I'd like it if you review my arc: #1152, The Doctor Returns. I've recently updated it with new custom enemies and pruned some unnecessary story elements.
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
If you would like, I would apreciate a review of my first arc, The King of Thieves part 1: All Hell's Breaking Loose. I don't have the arc ID here with me at work, but I will edit it in when I get home tomorrow morning.
Paragon Unleashed, Unleash Yourself!
OK, ready to do my first "official" review! 
*****
Arc Name: The Doctor Returns
Author: FredrikSvanberg
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Mission 1:
So, I begin the Arc, and find that the contact is "My Computer". This irks me immediately; this isn't the first MS Story Arc I've played that had "My Computer" or some variation thereof as the Arc Contact, and with these types of contacts it's always the same problem; there is some presupposition (however small) by the author of the arc about the player's character, and it can bother alot of players if those presumptions are incorrect. Moving on, I get an e-mail disguised as spam informing me that the forces behind AE Entertainment are using the system to make copies of Heroes based on their digital data. My mysterious contact invites me into a "hacked" AE mission, and I accept.
Inside the mission, I encounter some council... or computer-generated council enemies, as it were. Halfway into the mission, I encounter Fusionette, being accosted by AE Entertainment admins. Unfortunately, in the virtual world, ordinary AE Entertainment employees have superpowers. After freeing Fusionette, I continue on to find... a whole bunch of other Fusionettes; apparently, a whole bunch of data files copied from Fusionette's original file. On a side note, I notice that the dialog of all the Fusionettes are the same; normally, I would take points off for that, but seeing as how these Fusionettes are digital copies, it makes sense given the story. I defeat the Fusionette's along with the remaining Council, and mission complete.
Mission 2:
So, I read the intro dialog, and once again am irked somewhat. Apparently, the doctor (who is apparently also one of the author's characters in-game) "practically invented" the AE System, and then Crey stole it. Considering how close the author has stuck with the "canon" explanation of the AE system for this arc, this kind of non-canon boasting seems awkward. Anyway, the doctor has loaded special admin privileges into an otherwise ordinary AE mission, aptly titled "Kill All Bugz LOL!!!1".
I enter the mission, and notice that the only mission objective listed in the navigation window is "Just Ignore the Bugs /Doctor". While the mision objective was stated in the mission intro, it would be nice if the "secret back door" the player is supposed to find was also mentioned in the nav window, as well. Regardless, the titular "bugs" are actually just Arachnids, and I find some of them holding an "Executable Number Six" hostage. After freeing him, he informs me he's a friend of the doctor. and together we find the "secret back door" that gives me admin privileges. Mission complete.
Mission 3:
So, the doctor informs me that, now that I have admin powers, I can search the AE storage database for the hero files they're keeping in storage. To do that, I need to take out the admin who has the access key.
I enter the mission, and find... Freakshow. Freakshow? Yes, apparently AE has hired FREAKSHOW computer technicians. Even inside the virtual world, these freakshow are typing away at their laptops, maintaining the database. As I fight the Freakshow admin, two lines of dialog "No way you could hurt me! Are you haxxoring?" followed by "Only an admin can hurt me in here" seem to be out of order; it seems (to me, at least) that he should say the latter statement first, then the former. After defeating the admin, some AE Entertainment employees show up to stop me from accessing the hero files. After defeating each group, the original hero files snap out of some trance and run away. Side note, it would have been nice if the author changed the original descriptions of the heroes to fit into the story arc. With all the hero files freed, it's mission complete.
Mission 4:
The mission intro informs me that I'm going to be on a strict 60 minute time limit for this mission, which (along with the "Archvillain" warning that is now pre-set into AE story arcs) is one of the warnings every author should include in their story arcs. I'm to upload a file of the doctor (who is apparently a completely digital entity) into the AE Entertainment mainframe while to doctor's hacker friends keep the admins busy.
I enter the mission, and encounter lots of AE Entertainment employees and computers, Most of the computers are "intercepted" by AE technicians before I can upload the file, and some trigger an ambush by AE admins. In any case, I eventually find the right computer and upload the file. Mission complete.
Mission 5
Alright, it's time for the last mission, and the only thing left to do is cover our tracks and wipe out all digital footprints of our interference in the AE system.
I enter the mission, and encounter the first of two bosses... and get considerably irked as I read the dialog of the boss I'm fighting. Why am I so irked now? Because I have a pretty good idea of how this arc will end. After completing the mission, my suspicions are confirmed: pop-up dialog comes on the screen, informing me that the my "real" character has been trapped in a bad AE mission all this time, and the character I ran the mission with was just a "digital copy" who was erased when I wiped out all the files. With that, the story arc ends.
Final Thoughts:
Overall, this was a well-thought out arc; while it didn't fit my personal tastes, the premise was well-executed from start to finish. The storyline flowed nicely, and there were little to no grammar mistakes.
However, the contact bothered me throughout the arc, and just irritated me by the end. Rather than working together with the contact, it feels like your character was a pawn used by the contact to accomplish the doctor's own ends. The presumptions throught the arc (particularly at the end, where your character apparently just finished his or her "first" AE story arc, regardless of how many arcs your character has already finished) are also somewhat irritating.
If I had to give an exact score, I would probably rate this arc 2.5 stars, but as it is...
Final Score: 3 Stars 
*****
Alright, I still have 3 open spots left for review requests, so if anyone's interested, there's still time to join the first que!
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
The Doctor is a canon character, not an author insert. She figures significantly in Gordon Stacy's missions.
Executable Number Six is also a canon character.
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
[ QUOTE ]
The Doctor is a canon character, not an author insert. She figures significantly in Gordon Stacy's missions.
Executable Number Six is also a canon character.
[/ QUOTE ]
Ah, thanks Venture. I've never played any of Gordon Stacy's missions, so I have to apologize to FredrikSvanberg for incorrectly labeling that character. That bumps up Fredrik's arc to 3.0 stars, so it looks like I rated it correctly, after all
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Alright, even though he didn't make a formal request in this Thread, airhead did review my first arc, so as promised, here's my review of one of his arcs!
*****
Arc Name: Captain Dynamic, the Great, Faces the Great Face
Author: airhead
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Mission 1:
The first thing I notice is that Captain Dynamic, the main character from the live action "Mission Architect" tutorial videos is the contact for this arc. The author did a good job of re-creating Capt. Dynamic's likeness with the costume creator, though I (personally) never found Cap. Dynamic as funny as some of the other posters on this board. It's safe to say that with a contact like Cap. Dynamic, this story arc is probably going to be light-hearted and comedic, which seems to be the goal for most of the arcs I play. Whether the creator of the story arc achieves that goal is another matter, as I've played plenty of story arcs where the "comedy" falls flat. Hopefully, this won't be one of those arcs.
So, I read the intro dialog, and it seems that Cap. Dynamic and the Great Face (Captain Dynamic's arch-enemy) have finally gotten their story arc together, which is a nice tie-in from what they were trying to accomplish in the mission architect tutorial videos. Cap. Dynamic is going to use my character as a stand-in for himself, since my powers are "similar" to his own. Considering the fact that we never really see what Cap. Dynamic's powers are in the tutorial videos, there's no problem with this statement. I like the different text colors the author used to highlight the various plot points and mission objectives, it's a subtle but nice touch to the dialog.
So, I enter the first mission, and it's an auto-exemp to level 1 for all characters involved. Considering the mission is to "save the cat", thereby "saving the world" (a shout-out to NBC's "Heroes"), it's seems appropriate for a Level 1 hero. With no villains in sight, I unlock the "high-tech catbox" and the invisible cat jumps out and runs back to it's owner, a girl named "Mindy". As I try to make my way back through the mission, apparently a "badmobile" van is blocking my way, and I have to escort Mindy to the mission entrance before the evil villains figure out how to open the badmobile doors in such a confined space... did I mention this arc is light-hearted and comedic? I try to destroy the badmobile, but I can't attack it. I try to jump over it, but get stuck in the map geomotry. /Stuck to the rescue... and I'm back at the mission entrance, somehow. I find Mindy, escort her to the entrance, and mission complete.
