You all suck.
. . . No, seriously, here are my REAL critiques. . .
Devious: You definitely live up to your name, and are great at creating cool situations and characters. It can be a little frustrating just how clever your characters tend to be, but. . . I don't mind that too much. I still hate the Doc's experiments, though. Stupid crystal thingy.
Soviet: I like your elegance. You can write one sentence and have it be as effective as three. Your characters can be pretty dang one-dimensional, but they tend to be very effective and entertaining anyway.
Essex: Actually, I'm not sure I can think of anything I don't like about your style. . . I love melodrama. I guess I too am a drama. . . um . . . wonder what the masculine version is. . . "gigolo" is the only thing I can think of and that sounds REALLY weird. I also like the way you don't always have to have your characters dodge/resist/etc everything.
Prodiguy: I like your characters a lot, Experiment is a lot of fun. He does tend to attempt to do everything by himself, though. It's part of his personality, I understand, but regardless. . . On the plus side, your focus on your own character allows you to give more backstory and insight into your characters.
I don't think I'm familiar enough with anyone else's style to criticize it.
Okay then, tell me how I'm doing everything wrong. Schizo has Thorn Barrage up. 
Oh Hal. You can be the Drama Pimp anytime.
I came in here to make a thoughtful comment about your roleplaying, but ...I can't think of anything. D: Hal is so precious and timid in SH101 and he's got that quiet air in GoCC. I don't know. He's just so cute. XD
It's Schizophrenias, though, where we can really see your creative side. I always look forward to reading Schizo posts and seeing him at the get-togethers, because you really let loose. It shows a lot of creative versatility to have quiet, thoughtful Hal on one hand and crazy Schizo on the other.
So yes. *Cute-gloms Schizo until he vomits* D:
Japancakes.
Art - Theme 005 - Seeking Solace
[ QUOTE ]
like your elegance
[/ QUOTE ]
Hooyeah!
[ QUOTE ]
one-dimensional,
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh no!
[ QUOTE ]
tend to be very effective and entertaining anyway
[/ QUOTE ]
Hooyeah!
Hal, I gotta say, you go about things in an excellent way. From Hal's inner conflict to Schizo's outer, you keep your characters well with the plot and are always balanced.
Tiptop, mate.
[ QUOTE ]
I like Prikker, but I have alot of trouble reading the Troll speak he uses. Any chance of getting a translation guide?
[/ QUOTE ]
Gah, just caught this. Ah well, gives me an excuse to show off my guild o' greatness.
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Boys and girls.
Urukz agh Fe-urkz.
Shadowclan and its language.
((EDIT: Also read this. ))
((HOOWAH!))
Any new critiques for me? Or repetitions of old ones I still need work on?
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
Ah, here's something I had been wondering.
My favorite thing to do is scenes like this:
[ QUOTE ]
Blightlord opened the gym doors, Grime and two Grave Knights behind him.
He walked across the room, and straight into Mr. Big's office without even knocking.
"Whadda you want?" he asked, nose curled in disgust.
"I want you to give the children a specific excercise, one to prepare them for a field trip they will be taking," Blightlord calmly responded.
"Pft. I got my own lesson plans for makin' the brats miserable, so beat it."
"I think you may want to reconsider," he responded, tossing a file onto Mr. Big's desk.
The short man cleared away the wrappers and crumpled papers all over his desk as he opened the folder.
"Why the hell should I care what-" he stopped, and what wasn't covered by his mask turned deathly pale. "How... how did you get this?"
"I have my sources. Now, I believe we were discussing how you would be conducting your gym class tomorrow..."
[/ QUOTE ]
If I don't do something along these lines once in a while, I swear my head'll explode. So, what do you think of 'em? Could they use work? Do they need to be more... villainy?
Another example I have is off of my SG's RP thread. The basic beginning is lately, Elitist has been acting more violent towards the rest of the Masters than they're willing to except. Techno Tyrant's neck was almost snapped in two, and Elitist tried to break every bone in Blightlord's body, prompting a fight that wasn't broken up til another one of the other villain's stepped in. We allow each other some auto-control to move an already crawling thread along, and only rarely have problems.
What happened after that, was this:
[ QUOTE ]
Blightlord looked up as the flyer left. He finished setting the sheet over a lump in a crate. He peeled it up to see the dead eyes of the moronic Smasher-Man staring up at him. "I cannot have Elitist learning of my newest concoctions."
