Grandville, Inner scantum of Lord Recluse
Dr Aeon looked nervous. But then he often did when in the presence of the man who ruled the archipelago known as the Rogue Isles with an iron fist. Still, unlike several other visits to his Lord's office, this wasn't for something he did, or for something the heroes had foiled, but a simple briefing
We were thinking about calling it Project Minmei, but that would be a dead giveaway to any of our opposition. So we're going with a simpler name, Songbird.
The Lord of the isles looked over the data Just from that one song alone that you recorded in Ghost Widow's tower, efficiency is truly up by this margin?
Well Andrew Loyd Webber IS popular, and WSPDR has been broadcasting it regularly, it's one of their more requested songs. She already has a bit of a following here in the isles anyway, due to her reputation, and obvious talent.
Recluse looked out from the window. Below, like ants, freelancers scurried to and fro on missions trying to rise high enough in the food chain to gain his approval, while his troops watched over all. He hummed to himself thoughtfully, hitting play on the disc player again. the male, who was doing the part of the Phantom, who is he?
Private Grant Nekki, he enlisted in Arachnos when he was denied a visa to travel to the mainland to study music. Capable trooper, spends his off time in several dives, both on and off limits. Aeon said, looking over the display on his tablet PC, a cheap Crey knockoff of a Toshiba model. not for drinking or any other vices, he is a talented musician, and goes where the live music is. Our Intel prediction is he will probably serve one or two hitches, then get out and try to make a living as a musician.
All must rise to the paths they are most suited to in life replied Recluse you have talked to the people at the Golden Giza I assume
Yes Sir, they were more than happy to accommodate our request, one for obvious reasons, and two, well since we're allowing them to sell tickets for this, they should make a bit of profit.
Lord Recluse nodded. approval granted, begin phase 2.
Steel Canyon, Paragon City RI
The sun finally peeked over the War walls that divided the city, the soft golden light flooding into Kelly's bedroom. The smallish sheep hybrid groaned as the sunbeam reflected off of the glass covered 2112 poster on the wall, right into her eyes. It was too early to be up, she'd been called out late the night before due to yet another Rikti attack, at least they seemed to be tapering off again. Still she had to get up, she had an appointment with her probation officer. The one she used to have died when the tram car he was riding was demolished by a Rikti bomb, the new one...ever since the Paragon Sentinel bombing, she held a grudge against anyone with a registered hero license, especially those like her who used to be on the other side of the law, even if it wasn't by her own free will at the time. Still, this was close to being over. She wasn't sure what she was going to do once she was no longer required to stay in Paragon City and go out fighting all the time. She did it, even willingly when innocents were in harms way.
But she didn't like it. But then a lot of people do what they have to, not what they want to she thought as her hooves clip clopped across the bathroom tile, glancing over at the mirror. Four foot two, eyes of blue. A foot shorter than the girl Dean Martin sang about, and probably wouldn't ever get much taller, lucky to weigh 100 pounds when she was dripping wet. Still at least she filled out some over the last couple years, frowning a bit at the pink line running across her chest, from where the Rikti Dropship's beam had hit her last night. It was down to a thin scar, in another day or so she would never even know it was there. Not for the first time she wondered who the heroes were that Crey spliced together with the clone sheep DNA to make her. Stepping into the showered she sighed happily in the warm spray.
Six years. It was weird sometimes being the product of a genetic experiment. Every now and then she'd have a flash of memory that wasn't hers, RNA perhaps from one of the donors. She'd had the psych tests, regularly both as a condition of her probation (Paragon City never really trusted ex villains, while she was an exception to that in most peoples eyes, rules were rules) and as part of the settlement with Crey. They paid her medical, in return for running non invasive tests on her now and again, and were going to pay for her college as well. Mentally, she was equivalent to someone about Rhonda's age, Polekitty getting close to graduating high school, and as time went on she'd probably improve as well. Still it was only six years since she was 'born'. The State of Rhode Island wouldn't even let her drive for another ten years, even though she was considered a legal adult. Soaping herself up she sighed, life was so complicated sometimes. Wish it was simpler.
Kelly had just gotten out of the shower when the doorbell rang. She frowned, not expecting anyone, not that she had many visitors. Tossing on a bathrobe she called out Just a minute
She opened the door and looked up, a common reaction for someone her height. There were two men in the hallway outside the door, one older, in his 40's, the other about half that age, both wearing fairly nice suits Miss Lamb?
yes?
We're from Giza Entertainment, we've got a proposal for you...
[ QUOTE ]
We were thinking about calling it Project Minmei, but that would be a dead giveaway to any of our opposition. So we're going with a simpler name, Songbird.
[/ QUOTE ]
You realize of course with the "Project Minmei" line in there, Kelly will have to start dating one of the ghosts from Fort Hades in Port Oakes.
That way she can sing "My Boyfriend is a Pirate."
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We were thinking about calling it Project Minmei, but that would be a dead giveaway to any of our opposition. So we're going with a simpler name, Songbird.
[/ QUOTE ]
You realize of course with the "Project Minmei" line in there, Kelly will have to start dating one of the ghosts from Fort Hades in Port Oakes.
That way she can sing "My Boyfriend is a Pirate."
[/ QUOTE ]
(Aeris said it best. "I'm going to start wounding you now. I'm not sure when I'll stop." 
Also, if anyone else wants to get on on the bandwagon so to speak, lemme know ))
At the moment, the Cobalt Claymore was not having a good day. Sure, there weren't any serious problems like Malta inflitrations or Rikti shenanigans or the Warriors suddenly becoming competent. The blue-cloaked hero had a problem with another hero. All four feet nine inches and 90 pounds of her. His eyes darted left and right, then he fired off his swingline and rose up quickly into the air. As he quickly hopped up to the roof, he confronted a large group of High Park residents, many of whom were very unhappy-looking.
"Well, I suppose you're wondering why you've all been called here today," Todd began, trying to find a quick exit and and searching for some way to disappear quickly.
Earlier in the day, Todd Galahad, known to the public as the Cobalt Claymore, received an email from Claire Pachowski, formerly known as Emo Catgirl. It said "I need help with an investigation, and I want you to look at something for me to see if you agree with Tommy." Usually Claire would go to another member of the Young Phalanx for assistance. After all, that's what teammates are for. Anyway, he replied that he'd show up to go over the information with her. Then Todd covered his backside by letting his fiancee Marie (not to mention her mother, Oksah) know that he was meeting up with Claire to help her analyze an investigation. He also asked for backup, if need be. Once the two merfolk stopped giggling over his mild twinge of paranoia, they mentioned being busy with other matters pertaining to the Phoenix Force's new defense systems. Likewise, an email to Tommy "Back Yard Boom" Pachowski resulted in a confirmation that she actually did have a legitimate question for him. After that, it wasn't too tough for Todd to accept her request. He made sure there would be no serious questions about his intentions.
The Cobalt Claymore showed up in his usual quiet manner, cloaked with a bit of his father's old tricks in camouflage. He added the gifts of the shadow branded into his body by Mother Aoi as further insurance to help him not be seen. He found a good vantage point to spy on the meeting spot and waited for Claire to appear. Once she showed up, he moved out of his hiding spot and reappeared quietly behind her, causing her to just about jump out of her skin. Apparently, the original Cobalt Claymore was right about why making a quiet entrance was psychologically advantageous when meeting with individuals.
"All right, Claire," the Cobalt Claymore said. "What information have you got for me to analyze? Tommy said it has something to do with Crey, am I correct?"
Claire regained her composition and turned around to face her questioner. "Well, yeah, but that's not really why I wanted to talk to you, CC. It's something more personal."
Todd looked around. No cameras from any tv-practical-joke shows, no group of tattooed weirdoes waiting to shout out "Y'all got punked!" or the like. "Personal? You shouldn't ask me questions of a personal nature. I'm going to leave since you don't really want my answer on work-related stuff. Don't bother me unless you're-- Claire, what the hell are you doing bowing to me?"
"Take me as an apprentice ninja!" Claire said. "I want to learn what you know."