Reading the return dialog text, Cap. Dynamic mentions Snakes, who apparently were supposed to be in the mission. It's probably a mission bug, so I won't hold it against the author.
Mission 2:
So, one of the snakes that I didn't fight in the last mission mentioned a "B.H", who Cap. Dynamic determines MUST be Archon Burkeholder of the Council. Apparently, he's planning to make the powerful yet cumbersome Rikti armor more flexible by using "techy taffy". As he sends me off, the mission dialog is interrupted by hackers from western Europe who like to use big, bold, red italicized letters calling themselves the "Euronators". These Euronators seem to be led by someone named "Captain Slippery".
So, I enter the mission, and immediately spot a Council minion who looks just like Cap. Dynamic. The description lists him as a normal Council minion, but from his dialog it's obviously a very confused Cap. Dynamic. After defeating the Council-Minion Dynamic, I turn the corner and see... more Council-Dyamics. Though their descriptions are the same as the Council minions they're listed as, the each have unique (and admittedly humorous) dialog, which is a nice touch. On a side note, alot of the dialog thusfar from the contact of this arc has seemed a bit out of character for Captain Dynamic, but these Dynamic-clones seem to have personalities much closer to the way Cap. Dynamic is portrayed in the tutorial videos.
So, halfway into the mission, I encounter the "Euronators" who were mentioned in the mission intro. Apparently, the Euronators are robots who do bad things to people who break the law. I like this custom group's overall design, though the descriptions of the individual robots are more or less identical save for the last sentence. I defeat the Euronators and find some Rikti in the back of the mission. I defeat the Rikti, and mission complete.
Mission 3:
Cap. Dynamic decides the only way to deal with the threat of the Euronators is to temporarily team up with his arch-enemy, Great Face. The intro dialog is soon hacked by the Euronators again, however, and I enter the mission.
Once inside, I find the Great Face being held prisoner by some Rikti. It's interesting to note that, unlike Cap. Dynamic, Great Face doesn't resmeble his tutorial video counterpart; rather, he appears as a Rikti with a darkened face. After freeing Great Face from the Rikti, he tells my character "not to read his E-Mails". Where are his E-Mails? Well, they're in recycle bins. Because in a compter... yes, I get it. Clever joke by the author, though to be honest I peronally didn't find the E-Mails themselves to be that funny. I do have to applaud the author, however, for adding one of the mission objectives in the nav windom as "KILL GREAT FACE" in the same big, bold, red letters the Euronators use. That was a nice touch. I make my way to the end of the mission, defeat the Rikti raid leader and Euronator robots, and... the mission's not over. I go back down, and find Great Face once again being held prisoner by Rikti. I free him again, and he tells me to go back up. Once back at the end of the mission, I find Captain Slippery, along wth a bunch of his Euronator robots. By the way, I didn't get the whole "Euronator = Urinator" joke until just now, so kudos to the author for pointing it out. I defeat Captain Slippery, and finsih the mission. Arc complete.
Final Thoughts:
I'll be honest: I really didn't know what I was going to rate this arc. My opinion of it literally changed from mission to mission. Usually, it's the little details (or lack thereof) that take away from my enjoyment of what, at it's core, is a good arc. This time, however, I found it was the little details (which were VERY well-done by the author) that added to the overall experience of what could have been just a mediocre arc.
The arc was well-written, the comedy was very well executed compared to the other "comedic" arcs I've played, and the small details (such as the colored font and the clever visual gags) really were the highlight of this arc in my opinion. However, the main storyline itself seemed to suffer at times, and the advancement of the plot seemed rushed in some places and slowed to a crawl in others. Also, the transition from beginning to end seemed forced and abrupt, which left me confused at times as to what was happening.
By the end of the arc, I was literally shifting between 3 stars and 4 stars every second. In the end, it was actually the very last dialog box that sealed this arc's score. If I had to give an exact score, this Arc would be 3.5 stars, but thanks to the nice conclusion the author wrote...
Final Score: 4 Stars
*****
Alright, I've still got 3 spots open for review requests! Any takers?
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Thanks Mirror Man for the great review! Everyone seems to get something completely different out of this, but you're the closest so far to my intent.
The first mission actually was bug-free. The snakes mission had somehow been supplanted by that save-the-cat level 1 mission, perhaps due to having too many architects involved, perhaps due to the hackers you learn about in the second mission. This mission was to set the scene that, when more than one architect (or hacker) is making changes inside an arc, the Contact is no longer in control of the storyline. Nonetheless, the toons inside the missions seem to know what's supposed to happen. If Mindy just had a bit more text space, I think I could get this across... I'll keep trying.
I hope you got to check out Mindy's description, so that mission made sense on some level It is actually possible to jump over the badmobile (I never thought of /stuck, nor gotten stuck, but I have now practiced this jump a lot). The badmobile sometimes spawns in a slightly less difficult place, but then you miss out on this unique objective.
The rest of the arc went according to plan, by the sounds of it. The emails aren't very funny, I was highlighting Great Face's whiny personality, and trying to explain it, so he'd be forgiveable... meh. I'll try to steer it back to "light and comedic" there. Contact Captain Dynamic is a bit too well written (making those outrageous leaps of logic), but then he has a whole team of writers. You found the one inside to be very different - great! Perhaps I can find better ways to indicate why.
The uppy-downy nature of the third mission is still something I'm trying to improve on. I don't want it to upset the pace of the arc. The main storyline becomes secondary to the Euronator storyline once that begins, but continues anyway since the Contact is oblivious. I might be attempting too much here for 3 missions, light comedy, but I'll go over your review a few times as I clean up what I have.
Cheers, airhead
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!
Alright, time for my next review
*****
Arc Name: The King of Thieves: Part 1 All Hell's Breaking Loose
Author: Blood_Spectre
Character Used: Level 30 Elec/Elec Brute
Mission 1:
The contact for this arc is King Midas, leader of the Goldbrickers faction which appears prominently in CoV. While he is mentioned several times in various canon missions involving the Goldbrickers, I don't believe there's an official NPC character of him (though if I'm wrong, I'm sure someone will correct me). Based on that assumption, the author did a good job creating a very believable likeness for King Midas here, complete with gold, sparkling skin. Talking to him, I'm met with a short intro dialog telling me that King Midas needs my help to take on the Skulls and Hellions, who are causing trouble for his Goldbrickers. Now, I know this arc is made for levels 1-54, and the Skulls and Hellions only go to Level 15 (if I'm not mistaken), so I suspect that another villain group is involved somehow.
I enter the mission, and my character is in fact met with Hellions... kind of. These are "Elite Hellions", and they're actually a VERY well designed custom enemy group. The costume desings are varied but never stray from theme, and the descriptions for each NPC are unique and detailed, rather than the usual "all the same except for the last sentence" descriptions I usually see for custom groups. More on the custom group later; I find a pretty challenging custom boss at the end of the map, and I get a clue from one of the Elite Hellions that says they're planning to blow up the PTS. After exiting the mission, I get a pop-up that says that I managed to make the Hellions talk, though I'm not sure if this pop-up is necessary or not; though I suppose it could remind players to check their clue list, I don't know.
Mission 2:
So, naturally, Midas needs my help to prevent the Hellions from blowing up the PTS. I enter the mission, and discover that the Elite Hellions are using magic to blow up the facility rather than conventional explosives. I have to banish 5 demons to prevent the explosion; in this case, 5 named bosses. I defeat all the demons, and find "a burnt parchmet" (I don't know whether or not the author meant to have the "a" in that clue capitalized or not), and the dialog King Midas gives after I complete the mission suggests that there's a demon within the mountain the PTS is built on.