Grime stepped forward and pointed at the crate. It disappeared in a flash of light to be teleported in the middle of the ocean, where it would sink to the bottom thanks to the weights placed on the bottom.
Blightlord chuckled as he gave a mock salute.
He turned and headed for his room. He checked walls out of the corner of his eye, making sure the security measures he had placed were still operational. If it truly came to him verse Elitist, it would be ended quickly, Blightlord was sure.
He opened the door and glared at the Grave Knights playing Poker in the corner. One flipped over in his chair and the other accidentally knocked over the bone chips.
Blightlord shook his head and grabbed a vial. The blue liquid gave off an eery purple glow. He pulled a jar off of one of the many shelves and and removed the lid, taking out a mouse. It happily bounced around the desk, its freedom from the jar a dream come true to the critter.
Blightlord poured a drop of the liquid onto it, and it violently exploded.
After wiping away pieces of its insides in mild disgust, the villain stared at the bottle. "Not what I intended, but it seems I may have a use for this."
----------------------
"Your love of alchemy and chemicals amuses me, Blightlord." said a voice from the doorway. Techno Tyrant was leaning on the door post examining a small scratch on his armor. One of the graveknights lept to it's feet and charged Tyrant.
Tyrant held up two fingers and pointed them at the undead monster. In almost that exact second, the zombie hit the ground, surging and seizuring with electricity. Two blinking red darts remained in his neck.
"You really should get a leash or two for these things, impulsively acting like monsters and what not." scoffed Tyrant.
"You have 5 seconds to explain why you are interrupting me before you become the next mouse I experiment on." said Blightlord with an edge to his voice.
Tyrant shut the door behind him and locked it. He then looked up the security camera in the corner. Raising one hand, the camera turned and faced the wall.
"Now what I say in this sound proofed room will not leave this sound proofed room. I don't trust you, but you are not stupid either. I'm sure you are not pleased with the way Elitist embarassed you in front of the entire group. He took someone as powerful and as feared as you and made you into his....well I don't need to indulge on your public humiliation. Elitist is right about one thing, you could defeat him and he is only human. But he could rip you limb from rotting limb. I never agreed on having him run the show around here in the first place. With your control of the undead and your knowledge of poison and my control of machines and the base's security....well I'm not suggesting mutiny or an overthrow. In fact, more of a.....a demonstration. Those such as Smashing Pumpkin, Knave, and Harley are smart enough not to interfere, even if they have sworn loyalty to Elitist. You will know when to act when the time arises, I'm sure of it. Like I said, you are not stupid. That is all."
And with that, Tyrant left Blightlord. It is true though, Techno Tyrant did not trust the treacherous Blightlord. If the situation did arise and Blightlord did turn in Tyrant to Elitist, then Tyrant would have no choice but to unleash a massacre that could potentially wipe out the entire force known as the Masters of Mayhem. But there were more important things at hand.
Tyrant walked to the hangar, not really caring that he was not assigned to heading to Paragon City. But Tyrant did enjoy watching a good fight. He clicked a few buttons on his wrist computer. The hangar bay doors above him slowly opened. His boots began to glow and hum. And in an instant, Tyrant shot into the sky, jet powered rockets propelling him towards Paragon City.
------------------------
Blightlord shook his head, wondering if Tyrant understood the dangerous game he intended to play.
He examined the blue liquid, and ushered a lesser zombie to him.
He handed the vial to Grime, who understood.
He poured a single drop on it, and the zombie's head exploded same as the mouse.
"My lord, what form of ingredients did you need to create such a liquid?" asked the Lich, staring at the vial in amazement.
"Unfortunately, I do not know, Grime," said Blightlord, taking the vial and draining it into a series of tubes. "But I intend to find out..."
***
The Ruby Blade silently exited Blightlord's room. He cared little what happened to Elitist, but was deciding how much such information would be worth to the brutish man.
[/ QUOTE ]
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, here's something I had been wondering.
My favorite thing to do is scenes like this:
[ QUOTE ]
Blightlord opened the gym doors, Grime and two Grave Knights behind him.
He walked across the room, and straight into Mr. Big's office without even knocking.
"Whadda you want?" he asked, nose curled in disgust.