The Cobalt Claymore's hand clapped his forehead. "Not this ninja stuff again, Claire," he complained. "I told you that I'm not a real ninja, all right? Get your nose out of those manga and into something more appropriate, like, I don't know... Dumas or something."
"Your mother is a ninja, right?" Claire asked.
"Yeah, and?"
"She taught you the arts of the ninja while she was trying to turn you into a proper heir for her side of the family, right?"
"If you want to call being mystically merged with a shadow and attempts at massive brainwashing 'teaching,' I guess you'd be right," the Cobalt claymore grumbled.
"Well, then by family and training, you'd be a ninja, right?" Claire asked.
"But I'm not a ninja, I'm a costumed crimefighter. Ninjas are spies, assassins, guerilla warriors and every so often they're folk heroes. I'm none of those."
"Your parents were spies. You learned spy stuff from your dad," Claire said. "Ergo, you're a ninja. Or at least of ninja heritage!"
The Cobalt Claymore shrugged. "Okay, you have a point, but I'm not taking any apprentices. Quit pestering me about it."
Claire fell to the ground, bowing deeply. "Please reconsider! Take me as your apprentice! Be my master and use me as you see fit to fight crime!"
"Claire?" the Cobalt Claymore asked.
"Yes?" Claire answered.
"One of the first rules of being a ninja is to always use your inside voice so people outside can't hear you so well," the Cobalt Claymore said, gesturing to the people who looked down the alley to find the source of all the shouting. Finding a young girl kowtowing to a cloaked hero, people made motions to gather others to confront this weirdo hero.
"Hey, ya freak!" a balding middle-aged man with a cigar said while he pointed at the Cobalt Claymore. "Nobody gets away with messin' with a kid from the Yards!"
"Oh, crap," both Claire and the Cobalt Claymore said as they leapt for the fire escape and ran up the stairways to escape the horde of angry neighbors. Every so often the pair dodged angry citizens who poked heads and arms out of fire escape windows to hurl insults, beer bottles and the occasional brick at the Cobalt Claymore.
"I got a little carried away, I think!" Claire shouted. "Does this mean I'm not going to be an apprentice ninja?"
"I think it's safe to say the answer is no!" the Cobalt Claymore said as he dodged an old shoe. "And don't ever ask me to be your master, people will take it wrong, for Pete's sake!"
"Sorry!" Claire shouted as she hit the roof, turned invisible and lept away from the angry mob scene. All the Cobalt Claymore could do at this point was try to ditch the crowd. Maybe if he backtracked, then leapt from one of the apartments, he'd be safe. He ducked into an alley and tried to think how to best execute that plan.
"Dad never had this problem when I was a sidekick," the Cobalt Claymore said to himself.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Kelly Lamb's apartment, Steel Canyon
you want me to what?
A concert, whatever you want to perform, at the Golden Giza. The song you recorded in the isles has been played constantly on WSPDR, it's one of their more requested ones the younger man, Al he said his name was replied, pulling up the radio stations website on his laptop. There it was, in the top five on their most requested list.
I don't understand though, why me?
you're rather popular in the isles and I've always had a soft spot for the underdog Mark, the older one replied. Which was true, while he was in business to make money, no concert promoter got into the business for not loving music. And the money that came with it sometimes. Several of the smaller local acts he had found and promoted had gone on to greater things, some in North America, others in Europe or central and south America. we've made arrangements with our government, full A level Visa's for you and your band.
I don't have one really, there are some folks I play with here, I could ask them if they wanted to go...
and we have musicians available as well replied Al, glancing down at the computer as he tapped on the keys , bringing up a photo That man who sang with you when you recorded Phantom?
I didn't really have a choice in that you know, Ghost Widow made me sing that. Still, I enjoyed singing it, and he was really good.
He turned the computer, showing a slim young man with round glasses, in civilian clothes (it was figured it was better not to make too big a deal that he was a soldier for Arachnos Name is Grant Nekki, he's from Port Oakes. Good guitarist as well, the kid has real potential
you realize that I don't have any songs of my own really yet
thats quite alright, young musicians cover other peoples stuff all the time. Besides, our rights people work to make sure that you're covered legally to perform whatever you pick. Which was true, while they may be from the Rogue isles, Giza Entertainment feared the music industry lawyers almost as much as people feared Recluse, perhaps more.
Kelly stood up and looked out the window. Outside, there was even through the glass the usual cacophony of police sirens, traffic noises and the occasional hero flying by. She turned slowly looking over her apartment. Over the years, the walls were literally covered with rack upon rack of CD's, concert posters and instruments. Music had been what saved her when she got down to it, it was her haven, her refuge. It was what allowed her to break from her programming , from being just a tool to be used to being her own being. She sighed putting down her teacup. I'd love to be honest, but I would have to get approval from both the government...and my probation officer. she groaned remembering that who I have an appointment with in a half hour.
Mark nodded and smiled charmingly as he and Al stood up I understand, we're willing to help as much as we can in this. He handed her a business card we'll be in town for a few days, if everything works from the legal standpoint, give us a call. The two of them left, leaving Kelly looking at the shimmering gold card in her hand. Sighing she put it in her pocket, no way they'd let her go, then looked out over the city. She'd have to fly , only way to get there in time. She locked the front door and walked out to the balcony. Clicking play on her iPod she started laughing at the irony of what it shuffled up, Geddy Lee's song filling her ears as she flew off towards the Row.
Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem
Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme
Kings Row
Valeria Gonzalez looked through her office window at the scum of the earth, all of them. Criminals, parasites on society, and it was HER job to make sure they stuck to the law or she'd happily throw them back in the pit where they belonged. She really wasn't cut out to be a Probation officer, but until she finished her degree and passed the bar, it was the best she could do. Then she'd become a prosecutor and throw these slime away for good. The previous occupant on this office had believed in foolish things like rehabilitation. Like this one. villain, she didn't believe anyone could be an ex villain, and that whole thing in her file about being controlled? Bull*#$.
She glanced up at clock, two more minutes she'd be late, and Valeria had a rep of calling in late parolee's to be re arrested.(though her supervisor had made her push it back to the third missed appointment) Minute thirty seconds-and she knew it took more time than that to get from the elevator to her office. Third time she thought as she reached for the cuffs she always kept in her desk, wouldn't THIS be something, her throwing a cape in the zig? There, the ding of the elevator, and the clip clop of the little freaks hooves on the ancient lineolium in the hallway. There was a knock on the door Enter! she said, getting up , a smile on her face, which faded as she saw that it wasn't hooves, but the cowboy boots her bosses boss, the DA wore.. He looked down at the handcuffs in her hand, an annoyed look on her face is there any reason you have those out Miss Gonzalez?
This is Kelly Lamb's third time being late, that violates her probation, I thought you were her and was going to place her under arre-
the DA stopped her in mid word No. She is not here. Nor is she under supervised probation anymore.
WHAT? You gotta be kidding me! The last two appointments she never even showed up for-
Because she was otherwise occupied-
SHE'S A CONVICTED CRIMINAL! SHE HAS TO OBEY THE LA- Valeria backed off seeing the building rage in the DA's face, realizing she'd gone over the line sir, the statues are clear, she missed two appointments-
Because , Miss Gonzalez, they took place in the MIDDLE of a Rikti attack! Instead of being in here listening to your ranting, she was out doing something useful,
But she disobeyed the LAW!
The DA turned , growling over his shoulder I'll make sure to tell that school bus full of kids she picked up and flew out of the battle zone that caused her to miss the last one that she should have left them to die to meet your appointment. Good Day Miss Gonzalez...
He was grumbling on his way back to the elevator. Really he should have done that months ago. It was surprising getting a phone call from the representative about her case, but he supposed as busy as he'd been, it slipped his mind. Still, Kelly Lamb wasn't a threat. Pulling out his pda he made a note from himself to look into the possibility about getting her record adjudicated once enough time had passed, really, folks like her he didn't worry about in the slightest. Flipping open his phone he dialed the congresswoman's number, she wanted an update as soon as possible.