Mission 3:
So, it looks like Arachnos has gotten involved, and Midas doesn't like that. Since Midas would rather handle this whole matter himself, he's going to set things up so that I kill an arbiter and make it look like the Hellions did it. All I have to do is plant a bomb on the Arachnos flyer the arbiter is riding.
I enter the mission, and am only met with 2 patrols of Elite Hellions. Planting the bomb (the author might want to consider making the "bomb" glowie translucent; it gives more of a sense that the player is "planting" the bomb on the flyer and not just interacting with a bomb that's already there), I turn around and am met with an "Arbiter Roman"! Again, very nice design by the author, though I'm a bit disappointed that Arbiter Roman's description isn't as detailed as the Elite Hellions. Nevertheless, I defeat her and the remaining Arachonos solders and complete the mission. I also get the name of a demon, "Belial", who appears to be the source of the Hellions newfound demonic powers. In the previous missions, I've face a named boss named "Bel", so I wonder if "Belial" is Bel's full name.
Mission 4:
Midas decides it's time to ask a group with more experience and knowledge of the arcane than the Golbrickers: the Circle of Thorns. Unfortunately, it seems the Hellions have the same idea, and Belial may want to strike a deal with them for help, or at least to stay out of their way. So, my character's going to have to go in and take what we need by force.
There are a number of objectives in the mission, along with a few spelling errors (on the "Scroll of Making" clue, I think by "atar" the author meant "altar", and on the "Handful of Sulfur" clue, I think "dem" should be "demon"). I don't take off points for spelling/grammar mistakes (unless they're rampant throughout the arc, and in this arc they're not); but I do point them out to authors so they can correct them. Nothing ruins a tense or dramatic clue in an arc quite like a typo, and I always appreciate it when a reviewer points out them out in my arcs. Anyway, at the end of the mission I encounter a new custom enemy, an ice demon named "Auriel". Once again, incredible costume design by the author, but like Arbiter Roman, not alot of detail in the description. After defeating Auriel and finding the last clue, I check over my clue list and realize that my character used the clues in the mission to construct a gold chain that will bind an archdemon.
Mission 5:
With the magical gold chain in our posession, we can now bind Belial. Midas states very clearly in the dialog that he wants the demon alive.
I enter the mission, expecting to enter a charred, burning forest, but instead am faced with just a normal forest. This is bit awkward, since in the intro dialog Midas mentioned how "Vagabond Hills was on fire", so I'm wondering why the author didn't use the Burning Forest map for this mission; it just seems very appropriate. After defeating a few groups, I finally find Belial, I'm guessing an Archvillain (I'm not playing on the highest difficulty) turned Elite Boss. I carefully wittle down the Elite Hellions surrounding him before moving on to Belial himself. He's a very challenging enemy, and I end up using almost all my inspirations defeating him. Mission complete, and I turn over the subdued Belial to King Midas.
Final Thoughts:
First of all, I have to point out that the "Elite Hellions" are one of the most well-designed custom groups I've encountered in an AE story arc. In all, I counted 4 custom minions, 1 custom lieutenant, 1 custom boss, and 1 custom archvillain. The author wisely chose to make the minions the most varied in the group, since making more lieutenants and bosses than minions (or in some arcs I've played, making no minions at all) is one of the things that alot of authors seem to do, not realizing that minions are the ones who will likely show up more than any other custom character they create, making them the most in need of diversity. Still, (and this is just a suggestion), it would have been nice to have at least one more lieutenant in the group, making the Elite Hellions have a nice 4-2-1-1 heirarchy of characters. I'm not sure how much space the author has left in the arc, but since I15 the amount of storage space has effectively "increased" (I know they found better ways to compress the files, but the result is same).
I'll be honest: In my opinion, all this arc needs is a little bit of tweaking and it'll be a solid 5-star arc. The only major problem I had was Belial's introduction to the arc: He's first mentioned at the end of Mission 3, said to be meeting with the CoT in Mission 4 (though the CoT only appear very briefly at the end of the mission), and then you have to fight him in Mission 5. If the author mentioned Belial a little earlier, it wouldn't have felt like I was being rushed into a boss fight at the end of the arc. Even just mentioning Belial in passing (say, for example, have a patrol in the first mission mention Belial's name) would have been better than the "Hey, there's this really bad dude named Belial who you have to watch out for and look there he is go fight him" feeling I had at the end of the arc. Now, if the author DID mention Belial earlier and I just missed it, I owe Blood_Spectre an apology, but as it stands that's my only major problem with this arc, along with the small details I've already mentioned in this review.
That being said, I have to mention Blood_Spectre's custom characters one last time. Even though they aren't my personal taste, they were the highlight of the arc for me. I'd gladly play another arc that has custom characters designed by this author. A solid 4.0 stars.
Final Score: 4 Stars
*****
Alright, since I've finished all the people who've requested a review thusfar in this Thread, I'm opening it up again. Anyone who wants their arc reviewed, feel free to request it 
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Thanks for the review Mirror Man!
Some of my thought process on your comments.
Thanks for pointing out my typos, I worked really hard to correct them, but most of my friends left the game lately, so I am sort of working without a net. I'll fix the ones you noted.
I didn't see an option for making glowie objectives translucent, but if I could figure out how this was done, I would make that change.
Nobody is angrier over the lack of the burning forest than I am. When I wrote the arc, that was the map that I used. Unfortunately, it was later pulled down for no reason that was ever explained, and my arc ended in "Ruined Atlas". After much grousing, I settled on the regular forest map, as it has the same lay out, just no fire. I didn't change the dialogue because I hope that one day I'll get the map I wrote a story for back.
Belial is not an Archvillain. He caps out as an Elite Boss with Dual Blades and Fiery Armor power sets. His Blade skills are set to extrreme, so he will use combos, but the AI is kind of too dumb for it to be a factor. He does call down a lot of ambushes throughout the battle though, so it's my hope that he proved a fitting challenge for the end of the arc.
You're comments on my Elite Hellions are very kind. If you ever want to try part 2, you will find the Elite Skulls are designed with a similliar style. I'd have liked to add a second LT, but as designed, the Elite Hellions take up a lot of space, and the arc is already at 97-98%. Of course, I'm not sure if the I15 changes give me enough space or not.
With Belial, I kind of wanted to paint an aura of mystery around him. You read the Hellion info and you get the idea that there are these new, more powerful creatures gathering on the island, and that it would take a monstrous will to keep them all in check. But no indication as to who or what their master might be. If he weren't so arrogant, you might never have known. But as you face his minions they drop his name. And unlike a more reserved archdemon, he doesn't take care to guard himself from rituals that can bind him. So that's how it comes to pass that you find yourself in combat with him so soon after you learn his name.
Also, glad you liked my take on Midas. He was a tough design with no visual reference, but it's my hope that he looks the part. Thanks for the review again!
Paragon Unleashed, Unleash Yourself!
I won't have time to run one of yours for a day or two, so I'll just sit back and watch your thread for a bit, but fair warning, I'll be begging a review for The Consequences of War (arc #s noted in my signature) once I do.
The SOLUS Foundation - a Liberty and Pinnacle SG
"The Consequences of War" - Arcs # 227331 and 241496
[ QUOTE ]
You're comments on my Elite Hellions are very kind. If you ever want to try part 2, you will find the Elite Skulls are designed with a similliar style. I'd have liked to add a second LT, but as designed, the Elite Hellions take up a lot of space, and the arc is already at 97-98%. Of course, I'm not sure if the I15 changes give me enough space or not.
