That's a cool story you got there mate, would've been cool to get alittle more detail from the space war but still, a very nice read 
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Isnt the three laws of robotics from a film? Im not saying which one though ... 
NO!!!!!!
Nonononononono!
No No NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The three (or four in later times) of robotics are from a BOOK!
Books are made of paper and can be found in libraries and shops and other such places. The three laws of robotics are from Isaac Asimov's "I, Robot" series.
READ THEM.
If you can't find them, I'll post you the series - I'm about to sell off my dad's Sci Fi collection and might have a spare copy.
Haha, a new colour! I like it 
SWAT speaks truth! Thanks SWAT, saved me ranting 
.
�How do I like my MMOs? I like them the way Paragon Studios used to make them.� - a fitting tribute from kiasa.org
EU, Union mostly.
thanks for the replies, its one of my first stories ive written, my last one i didnt get any replies to, ill just go and write the next one.
I am the Blaster, I have filled the role of Tank, Controller and Defender
Sometimes all at once.
Union EU player! Pip pip, tally ho, top hats and tea etc etc
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Books are made of paper and can be found in libraries and shops and other such places. The three laws of robotics are from Isaac Asimov's "I, Robot" series.
[/ QUOTE ]
A popular misconception in fact... If you read 'The Early Asimov, Volume 1', Asimov himself states that he and a magazine editor named John Campbell hashed out the three laws together. Campbell apparently insisted Asimov take the credit as he had the original idea and Campbell merely helped bring it to fruition. Asimov insists Campbell did most of the work... ;p
And they were first postulated for the story "Robbie", contained within the "I, Robot" anthology of short stories...
It is accepted that the 3 (now 4) laws themselves have become public domain throughout the years, but as a mark of respect, the only books where they are quoted in full are Asimov's own. Other authors only usually reference them in passing. For peoples interest, the laws are:
1) A robot may not harm a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) A robot must obey all orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would break the first law
3) A robot must protect its own existance, except where such protection would break the first or second laws.
In later books, Asimov added an additional law, postulated by a telepathic robot and later implemented by a humaniform robot. That is:
0) A robot may not harm humanity, or through inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.
The other three laws were then suitable modified.
And there ends today's lesson on the three laws of robotics! 
Oh, and Commander Beet. An interesting story, with some good ideas. Not wishing to cause offence, I offer some honest opinions. PLEASE don't take them personally, I mean them only to provide honest thoughts as to how the story comes across!
As a whole, the story seemed somewhat rambling, as if there was little direction. Your timescale at the start, for the length of the project was a little odd, 2 weeks and 18 days? Surely that should be 4 weeks and 4 days? In which case, 8 months and 3 days or so perhaps? A minor point, but a little confusing.
When it accessed the internet, why did it do this? What there a purpose for that? Something I felt could have been explained to the reader. Then when it spoke (connecting a speaker to a hard drive, huh?), it didn't seem to know why it had done that. And when it tried to attack it's creator, the laws of robotics wouldn't permit it to even attempt this, and I couldn't see why it did that anyway.
The space war I found most confusing. The first part seemed to deal with something in our own time, then jumps to almost 2000 years later. This section I felt needed considerable fleshing out and better explanation.
PLEASE don't take any offence at my criticism!!! I enjoyed the story in itself as a bare bones framework for BEET's genesis, but I felt the way it was put accross needs some work to become a solid story. I hope you can take my thoughts and use them to help you with the next story!
@FloatingFatMan
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Books are made of paper and can be found in libraries and shops and other such places. The three laws of robotics are from Isaac Asimov's "I, Robot" series.
[/ QUOTE ]
A popular misconception in fact... If you read 'The Early Asimov, Volume 1', Asimov himself states that he and a magazine editor named John Campbell hashed out the three laws together. Campbell apparently insisted Asimov take the credit as he had the original idea and Campbell merely helped bring it to fruition. Asimov insists Campbell did most of the work... ;p
And they were first postulated for the story "Robbie", contained within the "I, Robot" anthology of short stories...
It is accepted that the 3 (now 4) laws themselves have become public domain throughout the years, but as a mark of respect, the only books where they are quoted in full are Asimov's own. Other authors only usually reference them in passing. For peoples interest, the laws are:
1) A robot may not harm a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) A robot must obey all orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would break the first law
3) A robot must protect its own existance, except where such protection would break the first or second laws.
In later books, Asimov added an additional law, postulated by a telepathic robot and later implemented by a humaniform robot. That is:
0) A robot may not harm humanity, or through inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.
The other three laws were then suitable modified.
And there ends today's lesson on the three laws of robotics!
Oh, and Commander Beet. An interesting story, with some good ideas. Not wishing to cause offence, I offer some honest opinions. PLEASE don't take them personally, I mean them only to provide honest thoughts as to how the story comes across!
As a whole, the story seemed somewhat rambling, as if there was little direction. Your timescale at the start, for the length of the project was a little odd, 2 weeks and 18 days? Surely that should be 4 weeks and 4 days? In which case, 8 months and 3 days or so perhaps? A minor point, but a little confusing.
When it accessed the internet, why did it do this? What there a purpose for that? Something I felt could have been explained to the reader. Then when it spoke (connecting a speaker to a hard drive, huh?), it didn't seem to know why it had done that. And when it tried to attack it's creator, the laws of robotics wouldn't permit it to even attempt this, and I couldn't see why it did that anyway.
The space war I found most confusing. The first part seemed to deal with something in our own time, then jumps to almost 2000 years later. This section I felt needed considerable fleshing out and better explanation.
PLEASE don't take any offence at my criticism!!! I enjoyed the story in itself as a bare bones framework for BEET's genesis, but I felt the way it was put accross needs some work to become a solid story. I hope you can take my thoughts and use them to help you with the next story!
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now.. let me think, how could i figure this out... hmm...
about the 2 weeks and 18 days, the amount of days in a week was increased to 21 in 2913 after a religious act was carried out when scrolls were found in france.
why did it access the internet? well, BEET was supposed to be a learning robot so accessed the internet to learn anything that could be known from as many web pages he could access before the computer near enough blew up.
there was a slight glitch with the laws of robotics in the BEET's programming so the laws didnt kick in until slightly after they were supposed to, and he attacked due to confusion and after seeing how corrupt the world had been throughout time.
the war is the next story...
I am the Blaster, I have filled the role of Tank, Controller and Defender
Sometimes all at once.
Union EU player! Pip pip, tally ho, top hats and tea etc etc
Hehehe... nice explaining
Okay, all of this is intended as constructive criticism, not as a personal one.
1: Grammar and spelling. Get someone to proofread your work, and learn to capitalise and use apostophes when appropriate. Bad grammar and spelling will ruin any story, no matter how well-written, and your piece is, unfortunately, full of it.
2: Story. There is no actual story here. We have no description of setting, no context in which to place the piece, and no characterisation of any kind. As FFM said, it comes across as rambling, like a stream of consciousness without any real aim and structure.
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about the 2 weeks and 18 days, the amount of days in a week was increased to 21 in 2913 after a religious act was carried out when scrolls were found in france.
[/ QUOTE ]
And how is the reader supposed to know this? The reader only knows what's written, what you explain, describe, and imply through use of words. Incidentally, why would the number of days in a week be changed to nearly the number of days in a month? That makes no sense, unless you describe the changing of days used to define a month. Generally, in terms of storytelling, altering how humanity measures time creates nothing but confusion and frustration in a reader, because every time a date is mentioned, the reader needs to stop and convert the measurments into ones they understand, distracting them from the story.
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why did it access the internet? well, BEET was supposed to be a learning robot so accessed the internet to learn anything that could be known from as many web pages he could access before the computer near enough blew up.
[/ QUOTE ]
Again, how is the reader to know this? You did not explain the purpose behind the robot's creation, nor what it was doing. And as an aside, a computer would not blow up from over-use like that. Firstly, because in the early 21st century in which we live, we have surge protectors, which cause all power going to an appliance to stop in the event of a build-up of too much power. Secondly, what happens to your PC when you run too many programs at once? It crashes and freezes. At -worst-, certain components in the PC may catch fire due to old or faulty parts, but that's it.
[ QUOTE ]
there was a slight glitch with the laws of robotics in the BEET's programming so the laws didnt kick in until slightly after they were supposed to, and he attacked due to confusion and after seeing how corrupt the world had been throughout time.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'd imagine the glitch was in the -programming-, not the laws themselves. And, it's a robot. How can it be confused? You give no indication that it is programmed to have or express emotion, nor do you explain the thoughts it has during this "confusion", yet you seem to expect us to believe that this scientist would accept that he was nearly attacked as a normal part of the robot's function.
Basically, your grammar is, quite frankly, terrible. Your piece has no direction, lacks depth, consideration for the reader's need form information, and makes little sense.
In the long history of mankind's meeting with new cultures on our own planet, the disovery of a new civiliation creates a ripple of effects as new ideas, beliefs, and philosophies are shared, along with new technologies and practices. I find it imposible to believe that mankind made contact with an alien race, and the most imprtant things that were shared between these two species was a new colour (which is scientifically impossible for the human eye to perceive, even if one did exist, I believe...), and a new word for television.
Saying that world peace was declared "some time" after 2006 is a throwaway comment which indicates you didn't really put all that much thought into this futuristic setting you are trying to create. The long jumps in time between the years you mention backs this up, as though you are simply trying to take your story as far into the future as possible without really developing a history of events for it.
Indeed, even stating that the activation of Beet in the first year you mention is the beginning of robotics shows a lack of understanding or attention to real world history. Robotics have been in development since the mid twentieth century, and though true artificial intelligence is currently beyond modern science, I sincerely doubt that, 900 years down the line, the best mankind will have achieved is a barely-intelligent robot which needs to use the internet to learn about humanity.
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the war is the next story...
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My advice? In all honesty, learn grammar and proper spelling, read some material on storytelling and writing (there's a large amount of it you can find for free on the internet), develop your setting, your characters, and decide what you want your plot to be, and start again from the beginning.
Further critique would seem rather pointless.
However:
New colour: Well, Terry Pratchett gets away with it by describing Octarine as "the colour produced by light refracted through a strong magical field." Pretty much any other excuse is just being silly. Humans have names for every band of the spectrum already, and can only perceive the band we have specific colour names for. And any muppet can mix paints to create 'a new colour'.
Giving TV to the aliens: An alien race has discovered interstellar travel, but they haven't figured out how to transmit moving pictures over radio waves? Frankly, that would make operating the starships tough.
Changing the length of a week: Days are the amount of time it takes for the Earth to revolve once. Months were (originally) based on the time it takes for the moon to revolve around the Earth. Years are the time it takes the Earth to revolve around the sun. None of these measurements fit nicely into each other.
The week is an entirely arbitrary length designed to divide a month into quarters (a lunar month being about 28 days). While a 21 day week is also totally arbitrary, it has no advantage over a 7 day week and there would be no logical reason for it.
Not only did you not explain the change in week length, but you didn't explain why it was changed. I'd imagine that's because you thought a 21 day week would sound weird and futuristic, where-as it just sounds silly. (BTW, I can justify a 21 day week based on your history, and I still think it's dumb.)
Some advice about writing: write what you know.
Imagination is great, but it needs to be based on knowledge. You clearly know nothing much about robotics, electronics, or computers. Either go out and do the research, or don't write about robots.
PS. William Gibson knew little to nothing about computers and networking before he wrote Neuromancer, so he made the equipment used totally fantastic, and did a bit of research on what actually happens. The technology in Gibson's books is quite believable, but even then some of his stuff is cringeworthy.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
Nice story beet keep it up!
ok ok, i know my grammar isnt good... infact its horrible, but i like to use my imagination and writing helps me use it. indeed i do leave stuff out, which is for you to think about in any way you want. indeed i am kinda crappy at it, it could be better and i need to check it over for the grammar, not sure how i can but still.
i think ill carry on writing the next one when im a bit brain-boxed, maybe at school because when i wrote this one i was a bit tired and it was kinda late, hence the bad grammar and for some of it not making sence, the next one will be better, i promise 
I am the Blaster, I have filled the role of Tank, Controller and Defender
Sometimes all at once.
Union EU player! Pip pip, tally ho, top hats and tea etc etc
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but i like to use my imagination and writing helps me use it
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That's good, that's healthy. But you should be aware that putting your work on a public forum invites the kind of comments we've made. Not all of them will be good.
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indeed i do leave stuff out, which is for you to think about in any way you want.
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Well, when I see things left out, it makes me think that the writer is either lazy, lacking in knowledge of the subject matter, or just ignorant of the reader's needs. It doesn't come across as favourable at all.
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it could be better and i need to check it over for the grammar, not sure how i can but still.
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For a start: learn how to spell, and learn basic grammar. And I do mean basic. If you want to write, I would seriously recommend buying a primary school grammar book and starting there, because, as much as I hate to say it, it looks, from your story and your posts, that you don't know any. Might I ask if English is your first language?
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i think ill carry on writing the next one when im a bit brain-boxed, maybe at school because when i wrote this one i was a bit tired and it was kinda late, hence the bad grammar and for some of it not making sence, the next one will be better, i promise
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Again, your grammar problems aren't just present in your story, but also this post. Learn to use the Shift key at least.
To be blunt, read over the advice you were given. This piece is not a good story, at all. If you seriously enjoy writing, sugar-coating that fact will do you no good. If you want to write, start simple, with what you know. You don't try to drive across a country before you learn how to drive a car.
Harsh but fair
Perhaps the OP is dyslexic? It would explain the grammer and puctuation certainly. I know these are fields i also lack in (i over use apostrophies and commas).
For a stream of thought type presentation you might be better to consider writing in a monologue or a first person format (me, I) rather than a 3rd person (he, she, they).
Also pay some consideration to the tense (past, present, furture) as mixed tenses can be somewhat disorientataing.
I look forward to seeing how much you improve
no, im not dyslexic, but i do have something which causes me severe memory loss at times, plus im going through some depression currently and ive got a short attension span which comes along with the memory loss..
I am the Blaster, I have filled the role of Tank, Controller and Defender
Sometimes all at once.
Union EU player! Pip pip, tally ho, top hats and tea etc etc
Generally I think if you can take the constructive criticisms on board and really think about the story and the reasons behind things that you have happen in it you could do well. Generally I get the feeling that you have covered too much ground in too short a space of time. If you wouldn't mind holding off writing part 2 of the story I would like to see the original story fleshed out and re-written with some of the points raised incorporated.
this is the first story about commander beets history, hope its alright, ill take more time writing the next one
ladies and gentlemen, i think we have it. We have finished the project in no less then 12 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, 18 days at 14:32pm. I call it, beet. Bio-mechanical electronic economic tool, all i need to do now is turn it on.
all seems fine, were good to go
are you ready everybody? Brace yourself, this might not work yet..
an elderly looking man wearing a lab coat walked over to a robotic skeleton which was slightly taller then himself. He put his hand forward and hit a switch inside of its chest, a couple of sparks flew from its arms and legs, but after a couple of seconds a couple of cameras on the head, which were used for eyes, began to shine a bright red. It looked around the room, walked over to a computer, put its hand out and inserted its finger into a port on the side of the tower. On the monitor, several programs opened up, and then finally the Internet. It started to go through several thousand websites until the computer stopped in a small explosion due to the immense amount of information it was processing.
BEET unplugged itself and picked up a speaker which was connected to the computer. It connected some of its wires into its hard drive, then it turned around and did something amazing.. wha-what am i do-doing?
i think thats quite enough! the elderly scientist walked over to BEET and unplugged the speaker, at which point BEET lifted its arm in an action as if it was about to punch him, it went half way then stopped. well, at least the three laws of robotics are functioning correctly. OK team, lets get back to work.
the year was 3892, the first of the robotics were created, but still had a few flaws. Between 2006 and 3892, world peace had been declared and life had been found on a planet 41 light years away and we had shared technologies with them, they bought us a new color, temnoid, and we bought them television, otherwise known as gartinib on their planet. The year is now 4206, the aliens which we made peace with were discovered by another race of aliens called prods, who wiped them out and found out about us, which ended up with the first intergalactic war between humans and prods. By now all of the bugs with the robotics have been found out and there are thousands around the world, and each were given a weapon and sent into battle against the prods... i guess we will have to find out what happens another time.
I am the Blaster, I have filled the role of Tank, Controller and Defender
Sometimes all at once.
Union EU player! Pip pip, tally ho, top hats and tea etc etc