Washington DC
Thank you for calling me back, oh I'm glad it was no trouble. I've just has several constituents asking me about her situation, it's not really fitting to have a hero of the city have to sit in a probation office twice a month. Yes, I agree. I'll see what I can do from this end, thank you very much. You too. The Congresswoman sat the phone down on the cradle, there that was done. Now one other thing to do. Her aide was out for the afternoon, she'd let her off early when she'd gotten the message on her cell phone. They'd want an update she thought as she dialed the number from memory, 210 area code. The call however was answered by a computer, encoded, and sent via satellite to Bermuda, where it was relayed out to sea. Seconds later a phone rang on a desk, a white armored glove picking it up, knowing who was on the other end. go ahead.
I talked to the DA, she's off supervised probation, and he's looking into getting her totally clear, but she should be ok to travel with no problems now.
The Arbiter smiled thank you very much, we are most appreciative of your help.
Soccer practice had lasted well past dark. Mick's body ached in places no one's body should ever ache. He felt like it wanted to just curl up into a ball and die like a spider that's been stepped on.
His life had been busy the past few weeks. Spring vacation had ended and school had started back up in earnest, leaving him little free time. Jeanelle Barlor had confronted him in the hallway after biology the first Friday back and now it seemed he had a girlfriend. The blue girl's diary had remained under his mattress where he had hidden it, unopened since that day, his crush on the exotic blue girl overridden by the presence of a real flesh-and-blood girl.
Mick walked into his family's home and went straight to his room and collapsed on the bed. His mother would be upset if she saw him sprawled face-down on the clean bedspread in his filthy soccer uniform, but right now he didn't care. He closed his eyes and was almost asleep when --
His bedroom door opened and his mother said, "We need to talk."
Mick sat up and began to hurriedly explain that he was sorry he had gotten on his clean bed in his soiled clothes, but his mother shook her head.
"Not that," she said, "this."
She held up her hand. In it was a black-bound book, with gold-edged pages and a broken clasp.
"Oh." He sat up. "I found that."
"Well I didn't think you wrote it."
Max blushed and wondered how much of it she had seen. He hadn't the entire diary -- once he got to the parts that dealt with sex, he had mostly read those repeatedly. And while he had meant to come back and finish reading it, it seemed as if doing so would show an infidelity to Jeanelle.
"You don't know the girl who wrote this, do you?"
Max shook his head.
"Do you?"
Her tone made it clear that a head-shake was unacceptible. "No ma'am, I don't know her."
His mother regarded him with a strange expression on her face. He watched her watch him and tried to hide the uneasiness he suddenly felt. Was she upset because of the sensuality depicted in the diary? It definitely didn't qualify as porn and if it was made into a movie would barely get a mature rating. Maybe she was just disappointed that he would invade the girl's privacy by reading it.
"I'm sorry, mom." There. The universal disarmer.
Her expression softened and he knew he was going to be all right.
"It's all right, Mickey," she said, a gentle smile beginning to form on her lips. "I was just worried that this book would influence you in a subversive manner."
Subversive? He hadn't read anything remotely subversive so far.
"And if it got around that you had read what is written in here--" His mother tapped the diary's cover for emphasis. "Well, let's just say it could hurt your father's business. We might even have to take you out of private school and put you into the Arachnos academy."
Mick shuddered. What was in those pages that would cause her to make this kind of threat? He cursed his hormones that kept him from reading past the naughty parts.
"When your father gets home, I'm sure he will want to talk with you about this too. Now, get your filthy self off of those clean bed linens and take a shower."
She shut the door, taking the diary with her.
Stunned, Mick sat for a few moments, then got up and did as he was told.
((One of my characters just yanked her story off in a different direction. I wrote this fast...or she wrote it. Apologies for any editing things I may have missed.))
Usually, Fortune of War changed out of the armor before she came home to her cozy little condo in Faultline. Usually, she was on time for things, even the dinners with her dad that she only went to because she had promised her mom years ago that she would. Usually just didn't seem to apply to today.
Today, she was running very late. The Circle of Thorns Mages waiting for her in Founder's Falls had made her miss her tram connection back to Skyway, and now she was sprinting up the stairs to the condo with her armor in stealth mode just praying that she wasn't blowing her secret identity.
She was aware that she took her secret identity more seriously than most of the other heroes she worked with. Heck, there were heroes in her building, living in condos that were just like hers. They landed openly on their balconies like multicolored birds returning to their nests. She was far more secretive. Most of her teammates, even the ones she worked with often, only knew her as Fortune of War, and not her given name.
They didn't have their grandmothers living with them, though, or a father elsewhere in the city who thought that his money and power gave him license to play with her life. Her secret identity was hers and hers alone, and she had to change out of the armor fast to keep her secret and get to that dinner and keep her promise to her mother...
Except that usually there weren't several men dressed all in black with their faces covered turning over her couch and coffee table and taking the pictures off the walls of her condo.
She ducked to the side and dove for cover as the closest man noticed the open door and pulled a weapon. Using the piled furniture in the center of the room as cover, she pulled out an arrow and nocked it, then she shot, and hoped that the explosion would stun at least a couple of the five men that she could see in the room. Five? Who on earth would send five men to turn over the furniture and search her apartment? They weren't Circle, they had the wrong brand equipment to be working for Crey, and they weren't wearing suits like the Family.
The explosion did stun several of the men, but, it also alerted the others to her arrival. Two of them exchanged hand signals, and then pulled objects that looked like tasers from their jacket pockets. Fortune hadn't been just standing around though; she kept moving. She felled one of the stunned men with a kick and an overhead thump, and then tossed a small packet that usually tipped one of her arrows at the two men approaching. One of those two and two of the men just coming around from the explosion started to cough, and then doubled over gasping for air.
She used every nasty trick she had in her quiver and had picked up from several martial arts teachers, but 5 opponents were a bit many. She managed to knock out or disable 4, but, she'd lost track of one somewhere...and then she heard a noise behind her.
Fortune spun hoping to be in time to fend off the blow, only to see her gran standing in the doorway, holding an urn, and the slumping form of the last black clad intruder sliding to the floor.
As the man hit the floor, Fortune of War asked her grandmother, "Ah...are those granddad's ashes...?"
"Yes, darling." Mrs. Penelope Fontaine-Phelps replied calmly as she cradled the stainless steel urn lovingly in her arms. "Dear Ben couldn't be here in person, of course, but, I am sure he would have enjoyed hitting that villain."
Fortune of War laughed, "I'm sure of it." She looked over the men sprawled unconscious around the wrecked rooms, and then knelt beside the one her gran had conked over the head with the urn. "Let's see who you fellows are..."She slid the knitted mask off the man and turned his face up so that both she and gran could see.
Gran frowned, "That, darling, would appear to be your father's butler."
Fortune nodded, "His butler, and apparently his errand boy."She sighed, "Well, I suppose that answers why they were here now since I was supposed to be at dinner with daddy, and you were supposed to be playing bridge. I got delayed by an ambush, and the bridge game?" Fortune started applying teleport tags to the fallen men, as she didn't want them waking up here, so off to the Zig hospital they went.
"Canceled." her gran said,"Gertie said I should go home and watch out for you, darling. Though I didn't know what she meant at the time."
Fortune grimaced, "I'd have been happier with you out of this...as you know and we have already talked out." The last teleport tag placed, Fortune walked over to her gran and smiled at the stubborn expression on her face. Then she hugged her and said, "I hope I'm as tough as you are when I get to 86!"
"I suppose you know what those men signify, darling?" Her gran asked.
"Yes, I expect that I do. Dearest dad has twigged to the superhero bit." Fortune of War sighed, "And he was trying to figure out which one, and how he could use me."
"Of course his men will tell him who showed up."
Fortune nodded, "So, my real reason for my secret ID is shot, and, the question is what to do now..." Suddenly she thought of a poster she had seen earlier, and smiled.
Her gran saw the look on her face and said, "Darling, what have you thought up to annoy your father this time?"
Shae Firewarder
((Nice, Shae! ))
(...I have plans. I shall post later today when I get home. I blame local elections for the forthcoming disaster. Honest.)
Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!
Victoria Alexandra Elizabeth Loyd, usually called "darling" or "Vae" by her grandmother or friends, entered the restaurant and looked around. It wasn't the usual kind of place her dad would choose, so she wondered at the change.
For one, it wasn't up high. Her father's office and his favorite place to ask her to meet him for dinner were both up very high, actually above the legal flight ceiling for heroes in Steel Canyon. This sunny little cafe was at street level.
Second, it was sunny....and there were sprawling plants everywhere. The planters were terra cotta, as were the floor tiles. The seats were upholstered in bright cotton prints. Her father usually preferred polished metal or wood in straight lines, and understated decor that usually still managed to shout MONEY.
Third, Vae had actually chosen to eat here before. Their food was fresh and tasty, and though it was not cheap, you got your money's worth in flavor. Dad's usual taste in restaurants tended to swing between very old money type steak places for making deals in back rooms, and very trendy places where the point was to be seen eating practically nothing, and paying the earth for the privilege.
Something was definitely up.
-----
When she joined her father and his two companions, she thought she might have an inkling of what was going on. A waiter helped her into her chair, and she smiled at him, but, knew it was a sign of her father throwing his money around already. Waiters here didn't usually do that; although they would pull the chair out for a lady, the usual customer here didn't have the training to know what to do when someone actually slid the chair back in as you were sitting down.
Her father introduced his companions and then they got the previous evening's excitement out of the way.
"I'm so so sorry about canceling last night, but, things came up." Like defeating your minions and cleaning up my apartment afterwards.
"That's perfectly fine. I had a few things to do as well."like bailing out my minions and pumping them for information.
"The crepes are very good here, Victoria." Her father signaled the waiter to come back to take the order, although she had barely had a chance to glance at the menu herself.
"I know." She looked up as her father began to order the crepes for her and spoke over him to the waiter, "I'll have the chicken and broccoli pasta, with the house dressing on the salad, and an iced tea."
Her father frowned at her, "I thought you liked the crepes here."
"I do." Vae agreed, "However, I had them here earlier in the week, and, I'd like the pasta today." She looked at her father steadily as the waiter took the rest of the orders.
Her father sipped his coffee and said, "If you were in Steel Canyon earlier in the week, I could have joined you."
Her dad would have done nothing of the sort if she had stopped by, but, she'd give him an out, "I was with gran and her bridge buddies. I doubt you would have enjoyed it." Though I enjoyed it very much.
She managed to pull the other two gentlemen into conversation with a bit of effort. Her Gran's lessons in charm could only do so much with her father there and being his usual self. Verbal maneuvers with him always made her feel a bit like a bullfighter trying not to be pinned. When the salads were taken away and the main meals arrived, they finally dispensed with the small talk and got to the point.
"Your father has asked us to look into a marketing opportunity," the first man started.
Lord, Dad didn't waste any time. Does he ever sleep? Vea wondered.
The other one leaned in, excited now that the subject was broached," Fortune of War is a very marketable name! A young beautiful rising heroine with style and beautiful hair!
Ah, the hair. Of course. Vae nodded and listened while twirling a bit of her long red hair around a finger. She noticed her father begin to relax slightly; his fingers tapped the edge of his coffee cup as he did when something pleased him. Apparently she was taking this hijacking of her hero identity better than he'd hoped. Time to fix that.
Just as the first man pulled a stack of papers out of his briefcase, Vae said, "I'll have to run any product endorsement deals past my super group leaders, first."
"Super group?" he said, hesitating only momentarily, he set the pile of contracts on the table, and Vae could see the colorful little "Sign here" arrows indicating the signature lines.
"Super group," Vae nodded cheerfully, "I just joined one last night."
Her dad's eyes narrowed; he knew her well also, and the cheerful innocent tone she was using was something he'd heard before.
"I believe it is in the top 80 super groups in Paragon city at the moment, and rising." She could see dollar signs in the marketing man's eyes, now, but, her father was tensing, his fingers encircling his coffee cup firmly.
"Well, I don't think any of the top super groups would object to your visibility. There are cosmetic endorsements, and a personal perfume line. All very top of the line products, and nothing a leader would object to." The marketing man still wasn't worried. At all.
"I still need to run any contract past them, though. I wouldn't want any surprises later." She smiled even more brightly, "Though I am certain a use could be found for the money...for instance the soup kitchens..."
The marketing man was taken off guard by the thought of giving away money, but recovered quickly, and nodded, "Thinking of your image shows good long term planning."
Vae figured she'd drawn this out long enough, "Ah, no, the KGB Special Section 8 has their own soup kitchen in King's Row, and volunteering to work there weekly is part of being in the super group."
"Their own soup kitchen...King's row...KGB?" The marketing man stared at her, hoping for some sign that she was joking. Her dad's grip on the coffee cup would have broken anything less sturdy.
"You can't." her dad said firmly, attempting to stare her into submission.
"I already did." Vae replied. "Besides, it would be a little hard at this point to cover it up." She pulled a copy of the Paragon Times out of her purse, already open to the page she wanted, and pointed to a picture. There was the heroine, Fortune of War, at the KGB Special Section 8's May Day party, standing next to a very large cake in the shape of the Kremlin, and nibbling on a star shaped cookie.
She heard a sound of incoherent dismay from one of the marketing men. Her father took a deep breath and said, "You were very thorough. Did you take that picture to the paper yourself?"
She nodded, "There's no point in going halfway. You spent all night working on cornering me into this. The least I could do is spend equal effort getting myself uncornered."
"Someday you are going to go too far and get yourself in trouble."
"If you would stop trying to run my life for me, I wouldn't have to try to outwit you all the time. The KGB are not affiliated with the current Russian Government. They do charitable works. They have a good reputation in Kings Row, and they have a secure base where I won't need to worry about people in masks going through my stuff."
"Checkmate again, then."
"Checkmate again."
Shae Firewarder
((And once again, socially conscious daughter outwits capitalist-pig father for the good of the People! Da! ))
*The opening credits for "Serv'd!" roll, followed by the following recap clip*
"Any sign of him?" Heph whispered.
Mobius Knight sniffed twice. "Gyros. He's HERE."
--
"Hungry enough... to kill!" the Gyrobber said, pointing his bazooka at Fang.
Mobius Knight leapt into action. "I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS CRAP!" he shouted as charged around the corner and into the grilling area of the kitchen.
--
Hephaestus 1 followed Mobius Knight into the abandoned kitchen. "All right, Gyrobber, your reign of meat larceny ends now!"
Moby, Fang and the Gyrobber all stopped and stared at him.
"Meat larceny?" Moby asked. "That sounds so wrong."
"Need... gyros..." the Gyrobber said, turning his bazooka towards Heph. "Your gyros or your life!"
Mobius Knight's katana flashed in the dimly lit kitchen, slicing through the Gyrobbers bazooka and the mascot's plaster arms. The mascot howled in unearthly agony as mystical energy shot forth from its stumps until it finally crumbled into dust.
"Well, that was fun. So, who's up for dim sum?" Heph asked.
Moby shook his head. "Count me in. As long as we go somewhere that doesn't have any kind of cute and fuzzy mascots, I'm fine."
Fang got up. "Thanks for the save, guys. If I've learned one thing today, it's that the business end of a bazooka looks much larger when it's pointed at your head. Come on, I'll introduce you to the platoon, and we'll--"
Heph looked down at his former sidekick. "Well, your sergeant was the one who called us in, so we've met him. So, which car was yours?"
Fang's face had a puzzled look on it. "I'm still on probabtion so I have to ride, not drive. My stuff is in car 38, though." He looked around at the dusty interior of the kitchen. "Well, now to see who did this," he said as he put on a pair of nitrile gloves and began to search through the mess.
"I'm just saying that one of the squad cars got blown up by that stray rocket that the Gyrobber launched. Was he chasing after you?" Heph asked.
"Yeah, at that point he was. I was trying to circle around him and hit him from the side, but he kept shooting those rockets everywhere," Fang said.
