[ QUOTE ]
So feel free to check it out again and see if it flows better and makes more sense. The biggest issue before was without knoweldge of the Story pieces, it didn't flow. This should now fix that.
[/ QUOTE ]
If I have time, I'll run your arc again tomorrow, BinkDeBook 
It's not going to be as detailed as my first review (since I've already run your arc once); I'll just go over what I thought of the changes you made and make any further suggestions I can think of. And, of course, I'll tell you the new rating I gave it 
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Thank you so much for your detailed review! I sent you a message board PM with a question and a some concerns I have as to how to improve my arc.
I will definately incorporate your input, and when I am done, I hope you will re-review it.
One thing that I wanted to state here on the forum was that the "Little Liberty Again" was definately an attempt at humor. The arc is filled with attempts at humor, although I am finding that humor, like many other things is very subjective.
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
I spent most of this morning revising my contact introduction text for mission one. I attempted to make her dialogue a bit more formal, while at the same time retaining some of the humor I had intended.
It may be too much to ask, but I would love it if you could just recheck this text and provide me with some feedback to let me know if it is better.
I plan on incorporating most, if not all of your suggestions and then resubmitting my arc for your review, but I would love to know if I am on the right track in this area.
Again thanks so much for your help
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So feel free to check it out again and see if it flows better and makes more sense. The biggest issue before was without knoweldge of the Story pieces, it didn't flow. This should now fix that.
[/ QUOTE ]
If I have time, I'll run your arc again tomorrow, BinkDeBook
It's not going to be as detailed as my first review (since I've already run your arc once); I'll just go over what I thought of the changes you made and make any further suggestions I can think of. And, of course, I'll tell you the new rating I gave it
[/ QUOTE ]
Not a problem... it does take a bit to run the Arc
I did have a SG Mate rerun it, along with a team set to see how how it went, and he liked the flow much better as well. (He understood it before, but I think it was due to the fact that he had read my Mission explanation on our forums).
Thanks again!
Take Care,
BinkDeBook
Virtue: CaptainMayhem-50 Inv/SS Tank; NaomiArmitage-50 DM/Inv Scrap; Captn Randomizer-50 MC/Kin Cntrller; Murky Thecat-50 Claws/SR Scrap; Professor Junk-50 Bots/Traps MM; +Others Arc Id #77311, #227436
And now, a quick re-review of BinkDeBook's arc 
*****
Arc Name: The Ballad of Murky Thecat
Author: BinkDeBook
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Score Last Review: 2 Stars 
Notable Updates:
Most of the intro/outro dialog has been changed (especially the introduction to the first mission), which gives the player a much better understanding of the overall story. Kaysa's introduction was badly needed, but opens up a few more questions which are never adressed during the arc. The dialog of various NPCs within the missions have been changed to better reflect the story, certain mission objectives were given better descriptions, a nice touch by the author. The "Nurses" custom group had one more minion and lieutenant each, breaking up the previous monotony of fighting them, though (and this is just a suggestion) if the author could squeeze in one more minion, it would go a long way for the custom group.
Overall Impression:
This arc has greatly improved since I last played through it. The story is clearer, the dialog is sharper, and (most importantly) the individual missions felt like they flowed together into one overall plot, as opposed to the previous "random wacky missions" impression I had before.
Of course, with new changes comes new problems, and the most drastic changed I noticed was the fourth mission; specifically, the map choice and dialog. The author changed the map from Kings Row to Council Earth, and the dialog states your character "wants the best for Murky"'; this seems at odd with the nature of the "Nurses" custom group, though maybe I'm missing something.
If I had to give this arc an exact score, it would be 3.5 stars, but given the fact that the author was able to take the previous version of this arc and flesh it out so nicely, I'm givining it...
Final Score: 4 Stars
*****
Alright, anyone else who wants to post a review request in this thread, feel free to do so
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Thanks for the Re-review!.
Glad it got better and made more sense.
I'll look into the word and the grammar flow in mission 4. As I said my Editor wasn't around.
As for another Nurse Minion. Still on my list. I had to get all the text and stuff done as well. But I think I have enough room to add 1 more Nurse (wasn't sure when I did the 2 new customs + all the textual changes I needed if I'd have room I think I should, its almost full again).
As for Map choice in 4... It was hard... the previous map choice was WAY TO BIG... and it annoyed me as well.. This map was a compromise, still wanted an outside back alley feel, but on a smaller map... And its hard to find the right one that is small enough... I'll keep looking thou
Take Care,
BinkDeBook
Virtue: CaptainMayhem-50 Inv/SS Tank; NaomiArmitage-50 DM/Inv Scrap; Captn Randomizer-50 MC/Kin Cntrller; Murky Thecat-50 Claws/SR Scrap; Professor Junk-50 Bots/Traps MM; +Others Arc Id #77311, #227436
[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: In Pursuit of Liberty
Author: Gypsy Rose (ArrowRose)
Fern Fatale is surrounded by Devouring Earth, who are labeled "The Evil Garden Dwellers", which was a nice touch by the author.
As for the custom groups, I liked the design of the Liberty League and Anti-Liberty League, but the descriptions were a bit lacking. I counted 3 custom minions, 2 custom lieutenants, 1 custom boss, and 1 custom AV/EB; this is just a suggestion, but if the author could squeeze 1 more custom minion in the Anti-Liberty League, it might help keep the group interesting throughout the arc, since they did seem to get a little boring by the end. Although, that may just be because they were featured so prominently throughout all 5 missions, and I'm not sure how much free space tha author has in the arc anyway.
*****
[/ QUOTE ]
Sadly, I was not able to fit another minion in the Anti Liberty League. I made one of the lieutenants a minion, which provided more variety for those playing on an easy setting.
In response to your comment "they did seem to get a little boring by the end. Although, that may just be because they were featured so prominently throughout all 5 missions", do you think the arc would be improved if I did the following:
- Changing mission one to all family, except for those surrounding Liberty
- Changing the garden mission to have Evil Garden Dwellers as the main villian group and again only have the Anti Liberty League surrounding Liberty and perhaps Fern.
Using mostly Evil Garden Dwellers might make that mission too hard and I would need to test it, but I would like your opinion as to whether these changes might improve the arc.
Thanks
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
You weren't asking me ArrowRose, but having played your arc, I would say yes, having one of you missions being a different group, say the Family in the first mission, would make it better. I am a big believer in mixing things up as much as the story will allow. My second arc goes from Minions of Igneous, to Hellions, to Warriors, to Skulls, to a custom group. That is a bit extreme, even for me, but if your story allows it, having another group in one mission can really help keep the players from getting bored with your story.
