airhead

A Warrior's Journey - The Flower Knight Task Force. #260284, @PW

This was a remarkably polished and interesting story (especially considering it had no plays!) until an anachronistic ambush made it impossible for me. Unrated.

Heroic, high level, 4 unique maps and a small one. That's a lot of unique maps, but the maps work mostly (the third is rather large). It says challenging. That's an ill omen, I usually wouldn't bother. AVs, EBs, custom powers. I'll just go as far as I can. I don't get to see the Chimera Ninjas very often.

I send in Aehaed, level 50 purpled mind/forcefield controller on level 1 difficulty.

My contact is Flower Knight. Ask about this contact doesn't show any description has been set in the Story Settings. Flower Knight normally hangs out with the Menders in Ouroboros. But this time she's interested in another dimension, which usually means Portal Corporation. It makes me wonder how she came to know that Pi Omega 4-4 resembles her dream. In the send-off, Flower Knight says "we don't know much about that dimension", not sure who 'we' is.

Good objectives to start with that lead from the pop-up, do some good and figure out where I am. Enemy descriptions suggest I'm in a place called Perogan, ruled by Lord Kumo of the Spider Clan. I definitely smell the alternate reality here. Very cool cross-referencing throughout.
The Arquebusier has a nice unique description. Spider Bushi and Spider Archer descriptions are identical.
Nice gravestone! I think it spawned an ambush, but there was no warning or battlecry. Quite funny, one of the ambush can't seem to get over an embankment, so is just jumping up and down.
The patrols say the same thing. If you have some space, you could add some variety.
Fujineko's description says Setaetsemun, gravestone says Setaetsemon.
Jinkenzo's description says he's met "mysterious superheroes from another dimension". Is that just me, if so, why plural?
Fun to beat samurai on a slope and watch them body surf down.

Lord Aion in the second mission is very cool. Gives the game away nicely. So far, going along swimmingly. Hopefully some surprise twists in Mission 3.
I imagine I'll discover it's the Oracle that has been giving Flower Knight her dreams (doesn't pan out).
Mission 2 is inside-out, good map choice for that.

The third mission features the unfortunate war walls. I guess there's no cure for that. Lord Chimera was a great battle, very close. Then the long, slow glowie hunt for the last glowie. The rock-like object happened to spawn among rocks, oh well.

One more mission, an all-in brawl, let's go get the generals. At least the map's much simpler, and it's daytime. Thanks for that.
Black Scorpion is much easier to mez than Chimera, but he takes a lot of pummeling to go down.
The battles seem lopsided in favour of the hawk clan. I don't see the spider clan winning any.
Gaki-Onna was pretty scary. Took out me and my 3 samurai minions and very nearly Flower Knight too before I rezzed and won.
I pulled Mako into a cluster of hawk samurai which turned out to be a great idea. He mezzes well too. The battle I'd feared wasn't too hard at all.
Another tight battle with the Oracle of Wind.
The general battles are surprisingly interesting. I barely win using accolades on my purpled-out controller. I imagine different ATs will find different generals to be difficult.

The arachnos ambush on Lord Kumo seems completely unecessary. He's wearing a suit sent to him via Chimaera, he's not an Arachnos. How did the Arachnos cross dimensions? This makes no sense and cost me my ally. I make a couple more tries, and I give up. I was just scraping by before the ambushes.

This was a really well written adventure that lost itself in an unbeatable finish for me, so I can't vote.

Added my old review thread.

<ul type="square">[*]airhead (editorial of arcs with fewer plays)[*]Altoholic_Monkey -- Indies (1 mission) | Sequels (2-3 missions) | Epics (4-5 missions)[*]Beach_Lifeguard[*]Bubbawheat | (In Character) [*]DeviousMe (QPQ) (no longer accepting submissions)[*]Dragonslay[*]Frozen_Northman (QPQ)[*]Glazius (read first post for conditions)[*]HolyEvilAoD (no longer accepting submissions)[*]Jophiel[*]Lazarus -- New (Semi-QPQ), Old[*]LaserJesus -- Old, New[*]Misho[*]Parkin (read first post for conditions)[*]Peacemoon (QPQ)[*]PoliceWoman (QPQ) | Reviews of arcs written by other Reviewers[*]ridiculous_girl (QPQ)[*]SteelSky[*]Stomphoof (QPQ)[*]Talen_Lee[*]TerminusEst13 (Focuses on BAD arcs)[*]theHedoren (QPQ)[*]Venture[*]Wrong Number (Humor Arcs, QPQ)[/list]
EU reviewers
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Note: QPQ = quid pro quo: Play and rate/give feedback to the reviewer first in order to get a review on your arc, some are more lenient on this than others. Also, tends to have a shorter queue.

Also, some non-QPQ have more than one reviewer with some not accepting new submissions, check the most recent page for up-to-date information.

Semi-QPQ means that the reviewer only requires it for longer, in depth reviews and not for short, quick reviews.

[/ QUOTE ]

In Poor Taste, #259920, @Wrong Number

Having written a humor arc that I'd like to have Wrong Number review, I'll review this arc in return. The mission introduction refers to another arc, Trademark Infringement, as a prequel. I struggled a bit with that arc, it was early days (on Test) and I have limited knowledge of DC comics. So I'll just start this one fresh.

There are 3 unique maps for a level 30-40 hero. That's a lot of unique maps, but the concern didn't hold, good choice of maps. My motive here is to round up villains with poorly-chosen names for Ms. Manners. This seems a bit... skimpy... to begin with, but okay. Later I'll find dialog to be a greater crime.

Weal the level 38 empathy/electric defender takes on the task at heroic level 1.

So I'm off to Get a Grip. The forecast is... hrm. I imagine this is the Manhandle from the Arc Description. Oh man, the pop-up, the nav choice of verb... I think the arc should be imprisoned, not the villain. Zapping a few baddies to warm up using this toon, I encounter the villain's dialog. Ugh. With the emphasis on "log". And I realllllly hope his description is not the game's default.
He does go down quickly though. I guess that might have been expected, female architect. Unfortunately, I did then read his dialog. So horrid, the architect must be male...
(I don't suppose you could convince the map to put him at the back? On my second run on this he was at the front door).

Mission 2, and I'm beset by puns. An interesting map, at least for me. I think I've only seen it once before in AE missions. The humor has shifted 180 degrees, and not in a pleasant way. I'm left wondering what liberties the architect has taken, and how twisted CoH already was.

Then into Mission 3. And rather than chance the third guy being a little less funny, we're going to have a climax. Multiple ones. Hoo boy. One beat joke is funny. Two beat jokes is getting old. Three or more is funny again, for the sheer desperation of these villains. It's like they think they can offend me to death! It's fun to hit them with endurance sapping electricity.