"That explains the holes and scorch marks on the building," Mobius Knight said as he poked through the plaster statue's remnants. "Hang on a sec. What's this?" He bent down and brushed away the fragmented plaster.
Underneath the wrecked bazooka and the plaster chips was a card from the latest CCG, "Ultramechanomagic Wars." The card had the name "Gyrobber" on some correction tape over the actual name of the creature as well as a picture of the Gyrobber clipped from a kids' menu, covered in a protective layer of clear tape.
"Who the heck modifies game cards with the names of commercial mascots?" Moby asked. "And why would this be here?"
Fang looked at the card that Moby found and smiled. "Hey, there's a fingerprint in here. It's an orange fingerprint, no less."
Heph swung his gaze from Fang to Moby. "Let's see. Who uses cards as part of his powers, that is to say heroes or villains who we know and don't have names that could violate our copyright?"
"Barry!" the three of them said.
"I'll get this card over to the identification section immediately for a comparison," Fang said. "If it turns out to be Barry, I know how you guys can get in on the bust."
The three heroes left the scene as the crime scene technicians came in. Fang handed over the card as evidence and asked the techs to put this on the supervillain-priority list. Fang walked back to his car and began typing in the report from his cruiser's computer console. Heph and Moby walked back to the SUV while Heph called up Larry McGonigle.
"Hey, Lar," Heph said. "Yeah, Fang's fine. No, seriously, he's fine. Yeah, it was a statue of one of the new City of Gyros Kids Menu characters. Well, Fang got the thing into a good position for teammates to flank it, though he was sent in alone. He did all right except for the getting cornered by a statue with a bazooka part. Rookie mistake, though."
Heph was still talking as they got in the SUV and drove away. A few hours later, Heph received a phone call from Fang.
"Heph, I want you and Mobius Knight backing me up on this. The print matched my prime suspect, and now I'm getting an arrest warrant for him. The City of Gyros manager where the statue was stolen also called about the criminal damage and wants it taken out of the guy's hide. Uncle Larry should have the small claims court paperwork ready for you."
Moby blinked. "Wait, is Fang trying to be assertive and all take-charge on this? That's so... so..."
"So amusing because it's like a Bichon Frise trying to shoulder-check a Rottweiler?"
"That works," Moby said.
As the team arrived at the Rhode Island District Courts building, they saw Larry running out to meet them, red-faced and breathing heavily. "O'Flannagan... papers... here."
"Lar, are you gonna be okay?" Heph asked.
Mobius Knight got out of the SUV and did a quick check of the older man's vitals. "You should have used the elevator," he said. "That and stop smoking and drinking so much coffee. Your heart can't handle the stress of running like that."
"Elevator... broken..." Larry wheezed. "Captain Leadfoot... fell through floor."
"Fine, fine," Moby said as he handed a bottle of water to Larry. "YOu could have walked, too."
"No... I couldn't... look at the summons, you'll see," the old liaison said as he took a few swigs of water and caught his breath.
Heph looked at the name and address. "Barry? Oh, geez, not HIM. Gah! That's it, we're sending him to for-real jail for this."
"For-real jail?" Moby said.
"Yeah, the jail that doesn't consider itself to be a time-out for criminals. I want to send Barry there," Heph said.
"Wait, I EAT PASTE MAN did this?"
"Yes," Heph said. "He did. And now we have to get there before Fang. Not because Fang will kill him or anything, but because it will get too weird for words if we don't."
"How weird are we talking?" Moby asked.
"Bad mental images you can't unsee weird."
Mobius Knight jumped into the passenger seat with the paperwork. "Let's go! I'd like to make a pre-emptive strike on weirdness today!"
Heph checked on Larry one more time, then got in and drove towards the one secret lair of all would-be heroes and villains: The Wizard's Starship comic book shop.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Mrs. Heller flipped the diary open and scanned its pages: The girl-girl love affair; the crime sprees in Paragon City which the girl thinly veiled as "shopping trips"; the mysterious nun; the disappearance and reappearance of this "Tristan"; all mixed with the trivial day-to-day things that teenagers tend to blow into life-altering events. Most of the journal was harmless.
Today I bought Lily a pre-commitment ring...
I wish Gina could get that mask removed. I bet she's really pretty without it...
I don't know what I would do if Tristan suddenly reappeared...
I can't quite figure out Aden and Sadie -- I mean they're together all the time, but you never see them hold hands or anything...
...and other entries about Emma and Jack and Sam and so on and so on...
All somewhat benign and banally dull to her. Except for one page near the end:
I really believe that, with a little encouragement, the Orphans could become a force for good in Etoile. We could organize and inspire our generation to rise up against the corruption that the Spiders represent. We could put Lord Recluse out of power. I believe there are enough of us, with enough powers, to do that. I believe that in a city full of villains, we could rise up -- every one of us -- and become heroes.
One page that, if certain people caught wind of it, could spell doom for the girl and her friends in the Orphans. Mrs. Heller flipped open her phone and dialed Arachnos' Informants' Hotline.
Tommy Pachowski adjusted the windsor knot on his tie one last time as he checked himself in the mirror. He was definitely trying the young professorial look tonight: tweed sports jacket, school tie, blue jeans and decent hiking shoes. He ran a comb through his usually spiky blue hair and smoothed it out.
"Eh, this is gonna be as good as I can get it," he thought to himself. Tommy picked up the keys to his car and stepped out of his room.
"I'm headin' out, Ma," he said, waving a blue metal hand at his mother. "I'll be back late."
"And where are you going all dressed up?" Mary Pachowski said. "Well, halfway dressed up at least."
"Gotta first date tonight with a... colleague, I guess." Tommy nervously tapped on his dataglasses to check his schedule. "Dinner, some academic lecture on recoverin' data an' artifacts from the old group bases in Faultline, maybe head out ta Mariner's Point an do some stargazin' at the observatory."
"So, who is she?" his mother asked.
Tommy shrugged. "She's a minor celebrity, I guess. Ya know the type, ma. She's beautiful, got a Ph.D., has huge... amounts'a published material," he said, catching himself before saying something too. "Purple hair, tall, athletic, the usual."
Claire appeared from her doorway. "You asked HER out? Geez, Tommy, you guys'll look stupid together!"
"We will not, squirt," Tommy said as he shot a dirty look towards his sister.
"She's like seven feet tall. You're five-nine on a good day."
"So what?" Tommy said. "We got lotsa stuff in common."
"Uh-huh," Claire said with a smirk. "Like what?"
"Well, we both do a lotta delicate work on restorin' old stuff fer the sake'a historical accuracy, we find academia kinda stuffy... we can both bench press a late-model Ford truck..." he said, trying to end the conversation.
Claire snorted derisvely. "She's in for such a letdown. You're going to bore her."
"Thanks fer the pep talk, Claire," Tommy grumbled.
"Well, whoever she is, Tommy, be a gentleman. And for God's sake, don't stare at her breasts even if they're at eye level," Mary said. "You were raised better than that."
"Right, right. Well, I gotta head out." Tommy walked out of the apartment and down the hallway to the stairs. With any luck, he might have a nice night.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
As long as there are no elevators involved, it'll probably work out...
Any opinions expressed above are merely the poster's own and do not necessarily coincide with the goals or beliefs of the Secret Ruling Forum Cabal.
"And for God's sake, don't stare at her breasts even if they're at eye level,"
<snickers>
Part of Sister Flame's Clickey-Clack Posse
The English language is an intricate high-speed precision tool.Stop using it to bang open coconuts. ~Tokamak
Dark_Respite's Video page
((I'm very tempted to write Tommy having a series of bad dates with various women from the CoHverse. Tonight, Doc Delilah, next week, Azuria!))
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Tommy woke up as usual, staring at the ceiling. Funny, he thought his ceiling was a dark gray. This was bright yellow. His eyes darted left and right. No sign of any car parts. He sniffed the air. The scent there was of vanilla and lavender, definitely not transmission fluid.
No, this definitely was not his room. He scrabbled around on the nightstand for his glasses and put them on. In seconds the datalinks opened up and he realized that he was still in Faultline thanks to the GPS readout.