Justice Blues, Tech/Tank, Inv/SS
----------------------
Fighting The Future Trilogy
----------------------
Thanks, Justice_Blues. I appreciate any and all input that helps make the arc better
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
[ QUOTE ]
Changing mission one to all family, except for those surrounding Liberty
[/ QUOTE ]
I would support this, though keep in mind that (to the best of my knowledge) the Family has a gap in combat levels, so while low-level players and high-level players won't have a problem with an all-Family mission, mid-level players will probably get gray-conning Family mobs. If you do decide to change Mission 1 to mainly Family enemies, I would suggest putting a level cap on the mission, as well.
[ QUOTE ]
Changing the garden mission to have Evil Garden Dwellers as the main villian group and again only have the Anti Liberty League surrounding Liberty and perhaps Fern.
[/ QUOTE ]
This actually makes alot more sense given your storyline, and would help make the forest map feel more like the "enchanted garden" it's supposed to be. I would advise taking your own advice and testing it first (provided you're not running missions on Challenge Level 5 ), and if you think it's too hard then by all means keep it the way it currently is.
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
I played and reviewed your arc 2, and I would love if you get a chance if you would re-review my arc: In Pursuit of Liberty
I tried my best to address all the issues you raised. Most noteably, I added tons of commas (I lost count) .
I updated, and I hope improved the bios of all my custom characters.
I addressed the following: "I also get a "Thank You" letter from the Liberty League, though when I leave the mission a pop-up suggests that I'm not supposed to receive the letter until AFTER I'm outside the mission, so the "timing" of the clue and the pop-up is a bit off. Mission Complete." by stating on the exit pop-up that Agent Liberty has given you a note.
Though I have read many books where I flipped a page and 10 years have passed, you were not the only one who took issue with the time skip bewteen mission 2 and 3, so I changed the arc so you go back in time for missions 1 and 2. This makes mission 3 in the present and you, the player time-travel instead of a time gap between missions.
I added details in bios, clues and mission contact text to provide insight as to how the journal and the swords got where they were, and how Ms. Liberty knew what she did.
I could not fit an extra type in the ALL, but to address the issue of repetition and boredom, I changed the main groups in mission 3 and 4.
I really appreciate all your input. I reworked my arc a lot. I hope you find it improved. Thanks again so much
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
Sorry it took so long to reply, ArrowRose, all of my free time has been spent putting the final touches on my latest arc, "The Galactic Protectorate - 04"
I'll try and run your arc tomorrow if I have time, if not I'll definitely run it on Monday
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Alright, now that my new arc is out, I can focus on reviews again (for the time being, at least 
). Next up is a re-review of ArrowRose's arc
*****
Arc Name: In Pursuit of Liberty
Author: Gypsy Rose (ArrowRose)
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Score Last Review: 3 Stars
Notable Updates:
The biggest change to this arc (and the change I enjoyed the most) were the descriptions on the custom characters. Almost every member of the Anti-Liberty League was given a more detailed background, which was a really nice touch by the author. The enemy groups for each mission were nicely diversified, too, with a new group (well, more like a collection of the standard enemy groups), "The Dark Alliance", appearing in mission 4. Finally, there were many grammar corrections throughout the arc, and even though there were still a few errors in the dialog and clues (I'll list the ones I found at the end of this re-review, though I'm sure I missed a couple), it was a huge improvement over the first time I played this arc.
Overall Impression:
I had an enjoyable experience the last time I played this arc, so it was a nice surprise to have an even BETTER experience this time around. The corrections and fleshing out of the small details in this arc really helped improve the overall flow and feel the story; there really is a 5-star story at the heart of this arc.
There was just one glaring flaw I noticed throughout the arc: The entire "time travel" concept (which previously was only present in the 4th mission) both looked and felt tacked on, which I personally thought did more harm than good to the story. To be honest, it wasn't the fact that it was present that I felt was awkward (I actually think the "time travel" concept could work with this arc); it was the fact that the author would place the new "time travel" dialog in places where it seemed to contradict the rest of the story.
For example, in the first mission intro, Ms. Liberty tells you that Little Liberty is in danger, making it seem like an immediate threat. However, she then explains that she'll be sending you back in time 7 years to save Little Liberty, meaning that she's not actually in danger NOW, but rather WAS in danger 7 years ago. Now, it's possible that the author meant that the ALL sent the Family back in time to captured Little Liberty, thus altering her destiny, but if that's the case, it would be nice if the dialog was changed to make that point clearer.
The second mission intro dialog is even more awkward, with Ms. Liberty telling you that Little Liberty has gone out searching for treasure, but then reveals that, once again, this is the Little Liberty from 7 years ago, meaning she went out looking for treasure 7 years ago, and... yeah, it's a little confusing. 
This may or may not be helpful to the author, but I noticed that the Liberty League descriptions (as well as the Fern Fatale description) seemed to be limited to the 300 character limit the mission editor restricts you to when writing a description for a named enemy/ally/hostage. If the author has a longer description written in for the Liberty League and/or Fern Fatale that was written in the custom character description box, it's possible to get that description to show up if you leave the mission editor description box empty. I don't know if that will help the author, but just in case
Aside from that, however, the author did a great job improving both the arc and the custom enemy group, and with just a little more fleshing out of the small details, as well as making the "time travel" concept more streamlined so it fits in better with the dialog, this can definitely be a 5-star arc. Even without that, however, I would still recommend this arc for anyone looking for a nice, enjoyable story
Final Score: 4 Stars
Grammar Corrections:
Mission 1 Intro: Hello $name -> Hello, $name
Mission 1 Send-Off: please go find her -> please, go find her / hurry there isn't much time -> hurry, there isn't much time
Agent Liberty Dialog (after rescuing her in mission 1): OK we need to go get -> OK, we need to go get
Fearsome Follower Description: are have -> have
Note to Al: Don't ask why. Just trust me! -> Don't ask why, just trust me!
Thank You Note: Those my friend are -> Those, my friend, are
Mission 2 Send-Off: Hurry it will be dark soon! -> Hurry, it will be dark soon!
Feline Follower Description: becoming a Feline Followers -> becoming a Feline Follower
Treasure Chest Interaction: No sorry it is not -> No, sorry, it is not
Mission 2 Mission Complete Pop-Up: No you can't wear it -> No, you can't wear it
Mission 2 Outro: Wow you did it -> Wow, you did it / Thanks you have -> Thanks, you have
I'm sure I missed some, but this should help you a little bit, at least
*****
Alright, as always, any review requests will be accepted if you're willing to review one of my arcs, so feel free to post
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Thanks for your detailed re-review of the arc!