I liked this arc a lot. It ran the line between double and single entendre pretty close, but in the end, it was a barrage. With baddies this ludicrous, how could anyone complain. Seriously. 5-stars!

M2 Boss: chesse -&gt; cheese
M2 Two patrols tell the same joke (smart feller) - might want to come up with an extra joke there.
M2 Exit pop-up: breath -&gt; breathe
M3 Weasel: shrinkage needs a period on the end
M3 Bone shaker: In -&gt; in

Poi, Demonology, and Everything I Learned From Hellions, #164235, @londerwost

Heroic, fair bit of combat, but just two (medium-large) maps. Definitely 5-star potential here, nothing broken yet, but needs to leave fewer unanswered questions now and if questions remain, then offer a sequel. I labelled some of those questions below, there's others in this description as well. I expect those answers will add considerably to the complexity and detail in this arc, it's rather sparse at the moment.

The Vegemite Kid (level 11 kinetic/dark defender) springs into action on Heroic difficulty.

Ms. Liberty doesn't show information when you Ask about this contact. You might paste something in there from her standard bio, or add something new, if you have space.

So I'm off to find out more about the Hellions. But it's not stated where 'there' is, perhaps it could be Search the Steel Canyon Streets, or Liberty could explain, or in the pop-up.
Unanswered Question: A patrol highlighted the Poi aren't food (or in China, fish) but rather are fire jugglers. After this, "poi" seems to be a dropped element from this point on. Perhaps something more in the rave brochure could tie in to this.
Unanswered Question: Hellions everywhere on the city streets. Where are the regular people?
After battling my way through several Hellions, I encounter The Mole being beaten.
Mole's Clue: hight -&gt; height
Unanswered Question: The clue doesn't suggest why anyone would subscribe to this crazy invitation, or indeed, who can actually read it. Presumably just Hellions, who are fireproof (or fire resistant?), so why trash the warehouse ?
I find half of the papers about devil worshiping. Now I need to find Pyro Dios. What did I do that makes Pyro appear now? I have to search the whole map again, be good if there's a valid reason why he shows up late. It took me a while to get around, my graphics crashed and I had to start this over.
Pyro Dios says "Nothing like the first kill of the day" when Vegemite Kid goes down. It didn't happen twice, but it might, then it won't make sense.
Unanswered question: Also, Pyro lets me know I'm too late, that the rave's already started. Why is he not there? Why aren't all the Hellions here, there?
I do wonder what the "time bug" is, that is mentioned here. I understand there'll be no clock on this, although you'd have liked it that way.
The second clue confirms what I knew, but I still don't know how non-Hellions can read the invitation.
Mission 2 intro: Statesmen -&gt; Statesman
Now, my mission is exactly aligned with the Phalanx's needs from a low level dude. Although I am surprised they don't have mobile phones. Perhaps Statesman is waterskiing, so won't have his phone handy.
Ooh, Liberty says don't follow her, so I think... yup, I disobeyed. A bit of an assumption about my toon, but nonetheless, it's still what I'd have done, assumption or no.
Mission 2 pop-up: hyphenate: battle-trained battle-hardened
It does make we wonder what happened to Liberty.
Neat, 3 of the 4 bombs were in one room.
Found Liberty, beaten. Her description ends "She lieks mudkipz". You might put another description that is more relevant to her predicament. Unless Liberty was poisoned with a mudkipz. I do wonder tho how she was poisoned - I doubt she'd be drinking a spiked drink with these guys, even tho it is a rave.
Liberty fleeing to the entrance is a little out of character. If she can run like that, she can fight. Perhaps have her stand still after rescue, then animate sitting or kneeling on the floor.
unanswered question: Now the Hellion leader has turned up! Why now? After disarming all the bombs? But the clue suggests I've added that goal simply to ensure the instigator is punished. So why didn't I see him earlier?
I see no non-Hellions here, other than Liberty. So what exactly is accomplished by blowing up the place? (This is answered at the end, but only raises more questions - is there a sequel?).
And a good little duel with Fyre Pyre, who I accidentally jumped down upon. It helped that I leveled shortly before.
Now, Fyre does ask why nobody (other than Hellions) showed at his party. Perhaps the language had something to do with it.
The pop-up on return is cute. But you might say "No innocent ravers were harmed...", since I certainly beat on some guilty ones.
Arrgh! The final message doesn't explain why nobody went to the rave. So nobody was at risk (aside from Liberty). I feel a little let down.

Cheers, airhead

You might try 190069 from my sig, I'm especially curious whether the humor and story work played as a team. It's "Medium" length, 3 missions. Thanks!

I enjoy this thread. It demonstrates what can be done to create a unique and consistent play experience for your toon, and also highlights the challenges faced when trying to do this.

It's also a source of excellent reviews. Exploring content not marketed by the forum regulars is also interesting to me. As the reviews accumulate, I get a sense of how effective blind searches can be. What kinds of words have you searched for? How do you pick from the results of the search?

A Minor Vexation, Arc 1591, @Faldette

It has 5 missions, 4 main villain groups. This will need to be a complex story to explain so many groups getting involved on separate maps. 4 Medium maps and a Large. That is a lot of acreage. Someone needs some help recovering some magical items. "needs help" - okay, I have a motive. There's only two keywords, custom characters and non-canon, which tells me nothing at all about the type of story. Story Status is Final already, changes are not expected. The arc has 26 votes already, and is 4-star on average. So why am to I select this arc? Well, on the assumption that most of this information is wrong. There has to be another useful keyword, the author must be willing to make changes, the maps are made of wool and have been laundered on high heat, all the votes are luckily from the author's Supergroup, so I can help with correcting stuff. Okay, I accept I am probably being daft.

The contact begins by indicating she didn't seek my help, but instead that I wanted to help her. Uh, no. This contradicts the Arc Description's only clue, that someone needed help. I now have nothing to play for.

So I'll go get a page for the contact. Nothing included about the book, why should I care about the book, why should the contact care about the book, why should I care about the contact... that's okay! Because I can check out the contact's description. Where she is a fairly secretive heroine, and not much is known about the origin of her powers. Not much? So tell me the little bits!

I accept the mission because the accept button is shiny, but then the send-off tells me not to read the book, and that it's probably illegible.

