What a Way to Go...

So we will be seeing one of the Surviving Eight going the way of the Dodo in the upcoming Signature Arcs. They have not announced who will be the one receiving the great golden boot to the City of Afterlife but I am sure they will handle the unfortunate one's passing with dignity... respect... and great attention to story and emotional content...

... YAWN ...

That being said... here's a few thoughts on how *I* would have greased some heroes...

Statesman

* Death due to complications resulting from multiple concussions specific to the area of the head NOT covered by his helmet.

* Convulsions followed by death resulting from the stick up his *** finally reaching his brain stem.

* Complete physical collapse as a result of total exhaustion as it turns out he really WAS Emperor Cole and Statesman at the same time. He just wanted to live out some dark fantasies while still being able to keep up his image as a "good guy."

* Complications due to secondary infections brought on by spider bite.

Sister Psyche

* Complete mental degeneration, diagnosed clinical insanity and eventualy psychic suicide after mind-riding for ten minutes with Steelclaw.

* Malignant, aggressive skin cancer from wearing a practically see-through costume and standing out in the sun all-day, every-day for the last 7 years.

* Complications and infections resulting from surgeries to remove a "trick arrow" from an undisclosed location of her body. Doctors would not provide details; only claiming that the arrow was "not intentionally lethal in design." Manticore's only comment was "I knew I shouldn't have shot it at such close range."

* Mobbed and trampled by fan-boys after making an appearance at Comic-Con as a booth girl.

Manticore

* Forgetting to shield his thoughts when his wife asked him a direct question about Swan.

* Misjudging the potential blast radius of his new pocket nuke arrowhead.

* Suggesting a few attractive female heroines his wife could mind-ride to when her current body got "old and ugly."

* Losing his temper when Blue Steel told one too many short jokes.

Positron

* "Huh, guess he needed the armor 24/7 after all..."

* On channel six news tonight, Positron dead after Steelclaw glues a Rust Monster to his back while the famed hero was cruising at 1000 feet. When asked why he did it Steelclaw replied "Because it was hungry."

* In the culmination of his love for Numina, kills himself to be with her. However, being one of the very few male ghosts in CoH lore, finds himself as the rope in a tug-of-war between Numina, War Witch and Ghost Widow. Later quoted saying "I should have done this YEARS ago!"

* Beaten to death with a video camera by a very angry woman, identity unknown, who screamed "How (whack) could (whack) you?! (whack) Do you (crunch) know (crunch) how long (thunk) it took (schluck) to write (squelch) all that?!" Any help identifying this women would be greatly appreciated.

Numina

* Though that Positron had left the refridgerator door open again and went toward the light.

* Ghost Widow finally decided there was only room in the lore for ONE spectral hotty.

* Unknown, but clearly agitated woman puts in a call to Ghostbusters.

* Unable to really die in her current state, is downsized by the development team. Discovers finding work is difficult for one in her circumstances, eventually hired by large sprawling hotel with a history to do part-time haunting in an effort to draw more guests.

Citadel

* Mixes his hardware with a complete stranger's software. Later on repeated I/O failures lead him to seek the help of a specialist with additional complaints of depleted RAM and lacking in his Drive. Is informed he has contracted a terminal virus.

* Against his better judgement he installs a Microsoft OS. Two hours later his vision goes entirely blue and he knows no more.

* Accidentally sets his spam filter to "Accept All". Does NOT die, but his processes become so slow everyone THINKS he's dead and buries him anyway.

* Clicks "Yes" to an Apple Corporation I-Tunes End User Agreement without reading the terms first. Never heard from again but six months later Apple comes out with the I-Citadel.

Back Alley Brawler

* Meteor lands on him.

* Dies of shock and massive trauma after forgetting to remove his power gloves prior to his "private time."

* Looking for a new gig once his Galaxy City duties are no longer required; opens his own restaurant called "The Back Alley Broiler." Dies of food poisoning three weeks later.

* Tenders his resignation when he gets a job with another video game publisher as the title character in an upcoming re-make. Unfortunately, "Back Alley Brawler's Punch-Out!" is scrapped before it goes into production.

Synapse

* Steelclaw ties his shoe laces together then screams "Synapse! The Skyway Bank is being robbed and the bad guys are getting away!"

* Is dared to drink 60 cans of Red Bull in under 30 seconds. Wins the bet. Spontaneously explodes.

* "Hey Synapse! Bet you can't vibrate your atoms and pass through solid objects at high speeds like the Flash can!"

* Doesn't pay attention to his calendar and mistakenly shows up for work on the day Mynx enters her heat cycle.

* Synapse's Girlfriend: "It says right here 'lasting longer than four HOURS!" How were we supposed to know there was a time adjustment for super speedsters?! And can someone please put a cloth over his face or something?! It's creeping me out to have him smiling at me like that..."


Hmmm... you know... this is probably why the Dev team doesn't invite me to write any story arcs.

*applauds*

Each one had at least one to which I audibly chuckled. Big fan of the "Rust Monster" :P

Now I want them ALL to die!!

Each and every one of them, in each and every way listed.

I want Samuraiko to film them too*



(* She may need an extra camera and a secondary cameraman for one of them)

That was great especially the ones with Samuraiko.

New one that occurred to me while driving.

Synapse died when Coyote, left with nothing to do since losing the Outbreak gig, painted a picture of a tunnel on a wall at the end of a dead end street.


On a related note, I would LOVE to see a video taking the soundtrack from an original Warner Bros Road Runner cartoon and following the same action only with Synapse and Coyote as the visual.

5 stars, Steelclaw.

That was total GREATNESS, Steelclaw!