[/ QUOTE ]
The I15 changes gave all my arcs about 15-20% more storage space, so if it's the same for you then you shouldn't have a problem fitting in at least one more custom enemy if you want.
If the Elite Skulls are designed as well as the Elite Hellions, then I'd definitely run your 2nd arc. I hope my first arc was interesting enough for you to want to run my 2nd arc, too
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
[ QUOTE ]
Nobody is angrier over the lack of the burning forest than I am. When I wrote the arc, that was the map that I used. Unfortunately, it was later pulled down for no reason that was ever explained, and my arc ended in "Ruined Atlas". After much grousing, I settled on the regular forest map, as it has the same lay out, just no fire. I didn't change the dialogue because I hope that one day I'll get the map I wrote a story for back.
[/ QUOTE ]
It was pulled because is had spawn points the were unreachable, so that people couldn't complete missions. The Crey Lab with the heroes in pods was pulled at the same time, for the same reason. They will be put back when they are fixed, but that can take a while, because there are a lot of maps like that and the Devs seem to be focused on GR right now.
Justice Blues, Tech/Tank, Inv/SS
----------------------
Fighting The Future Trilogy
----------------------
Mind Reviewing my 5-mission long one?
The Ballad of Murky Thecat - Arc ID #77311
Thanks!
Take Care,
BinkDeBook
Virtue: CaptainMayhem-50 Inv/SS Tank; NaomiArmitage-50 DM/Inv Scrap; Captn Randomizer-50 MC/Kin Cntrller; Murky Thecat-50 Claws/SR Scrap; Professor Junk-50 Bots/Traps MM; +Others Arc Id #77311, #227436
Alright, since airhead reviewed my 2nd arc, my next review is another one of airhead's arcs
*****
Arc Name: The Amazing Rat Race
Author: Airhead
Character Used: Level 35 BS/Invuln Scrapper
Mission 1:
So, the contact for this story arc is a man named Rat Race. Apparently, my character should immediately trust him because he's "worked with people who've worked with Statesman" in the past. The mission intro isn't exactly clear, but apparently Rat Race wants someone named "Fairgo". Alright, I gues.
I enter the mission, and it's empty save for a computer. On the computer is Fairgo's employee record, and apparently he's done been embezzling money and selling secrets to Aeon. After that, some "Crey Janitors" show up, along with a destructible "lever" item. The description says... it's a lever. Destroying it, I encounter some "Ratters" accosting Fairgo. The designs of the "Ratters" are decent, but the descriptions are all the same. After defeating the Ratters, I talk briefly with Fairgo and find out his superpower is the ability to... make people feel good. Anyway, I lead him two feet to the mission entrance, and mission complete.
Mission 2:
So, it turns out that Farigo is actually an innocent party and the evil culprit is actually Rat Race, the contact. However, we're still going to work with Rat Race so we can keep an eye on him and mess up his plans. Rat Race's next evil plot is to get Fairgo at the "Villa Orfano", the oprhanage where he lives.
I enter the mission, and am met with Level 29 Family, presumably the highest level Family can go. The author might want to consider using the new "Mission Parameter" options in the level designer to lower this mission's level appropriately. However, the Family "Molls" that guard the orphanage con even level with my character. The designs of the "Molls" are nicely in line with the rest of the Family, though their descriptions only change the last sentence of the standard Family description. I have to point out that a couple non-required destuctable objects, "Toy Boxes" and "Fireworks", had hilarious descriptions. There's a custom Family Boss, "Matron Holicapo", towards the end of the mission that has a nice design, but lacks a detailed descrption like the other custom characters in this arc. I eventually find some boxes with Fairgo's files in them... the author might want to consider replacing the boxes with a computer or a file cabinet, unless there's a reason why the files are in boxes that I'm missing. Anyway, the files point out a "Suctin Veterans Clinic" where I might be able to find out more information on Fairgo. Mission complete.
Mission 3:
So, it turns out that Rat Race has finally realized my character's potential, and is offering me the chance of a lifetime: be a Rat Cage Cleaner. The lifestyle of the few and the proud, or at least of the few. Fortunately, my character wisely decides to check out "Suctin Veterans Clinic" instead.
I enter the mission and am met with a whole mish-mash of different enemy groups. The only common trait amongst the enemies is that they're all quantum or void hunters. If I was playing a Peacebringer or Warshade, I'd be having a heart attack right now. Fortunately, my scrapper is able to make it through the mission with little trouble, and at the end I find a "Middle-aged Nurse". Hoping to get more information, I look up her description... and am met with the generic text all hostages have. Defeating the enemies accosting her, I apparently get her phone number. Hopefully that will come into play later. The nav bar says there's an intruder in the lobby, so I make my way down and find Fairgo being held hostage again. I free him, and lead him two feet to the door... again. Fairgo now knows he came from Laos, so I just have to... wait, what? I check my clues, and apparently sometime between freeing the nurse and leading Fairgo out the nurse called me and let me know about Fairgo's past. Why couldn't she do that when I rescued her? What was the point of witholding that information for the 30 seconds it took me to walk downstairs? Anyway, with Fairgo safely out it's mission complete.
Mission 4:
Rat Race has decided to give me a second chance to help him in his personal vendetta against Fairgo. He's sent a whole bunch of Ratters to Laos, where he hopes to get Fairgo and his family in one swoop. Fortunately, he's sending my character to Laos as well to make sure the job gets done. Off I go to save Fairgo's family.
I enter the forested area the mission is set in only to find it crawling with Ratters. Normally this wouldn't be so bad, but the Ratters aren't a very diverse custom group. though given their theme it admittedly makes sense. As I make my way through the mission, I find some "friendly" Ratters who want to help Fairgo, though their appearance and descriptions are no different than the "non-friendly" Ratters I'm fighting. I find Fairgo's mother, who says that someone named "Pha Xiong" let Ratters eat her husband. I also find two "Ratrix" bosses on the map, who I have to defeat to complete the mission. However, by this time I have so many Ratter allies that I literally don't have to attack at all to defeat the bosses. I find Fairgo himself, and finally defeat Pha Xiong, who actually has a unique (and funny) description. His dialog is equally hilarious. Mission complete.
Mission 5:
With Fairgo safe and reunited with his family, the only thing left to do is bring Rat Race to justice.
I enter the mission, and surprisingly Rat Race appears as an ally. I defeat a few Ratters, pull up his employment file, complete the mission and... wait, what? I check my clues; no new clues, just mission complete. Rat Race is still an ally, but wait! My map shows me I have to lead Rat Race to the entrance. I do so, and Rat Race finally becomes an enemy boss. Unfortunately, he's not a very challenging boss, and after defeating him I leave the mission. I can't help but notice the final dialog box has a list of other people who've reviewed the arc.
Final Thoughts:
I'll start with the positive. There were little to no spelling/grammar mistakes in this arc, and the humor (as always with this author) was of the highest caliber I've found in any AE story arcs. Indeed, the comedy ended up being the only thing that saved what could have been a disaster (see below).
However, I personally found a number of flaws throughout the arc; most were small, but a few were very signifcant to the arc:
First of all, the Ratters. They're a decent custom group as long as they're mixed into a mission that's comprised mostly of other enemy group(s), but by themselves (i.e. in the 4th mission) I found they just didn't have enough diversity or detail to carry a mission. I got the impression that the author was going for a "truckload of rats" theme, and if that's true than the author succeeded in the 4th mission, but I'm just saying that personally I found that the whole "1 minion, 1 lieutenant, and 1 boss all with the same description" custom group boring and repetitive.