I didn't know you could use the bio that comes with the character, so depending on space, that may help me a lot.
I am still confused as to what to do to about the time travel. As you know, originally, the first 2 arcs where present day, and there was a time gap bewteen missions 2 and 3.
I have read many books where you turn a page, and years have passed, so I saw no problem with that. However, you were not the only one to take issue with it.... So I changed it.
My intent was not that the ALL was sent back, although... but just that even seven years ago they existed.
Do you think I should keep the time travel, just make it clear in the original contact dialogue... or return the arc to the way it was?
I really appreciate your input so much!
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
Alright, after a nice week off the boards, I'm back and ready to accept any review requests again!
ArrowRose, I'm not sure whether my feedback will still be useful to you (since the post I'm responding to is almost a week old), but as I said before in my re-review of your arc, I would suggest either better incorporating the whole "time travel" concept into your arc or get rid of it entirely. I was a bit surprised by the 7-year jump in the middle of your arc the first time I played through it, but looking back now, the 7-year time skip made alot more sense than the "time travel" sub-plot you have now. As I said before, I personally think time travel could work with this arc, but as you have it written right now, I felt it was awkward and out of place. A little touching up of the dialogue could fix that, though, so the choice is up to you.
Of course, since it's been awhile since I played your arc, you may have already changed the dialogue or removed the time travel component entirely, making my suggestions completely useless
Anyway, just letting everyone know that I'm still accepting review requests in exchange for playing one of my arcs; just remember to put your reviews of my arcs in this thread
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
So, with the release of the new boards, I'd like to re-re-open my Review Thread for anyone who wants their Story Arc reviewed!
As a reminder, here's how this thread works: If you would like to request a review, post your AE Story Arc in this thread. Then, play one of the arcs in my Galactic Protectorate storyline (Arc ID#'s located in my signature; I would suggest starting with the "The Galactic Protectorate - 01", since my storyline is linear) and post a review in this thread. The review can be as long or short as you want, just as long as it's constructive. I don't hold it against you if you didn't like one of my arcs, nor do I provide favoritism in my review of your arc if you give my arc a good score. All I ask is that you clearly state WHY you did or didn't like my arc; try to be a little more constructive than just posting "Your arc was horrible" or "Your arc was awesome" and leaving it at that.
Once you've posted your review of my arc, I'll play through your requested arc and post my review in this thread. If you want to get a feel of my reviewing style, please feel free to read through the reviews I've already written in this thread.
Remember, this thread is for MY reviews of OTHER people's arcs; post your review of my arc(s) in the thread I've linked to above.
Alright, with all that said, this thread is now re-re-open!
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Wow, been awhile since I posted in this thread. Anyway, due to my recent request to PoliceWoman, I'll be posting my reviews of her arcs in this thread sporadically whenever I get enough free time to play them
It should be noted, however, that this thread is temporarily closed until after New Year's, Day, at the earilest. I am UNBELIEVABLY busy right now, and I'm hard-pressed to find enough time to play and post my reviews of PoliceWoman's arcs, let alone the arcs that might be requested in this thread. If my schedule opens up in January, I'll gladly take requests again, but not before then.
So, without further ado, here's my review of "The Flower Knight Task Force"
-----
Arc Name: A Warrior's Journey - The Flower Knight Task Force
Author: PoliceWoman
Character Used: Level 50 Dual Blades / Willpower Scrapper
Mission 1: A Dream of Samurai
Alright, before I begin this review, let me just say: I REALLY like arcs that reference Japanese culture, but too often I find such arcs have glaring flaws or inaccuracies that really detract from the experience. So, after reading the arc description and seeing that the Contact for this arc was the canon character "Flower Knight", I have to admit I was a little hesistant about how things were going to unravel.
The arc begins with Flower Knight informing me that she's been having dreams about a mystical land which resembles feudal Japan, though she admits this may be due to her watching too many Kurosawa movies (I appreciated the director's reference in this arc ) Anyway, it turns out an alternate dimension code-named "Pi Omega 4-4" has been found, and this dimension bears a striking resemblance to the land Flower Knight has been dreaming about. As such, I'm sent to investigate the dimension.
After passing through the portal, I find that I have indeed stepped into an ancient land reminiscent of Japan during the Warring States Era, though the main aggressors in this world seem to belong to the "Spider Clan" (apparently led by a "Lord Kumo"), and my first task is to liberate the oppressed peasants. After taking down an oddly familiar foe named "Jinkenzo" (and finding some firearms named "arquebuses" on him), I find an ally belonging to the "Hawk Clan" named "Fujineko" and rescue her, as well. Together, we defeat some decidedly Fortunata-looking Kunoichi and Shugenja (who bear a striking resemblance to Mu Mystics), then proceed to rescue the peasants. Along the way, we stumble across a gravestone belonging to a "Lord Setaetsmon", who was apparently the leader of Hawk Clan before meeting his end at the hand of Lord Kumo. Things seem to pretty bad for the land Fujineko calls "Perogan". Our task complete, I lead Fujineko to the portal, completing the mission.
Mission 2: The Guns of Perogan
So, after bringing Fujineko to our (comparatively advanced) dimension, she informs Flower Knight of the location of a supply depot the Spider Clan uses. Many of the Spider Clan's arquebuses are stored in this depot, so it's up to me to shut it down. However, before I leave, Flower Knight relays to me that Tina McIntyre has detected some evidence of dimension-hopping, and it's not mine. Someone else has been visiting Perogan.
Inside the weapons depot (which turns out to be little more than a cave), I find and defeat "Jinkenzo" (again), then find and destroy all the low-tech firearms. Along the way, I run into a "Lord Aion", who's busy overseeing the depot. Lord Aion bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Aion, and has similar powers. However, halfway though the battle, he summons "ninja" to assist him... which turn out to be Chimera's minions; the descriptions aren't even altered. I originally thought this was an oversight by the author, but as it turns out, Chimera DOES have a pretty large role in this story, which is elaborated on later. Flower Knight is just as surprised as I am to find Chimera's minions in Perogan, and decides to ask Fujineko what she knows about the situation.
Mission 3: The Oracle of Amaterasu
So, it turns out Chimera HAS been visiting this alternate dimension; Fujineko saw him with a woman named "Lady Sayaki" some time ago. Apparently, the two had been courting before Laday Sayaki had become the titular hermit preistess. Surely, she would know something about Chimera's involvement in Perogan.