"I want you to give the children a specific excercise, one to prepare them for a field trip they will be taking," Blightlord calmly responded.
"Pft. I got my own lesson plans for makin' the brats miserable, so beat it."
"I think you may want to reconsider," he responded, tossing a file onto Mr. Big's desk.
The short man cleared away the wrappers and crumpled papers all over his desk as he opened the folder.
"Why the hell should I care what-" he stopped, and what wasn't covered by his mask turned deathly pale. "How... how did you get this?"
"I have my sources. Now, I believe we were discussing how you would be conducting your gym class tomorrow..."
[/ QUOTE ]
If I don't do something along these lines once in a while, I swear my head'll explode. So, what do you think of 'em? Could they use work? Do they need to be more... villainy?
[/ QUOTE ]
Other than that it hastens along to the point where Montressor will throw Blightlord off the island? I honestly do regret letting you bring him in as a teacher. My fault for not researching the character before making the decision.
It's nothing personal, everyone has a character that some people just plain wish didn't exist, that makes them groan whenever he/she/it shows up in a thread. Happens to us all.
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, here's something I had been wondering.
My favorite thing to do is scenes like this:
[ QUOTE ]
Blightlord opened the gym doors, Grime and two Grave Knights behind him.
He walked across the room, and straight into Mr. Big's office without even knocking.
"Whadda you want?" he asked, nose curled in disgust.
"I want you to give the children a specific excercise, one to prepare them for a field trip they will be taking," Blightlord calmly responded.
"Pft. I got my own lesson plans for makin' the brats miserable, so beat it."
"I think you may want to reconsider," he responded, tossing a file onto Mr. Big's desk.
The short man cleared away the wrappers and crumpled papers all over his desk as he opened the folder.
"Why the hell should I care what-" he stopped, and what wasn't covered by his mask turned deathly pale. "How... how did you get this?"
"I have my sources. Now, I believe we were discussing how you would be conducting your gym class tomorrow..."
[/ QUOTE ]
If I don't do something along these lines once in a while, I swear my head'll explode. So, what do you think of 'em? Could they use work? Do they need to be more... villainy?
[/ QUOTE ]
I think this is fine. I would like more atmosphere.
Two grave knights opened the doors to the gym for Grime and their master. (Blight opening doors himself?).
The undead master and his servants moved with a sense of purpose, Blight with a knowing smile. The dark gym seemed even darker as they made their passage through it.
Then maybe more description of the office. More of Mr. Big's attitude to the intrusion and his uninvited guest.
The contents of the conversation are fine they build suspense for things to come.
What's in the folder, what are blights plans, and what will happen in gym class? all good suspense builders.
The actual dialog was direct and to the purpose, and needed more flavor.
My post if I do them fast lack these additional things too. I really ought to slow my post rate proof read more and add more flavor to them.
HaloInc
Triumph:
Heroes: Lady Halifax, Miss Kia, WhiteLotus, Agent Immolate, Lady Empathy, Sylence Fyredancer, Maiden of Fire
Villains: Innocent-Ella, Aegis-Sprite, Midnight Dragonfly
Well, being direct and to the purpose is a strength too. I am a big fan of elegance, which this definitely has.
I agree that certain parts, such as the opening, could have more flavor. ((I disagree that more actual information should be given. In my opinion, the most suspense is built here by the reader having no idea what will happen, or what Blightlord is planning.))
EDIT: I just realized that I misread your post. Ignore the stuff in double parentheses.
And if the descriptive elements are too long, the reader will simply get bored. Elegance is always a good thing in my mind. If the scene is to be described more fully, then each piece of description should be handled with elegance.
While more description can be good, I suppose my point is that it is not good simply by definition.
EDIT: And as for dialogue. . . it should ALWAYS be short and to the point in my opinion. People in real conversation rarely go off on long tangents about exactly what they mean by something they said.
Burning's post gave me an idea. I like doing two types of posts the best.
The horror post: [ QUOTE ]
"Twenty plus hostiles just outside, sir," whispered the TacOps to his sergeant.
"Damn," cursed the engineer. "Where the hell is the rest of the squad?"
"Don't know, sir. We got seperated when some magical darkness fell on us."
"Double damn, can you get in contact with command?"
"I've tried, sir, but the undead from that one portal haven't gone down yet and they're having trouble killing those toxin spitters."
