Tami stood on top of the war wall and looked past the energy barrier toward the nearby airport.
Daddy had been pretty upset. When Mikey had handed the phone to her, her father had actually raised his voice. She tried to explain, but Mikey was the familys golden boy, so it was his version of things that her father believed. The conversation ended with plane tickets home for her.
She had cried for hours.
Then she decided she wasnt going to be pushed around by anyone especially not her family! She was happy in Paragon. She didnt want to go back to being home schooled. She didnt want to leave Dani and Caden and Jo and Gage and Kit and all her new friends. Most of all, she didnt want to leave Ryan her boyfriend.
She giggled to herself. Boyfriend. She still couldnt believe it. It was official.
She lightly touched her fingers to her lips and smiled.
She watched a plane take off and then looked at the time on her cell. Yes, that would be her flight.
Now, if her father wanted her to come home, hed have to come get her. And when he got there and saw how happy she was, hed let her stay. Best. Plan. Ever.
Tami teleported back to the street and, forgetting she was too old for such things, went skipping toward the train that would take her back to Atlas Park and her new home, Maggies Rock.
Tami Martinov sits yoga-style on the bed in her fathers room at the Paragon Hilton. He sits in the chair beside the bed. He speaks to her in a light Russian accent; she listens in a light American one.
I spoke with Ms. Love. I have arranged for you to become a resident there.
Tami smiles and feels like laughing, and says, Thank you, Daddy!
Well, after some of the things she told me that my grandsons are doing
I cant tell you how disappointed I am in them especially Mikhail. But that apartment is no place for a young girl! A look of anger flashes and then Mr. Martinov calms and continues, Ms. Love seems very nice, very capable of seeing that you have what you need there.
Tami nods. Oh she is! Shes awesome! The whole place is awesome!
I trust you will behave yourself, and will not let me down.
I promise, Daddy.
And speaking of which
She frowns. She knew he would say something
I spoke also with this
Ryan Mabrey. He gave me his word that there would be no more dating and boyfriend until your birthday.
Tami remains silent. She knew Ryan had promised him, but then she talked Ryan into eating burgers by the lake in Steel Canyon. Her fathers taxi passed them while they were sitting there.
And yet, not an hour later, I see the two of you sitting together by the lake.
But that wasnt a date! We were just eating and he was telling me how we couldnt really date until my birthday and I hope the Half-Blood Prince is still playing then because it hasnt gotten good box-office so it might not be and I really want to see it but I want to see it with Ryan because
Her father puts up a hand to halt her. Let me make myself clear, my little one, he says, because after I am gone, it will be up to you to do the right thing, no matter how much you wish to do what you wish to do. I am not trying to control your life, though you are too young to have sole responsibility for your it. I am trying to make sure that you make good decisions. Disobeying your papa in this matter is not a good decision.
Tami nods. Yes, Daddy.
And this young man he gave me his word. Did he go back on it?
Tami shakes her head resolutely. No! He made it very clear that we cant date until my birthday. We only had the picnic so he could tell me that and we could make plans
Plans? What kind of plans?
Plans for my birthday. Were going to go see the new Harry Potter movie, if its still playing.
Ah. So this isnt serious?
Tami knew that serious was a code for going all the way. She blushes and feels like covering her head with a pillow, and says, Gosh! No! Ew!
Her father laughs and says, Good. The boy is honorable then. In this, you have made a good choice.
A smile pops out on her face and she feels a kind of giddiness inside at her fathers approval. The smile fades when she sees the sudden look of sadness on her fathers face.
Daddy? Whats wrong?
Dmitri Martinov, father of Tamara Martinov, and scientific genius of the former Soviet Union puts his hand on his daughters shoulder. He squeezes it twice before he can summon the courage to say the words
Little one, I am to die soon.
Tami was in the garden at the Rock. She came here to think -- about her father, about her future -- but soon her mind had drifted to less troubled topics. She had picked a flower (was she allowed to do that?) and was pondering whether she should put it in her hair or pluck the petals to do a "he loves me, he loves me not" invoking Ryan. She was lost in such thoughts when she heard a voice --
"Tami?"
She looked up to see her nephew, Peter, Michael's younger brother.
"Hi, Peter. Didn't know you could get in here."
"Ms. Love let me in. I told her I came to apologize to you."
"Apologize?" she said with irony dripping from her words, "apologize for what?"
Peter actually looked contrite as he said, "For treating you like you were a pest. You're not a pest."
Tami was dubious. "I'm not?"
"No. I... I miss you. Mikey won't play Wii. He says he doesn't have time..."
"Mm-hmm."
"And... well... it's no fun having no one for me to pester."
Tami actually felt sorry for him. When it came to picking, Mikey was the type of big brother who could dish it out but couldn't take it.
"You mean that, don't you?"
"Yeah. It's no fun there without you."
"I'm not going back."
"I know."
"They have a Wii here."
"I can't come stay here. Dad won't let me."
"I know. But you can come visit."
"Thanks."
Tami hugged Peter's neck and stuck the flower in his hair. He grinned a goofy grin, then took it out.
"Well... I've got to go," Peter said, "but I'll come by later?"
"Sure," Tami said and watched him go.
Maybe there was some hope for the family after all.
Life is so good. It was my birthday this week. I turned fifteen. I can officially date now.
*giggle*
And I have this boyfriend who is like the nicest, sweetest boy Ive ever met and hes got dark, dark, dark brown hair and dreamy brown eyes and strong arms that I just know could lift me up and carry me off
*sigh*
He was really surprised to see me without glasses. That was one of Daddys birthday presents to me these contact lenses. I dont have to wear special glasses to keep my eye-beams from shooting out anymore! And I can see color for the first time ever! Everything is not green! I almost fainted when I saw Ryan in living color! It was so awesome!
And he told me my eyes are almost purple. He looked. Into. My eyes.
*squeee*
For our first date, he took me to the see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. He bought us popcorn and candy and a drink, and when we finished that stuff he held my hand for the whole rest of the movie. He squeezed it during the sad parts and wow, were there sad parts! And sort of played his fingers across mine during the romantic parts. It was
nice. Better than nice.
Then he took me heroing and I finally got to show off my new costume! (Another gift from Daddy, though Daddys colorblind so I had to hand-dye it to make it look presentable and I was afraid the purple dye wouldnt come off my hands before my birthday because I didnt want Ryan to have to hold purple hands on our first date.) We defended this pawnshop that was run by reformed Freakshow from a bunch of Sky Raiders (which, I have no idea why they were invading a pawnshop
). And they had this great Olympus SLR camera that Im going back tomorrow with my birthday money and buying!
After the heroing, we went down beside the pier near Spankys Boardwalk and sat on the beach. We sat in the sand and looked at the water and held hands and then
I couldnt help it
I kissed him.
I know. Im supposed to wait on him to make the first move, but he was sitting there looking so beautiful and handsome and strong and
I just wanted to kiss him more than I wanted anything in the whole world. Is that wrong? And after that kiss, we kissed again this time he initiated. It was
it was like I wasnt in my body anymore. It was like I was somewhere else, someone else. Someone living a perfect life in a perfect place, with the perfect boy
*siiiiigh*
Anyway, Im not telling any more. The way he made me feel
thats all just for me to know.
But my birthday beginning to end was wonderful. Im fifteen now. Im not a kid anymore. Im not an adult either, thank God. Im me. And Ill always be me, for always.
((This is an rp moment with Tami and Ryan. It's one of those moments that game mechanics won't allow you to visualize, so, I visualized it. 
))
http://heroid.deviantart.com/art/A-C...ment-137722926
((Serv'd! Season 3, Episode 11 - The Oktoberfest Holiday Special!))
The opening credits rolled to a certain song this week: "Beer, Breakfast of Champions" by the Polkaholics. As the credits ended, the camera focused on Hephaestus 1 pouring out a mug of beer from a large cask. He was also out of uniform, instead wearing Raiderhosen (the Tactical lederhosen) in celebration of Oktoberfest.
"All right, Em," Heph said to Agent Munin as he placed the mug on a large platter, "the last beer's up."
"This is not what I envisioned doing on my day off, Mick," Munin said as she grabbed the platter and carried it to a table of waiting drinkers. "And did I have to wear this stupid dirndl outfit?"
"Yes. BEERTRUCKtoberfest requires it. Look at Tommy and Fang," heph said, pointing over to Back Yard Boom and Fang, both stuck in lederhosen and attempting to not butcher traditional Bavarian dancing.
"Hatin' life yet, Fang?" Back Yard Boom asked asked as he kept to the oompah beat.
"I've been hating it since I got here, Tommy," Fang said. "I keep worrying that the hole I had to cut out of these lederhosen for my tail is going to rip further."
"Bad mental image, man," Tommy said as he nearly missed a step.
The cameras switched back to Heph and Munin. "Well, Em," Heph said, "the turnout for BEERTRUCKtoberfest is better than the Paragon City Microbrewers' League expected. Then again, everyone seems to like the idea of BEERTRUCK, the mobile biergarten."
"TO BEERTRUCK!" a table of partiers slurred loudly.
Back at the Rhode Island District Courts office, the Paperwork Ninja sighed and shook his head. The stack of unserved Small Claims Court summons for the hero and villain crowd was stacking up by the minute. Still, even process servers have to have time off.
"Justice has no fixed schedule, apparently," the office worker said to no one in particular.
"There is little in this world that's nicer than being able to take your party with you," Heph said as BEERTRUCK slowly moved its way towards the Paragon Police Department headquarters, "and besides, we're off to BEERTRUCKtoberfest's next stop, The Vicious Snark Pub."
The crowd of partiers cheered. The Vicious Snark was known for its brown ale, perfect for a few pints among friends. As the mobile biergarten and the attendant support truck BEERTRUCK Junior slowed down in front of the police headquarters, the telltale warping of space that preceded a Rikti invasion began.
"Humans: Surrender." the Rikti raid leader stated quite loudly. "Penalty: Failure: Surrender: Painful. Very: Painful." As the Rikti leader spoke those words, a dozen Rikti Assault suits teleported in along with a larger than normal raiding force. "Targets: Festival: Mobile: Beer. Vengeance: Sought: Bavarians! Targets: Additional: Brewers: Localities: Various!"
Heph leapt atop the cab of the mobile biergarten. "You can take our lives, but you'll never take our varietals! BEERTRUCKERS UNITE! DESTROY ALL RIKTI!" With a mighty roar from their one sober brain cell, the partiers fell upon the Rikti, laying waste to the main troops. The heroes concentrated on the assault suits and the Rikti raid leader. Time and time again, the small number of heroes were pushed back by the onslaught of the Rikti assault suits.