Upon entering Sayaki's (empty) lair, I find evidence of a whirlwind romance between her and Chimera; interestingly enough, Lady Sayaki herself bears a striking resemblance to Sister Psyche. Upon rescuing Sayaki (and fighting through the now-Praetorian filled mission), she grudgingly gives up the location of Chimera's stronghold in Perogan.
Mission 4: A Hidden Fortress
Given the theme of this arc, I almost expected the title of this mission to be "A Moving Fortress". Anyway, Lady Sayaki basically confirms everything we've been suspecting from the start, so the next move is to strike Chimera's fortress and stop him from aiding Lord Kumo any further.
Upon entering Chimera's lair (Chimera seems to be fond of graveyards), I find and destroy the remaining arquebuses, close the portal leading back to Praetorian Earth, and find a few interesting notes from Chimera's companions expressing anger/frustration at Chimera's apparent obsession with this dimension. After defeating Chimera himself, he apparently commits seppuku while reciting a haiku about his lover, Lady Sayaki. Upon exiting the mission, I'm greeted with a vision of Lady Sayaki, feeling her beloved's death across time and space, taking her own life. This scene is described with impressive detail by the author, and I honestly appreciated that. Needless to say, Flower Knight is disturbed by this turn of events.
Mission 5: The Day of Thunder
With Chimera and Lady Sayaki's death, the only thing left to do is end Lord Kumo's reign in Perogan. It's not going to be easy, though. Lord Kumo has 4 generals, who are (for the most part, at least; more on that later) alternate versions of Arachnos arch-villains. However, with Fujineko's and Flower Knight's help, we defeat the 4 generals and Lord Kumo himself, thus leaving Perogan in the hands of the Hawk Clan. Flower Knight apparently decides to stay and help Fujineko and the others, though she promises to stay in touch with her parents back in this dimension. Story Arc complete.
Final Thoughts:
Alright, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't impressed with this arc. The custom characters (for the most party) are very well done, the story is incredibly detailed yet manages to come to a satisfying conclusion, and the dialog and clues kept me interested throughout all five missions. This is easily one of the best arcs I've played.
However, I do have a few nits to pick First of all, the Kunoichi and Shugenja of the Spider Clan were obviously just recolored Fortunatas and Mu Mystics, respectively. This isn't really a big deal, especially in an arc as full as this, but given that they appear in the same enemy group as the otherwise completely-custom Spider Clan, it was noticeable enough to slightly detract from the "feel" of the group. Only slightly, though
Second of all, the fate of Chimera. I'm not sure if this story arc is supposed to follow canon or not, but the fact that Chimera dies in the fourth mission of this arc seems to defy the canon storyline. In fact, Chimera's entire relationship with Lady Sayaki probably contradicts the "official lore" of this game, though it's a comparatively small contradiction compared to some arcs I've played. I usually don't care when story arcs do this; it's just that, until that point, the story seemed to be adhering to the official lore as close as possible, with most of the story taking place in the alternate dimension of Perogan. The whole thing is easily overlooked if you consider the story "non-canon" anyway.
Finally, the four generals in the last mission. Two of them were recolored Arachnos archvillains, but the other two were completely custom characters. The strangest thing was that, based on their names ("General Mako" and "Black Scorpion"), you'd EXPECT them to be Arachnos AVs, but the fact that they weren't seem oddly inconsistent. Again, I'd understand if this was due to a lack of file space, but then why name them after Arachnos AVs to begin with?
With all that said, none of these things detracted from this story arc nearly enough to hamper my enjoyment of the arc overall, and if this is the level of talent I can expect from this author's other arcs, I'm defintely looking forward it!
If I had to give an exact score, this arc would be 4.5 Stars, but I'm more than happy to give "The Flower Knight Task Force":
Final Score: 5 Stars
-----
Alright, I'm not sure when I'll get around to my next review (my schedule for tomorrow is completely booked, unfortunately), so if I don't get around to it before Christmas, hope everyone on these boards has a happy holiday season
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Well, it's the day after Christmas, and that means just enough free time to review another arc
-----
Arc Name: Celebrity Kidnapping
Author: PoliceWoman
Character Used: Level 38 Electric Melee / Electric Armor Brute
Mission 1:
As I begin this "Villainous" arc, I first notice that Willy Wheeler as the contact. Considering the quality of the last arc, I have high hopes going into this one.
Willy informs me that a "celebrity bimbo" named Paris Holiday has recently been arrested for DUI and thrown in the Zig, so naturally this is the perfect opportunity to kidnap her and hold her for ransom (at this point I double-check the arc description and yes, this is arc is indeed labeled "comedy" by the author). Willy plans to have the Family cause a distraction by starting a prison riot, allowing me to kidnap Paris in the chaos.
So, I enter the mission (a Zig map, naturally) and am met with Paragon Police, Longbow, and Prisoners all wandering the map and battling whenever they bump into each other. Oddly, the Family is nowhere to be found. After fighting my way through the prison yard, through the underground sewer passageway and into the Zig itself, I finally find Paris Holiday herself. She apparently belongs to the "Celebutantes" enemy group, and her description reveals certain tidbits about her "wild" private life, as well as her claim to the "Holiday Hotels" fortune (I'll go into more detail about the comedy/references found in this arc at the end of this review). I then lead Paris Holiday back through the map and out of the Zig. Mission complete.
Mission 2:
So, while Paris is waiting at a Family safehouse, Willy contacts a reality show and demands a huge ransom- wait, what? Willy's demanding ransom from a reality show rather than Paris' family and friends? Paris' family who (based on what we learned in the last arc) OWNS THEIR OWN LINE OF HOTELS?! Alright... maybe it's a REALLY good reality show.
Regardless, the reality show agrees to pay the ransom; half will be dropped off at an abandoned warehouse, and the other half will be delivered once Paris is set free. Naturally, I have to go and pick up the first half myself.
Upon entering the small abandoned warehouse, I'm greeted by a "Vagrant" custom group, who seem to be led by a Bum. Yes, "Bum" is the name of the custom boss. Actually, "Bum's" bio wasn't too bad, and did a good job of explaining how a homeless bum could be so strong. After defeating "Bum", I grab the rasnom money, and prepare for the inevitable ambush- wait, mission complete? That's it? Really?
Mission 3:
So, now that we've got the first half of the ransom, the only thing left to do is turn Paris loose so we get the second half. However, Willy strongly hints that it might be to both of our benefits if the Family was out of the picture. One less share, right? Funny thing is, the Family had something similar in mind.