The loud snoring next to him confirmed that he definitely wasn't at home. No one snored like a choir of buzzsaws in the Pachowski household. The form under the covers shifted and he heard only one thing:
"Pancakes... we need pancakes..."
Damn. Pancakes sounded good. He'd have to get some once he got out of wherever he was.
Tommy swung his legs out of the bed.
"Where are you going?" came from under the covers.
"I gotta head home," Tommy said. "I got stuff ta do today."
"Want breakfast?"
"Uh, sure. How 'bout IHOP?" Tommy asked.
"Yeah. Sounds good," the form said before shifting around to reveal a shock of purple bed-head hair from under the cover. After a few moments Doc Delilah's head popped up. "Wait a minute. What are you doing in here?"
"Ya said no after I said I'd crash on the couch," Tommy said. "At least that's how I remember it."
"Oh yeah," she said. "Well, I figured I had the space..."
"Yeah."
"Did we?"
"Nah. After the fight with the giant Council Robot at the dam it was too late fer me ta drive home an' still be awake enough ta handle it. So ya let me crash here. I pretty much fell asleep soon as my head hit the pillow."
The amazonian archaeologist breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. Something like that would be bad to forget."
Tommy grinned. "Yeah, it would. Now, how 'bout them pancakes?"
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Later that evening, Tommy sat at the kitchen table with his mother and sister. Mrs. Pachowski went with a traditional Sicilian meal that night, caponata followed with pasta alla sarde and tonno alla siracusana. Both Tommy and Claire knew that a meal that consisted of nothing but the recipes of their "nonna di nonna" meant that someone was in for a serious post-date interrogation.
"How's the fish?" Mrs. Pachowski asked.
"Perfect as usual, Ma," Tommy said in between bites. "Grandma Torricone never let ya cut corners when she taught ya ta cook, did she?"
"No, she didn't," Mrs. Pachowski said. "Besides, you probably need to eat more. I bet you're hungry after that long night of fighting off that giant robot that attacked the dam in Overbrook."
"Eh, I got breakfast later, but I won't say no ta yer cookin'. The sardines're really good in the pasta. Didja get 'em over at the Indy Port Fish Market?" Tommy asked.
"No, I went to Festa Italiana in Founders. They have a better selection since it's all the rich people who live there," his mother said.
"I'm surprised that they let ya in, what with Claire an' me bein' heroes. They don't even let Blue Steel in there without letters from the archbishop, two independent accountants an' the chief'a police provin' he's okay ta shop there," Tommy grumbled.
"Yeah," Claire said. "We risk our necks for everyone in this city and people still treat us like roadkill."
"Oh, we haven't got much to worry about there, Tommy," Mrs. Pachowski said. "I just asked them to remember what happens when they refuse a cash-paying customer from the Yards."
Claire and Tommy shot each other an "Oh crap" glance.
"Ma, ya gotta stop doin' that," Tommy said. "People will start thinkin' we're part'a the Family or somethin'."
Claire nodded. "I don't want to be associated with those guys, Ma."
"Well, there was also something interesting I heard while I was there, Tommy. The tv there was on 'Paragon This Afternoon.' Their gossip reporter said you didn't leave Faultline last night, and were seen eating breakfast at the IHOP in New Overbrook with Doc Delilah," Mrs. Pachowski said.
"Yeah, I told ya I probably wasn't gonna be back in the mornin' if we had a really late night. We were fightin' the Burkholder-Bot at three o'clock this mornin'. That counts as a late night."
"No one goes to IHOP because of the ambiance, Tommy. They go there for post-coital pancakes."
Tommy's jaw dropped. Claire failed to suppress her laughter.
"Admit it, Tommy, you slept with her," Mrs. Pachowski said.
"Okay, so I did," Tommy said after shaking off the effect of his mother's turn of phrase. "It doesn't mean we did anything. Ask her. We were still fully clothed. That robot's no slouch when it's got a good pilot, we were too worn out ta do anything but sleep when we got ta her place."
"Do you know what kind of scandal that can create?"
"A boring one," Claire said. "Ma, it's Tommy we're talking about here."
"Besides, I gotta deal with you interrogatin' me when I get home," Tommy said. "Ya think I'm gonna tell ya anything other than the truth? I might be crazy enough ta face Lord Recluse when he's havin' a bad helmet day, but I'm not crazy enough ta dodge yer questions. Otherwise you'll just keep harpin' on me until ya hear the truth. An' even then ya won't believe me the first time."
"Well, you both seemed to be pretty happy in that video footage."
"We beat down a giant robot an' saved the day as a team, how's that not a reason ta be happy? We were talkin' shop 'bout other heroes, Ma," Tommy said. "I was tellin' her 'bout the time I let Citadel try out one'a Grandma Pachowski's lemon paczykis. I made the same face he did an' she cracked up."
"Well, when your father and I dated, people only went to IHOP in the morning together as a sign that you had a far more serious relationship than you let on."
Claire raised an eyebrow. "You ran around with some real weirdoes then, Ma," she said. "Sometimes a stack of pancakes is just a stack of pancakes."
Mrs. Pachowski turned her attention to her daughter. "Your brother and I are talking about adult subjects. You can leave the table if you're done."
"Besides, Ma, how would you know what going to IHOP meant?" Claire asked.
"That's none of your business," Mrs. Pachowski said, her cheeks flushing a little.
Tommy grinned. "Just gotta trust me on this, Ma, I'm tellin' ya the truth. Though the IHOP thing sounds like a good idea. It's better than the Walk of Shame over at the PCU Dorms."
"I wouldn't know anything abou that," Mrs. Pachowski said. "So are you going to see this woman again?"
"Nah," Tommy said. "She was gonna walk me back ta my car afterwards an' got confused in the elevator at the parkin' garage. It happens with her every so often. I think she gets spooked by the bell."
"I see. Well, finish your dinner. I have cannolis for dessert," Mrs. Pachowski said. "So, tell me, what's this Walk of Shame thing over at PCU?"
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
There were men in the house. Mick heard the voices as he woke up out of a dreamful sleep. He lay still with his eyes closed, listening, trying to hear what they were saying.
Father: Of course I understand, but do you really think this is neccessary?
Male Voice 1: He is young, and at an impressionable age. This is for his own good.
Mother: But when I called, I thought...
Male Voice 2: You thought what, Mrs. Heller? That your son told you the truth in that he had not read this insurrectionist drivel? His very denial is proof of his guilt.
Male Voice 1: We must take him in for questioning. I can assure you he will not be harmed. We merely wish to find out what he knows about this subversive youth group, and to show him that Lord Recluse is most forgiving and understanding of the idealism of youth.
Father: And to turn him into one of you?
Mother: But if it is for his own good...
Male Voice 1: Mr. Heller, I assure you, the best interest of your family is all we are concerned about here.
Father: And if we don't cooperate?
Male Voice 2: It could go very badly for all of you. Your business could suffer. Your son could lose any chance he might have to move on to higher academia.
Father: *sigh* What do you have in mind then?
Male Voice 1: Our Benevolent Lord Recluse, in his far-sighted wisdom, has set up an organization to help troubled young people -- the Youth Initiative for Knowledge, Enlightenment, and Skill-building.
Father: Yikes!
Male Voice 2: Exactly.
[ QUOTE ]
"Nah," Tommy said. "She was gonna walk me back ta my car afterwards an' got confused in the elevator at the parkin' garage. It happens with her every so often. I think she gets spooked by the bell."
[/ QUOTE ]
((*snerck* too funny! ))
Shae Firewarder
Hephaestus 1 and Mobius Knight sped down the roads of Steel Canyon, following a train of PPD squad cars. The heavily-modified Ford Explorer managed to keep up with the cars despite the sharp turns in getting to The Wizard's Starship Comics and Games store. Moby held on to the reinforced bar as the SUV swerved and began to ride on two wheels. Heph brought the truck back down as the camera bounced widly in the back of the truck.