I have no motivation to continue, I'm sorry. But I post this in the hopes that you'll turn arc 1 into the biggest and best of all your arcs. And make mission 1 in arc 1 the most involving, scene-setting mission possible. That's how trilogies (and omnilogies like this) get started - you need to win an initial fan-base, first a mission, then a first arc, and they'll then accept slightly less (they'll whine, but they'll still pay for sequels). So make me want to be here. At least if you want total strangers like me to subscribe. It won't take much, I'm only concerned about the Story Settings and the Mission 1 first page.

Cheers, airhead

This sounds fun. Edited to suggested format given below.

[Starsign]: This week you will pretend to save the world. Make-believe may reveal hidden truths, but beware of too many cooks in the kitchen. You will find acting can be quite heroic in 'Captain Dynamic, the Great, Faces The Great Face' - Tryouts #190069 by @Aehaed.

A solo-friendly, save-the-world light-hearted comedy, 20+ minutes to play through. Most recent review by Mirror_Man. Another is on CoH Mission Review. You're welcome to review it in your Short Arcs thread if you have time.

With around over 40,120 arcs live in the system (2,457 pages unfiltered search), it can feel like your arc is pretty insignificant. However, with the advent of keywords, this morass reduces to around 3,250* arcs. That's still over 160 pages. But there is still hope!

Hope comes with the new keywords. Although the developers have done their level best to hide these in the MA search mechanism, they do provide the best way yet to find an arc that might fit your mood. And on the flip-side, for authors to be found! And perhaps for an arc to reach that tipping point, where visibility gets you the 999+ plays previously limited to developer choice arcs and a half-dozen others. You too can get 999+ plays! Well, 999 divided by the degree of 'uniqueness' you apply to your category search...

Firstly, you could look at any one of your keywords to see how your arc stacks up against the others. There are 19 different keywords. Some categories are hotly contested - Custom Characters are the highlight of around 1,600 arcs! While "Rule the World" might seem like a logical place to go if you want to stand out (around 97 arcs), the rarest form of maliterature is actually... Romance. Just 70-odd arcs from the City's matchmaker-authors. If you get to page 1 in a category, there is a good chance you will get noticed. Of course, you'll get 999/19 = 50 plays in a few weeks, for an average category, if everyone started with a keyword.

You could look at pairs of keywords. As specialization goes up, you want to be chasing a significant niche audience. There are a few guaranteed page 1'er combos - such as the 14 "easy and challenging" arcs, 16 "save and rule the world" arcs, and even 2 "canon and non-canon" arcs. Thankfully, I found no "kid friendly, horror" arcs. That restores my faith in humankind.

For the ultimate tailored arc experience, you could search for three keywords. For most combinations, it is possible to get onto page 1 of any triple with some energetic marketing. This provides you the easiest way to feel famous, and chart your progress up the, uh, charts. It might even get you unsolicited plays in a few weeks - say, 999 plays of a front-page arc divided by 5,814 triple categories... uh... well, don't put too much money on the trifecta.

Don't forget to give keyword searches a chance!

Cheers, airhead

* assumes all such arcs use 3 keywords

How to Survive a Robot Uprising, 12669, @Wall of Knight

This is just a quick re-review of the beginning of an arc from page 1 of this thread. It used to start a bit rough, but now I see it's popular, with 29 voters, averaging 4 stars. So seems to be on track, I'll do this quickly.

The contact makes more sense now, helped considerably by the "Ask about the contact" information - which begs to be read, considering the contact is a box of spare parts.

The mission first paragraph is bold and yellow. I suggest italic and yellow might be easier to read, yet still stand out as a prologue.
The contact says "things in here" - which immediately brings to mind "things in the box", since that's been the topic. Suggest change to "things in this warehouse"
I just realized the "glowing and transparency" reference on the first page is possibly lampshading the poor reflection-event robots later on. Makes sense in retrospect, but if I'm reading this the first time, hopefully I can just brush this off as something to figure out sooner or later. Perhaps mention the "overheated robots" (or something similar if they're not overheating).

The baddies have descriptions that clarify the issue immediately - regular enemy robots achieving sentience. I guess the reflection events could be a side-effect of this - perhaps you could update the description of the affects bots only to indicate that "This robot is obviously computing at far beyond their manufacturer's intentions, owing to the heat haze radiating from it." Cheap, yeah, fails to explain the transparency, but meh.

My ally is still an EB (with me on level 1 difficulty), and I still put up with that since I'm the robot-fighting psi-guy. But he does tend to kill-steal. Perhaps he could be a Boss.
The Rikti Drone and Hoverbot bug is making this seizure-inducing. Hopefully that'll be fixed soon.
You could update the description of the Rikti Drones.

This time through, I understand and trust my contact more than last time. Yet he still asks on the second mission if I want to check his credentials - this makes me suspicious of him. That's probably what you want.

Two missions in, and I'll quit there, before I face the Malta (yeah, I'm cheap). The changes are looking great! This is much, much smoother now. Good luck getting voters! The arc has more votes than any of mine now.

Cheers, airhead

Ah, good tvtrope, I understand what you're shooting for now with the Contact. It's there, but I missed it. Probably just me (or you could ham it up more with a brief tangent in the dialog of an earlier mission send-off...).

Regarding motivation, I played because I saw opportunity in the Arc Description. Otherworldly people, time travel, other dimensions - untold sources of power! While it's kept generalized, I think this works fine. I'd be happy just to pick up a few knick-knacks of my own along the way. Sure, they might lead to patents, or murder and mayhem, or riches, or some other specific motivation - but you'd be right to stop short of that.

Lazarus,

I hope you'll look back over my comments again, since I stuck in a late edit. Which was perhaps part of the "good ending" I missed, oh well I'll stick this one in my todo list, the alternate ending sounds interesting.

[ QUOTE ]
...complaints over missing details that were provided but you somehow didn't see...

[/ QUOTE ]

This can happen. Arcs are not as linear as books, so details may be read out of order. I provided my experience as it happened. Playing arcs can also involve distractions, such as combat, computer glitches, pets...

I was not distracted. I read everything written on my screen. Revisit my review with an open mind; if you still feel my concerns won't impact anyone else, ignore them. I missed your DHMO joke. I may be the only one. Your call.

"The doctor is in" is red text, thus the focus on it alone.
Anna could be an ally sent along with me on a mission to anywhere.
I saw the Contact's plot reveal, rescue the mother. I still feel she could show some concern at the remains I brought back, rather than smoothly going on to her idea.

[ QUOTE ]
You're paid, and you can quit at any time

[/ QUOTE ]
If you mean Inf and XP, I would get more from a farm. I'm looking for another chapter in my toon's story. Hence my selfish request for motivators.

Cheers, airhead

Of Futures Past, @Lazarus, 254599. Villainous!