The mission starts out almost completely empty, with just a Family boss and Paris' captors located at the end of the map. Of course, after rescuing Paris, the map comes to life. The Paragon Police show up, along with a custom group "The Paparazzi". Unfortunately, the Paparazzi all share the same description, and I didn't find them as impressive as other custom groups I've encountered (they're certainly less impressive "Spider Clan" group in the last arc I played, and they were created by this same author).
As I drag Paris with me to the mission entrance, I notice another ally standing by the Paparazzi by the name of "Lois Watson". Her description states that she's the girlfriend of "Unbelievable Man", and "rescuing" her does indeed result in Unbelievable Man showing up to try and save the day. After defeating the hero, I come across both Amanda Vines and Police Woman herself. After defeating Police Woman, Amanda tags along (she wants an intereview, apparently), and I bring both her and Paris to the exit, the latter lamenting the end of her short life as a "Destined One". As I exit the mission, it seems Willy's surprised to see I made it out, and it's strongly implied that he's the one who tipped the Paragon Police off. It's also strongly implied that I beat the bejeezus out of him. Story Arc complete.
Final Thoughts:
Alright... I'm going to have to say that, unlike the previous arc I reviewed by this author, the theme of this arc was definitely NOT to my liking. I've never been a fan of reality shows, so I'd be willing to bet that there were some jokes and references in this arc that I just didn't "get". I also noticed that, overall, this arc wasn't nearly as "polished" as the previous arc, as there were no mission titles, and the contact had the default AE Contact bio (I think; I'm sure PoliceWoman will correct me if I'm wrong).
In addition, I found this arc to be noticeably "lopsided"; the first two missions were practically barren in comparison to the final mission, particularly the second mission. While the thrid mission exhibited the author's skill with AE system mechanics (I was honestly impressed with the way several of the instanced ambushes/hostages were used), a few of the "cameo" characters seemed to be out of place. "Paris Holiday" and "The Paparazzi" both fit the theme of this arc, but "Lois Watson" and "Ubelievable Man"? Given who they're parodying (Lois Lane and Superman, respectively), I can see how it might be believable for them to be incorporated into this arc, but I still found it to be more than just slightly random. Likewise, Amanda Vines and Police Woman showing up in the final mission is nice, but their appearances also seem to come out of left-field.
Despite all of that, this arc was actually quite enjoyable. I didn't like it as much as the previous arc, and the custom characters weren't nearly as detailed, but I got the feeling as I played that this arc was meant to be a simple, light-hearted comedy arc, and the author definitely accomplished that. Overall, I'd say it's a nice, concise arc that I would recommend to those who enjoy (or enjoy making fun of) reality shows and/or celebrities in general.
Final Score: 4 Stars
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Thanks for the review! It helped motivate me to make a few tweaks.
1. Gave Willy Wheeler a description. (It drives me crazy that using a standard contact doesn't inherit their standard description.)
2. Gave each mission briefing a caption in slightly larger type.
3. Changed the mission 1 debriefing and mission 2 briefing to refer to "Paris's family" instead of the "reality TV show executives" as being the people paying the ransom. (I think you're right, this IS the more logical target for ransom demands.)
4. Added some individual description to each Paparazzi character.
I kinda like the pacing overall, so not sure I will do much about your comments on that; except maybe for mission 2, perhaps that could use more of interest. Admittedly most of the action is in missions 1 and 3. I considered putting an ambush on the ransom money in mission 2 (of either paparazzi or police), but wasn't sure if it would be worthwhile since you can just exit? What do you think?
Thanks again.
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
Glad to hear that my feedback was helpful to you, PoliceWoman
About putting an ambush in the second mission of Celebrity Kidnapping, I think it's fine if you can find a story-related reason to justify it. To be honest, though, I think the "lopsided" feel I had from the arc was heavily intertwined into the structure of the story itself, and it would be hard to incorporate something like an ambush into the story without having it feel "tacked-on". If you're happy with the pacing, then I wouldn't suggest changing it. Like I said in my review, I felt like most of the arc's content was crammed into the last mission, but to each their own. I'm sure there are many players who wouldn't mind the pacing at all
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Alright, just enough free time today for another review!
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Arc Name: Talos Vice
Author: PoliceWoman
Character Used: Level 13-14 Gravity / Kinetics Controller
Mission 1:
The Contact for this arc was a custom character by the name of "Detective Croquette", who has a seldom-seen partner by the name of "Detective Basinns" (more on that at the end of this review). The first (of many) unique elements that I notice about this arc is "dialog". Rather than the usual "contact speaking, with maybe some action indicated by seperate font/color" dialog I've found in most other arcs, this "dialog" reads more like a screenplay, with the "setting" and "character dialog" (including the player's character) indicated by the author in large, bold font. This unorthodox style had both it's pros and cons, but I'll go into more detail about that at the end of this review.
Getting back to the plot, it seems my character had been sent by Back Alley Brawler to help Detective Croquette stop an unusual increase in the illegal Superadyne trade (referred to in the arc and henceforth in this review as simply "Dyne") at it's source, Talos Island. Detective Croquette and the rest of the "Talos Vice" (Paragon Police officers assigned to this case, apparently) had tracked a shipment of Dyne to a warehouse run by Trolls, which I was to help them raid. Croquette and I get in his "white Ferrari" and drive to Helen's Point, where the bust is to take place.
Unfortunately, the Trolls are expecting the police, and I spend most of the mission rescuing captured police officers, identifying the bodies of less fortunate police officers, and confiscating several crates of Dyne myself. Identifying the bodies and confiscating the Dyne both give clues which seem a tad redundant, and most of the named Paragon Police officer hostages run off once rescued, though one officer ("Sergeant Stevens", identified in her description as "a Police Woman") does inform me about the ambush. Interestingly, "Detective Basinns", Croquette's partner (who even has the same description as Detective Croquette), mentions his suspicions about a "leak" in the Paragon Police; this is one piece of information I'd EXPECT to be given in the form of a clue, but instead Basinns only mentions it in dialog form after he's rescued, then quickly runs to the mission exit. The only officer who DOESN'T run off after being rescued is Detective Croquette himself, who stays to help me find and defeat Grogar, the leader of this drug warehouse. After completing the mission, another "screenplay-style" clue is given, showcasing the events that unfold as Grogar is held in the police interrogation room. At his lawyer's advice, Grogar admits that the Trolls get their Dyne from a "man" in a club named "Sindicators". Returning to Detective Croquette, another scene is described, this one mourning the loss of the Paragon Police officers who died in the failed drug bust. Croquette informs me that he knows where this "Sindicators" club is.
Mission 2:
The next scene shown is of Croquette and myself heading to the "seedy nightclub" that is Sindicators. Inside, the two of us find the club to be filled (unsurpisingly) with "low-life criminals" and strippers cosplaying as non-family friendly versions of the famous heroines of Paragon City. The enemy group in this mission, titled simply "Perps", are an assortment of various recolored low-level enemy groups, including Hellions, Skulls, Warriors, and Outcasts.
There was also a custom ally group, the "Sindicators" themselves, who were said cosplaying strippers mentioned earler. Even though they only appeared in this mission, and I only encountered two of these "Sindicators", I honestly was impressed by both the design and descriptions of these characters. They honestly did appear to be "adult" versions of several of the flagship heroines of Paragon, and their short backstories were believable (though admittedly a bit cliche). After rescuing one of the Sindicators, she told me that she had seen Grogar talking with some "Family wise guys" in the club before.
Soon after, I find and rescue Croquette (again), and the two of us find Detective Wexler (one of the officers I rescued in the previous mission) receiving a payment from several Family members. After "rescuing" Wexler and completing the mission, another "screenplay style" clue is given, this one showing Croquette arresting Wexler and extracting the source of the Dyne shipments from him. It turns out a Family boss named "Cavalieri" is running his operation off the coast of Scylla.
Mission 3:
So, now that we know where the source of the Dyne shipments are coming from, the only thing left is to find and arrest Cavalieri. The scene given for this mission depicts Croquette and myself getting on a speedboat and heading to Cavalieri's stronghold.
Upon entering the mission, I quickly find and destroy the main supply of Dyne, which brings out Cavalieri himself. He's a very difficult boss (especially for a Level 14 Controller), but I defeat him after exhausting every inspiration I have. The mission outro shows officer Wexler being gunned down by a Family hitman, and my character swearing to bring Cavalieri to justice. Story Arc complete.
Final Thoughts:
Alright... first, I have to admit (much like the previous arc) that the theme of this arc wasn't my forte. I've never watched "Miami Vice" (which this arc obviously pays homage to), nor have I ever been a fan of "buddy cop" series/movies, so again, I'm probably missing a lot of references/jokes in this arc.
As for the prevalent "screenplay style" writing found in this arc... as I mentioned before, it has it's pros and cons. On one hand, it's an interesting and unique way of presenting the story, and the author definitely made a great effort to portray every "scene" found in this arc with as much detail as possible (within the limiations of the system, of course). On the other hand, I'd be lying if I said this wasn't disorienting at times, and the style itself also led to a factor many players on and off this board dislike: performing thoughts/actions/dialog for the player's character. Personally, I don't mind this as much as others, but (with the exception of several particuarly bad arcs I've experienced in the past) this story seemed to do this more than any other arc I've reviewed; particularly in the final "scene" (outro dialog) of the last mission. Again, I'd imagine that the "style" used in this arc naturally lends itself to this, but it was especially noticeable considering the previous two arcs I've reviewed from this author seem to avoid doing this as much as possible.
Writing style aside, there was also one minor detail I thought was odd. It's mentioned in their descriptions that Detective Croquette and Detective Basinns are partners, but it seemed to me like the player's character was Croquette's partner throughout the course of the arc, not Basinns. Also, I only encountered Basinns in the first mission, then never saw him again. It's possible that I might have missed him in the other two missions (and I'm sure PoliceWoman will correct me if I did), but it seems like there should have been some explanation as to why Basinns was MIA throughout most of the arc, or at least have his description changed to Croquette's "colleague" rather than "partner". Then again, this might be a joke/reference to "Miami Vice" that I'm not "getting", so if that's the case, there's no need to change it.
All things considered, this was a VERY hard arc to rate. The entire arc seemed geared towards players who enjoy shows like "Miami Vice", so the real question is if this arc achieves the "feel" of that series. And... well, having never watched the series, I really can't make that determination . I can definitively say that this arc boasts some of the most impressive mechanics I've seen (even compared to the previous arcs I've played from this author), a solid storyline, and a unique storytelling style that some players might enjoy. However, players who don't like it when story arc writers "think" for their characters might be put off by this arc, as will players who don't like "buddy cop" plotlines. However, I have a strong feeling that those who have watched and enjoyed shows like "Miami Vice" will LOVE this arc.
Final Score: 4 Stars
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Quote:
Croquette says either at the end of act I or before act II that he can't trust anyone in the department, not even Basinns.
| it seems like there should have been some explanation as to why Basinns was MIA throughout most of the arc |
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Mirror_Man
The Contact for this arc was a custom character by the name of "Detective Croquette", who has a seldom-seen partner by the name of "Detective Basinns" (more on that at the end of this review).
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They aren't custom characters. They are the police radio contacts in Talos.
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
Ah, thanks for correcting me about that mistake, FredrikSvanberg. Still, it was interesting to see how PoliceWoman adapted those two radio contacts for her story arc
Anyway, before the New Year's celebration tonight, I've got just enough time for one more review!
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Arc Name: Teen Phalanx Forever!
Author: PoliceWoman
Character Used: Level 22 Force Field / Psychic Blast Defender
Mission 1: Introducing Kid (character name)!
The contact for this story arc is Coyote, a standard contact I've rarely seen used in the AE arcs I've played. The arc begins by stating that, for the duration of this arc, the player will be playing a "teen" version of their current character. However, this seems to be contradicted almost immediately in the opening dialog, as Coyote mentions that the "mentor" of the "teen" version of the player's character is actually the "not-teen" version of the player's character, thus making the "teen" version of the player's character an entirely seperate character (at least in the context of this arc). Considering that the character I played through this arc with WAS technically a teenager to begin with, and this was more than a little confusing
Anyway, Coyote tells me that the titular supergroup of this arc, the Teen Phalanx, have already gone after Dr. Vahzilok, and that I should go help them. Coyote mentions that the Teen Phalanx "fights archvillains everyday", and relays some information about the combat style and weaknesses of the Vahzilok. While this information may be a bit late for those playing this arc (given the level range of this first mission, I'd imagine most players would have already run into the Vahzilok at least once by the time they play this arc), I did find this to be a really nice touch by the author.
Inside the mission, I'm introduced to the four members of the Teen Phalanx: "Manticora", the self-proclaimed "bad girl" of the group, who boasts psychic and archery powers, as well as blue skin and a third eye for some reason; "Kid Valkyrie", the "good girl" of the Teen Phalanx, who is stated to be the daughter of Valkyrie; "Back Alley Boy", stated to be the "tough guy" of the group, who was found and adopted by Back Alley Brawler; and "Citadel XP", the "brains" of the Teen Phalanx, created by combining Citadel's hardware with Luminary's software.
Several of the hostages inside the mission had nice custom bios, and Citadel XP filled me in on the situation: Apparently, several women had gone missing after accepting a date from an online dating website, the setting of said dates taking place in some well-known Vahzilok hunting grounds. Soon after rescuing all the hostages and meeting up with all of the Teen Phalanx members, we came across Dr. Vahzilok himself, along with some custom Vahzilok minions named "Vahzilok Brides". After defeating Dr. Vahzilok, I receive a clue for completing the mission, which is an ad for "Mail Order Brides" (apparently of the zombie variety). Anyway, after exiting the mission Coyote tells me that I'm now an "official" member of the Teen Phalanx.
Mission 2: In the Hall of the Clockwork King
So, it seems that the Clockwork King is "on a rampage", the Teen Phalanx is "already on the scene", and Coyote couldn't contact me because SOMEONE forgot to give me a Teen Phalanx Communicator. Before leaving, Coyote relays some more information about the strengths/weaknesses of the Clockwork, as well as warning me that some "prototype" Clockwork might be in the mission, as well. Again, this information might be a tad late, but I still enjoyed it's inclusion in the arc.
Inside the mission, I come across some custom Clockwork minions amongst the standard Clockwork; these custom Clockwork are labeled "Clockwork Adventurers", and have a habit of speaking in RPG terms. I meet up with all of the Teen Phalanx (minus Manticora, who runs off after giving me an official Teen Phalanx Communicator), and Citadel XP tells me that the Clockwork King has made his own "virtual game" to combat Architect Entertainment, which he calls "World of Clockwork". After rescuing the "Beta Testers" for this "game", we defeat the Clockwork King and are given another ad in the form of a clue, this one for World of Clockwork. Upon returning to Coyote, I learn that Manticora ran off to "make up" with "Statesboy", who used to be a member of the Teen Phalanx.
Mission 3: Alone and Unsupervised! What's the Worst That Could Happen?
So it seems Manticora's "taking a break" from the Teen Phalanx for a while, which means that every other member has to temporarily fill in for her usual duties within the Teen Phalanx base. My character is stuck with monitor duty.
This mission has an unannounced 2 hour time limit to it; while that's not as bad as several other arcs I've played, it's still nice to get a "warning" beforehand on any upcoming time limits a mission might have. Before entering the mission, Coyote remarks that the Freakshow "might be up to something".
The map used for this mission is incredibly small; it's also completely emtpy at the start of the mission, save for several objectives. There were some optional "lockers' belonging to the Teen Phalanx, as well as a "refrigerator", which give some amusing clues when interacted with; overall, I thought this was a clever touch by the author. Anyway, after watching the "monitor" for several seconds, the alarm in the base sounds, and the Freakshow appear. After defeating a Freakshow boss named "C4TS", I meet up with Kid Valkyrie and Back Alley Boy, and together we defeat the leader of this raid, Clamor. Upon completing the mission, Clamor reveals that someone named "Mr. V" (who works for the Council) had hired the Freakshow to attack the Teen Phalanx base. What's worse, Coyote informs me that Manticora's "gone missing", and Citadel XP isn't answering his communicator.
Mission 4: Who is gunning for the Teen Phalanx? Find out Inside!
Well, it turns out Citadel XP has been kidnapped by Council robots, but was able to get in a quick distress call before Coyote lost contact with him. I'm sent to a Council base on Striga Isle to investigate.
While it turns out that there ARE, in fact, Council robots inside the mission, they're labeled as "Rogue Robots", and their description states that they no longer work for the Council. After meeting up with all the members of the Teen Phalanx, Manticora explains that she was tricked into being captured by a forged letter she thought was from Statesboy, and Citadel XP reveals the identity of the one behind all this: the evil "Citadel Vista"!
...
Anyway, during the fight with Citadel Vista, several "robo" versions of the Teen Phalanx show up in an ambush; I wasn't able to read all of their descriptions before they were defeated by the real Teen Phalanx, but I liked their inclusion in this arc. With Citadel Vista defeated, Coyote informs me that my "mentor" needs me, and everyone is sad to see me go, but I'm allowed to keep a Teen Phalanx Communicator as a souvenir of the time I spent with the members of the Teen Phalanx. Story Arc complete.
Final Thoughts:
Alright, I REALLY enjoyed playing this arc. This is easily one of the most fun and entertaining arcs I've ever played in MA. The storyline was great, the "Teen Phalanx" members were likeable (though admittedly a bit stereotypical), and the premise of temporarily joining a supergroup on their daily adventures was explored and executed amazingly well by this author.
But I do have SOME minor nitpicks with this arc. First of all, as I stated before, the entire idea of your character being a "teen" version of himself/herself was never really made clear, and made even less so with the constant references to the "non-teen" version of your character being your "mentor". I get the impression that the idea the author was trying to convey was that you (the player) are controlling a teen "apprentice" of your actual character for the duration of the arc, much like the Teen Phalanx are "teen" versions of the Freedom Phalanx. I think the main source of my confusion is the wording of the "author's note" at the beginning of the first mission; saying "teen version" of your character makes me think that I'll be playing as the same character, only as a teenager rather than whatever age he/she really is. Perhaps clarifying the fact that the player is playing an entirely seperate character (in the author's note rather than Coyote's dialog) might help in this regard.
Second, the Teen Phalanx felt just a tad overpowered when they were all together. Individually, they were pretty well balanced, but once I had all four as allies even the archvillains (as Elite Bosses, at least) went down without any help from my character at all. To be honest, I really don't have many suggestions for this; most of the archvillains in this arc might be too difficult for a player to take down without any help, but the arc probably wouldn't "feel" the same if half the Teen Phalanx was missing every mission. Appropriately, the most enjoyable boss fight in this arc for me was the one against Clamor, where I had only two of the Teen Phalanx as allies. The boss wasn't bowled over like the others, and it actually felt like I contributed to that battle. Of course, there was a story-related reason as to WHY the other two members were MIA, but it did confirm my suspicions that the number of allies was too high, or at least the enemies were too weak
Finally, the "comedic" portions of this arc. While I personally found there to be some chuckle-worthy lines, most of the comedy (for me, at least) fell flat. This is purely my opinion, though, and I'm sure many other players loved the comedy in this arc, but to be honest I prefer it when this author is writing more "serious" plotlines than "comedic" ones. Again, just my opinion.
Despite the few nitpicks I've mentioned, there are few MA arcs I've played which have been as much fun as this one, and that's probably the operative word I would give this arc: Fun. This is a fun, light-hearted arc that I would recommend to anyone, and would gladly play again in my spare time.
