28 missions?
No.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
It's actually going to total 32, if you're really that concerned with "zomg its too long!"
Edit: For those of you daunted by the number of missions, remember that we've only been able to post more than three arcs for just a few days. These arcs were designed around the fact that only three could be published at the same time, and that there has to be a period of time that they are up before they switch to the next. Its like a TV show or comic book, put out in episodes and issues. When they're all piled together, yeah, it looks like a huge investment of time (sit by the TV for 12 hours!?), but spread out like it was originally intended, and its just fine, right?
So go ahead and consider the first arc (or two) the pilot, and if it sparks your interest, I'd welcome you to play the rest.
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.
Ok so I went into this hoping to be the good cop to Venture's bad cop. If someone was willing to put together this many arcs obviously a lot of effort was involved, and I might as well give it a chance...
Who knew the road to hell was paved with good intentions?
Oh.
Right.
The worst part is I really can't say much, I can't suggest much, because there isn't much. Basically the first arc takes less content than is in some single missions and drags it out across five of them.
The writing is lack luster, even by my generally generous standards, and there just isn't much that happens. No reveals, nothing explained. Just some bad guys stole a book, and uh... it's really important or something... maybe.
The only thing I can suggest is for the author to take the story they've spread across all these arcs and condense it into one. If this first arc is any indication of the complexity of the others that would not be a hard feat.
My personal rating system reserves one star for "You didn't try." this first arc barely pulled a two, and didn't exactly leave me chomping at the bit for more.
I highly doubt you'll take my suggestion, but should you do so I'd be happy to try the resulting arc and review it.
Infatum on Virtueverse
Edit: For those of you daunted by the number of missions, remember that we've only been able to post more than three arcs for just a few days.
Allow me to clarify my position.
There is no way in heaven, earth or hell that your character is interesting enough to carry 32 missions. Hamlet, who is generally considered to be one of the most complex characters ever created in English literature (if not the most), was only good for five acts, and two of those were pretty short.
I don't need to look at this to know that it's a train wreck, the MA equivalent of Ishtar or Waterworld. It's also exactly what I expected to see once extra slots became available (people were already doing it, just not in such a grandiose fashion). I suggest that you a) play some of the arcs I and other reviewers have given 4-5 stars to, and b) scrap this and try writing about things that don't involve your character.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
So... I should go back to writing about Statesman and Lord Recluse's escapades? More Nemesis plots? Something else about some of the mobs already in the game? Why would I want to do that?
As far as my first arc being "terse" as one of my friends said, soon after publishing, its intentional. The later arcs have more to them. Does any good story put all the reveals in the first chapter? I don't think so. Of course, it being the first in the series, it was the first I made, so of course there may be some weakness to the writing.
I would probably be amongst the first to tell you that I am not Shakespeare, so comparing the length and quality of his writings to mine and telling me its awful because it can in no way compete is kind of an unfair thing to do.
edit: Oh, yeah, sure, my "character" wouldn't be able to carry that many missions. However, toss in some other "characters", both those that are actual toons and those that don't actually exist as a PC, and you have plenty to carry anything for any length. Just because it all centers around one title character doesn't mean its just about them. Look at Harry Potter. I'm not saying its Shakespeare quality, and its spread out over a lot more pages than Hamlet, but you know how successful it was, even if the first book was short on detail and interactions.
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.
A Minor Vexation, Arc 1591, @Faldette
It has 5 missions, 4 main villain groups. This will need to be a complex story to explain so many groups getting involved on separate maps. 4 Medium maps and a Large. That is a lot of acreage. Someone needs some help recovering some magical items. "needs help" - okay, I have a motive. There's only two keywords, custom characters and non-canon, which tells me nothing at all about the type of story. Story Status is Final already, changes are not expected. The arc has 26 votes already, and is 4-star on average. So why am to I select this arc? Well, on the assumption that most of this information is wrong. There has to be another useful keyword, the author must be willing to make changes, the maps are made of wool and have been laundered on high heat, all the votes are luckily from the author's Supergroup, so I can help with correcting stuff. Okay, I accept I am probably being daft.
The contact begins by indicating she didn't seek my help, but instead that I wanted to help her. Uh, no. This contradicts the Arc Description's only clue, that someone needed help. I now have nothing to play for.