Map choices look reasonable, no Defeat All, no AVs or Extremes... looks like fun.

You need to add a decription to the Contact in Story Settings for access through Ask about this contact.
The level range is high. Yet I'll be a lacky to a villain called Cobalt Stinger. Nonetheless, there's potential for selfish gain in this, with likely jaunts to other dimensions. I have played arc 3326 (Portal Bandits) which is noted as being in parallel to this. That was a fairly early version, even had a different title, and I gave up at that time as the combats were too hard. This one isn't specifically Challenging so I have high hopes here. I take along my level 50 Going Rogue controller, who uses his airhead status to 'accidentally' make morally reprehensible decisions.

And it's the wanted advertisement format again. Fair enough, good so far. The last line of the intro indicates the 'doctor is in', which means a doctor is on-the-job, or could mean he was in that lab, or surprise that the Doctor was in a lab that he wasn't supposed to be... not sure which it is yet.
M1 intro: aquirring -&gt; aquiring
In the send-off, I'm looking for multiple objects, but I am given just one locator beacon. Probably should be plural.
"But I won't require it" at the end of send-off suggests Cobalt is capable of bossing me around. Darn, I thought she might be a chummy villain contact for once.
My master plan here is to help Cobalt, and grab items for her. Doesn't feel villainous yet as I depart for mission 1. Perhaps just 'grab stuff', then I might line my own pockets.
9:40pm: Enter mission 1.
Holy cow, laundry list. 6 colections and 7 rescues. At least they're pluralized nicely. I'd like to be reminded of the potential for nabbing some ill-gotten gains of my own. And it's Nagans - Portal Bandits (nee Service) is coming back to me now. This time they're my friends.
[NPC] Tarantula: If she asks us about feeling lucky next... // [NPC] Nagan Brawler: Go ahead, make my day! - dialog seems to be reversed?
Nagan Gravitist: one the battlefield -&gt; on the battlefield ; learned in how -&gt; learned how
I'm collecting minion allies, and as a villain, they're expendable. Some people will really like this, it happens in one of my arcs too.
Nagan Duelist refers to himself as "We" upon rescue, not sure if that's deliberate, doesn't sound self-serving if he means his whole troupe.
Nagan Duelist: second sentence is a run-on, gives differences and similarities joined with "and".
Nagan Archer: forgoe -&gt; forgo
The Nagan Shockfist's captors say, "We've got her cornered and she's taunting us?" - perhaps add a verbal taunt to her dialog too.
Nagan Radiologist: and how to apply -&gt; and to apply ; lead to -&gt; led to
Okay, I have all of the bubblegum Nagans now. No sign of Doctor Aeon yet. I doubt this kids will help much, but they'll absorb a hit each.
I find the computer, and then Dr Aeon has arrived (although I thought he was already here, but that's okay).
But I've missed one piece of equipment. I go back through the map. Ah, it was just kinda small. And I'm done! But I have a posse, and they have a Doctor, and now I have an emergency Exit button, so it's time. Besides, it's fun watching the posse-markers on the map trying to keep up. He'd hidden well, but not well enough. Dr. Aeon somehow didn't seem very grand. Didn't help that he spawned in a back corridor with a single arachnos minion.
10:24pm: Return to contact.
Okay... so we have some serious mad scientist going on, with dimensional temporal gadgets. I see Rikti Cimerorans in my future. Or wherever it is.
M2 send-off: ethusiastic -&gt; enthusiastic
Okay... luckily I'm playing airhead here, I don't know how many villains would subscribe to this "be a guinea pig, I don't feel like using robots for that". But I'm like, oo-kay, what do you need me to do.
10:32pm: Enter mission 2.
Popup says I return in 15 minutes. Timer says I have 10 minutes. Atlas Ruined map, and a collection, so I know where to look. Luckily I bump into Veratzu on the way there, who lets me know the Devouring Earth and Rikti are mainly what's left here (plus himself). Rikti, eh? So either I'm in the Rikti dimension, or I'm in my own dimension in the future, or Rikti have started invading other dimensions (do these other dimensions have copies of Nemesis instigating those wars as well?). Rikti and additional dimensions makes my head hurt.
I found some interesting items, but none by themselves are really exciting. I'm in ruins, so I could have collected any bones (and carbon dating? I'm in another dimension, what if this one runs on a faster clock?). The helmet helps a little, although it doesn't explain the Rikti and Devouring Earth. The newspaper - could I read it? Any interesting articles? It might be old, but it's outdoors in a trashcan, it can't be that much older than the 15 years indicated.
Okay, so then an errand. A bunch of stuff needs to happen. Okay, I'll go get it. Oh, and Anna will be there? Then why on earth am I going? Probably Anna should not be there. Oh, actually, I'm not stealing it. Perhaps mission description could point out I'm going to Cobalt's base, which explains why Anna is there...
And nice dialog by the police cyborg, covers events going on in the parallel arc very well. Finally I get to do some freelance looting! Lots of great stuff too. There's a barrel of "DHMO" - I think that's from the other arc. If so, a bit obtuse here for someone who hasn't played both. I found explosives. Perhaps you could spice up the description. The crates laid out well - some not quite at the back, and then one right at the back!
Revisiting the Clues, very little sounds interesting. This is the lair of a mad scientist college student, but I only saw "college student". Or else you could highlight that contact must come from somewhere else, "but where?", since her base lacks and gear for making time travel devices.
10:58pm: Return to contact
There's more allusions to the parallel arc, luckily I have played that. Part 4 mission is another go-collect. No mention of whether it's past or future, just another dimension. No mention of what's in it for me. "Have fun"? That's my motivation? For a level 50 villain in the employ of a young lady superscientist? Airhead says, oo-kay. But I think I deserve to have a goal at this time.
11:05pm: Enter mission 4.
Shocktrooper: on / upon redundancy, remove one
Ubermensch: development -&gt; developments. Described as a juggernaut, perhaps should be Huge body type
Okay, so I'm in an abandoned lab, with Shocktroopers apparently from an Agency, and the computer needs power. This is where the plot should make me care about doing this. What will I gain, as a villain?
Ubermensch says, I will show him the way, but upon his defeat says nothing more. Seems like he'd have been someone I'd have wanted to interrogate.
Okay, having trouble finding the Backup Generator. I do find a Mainframe objective that apparently isn't ready for me yet. Don't know if you have control over that dialog, it might suggest I need power first. I do find the generator in the end, but the Mainframe is still not ready for me. Need to find access to the network. Ah, another objective has come alive. And then it's the mainframe. Now 4 terminals. My villain is an airhead, but currently feels more like a computer specialist. Phew, done. Clickie development doesn't result in plot development, the Clues that appear aren't tied to my progress. But they're interesting, sounds like my contact may have been cyberized here. If this is her plot to use me, she might have spun me a story about something slightly different to get me to come here.
11:28pm: Return to contact.
So, my contact acknowledges my conclusions. So the remains were her mother's - she's astonishingly uninterested in that fact. Instead, she gets an idea. If the contact is meant to be this ruthless, it might have been foreshadowed in her earlier dialog too.
But nonetheless she wants me to rescue her mother anyway. Yay? Complicated girl. Doesn't really make sense, and I'm less likely to be sympathetic.
Mission 5 intro: payed -&gt; paid
Anyway, I'm off to rescue a mom who has the resources to blow up a building. At least I'm getting paid for sure this time.
11:32pm: Enter mission 5.
Interestingly, this is not a timed mission. I thought I was supposed to prevent an explosion. Good map choice, it resembles the ruined lab fairly well, although the entrance is a bit different.
Shocktrooper Sgt.: what the -&gt; what they
I find a bomb, that I can't click on. Perhaps it's meant to be faded, something I put in place later. Right now it's not glowing, You Can't Complete This Objective Yet. Confusing. I find more later too. It might explain why there's no time on this mission, but it just seems messy.
Okay I find Alina, but she's already a captive. Perhaps she has a remote detonator they haven't taken away from her.
And she does! And the explosives suddenly make sense. Hopefully I'll never be required to click on them, just escort mom out.
The explosives will confuse a lot of players I think, particularly after the previous mission.
At least there's reinforcements to avoid having an empty map going back. Mom sure is well armed.
I fight off a few ambushes, but then it dawns on me - I'm evil! Mom can bite the bullet, it wouldn't be my fault, and I'd get out of here a heck of a lot quicker. I finally get to make a choice, and it's a diabolical one.
As I look around for another ambush, I notice the explosives are not activated, even though Mom appeared to use some sort of device. Was she just showing me the detonator?
I cop some abuse from Mom when she gets left behind. It makes it more practical to feed her to a patrol I'd overlooked. The Shocktroopers were fairly efficient, if drab in their execution.
11:54pm: Failed. Return to contact.
I got my money. Cool.

