But, hey, I wouldn’t have my gear without him, so I can’t complain.
Yeah, I think I’ll go do that. *sound of door opening* *sound of door closing* *sound of door opening* Rats! How do you turn this thing off? Hey, Larry! How do you turn this audio recorder... Thing off? *inaudible voice* Oh, right! Thanks.
#end recording