"Those what?"
A green mist started floating under the cracks of the door of the darkened apartment room that the two Malta were taking cover in. The TacOps nervously looked at his superior and started to answer him when the mist reached him and instantly flowed up his body and into his mouth. The TacOps' eyes bulged as he choked on the substance and then he died.
"[censored]!" cursed the engineer as he unloaded his shotgun at the door, hoping to kill whatever had done that.
And the mist did retreat, but only long enough for a massive undead creature to bust down the door and loom over the operative. It's distended belly seethed with the green mist that had killed the other soldier and its arms were thick tentacles that whipped the air around it. It's head looked as though the flesh had melted from it, revealing patches of bone here and there.
The engineer lived long enough to scream.
((Introducing the Plaguebringer. It's plague mist is currently an extremely potent poison that can kill in seconds. However, the mist moves slowly and is easily recognizable. The tentacle arms are strong enough to rip a man in two, which is what happened to the luckless Engineer I demonstrated with. The Plaguebringer is the boss level creature of my undead army but there aren't that many of them, maybe about forty out of an army of several thousand.))
The Gunslinger looked down the narrow hallway that his cell was protecting and nodded in satisfaction. A heap of dead zombies was lying on the opposite end of the corridor and only three of the ten Claymores had been tripped as of yet.
"We need to keep this radio antenae working," the Gunslinger repeated to himself. "And so far it's a piece of cake."
The hallway was the only way up to the roof of the skyscraper that the radio antenae was on and the Malta operatives had held against every single assault so far. They had mostly lost contact with the ground fight, but that was ok. Once the zombies stopped coming, the Gunslinger would teleport his way down to the command center and look fore orders. And in the meantime...
"Soldier, get away from that window," the Gunslinger said to a TacOps that was looking out the window and into the streets below. "No sense in giving away our position to everything out there."
"Yes, sir," the Tac Ops replied as he turned around. "But I thought I saw something out there and-"
The Tac Ops explanation was cut off as something leaned out of the window and bit his head off. The headless corpse fell to the floor, giving the Gunslinger a good look at this newest monstrosity.
The undead was human-shaped but it seemed....elongated, stretched, somehow. The most notable attribute was the oversized jaw which could easily open wide enough to bite off a head. The limbs also looked longer, especially the fingers and toes, which now ended in long, vicious looking claws. The monster was also less fleshy than a zombie, its skin looking as though it was pulled taut over the extra length of bone it had to cover.
"Feast!" the undead growled in a guttural voice just before the bullets from almost a dozen freaked out Malta slammed into it.
"Rend!" it gurgled again as it weathered the storm of bullets, reaching forward to disembowel an Engineer before collapsing in a tangle of limbs.
"What the hell was that thing?" someone shouted.
"It's getting back up!" shouted someone else.
The Gunslinger's eyes widened as the monster pulled itself back to its feet and glared hungrily straight at him. The creature lunged forward lightning fast, but not faster than his gun arm, which put a bullet right between the thing's eyes. The undead hit the ground and skidded to a stop just in front of the Gunslinger who looked down at it and gave it a kick.
"See? We can still kill em."
"Rend and tear!"
"More of them!"
"Block the windows!"
"AAAaaahhhhh!!!"
[/ QUOTE ]
And the awesome [censored] army post: [ QUOTE ]
"Archlich."
"Yes?"
"I freaking love you, man."
"Heh."
Swaying side to side from the slightly bow-legged gait of the Daishi he and Archlich were riding, Toy looked behind him at the army that Archlich's idea had made possible.
Ten battalions of robots, an even thousand, marched in ranks of one hundred behind the vanguard of the three Daishis. Overhead, no less than ten squadrons of ten Jetbots flew, guarding half their number of Bomberbots, a bulkier, slower, and more deadly form of the Jetbot. The first four battalions consisted of nothing but Scavenger models, about 3/4s of them magically powered and provided with powerful protective magics. The other fourth were unupgraded survivors of the battle in the Outpost and were inferior to their magically powered brethern.
"Although I'm still a bit uneasy about this."
"Magic does not suit you well, android. Which is why I have not suggested this before hand."
The rest of the six hundred robots were composed of one Heavy Infantry Drone for every five Shotbots. The Heavy Infantry Drones were equipped with large racks of missile launchers and heavy support machine guns. They had to deploy stabilizing pylons from their legs in order to fire the machine guns, but the bullets could punch through just about anything short of an invulnerability tanker.