"Suit: Pilots: Fearless," the Rikti Leader said. "Pilots: Monkeys. Monkeys: Missing: Fear: Bavarians. Laughter: Evil: Commencing. Ha: Ha: Ha."
"Regroup at BEERTRUCK!" Heph shouted over the chaos of the fight. The heroes regouped for a second attack.
"Okay, Tommy, Fang, and Em, I think we have ourselves a little problem. There's four of us and thirteen of them, and our Raiderhosen aren't striking the appropriate fear into those suit drivers. We need backup. Powerful backup."
There was a slight breeze as the Paperwork Ninja appeared by his teammates. "Sorry I'm late. There were a bunch of Form 2817-Bs that needed filing. If you'll work with me, I have a plan that will equal the usual silliness of this show and fit well within your genre. Listen closely."
The camera focused in on the partiers as they spent their time pounding on the Rikti soldiers. One Rikti Headman got a lucky shot in on a partygoer and sent him flying into BEERTRUCK's sound system. There was a squawk and silence. Without warning, "The Beer Barrel Polka" began to play.
"Now!" the Paperwork Ninja shouted as he threw the appropriate glassware to the assembled heroes. They stepped to the beer taps in the bar area of BEERTRUCK's expanded flat bed. In unison they each drew a perfect glass of beer among the numerous varieties.
"Pilsner!" Back Yard Boom shouted as raised his glass high.
"Doppelbock!" Fang shouted, raising his stein.
"IPA!" The Paperwork Ninja shouted, raising his glass into the air.
"Lambic!" Agent Munin shouted, wondering what she'd gotten into this time.
"HEART-- er, STOUT!" Heph shouted, raising high his glass of dense black beer.
The strong scent of hops and wort filled the air as the beers swirled in the glasses. The beers shot into the air and coalesced into a golden sphere, which then grew to the size of a man. With a massive red-orange explosion, a golden-skinned man with white hair and a beer stein on his chest.
"When your beers combine, I, DER KRÄUSENER, APPEAR!" the golden-skinned man said. "The Porter Is Yours!"
The five heroes stood there gobsmacked.
"... too much?" Der Kräusener asked.
"YES," the heroes replied. A plasma blast fired over their heads as an assault suit bore down on them.
"By Jackson's Beard!" Der Kräusener said. "This is a bad situation!"
"Destruction: Complete: Beer: Worldwide!" the Rikti raid leader yelled.
"I don't think so!" Der Kräusener said as he fired an amber-brown ray from what looked like a quickly summoned raygun attached to a backpack.
"Proton pack?" Heph asked.
"Electromagnetic Alegun, naturally!" Der Kräusener said with a smile. "Der Kräusener is the defender of all beers of all types. A beer is a beer, no matter how small!"
Heph's mechanical Eyebrow of Disbelief, recently recalibrated from a financial planning seminar involving DJ Cozmic, a wombat chartered accountant and a Jimmy Buffett 8-track, shot up so quickly it again exploded and flew into the air.
"You're paying for that eyebrow. Cash," Heph said.
"Ah, right. But first, the Rikti!" Der Kräusener said. He blasted the closest Rikti Assault Suit with his alegun and watched as in listed to one side and fell over. "That monkey's going to hate life when he wakes up," the golden-skinned hero said.
"You're knocking them out?" Munin asked as she nocked another exploding arrow.
"Well, yes," Der Kräusener said. "It's not polite, otherwise."
"Oh, right," Munin said as she let the arrow fly and cracked open another assault suit. Back Yard Boom used the opening to pull the suit apart, revealing a very startled Rikti monkey.
"Get out," Boom said to the monkey. The monkey looked up at him, then at Munin, then back at the blue-haired cyborg. With an "ook ook" it ran for the nearest portal exit.
The Rikti raid leader watched as his forces were being whittled down by a horde of drunken partiers and some kind of hops-powered superhero. "Strategy: Failing. Disappointment: Building. REMORSE!"
This gave Heph the opportunity to sneak around the raid leader and punch him hard enough in the back of the head to knock him unconscious with one shot. Then again, with multiple tons of force behind Heph's punches, it wasn't difficult to do that.
"The Bavarians will get you if you don't watch out," Heph said.
"Bavarians: Fearsome..." the Rikti leader slurred as he lapsed into unconsciousness. The Rikti troops and equipment began disappearing as soon as their leader was defeated.
"Well, I think we've all learned something today, folks," Der Kräusener said as he floated back down to the ground. "The Rikti are a bunch of beer-hating jerks and working as a team, heroes can accomplish anything!"
"Uh, we knew that already," Munin said.
"Oh. Right," Der Kräusener said.
"No," Heph said. "What we've learned is that it's the differences in our brewing techniques that make us all special!"
"I thought it was that when one is faced with oddity on a daily basis, one should just roll with it," the Paperwork Ninja said.
"Naah, it's that Em looks really cute dressed as an Oktoberfest barmaid," Back Yard Boom said.
"Shush, Tommy," Munin said as she blushed furiously.
"So, it's not that lederhosen provide good ventilation despite their strange looks?" Fang asked.
The camera faded out as the crew discussed what today's lesson was really supposed to be.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Dr. Grace smiles. She's very nice and my exam wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
"You're as healthy a girl as I've ever seen," she tells me.
It's such a relief to hear! Everything I've heard about that Jessie girl and how her healing powers hid her health problems until just the right situation came along and then -- WHAMMO! -- she's dead. Or dying. Did she actually die and come back? I've heard so many versions...
But I'm still worried about one thing, so I ask, "How come I'm not growing? How come I never gain any weight?"
Dr. Grace's pulls up a stool to sit beside me while I put my clothes back on.
She doesn't look worried. She just says matter-of-factly, "I don't know. Your monthly cycle is normal? Regular?"
Oh gosh! Every time she mentions that I just blush! I'm such a little kid about some things! I would have just died if Dr. Grace was a man. I'd have never made it through this. As it is, it's all I can do to nod in answer to the question.
She doesn't acknowledge my discomfort, which is sometimes is the best thing to do when someone is uncormfortable about something.
"I don't think it's a problem," she says, "Maybe you're just going to be petite. It's not a bad thing. And your powers probably use alot of energy -- that's why you're always hungry. So long as you get plenty to eat, you should be fine."
Petite. Blegh. I want to be tall like my sorta sister Dani and leggy like my friend Jo! Petite! Blegh!
"We can experiment with your diet -- maybe you need more carbs and protein -- and see if that helps, but really, I think you're okay."
Well, I guess I'd rather be skinny with powers than curvaceous without them. (Ooooo! That Ms. Liberty! Why does she have it both ways?)
I finish dressing and think that now I can leave, but guess what? No. And I am totally unprepared for what comes out of her mouth next --
"I'd like to talk to you about safe sex."
What!?!
"You're fifteen years old, and alot of girls your age are already active..."
Oh God... strike me dead now, please?
"Um... I'm... going to wait until I think I'm old enough to... um... get married or at least know I'm in a committed relationship and um... be responsible..."
I could phrase it better and more confidently if I wasn't busy looking for a rock to crawl under.
"That's very commendable of you. I'm proud of you that you're taking charge of your own sexuality."
I know she has to have this talk with me. I know Daddy told her to. I want to teleport out of here. I really, really do.
"But sometimes, in the heat of the moment, a woman's resolve can weaken, and that moment can affect the entire rest of your life."
Arrrgh. All right. I will not be able to look at Ryan for the next two weeks. This is just so...
And it gets worse. We talk about birth control methods and diseases and babies. And yes, I listen. I know she's got my best interest at heart. Ms. Love has already gone over most of this with me, except we were walking home from the produce market and she was funnier and not so serious which made it easier to talk with her.
But Dr. Grace is a professional, and she brings up some things that Ms. Love probably wouldn't, so yeah, I listen. And try not to turn red.
When she's done, I go out into the lobby and Daddy's there waiting for me. He gives Dr. Grace this incredibly grateful look, which confirms that he was the one who put her up to the whole birth control -slash- safe sex thing. But how can I be mad at him for it? He's just looking out for me because he loves me.
I stand and listen as Dr. Grace tells him what she told me about my weight non-issues, and she shows him a dietary guide and explains the high-carb diet deal. He looks relieved, but he also looks like he's about to cry.
I realize then how much he loves me. He's been worried also. He's so sick, but worries more about me. He's always been like that, putting me first.
That's when I start to cry. I try not to think about that he's got this terminal disease, that he could die soon...
When my tears start, he lets loose too, which is hard for a grown man to do in the middle of a doctor's office with all these other people around. We hug each other and cry a bunch and pretty soon, other people are sniffling too.
Dr. Grace grabs a box of tissues and passes it around.
So, yeah. That was my day. Like a really good Oprah.
Two more days and Im free. My sentence will be served. I've been grounded because I used my powers on another student at school.
I know. I can't believe it either -- that I'd get flustered so bad that I'd do that. I mean, it was to keep this one little girl with powers from bullying this older girl without them. I teleported the powered girl away. But at the Rock, we're not allowed to use our powers to resolve disputes or hurt other students. We're supposed to notify an adult and let them take care of it.
I don't like bullying. I lost my cool and wound up bullying the bully.
So for two weeks I've only been allowed off school grounds for class-related excursions (none of which happened -- why couldn't there be just one field trip?) or for civic-related duties, i.e. doing the superhero thing. (And guess what? For the past two weeks, invasions by zombies and alien monsters have been down by 60%.)
At first, I got kind of bored because Ryan had a lot of homework and I didnt, so Id sit in his room and watch him which wasnt boring, boring I just cant stand to sit still with nothing to do for long. I probably drove him crazy with, How much longer? But after a few days his schedule let up and we got to spend some time together.
Being grounded isnt such a bad thing when youre grounded with your boyfriend.
I think we've explored every little hidden nook and hidey-hole in the house. It's HUGE! And it moves things around on you somehow (I think it operates on a quantum level) so that you get lost sometimes (like when you really don't want to be) and found other times (like when you really don't want to be), but it makes just walking around exploring the place an adventure. There's this really nice garden area, with trees and grass and big rocks for sitting on, and we spent a lot of time there, just talking about stupid stuff and serious stuff and stuff in between. And sometimes, we didnt talk about anything, which was even better.