Second of all, the 3rd mission. I joked earlier in my review that if I were a Peacebringer or Warsharde I would have a heart attack upon entering the 3rd mission, but the truth is that (from what I could tell) the only way a Peacebringer or Warshade could POSSIBLY complete the 3rd mission is if they're in a group or they stealthed it, neither of which fits the "solo-friendly" detail this arc is tagged with. Furthermore, unless I'm missing something, there's really no reason WHY the 3rd mission has to be filled with quantums and voids; in fact, it's never mentioned again in the arc. Now, I could be off-base and the author has a VERY good reason why the 3rd mission has the enemies it does, I'm just saying that I don't see it.
Finally, there are a few things in the arc that just simply confuse me. Why does the player have to lead Fairgo to the door in the 1st mission? Why doesn't the nurse just tell you about Fairgo's parents instead of giving you her phone number and calling you almost immediately afterwards? Why do you have to lead Rat Race to the enrance of the last mission before you can fight him? Now, maybe I missed some crucial details, or there are some bugs in this arc that appeared when I15 hit the servers, but as it stands I just can't understand these decisions made by the author.
All that being said, I have to point out again that the comedy was definitely the highlight of this arc. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the humorous clues and dialog are what single-handedly saved an arc that by all other accounts was 2-stars. I still have yet to find a more humorous MA author than airhead, and for that reason alone this arc gets:
Final Score: 3 Stars
*****
Alright, it looks like I have some more requests in this thread, so be sure to post your reviews of my arc(s) in my other thread, and I'll get to your arcs as soon as possible!
Anyone else who wants their arcs reviewed are welcome, as always!
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Dang! Another quality review. I won't say 'great review', it's not great having all of your arc's warts hung out to dry. [horribly mixed metaphor]. But it's quality. It's exactly what I needed. I got a lot of work ahead of me to fix this up.
1. Try to give player clearer heroic incentive going into first mission.
2. Vary description (and perhaps appearance) of ratters. There's actually 2 minions, black and brown, but yeah, vary more. I'm out of space but I think I have an idea how to add more. 4th mission is meant to be a "sea" of them.
3. Mission 1 is not an escort, that is the weirdest thing. It has never been an escort, Fairgo gets himself out. Unless you just happened to get there at the same time (which would feel a bit like that Captain Dynamic arc).
4. Family is bugged in the middle of their supposed level range. I'd heard about this, never seen it, should have looked. I will lock the upper level limit to 29. That also fits with the nature of the task.
5. Add detailed description to Matron Holicapo. Perhaps Molls too.
6. Indicate why orphanage has a crappy (pile of boxes) filing system.
7. Give nurse a real description.
8. Make Void/Nictus/crystal connection much clearer (give relevance to that mission).
9. Peacebringers and Warshades get the "Kheldian" warning in the Arc Description - Make this more obvious.
10. Reorder mission 3: Rescue Fairgo and then nurse. I've been kicking myself about that, I'll hurry up and fix it.
11. Mission 5 entry pop-up highlighted what happens with the ally/betrayal. I will make it more obvious with an objective listing more than one option!
12. The potential for allies to overwhelm the EB is intentional to support squishy players, you can choose to abandon any of them.
The final objective is a choice, not all heroes subscribe to revenge. The villain is just a boss, since I want it to be possible to have the ratters take him out (should the player determine that method provides poetic justice), and so low level players can beat him up (if they choose). Reducing the upper level to 29 fits here too.
Any comments on the Souvenir? Irritating or interesting?
So I got lots of work, and a middling rating, but I look at the potential: I get to fix (hopefully) all the major problems in one go! Thanks, airhead
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!
[ QUOTE ]
So I got lots of work, and a middling rating, but I look at the potential: I get to fix (hopefully) all the major problems in one go! Thanks, airhead
[/ QUOTE ]
No problem, airhead, glad to be of help
I didn't get a look at the souvenir yet, but I'll do so when I log on later and let you know what I think
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Alright, I was busy yesterday, but I'm ready today with my next review!
*****
Arc Name: The Ballad of Murky Thecat
Author: BinkDeBook
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Mission 1:
The contact for this arc is a custom character named Kaysa Thecat. Her design is okay, and based on her name I'm sure she has some kind of connection to Murky Thecat, the main focus of this arc, which will be explored later. Talking to the contact reveals that Carnies have been breeding cats for sale as prizes in goldfish toss contests, and I have to beat up the Carnies, along with their "guard dogs", to save them.
...
OK, I'm going to assume that this is a comedic arc. I enter the mission, and am met with ALOT of Carnies. The "guard dogs" mentioned in the mission intro are actually Council Warwovles. All of the enemies are labeled "Cat Breeders", which was a nice touch by the author. Unfortunately, it takes a LONG time to find my first "Kitten" in the huge outdoor map; I'm going to give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume that the "Kittens" are supposed to be suspended in big green gas balls, but due to the bug from I15 are now just cowering from their captors. Regardless of whether this is true or not, the author might want to consider switching the "Kittens" to the "Energy Field" animation until "Floating Struggle" is fixed, so it's easier for players to find them. I save my first kitten, and she thanks me as I- wait, what? These kittens can talk? Are they magic kittens? Are they the results of experimentations gone horribly wrong? The description on the Kitten certainly doesn't give me any answers. After finding the other Kittens, as well as a chest containing "adoption papers" for Murky Thecat, my nav bar instructs me to find Murky Thecat herself. After another LONG search, I finally find Murky, and easily free her from her captors. Based on Murky's dialog and the mission complete dialog, it looks like my character has adopted Murky.
Mission 2:
It seems that there was a "no-pet" clause in my rental agreement, and now my landlord is calling in security to evict me from my apartment. I have to defeat the police and steal the original rent agreement so I'm not kicked out on the street.
...Wait, what?
OK, let's just say that for the duration of this arc my character is living in an apartment, and isn't ready to leave anytime soon. I enter the mission, and find some Crey Agents, which have been labeled "Apartment Security" for the duration of this mission. Again, nice touch by the author. The first thing I have to do is meet up with Murky, which is easy enough. Then I have to find the rent agreement, which is also surprisingly easy (and quick, especially considering the last mission). Mission Complete.
Mission 3:
So, I've saved myself from eviction, but Murky has grown bored with the indoor life. She wants my character to take her to the park so she can get some fresh air.
...Seriously. That's the mission. "Take Murky to the Park".
The mission outro warns of "interesting characters" in the park, so I enter the mission and am met with... Tuatha and Red Caps. Well, those ARE some interesting characters for a park, though maybe par for the course in Paragon City. My first objective is to find Murky... again. Luckily, this map isn't as large as the last outdoor map, so I find her a bit quicker. After freeing her from he Red Cap captors, my nav bar instructs me to find and destroy... a "Suburban Talisman". OK, I'm not sure what a "Suburban Talisman" is, but I'm sure the author has a funny, wacky description for it, and it'll tie in nicely with the rest of the arc. After a short time, I find the Suburban Talisman, check the description, which says: "This is a suburban talisman".
...
Alright, we might not know immediately what the Suburban Talisman is or why these "Suburban Park Dwellers" are worshipping it, but I'm sure that will all be explained later. I defeat the Talisman (which apparently talks and is able to call for backup) and complete the mission.
Mission 4:
So, it's time for Murky's annual checkup, but since our normal vet's not available, my character is bringing Murky to a new doctor.
...Um... OK?
I enter the mission... and it's another outdoors map. I check my nav bar, and once again my only objective listed is to find Murky. I turn the corner, and encounter a custom enemy group: "Nurses". The design is alright, but they all have the same description, and there's minimal difference in apparance between the minions and the lieutenants. Also, I only counted 1 minion and 1 lieutenant design each. Throughout the WHOLE MAP. Every once in a while I do encounter a custom boss, "Vet Tech"... but the vast majority of the map is the same model of minions and lieutenants, with 1 description for the minions and 1 descriptions for the lieutenants. I found myself fight the same mob so many times that I was actually able to memorize their descriptions. The description of all the minons is: "Who would agree to be a nurse intern for a backalley doctor. I guess these gals have no dignity". And the description of all the lieutenants is: "I don't know, but if my nurse had one eye I'd be worried". After slogging through the mission for more time than I care to remember, I finally find Murky again. Now my nav bar gives me a new objective "Defeat the Doctor". After siome more time, I finally find the doctor at the back of the map, and elite boss. His full description reads "This is the doctor, he's mean and he's unclean". I defeat the Doctor, but with his last breath he tells me that it's "too late for Murky". I now have a clue titled "Murky Feels Tired", and in the mission outro, Kaysa says that Murky doesn't look too good.
