Wordmaker

Not bad, reads fairly well (I haven't yet read the other story to compare) in terms of understanding what's going on. At times you could go into more detail with the events in your character's life, in terms of illiciting emotion from the reader.

The story is very much a "Marcus did this, then this happened to him, so he did this." I'd have been more interested in seeing how losing his arms effected him emotionally, how he had the resources to build his new arms and his technology to give him his abilities, that sort of thing.

Those are primarily stylistic issues, and can be worked on and developed. The story isn't fantastic, but has potential. It's more a background summary than a story in and of itself.

Some things did jar me a bit, though. You don't give us your character's full name, and then refer to him by both his first and last names at different points, which is at first quite confusing. I'd again also like to have seen some details about why he's an "average genius," which is something of a throwaway comment, as though it's simply thrown in there as an excuse for why he can build his equipment. Indeed, nothing he does seems to take any real effort. It all seems to be very easy for him, and readers won't sympathise with a character who is not challenged.

You mention that his injuries were "fatal," which clearly does not fit. If his injuries had been fatal, he'd be dead.

Also, why name a male hero Vixen?

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I'm relatively new to the forum but my initial impression is that *generally* (b'cos i do *not* wish to pick on Zortel) people's responses are *sometimes* harsh and too often written with a flatulent tone.

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Just wondering...you do know that flatulent is a very insulting way to describe people's comments, right? Is this definitely the word you were looking for?

I found Zortel's post very constructive, fair, and well-written, and don't believe she has any reason to apologise. Further to this, Pious and BRICK000, Ryther has not indicated feeling anything close to the offense you both seem to have taken at this, so perhaps it's best to stop what you're doing.

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Zortel clearly sensed this in her feedback and felt the need to add "take this criticism constructively..." and in actual fact, her feedback is arguably constructive and/or positive.

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So, ater all that you've said (a lot of which was rather insulting to Zortel), you've turned around and said that you agree her comments were constructive. I personally think you owe her an apology, and should decide exactly what stance you're trying to take before you post.

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Bridger says, and I quote;

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And you've already said that Zortel's comments were construstive. You've just taken apart your entire argument.

At the end of the day, the OP took Zortel's comments on board in the manner they were intended, as constructive and helpful. Nothing you're currently saying is in any way constructive, and is bordering on flaming.

I misunderstood Stef in a conversation last night, whereby myself and Jen took it to understand she had written the article. I apologise for my error.

On the subject of gossip columns, such articles exist to illicit conversation based on the content. People are going to gossip about what happens in a gossip column.

Edit: I don't consider anything I've seen in Local chat, or the paper, to be an "issue." However, I do expect people to make comments in jest based on what they see. It's human nature, and we all do it.

The matter which has arisen will be dealt with privately.

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Okay, boys, I'd like to make a statement here, for the simple fact that you chose to once more ridicule my character. I do not wish to have any retaliations, if I do, I will poison your food. ;-)

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Well Stef, you're kind of evoking a response with that post. You're basically asking for one set of rules to apply to your character and a different set for other people's.

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Please be so kind as to refrain from mocking my character any further in public, it's starting to get on my nerves, and I doubt anyone would like to have one of theirs dragged through the mud. :-)

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1: You wrote the article, therefore putting your own character in the public eye as regards the forums. It is bound to lead to commentary. Yes, the article was about Doctor Temporis, but because of his relationship with Shadow's Grace, no comments made about him can avoid bringing about comments on her.

2: Shadow's Grace -has-, in all fairness, publicly behaved as though nothing Doctor Temporis does could possibly call for any form of accountability. She has often taken other characters to task for telling her when he's done something she may find offensive, but made no other public displays. If you want a character's behaviour to be commented on in a different way in public, change her behaviour in public.

3: Everyone's characters get made fun of from time to time. It happens. We're all guilty of it, including yourself. I've taken every comment made about Nevermore, Memory, and Alcatraz with good humour, because I know when I've done things that are dumb, or funny, or just plain bizarre, in hindsight. I don't see why different rules should apply to you.

If you want people to stop commenting about your character in certain ways, change your character's behaviour. I did.

Heck, I've heard people say they thought Ireland was a part of the UK. That got me.

Gotta agree on that one. She's Steam-Whipped!

Hmm, sounds like something you get on a latte...

They do. Usually if I'm responding to a specific poster, I'll type their name, or quote something they've typed.