Like right now, Im supposed to be meeting him at the pool. (Im still self-conscious about him seeing me in my bathing suit. Why do they have to cut them so that you either have to always be pulling the top up or the bottom down?) But Ms. Love just paged me to come to the office. I dont think Ive done anything to get in trouble for again. But I suppose Ill find out soon.
I couldnt believe when she told me
Tami, m love, yer Da is dyin. Hell nae make it through the night.
Ms. Love hugged me then, and asked if I wanted her to come to Virginia with me. It was nice of her to offer, but I figured my nephews Mikey and Peter would also be there with their dad my half-brother -- and I just couldnt stand it if, in the middle of it all, I had to worry about Mikey or Michael Sr. hitting on my headmistress. I told her Id be all right.
Now I wish I had let her come along.
The Martin side of the family is giving me this look. I mean, my father is dying in the next room and theyre looking at me as if Im their enemy.
You have nothing to worry about, Tamara, my brother, Michael Sr. says, Ill have guardianship of you and Ill make sure you have everything you need.
Chyeah. What he means by that is hes going to get his lawyers to take me away from the Rock so he can have control over me and my share of Daddys patent money.
I dont reply to him. All of that can wait. Im just waiting for the nurse to come tell us we can go in. When she does, she says, One at a time, and because I probably look like the lost little kid I feel like, she calls me in first.
Oh god, he looks so old. I know he is old he was like 71 when I was born but he never seemed that old to me until right now. Its only been a few days since I saw him last and he didnt look this sick then. How could it happen so fast? How could he have been hugging me in Paragon City last week, and now
hes lying in this stupid hospital bed dying. No big mass of tubes and wires like on television medical dramas. Its too late for that. All he has is a morphine drip.
Im trying not to cry.
When he sees me, he smiles. My little one, is all he can get out.
I put my hand on his and give it a gentle squeeze, the way hes done for me so many times.
The only thing I can squeak out is, I love you, then my head is on his chest and his arms are somehow around me and Im crying like Ive never cried, ever. We stay that way until someone puts their hands on my shoulders and pulls me away.
I need to speak with him, Tamara, my half-brother says as he guides me to the door.
Im numb. I feel detached from the world, like Im caught in the middle of a teleport and Im never going to reintegrate. I am separate from everything. I am a part of nothing.
Why dont my powers let me actually cure people? I can fix a gunshot wound, but I cant cure cancer? I feel so useless.
Then behind me I hear Michael Sr. say, Father, we need to talk about her
I freeze, not moving any further even though the nurse is trying to close the door and Im standing in the way.
Daddy groans and it makes me mad because I know Michaels breaking his heart, even as its getting ready to stop beating.
I know you want her to stay in that school, but Ive investigated some of the goings-on there and
I cant take it. Or maybe I can, but Im not going to. I spin on my heels and calmly say to Michael, Im sending you to the corn field.
Michael Sr. disappears in a sparkly cloud of quantum particles and should reappear out in the parking lot. If I figured right. If I figured wrong
well, right now, I dont care.
Peter and Mikey jump up from their chairs in the hallway like Ive attacked their dad and theyre gonna get me! Well ---
And you two can go with him!
And theyre gone also.
The nurse screams and runs for help. I know she thinks I killed them; that Im some sort of monster. I dont care.
Im alone with Daddy. I have his last moments all to myself and
Im too late. Hes not breathing anymore.
Oh GOD! Why?! Why do I have powers if I cant even save the people I love?!
No! Ive got to try!
Maybe its not too late. And even if it is, theres nothing left to lose now.
I put my arms around him and let the energy of the universe flow through me
Once when I was very small and we lived far away from a big city, in a small town in a rural area surrounded by farms, a carnival came to town. Daddy took me one night because I wanted to go. There was a sideshow with ladies that Daddy wouldn't let me stop to look at, but pulled me away from, and games I could not play because you had to be 18 years old. And there were rides.
The rides were flashy, colorful, and big. A double ferris wheel went up so high that the people on it disappeared when it was at the top. It had lights on both wheels and on the frame too, and was huge -- the biggest thing I had ever seen. It made me feel so small. I wouldn't get on it.
There were other rides, most of which went round and round instead of up and down; some of which did both. Some were fast and made me sick when I rode them. Others were slow and boring and made me feel like I was too big to ride them, even though I was only in first grade.
But the ride I remember most was this merry-go-round that was way back in the corner of the carnival. The plaque on the ride said it was built in 1901 in by German craftsmen in a place called Hultzenburg, which made it seem kind of magical to me. And it didn't have just horses; it had a swan, a tiger, a giraffe, a deer, a unicorn, a dragon, and other creatures you wouldn't expect to see on a merry-go-round. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
We were the only two in line to get on. Daddy put me on the dragon and he sat on the tiger. The ride started and around we went.
Only, it seemed to me that it wasn't us who were moving; it was the world moving around us. So in one turn, the carnival with all it's weirdness and bright, scary lights would come around, and then be gone, replaced by the comfortable darkness of the Virginia countryside and the reasuring lights of the farmhouse in the distance. It was like moving in and out of two different realities. I've never forgotten that feeling.
I feel it now.
When I tried to revive Daddy, something weird happened. I could still see the hospital room, and him lying in the bed. I could see the world outside the window and the F-22 flying up into a low ceiling of fluffy white clouds.
But I could also see other things. Things that were dreamlike, that couldn't be really real, but they really, really were.
I saw Daddy younger, but still old, in a control room with a pretty red-headed lady. They looked scared. Then suddenly, Daddy was young, and he and the lady were together -- together, together -- and then, just as suddenly, he was old again. And the lady? What happened to her? I couldn't see, but now there was a baby and the baby was me.
And now I see the hospital again, but it feels just like it did there, dreamlike but real. More than real. Like a real that is beyond what we know. A quantum reality where everything that might be, is.
Suddenly -- everything is suddenly, even though it seems like it's taking forever -- I'm back. The weirdness is over and I'm still holding Daddy trying to bring him back, but there's no energy passing between us. It's like I don't have any left.
Then I hear his voice.
"Tami?"
But it's not quite his voice. It's younger, way younger. But I know it's his.
I stand up, looking down at him, lying there in the hospital bed. He's alive.
And he looks ten years old.
Its four in the morning. I woke up about an hour ago and couldnt get back to sleep. Ryan is beside me, sleeping in a chair, looking so sweet that I just want to hug him. And he is sweet. And kind. And heroic. Hes my knight and he makes me feel like a princess.
If it wasnt for him, my life would totally suck right now.
Im spending the night in the infirmary wearing a heart monitor because I had a really bad anxiety attack last evening. Why should I be anxious about anything? Of course it just might have something to do with the week Ive had, starting with this past weekend.
After Daddy didnt die but was instead de-aged, he hugged me and thanked me and it was just weird beyond words to realize that the parent who had always provided for me and looked out for me had turned into this little boy that I had to take care of now. I hugged him and told him everything would be all right, and then I had to get to work fast to make that happen.
I was pretty sure that the staff would arrive soon probably with security to see exactly what had happened in Daddys room. To make matters worse, when they did, there wasnt much I could do because powers-wise I was drained.
I shucked out of my jeans and tee shirt and let Daddy put them on (yeah, Im about the same size as a ten-year old boy gyah!) which left me with my coat (glad it was a cold snap going on!) that covered me to my knees and so worked pretty well for getting me out of there.
We passed the hospital staff as they were running to the room and made it to the elevators without a hitch. We hid out on the second floor while I called Mr. Greg Counsel, Daddys lawyer and confidante. (Yes, thats really his name. And really, I dont know what would have happened if not for him. He threw an injunction or something at Michael Sr. that kept that him from harassing us while we took care of some really important, life-changing stuff.)
Mr. Counsel showed up in about ten minutes and snuck us out past Michael Sr., Mikey, and Peter (who were all just now getting back from where Id sent them to the parking lot). Then he took us to his office while he set up the injunction (or something) and after that, we were safe.
Thats when the hard work started.
Daddy was still mostly himself in his mind, but said that he was undergoing some sort of change and wasnt sure he would be himself for very long, that he was forgetting things he knew about his inventions and how my powers worked and that we had better hurry and come up with a plan of action. If Michael Sr. found out he was still alive and in such a state, he could have him declared incompetent and take control of everything including me! It was decided the best course would be to set Daddy up with a new identity, and we decided that identity would be my clone-brother, Mitri.
Daddy and I forged documents and a journal (Mr. Counsel couldnt be present for that part) that showed that Daddy had been working on cloning and Mitri was the result. Then we all visited a scientist Daddy trusted Dr. Phodor -- and he performed tests to prove that Mitri was indeed Dmitri Martinovs genetic duplicate.
Those tests revealed something else too: Daddy was leaking some sort of anomalous chronal energy. Not only was his mind changing, his body was too, and we werent sure exactly when he was going to stabilize. I was afraid he was just going to re-age and die again.
As this was going on, my powers were recharging, which I considered a good thing. And it turns out that Mitri, as he was draining off the chronal energy, was also charging up with quantum energy, which I also considered a good thing. Maybe he could use it to keep himself alive.
But and theres always a but -- Dr. Phodor determined that we were both lucky to have survived the anomalous chronal event unscathed, and that we very likely wouldnt be so lucky next time. In other words, we could never ever get close to each other. We would never be able to touch each other.
My father would never hug me again.
I could live with that, I thought. At least I would still have him. I mean, even if he was younger and forgot some things, wouldnt he still be who he was?
Mr. Counsel sent Mitri to Paragon City while I stayed behind to finish some legal stuff.
Okay. Im fifteen years old. All of that stuff is enough to make me crazy if I let it, but I think I handled it pretty well. Daddys not dead, right? And even if he cant hold my hand or kiss my cheek anymore, we can still talk and hell still be there for me, right?
When I got back from Virginia, I found out that my father was in a hotel in Etoile having a fling with my sorta sister, Dani. Supposedly they had wound up there through some sort of teleportation accident.
At first I was mad. Really mad. Like
finding something or someone to rad blast mad. The fact that Dani called me to gloat in my ear didnt help. I thought she loved me. I thought he did too.
Then I realized something. Mitri
Daddy
hes smarter than I am, and sometimes, when I try really hard, I can see things on a quantum level. I can feel the empty space between atoms. (Sometimes something like a steel door feels as intangible as air. I wonder if I could walk through one? Im afraid to try.) If I can sense things like that, then Im sure Mitri can too and probably better. I suspect he manipulated that teleportation accident to take them to the one place where there would be no chance of me walking in on something. I suspect he set her up. It makes me wonder if hes any better than Mikey.