Mission 5:
So, Murky has to be rushed to the hospital, and it falls upon me to defeat the deadly disease she has. To save Murky, I have to fight Murky's disease.
...Alright... I'm... I'm just going to go with this...
I enter the mission expecting to be sent to a map that's symbollic of Murky's body, but instead I'm sent to a dark hospital. My nav bar instructs me to find "3 Clean Bills of Health" and "Defeat the Cancerous Sarcoma". Alright, I'm... not sure exactly HOW I'm helping Murky by doing all this, but I go ahead and look for any "Clean Bills of Health" I might find. I run into some "Hospital Workers", who are actually Praetorian minions (complete with their original descriptions), but make quick work of them and find all 3 "Clean Bills of Health" in the same room. At the top floor, I find the "Cancerious Sarcoma" himself. Desperate for some information about who or what the "Cancerious Sarcoma" is and how defeating him will help Murky, I check his decription, which reads: "The ultimate baddy, but he can be defeated".
...
OK, I give up. I defeat the Cancerious Sarcoma (along with the "Nurses" custom enemy group surrounding him) and complete the mission. Kaysa tells me that Murky is all better in the final mission outro. Arc Complete.
Final Thoughts:
Alright, here we go... the good points first. This arc had almost no spelling/grammar mistakes, and I get the distinct feeling that the author was going for "wacky comedy" with this story arc (though I could be wrong).
HOWEVER...
First of all, the contact for this arc, Kaysa. Who is she? What's her relationship with Murky? Why is she the contact for this arc? None of these questions are answered, or even explored, during the course of this story arc. It would be nice if the author could work her into the story arc somewhere, or at least have her introduce herself a little bit at the beginning of the arc.
Secondly, the storyline itself. As far as I can tell, the entirety of the story arc amounts to your character having wacky hijinks with Murky, with the final two missions actually putting Murky in some danger, which could have been a nice conclusion to the arc, EXCEPT...
Thirdly, the final mission. What, exactly, was my character DOING to make Murky well? The "Clean Bills of Health" make sense to a degree, but who or what was the "Cancerous Sarcoma"? An actual cancerous growth Murky had? Were we insider her body in the last mission, like I first thought? If so, why were the "Nurses" and "Hospital Workers" there? I have no idea, but I do have some suggestions as to how the author can make this clearer (see below).
Fourthly, there were many things throughout the arc I just didn't understand. In the first mission intro, Kaysa tells the player that the Carnies are breeding kittens for sale, but then the player learns that these "Kittens" can walk and talk, suggesting that they're not normal cats. If that's the case, what are they? In the thrid mission, the player goes into a weird "suburban" area, and destroys a "Suburban Talisman" without any idea what it is or why the Tuatha and Red Caps are praying to it. And the descriptions of the custom mobs and mission objectives give little to no information to the player; it would be REALLY nice to have those fleshed out more.
And finally, Murky herself. We never find out anything about the character the arc revolves around other than the fact that she likes to do cat-like things and has crazy adventures. Oh, and she was bred by the Carnies, and gets saved by our character.
Look... I'm not sure what the author was going for in this arc. I may be wrong, but it seems like this is the kind of arc that the author would run with friends and SG-mates that know the author's character and want to have said crazy adventures with her. If that's the case (and I'm sure the author will correct me if it isn't), then that's fine. Keep it the way it is, and only run it with your in-game and out-of-game friends. But I wouldn't suggest asking people who don't know your characters or know you personally to run this arc if that's the route you're taking.
If however, you want this arc to appeal to everyone, even if they don't know you, there IS potential for that to happen. It's going to take alot of time and work, however. I've made alot of suggestions that I honestly believe will help improve your arc; you can decide whether you want to actually implement them or not. However, I'd also suggest running your arc by other posters (there's a list of reviewers stickied to the first page of these boards), and getting THEIR feedback to your arc, as well. Hopefully, they'll give you helpful suggestions. Then, after running it by 5 - 10 reviewers (more or less; it's up to the author, of course), take all the feedback you've gathered and see if you can use it to improve your arc; how much (or little) you change is always up to you.
All that being said, if you DO make changes to your arc in the future, I would like to play it again and see if my opinion of it has changed. Your arc has potential; it just (in my opinion) hasn't been realized yet. I know that this arc can be a 4 or 5 star arc with enough time and effort, and I hope I can give it that score in the future, but right now...
Final Score: 2 Stars 
*****
Alright, this thread is still open to anyone who wants to request reviews!
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
I played:
----------
The Galactic Protectorate - 01 --> 47143
Character Used: Level 42 SS/INV Tanker - (No IO's all SO's)
Challenge level: 4
Review follows:
Technical:
-----------
Grammar: No spelling errors or typos (but I myself use a spellchecker; but nothing jumped out in that respect)
Map Selection: Good, varied, fit the story.
Mission Objectives: Also good. They serve the story and allow you to receive more details if you read the clues.
Overall Impreession of the Story: Nicely thought out. He even gives you hints that intimate things may NOT be as they seem as you speak with Synapse.
Custom Group: Here's where for me, the design and execution falters a bit. The look of the Customs is great, the descriptions fit, and they are somewhat varied; BUT in combo/concert they are (imo) INSANELY tough. Two main healers, a MM (with only one Bot though); a debuffer that can also heal, and a controller (this is often a MOB group makeup) made for some very long and at times redious fights. Again, I can tell a lot of work and thought went into their creation, but I had a 15 minute fight (using the mission door to survive and regroup) with 4 minions and one LT. I DID finish the arc, but the 3 missions took me 2 1/2 hours to complete, and I was trying to AVOID combat to just do the objectives.
Also, a couple of minor story nitpicks:
After mission 2, when you come back with a lot (and I mean a lot of clues and info, Synapse has the nerve to say: "That's all they had?" (imo) - SHEESH!
On mission 3, Synapse states he wants you to go to a computer and type up a false report RE: Maticore (who you're freeing); and the purpose is so 'Lord Cosmic' believes Maticore was executed as ordered. Now, this may be overly nit-picky, but given that it's a Paralell dimensuion that your character has scant knowledge of, perhaps it would be better if Synapse GAVE you a pre-written report that he wanted downloaded onto the computer.
My final rating: 3 Stars ( Some of the combat was so tedious, I thought about gving it 2 stars because of (imo) the overpowered Customs; but it's obvious a LOT of work and thought did go into this. If it were me, though; I'd consider reworking the Customs so you had one main healer, and either a debuffer or a controller mixed in, but I have a feeling this arc is close to the filesize limit).
Again, I did like the setup, and what I experienced of the story.
So, with all that said, I'd like to request a review of my Arc:
Is it Live or is it Memory-X (Arc ID: 70210) when you have a chance.
Thanks,
Thanks for the review, Armsman, though I'd like to remind you (and everyone else) that this thread is for MY reviews of OTHER people's arcs; reviews of MY arcs go in this thread
About my custom group, I notice you were playing at Challenge Level 4; that, to be honest, is the WORST level to fight this particular custom group at. The group is designed to have excellent synergy with each other, and Challenge Level 4 not only spawns large mobs, but large mobs at higher levels than the player's character. To be honest, you probably would have had an easier time with Challenge Level 5. Higher levels, sure, but less in each mob; and I know from experience how much of a difference that makes
But thanks for the review again, Armsman, I'll review your arc either tonight or tomorrow!