"I used to drive like this all the time on my way to calls, Moby!" Heph said to his katana-slinging sidekick. "You'd be surprised at how maneuverable vehicles really are!"
Mobius Knight for his part tried to stay calm. "Heph, this isn't some kind of actual dangerous felon, this is OH MY GOD CAR!!!" he shouted as the SUV went up on two wheels again, nearly rolling into a parked BMW. "This is only I EAT PASTE MAN!"
"Yeah, and if he ever gets clued in to his summoning power we could be in big trouble!" Heph said as the SUV screeched to a halt. "Here we are! This is where he's holed up!"
"Well, if I was a comic book geek, I'd want to be holed up here as well!" Moby said. "Let's go get this criminal damage thing taken care of!"
"Hey, Moby," Heph yelled, "why are we still shouting? We're not talking over a roaring engine anymore!"
"I don't know!" Mobius Knight said.
Eventually, the two stopped yelling and made their way over to Fang's squad car. Fang and Sergeant Murphy, his field training supervisor, were outside the car, putting together a plan of action.
"Hey guys," Heph said. "Are we ready?"
"Now that you and Moby are here, yes," Sergeant Murphy said. "We'll need you to help us out in case he has any superpowered friends with him."
"Barry has friends?" Moby asked.
Fang sniffed. "Actually he doesn't. He tends to alienate everyone with his attitude, scent, and deliberate lack of social graces." The miniature werewolf looked over the floorplan of the comics shop. We've got to keep his hands on top of the counter. If he opens up any of the card game packs, we're doomed."
"Wait, he can summon these things off of the cards?" Moby asked.
"Yeah," Heph said. "He crashed the police academy graduation ceremony with some kind of giant robot creature."
"Strongulon the Metal Ravager," Fang added.
Mobius Knight looked at Fang. "You actually know the creature he summoned?"
The werewolf shrugged. "When you're a four-foot tall werewolf who gets picked on at school, you tend to start focusing on anything around you that isn't school-related. I picked manga and role-playing games instead of sports. Werewolves are always just naturally in shape, so why bother going out for sports?"
Heph nodded. "Yep, he's right. I could have picked up D&D at his age, but instead I went with general troublemaking, political violence, and assisting rabble-rousers."
Mobius Knight looked at the two other heroes. "Am I the only one with a normal life in high school?"
Heph looked at Mobius Knight. "Yes. Just you."
Fang looked at his two fellow heroes. "The guy who owns the store, Bill, is usually a good guy. I mean, he banned Barry, who is his older brother, from going in there." His nose twitched. "And I also need to pick up my comics from last week. I need to see what happened to Captain Booyah in the last issue of The Inappropriates."
"All right," Sergeant Murphy said, "We've got our people in place. Let's go get these warrants served."
Heph led the charge as normal, flinging open the door and blocking the path of anyone aiming firearms at the front door. "All right, I EAT PASTE MAN, your reign of stupid terror ends today!"
A flannel-clad lump sat on the barstool behind the sales counter of The Wizard's Starship. This lump was flanked by two rather nicely-built elven women in... well, not much. An attempt to spin around on the barstool failed because it wasn't a swivel model, so the giant lump was forced to scoot around bit by bit. Slowly, the features of I EAT PASTE MAN revealed themselves. In one hand was a hanging file folder with the name "FANG" written on the tab. In the other, a current copy of Archie.
"OH NO, WHATEVER WILL HAPPEN TO FANG AND THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF ME, I EAT PASTE MAN?" Barry said as his elven eye-candy nodded and smiled approvingly. "I AM- I AM TOTALLY AN EVIL NINJA MASTERMIND AND- AND THIS PROVES IT, AM I RIGHT? HUH?"
Heph wished he could have scowled. "Barry, not even you can be this stupid. For one, putting a kids' comic book into Fang's folder won't do anything, and two, I know real ninjas. Moby here is more of a ninja that you'll ever be!"
"Yeah!" Mobius Knight said enthusiastically as he drew his katana. "I am definitely a ninja compared to-- wait. What?"
"Just roll with it, man," Heph said.
"NUH-UH! HE'S NO NINJA! HE- HE DOESN'T HAVE AN OFFICIAL LIMITED EDITION STEEL PLATED HEADBAND OF THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN LEAVES! HE'S NO NINJA! I HAVE ONE AND MY SUMMONING POWERS MAKE ME EVEN COOLER THAN MOST OTHER NINJAS!"
Fang shrugged. "Barry, go ahead, put the comic in my file. I'll just ask Bill to take it out."
"NO! YOU GET A SUBSCRIPTION TO ARCHIE THAT LASTS TOTALLY FOREVER!" I EAT PASTE MAN, the Plaid Prince of Perniciousness himself, said with a chubby-fingered flourish. "EVERYONE IS GONNA LAUGH AT YOU BECAUSE THEY'RE- THEY'RE GONNA THINK YOU LIKE READING ARCHIE!"
Fang shook his head. "Last year, that would have bothered me, Barry. This year, things are different. Go ahead, set up the subscription that lasts 'totally forever'," he said, even using the air quotes gesture sarcastically, "I'll just get Bill to take it off later."
Heph and Mobius Knight looked at each other. "Air quotes," they said simultaneously. "He used air quotes."
"Truly he has learned at your knee, Heph," Mobius Knight said.
"I'm weeping silent tears of joy on the inside. I'm so proud of him!" Heph replied.
"HA HA! CHECK AND MATE, MISTER LUBAWICZ!" Barry said. "BILL ISN'T HERE!"
"What?" the three heroes said.
"HA HA! I WAS ONCE- I WAS ONCE THE STUDENT, BUT NOW I AM THE MASTER, AM I RIGHT? RIGHT? HA HA! NOW I CONTROL YOUR DESTINY! IT'S NOTHING BUT ARCHIE FROM HERE ON OUT! BECAUSE- BECAUSE I AM THE BOSS NOW!" Barry turned to his two elven companions. "SO, LADIES, WHO WANTS TO GIVE BARRY A RUBDOWN?"
The two elves were less than enthused.
"DON'T FORGET WHO SUMMONED YOU," Barry said, "FOR I EAT PASTE MAN IS A SENSITIVE OVERLORD! I CAN TOTALLY UNSUMMON YOU!"
Heph walked to the counter and slapped the criminal damage summons on the counter. "This is for your damage to the City of Gyros statue. They paid a lot of money for Gyrobber, and you're going to pay them back. Here's the time, the place and courtroom. We'll make sure you get there because Fang is taking you in on charges of assaulting a police officer with a licensed corporate character's likeness."
"NUH-UH! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO! SAY HELLO TO MY GIANT FRIEND, GLAZEY THE DOUGHNUT!" With that, I EAT PASTE MAN slapped another card on the table with a picture of Drenched Donuts' mascot taped over the original monster. The words "BUT REALLY REALLY BIG" were scrawled on the card in blue pen.
A rumbling noise emanated from outside as a giant glazed doughnut rolled its way through Steel Canyon, stopped in front of the store, and roared.
Mobius Knight slapped I EAT PASTE MAN's hand, causing him to lose contact with the card. With a squeak, Glazey disappeared.
"NO! BAD VILLAIN! NO DOUGHNUT!" Moby yelled. "I have HAD IT with YOUR crap, Barry!"
Barry's jowls quivered. "WHAT?"
"You're using your power for Dumb, not even for Evil!" Moby said. "I can't abide by ANYONE using their powers for dumb! And where's your younger brother, the one who runs the place?"
"HE- HE COMES IN LATE ON WEDNESDAYS SO HE CAN WORK UNTIL 9 PM," Barry said as the two elves disappeared as well, "BECAUSE IT'S NEW COMICS DAY."
"And as for the ninja thing, STOP IT. I know too many ninjas-" Mobius Knight said.
"YOU KNOW NINJAS?" Barry said.
"Ninjas who will kill you for mocking them. Ninjas who have non-ninja friends who will kill you for mocking their friends. Even ninjas who read comic books and come in here on a regular basis will hunt you down for insulting them," Mobius Knight said. "You will stop this crap RIGHT NOW."