"I do have to say though, I'm liking this whole 'General Toy' thing."
"Of course."
The Shotbots were equipped for undead killing. A friend of Toy's had once remarked that shotguns get a +2 when shooting at undead and Toy certainly put that rule into effect with the Shotbot. Each forearm contained no less than four shotguns that could fire buckshot or solid shot, depending on the situation. They looked somewhat like a cross between protector bots and assault bots, with a size just a bit larger than a normal human and a pair of tesla coils on their backs. The coil allowed the Shotbot to use its one magically derived attack, the ability to fire a lightning bolt. While not in use, the coil was deactivated, only needed as a focus for the spell.
"You think the others can hold up their parts?"
"Why not reiterate your instructions?"
"Good idea."
The army was coming up upon one of Blightlord's cities, its skyscrapers stabbing into the sky like dozens of jagged knives. From here, Toy could just barely make out the shuffling forms of undead with his sensors on maximum magnification.
"Ok, people, listen up. We're going over the battle plan one last time.
Ghoul, Rosie, and Pstorm. You three are going to hang back until Archlich and Hand can force a hole in the defenders. At that point, I want you to use those stealth devices I gave you and slip through to the center of the city. Remember that the devices will burn out in five minutes, so move quickly. Archlich says that all the undead are being directed from the top of the tallest building and if we cut of their head, the body will be easy to take care of.
While you guys do that, Hand and Archlich will shift their attentions toward my front and help defeat Blightlord's army. Also, before the fight even begins, the Bomberbots will attempt to eliminate as many large gatherings of zombies as possible, while the Jetbots strafe any targets of opportunity.
Ok, that's it. Any questions?"
"I'm good," said Ghoul over the radio Toy had given all of them. "Just give me an opening and I can take it from there."
"I am prepared," Hand added.
Hand and Archlich were both on the leftmost Daishi, one of the laser and rifle equipped models, while Pstorm, Ghoul, and Rosie were on the other Daishi Prime, as Toy had started calling them. Toy was riding the Daishi A, the missile and artillery equipped model.
OOC: No, I'm not attacking right now. I want questions answered first. >_>
Although you probably can see the massive army of bright shining droids.
[/ QUOTE ]
I also enjoy coming up with realistic robots and then describing them to the lot of you. Essex knows what I'm talking about.
Statesman said let there be heroes, and there were heroes.
Lord Recluse said let there be villains, and there were villains.
NCsoft said let there be nothing, and there was nothing.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, here's something I had been wondering.
My favorite thing to do is scenes like this:
[ QUOTE ]
Blightlord opened the gym doors, Grime and two Grave Knights behind him.
He walked across the room, and straight into Mr. Big's office without even knocking.
"Whadda you want?" he asked, nose curled in disgust.
"I want you to give the children a specific excercise, one to prepare them for a field trip they will be taking," Blightlord calmly responded.
"Pft. I got my own lesson plans for makin' the brats miserable, so beat it."
"I think you may want to reconsider," he responded, tossing a file onto Mr. Big's desk.
The short man cleared away the wrappers and crumpled papers all over his desk as he opened the folder.
"Why the hell should I care what-" he stopped, and what wasn't covered by his mask turned deathly pale. "How... how did you get this?"
"I have my sources. Now, I believe we were discussing how you would be conducting your gym class tomorrow..."
[/ QUOTE ]
If I don't do something along these lines once in a while, I swear my head'll explode. So, what do you think of 'em? Could they use work? Do they need to be more... villainy?
[/ QUOTE ]
Other than that it hastens along to the point where Montressor will throw Blightlord off the island? I honestly do regret letting you bring him in as a teacher. My fault for not researching the character before making the decision.
It's nothing personal, everyone has a character that some people just plain wish didn't exist, that makes them groan whenever he/she/it shows up in a thread. Happens to us all.
[/ QUOTE ]
Erm.... ow? Duely noted?
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
Oh, and I know I have really bad issues with being descriptive. I just feel the same way Hal said. If I throw in too many details, it kind of loses some impact on 'what did Blightlord find?'.
And... well, his personality... it's... he doesn't like to be talked down to, and he's the kind to put in traps wherever he stays, in case of a 'real' emergency.