I hope my decision at the end there didn't ruin the story as you'd intended. There's no glaring plot holes, aside from a lack of motivation for my villain at times, hopefully the info above can help you polish it further.

For fresh material, I usually vote based on an arc's potential. But Lazarus himself calls a 4 what most people call a 5. On the other hand, Venture promotes voting consistently, as much is possible. So my 4 becomes a 5 becomes a 3 becomes a 5. Time for my medication.

Edit: Had an idea. You could have the explosives in the last mission go live at the same time as you escort the mom out. Then if player does click on them, he 'disarms them' just for a prank (not to save lives or nothin'). Then you have an optional outcome for pranksters as well

Dang! Another quality review. I won't say 'great review', it's not great having all of your arc's warts hung out to dry. [horribly mixed metaphor]. But it's quality. It's exactly what I needed. I got a lot of work ahead of me to fix this up.

1. Try to give player clearer heroic incentive going into first mission.
2. Vary description (and perhaps appearance) of ratters. There's actually 2 minions, black and brown, but yeah, vary more. I'm out of space but I think I have an idea how to add more. 4th mission is meant to be a "sea" of them.
3. Mission 1 is not an escort, that is the weirdest thing. It has never been an escort, Fairgo gets himself out. Unless you just happened to get there at the same time (which would feel a bit like that Captain Dynamic arc).
4. Family is bugged in the middle of their supposed level range. I'd heard about this, never seen it, should have looked. I will lock the upper level limit to 29. That also fits with the nature of the task.
5. Add detailed description to Matron Holicapo. Perhaps Molls too.
6. Indicate why orphanage has a crappy (pile of boxes) filing system.
7. Give nurse a real description.
8. Make Void/Nictus/crystal connection much clearer (give relevance to that mission).
9. Peacebringers and Warshades get the "Kheldian" warning in the Arc Description - Make this more obvious.
10. Reorder mission 3: Rescue Fairgo and then nurse. I've been kicking myself about that, I'll hurry up and fix it.
11. Mission 5 entry pop-up highlighted what happens with the ally/betrayal. I will make it more obvious with an objective listing more than one option!
12. The potential for allies to overwhelm the EB is intentional to support squishy players, you can choose to abandon any of them.

The final objective is a choice, not all heroes subscribe to revenge. The villain is just a boss, since I want it to be possible to have the ratters take him out (should the player determine that method provides poetic justice), and so low level players can beat him up (if they choose). Reducing the upper level to 29 fits here too.

Any comments on the Souvenir? Irritating or interesting?

So I got lots of work, and a middling rating, but I look at the potential: I get to fix (hopefully) all the major problems in one go! Thanks, airhead

Vanguard was always, from its inception almost 6 months prior to this story (invasion of the supergroup bases), comprised of metahumans, not puny humans. It's fair to argue that costumes were unlikely to be so uniform, although I cannot find any information on exactly when Impervium and Talsorian weaponry came into use by humans. These advancements do not appear to be Rikti adaptations. "Enchanted Impervium" even less likely so.

Rikti initial invaders (per the cityofheroes.com website history pages) are described as wearing 'powered armor'. Admittedly they're also described as occasionally using their jet packs, something we never see today. They apparently sent everything they had, not holding back, then closed up the portals. Look at a Rikti Infantry today, they're described as "Even out of their battle armor...", so that is definitely not their armored look. Post-war Rikti body armor upgrades are not mentioned anywhere that I can find.

You could make a primitive Vanguard group from existing toons, such as Paragon Protectors, colored Vanguard-purple-black-bleak, renamed and with new descriptions. You'd get several for the sacrifice of one of your existing NPCs. It would definitely add to the 'early days' feeling of the arc.

My earlier feedback on this arc suggested mentioning that SOLUS was just another hero group, and leave it at that. Perhaps the external link to the SOLUS site could be moved to the end of the arc to avoid "coloring" the experience early on.

And it is worth building sympathy for the characters. It is not a lost cause. Although, I personally thought this was done to some degree in this arc, definitely moreso after my first review.

American Angel, glad you enjoyed The Amazing Rat Race! It saw a lot of changes just before your review, particularly the fourth mission (which used to drag on forever). I've also updated based on your review. Revenge was always possible, but now I highlight how in the pop-up before the mission, instead of after (duh). I also boosted the villain to Boss, since, well, he was the boss. Hopefully it is recognizable and a challenge to provide a better conclusion. I've added progress (eg. 3/5) to the mission titles. And I added a warning to Kheldians in the Arc Description, something that has been pointed out before.