"DUDE, LET ME MEET YOUR NINJA FRIENDS!" Barry said, oblivious to the threat of imminent death by ninja.
"Heph. You know who this guy needs to meet, right?" Moby asked with an evil grin under his mask.
"Ninja MILF who just turned 40 but looks about 25, killer abs, likes injuring people, has a butt you just want to-- uhm, I'm gonna stop right there," Heph said.
"Yeah, you do that. Geez, you've got Shava and yet you look at other women?" Moby said with a smirk.
"What? Oh, you are NOT getting me into trouble, He-Who-Judgeth-The-Quote-Badonkadonk-Unquote," Heph said, pointing his finger at Mobius Knight.
"I Do NOT use the word 'badonkadonk'!"
"GUYS! ARREST! NOW!" Fang shouted.
"That's your job, Fang, we've served his small claims papers," Heph said. Right now, we have an argument to finish!"
"Right!" Mobius Knight added. "I would never talk about womens' butts like that!"
"In public," Heph grumbled loudly.
"In public!" Mobius Knight said. "And in private! Also in private!" he said, too late to catch himself.
"Too late! Tell Mr. Snugglesworth to make room in the doghouse for you," Heph said. "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"No! WAIT!" Mobius Knight said as the screen cut to black and the credits rolled.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Tommy "Back Yard Boom" Pachowski wanted to leap up from his chair and run around the table screaming. His latest date wasn't turning out so well. It wasn't that she wasn't pretty or witty or bright. She just kept talking about swords. There was also talk of swords, and oh, did she mention that she liked swords?
"So, anyway, I told Crimson that I wasn't going anywhere without the custom sword I got from Midnight Forge. The balance was just too good!"
Oh yeah, she also talked endlessly about her ex-boyfriend. It's not like they had much of a relationship, apparently: passing notes, a quick kiss here or there, kicking evil's butt in the Rogue Isles. Oh yeah. And swords.
"I just loooove the filligree that Hephaestion added to the guard. It's a simple geometric pattern, sure, but it's still aesthetically pleasing."
Tommy had tried earlier to counter all the sword talk with car talk, but got the "my subject is clearly more interesting than yours because you're just a stupid man" look. He sighed raggedly and listened.
"Tommy," Indigo said coldly, "are you paying attention to anything I've said?"
"Yeah, ya like the foldin' patterns that Hephaestion used ta give a damascus pattern ta high-speed steel. No one ever does that these days."
"Well, don't you like metallurgy?" the agent asked.
"Yeah, an' the process is pretty neat."
"But you don't like swords."
"Not as much as you," Tommy said. "Cars are more my thing."
"Cars are so boring,though!" Indigo snapped. "How can you compare machines to something as elegant as a well-forged sword, or even caltrops or shurikens or other pointy metal things?"
"I just ain't inta weapons like I am cars. Sure, they're neat. But they ain't cars."
"I didn't know you were a pacifist, Tommy," Indigo said. "I thought you were known for protecting your turf."
"Look, I'm no pacifist, either. Swords just don't trip my switch, all right?"
Indigo didn't need to roll her eyes, Tommy could feel it anyway. She went into another "there I was" story with her, Crimson and special guest star Swordy McSwordersword. He wished that he hadn't picked the Confidential Sources bistro for dinner. The place was shielded to the point of not being able to get any calls through to patrons. That way they could sit in peace and enjoy their meals. He could really go for a police call. Instead, he just nodded and smiled.
Their steaks arrived and finally Indigo shut up about swords. Of course, this didn't mean that she wouldn't immediately start complaining about her steak knife and how useless it would be as an improvised weapon in a fight. Finally, Tommy had enough. He might not be able to finish the rather delicious steak in front of him, but at least he'd be free. He dropped his silverware to his plate with a clatter.
"Ya wanna know somethin'?" Tommy asked. "I feel like I'm datin' the freakin' Cobalt Claymore here. That just ain't right! He does the same thing, goin' on an' on 'bout swords, knives, his problems an' what he does ta take care of 'em. I figured 'hey, why not date someone who went through a lousy breakup, too?' an' I wound up here. Do ya hear me talkin' bout Saya?"
"No," Indigo said.
"Right, that's 'cause I'm here ta date you. I know more 'bout Crimson than Crimson knows 'bout himself! So, fer the sake'a my sanity, I gotta leave! I don't wanna listen to ya badmouthin' yer ex all night an' I don't wanna listen ta sword talk, either."
Indigo dabbed her lips with her napkin. "Fine. That's just fine. Let's finish our steaks."
"I can't. You'll start talkin' 'bout swords again," Tommy grumbled as he got up. He motioned to the waiter to bring over the ticket, paying for it and sending his apologies to the chef that the steak was good but his date killed all the flavor.
Indigo caught up to him within seconds. "You are not walking out on me!"
Tommy just shrugged and got into his car. "This date ain't salvageable. I don't wanna hear any more crap 'bout swords, an' I'm goin' home so I can get away from it."
He tuned in to the Red Sox game and drove back home, leaving Indigo at the restaurant. Frankly he didn't care if anyone noticed or not.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Todd Galahad, known better to the world as The Cobalt Claymore, and Tommy "Back Yard Boom" Pachowski stepped into the once-off-limits Midnight Club.
Tommy wasn't particularly impressed. "Meh. Books," he said. "So, it's a library an' a social club. Not really my idea'a-- Todd? Hey, snap outta it, big guy!" he added, waving his hand in front of Todd's face.
"It's... beautiful!" Todd whispered reverently as he scanned all the bookshelves.
Inside Todd's mind, though, he was sliding down a cartoon rainbow with Butter Brickle Alpha and Ninja Princess Mai of "Happy Pony Rainbow Squad: The Midnight Directive."
"Whee! It's like a little slice of Heaven here on Earth!" Todd said to his equine companions. "I can read and research and hang around with adventurers who can still use the phrase 'Pip, pip, old chap' without irony!"
"There's a whole world of fun and learning awaiting you in the Midnight Club, Todd! Let's enjoy the ability to gather information from primary sources!" Ninja Princess Mai said, her hooves making no noise on the rainbow. They made no sound so everyone could hear the background music of "I Love the Flower Girl" by the Cowsills.
"Yay! Learning just became more awesome!" Todd shouted as the trio slid off the rainbow into a happy smiling cloud that bounced them into a magical castle. They landed in front of a smiling mustachioed professor with a crown on his mortarboard. The professor adjusted his monocle.
"Pip, pip, old chap! This is a capital occasion to have you in our humble land of learning. Capital, I say!" the professor said from under his walrus-like mustache.
"Cheerio, King of Professors!" Todd said.
"Ninja Princess Mai and I are really just thinly-disguised cartoon versions of your parents, Todd!" Butter Brickle Alpha said. "Someone within Malta is using our cartoon visages to re-tell the tales of Malta's more questionable actions!"
"I know and it's awesome!" Todd said with a wide grin. "I could spend the rest of my life here!" the young hero said.
"No, seriously, kid, there's a crisis coming down the pike and this series was made so you could at least begin to recognize the signs," the pony Gunslinger said from under his balaclava.
"Learning is awesome!" Todd said as the professor-king removed Todd's old dark blue Gunslinger's hat and replaced it with a mortarboard.
"Hmm, yes," the professor-king said. "By the authority invested in me, I knight you Sir Todd of Edutopia! Quite cricket, yes. Hear hear, eh wot?"
"Edutopia is the happiest place on Earth!" Todd said.
Tommy shook his blue-hatted friend back to reality. "Todd! Are ya in there, big guy?"
Todd blinked, looked around and re-focused. "Oh, uh, yeah. It should be a pretty good research library for us history majors, I guess."
The metal-armed freshman looked at his older friend. "By the way, where the heck is Edutopia?"
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!
Heh. Well, if I've gotten one person's day to be a little better, I've done my job.
Now, if I've gotten one of my callers' days to be a little better, I'm clearly doing something wrong.
Back Yard Boom - Emo Catgirl - Cobalt Claymore - Hephaestus 1
Avatar by Scarf_Girl!