Now, I apologize if my character's personality makes him come off as an [censored], but really, since he is, I don't know why I should apologize.
Sorry... bad timing is all.
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
[ QUOTE ]
4. Please keep all criticism CONSTRUCTIVE unless otherwise asked by the person who wants their style/characters/whatever critiqued. Remember, this is a place for feedback and suggestions, not "I don't like you!"
[/ QUOTE ]
That pointed at, if Blightlord really bothers you that much Laz, what should I do to fix that, except maybe a full reconstructing of his entire personality and maybe Bio so it makes sense?
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
My favorite types of posts tend to involve descriptions of events or characters. Examples:
Events: From "Crown of Thorns":
[ QUOTE ]
Hal ordered his Phantasm forward just before the light burst into the room.
"Don't look at the light!" Hal yelled. "It's Schizophrenias's essence, who knows what will happen if too much of it hits you!"
And his Phantasm flew into the door that led back to the real world and stuck there, trying to overcome the light with its own.
The Phantasm shook and swayed as the purple light grew brighter, and for a moment it looked as though it would be completely destroyed by the sheer intensity of Schizo's essence, but no amount of madness and fear and misery and despair could truly destroy a being formed of pure hope.
And the Phantasm grew brighter and brighter, and the mad light faded.
[/ QUOTE ]
Characters: From "Cosmic Chess":
[ QUOTE ]
Nice place it was, thought Schizophrenias as he looked around. Trees. Grass. Rocks. Probably stuff he could kill.
Too bad he didn't know how the heck he had gotten here. One minute he was off to kidnap some poor sap and sell him off to the highest bidder, probably Arachnos. . . he had burst through the door, and. . . he was here. Weird, but being a physical manifestation of pure insanity he frankly didn't care.
It was a pity, though, that he didn't know where Hallucinogen was. Hallucinogen created him, and this was very amusing to Schizophrenias. He enjoyed reminding him whenever possible.
He was tall and thin, dressed in a lurid purple straitjacket that nicely matched his skin, with green spikes attached to his pants and shoes at random intervals, and a strip of green cloth wrapped around his eyes, with barbed wire wrapped around that. Most people would have been a little uncomfortable and found it hard to move.
Schizophrenias, however, was not really a person at all, and floated easily over the ground. Lights flashed on and off at odd intervals over his body and voices occasionally said unintelligible things in the distance, to which Schizophrenias occasionally responded. "Hey there. Maybe I can kill you later."
Ah yes. . . Schizophrenias was pretty sure he was going to enjoy this place. Whistling cheerfully, he floated through the forest, conjuring little thorns out of his flesh and hurling them at birds.
[/ QUOTE ]
And frankly, I love anything to do with Schizo. Easily my favorite character I've created.
I like posts that elicit strong emotions and reactions.
*dramaaaa!*
Japancakes.
Art - Theme 005 - Seeking Solace
I like posts that let me talk about guns.
I'm a sad little man.
Well, Ess, I think we should ALL know by now you are t3h dr4m4 .
Soviet... Well... That was also a given.
For me... Strangely enough, it depends on what music I am listening to at the time. For instance, if I am listening to a dramatic, heroic music, my character is most likely going to be doing something dramatic. Maybe not heroic, but dramatic.
Rock, most likely going to be an aggressive little character.
I helped come up with the idea of a critique thread and got 0 feedback 
I didn't even get an "I hate you. Fix it!" so I must be doing something amazingly well or horrendously bad.
Anyways, I try to be harsh with my critiques so I receive the same treatment but instead get ignored. Anyways, now that I've RP'ed with a few more people and longer I can write better and harsher critisizm which I'll take my time putting in.
PS: I HATE YOU ALL!.......See you at church next week.
In my case. . . it's simply that I haven't RP'ed with you enough. Note that I actually have never critiqued Khell at all, even though honestly I have no excuse for it. In fact. . .
Khell, your strength seems to be in creating dynamic and exciting fight sequences. Your weakness is that your characters are not as interesting when they're not busting heads.
Oh, and by the way, since I haven't said it, you guys rock! I tend to be rather a harsh critic, and sometimes forget to say things like that.
[ QUOTE ]
Khell, your strength seems to be in creating dynamic and exciting fight sequences. Your weakness is that your characters are not as interesting when they're not busting heads.