It makes me feel like just
oh
poo. The heart monitor is going off. Im never going to get out of here. I wish
And then just like he heard my wish (or maybe the heart monitor? But thats less romantic) Ryan opens his eyes. He looks worried. I dont want to be a princess in distress. Id rather be the one who kills the Witch King. But then he takes my hand and brushes my hair away from my face and kisses my cheek. All my anxiety drains away. I know it will be back tomorrow, but for now, I relax again. I might even fall asleep.
After all, I have a knight watching over me.
((Serv'd! Episode 12))
The theme music to "Serv'd!" ended as the cameras faded in to the Metahuman Process Service office where Agent Munin, Hephaestus 1, and the Paperwork Ninja worked for the Rhode Island District Courts. Heph sat at his workstation, reviewing the paperwork again after sending it out.
Thirty-seven subpoenas addressed to a certain Cape Radio celebrity, Posthaste, had been filed from thirty-seven different lawyers in the name of thirty-seven different women. Thirty-six were in English, but one had to be translated from Late Empire Latin.
"Mercurius Maximus Celeritas," Heph said as he looked at the papyrus sheets in front of him.
Munin fumed at her desk. "Posthaste wouldn't do this! He's married!"
"And married to a woman who could set him on fire, no less. That'll keep most guys from straying," Heph said. "It works in my case."
"Shava would set you on fire?" the Paperwork Ninja asked.
"Well, yeah. She'd sue for breach of contract, then set me on fire because she was heartbroken. I couldn't do that to her, anyway," Heph said. "I'm not getting into that, though."
Heph and Munin's stealthy case manager sat down at Heph's desk and flipped through the summaries. "Thirty-six women in town have stated that Posthaste is the father to their child. The reasoning is that these thirty-six women all have children aged eight to sixteen who have superpowers related to high rates of speed."
Munin looked through the files available on her desk. "But, PN, Posty wasn't even here when most of these kids were born!"
"Time travel," the Paperwork Ninja said. "Mercurius Celeritas was born to Potential Posthaste Paramour Number 37 in Cimerora in... says here 465 C.E. And lots of heroes tend to go there for sun, fun and beating the crap out of evil, right?"
Heph sighed. "I know it's not our job to investigate this stuff. We serve papers to folks, that's it. But I don't like seeing any heroes threatened with suits like this. Especially when it's a close personal friend like Posthaste."
"Posty is a close personal friend of yours, Heph?" Munin asked.
"Well, he was a good sport about being in my Bavarian Raiding Song video, so I owe him one for that at least," the big blue cyborg said.
"Yeah, he seemed kind of squicked about it," Munin said.
"I was hoping the paycheck would soothe his hurting," Heph said. "Regardless, I say we help find out if these kids really are his or not."
"How about DNA tests?" Munin and the Paperwork Ninja said simultaneously.
Heph shrugged. "The lawyers are dragging their feet on those tests at the moment. I know of a couple guys who might be able to help with that, though."
"Who's that?" Munin asked.
"Two big names in Paragon City: one in the field of law, the other in the field of daytime talk. I'm talking of none other than Chris Jenkins and Morty Blovich!"
The scene faded to commercial.
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From herogossip.com:
"You know it was a messed-up dream when you wake yourself up by shouting 'Field Marshal von Sprinkles! Hand me THE SQUEAKY MALLET!' The cats are usually pretty disturbed by it, too, but I think it's more from the shouting than the concept." -- Mick "Hephaestus 1" O'Flannagan, overheard at The Vicious Snark Pub's weekly Kings Row Homebrewers Society meeting
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Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
((just catching up on this , great work ))
((Season 3, Episode 12, part 2!))
As the show returned from its commercial break, Heph, Agent Munin and the camera crew were at the offices of Chris Jenkins, Attorney-At-Law. They were ushered into Chris' extravagantly-outfitted office quickly.
"Mick! Great to see you again," Jenkins said. "Now, tell me, what can Paragon City's best methuman-injury lawyer do for you today? Cigar?" he asked, offering a humidity-controlled box of Punch cigars to his large blue visitor.
"Dominicans?" Heph asked.
"Naturally," Jenkins said. "I'm a red-blooded American sleazeball lawyer, after all."
"Don't mind if I do, then," Heph said, lighting up the cigar and taking a few drags. "Anyway, I need your assistance on behalf of The Cape Radio's very own Posthaste."
"Why didn't he come to me, then?" Jenkins asked.
"Because I'm asking on his behalf," Heph said. "Besides, who saved your sorry butt from the Rikti Anti-Defamation League?"
"You did," Jenkins said.
"Which lawyer promised me a lifetime of no-charge legal advice and discounted research work as a token of thanks after saving his sorry hide from the reality-warping nightmare known as I EAT PASTE MAN?"
"I did," Jenkins said.
"Well, I need your help in doing some discovery on Posty's behalf," Heph said. "I need solid evidence on who's bankrolling the thirty-seven paternity suits being leveled against Posthaste."
"Thirty-seven?" Jenkins asked.
"Yep. Imagine the payday of beating thirty-seven suits in one go. Even if it's just loser pays legal fees."
Jenkins seemed to gasp, then regained his composure. "Excuse me, I'll be in my private chambers for a moment." With that, the lawyer ran to his personal law library and slammed the door shut.
"He's not doing what I think he's doing, is he?" Munin asked.
"No. He is, however, salivating openly and rolling around in his BVDs on the most recently-printed stacks of Westlaw references while singing the male lead to Beethoven's Ode to Joy," Heph said.
Agent Munin looked at her boss with horror.
"I'm a cyborg," Heph said to his partner from around his cigar. "And my sensor feed picked up enough that I can safely say that I'm never going to unsee it."
"Can't you shut that down?" she asked.
"No," Heph replied. "My sensory feed is often a nightmare of regrettable sights, sounds, and other horrors."
"Like what, smells?"
"Now you know why I'm smoking a cigar," Heph said. "It's like using oil of wintergreen in your mustache when dealing with decayed bodies at a crime scene."
After about twenty minutes, Chris Jenkins walked back in, adjusting his tie. "I'll take the case!"
Heph turned to his teammate. "Okay, Em, hand over the copies of the data we've found so far and we'll be off."
"Wait, can we trust him, Heph?"
"I'll hand him over to the Rikti if he misbehaves," Heph said.
"Not to I EAT PASTE MAN?" Munin asked.
"The world doesn't need another pro-wrestling lawyer," Heph answered. "I EAT PASTE MAN has peculiar ideas on what lawyers do."
Agent Munin shook her head. "What an idiot." She dropped a hard copy of the current information gleaned from The Cape Radio's commercial recording session logs on Jenkins' desk. "Our biggest suspect at the moment is Citadel. It seems that he and Uncle Posty had an argument during the recording session for the Isaac Academy. Posty kept snickering at the way that Citadel said the name 'Luminary' and this caused our member of the Freedom Phalanx to storm out angrily."
"Hmm," Jenkins said. "It's interesting, but does Citadel have the kind of money to bankroll that?"
"He rarely spends his money on anything. He's a robot and doesn't have many needs. Even with his charities he's still loaded," Heph said. "And uh, Chris? You're drooling again."
"Uhm, sorry," Jenkins said. "Anyway, since it's all paternity suits, we'll need to get DNA tests done. Who's got time to do thirty-seven DNA tests?"
"Only one man has that kind of time and influence to get them done simultaneously. That man is Morty Blovich, king of Paragon City's daytime talk shows."
Munin stood up and gathered up her gear. "I hear today's episode is going to reveal shocking secrets that could destroy a friendship," she said.
"Yeah, pretty much," Heph said. "That's how it's usually scheduled. Walk in with swagger, hear shocking secret, fly into publicity-fueled tantrum, and cut to commercial."
"How do you know that?"
"Jerry Springer's shows are in Chicago. It follows the same schedule. Oprah's isn't much different except that it's walk, hear, tearful response, and cut to commercial with promise of help from medical celebrity," Heph said. "Anyway, to the truck, then into the bowels of entertainment at its lowest common denominator."
"Will we regret this, boss?" Munin asked.
"We'll find out," Heph said as they faded to commercial. "We'll find out."
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((Season 3, Episode 12, part 3!))
When the show came back in from commercial the team had already pulled up to WPWN-TV's studios.
The scene cut to a side view of the Morty Blovich show's set. A young red-haired woman in a peasant skirt and blouse, spotted bandanna, and tricorner hat sat in one of the chairs, puffing demurely at a cigar, cutlass by her side.
"Well, Black-Hearted Jenny," Morty said in his usual wind-up, "it seems that your boyfriend Kaz has something to tell you."
"Arr," Jenny replied. "Be he expandin' his fleet o' swordboats? Where we don't sell our catch we can pillage just as fast with 'em!"
Morty looked to the cameras with his wiser-than-thou smirk. "Not quite. Kaz! Come on out here and spill your secret!"
"I'm already here, Morty," came the voice from the empty chair next to Black-Hearted Jenny. The pirate's eyes narrowed.
"Where be ye, Kaz?" Jenny said suspiciously.
"Right next to you." In a cloud of smoke a young man appeared, seated next to his girlfriend. His clothes were a shadowy mix of midnight blue, black and gray, and his face was covered in a traditional ninja mask.
"I'm a ninja, Jenny. I've been trying to get you to admit that for a year now," the young man said, hand on his own pair of blades.
"This... THIS BE LOVE MUTINY!" Jenny said as her cutlass flashed towards Kaz's head. "Avast, me sea dogs! Attend yer captain!" she shouted as a group of vicious-looking sailors stood up from the crowd, only to dive for cover as a hail of shuriken launched from out of the shadows.
Morty smiled amid the fighting, the studio audience scrambling for safety and the general chaos. He pointed to the camera. "We'll be right back!" he shouted shortly before the camera was crushed by a five-pound cannonball. The daytime talk show host ducked and wove his way through the battle to get offstage.
Heph, Munin and their faithful recording team were in the reception area as Morty jogged in. "Heph! What brings you here on 'Shocking Revelations Day'?"
Heph looked over at the melee and mayhem in the studio. "Uh, is anyone going to stop that?"
Morty looked back behind him. "Oh! Right!" The host pushed a button on his wristwatch, sealing off the entire set and studio audience portion of the soundstage from the rest of the studio. As soon as the plexiglas walls dropped and sealed, an odd greenish mist fell upon the crowd of violent pirates, aggressive ninjas and hapless bystanders.
