Some help with a WIP

So, I have a major challenge in one of my monthly art battles, and I've decided to post my WIP ahead of time in the hopes that I'll get enough feed back to give me a fighting chance.

The challenge was 'Sentry' from Marvel. I decided against a one-shot pin-up, and have gone with some sequential pages. I also thought that adding Ironman into the mix might be cool.

Here's page 1 and 2... but I'm seriously thinking of inserting a page in between them.

So, can it stand as is, or do I need to add another page? Also, if I do add another page, what the heck should I put on it?

My thoughts, for what they're worth...

Don't know much about Sentry but I think he's like Superman power level wise? Basically the strongest, most invulnerable... And if that is close to right I don't know if I see Iron Man as having a chance so the end doesn't have quite the shock value it could. Square him off againt the Hulk or maybe Thor and I'd be more wowed?

(note, haven't read comics regulary in about 2 decades so power levels of characters as I remember and imagine may he different/ have changed.)

My next issue is with the flying at each other panel. All in all it's a scene that has been done. You need to spice it up a bit more somehow. Perhaps have IM racing towards a waiting Sentry instead, Sentry either being unaware or almost bored by the attack. Or perhaps a perspective not used often... I was just thinking that placing the camera at about the small of IM's back and a but above could look pretty cool. That would probably show enough IM to make him identifiable and still pretty much give us things from his pov...

Anyway, point is that I think this scene needs to be livened up a bit somehow, just how doesn't matter much.

The last scene has also been done before but being a classic scene it can be done again without too much drawback... And it looks great so far so I am all for keeping that scene... Though perhaps this should he a whole page...

But what about the BOOM? Well, if you change the flying towards one another scene to make it more dramatic, more imminent, more epic, you could almost leave off the boom entirely. Show the boom via the results! Perhaps some lingering dust clouds in the last panel... I think I'd rather skip big sound effect panels but that may be just a personal preference...

Anyway, in my opinion I think you need to snazz up the coming together scene but if you do that in a cool enough way you do not need an in between page... And in fact the fighting page (the most obvious between page subject) would likely just take away from the impact of the suddenness of the final page.


Hmmm, only idea I can think of that could be interesting and keep the impact would be a flashback to show why the two heroes are fighting but that would be hard to pull off quickly and succinctly enough to note lose the suddenness impact...

Anyway, just my thoughts... (and final panel does look like it could come out awesome...)

Thanks so much guys. So far, some interesting ideas for shifting a few panels that I hadn't thought of.

Keep 'em coming, ppl. I've got a few weeks before I really have to have this solid.

Here are some modified roughs. I'm still considering (and am open to) some additional changes.

Hope you guys can figure out what I'm doing in these chicken scratches.

pg1


pg2


p3 (but room for more at the top (?)

Really like the direction this is going Juggs. I can't really add much myself that hasn't already been suggested. Though I can say this one bit. Sentry's powers are retarded OP so just about anyone (cept maybe Pheonix) wouldn't stand much of a realistc (in comicland) chance so keep with Ironman since yeah.... he is pretty damn cool.

I was going to suggest something like your new workup, except not quite so epic. And then I forgot about it while hunting down information about Sentry, which turned into trolling Wikipedia for comic lore, which turn into trolling Google images for pictures of comic covers, and then I closed the window and went to bed....

lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dispari I don't know why Dink thinks she's not as sexy as Jay was. In 5 posts she's already upstaged his entire career.

my opinion...

1st page
I'd make the first panel larger.
2nd/3rd be an eye shot of both, shrinking it.
4th panel should have trailing perspective behind one of the heroes and add screams/roars from either.

2nd page remove the BOOM, shrink the image with the chars higher on the page and fit fully on the page, and add a caption.

I had earlier thought (before I also got caught in one of those surf-happy tangents) that the scenes had no context or consequence. But your "not yet" gives it some consequence. Perhaps something in the backgrounds will indicate what they're fighting over, or whether they're ignoring/protecting innocents in the background, and what might be the collateral damage of the BOOM.

Since backgrounds often come last, perhaps just a few words (even dialogue) to indicate the reason for the match-up. Then expressions, behaviour can be tweaked to match.

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So, here's how they're looking so far. I obviously haven't incorporated everyone's thoughts, but I'm hoping I touched on some of the strongest suggestions for change.

pg1


pg2


pg3


Sound effects and dialogue to be added.

Any thoughts?

Very cool.

It all works for me and very clearly shows the story of a very one sided fight. I'd almost prefer if it was just a one punch fight and the top 3 panels of page 3 showed IM trying to maintain consciousness/flight but failing... But that's just me. The fight scene works great as well.

it's great but there does something title or as decoration on the top of page 1?
This seems a bit empty, everything else is perfect but these two little characters make me weird ...

He hasn't added the text yet, as he said at the bottom of the post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dispari I don't know why Dink thinks she's not as sexy as Jay was. In 5 posts she's already upstaged his entire career.

All your adding of panels makes it worse.

You don't need to explicitly draw every single action. You need to tell the story and let the reader/viewer build the rest in their mind. That's half the art of sequential art.

All you've done is cluttered things up, told the same story, and it's no more fetching than before. And that is largely due to what's there and not what isn't. Also none of the panels are very dynamic. One of the panels give scope but that one is very boring.

Here's a different take at page 1

Yeah, this version, I buy !

I think the new page 1 gives me a better feeling of a stand off at the O.K. Corral (above the city) than the original. So I give the latest a big thumbs up! So would your page 2 be just the big punch? I'm good with that.

this is just my opinion ... but I say ...
- the new page 1,
- the first two panels of page 3 at the top of page 2 (instead of the 2 characters rushing at each other) the big punch (already on page 2) below it, and
- then the hanging limp image of page 3 on page 3 ...

and that's it (the big punch in the face isn't really necessary imo).