[/ QUOTE ]
>_> <_< >_>
I knew there was a reason why I was going to a writing school for college. I guess that's one of em now.
*starts trying to pin down character's personalities....again*
Statesman said let there be heroes, and there were heroes.
Lord Recluse said let there be villains, and there were villains.
NCsoft said let there be nothing, and there was nothing.
Okay Leo, I'm gonna critique you!
The only problem I have with your RPing is this: A lot of times I don't understand the reasoning behind what your characters do. Now granted, a lot of times there's an in-character reason for this; as Ian and Hyun-ki are both very evasive in their feelings most of the time.
But as an Empathy Defender without powers in the real world (tee hee), it's often frustrating to play under the mental assumption of "Why is Ian so mad at me? D: *robot cries on the inside*"
Other than that, I love your characters, and I love the emotion that you've given them. They're very dynamic and fun, and I look forward to seeing exactly what is making them tick. :P
Japancakes.
Art - Theme 005 - Seeking Solace
I have RP'd with some for a little while now...I've read some threads that I'm not in and kept up with the ones I am...
This will only be to a few of those in AH101:
My biggest thing is an author's (be it movies, shows, books, plays, whatever) ability to allow me to feel something for them. It could be anger, hate, happiness, compassion, frsutration, etc... As long as I can react to a charatcer, then you're doing most of your job already.
Halo - You have the one of the quirkiest characters I've come across lately... and she sometimes can make me smile and shake my head on some "Silly rabbit..." type stuff. You have a consistency about her thats almost uncanny... even with this twisting personality of lost and found identity. I wouldn't have the patience for her and her child-like innocence at times annoys the crap outta me, but thats what I get from it. Its a good character with a steady foundation...
Laz - You and your characters seem to have the least amount of patience, period. There seem like there are certain places in writing or maybe is just certain situational writings that you just "dont want to go there". Your writing style is thorough and complete. It doesn't go all over the place; I sense a lot of control. You can handle writing a lot of characters without mixing up their peronsalities.
Soviet - One-track. The bad thing about that it can be hard to expand into other realms of character types. The good thing about it is its predicatble consistency. Seems I wouldn't have to expect any "surprises" from you that makes me wonder why your characters would do what they did. Everything is gonna fit. The square peg in the square hole. Shoot first. Questions later, lol...
Devious - very well-rounded...
Essex - good consistent detail and feeling in your characters. And I love Nessie. You're a good storyteller with firm initial introductions.
Darkstorm - Sometimes, to me, it seems like you are trying to fit in with your writing versus making the character who it really is. If you have an old cantankerous fool that no one loves at all, be that. If you're this popular young stud with a thing for sports and morning tea, be him. Don't let your characters be adaptable. Then, other characters will have to try and find that writing knack with you... all the time. You have a big imagination and thats great for storywriting. Just don't let it take over your ability to let your characters be who you originally designed them to be.
Ok, thats it for now... Plague, Arashi, M_Dawn, Khell, and the rest... I'll get you guys on the next one. Haven't forgotten tho. 
Now that's some quality critiquing. Some nice advice and worded perfectly. Heh, I'm critiquing a critique....
And thanks for the feedback, Ess but that wasn't harsh at all. I didn't even get the chance to take it personally and bite your head off. Anyways, I'm still putting together the critiques for those that requested it that are in GToA, SH101, 24HV, CoT and MA.
I know I'm pretty much the new guy, and rather a runt in-so-far as having a respectable cross section of writing out there (about 65-70 IC posts, and all in SH101, CoT, and Alien Inn) but I do love feedback in a masochistic kinda way.
I am very interested to know what a bunch of more experienced folks are thinking about my stuff, so I'm offering my neck on the block to anyone who wants to take a swing at it.
I haven't spent much time in the RP boards yet, but I love to write in my spare time as I'm sure we all do.
I regret not being able to keep up with the post count sometimes, like on Anti-hero 101 and leaving my posts stale and somewhat lacking. So much happens and quite often I spend more time reading what you all have written, leaving me with very little time to post something of my own.
Billyboy, you have been awesome in Superhero 101 and your style is exemplary. There's a great balance of detail to post size there and I look forward to growing and coming into my own with my character.
Ok so I don't really have critiques yet, but I've only just joined this great community. In time I'll probably come up with something.