"Soviet surplus knockout gas. Stops arguments like that!" Morty said with a snap of his fingers.
Heph and Munin looked at each other and shrugged.
"Anyway," Heph said, "I'm here because you've got one of the best teams of genetic testers in the daytime talk show business at your beck and call. You've heard about Posthaste's thirty-seven little problems, I take it?"
"Heard about it?" Morty asked incredulously, "I've been waiting to hand you the results of the DNA tests!"
"You had them already done?" Munin asked. "How?"
"It's a trade secret, kid," Morty said with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "But I can tell you this. Out of all thirty-seven kids, Posthaste is definitely not the father!"
"Well, that's good!" Heph said with a sigh of relief.
"Well, it's as obvious as the nose on your face... er, uh, no offense," Morty said.
"None taken, though the tabloids will say I punched you through a roof tomorrow," Heph said. "The thing is, though, I need your crack team of researchers to do a little more testing for me on a couple of the kids for another case."
"Heph, we've got the evidence to clear Posty's good name, so why are we worried about other cases?" Munin said. "Now we can work on linking Citadel to this!"
"How so?" Heph said.
"Hang on a sec," Munin said as she ran out to the truck.
Heph looked back at the now-unconscious crowd of pirates and ninjas in the gas-filled section of the studio. "So, uh, how long will they be like that?"
"Oh, once we pump in some fresh air, they'll be back to normal in no time, if I remember my Russian correctly," Morty said.
"You speak Russian?"
"Okay, if the translation engine I used worked right," Morty said. "Frankly all I know is that no one's twitching and dying in there, so it's all good for all I care."
Heph's Eyebrow of Disbelief rose a little. "I see."
Munin came back into the studio with what looked to be some kind of camera case. "I caught one of the courier robots that have been passing money back and forth between Citadel and those lawyers."
The young archer opened the box to reveal a small collection of dismantled robot parts. The patterning on the robot's outer shell was very reminiscent of Citadel's circuitry. Heph picked up the little robot's head and looked at it appraisingly.
"You do DNA testing so well, Morty, how about a challenge? Do you think you can read the manufacturing marks on this to determine where, when and by who this robot was made?"
Morty nodded. "Done and done, Heph! I'll get my best lackeys and minions on it immediately!" Morty waved over two production assistants in lab coats, who picked up the box and labeled it, then carried it away. "I guess this is just a case of a good robot being pushed too far by people who don't know him too well. By the way, when are we getting your crew, Posthaste, One Hit Wonder and Citadel together for a taping?"
"Uh, never?" Heph said with a shrug. "This really isn't good daytime tv fare."
"Heph, you might know reality television, but you don't know daytime talk shows. This is perfect daytime fare!"
The scene faded out and then back in as the team walked back into their office at the Rhode Island District Courts building. Heph's cellphone link rang as he picked it up for the recording team.
"Hello?" Heph said.
"Heph! It's Morty. My researchers have found something very interesting! And even better, this will make for some amazing daytime television!"
"Oh, crap," Heph said as the realization sank in. He turned to Munin. "Em, get ready. We're going to be on someone else's TV show."
The screen faded to commercial.
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((Episode 12, the conclusion! Beware. In-jokes dead ahead.))
Heph and Agent Munin found themselves in one of the green rooms for the Morty Blovich Show, sitting between Posthaste and One Hit Wonder. While Munin's eyes darted back and forth nervously, Heph settled in with a tray of doughnuts and a large cup of coffee.
"Okay," Heph said, "I need to find the bakery who does Morty's catering. This stuff is good!" The big blue cyborg offered the tray of powdered doughnuts to Munin. "Want one?"
"I better not," Munin said. "I don't like getting powdered sugar on my clothes."
"Wondie?" Heph asked One Hit Wonder. "How about you?"
"I'm good, Heph," One Hit Wonder said as she stretched a little.
"How about you, Posty?" Heph asked Posthaste.
"Whah doughnuff?" the speedster said behind a mouthful of doughnuts.
Heph looked down at the empty tray in front of him then back at Posthaste. "I'm forgiving you for eating all of those delicious doughnuts because of your high metabolism and your delicate condition."
Posthaste finished off the doughnuts with a gulp. "Delicate condition?"
"Yeah, if it turns out that Morty was wrong and those really are your kids, we'll be--" Heph said, then stopped as Munin jabbed her elbow into his side. The blonde-haired archer nodded towards One Hit Wonder.
"Not helping, Heph," Munin said coldly.
Heph nodded. "Oh. Right."
"Oh, I'm sure Morty didn't mess up," One Hit Wonder said sweetly. "Because then I'd have to set Posty on fire. And he doesn't want that, does he?"
"I think I can speak for all of humanity when I say that no one wants to be set on fire except maybe for a few real weirdoes," Heph said.
Munin perked up. "Oh! That reminds me! We still have to get the summons delivered for that public indecency trial."
"Right, right, that's the case with the highly-flammable martial artist called Burning Wang."
"No, it's the case where a horde of bored middle-aged housewives forcibly stripped a local stage magician known as The Fantastic Wang. Then they sued him for false advertising. Burning Wang is his brother," Munin deadpanned.
"Right. Wrong Wang," Heph said.
"No, that's their brother who's a habitual shoplifter and vandal."
"So they all go by nicknames?" Heph asked.
Munin nodded. "Well, people apparently got them mixed up when they used their real names, Yu and Hu."
"Yu Wang and Hu Wang?" Heph asked, worried about what oddity was coming next.
"They all use nicknames except for one, the itinerant explosives expert who was named after Old Man Wang's favorite football player," Munin said.
"Let me guess... Boomer Wang?" Heph said.
"No. Larry Wang. Old Man Wang was a huge Miami Dolphins fan back in the day, apparently," Munin deadpanned. "Who in their right mind would name their kid 'Boomer'?"
Posthaste and One Hit Wonder just stared.
"How... how do you guys handle the strain?" Posthaste asked.
"That's easy, Uncle Posty," Munin said. "We're professionals. Besides, the Wang family is probably one of the few cases where an entire extended family goes into the crimefighting business.
"They're good people even though they can be a little on the aloof side when you first meet them. They might be Wangs, but they're our Wangs," Heph added.
One Hit Wonder looked over at Posthaste. "Honey, how is it you haven't gone insane by having him at your shows?"
"No idea," Posthaste said.
As if on cue, Morty Blovich poked his head into the green room. "Okay, you four, you'll be on in two minutes."
The four heroes stood up and got ready to head to the studio stage. The footage then switched to that of the Morty Blovich Show.
"All right, next up on our show is another shocking revelation!" Morty said to the audience. "It seems that someone has been having a little problem in the matter of marital fidelity if these thirty-seven women and their superpowered children are any indication!" Morty waved his note cards over to a makeshift bleacher section where thirty-seven women and thirty-seven children sat, most of whom were wearing "Posthaste: Paragon City's Babydaddy" t-shirts.
"So, to face the music, we've invited The Cape Radio's very own Posthaste to our show. Posthaste, come on out!" Morty said as the show's music came up. Posthaste walked out to a booing crowd, giving a "what do you expect?" shrug to the audience. Heph, Munin and One Hit Wonder followed right out after him.
Morty smiled. "Ah, it looks like you've brought backup today, Posthaste!"
"Yeah, yeah," Posthaste said. "Look, let's get this over with, all right? One Hit Wonder and I have been on edge for way too long over these stupid lawsuits and it's time my good name was cleared!"
"Well, thanks to your good friend Hephaestus 1 and his contacts in the legal world as well as my team of crack researchers, we can put some finality on this entire subject." Morty waved to the next person off stage. "With some help from the legal team at the Chris Jenkins Law Firm, we managed to get the DNA Evidence that will show once and for all if Posthaste has a problem with marital infidelity. Chris! Come on out with the results!"
"Wait, how did you get my DNA?" Posthaste asked.
"Never you mind," Heph said. "The important thing is that we got it from an impeccable source."
The music played again and Chris Jenkins, Attorney-at-Law swaggered out to boos and jeers as well. He had an envelope with a gold seal affixed to the flap. "Thank you, thank you, Morty. As you know, I spend a lot of time suing the daylights out of heroes for wrongful injury lawsuits. In the spirit of the Christmas season, though, I thought I'd help out a hero who desperately needed it."
Heph looked at Chris, his Eyebrow of Disbelief rising slightly.
Chris notice Heph's stare and smiled sheepishly. "I also don't want to be handed back over to U'Kon Grai."
"That's better," Heph said.
Chris handed the envelope over to Morty, whose eyes darted back and forth between Posthaste's crew and the horde of single mothers. He smiled with anticipation. "And the results are..."
Morty opened the envelope. The camera cut to Posthaste, then to the moms, then back to Morty.
"Posthaste, you are not the father of these thirty-seven children!"
The crowd booed and jeered as Posthaste danced for joy. "YES! EXONERATION IS MINE!" he shouted. Heph, Munin and One Hit Wonder stepped forward to guard the jubilant hero.
"I'll hug you later, Posty," One Hit Wonder said. "Right now I'm going to try to keep the angry mob away from you."
Posthaste stopped dancing, walked over to Morty and hugged him. "Yes! I just want to say one thing, Morty!" He grabbed the microphone and looked into the camera. "How does failure taste, Citadel?"
Morty smiled as he took the microphone back. "Why not ask Citadel in person? Come on out, Citadel!"
Talos Island's most famous robot walked out onto the stage looking rather confused. "I... I was told I would be meeting... Luminary... here to discuss her problem with not returning my emails." He then looked at Posthaste. "You! You ruined my reputation! I do not say... Luminary... in a humorous manner! Now everyone who helps me with various tasks always says 'Hey, Citadel, say your friend's name!' and then I get angry and kick them off the team roster!"
"I'm sorry!" Posthaste said. "You just always say her name with such emphasis it made me laugh."
"Luminary... is a dear friend of mine. Please do not take my respect for her skills in dealing with people as something worthy of japery," Citadel said.
"Well, that was no reason to push thirty-seven paternity lawsuits on me!"
"I did no such thing!"
"You helped pay for them! The lawyers admitted to getting paid cash via your little courier robots!"
"My robots did nothing of the sort! They only serve to get freshly-recharged batteries for myself and... Luminary... during our daily tasks of assigning new heroes to certain tasks and signing off on their security level upgrades!" Citadel said. "And if you don't agree, I think we should take this outside!
Morty gave another "I know something you don't" smirk to the two bickering heroes. "Now, now, heroes, let's be civil. Besides, you two shouldn't be angry at each other."