So I'll go get a page for the contact. Nothing included about the book, why should I care about the book, why should the contact care about the book, why should I care about the contact... that's okay! Because I can check out the contact's description. Where she is a fairly secretive heroine, and not much is known about the origin of her powers. Not much? So tell me the little bits!
I accept the mission because the accept button is shiny, but then the send-off tells me not to read the book, and that it's probably illegible.
I have no motivation to continue, I'm sorry. But I post this in the hopes that you'll turn arc 1 into the biggest and best of all your arcs. And make mission 1 in arc 1 the most involving, scene-setting mission possible. That's how trilogies (and omnilogies like this) get started - you need to win an initial fan-base, first a mission, then a first arc, and they'll then accept slightly less (they'll whine, but they'll still pay for sequels). So make me want to be here. At least if you want total strangers like me to subscribe. It won't take much, I'm only concerned about the Story Settings and the Mission 1 first page.
Cheers, airhead
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
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Qr - listen to criticism, OP, tweak and alter your arc if necessary according to feedback, but dont listen to venture. He probably thinks Lost woukd be better if it was edited down to a single 90-minute movie.
Eco
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
You know, airhead, I think your suggestion of making the first mission more of a hook to get people to actually be interested is a fine recommendation. I'll think about what I need to do to do that.
Seems a much better suggestion to me than to scrap my original characters and plots...
I know I should expect these criticisms, but its still kind of hard to take.
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.
He probably thinks Lost woukd be better if it was edited down to a single 90-minute movie.
Based on what I've heard about the show, I doubt it has enough actual plot to fill a 90-minute movie.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
[ QUOTE ]
Seems a much better suggestion to me than to scrap my original characters and plots...
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't think anyone told you to scrap your original characters and plots. I think what they said was, and I'm paraphrashing, write more of a plot.
Right now, it's just about some book. No motivation other than assuming the player came to help instead of being asked. No small reveal hooks, that give you some information but leave you itching for a little more, and no character development for any of the characters in the story.
I've gone through and rewrote most of the mission intro text, though so far have changed little of the actual missions other than reduce the "acreage" of the missions. The changes aren't published yet, so you can't test it yet, but I'm working on it...
Yes I've changed so that she actually does ask you for help as well as add a little more as to what she's trying to accomplish and some of the book's peculiarities. Trying to drop in hints at stuff I have in later arcs (some of which I hadn't fully planned when I first wrote this first one) so, hopefully...
Well, if anything, its less terse...
And yes, Venture did suggest I scrap this and write something that does not involve my characters...
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.
If you love your characters so much that you feel they need a multi-arc story about them, you love them too much to write a good story involving them.
Eva Destruction AR/Fire/Munitions Blaster
Darkfire Avenger DM/SD/Body Scrapper
Arc ID#161629 Freaks, Geeks, and Men in Black
Arc ID#431270 Until the End of the World
Yes, you're right. I missed that on the first pass.
Reason why, most people that write about their own characters know their whole backstory, and forget that the audience doesn't, and often don't give enough information to hook the audience. Never forget that. The audience doesn't know everything you know. You need to share it with them, even if it's just piece by piece.
Also, origin stories tend to glorify the character who's origin they're telling, and leave the player's character as a mere bystander. Most players like to feel their own character (the one they're playing your arc with) is important, and want to be in a major role.
The player character should always be on equal footing, or a more important part of the story, and your character should be in a more supporting role, even if it's their origin. In a game about heroes, everyone wants to be the hero, and your job, as the writer, is the make sure they get to be the hero in your story.
Cheers
Yeah, that's part of what I'm trying to do, Soul_Flame. I never intended it to be a true "origin story" so I'm never trying to push the player aside as a bystander.
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.
QR
Definitely stick to your guns and write what you want.
That being said, I'll need (and I would suspect most would)something really interesting really quick for me to play 32 missions.
[ QUOTE ]
He probably thinks Lost woukd be better if it was edited down to a single 90-minute movie.
Based on what I've heard about the show, I doubt it has enough actual plot to fill a 90-minute movie.
[/ QUOTE ]
Better to stick with talking about things you know, Venture.