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Alright, another day, another review!
*****
Arc Name: Is it Live or is it Memory-X?
Author: Armsman
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Mission 1:
The contact for this arc is Citadel, which is actually a nice change of pace from the usual custom character contacts I run into. Citadel tells me that the 5th Column are robbing the 1st National Bank on Talos Island, and it's up to me to stop them. I accept the mission, and the the send-off dialog informs me that the matter is urgent, and I have 15 minutes to stop - wait, 15 minutes? I check my nav bar, and sure enough, the clock is already ticking. It would be nice if the author warns the player BEFORE accepting a mission about any tme limits a mission might have.
I enter the mission (a bank map, naturally), and make my way through. The mission is a defeat all, but since it's a small map there's really no trouble clearing the mission. The final boss at the end of the map drops an encrypted 10-gigabyte flash drive which Citadel says he may be able to access in the mission outro.
Mission 2:
So, it turns out Citadel can't completely break the flash drive's security; from what he can tell, the 5th Column's trying to create a new artificial intelligence system, and will be raiding a Crey facility to acquire a prototype CPU. On a side note, I like the nice use of text colors in the mission dialog and clues that the author uses.
I enter the mission, and have only two objectives: "Find Copy of Nano-Decryption Firmware", and "Destroy Nano-Hal 9000 CPU". Throughout the map, the 5th Column battles with Crey, which was a nice touch by the author. There are alot of computers to search throughout the map, most of which don't have the information we're looking for. After some time, I find the required compter and destroy the mainframe, completing the mission.
Mission 3:
Citadel informs me that the 5th Column already developed a Memory-X A.I. system sometime ago, and are building another one to interact with the first and fix some "problems" with it. Fortunately, it appears they lost the location of the original Memory-X A.I. system, so my character's being sent to an abandoned 5th Column lab to download the data we need before the 5th Column gets to it.
Inside the abandoned lab, I look through many terminals (why are the terminals Arachnos computers?) until I finally find the 4 I'm looking for. After completing the first objective, my nav bar instructs me to "Find and Free Citadel", who is being held captive by a custom group named "Memory-X". More on the custom group later, as I free Citadel and escort him to the entrance, completing the mission.
Mission 4:
As it turns out, the Citadel that I rescued in the last mission was the REAL Citadel, and the Citadel that has been assigning me missions until now was actually a fake replicant designed by this "Memory-X" A.I. system. Apparently, the Memory-X system was developed by the 5th Column to create replicants of various world leader and other important figures. However, the Memory-X system has gone rogue, and is now trying to sever it's bonds with the 5th Column. Luckily, Citadel has detected several energy signatures matching the "Memory-X" robots in a new Portal Corps. facility, and wants me to investigate.
I enter the mission, and begin making my way through the map, which is filled with the custom group "Memory-X"; my nav bar tells me I have 2 hostages to save. I run into a few custom bosses, who for some reason are labeled "All Custom Characters" (I'm assuming this is a mistake on the part of the author). Halfway through the mission, I encounter Statesman, who seems to have been taken hostage. After rescuing him, I notice my nav bar still tells me I have 2 hostages to rescue, though my map is instructing me to bring Statesman to the entrance. When we reach the entrance, however, Statesman reveals himself as a replicant and attacks my character. As it turns out, the replicant Statesman is alot weaker than the real Statesman, and my character's able to defeat him fairly easily. Back at the end of the mission, I find "The President of the United States", and rescue him from his captors. The President shows me where the "Teleportation Control Computer" is, and after securing it,I complete the mission. The mission outro incorrectly labels this as "Part 3" of the arc.
Mission 5:
Using the information from the Teleportation Control Computer, Citadel is able to determine that the Memory-X A.I. system is operating in an abandoned Rikti facility on the moon. Citadel sends me to destroy the Memory-X system and rescue any hostages while he and the rest of the Freedom Phalanx rounds up all the replicants the Memory-X system has made on Earth.
Inside the mission (caves-to-Rikti map, which I guess makes sense considering we're supposed to be below the moon's surface), I find 5 hostages (all of which have the "Default" description; the author might want to consider changing that) and destroy 5 A.I. Processor Modules. I also find Backalley Brawler halfway through the map, who helps out. After completing the inital objectives, my nav bar instructs me to defeat "The Master Builder", who looks similar to the custom bosses from earlier, and even has the "All Custom Characters" label they did. Anyway, I defeat the "Master Builder", and complete the mission. Arc Complete.
Final Thoughts:
Overall, this was a very well thought out arc. The plot flows nicely from beginning to end, there's a bit of a twist halfway through, and the arc has a decent conclusion. The dialog and clues are well-executed throughout the arc, and I enjoyed the text coloring, which highlighted the plot points and important details throughout the arc. The storyline, while not exactly my personal taste, was well-executed, and there were little to no spelling/grammar mistakes.
However, there were some small problems which took away from my overall enjoyment of the arc.
The lack of a warning in the first mission regarding a time limit. I've said it before, but I personally think that time limits (like AV battles) should be one of the things that the author warns the player about before he/she accepts a mission. Interestingly, the author DOES warn the player about the time limit... after the player has accepted the mission, and the clock's already ticking. Unless there's a resaon for this that I'm not seeing, it should be easy for the author to correct this.
Also, I found the descriptions on most of the mission objectives/hostages to be lacking throughout the arc. Most of the time, the author just stuck with the default descriptions, which at times (particularly with the American Diplomat) just confused me.
As for the custom goup, Memory-X; I liked the overall design, though the descriptions really only explained the powersets of each enemy had and not much else; though, given the nature of the "Memory-X" robots, I suppose that makes sense. The bosses and "The Master Builder" seem to be mislabeled in "All Custom Characters", so the author might want to fix that.
Despite the few flaws, I have to say that this was a pretty enjoyable arc, and seems like it would fit right in with some of the Dev-designed arcs already in the game.
Final Score: 4 Stars
*****
Alright, anyone else who wants to request a review, please feel free to post
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
^^^^^
Thanks very much for the review. (and sorry for posting my review of yiou arc in the wrong thread - I guess I suck at reading comprehension.)
As to the timer in Mission One; you're definitely not the first to comment on that, but I kind of like teh 'shock value'. That said, i know 'time is of the essence' is definitely not a clear indication of 'Timed Mission Ahead'; but it is something I am finally considering being more up front about.
As to the 'All Custom Characters' - I need to look into that because I did re-do the 'Memory-X' custom group's powers (made them all custom selections to try and get the balance I wanted with them); and I guess in re-saving them something changed, although it's strange in that I checked my Enemy Group Selections in missions 3, 4 and 5; and the all are corectly pointing to 'Memory-X' and th 'Memory-X' group still has all the custom Mobs it should, ad they all have the custom power selections I gave them; so chalk this up to an undocumented change in I15 - but I definitely do need to try and correct this.
As for Mission 4 incorrectly labeled as 'Part 3'; I consider the very first mission (the Bank Heist) as the Prologue to all this and even called it 'Prologue', so that is indeed intentional (and I've seen similar in actual Dev missions).
As for sticking with the default text for the objectives I actually don't in any of the 5 missions. In MA Mission 3; were I to leave it at the default text - it would just read '4 Online Compter Terminals'; not '4 Online Computer Terminals to Find'.