Final Score: 5 Stars
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic
Alright, time for another review!
*****
Arc Name: In Pursuit of Liberty
Author: Gypsy Rose (ArrowRose)
Character Used: Level 50 DB/WP Scrapper
Mission 1:
The contact for this arc is Ms. Liberty; upon talking to her, the first thing that I notice are the grammar mistakes, though there are surpisingly few spelling mistakes in the mission intro. Ms. Liberty tells me of an innocent child who has been kidnapped, and the "future of Paragon depends" on my character bringing her back. A reasonable intro to a story arc.
Inside the mission, I am met with a custom enemy group, the "Anti-Liberty League". The costume designs are nice, though the descriptions are more or less all the same save for the first sentence stating the enemy's powers. Halfway into the mission, I run into an "Agent Liberty" being held captive by the Anti-Liberty League. After freeing her, Agent Liberty and myself make our way to the end of the map, where we encounter "Big Al", a Family boss, who are also wandering around this map. With Agent Liberty's help, we make quick work of the boss and soon encounter "Little Liberty", the "innocent child" Ms. Liberty spoke of. After rescuing the girl, I find the final objective, a safe, and check my clues. It seems I found a note from somone named "MAL" instructing Big Al to kidnap Little Liberty. MAL even seems to know that Satesman is Marcus Cole, somehow. I also get a "Thank You" letter from the Liberty League, though when I leave the mission a pop-up suggests that I'm not supposed to receive the letter until AFTER I'm outside the mission, so the "timing" of the clue and the pop-up is a bit off. Mission Complete.
Mission 2:
So, it turns out Little Liberty went off to explore some cave looking for buried treasure. Unfortunately, she never came back, so it looks like she's in trouble again. Ms. Liberty instructs me to save Little Liberty, and find the treasure she was looking for.
As I enter the mission, I notice one of the objectives in my nav bar is to "Save Little Liberty Again", which I found a little funny (though I'm not sure if this was intentional by the author). The map is filled with the Anti-Liberty League, but I'm soon able to rescue Little Liberty again, and soon after the treasure she was orginally looking for. It turns out that the "treasure" isn't gold or jewels, but rather a "Mysterious Costume". A pop-up after I leave the mission states that Little Liberty is "destined" to have the costume, and the mission outro reiterates this, with Ms. Liberty explaining that she gave the costume to Little Liberty.
Mission 3:
So, seven years have passed since I last talked with - wait, what? Yes, apparently there's a time skip in between the previous mission and this one. I've played mult-arc stories that have had time skips in between STORY ARCS, but I've never encountered a time skip between MISSIONS before. Anyway, Little (or not-so-little, as Ms. Liberty explains) Liberty, now 21 years old, has "disappeared in an enchanted garden" looking for a book, and it's up to me to go save her... again.
Inside the mission (forest map), I encounter the Anti-Liberty League again, and soon come upon a "journal", which was the book Liberty was searching for. Checking my clues, the journal explains that Liberty is Miss Liberty's granddaughter, and also tells of two swords of amazing power. Soon after, I'm able to free "Liberty Rose Jones" (an adult Little Liberty), and together we fight a custom boss, "Fern Fatale". Fern Fatale is surrounded by Devouring Earth, who are labeled "The Evil Garden Dwellers", which was a nice touch by the author. With Fern Fatale defeated, the mission ends.
Mission 4:
Ms. Liberty informs me that she's going to be sending me into the "possible future" to - wait, what? Anyway, not alot of information is given during this mission intro, other than going into the future will help Liberty fulfill her destiny.
So, in the potentially disastrous future (ruined Atlas Park), I only have two objectives: "Find Coffin" and "Find Statesman". After some time roaming around the Anti-Liberty League map, I find the coffin, but rather than a body, the coffin holds the two swords the journal from the last mission mentioned. After some more searching, I find Statesman, and I notice that (yay!) he actually has a custom description! Not a very long or detailed custom description, mind you, but a custom description nonetheless. After rescuing Statesman, he hands me a note to give to Liberty, which basically tells her to fulfill her destiny.
Mission 5:
Ms. Liberty informs me that Liberty has fulfilled her destiny as a hero, and that this is the last mission she will send me on. The Anti-Liberty League has "become powerful", and I have to rescue Liberty one last time, and defeat the mysterious MAL once and for all.
After some time in the large outdoor map, I find "Liberty Storm" and "Agent Liberty" (from mission 1), two members of the Liberty League. Surprisingly, I also find Statesman, and the four of us eventually run into MAL, who (because the members of the Liberty League are bosses and Statesman is an Elite Boss) is defeated without my character having to lay a finger on him. Finding Liberty Rose herself is tough, however I eventually do locate her. Now named "Liberty Rose", her description tells me she is now a true hero. Arc Complete.
Final Thoughts:
Overall, this turned out to be a surprisingly enjoyable arc; I admit, I had my doubts when I first began the arc, but the story (which admittedly felt forced at times) held together, and the author was able to conclude the arc nicely.
The biggest problem I had with the arc had to be the grammar. I usually don't take points off for spelling/grammar mistakes, but throughout the ENTIRE arc the use of a comma was absent, making almost every long sentence appear run-on, and blending the thoughts of the contact together in any given sentence. There were far too many for me to list, but a quck run through with an up-to-date word processor could easily help the clues and dialog in this arc.
I mentioned the storyline felt forced at times above, but this is especially true for the 4th mission. I understand (like all the missions in this arc), it's supposed to all tie together at the end, but even giving a little more information about HOW or WHY the player's character is getting sent into the future, or for that matter, HOW Ms. Liberty knows about this "possible future" in the first place. Even a few sentences of explanation in the mission intro or as clues in the mission itself would be better than the explanation we have right now.
As for the custom groups, I liked the design of the Liberty League and Anti-Liberty League, but the descriptions were a bit lacking. I counted 3 custom minions, 2 custom lieutenants, 1 custom boss, and 1 custom AV/EB; this is just a suggestion, but if the author could squeeze 1 more custom minion in the Anti-Liberty League, it might help keep the group interesting throughout the arc, since they did seem to get a little boring by the end. Although, that may just be because they were featured so prominently throughout all 5 missions, and I'm not sure how much free space tha author has in the arc anyway.
But with all that being said, this WAS an enjoyable arc to play, and with a little bit of grammar correction and some more fleshing out could easily be 5 stars; even without that, however, it's still (in my opinion) a great 3.0 star arc.
Final Score: 3 Stars
*****
Alright, anyone who wants to request a review (and are willing to review one of my arcs) are always welcome to post
Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic