Umm... not wanting to be the damp on the fireworks, but I think your story could do with a little more, and some background research. I know you've said it's to be continued, but from what you've written the only reason I'd want to read is to find out the following:
1: Why Atta and Frostfire are going to Firebase Zulu. Together. It seems to be that from the story written they're working together. From what the leader of the pack of trolls says to the main characters, this adds confirmation to it. Trolls hate Outcasts. Outcasts hate Trolls. Hence the pitched battles in the Hollows. If your characters expressed some surprise at this unprecedented team up, then it may be a little bit easier to go along with.
2: From what I've seen, Crey and the Council have problems getting into the firebase. Without outside help, suspension of disbelief doesn't stretch long enough to cover the fact that two street gangs can get in.
Some writing points to touch upon too, but I'm not as good with my English to touch upon those points. With some more information and substance to the story, along with some more background inclusion it might be an interesting read with some potential.
All criticism to be taken constructively, if swallowed drink water and do not force self to throw up, seek medical attention immediently.
yeah i know i suck at story writing :P i was gonna add the background abit further inside the story, see DF and coston don't know why and how they got into Firebase Zulu anywhey
(Not much action mostly talking)
As DF and coston reached Firebase Zulu they found the place
overun by Supa Trolls. DF and coston managed to take them down but they were tremendously strong. coston saw a Supa Troll trying to crawl away but due to the pain he had taken he got nowhere.
"Tell me" said DF "why are Atta and Frostfire teaming up?"
the Troll said nothing
"let me try" said coston
"now listen here troll, option 1 is tell us why Atta and Frostfire are teaming up, why they are here and how they got here. Option 2 is we butt-whoop you 10X harder than we just did"
there was silence for awhile but the troll spoke
"Atta and frostfire team cause they keep both be defeated by heroes like you..they here to take over Firebase Zulu so they go to Portal Corps and destroy"
"and how did they get here?" coston replyed
"they knockout hero, take his teleporting device to get here"
DF and coston looked at each other
"well that explains it all now we just need to find out where they-"
before coston could finish he and DF got smashed by a boulder that weighed a ton! The mystirious Figure approched them, his face covered by a hood. He bent towards DF and coston and lifted the large boulder and tossed it away with ease. He then picked up DF and coston and walked into a Portal..
End of P2
I agree with Zortel's points there.
Also, I annoyingly correct grammar/spelling - so here goes.
[ QUOTE ]
"how could the trolls of gotten into Firebase Zulu?
[/ QUOTE ]
Have. Not of.
And gotten isn't a word.
How could trolls have got into Firebase Zulu? ¬_¬
[ QUOTE ]
And gotten isn't a word.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'd consider gotten in direct speech a word. Plus, from Wikitionary: gotten
(US) Past participle of to get.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
And gotten isn't a word.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'd consider gotten in direct speech a word. Plus, from Wikitionary: gotten
(US) Past participle of to get.
[/ QUOTE ]
Zortel's right 
. "Gotten" is in fact the original version of the word, but someone shortened it to "got". Blame Shakespeare*, he's responsible for most of our versions of words. Except "boredom", Charles Dickens invented that.
*Just because.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
And gotten isn't a word.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'd consider gotten in direct speech a word. Plus, from Wikitionary: gotten
(US) Past participle of to get.
[/ QUOTE ]
Zortel's right . "Gotten" is in fact the original version of the word, but someone shortened it to "got". Blame Shakespeare*, he's responsible for most of our versions of words. Except "boredom", Charles Dickens invented that.
*Just because.
[/ QUOTE ]
and that silly sod Dr johnson, who "standarised" the spelling of english, or as it apprent, chose the spellings he liked best and put them in, the git.
Dude, the people on here will fry you with criticism if you dare post a story.. i *always* hesitate to even stuff myself because i KNOW it'll get fried.
watch how they'll burn this one.
[mutters] bunch of intimidating x$^£+**&!
[ QUOTE ]
Dude, the people on here will fry you with criticism if you dare post a story.. i *always* hesitate to even stuff myself because i KNOW it'll get fried.
watch how they'll burn this one.
[mutters] bunch of intimidating x$^£+**&!
[/ QUOTE ]
My my, you do have a negative outlook. Comments like yours are most definately not what the writing community needs. Creative writing is a slowly dying art, we (I) want more people to at least try their hand at it.
The OP has potential. While his spelling and grasp of grammatical rules are well below average, he at least has a plotline; heck, what do you think editors are for? Anyone who wants to try and writes a story needs only two things:
1). Patience.
2). Plot.
The majority of people here will overlook various spelling errors (I've not seen one story posted so far without at least one typo) and grammatical faux-pas as long as the story is intriguing; and a lot of these same people, I'm aure, will offer constructive criticism. That is, advice, offers of beta reading, links to dictionary.com.
As I would hope, most people have read at least one story in their lifetime, you don't even need much natural talent. There are thousands of writing guidebooks out there, courses, teachers, websites; all of which are available to anyone who wants to improve their skill.
Keep writing, everyone. That's what I say. It doesn't matter how short/long/incomprehensible your piece is, as your skill will only improve with practice.
Pious, you don't think J.R.R. Tolkein woke up one morning and started writing Lord of the Rings without practice and advice do you? Please, in future, keep your negative comments to yourself unless they specifically help the OP.
[ QUOTE ]
coston
[/ QUOTE ]
Hmm..out of curiosity is this the coston, like the scrapper in the early level 40s? Brick000 and 'Rancher' being one of this alts?
Sorry sorry im just interested..
otherwise this does have some pace..maybe a bit more development on the characters! (Ill stop there otherwise ill sound pompous)
i *could* have sent that message to him in a PM, but i purposly posted it up front so everyone can see.
i admit it was rather negative, but that what i felt like saying... it does really tick me off when so many people consider it necessary to pile critism when the first post pretty much gives always covers everything.. my first few posts wear 'critised' so many times i felt ganged up on. even today i'm still a little intimidated.
i'm all for creative writing! i do alot of it myself but my early posts got the same criticism over and over again. when something's already been said and people prolong the thread with re-worded or re-phrased versions of the same criticism, it only discourages.
bahh! i tried so hard not to type this up. now it's all prolly gonna kick off... i'm off to write up something. i'll post it and see how i get burned. 
Taking this thread for example (Ryther, I'm so sorry for hijacking your thread!), there have only been two posts which contain anything close to criticism. Zortel gave advice by showing her confusion about certain parts of the story, which Ryther responded to well. Shimmer then picked up on a spelling error. That's it. Just those two small points, nothing offensive, no flaming, just sensible, polite constructive criticism.
As the majority of people on this forum are responsible, mature adults, I doubt very much that anything's going to "kick off"; and I also disbelieve your reasoning that just because a story isn't top-notch, everyone's going to jump on the author and start bashing him/her with insults and flames. Unless you can provide proof of this (please send it in a PM though, as I'd rather not start an all out war), I'm going to have to go with what I've seen with my own two eyes and say that people are generally nice.
I've seen some fabulous stories in the Creative forum (and here too), and some average ones; but none of them will please everybody. Mine for instance [/plug] is possibly too long, or too character-centric for some people. Others might be action, action, action which won't impress those who prefer some imagery and character development; and there are even those which are written in a stream-of-consciousness pattern, rather than plot outlined. But all are "good" in their own way.
The only time I'd be unimpressed with a story is when it'd painfully obvious that the author hasn't even tried, i.e. "She got up, went to the shops, came home and went to bed. The End," and that would only really be because it isn't a story, just a sentence.
You say people tend to pile on the criticism and repeat what's been said in previous posts? There could be many reasons for this...someone wants to agree with another's points, someone didn't understand that they shared the same views (everyone has a different style of writing, and some are incomphrehensible to me), perhaps the person thought they could voice the views of the other person in a slightly more understandable way? It's very rare that any decent critic will jump on you and say "That was awful, everything was bad, I hated it, give up!", though if they did, I'd advise you to ignore them. As with anything, only give up when you're ready, and even then, think twice. Don't let someone else tell you to stop doing something you enjoy (as long as no one gets hurt by it).
I'd like to read your piece once you've finished, and if needed, also if you'll let me? I'd like to provide advice.
*steps away from the soapbox*
Let's hear the rest of your story, Ryther! 
okay. here goes nothing... ah wait. i'll start my own thread. forgoten this is Ryther's. Mine'll be .. Paragon Protector or somink along those lines.
Lets hear the rest of you story Ryther. me like. troll funny.
jajajajaja
[ QUOTE ]
i'm all for creative writing! i do alot of it myself but my early posts got the same criticism over and over again. when something's already been said and people prolong the thread with re-worded or re-phrased versions of the same criticism, it only discourages.
[/ QUOTE ]
A lot of the criticism I have seen is actually constructive, suggesting things that could be done to make it better. That's a good thing, you should be pleased that people are helping you.
[ QUOTE ]
Umm... not wanting to be the damp on the fireworks, but I think your story could do with a little more, and some background research. I know you've said it's to be continued, but from what you've written the only reason I'd want to read is to find out the following:
1: Why Atta and Frostfire are going to Firebase Zulu. Together. It seems to be that from the story written they're working together. From what the leader of the pack of trolls says to the main characters, this adds confirmation to it. Trolls hate Outcasts. Outcasts hate Trolls. Hence the pitched battles in the Hollows. If your characters expressed some surprise at this unprecedented team up, then it may be a little bit easier to go along with.
2: From what I've seen, Crey and the Council have problems getting into the firebase. Without outside help, suspension of disbelief doesn't stretch long enough to cover the fact that two street gangs can get in.
Some writing points to touch upon too, but I'm not as good with my English to touch upon those points. With some more information and substance to the story, along with some more background inclusion it might be an interesting read with some potential.
All criticism to be taken constructively, if swallowed drink water and do not force self to throw up, seek medical attention immediently.
[/ QUOTE ] i agree with what pious is saying if you aint got anything good to say dont say anything, just read the story stop picking up on all the "slight" mistakes
YAY! finally, someone that understands my points. *dances a hapy dance* cheers Brick.
have a g'day
okay, you said "a lot of the criticism i have seen is actually quite constructive..." but i am pointing out the one's that *aren't* so constructive.. and i am simply saying what Brick000 clarified.. "...stop picking up on 'slight' mistakes" and quit flattening the peiece of work.
I *would* quote Zortel's rather intimidating review on Ryther's story but i feel its been quoted enough... just look at the man's reaction to what he or she said..
[ QUOTE ]
yeah i know i suck at story writing...
[/ QUOTE ]
now tell me if what she said *encouraged* him or rather made him feel [censored].
think about it. ... and thats basically what i'm trying to put an end to. it's got to stop.
on a lighter note...
this morning i read Captain_Morgan's response to my very first posted story and he gave a *proper* and *constructive* critism. and to be honest.. it has made an *awesome* start to my day. cheers again Captain. *shuts an eye, twists his mouth to a corner and says "Aye 'aye" with a jolly thumbs-up. 
[ QUOTE ]
but i am pointing out the one's that *aren't* so constructive.. and i am simply saying what Brick000 clarified.. "...stop picking up on 'slight' mistakes" and quit flattening the peiece of work.
I *would* quote Zortel's rather intimidating review on Ryther's story but i feel its been quoted enough... just look at the man's reaction to what he or she said..
[ QUOTE ]
yeah i know i suck at story writing...
[/ QUOTE ]
now tell me if what she said *encouraged* him or rather made him feel [censored].
[/ QUOTE ]
If you noticed, Zortel kindly said "Take this criticism constructively. Was she trying to make him feel [censored]? No. The criticism I saw was always followed a bit like this "If your characters expressed some surprise at this unprecedented team up, then it may be a little bit easier to go along with. ". See? Constructive. You also ommited the :P from Ryther's post. Perhaps it was a little harsh, but I really do not think "it's got to stop". I think some people just take it in the wrong way.
EDIT: Oh, and also: just read Cap'n Morgan's comment on your stories... I can't see much difference between the criticism there and Zortel's criticism, apart from the "Keep it up!". Just to let you know my view.
ahh.. so you agree that the feedback *was* a little harsh.
case settled?
Y'know, I've resisted this post for a while, but that coming from BRICK000, whose conduct over broadcast about the arena in Galaxy City is less than 'constructive', makes me think of the pot calling the kettle black.
If I was going to be intimidating and rip a story to shreds, I'd rip it to shreds. But no, I pointed out things in the story, suggested ways to change them and also, at the end of my post I did say that with some work it could be an interesting story with potential. Yes, perhaps I could have sugar-coated my words for easier to swallow abilities, but 'tis a little late for that.
The second part that Ryther put up shows a bit more of that promise. Yes, there are still tweakings that could be done with the writing style (Capitalization, mostly. While not important to the content of the story, it does make it read better.), it gives a reason to why two enemies might team up together, in this case to fight back against the strength of the heroes in their 'turf', the Hollows. Perhaps a little more descriptive text and emotion is needed from the main characters, but then again it's easy to get bogged down in it, and even I find it hard sometimes to get that balence right.
[ QUOTE ]
ahh.. so you agree that the feedback *was* a little harsh.
[/ QUOTE ] I can agree that my feedback was unintentionally a little harsh, and could have done with a rewrite before posting, but what's done is done and I can't really change what's happened, though in future I will try to make my views on peoples work less 'intimidating.'
I'm relatively new to the forum but my initial impression is that *generally* (b'cos i do *not* wish to pick on Zortel) people's responses are *sometimes* harsh and too often written with a flatulent tone.
Zortel probably sensed this in her feedback and felt the need to add "take this criticism constructively..."
Bridger says, and I quote;
[ QUOTE ]
Please keep all feedback positive and/or constructive. Consider how you would feel if someone attacked something you have worked hard to create, and respect the effort that others have made.
[/ QUOTE ]
ah. ok. cool. Sorry to have used your feedback *only* to express my concern... I always have trouble recalling unwanted memory.. so your recent crit was pretty much all I could remember, honest to God.
[ QUOTE ]
I'm relatively new to the forum but my initial impression is that *generally* (b'cos i do *not* wish to pick on Zortel) people's responses are *sometimes* harsh and too often written with a flatulent tone.
[/ QUOTE ]
Just wondering...you do know that flatulent is a very insulting way to describe people's comments, right? Is this definitely the word you were looking for?
I found Zortel's post very constructive, fair, and well-written, and don't believe she has any reason to apologise. Further to this, Pious and BRICK000, Ryther has not indicated feeling anything close to the offense you both seem to have taken at this, so perhaps it's best to stop what you're doing.
[ QUOTE ]
Zortel clearly sensed this in her feedback and felt the need to add "take this criticism constructively..." and in actual fact, her feedback is arguably constructive and/or positive.
[/ QUOTE ]
So, ater all that you've said (a lot of which was rather insulting to Zortel), you've turned around and said that you agree her comments were constructive. I personally think you owe her an apology, and should decide exactly what stance you're trying to take before you post.
[ QUOTE ]
Bridger says, and I quote;
[/ QUOTE ]
And you've already said that Zortel's comments were construstive. You've just taken apart your entire argument.
At the end of the day, the OP took Zortel's comments on board in the manner they were intended, as constructive and helpful. Nothing you're currently saying is in any way constructive, and is bordering on flaming.
Okay, here we go, little buddy...
[ QUOTE ]
YAY! finally, someone that understands my points. *dances a hapy dance* cheers Brick.
have a g'day
[/ QUOTE ]
Let's see here, I'm sorry Pious, but the first thing that springs to mind, is to ask you for your age. This is in no way, shape or form a comment that adds anything to the actual thread, apart from flaming, which, if I may remind you, is against the rules of use of the forums.
Moving on to the next;
[ QUOTE ]
ahh.. so you agree that the feedback *was* a little harsh.
case settled?
[/ QUOTE ]
Again, all this does, is add to the flame war you have turned this thread into. Yes, you. All people were doing, was writing and giving Constructive critiscism, then along comes you, supposedly defending the OP, whilst the original poster was actually appreciating it. If the guy/girl needed this, I am sure he/she would have said so for his/herself.
Again, thus, the conclusion, that you are flaming. This, btw, goes for Brick as well.
Then finally;
[ QUOTE ]
I'm relatively new to the forum but my initial impression is that *generally* (b'cos i do *not* wish to pick on Zortel) people's responses are *sometimes* harsh and too often written with a flatulent tone.
Zortel probably sensed this in her feedback and felt the need to add "take this criticism constructively..."
Bridger says, and I quote;
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please keep all feedback positive and/or constructive. Consider how you would feel if someone attacked something you have worked hard to create, and respect the effort that others have made.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[/ QUOTE ]
You're new to the forum, right, fair enough, don't you then think it -might- possibly be a good idea to -not- shout off the tallest tower you can find, in a rather offensive manner, that could well be conceived as flaming or trolling, something that can get you banned from the forums, and see what the community on the forums is like? Respect is earned, not taken, and frankly, mate, you've done nearly nothing but create disrespect for yourself on the forums since you joined on the 24th of feb 2006.
Also, I think you might want to consider the word 'flatulent'. If indeed you realise the meaning of this word, which is gas produced by one of your orifices, then you truly are insulting people. If you tried, however, to say something else with it, I suggest not using words you do not know the meaning of to try and sound more impressive.
As for what Zortel may or may not have felt, I think you hhave no right to speak for what she may or may not have felt, speculating out loud in such a manner is considered rude and inconsiderate, thus, you are doing exactly what you initially accused her of. Bit hypocritical, don't you think?
Perhaps you should read the rules of conduct in general on the forum, not just the story rules, because you have crossed many, many rules yourself, over something for which you have no leg to stand on.
Have a nice day.
Edit: P.s.
I think enough damage has been done to this thread, let's respect the OP's post, if anything more is needed to be said about this, please create your own thread, or feel free to take it up with anyone you have trouble with in private.
Thank you
Dark Fighter(aka DF)and his brother coston was rounding up some trolls in the hollows as they were hearding a bunch of cops helpless to fight back.As they took out a large band of Trolls their leader glared at DF and coston with sharp angry eyes and spoke out
"you never kill Atta and Frostfire they kill you!"
DF and coston looked at each other confused as the Troll leader fainted.They found a piece of paper showing the location of Atta and Frostfire. It seemed that they are at a base at Firebase Zulu. Coston was confused
"how could the trolls of gotten into Firebase Zulu? there's no way they could of gotten inside and it's amazingly far away!"
DF glanced up at coston and said
"i have no idea, but im guessing that they are setting up a trap..."
there was silence. Silence broken by a large gust of wind, as they started heading to Firebase Zulu.
To Be Continued...Soon