That was just a really bad Italian accent, fake, per the confession. An early reviewer reminded me I couldn't hope to pass that rubbish off as being said by a real Italian Rat Race is still working on the paperwork for your badge. You know how reliable he is.

Cheers, airhead

The Galactic Protectorate - 02, #117821, @Unknown Hero

Back again, to revisit the other dimension where human-looking aliens from "Eden" have invaded other-Earth!

Again, the arc is very well written. The premise is pretty straightforward, alien invasion, yet the writing is so clear and interesting, particularly the Phalanx personalities, that it's well worth playing through. The customs get a little repetitive - perhaps hold some back for later missions, so there's always surprises? The escalating challenges are good. I learned some interesting stuff in the first mission with the optional history, but I didn't find similar things later on, while I did in the first arc (the status of Positron). The aliens still don't have a particularly alien nature to them, they seem like humans. There's no indication they came from space - I'm inclined to think they're just another bunch of Earthers from another dimension, posing as galactics. Highlights included outgunning Synapse and Manticore, the care and detail that went into all the custom descriptions, and the last 3 words of the arc.

On-the-run details are below. You're welcome to review one of my arcs - even the same one, if you like. It'd probably take 10 minutes since you know most of it... but Mindy's last words are key to understanding that mess; the second mission has one line of dialog changed to indicate why Captain D. is not as smart in the caves; and the third mission has loads of tweaks to try to improve momentum and "light comedy". If you did choose to redo that, instead of "The Amazing Rat Race" which is much longer, then I'd appreciate if you might come up with just one G.F. email that's funnier than my new ones

6:51pm: Collect arc.
M1 intro: and a hidden -&gt; or a hidden
Nice writing of Manticore.
6:63pm: Enter mission 1.
Custom: Blackstar Beserker -&gt; Blackstar Berserker (and also in its description)
Okay, so all indications are that the general already left. Still, better be sure... or find where she went.
Mmm. This time I've encountered Division 12 (Starlight Sorcerer). However, if there's 12 Generals, and there's a Division 0 (from the last arc) then how to get to 12? Perhaps Division 0 is Lord Cosmic's personal retinue. But I don't know for sure.
Ooh, all the optional history clickies are in the same room, nice.
And then I mapserve. Time to start over.
7:04pm: Enter mission 1.
Interesting... the Meteor Mage is definitely not female. Perhaps others too. Different to Division 0.
Strange that a Cosmic Crusader - someone apparently from a galactic union of people, should choose a name and costume reminiscent of a group from Earth.
And the optional computers are all in the same room again, nice.
Astral Archer: regulary -&gt; regularly
The quality of the enemy descriptions puts pressure on me to enhance the descriptions on my own toons! Lots of thought and creativity went into these. The final room looks like my arc's final room, and the Berserker there looks like Captain Slippery... sorry, was distracted
Base Commander's dialog: same design as our leader, -&gt; same design as our leader's,
Checked my Clues. Ooh, so the Protectorate is in place to prevent galactic war. So somehow, Earth is threatening to cause one! It could be any of a number of our inventions I guess, from Ouroboros to Portal Corp.
Seems I forgot to destroy a Mainframe. Seems I got lucky finding the first objectives, still a map or two to go. And done.
7:21pm: Return to contact.
More well-written mission dialog. And we're off to rescue Synapse!
7:23pm: Enter mission 2.
M2 entry pop-up: it's -&gt; its
Collecting, clobbering... Synapse seems like he'd be a bit powerful for a sidekick, but when I leave him alone with Col. Grandal he gets his butt kicked! Nice to feel so useful, as I save him at the last moment.
Col. Grandal: Sorcers -&gt; Sorcerers
Synapse also does spectacularly poorly against Colonel Armalad.
7:39pm: Return to contact.
M3 intro: alot -&gt; a lot
M3 send-off: Reistance -&gt; Resistance
7:43pm: Enter mission 3.
So we're off to rescue Sister Psyche, with Manticore's help! It's an outdoors map, so I'll bounce around to find my goals.
Ooh, the General is an EB (I'm level 1 difficulty), should be more interesting.
After much running around (and the demise of Manticore... I guess I shouldn't have lost Sister Psyche) I defeat the General. Unfortunately, I have to defeat her group as well, goodness knows which of many those are (perhaps make her boss-only-to-complete). So I guess I have to clear.
And just in time! As my graphics is crashing.
7:52pm: Return to contact.
And, darn, my graphics did crash before I saw the return message. I hope it's there when I restart. Yay!
And WOW. I am so glad I saw it! That is one of the coolest finale messages I've seen.
M3 return: signifigant -&gt; significant
Souvenir: period on the end of the fourth paragraph.

Great update to The Shadow Rune of the Warlocks! This flows well. I also see Moth Mole's laser beams now highlighted in his description.

Mission 2 is tricky - glowies. I can see them from about 15'. Thank goodness they're all in one place (I ran this twice to be sure). I couldn't find one (they're that hard to see) but since I'd found the others, I just kept searching nearby.

Fascinating history Clues. I'd always assumed the Banished Pantheon referred to the gods those dudes worshipped.

And nice finish. Great all around.

Cheers, airhead

Still a typo in Siren of Moth, Cemeterery -&gt; Cemetery
The 4 warlocks should be boss-only needed to complete. Otherwise I'm tracking down unknowns on an open map.
I have the Earth Warlock to go, but my nav says "Red Warlock"
The runes seem to be crystals.

Edits not sticking is a right-royal pain in the butt. I don't know the fix (some say it's a matter of refreshing the arc selection panel before selecting again) but what works for me is:

Only make edits to one mission. Then Republish. If the interface didn't go away, Exit/Abandon anyway. Definitely wait until the Chat window says your arc is 'updated'. Then wait a bit more - about a pinch and a half - then go back into the architect interface, hit Search to refresh your arc listing, and go back in and edit. When you go back in, first check something stuck from before. Then go and edit the next mission. It might then take you five times through for a 5-mission arc...

This kind of (potentially pointless) ritualism has worked worked great for me. Also writing down the edits you're doing, in case you have to redo, and redo, and redo...

Hi,

Another challenge you'll have is finding a role for your player.
<ul type="square">[*]If it's a heroic story, your player will want to do something heroic - probably even outshining Larry the sidekick.[*]If it's a villainous story, your player might be helping the villain (if there's something in it for them), or even taking advantage of everyone.[*]If it's a neutral arc, then the player often still needs a motivation, eg. their life or friends are at risk (such as a Rikti invasion).[/list]None of that makes your story funny, or otherwise, but it's important as it gets your story played. It can also be the hardest or last thing done in an arc like this, since it's easier to focus on the personalities you know (your heroes and villains) than on the player (who could be many things).