"What?" Posthaste and Citadel said.
"No, thanks to my research crew and the remains of a courier robot, we found out something very interesting." Morty looked over at Citadel. "This robot looks like yours, Citadel, but you are not the progenitor!"
"Well, that's good to know!" Citadel. "Wait, why is that good to know?"
Morty grinned. "Because I have the real builder of this mini-bot waiting in the wings! Come on out, Vandal!"
The Fifth Column's master of robotics walked out amid more boos. When he noticed the assembly of heroes, lawyers, and talk-show hosts, he became suspicious.
"Wait," Vandal said. "There's the guy who I tricked into thinking that he was being sued by my real target. And there's the real target, Citadel, whose reputation I was going to ruin by making it look like he was filing frivolous lawsuits against other heroes for petty reasons... and there's the process servers who..."
"This was a set-up to get at Citadel?" Posthaste interrupted. "I feel so used!"
"You were trying to ruin my reputation by not only building shoddy copies of me, but also by making it look like I was overly litigious?" Citadel asked. "You, sir, are the basest of villains, indeed!"
"So, this is not really a chance for me to reveal my feelings to Arakhn?" Vandal asked.
"No, sorry, Vandal, that was just a ruse to get you into the same room as the people whose lives you've been ruining through excessive litigation, both the single mothers and the heroes."
"Well, I wouldn't say it was totally ruined," Chris Jenkins added. "Okay, maybe it was a little ruined."
"The problem with your scheme, Vandal, is that heroes don't sneak around and sue each other," Heph said. "They confront each other eye-to-eye and then they sue each other. That's what set off my old detective's intuition."
Munin added her own explanation. "And when I found that courier robot I began to think that we were chasing the wrong guy. Heph helped confirm that."
"And who's a robot-building enemy of Citadel's, who just happens to regularly try to use him as a template for an army of robot villains?" Heph asked.
"I still feel used!" Posthaste chimed in. "Don't forget that!"
"Well," Vandal said nervously as he began to take a few steps back. "All's well that ends well, right? Right?"
"No," One Hit Wonder said. "You made my husband look like he was cheating on me, and made me lose valuable time preparing for my own radio show on The Cape. I could have lost listeners because of you! Hell hath no fury like a woman with fire powers scorned, Vandal!" The young woman summoned a large handful of fire. "I am so setting you on fire for that."
Vandal stopped. "Oh. Doodycakes." He broke into a run as Posthaste, One Hit Wonder, Munin, and thirty-seven superpowered children chased him out of the studio. Morty and Heph stood there with Chris Jenkins.
"Well, I think we've learned a valuable lesson today, Morty," Heph said.
"You're right. Sometimes things that seem cut and dried really aren't," Morty said. "Sometimes a plan to sue a hero into grinding poverty is just cover for a greater plan to discredit another hero."
"And sometimes even a trial lawyer can serve a greater purpose other than as a backstop at a rifle range," Heph added.
"And hey, everyone in the television audience! Call me if you need to sue someone!" Chris added.
"Right, right," Morty said. "Well, for Hephaestus 1 and Chris Jenkins, this is Morty Blovich signing off. Good day to you, Paragon City!" The talk show's theme music played as the audience left the studio.
Morty turned to Heph. "So, how did you manage to get the DNA evidence we needed to prove Posthaste's non-paternity?"
"I have sources," Heph said.
The camera cut to a small hideout in the Rogue Isles which was covered in posters of Rob Zombie and Posthaste and the word "YAY!" painted on the walls. The Mighty MANCRUSH sat there with a 55-gallon drum of ice cream, two tickets to the next Rob Zombie concert, and a key.
"Hooray! Now MANCRUSH can surprise Posthaste with concert tickets in bed for Christmas! Posthaste and One Hit Wonder will love them and thus also love MANCRUSH! And all it cost was a pair of Posthaste's sweatiest athletic socks! MANCRUSH is totally pleased with the trade of sweat socks for tickets, ice cream, and a spare key to Posthaste's house! YAAAY!"
The camera faded out to credits.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
((I've fallen behind with Tami posts. My apologies. These are from a little while ago, so this is catching up. ))
Ryan had a fight with Dad-- er... Mitri.
No, it wasn't like that. No punches or anything. Just mostly like... angry talk. Ryan was pretty upset about my anxiety attacks, and he knew that a huge part of my problem was the fact that Mitri had taken my adopted sister off for the weekend. (I mean while I was dealing with lawyers and fighting for my freedom and his, he took Dani off and seduced her! Gyah! It still makes me want to scream to think about it! Am I being unreasonable?!)
So Ryan decided to confront him. I found out about it when Mitri called me and said, "I'm not your father. Your father died. You need to accept it." He said that! Just... cold like that!
I'm not sure what all was said before or after that, and I'm not sure I want to know. I just know that it was a hurtful thing for him to say to me. It's like Daddy didn't die, but he did, because Mitri is nothing like the man who used to kiss my boo boos and read "Goodnight Moon" to me.
Right after Mitri said that horrible thing, Ryan came to find me. He was all tense and looked just like after he's plowed his way through a cadre of Council soldiers. I could tell just by looking at him that he had wanted to hit Mitri, but he hadnt. He didnt do what he felt like doing because he knew I needed him right then. He left the fight to take care of me. That's so... manly.
When he found me, I was crying like a baby. I asked him what had happened, and without saying anything that would make me feel even worse, he told me about it: about Mitris complaining that I was expecting him to be someone hes not; about how Dani would take my side one instant, and Mitris the next; and about how he snapped and told Mitri not to speak to me ever.
Then Ryan put his arms around me and apologized for that last part. And as hurt as I was by it all, I couldnt help but feel better knowing that Ryan would take on anyone for me.
You dont have anything to apologize for, I said, then kissed him.
I came this close to telling him that hes adorable. But Ryans rugged and tough and other words that you cant use to describe kittens. Adorable? I'll keep that one to myself.
Still, I cant help it I do adore him. I dont know what Id have done without him through all of this. Hes so constant and strong -- and tender when I need him to be.
Ill patch things up with Dani tomorrow. And Ill figure out what to do about Mitri too. tomorrow.
Right now, Im going to let Ryan hold me until curfew. And if the dorm monitor doesnt peek in, maybe a little bit longer.
((Still playing catch-up.))
Im so ashamed. I dont know how I can ever face Ryan after this. I feel like such a bad person. Its not like I sought this out, like I wanted it to happen. It just did. I want it undone, but I dont know if thats possible.
The really sad thing is, I suspected it was a setup, but in the end, that didnt matter. I didnt care
just didnt
But let me tell you about it. Maybe if I tell someone, it wont seem so bad.
You know the thing in Paragon where every Halloween we get this supernatural invasion? Where creatures and monsters and things that go bump in the night run rampant through the city and we heroes have to try to keep them under control? Well, thats what I was doing tonight
wait
I guess it was last night since its like four a.m. now. Anyway, that supernatural thing is where my problem started.
It was getting close to curfew maybe twenty minutes before and I had missed my evening run because of a zombie attack. (Do you know how hard it is to run down the beach when hands are coming up through the sand grabbing your ankles?) So I thought I could maybe put on my running gear, do a quick mile, and be back in time for bed.
So I thought.
I was about half a mile up from Spankys Boardwalk, running barefoot in the edge of the surf, and getting ready to turn around when I heard voices calling for help. The shouts were coming from the end of that long pier you know, the one the Warriors claim as their own so I teleported over there to see what I cold do.
At the very end of the pier, there was a fight going on. There were about fifteen Warriors fighting these three guys who were a lot smaller than them. One of the guys was staggering with an arrow in his chest.
Right away I used my powers to alter the air around the Warriors so that they couldnt breathe. Then I hit them with a wide-angle particle beam and thats all it took they left.
You guys should be careful, I told the Warriors victims, Everyone knows this pier is theirs.
Sorry, one of them said, We were just goofing off when they attacked. We didnt know we were on their property.
I didnt look at him while he talked. I was too busy applying my healing powers to his wounded friend.
Arrows and things like that are tricky. You see, when I heal people, Im really just kinda restoring them to their natural quantum state, before they were injured. If someone has some sort of foreign object in them, I have to make sure not to let it be affected by my powers also, or else after I heal someone, they will immediately be back in a precarious condition. So the best way to get rid of a projectile is to accelerate its subatomic frequency until it no longer has molecular cohesiveness. It makes things like arrows and bullets just disappear as I heal someone. It sounds more complicated than it is.
So I used this power to get rid of the arrow and the guy healed up before I even had a chance to apply my healing powers.
Youre meta? I said.
Meta? he replied. Yes, Ive just meta angel. Then he smiled.
I giggled.
Thats when I took a good look at them. The moon was past half and shining and I could see them pretty well. They were young, probably a couple years older than me -- maybe even old enough to be university men. Two of them had dark hair and one of them the arrow victim -- was blonde. All of them looked pale in the moonlight, but then, I looked pale in the moonlight. Moonlight does that to people. They were all three tall and very, very good-looking. But the thing that stands out the most now, but that I didnt really notice at the time is this: They had black eyes. I dont understand how I didnt see that as soon as I met them, but they had black, shiny eyes.
Seriously, I said, Do you guys have powers? And if you do, how come you didnt defend yourselves?
One of the dark-haired ones spoke up and said, Our powers arent for fighting with.
No, said the other dark-haired one, We arent fighters at all.
Okay. That sorta started the alarms in my head, but I ignored them. After all, there are plenty of people who have powers that are strictly defensive or support-only.
I thought for a moment and said, I could escort you guys somewhere safer if you like.
They liked. We wound up walking to an area west of the train station, where they said they shared an apartment and I stood with them while we waited for the doorman to come open up. I couldnt just abandon them there you know whats been coming out of doors lately.
So we were standing there when the blonde one said, Id like to give you something for saving my life.
No need its what I do, I told him.
But please, I only want to give you a kiss. His voice was like melted chocolate poured over satin and somehow his hand was holding mine.
The alarms in my head were blaring now, but I found myself not caring.
I really should go bedtime and all that, I said and I think I think I tried to pull away from him.
But you wouldnt deprive a rescued gentleman in distress a kiss from his rescuer, would you?
I opened my mouth to protest, but found myself closing my eyes as his mouth covered mine.
I felt
out of control
as if I had no will to stop it from happening. And really, I found myself wanting it to happen. Wanting more to happen. Wanting
Oh gosh!