@Mental Maden @Maden Mental
"....you are now tackle free for life."-ShoNuff
[ QUOTE ]
He probably thinks Lost woukd be better if it was edited down to a single 90-minute movie.
Based on what I've heard about the show, I doubt it has enough actual plot to fill a 90-minute movie.
[/ QUOTE ]
LMAO you're like a caricature, venture. I'd love to know if there's anything on TV that you like that comes in a goodly number of episodes.
I'd guess babylon 5 if anything.
Lost is very well-made television.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
LMAO you're like a caricature, venture. I'd love to know if there's anything on TV that you like that comes in a goodly number of episodes.
Currently, The Closer, Saving Grace (on probation; it has the same problem as Lost just not quite as bad), and In Plain Sight.
Older stuff would include B5, Firefly, Joan of Arcadia, Rome...probably more I'm not thinking of, that's just what I have DVDs of.
Lost is very well-made television.
Which most of the time is like being valedictorian at summer school.
I am far from the only human being on the planet who thinks Lost is pretentious crap. Its developers long ago admitted they were making it up as they went along. In fact, in the DVD commentary for the season 1 finale of Saving Grace, its show runner Nancy Miller admits the same thing, and says "this is exactly how Lost is written", as if that was a defense, which it is not. Saving Grace lost a lot of its momentum in its second season precisely because Miller and her other writers didn't know what they were doing. It is just possible, looking at the early third-season episodes, that they might have learned their lesson.
TVTropes calls this a Kudzu Plot; see also The Chris Carter Effect. I think it could be summed up a lot simpler by saying soap opera. Once a continuity-based series (as opposed to an episodic one) has crossed into soap opera territory, it is finished. All you're watching is hack writing intended only to keep the paychecks coming.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
So, I have rewritten the mission text, added a few small things, and made the maps smaller. The new version is live, overwriting the old version, so it has the same arc number.
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.
You may be wondering "Who are you? Why should we care about your secret?" I'm just a heroine with a story. Yes, it is based around my characters, but its not a "lookit me! I'm awsome!" story. Yes, it involves some of their origins, but its not an origin story. I know its a little weak in places, as well as appearing long (most can actually be done quite quickly), but please check it out.
As its story focused, running solo or with a team that's willing to let you take the time to read, as well as running the arcs in order, is probably best to understand what's going on. But even those don't tell everything. I have to keep some secrets up my sleeve. :3 Also, the defeat-alls are mostly on small maps.
Arc Name: A Minor Vexation
Author: @faldette
Publish Number: 1591
Description: Help Faldette recover some lost magic items. (Part 1 of Faldette's Secret)
Length: 5 missions (No Defeat Alls. One EB at the end.)
Arc Name: A Major Vexation
Author: @faldette
Publish Number: 1602
Description: Help Faldette track down Dr. Xanthem, leader of the Crey-wannabe Red Wind Industries. (Part 2 of Faldette's Secret)
Length: 4 Missions (No Defeat Alls, Multiple EBs near the end.)
Arc Name: Truth and Punishment
Author: @faldette
Publish Number: 140158
Description: "Yenth is requesting some help with a little problem regarding some otherworldly beings. Part 3 of Faldette's Secret"
Length: "Very Long" 5 missions (2 Defeat alls, 5 EBs)
Arc Name: Alone in the Mirror
Author: @faldette
Publish Number: 256711
Description: Faldette is concerned about the existence of her book in other dimensions, as it could end up in hands that are not so nice. Part 4 of Faldette's Secret.
Length: 5 missions (No defeat alls, No EBs, Standard mobs)
Arc Name: Vexing the Soul
Author: @faldette
Publish Number: 256812
Description: Faldette continues to search for the pages missing from her book, but odd situations begin to arise. Part 5 of Faldette's Secret.
Length: 4 missions (No defeat alls, No EBs)
Arc Name: Stronger than Water
Author: @faldette
Publish Number: 256852
Description: Concerned over Yenth's heritage, Ambrosius asks for you to investigate. A greater peril is revealed. Part 6 of Faldette's Secret.
Length: 5 missions (1 defeat all, No EBs)
There is a final part I'm working on, but I don't want to post it yet.
Shh... its a secret....
Faldette's Secret (ID 416248)
I has a doll.