Pious, replies are often made to the last message on a thread, instead of scrolling back up to an earlier post. Just because you see your name in the reply section, it doesn't mean that the poster is responding to you.

Ah, Birdy wrote it.

Ah, so that's the cover story the CDC gave...

Who wrote it? Bloody Doc getting all the credit.

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She's got a remarkably strong grip and high tolerance for weird stuff.

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Lucky Sean

That's briiliant! Just say that people are only allowed to take Slug and don't let them use Secondaries.

Woo! Party!

I'd say Memory would be up for it! Jazz bar!

That's cool! Nice work Z.

Alcatraz would love a night out with the boys, but since he's under 21 and has to behave, he's not really allowed.

Memory would definitely be up for a night out, though.

These arguments are going around and around.

The fact is, why would anyone buy a game if they -couldn't- create a character whose appearance they liked? The costume creator isn't there because it's a roleplay tool (if it were, we'd have secret identity modes from the start, Icon would be free, and any amount of suggestions that have been made over the months). The costume creator is there because it attracts players who want to play with pretty graphics. It is -the- most detailed character creator in any game. And that, is a selling point.

As for story-arcs, yes, once you complete it, it's completed for -you-. However, it is not completed for the 6 other people you regaularly team with (as an example). Other characters get those missions too, so you can go on them over and over again. I mean, on one character, I've defeated Dr. Vahzilok twice in as many weeks.

On the subject of other things, how many wedding bands does that woman in Striga have, anyway??

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Sorry to say this, but it's been done. Wordmaker has a character called Alcatraz who should be serving a lot of years in prison. Instead, they stuck a chip in his head that lets them monitor everything he does, and lets them cut his powers off if they want.

Thing is, Alcatraz does actually regret the act that got him locked up. At the time, he felt it was justified, but now he's not so sure. (At least, that's my take on it, Wordy might have a different opinion.)

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Yep. Alcatraz's entire concept is based around being the first volunteer for an experimental parole program. It's not a nice thing, he doesn't get paid much, has to strictly obey the law, and even has restrictions on where he's allowed to go. Several of his basic human rights are being violated by the program, but he figures it's a lot better than spending 30 years in prison.

And yes, thanks to the efforts of many people (not least of which is Velvet ) he does actually regret what he did. He's come a long way from being an angry, mouthy jerk. Still got some growing to do, though.

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To be honest, if you bring characters like that to GG, expect to be ignored by a lot of people

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Exactly. Before I changed Nevermore, his attitude was "the city can't handle its problems with the system that's in place, so I'm going to do it for them." While it worked from a personal perspective, no-one wanted to talk to him because of that attitude, and rightly so.

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Crow is quite happy to slaughter people if the need arrises. It's one of the things that old Nevermore and old Crow couldn't agree on. I dare say it's a bit of a bone of contention between the updated versions. Thing is, he doesn't mouth it around, and he doesn't kill unless it's required.

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These days, Nevermore's a lot more mellow as to what he believes other people should and should not do. He'd rather set an example instead of preach about the evils of killing.

Exactly.

This group you've proposed sounds just like the kind of people Nevermore would say were the reason he operated without a licence, back when the character was first made. People who are basically thugs given a piece of paper legally allowing them to be thugs.

Not saying you couldn't make such a group, but you'd probably have to come up with something a bit stronger than "they have Hero Licences, so you can't do anything" if you wanted them to interact with others, unless you wanted them to keep their darker activities a secret, or wanted to play out the inevitable confrontation that would happen once they met real heroes, and were willing to play out the consequences.

And yet again gaping holes are found when even the smallest espects of the game are taken IC...

Not that I'm disagreeing, just pointing out that the game is horribly inconsistent at the best of times.

I say again, Paragon is a police state.

Nevermore doesn't have a licence though

However, he operates by a certain standard and code of conduct which helps his public image, plus he's really good at not being caught.

I'm just saying, imagine you've set up a Supergroup which loads of people have interest in, then come back after an unavoidable absence to find, with no notification, that the entire SG list is now empty. How would you feel?

All it takes is one PM to explain "Listen, sorry we had to re-make the SG, but none of the Ranks can recruit members"

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Okay, the new Supergroup, "Liberty Squadron" has been set up, and so invites will be available from this afternoon once I get back from college.

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I assume you got Finn's permission?

I'm in! So long as you're open to a Blue Beetle/Iron Man/Daredevil type character.

The Mothman!

Exactly, Birdy. Flavour text and stuff is nice, but the term "less is more" should apply.