Perhaps the player could be the "Larry" person, saving your hero's butt. Or someone additional to factor in. Or even just a hologram projected into their adventures from the AE to provide advice (and of course, save the day). Good luck!

Hi Hercules. All your arcs are flagged as 'Final'. Are you looking for feedback?

Here's a review upon request.

Horsemen Chronicles, #195149, @Citizen Razor 2, Heroic, 5 missions

Outcasts, Hellions, Skulls, Clockwork, Custom Group... the last being an easier version of the Vahzilok? Actually, I think it's a subset.

It's a low-level arc. I am to be a Horseman, according to the arc description. Why? Do I get a horse?

The contact explains this to me better. Note the contact could have a description in Story Settings, that I would access from Ask about this contact. The contact is part of a group, that would like me to join. They have a valid cause, but nothing urgent is indicated. I might join another group temporarily, but the duration here is open-ended. I join anyway for the sake of review. The send-off gives me a more urgent task.
M1 send-off: being -&gt; that is
M1 entry pop-up: adventuare -&gt; adventure
Who is the "them", referred to in my entry pop-up?
I find a corpse, among the Vahz. It's a Water Department dude, but there's no Clue. I find another, identical. And another. And another. Why were these guys down here, apparently unprotected, if my contact already knew this sewer has long been infested with Vahz?
Then another one causes big-bad to spawn - right on top of me! I ran. His name was Omega. My contact's name is Alpha, making this seem strange - he's supposedly a bad guy? His description doesn't help much, but it does acknowledge that. I beat him down and mission completed.
Clues clarify things for me (including that I missed Omega taking the ID badge from a corpse, since he spawned on top of me at that same moment).
I return to my contact, there's still no clarity whether Alpha is related to Omega. The Greek letter correlation is too striking.
M1 return: Last sentence missing a period

Okay, so Omega is leading a bunch of Skulls into Oranbega... this should be chaos. There's suggestion that Omega is getting help, since he knows where Oranbega is - but couldn't that help have equally come from someone in the Praetoria dimension? Oranbega may be there, since the worlds are very similar.
So I'm off to get Omega from Oranbega, who is already known to teleport out on defeat. What am I doing differently this time that might allow me to catch him?
Entry pop-up says "at least it's only the Skulls" - if I'm in Oranbega, I can bet I might encounter Circle of Thorns here. Indeed, I did. The pop-up misrepresents me.
Now then, Omega's ally is Tarsis, who is willing to rat on the CoT in exchange for "an entire world of souls". CoT are reknowned for their unwillingness to defect (Akarist is known as "the first traitor Oranbega has ever had in aeons"). Omega is an other-dimensional being who does not appear to be a demon. This seems extremely out of character for Tarsis.
Another clickie releases Omega again. This time, not on top of me. I find Omega, beat him up, and surprise, surprise, he teleports out on defeat. Is my contact dumb or is he assuming I am?
Returning to my contact, he's simply stumped, and that's it. So we move on to Mission 3.

My contact now has been given access by Synapse to the database regarding Tyrant's dimension (where Omega came from). Granted access - isn't Alpha working for the group put in place by Freedom Phalanx (includes Synapse) specifically to monitor Tyrant's dimension? So why wouldn't the Freedom Phalanx have provided that data from the beginning? This makes no sense.
Anyway, I'm off to beat on Omega again. I'm to grab the artifact first - an artifact that could be a bandana, or a Water Dept. ID, or more likely, ANYTHING else. I don't think my objective is meaningful.
On arrival (pop-up) it says there are several spots the artifact might be, and it's likely buried. This makes no sense, how can I know where to dig? When I find the "disturbed dirt" this makes sense, but at the time of the pop-up, I haven't seen that. Nonetheless, my omniscience delivers me the artifact ahead of Omega this time. I run around and find Omega, so I can waste the batteries on his emergency teleporter one more time. Seems I hit the right clickie on the second one, with many more I luckily didn't need to try.

So my next mission is to return the key since the baddie has taken hostages. Wait, that's rule number 1 - don't negotiate with extra-dimensional terrorists! I think this mission objective needs work, I just don't want to proceed as it is. I proceed for the purpose of review.
Okay, so my entry pop-up says I did exactly what I refuse to do. Not happy. Of course the terrorist didn't comply with the negotiation, and has three hostages still. My contact is a moron. Apparently I am too, as I gave up the key.
So Omega is working with Hellions now. What was wrong with the Skulls? What power of blind obedience does this guy have? He's got a bow and arrows. Perhaps he's Cupid.
Two hostages say weird stuff, about finding her magazines, about him forgetting a date. I don't see any relevance to the plot? Perhaps the magazines were in the same locker that apparently the Badge of Honour was taken from or something. Vague.

Okay, so the obtuse choice of artifacts ties to the fact that five different energy fields protect Paragon City, tied to the origins of power. And these day-to-day items were specifically needed to beat these fields. Quite a stretch, even in a super-hero world. And I've never heard of such fields. It's quite something to suddenly know about now.

So now I go to beat up on Omega again, maybe his emergency teleporter beacon has finally run out of batteries. Oh. Apparently Alpha thinks he might be able to intercept the beacon.
So I find the artifact, which activates some destructibles, that in turn leads to a Clockwork leader, then to Omega. The spawns are all nicely aligned towards the back of the map, so no harm in using a sequence for this play-through.
Oh, missed that clue - apparently "while I was fighting Crackhammer" my pocket was picked by Clockwork and the artifact was given to the baddie. I'm not just foolish, and gullible, but I'm clueless too now.
Omega claims I hit the wrong portal devices, which perhaps matches the related Clue (why is this relevant?). And he's a counterpart to someone in this reality (gee, I wonder if it's Alpha). At least the teleport didn't happen. Eventually I find the last Clockwork that is part of Omega's spawn and ... I get another objective. Perhaps Omega could be set as "Boss only to complete".
So I have to find a computer. I REALLY hope it's here in this last room. Nope, gotta search the whole map again. Ugh.
Oh, completing Omega objective tells me I failed to stop the five artifacts going to Praetoria, yet my current objective is to stop the artifacts going to Praetoria. Doesn't make sense.
Clue Omega (Part V): artifcat -&gt; artifact
And I can't find the computer that comes next, after searching the map three times, top to bottom to top. I have to quit.

Overall, I'm not sure where to start with fixing this. The problems could be fixed one by one, but there will still be the overall concept of five fields of protection, that can be defeated by five everyday objects, that this whole story hinges upon. The plot makes little sense, and the enemy group choices don't often seem to make sense. Why do they all collude with Omega?

Hopefully some of the details will be of help in any case.

//airhead

Thanks Mirror Man for the great review! Everyone seems to get something completely different out of this, but you're the closest so far to my intent.

The first mission actually was bug-free. The snakes mission had somehow been supplanted by that save-the-cat level 1 mission, perhaps due to having too many architects involved, perhaps due to the hackers you learn about in the second mission. This mission was to set the scene that, when more than one architect (or hacker) is making changes inside an arc, the Contact is no longer in control of the storyline. Nonetheless, the toons inside the missions seem to know what's supposed to happen. If Mindy just had a bit more text space, I think I could get this across... I'll keep trying.

I hope you got to check out Mindy's description, so that mission made sense on some level It is actually possible to jump over the badmobile (I never thought of /stuck, nor gotten stuck, but I have now practiced this jump a lot). The badmobile sometimes spawns in a slightly less difficult place, but then you miss out on this unique objective.

The rest of the arc went according to plan, by the sounds of it. The emails aren't very funny, I was highlighting Great Face's whiny personality, and trying to explain it, so he'd be forgiveable... meh. I'll try to steer it back to "light and comedic" there. Contact Captain Dynamic is a bit too well written (making those outrageous leaps of logic), but then he has a whole team of writers. You found the one inside to be very different - great! Perhaps I can find better ways to indicate why.

The uppy-downy nature of the third mission is still something I'm trying to improve on. I don't want it to upset the pace of the arc. The main storyline becomes secondary to the Euronator storyline once that begins, but continues anyway since the Contact is oblivious. I might be attempting too much here for 3 missions, light comedy, but I'll go over your review a few times as I clean up what I have.

Cheers, airhead

While my review thread has gone quiet, it's only because there's been other places to put my reviews:

Arc 227331: The Consequences of War Pt.1: @Dalghryn (repeated later)
Arc 227331: The Consequences of War Pt.1: @Dalghryn (re-review) (5)
Arc 4829: Chains of Blood: @Venture (not shown, 4)
Arc 232910: Dimensional Rift Detected!: @Killo (not shown, 3)
Arc 229358: Release the Dragon: @Nebs (5)
Arc 126582: Two Households Alike: @Venture (5)
Arc 241496: The Consequences of War Pt.2: @Dalghryn (PM'ed edits) (not shown, 5)
Arc 244484: If you teach a man to make a fish: @Heronator (5)
Arc 1388: Celebrity Kidnapping: @PW (not shown, 5)
Arc 248963: Catalyst Task Force: @AmericanAngel-Pete (4)
Arc 250142: Lockdown: @Mandu (5)
Arc 30821: A Clean Break: @Crimson Racer (not shown, 4)
Arc 47143: The Galactic Protectorate - 01: @Unknown Hero (5)

I'm still here, still looking for things to look at per my original post.

Cheers, airhead

The Galactic Protectorate - 01, #47143, @Unknown Hero

Each of the trilogy has 3 missions, making them quite manageable. My overall opinion this time is at the end.

First thing I notice, the first arc is classified as "Final". I still hope that this feedback might have some use. Normally I vote based on potential, since authors typically use feedback to good effect. What should I do here?

Other-Synapse is still called Synapse. I wonder, since he's otherworldly, if there could be a very slight twist on his name.
That might immediately draw me into the context. Er-Synapse? Pronapse? Other-Synapse? *cough* Best I stop trying. You should also add a contact description in the Story Summary page, it'll show when you Ask about this contact.

Mission titles aren't used. Not required, but it tends to add structure to the arc (get a sense of where you are, how much book/movie remains).

So, I'm being asked to help by a contact manipulating the AE system. This is a common gambit now in the game, but that's okay, there's only so many ways to finish a chocolate jigsaw. And I'm off to liberate captives! On a big map...

Looks like I'm being introduced to a bunch of locals. Good. Hopefully they'll communicate the nature of this dimension.

Equator Engineer's description mentions planet Eden, is this Eden? I learn of a Lord Cosmic, with Generals. General Lucius commands 7th Division, not sure who commands Division 0. Perhaps Lord Cosmic himself? The enemies have about as much variety as the Rikti. For the consistency Erik seeks, you could break them into logical posse like the Rikti are (headman gunman with monkeys, comm officer with infantry, etc).
Star Slinger description: exerperience -&gt; experience
Hydro Healer description: seperates -&gt; separates
Nurse Perkins description: Reistance -&gt; Resistance
Mayor Bruckenmeier description: Plaenetary -&gt; Planetary
Despite meeting the resistance, who work with heroes, I have only one clue to show for the first mission, one I apparently found myself. Intriguing clue though!

The second mission, and Synapse changes "prisoners" into "hostages" - a little disconcerting. Sort of sounds the same, but if the contact is not unequivocal then it translates into doubt.
I'm off to steal and destroy. Stealth time!
So there's 12 Divisions (12 Generals) and Eden is the home planet. Hmm. Earth did something to incur this wrath. Have to find out what.

Nice description on Comet Commander.
Man, tough information gathering session that. Definitely not worth trying to run from the ambushes...
Mission 2 return: thougt -&gt; thought

Awesome, third mission is timed.

Mission 3 send-off: giong -&gt; going (typing fast, this is timed!)
M3 entry popup: wall -&gt; walls
What exactly are the Galactic Protectorate's signature colors? Blue and white, like their uniforms?
Big ol' battle to free the captive! Nice description on my captive.
Found an Easter Egg that wasn't in my nav, nice. Dreadful way to win...
Aftermath Clue: agression -&gt; aggression

Overall, in this first arc, I oriented, learned-and-contributed, then contributed. I like this other dimension, it's intriguing. I do wonder why the Protectorate soldiers are all female, it'd be nice to explain that. Otherwise, they seem to be a kind of wimpy choice (shouldn't they be in battle armor to the gills like some Rikti? Perhaps they're supposed to appease humans with their appearance?). The first arc is mostly self-contained, need to highlight the climax, and perhaps foreshadow that rescuing Manticore is the whole reason Synapse contacted you in the first place (by the beginning of mission 3 - chapter/mission titles might help?). But for sheer scale of endeavor, it's great! For quality dialog and evolving plot, I rate this a potential 5-stars.

Looking forward to the second arc. If you like, you can review one of the arcs in my sig. One is an origin story with small-scale goals (1144), the other is... complicated (190069). Play whatever you think you might actually like

Cheers, airhead