I understood what was going on and opened my eyes. I was kissing a different boy now -- one of the dark-haired ones -- and when I realized that, I blasted them, sending them sprawling to the sidewalk. They laughed at me from there.
With my senses restored I took a good look at my surroundings. This was no apartment building it was just a warehouse! I looked at my molesters and they werent even handsome boys they were
demons for want of a better word with pointed ears and wide grinning mouths filled with sharp, pointed teeth. And they were naked.
Incubi! I shouted calling them what they were incubi who this year had come along with all the other horrors! Dirty, filthy --!
They just laughed more, and rose from the sidewalk, floating mist-like toward me.
I blasted them again. Stay away from me!
But girl, one of them said, you are so full of life and spirit. We cannot resist you.
Yes, said another, and having known the virgins kiss, the virgin is now ours.
Eww! God, I hate Halloween!
I tried to blast them again, but they were non-corporeal now, swirling like a cloud of smoke toward me.
You belong to us. I heard one of them say, And we will be with you from now until forever in your dreams.
I started crying when I realized the voice was inside my head.
So what can I do? Ive really messed up. Im staying awake now, because I will NOT go to sleep. Not with them waiting there for me. Oh gosh
I need help.
((There was a MA single mission story that went with this called "the Night Terrors". Some of Tami's Maggie's Rock sg mates ran it to rescue her. ))
((And still catching up.))
For three nights and days I stayed awake. It wasnt so hard the first night. I just bought Torigimi Volume 1 and watched it from curfew until dawn. It had been a while since Id seen it, so it was sorta fun doing an all-nighter watching an old favorite anime. I cried when Ichi died, just like I did when I was twelve and watched it the first time. And in a way, I was watching it for the first time. The dvd version is the original Japanese version, without dubbing, so I had to read subtitles, which is kinda cool and less distracting than the terrible voice-overs they did for American TV. The story was basically the same, but there were some subtle differences, like Yurio had more than a girl-crush on Mariko. And there was full nudity. I was totally not expecting that.
But the second night was hard. I tried to make out like nothing was going on, but that just meant that I lied to everybody. I lied to Ryan when he asked if I was feeling okay. What was I supposed to tell him? No, Im avoiding sleep because I dont want to be ravished in my sleep by monsters? I just didnt know how to tell him -- what to tell him -- so I kept it to myself. I also lied to Shanna and told her I was having late-night hunger pangs and she let me leave the dorms to go to the kitchen. I wound up roaming the house all night. I even found a door to the sub-basement. That place was creepy enough to keep me from even thinking about sleep for a long time. (Remind me to tell you what all I saw someday.) I skipped class the following day and went out fighting bad guys for the adrenaline rush instead.
As hard as the second night was, the third was worse. I had avoided Ryan all day, which broke my heart. It made me realize (like I should have from the start) that I needed to tell someone, even if I couldnt bring myself to go to him with it. Plus, I knew I couldnt fool Shanna twice (and I hate lying anyway) so I stayed in my room. I searched on the internet for stupid stuff -- watched some scary vids on You Tube, played D&D online, and I started a Second Life account.
Dont play Second Life late, late, late at night. Especially if youre dumb enough to answer the question, r u a grl in rl?
As soon as I heard people out and moving around the dorms, I took off with the intent of spending the day fighting bad guys again. I dont remember much of the day, just bit and pieces. I know I spent some time in a cave hunting for some Circle of Thorns mage, but I didnt find him because the cave was dark and cool and it made me sleepy to be there. I also remember getting kicked out of Perk-o-Later for asking for too many refills on coffee (I hate coffee). The only other thing I remember is being beside that big lake in Steel Canyon and thinking about how if I jumped in, the cold water would probably wake me up. Stupid.
I think thats where Jo and Dani found me. At least I kinda remember them there. Maybe it was my imagination. I really should find out, I guess.
Anyway, I must have fallen asleep there because the next thing I know it was halfway through the next day and I woke up in my own bed, all warm and snuggly and rested. No demon dreams. No nasty nightmares. Just peaceful sleep.
And someone had laid a stuffed panda beside my pillow.
((Still catching up.))
Things have reached a kinda normal place. Maybe I should call it the new normal.
Yesterday, Mr. Counsel, mine and Daer
Mitris lawyer, told me that he had not only been fighting Michael Sr. trying to get custody of me, but also the state of Virginia trying to extradite me! They wanted to charge me with unlawful destruction of a corpse or something like that. When Michael Sr. had gotten back to the hospital room and there was no body lying in the bed, he assumed I had done something with it! Like nuked it or something!
Somehow, Mr. Counsel convinced the state that even if I did do what they said I did, that I was under extreme emotional distress and that the charges should be reduced and I should pay a fine. And then he took care of the fine. Besides, when he asked them exactly how they planned to handle a minor who could teleport anywhere she wanted to go, they didnt have an answer.
He said the other stuff with Michael Sr. might take a while longer to settle, but that I shouldnt worry. So Im not.
And neither is Mitri, apparently. All he studies is his experiments and Dani. I just hope hes not experimenting on Dani.
We had a talk, Mitri and I. Something happened to him when he was helping drive the demons from my dreams. He remembered he was my father. Hes not quite the same as before because hes young and hes thinking from a young mans point of view. But he remembered. I think that if it wouldnt cause some sort of little catastrophe for us to touch, he would have hugged me. He told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of how I was handling things taking charge like I did. He also told me that I had a good man in Ryan. And, yeah, he used the word man.
That led to a really awkward conversation about the "s-word".
See, when I was around eleven or twelve old enough to start looking at boys Daddy started warning me about them. At first it was about how it wasnt right for a girl to be alone with a boy that people would spread gossip about them and that I should be careful of what kind of situation I found myself in with a boy because reputation is important. As I got a little older it went to how I had to be careful of myself because boys couldnt control their hormones and an innocent kiss could lead to something not so innocent. He never made me feel like he didnt trust me, but he always let me know that I couldnt trust boys to behave.
Now, since hes a boy again, hes done a total flip-flop. Not that I can blame him, I guess. Danis very pretty and is um
well developed. She doesnt look like a kid, she looks like a woman. A hot woman. So I suppose its normal for him to be falling victim to his own hormones. But its still weird.
Anyway, the outcome of that conversation left me a little confused, because basically he told me that that part of our lives are our own business that I shouldnt worry how intimate he and Dani are, and that what happens between Ryan and me is my business, so long as Ryan treats me well and I am happy.
Is that like giving me permission? I think Im too young to be given permission. And isnt there supposed to be a time after you do become active where part of the fun is trying not to get caught? Am I going to be robbed of that?
Its a non-issue anyway. My life is way too complicated right now for me to be taking any more risks. And like I said, I think Im too young.
I just hope Ryan agrees.
Gyah! The new normal is so confusing.
Speaking of Ryan, I finally told him about my demonic infestation. I thought he was going to be mad, but he wasnt he was hurt, which was way worse. You know how I think of him as my knight in shining armor? I found out he thinks of himself in that same way (which is soooo wonderful and sexy to the nth degree). Except this time, when I really desperately needed rescuing, I didnt give him the chance to. Yeah. I blew it big-time.
But you know what? He forgave me. He was really glad I was all right and that Jo and company were able to help me.
I promised him it wouldnt happen again. I wont hide anything from him ever again. I love him and I really need him in my life right now. I think maybe Ill need him in my life for always, but saying that out loud sounds like Im trying to rush him into something -- which Im not.
Im way too young to think about marriage. I have to finish high school and then theres college and starting a career and all that. But when I do think about getting married some day, I think about Ryan.
Dont tell him I said that. I dont want to scare him away.
((This will catch things up with Tami.))
I just got the strangest call from Mr. Counsel. He said that Mitri and I need to come see him as soon as possible; that he urgently needed to speak with us regarding that DNA test.
What DNA test? Oh, I thought Id told you about that.
The law firm representing Michael Sr.s side of the family sent me a DNA testing kit with a letter demanding that I provide them with a sample. I called Mr. Counsel who sent me another of the exact same testing kit and told me to take both at once and that I should send one to them and one to him.
I dont know why they want a DNA sample I think its just a new way for them to harass me but I did what Mr. Counsel said. I guess maybe he got the results back and wants to go over things with me.
It has me worried. Im going to ask Mitri if theres something he hasnt told me. What if Im adopted or something? But that cant be. Otherwise why would I have been told this story about the beautiful young lab assistant who died in childbirth? Maybe Dmitri Martinov wasnt my father. Maybe she seduced him so she could say he was? But that sounds kinda far-fetched too.
Im probably worrying over nothing. Mr. Counsel probably just wants to have a more thorough test done so that Michael Sr.s lawyers wont be able to substitute a fake DNA test result.
Probably nothing...
------
I'm so depressed.
I asked Mitri about the DNA test and he told me...
I don't know if I even believe him. He's not himself anymore. He's changed. He blames it on being brought back to life and his brain having to reorganize memories because it was sort of rebooted along with the rest of him. I mean, I don't think he would lie about something like this, but...
Gosh... I don't know what to believe anymore. I'm don't like him very much. He's supposed to be my father, but he isn't -- he's... Mitri. I wish I had just left him...
No. That's wrong. I'm glad he's alive. I'm glad he's got a second chance at youth. After all he did for me, I'm glad I could to that for him.
It's just that...
I asked him. He told me. He's not my real father.
((Beginning a new story. Hope you enjoy. ))
Mr. Counsel booked our tickets. I told him that I was NOT going to fly down on the same flight with Mitri, and he said that would be all right. He arranged for Mitri to fly down after Christmas and for him to stay with Dr. Phodor and his family. Ryan and I are going to stay with Mr. Counsel.
I didn’t want to get in trouble, so I spoke with Ms. Love and she called Mr. Counsel and he assured her that he’d chaperone us and that we would be just fine. It’s perfect for me. I get to spend the holidays with Ryan while at the same time getting to see some of my old friends back home. It’s going to be great.
*****************************
We got into Richmond last night (the twenty-third) after a really short flight. It was nice sitting next to my boyfriend and just having time to chat without anyone calling for us over the comm or some thug interrupting with knife or a lightning bolt. But like I said, the flight was short, and before we knew it, it was over. Mr. Counsel and his significant other, Olivia (“call me Livvy!”) Post met us at the airport. They’re great people. They have this huge two-story house with probably five bedrooms (lawyering must pay pretty good) so Ryan and I both had a room to ourselves.