As for the Portal Corp. mission; I'm actually using a an MA trick to get the 'clue' given when you defeat the mobs surrounding the President NPC to 'pop' precisely at that point. In earlier versions, when I used the more standard 'Escort' feature, the president's clue doesn't 'pop' until you reach the door with him, and people were VERY confused by that so I resorted to the trick in place now. I also tried to make sure you encounter the 'President' before 'Statesman'; but hionestly, Front, Middle and Back still don't seem to always work as advertised (about 80% success rayte from most comments I've gotten), so it's something I just have to live with as that's the only Portal Corp map that really works for the story. If the Devs ever take that map out of MA, my arc is roally screwed.
As to using default bio text for my Hostages in mission 5 - I'm between a rock and a hard place as I can either select on hostage type and flesh him out, or do what I did and use the Random' setting with the in game 'Paragon Citizens' which doesn't allow you to change teir defualt descriptions. It also sometimes gives you Villians, and at first I had an issue with that until I looked at what I had written; and if a machiavellian A.I. were goig to manipulate the world behind the scenes (and NO, I never concieved all this as a 'Nemesis Plot' (tm); some players have commeted they felt this arc 'stole his sthick).
Also happy you liked the color coded Contact and Clue text. In comments people either love it or very much hate it; and every time I consider removing it, I get a 'loved it' comment that puts me back on the fence with that. 
But again, I do want to thank you for a very fair, honest and objective review.
Also, given what you said about the Challenge Level situation with your GP arcs, I think I will now moveon to Part to, but at a different Challenge Level. (Gotta love those MA quirks ef? ).
I would love it if you would play my arc In Pursuit of Liberty - ID 221702.
I would love to get some feedback.
Thanks so much. I hope you enjoy.
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
Thanks for the review...
I understand where it gets a bit confusing..
The concept was to cover 5 parts of Murky's life (and the cause of her death).
Mission 1) Adoptions
Mission 2) Apartment Living
Mission 3) Living in Suburbia
Mission 4) The event of going to the doctor that lead to
Mission 5) Her fight again the Cancerous Sarcoma
I was trying to cover that story with events from her life, but in a slight humorous way at times, and how it was done. And I do agree without the knoweldge of what Mission 1-5 are suppose to be it does seem confusing... I've been trying to figure out ways to explain that better, but still keep it as a fun story (considering that in real life it ends in a very sad way).
At the time Pre I15 the Arc was filled, so couldn't add in much more to the nurses group, I now have some room, and definitely will look to flesh them out a bit more (they need a another minion or 2 and an another lieutenant - I agree).
I like the adjustment to get the Kitten hostages easier to find - will look into do that. Also I wanted a Carnie map, and the Carnie Warehouse map doesn't exist, so I was stuck with 1 of the 2 Carnie Outdoor maps.
I think I can work through the text to better explain that part...
Mission 2 - Yep the Contract can end up anywhere, so it can be really quick or take a bit through the map.
Mission 3 - Can't seem to get Murky to spawn right at front, so I made her have to be saved first, then have the Talisman spawn. I'll see if I can't add more flavor around the ideas of the Talisman and such.
Mission 4 - I wanted a map to represent a back alley doctor's location....And when I had it as just defeat the Doctor, with Murky as an alley... it never spawned right. I could not get Murky to be in the right spot up front and just be found.. And then have you go find the doctor... So I set it as it shows now... Find Murky - then have the Doctor Spawn. If you have an idea of a better Map I'm up for it. I agree this one is too long to find Murky and then the Doctor.
As for the last mission - I didn't want it to be you going into Murky to Save her. I wanted it to be you defeating the Disease as it is represented. So I did a representation of a Cancerous Sarcoma (I think maybe I'll add in the explanation of what that is for people who don't know - but it is a bit depressing)
So in a sense the Arc isn't exactly Wacky Comedy - its Slight Comedy to tell a story in honor of a lost pet, such that said pet is given a rememberence so they can live on forever in game.
I'll see what I can do to clean it up a bit more to tie things a bit together more.
edit - I also check and the Contact about info told you a bit of why she was telling you the story.
Funny enough - You'd probably like the other of my Story Arcs much better - pure comedy, lots of filled in pieces, etc - Arc Id #227436 - Halloween Night. Single Mission Glowie Hunt + Big Boss. Full of Flavor.
Take Care,
BinkDeBook
Virtue: CaptainMayhem-50 Inv/SS Tank; NaomiArmitage-50 DM/Inv Scrap; Captn Randomizer-50 MC/Kin Cntrller; Murky Thecat-50 Claws/SR Scrap; Professor Junk-50 Bots/Traps MM; +Others Arc Id #77311, #227436
Okay ... I took what you had said, and tried to rewrite the intro, send off, and success returns to better show the flow of what I wanted. Did that on all 5 missions, with the first missions Intro basically explain why Kaysa is telling the story, and then getting it in view (i.e. basically this is how she saw the chain of events).
I got a couple more nurses in there as well (1 more minion and lieutenant - to flush it out some more).
Tweaked the descriptions on the nurses as well as on the bosses/EBs to fill in some more info.
Added more description to the Suburban Talisman so it made sense for what I wanted it to be.
Made the Captives in mission 1 have the Glowing Energy Fields so easier to find.
And changed the Map on the 4th mission for the City Map 1 to the City Map 1 - Council version (which is smaller and easier to navigate)
So feel free to check it out again and see if it flows better and makes more sense. The biggest issue before was without knoweldge of the Story pieces, it didn't flow. This should now fix that.
I didn't have my editor around to check Grammar and Spelling (which I suck at, so I hope I didn't miss anything on my double checks). I'll have her do it next chance I get
Thanks again for the review - I've been trying to get someone to review it so I can see how to modify for the general consumption.
Take Care,
BinkDeBook
Virtue: CaptainMayhem-50 Inv/SS Tank; NaomiArmitage-50 DM/Inv Scrap; Captn Randomizer-50 MC/Kin Cntrller; Murky Thecat-50 Claws/SR Scrap; Professor Junk-50 Bots/Traps MM; +Others Arc Id #77311, #227436
Alright, after giving it ALOT (and I do mean ALOT) of thought, I"ve finally decided to join many other posters on this board in starting my own review thread.
If you didn't like something about the arc(s), tell me! Constructive criticism will only help me make my story better. I only ask that you write more than just "this arc was awesome" or "this arc was horrible", since that really doesn't tell me what you enjoyed/hated about my story. 
As with every review thread on this board, my reviews will be subjective based on my personal preferences and tastes in storylines. I'll do my best to be as objective as possible and lenient in any small errors I find, but if I play an arc I don't enjoy, I will be honest and explain the problems I had to the author in my review.
I will also do my best to maintain this thread as much as possible, and not let it die off as many other posters have done in the past. In order to do that, I'm going to have to limit the amount of reviews I do at one time. In other words, I'll take a certain number of requests, then "close" any further requests for reviews in this thread until I've finished reviewing those arcs. Once that's done, I'll "open" the thread up again for more requests of arcs to review. This is all to prevent me from getting overwhelmed with requests for arc reviews.
Like many reviewers in the past, I'll also ask that those who request their arc to be reviewed play at least one of my arcs in return. Once you've played through my arc(s), please write some feedback in this thread, along with the rating you gave the arc(s). It can be a detailed review of the entire arc(s), or just a paragraph outlining what you thought of the story. What you rate my arc(s) will have no bearing on my review of your arc(s), so be honest!
Once your review is posted in my other thread, I'll play your arc(s) and write a detailed review in this thread. Remember, this thread is for MY reviews of OTHER people's arcs, so please write any reviews/advice/tips you have for MY arcs in this thread.
Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be! Alright, this thread is now open for review requests! The first 5 Posters to request a review in this Thread will get it once they've provided feedback on one or more of my arc(s). I will not be accepting any review requests after that until I've finished my reviews. Please do not post a request in this thread after the first 5 until after I "open" this thread up for review requests again, since I'm trying to keep this thread as organized as possible.
Alright, which arcs will be included in my first 5 reviews?
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic