Salvage Your Fate

So I was thinking again… despite the fact that my thoughts have taken a restraining order out against my brain… about the new tell fortune power in the magic set. It’s very cool and all, but I was wondering what would be a better way for your heroes or villains to know what their future held for them.

So I introduce to you the City of Heroes/Villains Horoscope! Now, we can’t very well base our horoscope on the stars since the ones in Paragon and Rogue Isles never change. So, your CoX horoscope sign is dependent entirely on the very first piece of salvage you receive when first running the character. Like the astrological horoscopes of our world, they combine a list of personality traits and possible future omens based on the characteristics of what you find.

And, in response to the comments I am sure I am about to get: Yes, as a matter of fact I DO have far too much time on my hands.

Alien Blood Sample: This rare drop is probably best left rare. You are out there in left field, unable to connect well with other players in teams. You feel vaguely guilty during Rikti Invasions and Vanguard billboards upset you.

Ancient Artifact: You have much better luck against “ancient enemies” like Circle of Thorns. Those “new-fangled” Malta and Freakshow are best avoided. You spend most of your time complaining about how “in my day there weren’t any fancy travel powers, not only didn’t we have Sprint we didn’t even have Boots as a costume choice!”

Architect Ticket: You are disconnected from reality and see things that really aren’t there. You have a tendency to want to live in the fast lane and get impatient when the level ding isn’t sounding at least once every ten minutes or so. Direct sunlight scares you.

Base Salvage: You are living in the past; it’s time to move forward with the times. On the plus side, you have just received the Entrusted With The Secret Badge!

Boresight: You are exceptionally far sighted. You plan out your character’s slotting and power selection before you even create them. Your character’s accuracy is going to be exceptional as they continue onwards. Let’s just say if you’re running a katana scrapper you can make a day job out of neutering flies… while they’re still in the air.

Brass: Loud and obnoxious are two words that describe you perfectly, at least two POLITE words that do so. You tend to use the broadcast channel even when speaking to your team mates who are in a different zone. On the plus side, you get Taunt without having to purchase it through sheer enemy irritation.

Chemical Formula: Drugs are bad, m’kay? Your Sprint should be changed to Stumble. You see the world as though through a swirling force field haze even when you haven’t seen a bubbler all day. You are perfectly content hanging out under Atlas and begging people for munchies. Note: This is the best possible salvage drop for an Illusion Controller.

Clockwork Gear: Your character is so organized and precise they make Howard Hughes seem slipshod. You don’t care about graphics since you can’t see them through all the information windows crammed on your screen. You simply can’t live without knowing the exact buff statistics when some wandering kinetics defender zaps you with speed boost on the fly. Mids screams when it sees you log on.

Clockwork Winder: You always start out strong in any situation but before long you begin to run out of gas. It’s as if your energy level slowly deteriorates over time the longer you stay at something. Like a draining battery. No, more like a rolling ball slowing due to friction. Nah… Hmm.. I’ll come up with a better metaphor later.

Complex Chemical Formula: Same as Chemical Formula but with an extra helping of paranoia just for fun! Don’t bother making a team because they’re all out to get you anyway. Unlike Chemical Formula people you CAN’T hang out anywhere for long because if a civilian walks by and mentions you by name you are immediately sure that he’s one of THEM and THEY know where you are now! What really ticks you off, though, is the lack of a Tin Foil Hat option in helmets.

Computer Virus: I’m not going to bother telling you your future since your computer won’t be able to run City for much longer anyway.

Daemon Program: “A hidden, resident computer program.” The hidden program serves as a little entity that follows you around. If you receive this on an odd level of experience then the entity is a poltergeist who just revels in tripping you up, making sure you miss directly after popping a yellow inspiration, waiting until you are in an epic battle to send you into map server disconnect, etc. If you get it on an even level then you get an angel named Murray. Murray doesn’t do much for you except keep the poltergeists at bay. You can always tell Murray’s around by the faint smell of garlic in the air.

Enriched Plutonium: Provided you can avoid the authorities who would like to “talk” to you about where you got this stuff, you have a very bright future to look forward to. Bright as in “glow in the dark”. You really should have checked the seal on that container before you picked it up. Note: This is a good omen for those with radiation emission, radiation blast or those who always wished they never had to shave again.

Heads Up Display: You always know what’s best to do in any situation. This is great when you are soloing but not so good on teams. It’s not that you don’t know what to do while on teams; it’s that no one ever listens. You will spend most of your days writing posts in the forums complaining about how stupid the people you played with last night are.

Heavy Water: Your future will include a great many chat messages of “brb bio.”

Human Blood Sample: If you received this from Skulls, Lost, Hellions, etc then you will be a dervish in battle! You will PWN your enemies through glorious combat and the civilians around you shall call out your name in praises of awe at your incredible pugilistic skills! If you got this from a Clockwork you will be confused. Very, very confused.

Inanimate Carbon Rod: It just sits there. No matter how long you stare at it, it just isn’t animate. Let’s face it; you’re not the brightest light on the Christmas tree. It’s a CARBON ROD! Why do you expect it to animate? How in the heck did you manage to find an enemy to get this from in the first place? How did you even manage to load the game? Oh, I’m sorry. I really should apologize… I wasn’t thinking. Here… let… me… talk… slower… does… that… help?

Lament Box: You complain. A lot. You’re leveling too slowly. Your team mates are idiots. Anyone who uses MA to farm is wrong and ruining the game. Well CRUD, they just nerfed MA farming. What’s next?! Are they gonna nerf Brawl?! On the other hand, you have an excellent career as a forumite ahead of you.

Luck Charm: Everything you touch turns golden. You have it made in the shade. No, seriously, at this point you could be a soloing defender with brawl six slotted with nothing but recharge reduction and still run the Statesman Task Force without a hitch.

Mutant Blood Sample: Your name is WolfReen, Wulvarine, WolverTeen or Hugh Jackman. You’re not aware that there ARE other options beyond Claws/Regen Scrapper. You’ve been generic’d more times than a WalMart shopping list. You’d be playing right now but you’re on the way to see the Origins movie for the third time this week.

Page from the Malleus Mundi: Yeah, you’re a few pages short of a book there Skippy. Despite your absent minded insanity, which is kind of endearing actually, you are a dervish in a fight. If your team doesn’t show up at the mission door on time they’ll find out you’ve already cleared the mission instead of waiting. Note: If your forum name is Steelclaw you will immediately try to come up with new lyrics for the Bangles’ song “Manic Monday.” It’s just another Malleus Mundi… ooh oh.. Lookin’ like it’s dooms day… A ‘send ‘em to their tombs’ day… just another Malleus Mundi.

Plasma Capacitor: You’re just a little on the short tempered side. Those dents on your walls are from various computer components thrown at high velocity. You wish there was a universal PvP not because you want to fight other players so much as you desperately want to beat the tar out of your team mates for being so stupid.

Polycarbon: You are destined never to win a single costume contest. People laugh as you walk by while pointing at what you’re wearing. You need to avoid open flames at all costs. Your endurance takes a serious hit when you run due to your skin’s inability to breathe… wait… oh… PolyCARBON… I thought it said polyester, my bad.

Psionic Ectoplasm: You are a deep thinker and of a philosophical bent. On teams this gets in the way because you would prefer to stand around discussing tactics before every new mob. Your team has been known to abandon you after faceplants since you invariably begin to discuss the nature of death and mortality. You have a great career ahead of you if you prefer to solo because you will always be able to out think and out maneuver your enemies. You will also take 2 years to get to 20th level as you plot and plan every battle out on graph paper ahead of time.

Psionic Manifestation: “A remnant of a psychic manifestation.” Okay, make up your mind, are you a Psionic Manifestation or a REMNANT of a Psionic Manifestation? You are confused and confusing to those around you. You often contradict yourself, sometimes in the same sentence. You are the one who creates a scrapper and invests only in the Medicine pool because you really wanted to run a healer.

Psionically Charged Brass: Similar to Brass, but much more cunning about it. In most Psychological Profiling Manuals your picture is located firmly in the section on passive aggressive behavior. You prefer running Defenders so you can withhold buffs and/or healing from the team mates who upset you. A MasterMind with this salvage omen will feel in their element but run the risk of their pets seeking employment opportunities elsewhere.

Runebound Armor: It’s all about the costume, baby. It’s better to look good than to feel good in your opinion. You will gladly spend all day in the costume creator to get the look just right, you only wish they had a button in the creator to change the light quality to match those found in-game. Any costume contest you don’t win is obviously fixed. They may as well just give you the Icon day job badge as soon as you enter the tutorial.

Scope: You’re focused on future plans, sometimes to detriment of what’s going on right in front of you. You already have your Soldier of Arachnos’s slotting planned to 35th level and the highest villain you have in your account is 5th.

Simple Chemical: Yeah, see, drinking this was probably a bad idea. Now your brain cells are dying faster than a hellion in Peregrine Island. I’d tell you what your future is going to be like but you’re going to be distracted by the pretty colors soon anyway.

Soulbound Armor: “A piece of armor with an unwilling soul bound into it.” You are conflicted. You created a scrapper but now you really think a defender would have been the better choice. Or maybe you should just skip the hero thing and go create a villain instead. You really can’t wait until “Going Rogue” is live… on the other hand… you’ve heard some good things about WoW.

Source Code: You like this character but what you’re really looking forward to is the power set coming out in three or four issues. That and the costume pieces, not to mention that awesome new Accolade badge that’s down the road a bit. Too bad they’re going to cancel your account for violating the PIGG file restrictions for the 10th time in a row.

Spell Scroll: Ur karaktar Rouge Angle iz gr8t! U totolee PWNZ teh 733t sawse in CoX! U hayt pepl who do’nt no teh diffrenz tween LFT & LFG. WTF?! U dont unnerstand Y pepl dont wana chat with U.

(On a side note; that last one just made my spell checker commit suicide.)

Spiritual Essence: You are always willing to help out other people with their troubles. Newb players absolutely adore you because you hand out free influence as generously as you do advice. The only downside is you will never in your gaming career succeed in a timed mission because you are wracked by guilt if you try to run past a mugging scene on the street without helping.

Strand of Fate: You have an uncanny ability to manipulate the destinies of those around you. With delicate fingers you lead team mates to the mission you prefer while getting them to give you preferred drops. You look forward to Going Rogue so you can see how many heroes you can turn to the darkness and how many villains you can lead to the light. When you see a Fake Nemesis, you never fight it, you simply pat it on the shoulder and wink.

Symbiotic Armor: You are always more comfortable in a team. The extra experience is nice, not to mention the exciting battles, but ultimately it’s the camaraderie that wins you over every time. In fact, you tend to feel antsy when not on a team. It’s not like you’re co-dependent or anything. You could solo if you really wanted to. Sure you could. In fact, just last week you soloed just fine! Although that was your level pacted character. And you DID have a printed screen shot of your pact partner taped to your monitor. And you kept typing in team chat even though you were alone. But it was either that or hyperventilate, so it’s really completely understandable.

Temporal Sands: You have a hard time playing the game because of time constraints. So when you do, you have to be doing something at all times when logged in. You always lead your own teams so there will be no debate in setting missions. Regardless of their chosen travel power every one of your characters has Recall Friend. If you get to the mission door first you start teleporting in your team mates whether they ask for it or not. Those who have their accept TP turned off are automatically booted.

Unearthed Relic: You have a severe case of alt-itis. Indeed, the character you’re running now is one you can’t remember making in the first place. The counter on the character select screen that tells how many days it’s been since last played had its numbers replaced with a row of X’s. When you signed it on it took several minutes for all your veteran badge earned messages to finish popping up. You’re pretty sure it was created pre-diversification since you have everything six slotted with damage enhancements.

Volume of the Obsidian Librum: You are never without someone to play with because you are the master of social networking. Your global friends list resembles a New York City phone directory. You have filled out ratings and comments on people you stood next to in a costume contest. RFT spammers would LOVE to have your mailing list. In your case Volume of the Obsidian Librum = Little Black Book.

[ QUOTE ]
Yes, as a matter of fact I DO have far too much time on my hands.

[/ QUOTE ] Agreed.

Very nice!

Heeee, this is awesome!

It also explains why I get so many Psionic Manifestations and Spiritual Essences.


Next comes the hard part. While these are the birthsigns, a full horoscope needs a guide to what to expect each day.

For example, if you are a Spiritual Essence, and your first three salvages of the day are Brass, Heavy Water, and Symbiotic Armor.. You should just log off. You will do your best to help each and every person you come across, but will be met with boisterous disapproval for your methods. It'll all end in tears today.


Also, you missed one:
Merit Reward.
I'm not attuned to the natural forces of fate myself, but I'd say this is the mark of a driven person who will go nuts trying to get something done. You DO it, no matter what!

[ QUOTE ]
Also, you missed one:
Merit Reward.
I'm not attuned to the natural forces of fate myself, but I'd say this is the mark of a driven person who will go nuts trying to get something done. You DO it, no matter what!

[/ QUOTE ]
Actually, what this says to me is that you are naturally drawn to playing a villain, and yet still play Kalinda and Burke's missions.

At level 3-4 I tend to get my first merit reward, just because I run the first arc to get their phone number so I won't have to come back to Mercy to talk to them for the Cape and Aura missions. Salvage can drop then, but it's not likely to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PleaseRecycle it has gone from unconscionable to downright appalling that we have no way of measuring our characters' wetness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brillig It's hard to beat the entertainment value of Whackjob Wednesdays.

omg I have to print this out, it's like a new drinking game

Great post....Was very entertaining to read.

"The One"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Infernus_Hades The way you play changes your IO slotting..

[ QUOTE ]
omg I have to print this out, it's like a new drinking game

[/ QUOTE ]

"Heh-hey.... I jush got a Shimple Chemical... what one ish that?"

"Beer... I got Comp... Compli... I got Difficult Chemical Formula... Whuzzat one get me?"

"Absynthe."

"Aw, s**t..."

Darn, got a Black Blood of the Earth and see nothing I have no fortune.

[ QUOTE ]
Spell Scroll: Ur karaktar Rouge Angle iz gr8t! U totolee PWNZ teh 733t sawse in CoX! U hayt pepl who do’nt no teh diffrenz tween LFT & LFG. WTF?! U dont unnerstand Y pepl dont wana chat with U.

(On a side note; that last one just made my spell checker commit suicide.)


[/ QUOTE ]

Nice

This ones me by the way

[ QUOTE ]
Darn, got a Black Blood of the Earth and see nothing I have no fortune.

[/ QUOTE ]
Black Blood of the Earth is a mid-level salvage drop; you shouldn't start seeing it until much later levels. I created this list for the very first drop you got.

Even I don't enough time on my hands to make a list for every salvage at every level.... well.. maybe I could.. NO! Bad imagination.. no cookie for you!

*whispers* doooo ittt.....

Honestly, there may be something to this. Up until this thread, I was of a mind that your very first piece of salvage was a Luck Charm. You know, just to get you going. That is always my fist piece of salvage on every character I can recall it on. I never knew it was a random roll...

Then again, I do tend to get costume pieces I want and usually get at least one great drop per play-session. Added to that, is the fact that I stick a fight out to the bitter end. This leaves me in situations where I am at a sliver of health and up against odds, yet wind up walking away wondering "How the heck did that just happen?"

Vanguard Merit:
Boy, you really haven't played this one in a while, have you?

[ QUOTE ]

Page from the Malleus Mundi: Yeah, you’re a few pages short of a book there Skippy. Despite your absent minded insanity, which is kind of endearing actually, you are a dervish in a fight. If your team doesn’t show up at the mission door on time they’ll find out you’ve already cleared the mission instead of waiting. Note: If your forum name is Steelclaw you will immediately try to come up with new lyrics for the Bangles’ song “Manic Monday.” It’s just another Malleus Mundi… ooh oh.. Lookin’ like it’s dooms day… A ‘send ‘em to their tombs’ day… just another Malleus Mundi.


[/ QUOTE ]

When can we expect the full lyrics to this song

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Page from the Malleus Mundi: Yeah, you’re a few pages short of a book there Skippy. Despite your absent minded insanity, which is kind of endearing actually, you are a dervish in a fight. If your team doesn’t show up at the mission door on time they’ll find out you’ve already cleared the mission instead of waiting. Note: If your forum name is Steelclaw you will immediately try to come up with new lyrics for the Bangles’ song “Manic Monday.” It’s just another Malleus Mundi… ooh oh.. Lookin’ like it’s dooms day… A ‘send ‘em to their tombs’ day… just another Malleus Mundi.


[/ QUOTE ]

When can we expect the full lyrics to this song

[/ QUOTE ]

Soon...

No, wait.. Soon is trademarked by the developers.. and I REFUSE to pay them a useage charge for copyright.. hmm.. need something other than "Soon"... Hey! I know... I'll go with..

Now...

(To the tune of "Manic Monday" by the Bangles)

Level six already
I was just in the middle of a team
I was beatin’ on some Circle
In the blue cavern 5-layer scheme
Then I got a drop
That soon sent me down a brand new trail
To destroy the world
And then over the ashes prevail

I’ve got another Malleus Mundi
I’ll have ‘em all someday
And that’ll be a fun day
My blottin’ out the sun day!
I found another Malleus Mundi

Have to find another one
Can’t destroy the world with just nine
But when I find the tenth one
You know then I’ll be feelin’ just fine
But it takes me so long
‘Cuz I want them but I just don’t know where
But I’ll keep the faith
And soon I’ll plunge the world in despair

I’ve got another Malleus Mundi
I’ll have ‘em all someday
And that’ll be a fun day
My blottin’ out the sun day!
I found another Malleus Mundi

Then just last night
Why did the Longbow have to pick last night
For their raid?
Defenses don’t matter
One strike and now I’m shattered
In a downward fade
It’s lookin’ like I’ve got no choice
Farmin’ time, let’s round up the boys
Time it goes so slow
Here we go again…

I’ve found my first Malleus Mundi!
I’ll have ‘em all someday
And that’ll be a fun day
My blottin’ out the sun day!
Got back my first Malleus Mundi

Stickie, please.

WARNING: I bold names.

*loud whistles and applause*

It's official, the CoH New Character Drinking Game has been established.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

*dies from laughing
That is perfect.
Now be honest, did you have those lyrics ready before I made my post? And if not, how long did it take for you to come up with them?

[ QUOTE ]
*dies from laughing
That is perfect.
Now be honest, did you have those lyrics ready before I made my post? And if not, how long did it take for you to come up with them?

[/ QUOTE ]
No, I did not have them ready before you made your post.

And this particular effort took me around 20 minutes or so. When I make the parodies I bring up a window of the songlyrics.com and a Word window next to it and just work. If I am having trouble with the synchopation I will sometimes have another window with the song playing so I can figure out the timing.

This one was easier than most because the song itself is so easy to work with. I tried doing the entire song "American Pie" once and nearly had another brain annurism.

20 mins?? Damn, that's amazing. Again, well done.