What? What did you think we would do? Stay in the same room? I don’t think so. Not with Livvy around. The lady has mother-instincts like you wouldn’t believe. One time I got up to go to the potty and she was already standing in the hallway. She watched me go in and watched me come back out and go into my room. I was not going to make a detour to Ryan’s room. Nuh-uh. It never crossed my mind.
Okay, it did. It crossed my mind and the whole trip to the bathroom a midnight was just a test of my courage, but I would have chickened out anyway, even if she hadn’t been out there. And knowing Ryan, he would have made me leave anyway. After a while. Maybe. I don’t know. But I didn’t try it. I didn’t get a chance to.
But Dani would have been proud that I got up the nerve for a practice run. Sorry Ryan. Maybe next year?
Christmas Eve!
I told Livvy that I wanted to take Ryan around and see some of the kids from my homeschooling group. (Yeah, I was homeschooled. There was an incident where I um
accidentally healed this boy when I was in elementary school and it caused a lot of complications and it was just easier to take me out of school and put me in a more controlled environment.) The homeschooling group was when a bunch of homeschooling parents would organized a field trip (the state requires x-amount of field trips for middle-school students) or a phys-ed day (another thing theyre supposed to do), and it was pretty much my social group up to a few months ago.
When you dont have a lot of chances to socialize no lunchroom chatter, or shower room talk you tend to try to fit in as much gossip and news as you possibly can when you do run into each other. So when Livvy took us to the Mall to meet up with Ginger and Michelle, it was like a non-stop gab-fest! They had both enrolled in a public high school (we had talked about it before I left, and it made me a little sad that I couldnt be there with them), and were dating and Ginger was a cheerleader for the J.V. team and had cut her hair short, while Michelle was on the yearbook staff already and now had contacts instead of glasses (just like me!). Both of them had
um
bosoms (unlike me).
I bragged to them about being a semi-big-time superhero, and they bragged to me about having drivers permits. Ginger kept bringing up the subject of boys and once, when Ryan went to get us something to eat, she asked. I told her not yet, and probably not for a long time, and she said two months ago after a dance. Im pretty sure my eyes popped out of my head, but Ginger was always like that the most adventurous of the three of us. She wouldnt have chickened out on that practice run.
I know Ryan was bored by the girl-talk, but he was patient. (I love that about him! Hes always patient!) We sat in the food court for about an hour drinking smoothies and eating hot dogs and he just kept smiling and holding my hand and playing footsie with me under the table. It was great. Maybe the greatest time ever except for those sunsets with Ryan in Talos.
I saw Livvy step around the corner. She kept her distance in respect for our privacy, but I knew that it was time to go. Gingers mom showed up about the same time to pick up her and Michelle. She took a picture with my camera of the three of us together, and then we all went our separate ways.
When we got back to Mr. Counsels house, he was in the den, sitting in his chair beside the fireplace holding a pistol and had a bullet hole in the side of his head.
Livvy screamed, Hes dead!
((Season 3, Episode 10!))
As the opening theme to "Serv'd!" played, Hephaestus 1 and Agent Munin pulled up to The Wizard's Starship, a regular stop for comic book fans such as Fang. As usual, a clerk sat behind the counter looking thoroughly bored.
"Welcome to The Wizard's Starship, where new worlds are just an imagination away," the clerk said in an attempt to sound both sullen and ironic. "Tomorrow is new comics day so you might want to come back tomorrow."
Heph walked over to the clerk, eyeing her up and down. She was pale, modestly-built, and her short hair was a deep black, framing a grimly-cute face with a tiny red diamond adorning her forehead. The cyborg leaned gently on the counter.
"I'm looking for a copy of 'Hai! Frilly Girly Happenstance.' Do you have one?" Heph asked.
The clerk's face went from sullen detachment to sullen disgust mixed with sullen disbelief. "You're kidding."
"No, I'm not kidding," Heph said. "One of my friends got hit with a curse from that manga and I'm-"
"Oh, yeah, Fang," the clerk said. "Yeah, I sold him that copy of the manga."
"Well, you sold him a cursed copy that's turned him into a hideous monster," Heph said.
"Yeah, hideously beautiful blue eyes, frighteningly-toned abs, a terrifyingly-grabbable butt that won't quit and... uh... erm, yes, a hiedous monster," Munin said as she snapped out of her reverie.
"Pfft. I did him a favor," the clerk said. "I did the store a favor, too. When the other girls see that a guy like Fang is a comics reader, they'll come in, too."
"That's the most horrible bait-and-switch ever!" Munin said. "You lure them in with Fang and then they wind up seeing... Barry."
I EAT PASTE MAN and his main squeeze Doctor Pantone were sitting at a table in the games section trying to figure out how to turn a game of Blokus into fun-sapping Weapon of Mass Depression. I EAT PASTE MAN waved as he heard his real name called out.
"HI! MY BROTHER BILL WHO- WHO OWNS THE PLACE? YEAH, HE LET ME BACK IN!" I EAT PASTE MAN shouted. "AND- AND- AND NOW I'M TOTALLY HERE WITH MY MAIN SQUEEZE AND WE'RE GONNA PLOT AND SCHEME AND STUFF!"
Doctor Pantone sighed wistfully. "Oh, Barry, you're so amazingly honest for an up-and-coming villain. That's so hot!"
"YEAH, YOU KNOW- YOU KNOW IT," the large beardy git said. "GIMME SOME SUGAR, BABY!"
Munin shuddered. "That's a very cruel thing to do, luring them in with Fang and leaving them with Barry."
The clerk didn't blink. "Well, if they don't want to look at Barry, then they should probably buy a lot of manga."
"Or they could just run away from the store screaming as their sanity leaves them," Heph said.
The clerk shrugged. "It's their choice. Either I get paid or I get entertained."
"Well, breaking young girls' hearts and minds is the job of middle school and high school, not a comics shop," Heph said. "So, I'd like to ask you to break whatever curse you placed on Fang. His girlfriend would appreciate it."
"Oh. No can do, sport," the clerk said. "That curse is my moneymaker. And when did that fuzzy little geek find a girlfriend?"
"It was a few months ago," Heph said. "I take it you're not a fan of reality television. It was all over my show."
"Reality TV is harmful to peoples' souls. It's crude," the clerk said.
Heph twitched.
"It's mass-produced," the clerk continued.
Heph twitched again.
"Only a drooling moron would watch it," the clerk continued further.
Heph's "WTF?" eyebrow raised to its full extension.
"And finally, there's no societal value to it."
Heph sighed. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Oh, I think I do," the clerk said with a satisfied smirk.
"Well, you see those two guys there with the camera and recording gear? They're not really technology fetishists, they're my camera and sound guys," Heph said.
"Huh?"
"Smile, you're on reality television," Munin said. "And I think we just blew the lid off of a nefarious attempt to boost sales through malicious sales practices. You know what that makes us?"
"Big damn heroes, Heph?" Munin asked.
"Well, yeah, but also it makes us valuable to society," Heph said.
Munin smiled. "Shiny."
"Okay, look," the clerk said, "If I break Fang's curse, bad things will happen to me. For one, I won't be the hot gloomy chick that all the jocks secretly want to be with, I'll just be my old self. For another, I won't be able to hide here anymore and my scary older sister will find me."
"You can't miss her. She's tall, blonde, successful, stacked... and she went with an Electrical Engineering degree when I went with a Comparative Lit degree," the clerk complained. "Mom always liked her best."
"Wait," Munin said. "Your sister is Ilse von Wulfenschtuppen?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ilse von Wulfenschtuppen, She-Wolf of IT, blah blah blah I'm soooo jealous blah blah blah," the clerk said by rote. "I heard it all the time."
"So you'd be... Heidi von Wulfenschtuppen?" Heph asked.
"Yes," the clerk said glumly.
"And you want to get back at your sister?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Break the curse. Fang is her boyfriend."
The clerk's look of disbelief and disgust appeared again. "You're kidding."
"Yeah, it turns out she really likes the new Fang," Heph said. "I mean, reeeally likes him, in that bow-chicka-bow-bow kind of way."
The clerk turned around for a second and there was a flash of electricity. She turned back around, still pretty much the same.
Heph shrugged. "I thought you said the curse made you the hot gloomy chick that all the jocks secretly wanted to be with?"
"Yeah, now it makes me the hot gloomy chick that all the band geeks publicly want to be with," the clerk said as a shirtless marching band paraded past them led by a "Hot 4 Heidi" banner. "And Heidi loves her some band geeks. Rawr," she said sullenly.
Heph's "WTF?" eyebrow popped up again.
"I now know too much about the Nemesis Army," Munin said.
Heph walked out to the team's SUV and hooked up to a printer. In a few seconds a summons for the Rhode Island Small Claims Court appeared. Heph walked back in a dropped the form on the counter.
"There's your summons to the Small Claims court. You'll be talking to a lot of high school girls who are scarred for life, or until the next Twilight movie comes out, whichever is first."
"And my sister will find out about this, too," the dark-haired girl complained.
Heph nodded. "Yep. It's only going to get weirder from here on out, young lady, but that's what happens when you try to make a dishonest buck."
"Oh, and you don't exploit your viewers with over-commercialized dreck?" the clerk shot back.
"No. I don't force anyone to watch under the threat of Barry," Heph said.
"YAY THEY SAID MY NAME AGAIN!" came a loud shout from the back of the comics shop.
"I give them options to watch, options to buy, and do a damn good job of convincing them why they should keep watching and buying my sponsors' stuff. It's also good quality stuff, even if the commercials usually end with a clown bursting into flame."
"Honk! It's an allergic reaction, I swear!" said a voice from the far stacks of the back issues boxes.
"Okay, there is too much coincidence in too small a space," Heph said. "Let's go back to the office before something weird happens."
"Like spontaneously appearing shirtless marching bands?" Munin asked.
"Yes."
The team headed back to the office, where their newest office assistant was speaking with the Cobalt Claymore.
"So that's a way to keep the name stamps level with the lines on the form?" the Cobalt Claymore asked the office worker.
"Yes," the shorter man said. "It takes practice and dedication, though."
"Too late," Heph said to Munin as they entered through the door. "CC's able to be in two places at once. The weird has followed us."
"We're not the same person," the office worker and the Cobalt Claymore said in unison.
"He's a broadsword-swinging swashbuckler who stalks the night," the office worker said.
"He's an office worker who is a master of the Triplicate Form Style of ninjutsu," the Cobalt Claymore said.
The hero and the office worker looked at each other.
"THEY FIGHT CRIME!" they said in unison again.
The last shot of Heph and Munin and the recording crew shaking their heads faded to credits.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!